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#338364 +(9228)- [X]

<Alanna> Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS's is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders

#454203 +(8295)- [X]

<drmason> there was this one time I was wanking to porn...
<drmason> ... I kept a javascript tutorial open in another window so my parents didn't start wondering why I was always on the desktop with no windows showing
<drmason> so I'm just about to splurge when I suddenly hear my dad coming up the stairs
<drmason> alt-tabbed to the other window and tried to pull my boxers up... computer stalled JUST THEN as my dad was opening the door
<drmason> I just stood up and was like "fuck... dad this honestly isn't what it looks like"
<drmason> and he glanced at the screen and said "I sure hope so because it looks like you're masturbating to a fucking javascript tutorial"

#920453 +(2433)- [X]

<&||bass> GODDAMNIT
<&||bass> i'm searching for how to do something in java
<&||bass> i just checked in google
<&||bass> you know what the results are?
<&||bass> me posting in various forms asking how to fucking do it

#573260 +(1752)- [X]

<wenko> today in java the prof asked the class for a simple iterator where we can  use some math
<wenko> so this one guy pipes up and says "Make it an address book, and It will calcuate the percentage of girls that slept with you"
<wenko> the prof looks up and says "I can't do that", meaning its not appropriate
<wenko> so the guy yells back "why not?"
<wenko> and the first thing that came to mind i said "You get an error when you divide by zero"

#946461 +(1677)- [X]

<@joosa> how do you say float in java? just 1.5f?
<@Gliptic> FloatFactoryFactory.getInstance(FloatFactoryFactory.defaultInstanceDescriptionString).getFactory(Locale.getLocale("en-US")).createBuilder().setString("1.5").getResult()

#3792 +(1426)- [X]

<tomg> I appear to have accidentally learned java

#3244 +(1359)- [X]

*** rmah (rmah@24-168-58-10.nyc.rr.com) has joined #javascript
<rmah> greetings fellow humans
<JibberJim> Isn't that an unwarranted assumption rmah?
<rmah> no assumptions...I do not greet non-humans
<JibberJim> fair point.

#421788 +(1263)- [X]

*** DickHead5 was kicked by TJ32 (3.80265176 × 10^-09 millenia long ban. (394 Served.))
TJ32 sets mode: +b *!*java@*.cos2.cable.ntl.com
<@DrLavaGoddess> LMAO
<@DrLavaGoddess> Now that's funny
<WhoaOutOfControl> Haha
<WhoaOutOfControl> how long is that ban
<@TJ32> 2 minutes.

#675734 +(1259)- [X]

Chris: I hate the way flash slows browsers down
Steve: Try java, that slows it down much better

#674136 +(1100)- [X]

<BrettBits> My website's stat counter uses Javascript to detect whether or not my viewers have Javascript enabled.
<BrettBits> Naturally, it appears that 100% of the people visiting my website have Javascript enabled.

#222549 +(1076)- [X]

<+commodore_dude> anyone wanna make me a magic 8-ball in java?
<+x24> ask again later

#45690 +(1040)- [X]

*** Joins: Vicious (WayfaringG@ffchat-36391f10.dial-access.att.net)
<Vicious> -_- alright, what smart ass banned me?
<Chubbzilla> uh gk
<Chubbzilla> did you try to get on using java?
<Vicious> well first my MIRC wouldn't work
<Vicious> then I tried that
<Chubbzilla> ah well
<Chubbzilla> i banned java att.net a few days ago
<Vicious> oohhhh
<Vicious> ok
<Vicious> that's cool then~
* Chubbzilla wasn't banning der gk, just java lamers
* Vicious huggle
* Chubbzilla huggle + luffluff
<Prometheus> .msg chubbzilla heh, she totally doesn't realize that no one likes her
<Prometheus> er
<Prometheus> whoops

#737051 +(902)- [X]

<@xyst> perl made me angry last week.
<@xyst> so angry i wrote something in java instead.
<@ecoli> wtf could it have done to make you do that?
<@ecoli> that's like saying "hot naked women made me so angry i had to go slam my penis in a car door"

#921416 +(823)- [X]

Phil: C++ is java's uncle that never comes to visit, and had half his face blown off when he stepped on a landmine, also he's a pedophile.
Phil: But he's the industry standard.
David: and runs much faster
Phil: He has to be able to run fast, he's a pedophile.

#4797 +(713)- [X]

<DrWoody> We're talking about C++ here right?
<detmod> no java, duh
<DrWoody> Oh, I though Univ. of IL was too l337 for java
<detmod> what the hell is l337?

#41851 +(705)- [X]

*** joet (~joet@ilm25-44-179.ec.rr.com) has joined #javascript
<joet> hey
<Object> hey joe
<yossarian> where you going with that gun of yours?
<yossarian> hey joe, i heard you shot your woman down
<[Roosta]> shot her down to the ground?
<joet> umm huh?
<impatient> hey joe, where you gonna run to now?
<joet> I think you have me mistakened with somone else

#624194 +(572)- [X]

<pixadel> Fine, Java MIGHT be a good example of what a programming language should be like. But Java applications are good examples of what applications SHOULDN'T be like.

#60371 +(521)- [X]

* Stan (Stan@dhcp024-209-052-025.neo.rr.com) has joined #techfreax
<Stan> what's c++?
<hypnetric> it's a rap artist
<Stan> he's good?
<hypnetric> lives in chicago
<Klone> He's almost as good as Java.
<hypnetric> yeah java owns
<Stan> do i compare to any of them?
<Klone> No, dude. Java is hardcore.

#4428 +(517)- [X]

<happy> the neat thing about java is that it's so slow

#741596 +(453)- [X]

< kakistos> lol. i liked the java compiler.
< kakistos> does the c compiler not tell you what you did wrong?
< deviant> C is great
< ewan> the Java compiler is all like "you have an uninitialised variable there, would you like a hug?"
< ewan> gcc is like "raaagh! I do no bounds-checking! Your mother sucks cocks in hell!"

#48027 +(444)- [X]

<@`2L_verkink> eval('document.forms[0].elements[' + elementCount + '].options[document.forms[0].elements[' + elementCount + '].selectedIndex].value')
<@`2L_verkink> whats the probleM!?!?!?!?
<yods> the problem?
<yods> thats easy
<yods> i dont understand SQL
<yods> if i did
<yods> i might have a chance
<@`2L_verkink> if u did
<@`2L_verkink> it wouldn't help
<@`2L_verkink> cause
<@`2L_verkink> this is javascript

#47132 +(433)- [X]

<mikebeauc> man, there's a hot chick in the Java Lab..
<flawed> mikebeauc: go ask her "miss, are you lost?"

#50932 +(388)- [X]

*** Joins: Canadianpirate (java@=YEpe33-53-450-851.om.om.cox.net)
<@Oshi> Eyarrr, eh?

#778098 +(379)- [X]

Sam: what is flash like from your PoV as a proper programmer?
Pete: flash is like if java, C# and visual basic had a threesome
Pete: and did not use protection

#157116 +(368)- [X]

<phluid> I won't program in java anymore
<phluid> I'm not Marxist and don't believe in classes.

#42678 +(365)- [X]

<danhon> overheard in the lab:
<danhon> "try doing javac first before you do java"
<Cringer> hahaha
<danhon> "what does that do?"
<danhon> "dunno, but it works"

#949802 +(364)- [X]

<hq1> i promised myself not to touch java EVER in my life again, i'd rather drive a taxi

#738703 +(363)- [X]

<jms> maybe I can do it in java
<jms> but that sounds as pleasant as cheesegrating my testicles

#149134 +(359)- [X]

<xcham> as part of my CS experience, I'm going to debug java to try and meet geek chicks. :P
<xcham> then I'll e-mail Sun Microsystems and tell them "JAVA GOT ME LAID"
<jimmiejaz> java and chicks only go together at starbucks.

#14351 +(356)- [X]

<malcolm> I would appreciate it more if I didn't have to set JAVA_HOME and ANT_HOME and HILL_DEPTH and AVERAGE_LIFESPAN_OF_INSECT and NUMBER_OF_LEGS and DIRECTION_OF_PREVAILING_WIND and BIRTHDAY

#4084 +(347)- [X]

<nightfal:#java> damn, this quotedb gets funnier as a function of sleep loss

#75736 +(346)- [X]

<|2SX||atWork|> i think i only have jvm installed :)
<Cavey> Can you run java jars?
<|2SX||atWork|> .jar files are just zip files
<Cavey> Essentially, yes
<|2SX||atWork|> its not broken, just all the channels talking comes up in one window, and i forget which channel ive set to type in, so i see u talking and just reply to the wrong chan
<Cavey> Hehe
<|2SX||atWork|> sorry wrong chan
<Cavey> I guessed
<|2SX||atWork|> i cant believe i explained why i was typing in the wrong chan into the wrong chan.. i hate this client
<Cavey> ROFL

#238045 +(327)- [X]

<javachickn> WHAT DO I DO
<javachickn> HURRY
<Steve> wake it up with fire
<Steve> the really hot kind.

#161525 +(326)- [X]

ILOVEKAZAA (java@81.109.64.QK00=) has joined. «25 people»
<@Infinik> ILOVEKAZAA: Hello, I work for the RIAA. Your computer address has been logged.
ILOVEKAZAA «java@81.109.64.QK00=» has Quit iRC (User exited)

#603686 +(321)- [X]

<ravon> kamikaze_: japp
<ravon> kamikaze_: Något i den stilen, men du får lugna dig med parametrarna.
<ravon> kamikaze_: Vadå, förstår du inte vad jag säger? Bra kodde.
<wipu> oh setLocale(Locale.EN)
<ravon> wipu: nah, just speak a random language as retaliation.
<wipu> i just did, my choice was java :)

#51128 +(308)- [X]

* [LooN] (LooNaTiK@host217-35-13-229.in-addr.btopenworld.com) has joined #javascript
<[LooN]> can anyone tell me how to stop radiobuttons in java having more than one selected ?
<nakke> if you stop calling it java, someone might
<[LooN]> if people in channels like this stop being ass holes, i might get more help and then i might get answers to questions, but we cant all get what we want now, can we ? you mother fucker.
* [LooN] (LooNaTiK@host217-35-13-229.in-addr.btopenworld.com) has left #javascript

#237170 +(301)- [X]

tobby14 (~java@1046E976.C3C0D218.2D1B8E7.IP) has joined #Lobby
<tobby14> whats up you all mudafuckers
<@Dante> i think you're on the wrong server
<@Dante> you want irc.whitetrash.wigger.net

#217286 +(300)- [X]

Ifonlyiwerecool: we're supposed to make a program for java, and it has to get the highest # out of a set
Ifonlyiwerecool: and we're supposed to name the program 'getHigh'

#643951 +(263)- [X]

FuzzGod5: The next time someone asks me to write a java program that runs over a network connection, I'm going to print out an entire ream of paper with "try/catch" blocks, crush their heads with it, then jump on their corpse and shout "WRYYYYYYYYYYYY!" triumphantly.

#9080 +(258)- [X]

<Umbillical_ED>seems like there's a lot of out of work java developers
<st0w> yeah
<st0w> that's 'cause everybody is finally realizing....
<Umbillical_ED>y u say dat?
<st0w> because one day... I went to a farm, right?
<st0w> and there was this horse
<st0w> and he had this MASSIVE cock
<st0w> and I looked underneath it
<st0w> and I saw the little Java mascot with it's lips parted and the majority of the horse's unit inside it's mouth

#136365 +(244)- [X]

<+Jenda_away> javascript:OpenPortalContentWin(110714,%20400,%20550,%20'110714_dragracer.swf',%20'DragRacer%20v2');
<@contagious> Not sure that link is gunna werk;]
<+Jenda_away> www.javascript:OpenPortalContentWin(110714,%20400,%20550,%20'110714_dragracer.swf',%20'DragRacer%20v2');.com
<@contagious> lol
<@contagious> That one either
<+Jenda_away> hmm
<+Jenda_away> fuck you

#962108 +(236)- [X]

<Humbedooh> Roses are red, leaves are green, but only Java has AbstractSingletonProxyFactoryBean

#98661 +(228)- [X]

<J-DOgg> 52.  What does cobol stand for?
<Java_Lang> programming
<J-DOgg> Here's your 1st hint: common bus_____ ________ ________
<GodDess|Lang> really stupid computer language
<GodDess|Lang> that i aced
<GodDess|Lang> and forgot the name
<GLOW|SonicReducer> Completely Obsolete Business Orientated Langauge

#8464 +(222)- [X]

<jamesm> what's a java strategy?
<undrewb> jamesm : its a paradigm shift to e-leverage your legacy OLTP system to implement pervasive business systems
<jamesm> is it like a builder with a 'brick strategy' ?

#43835 +(221)- [X]

<stryhf> why do people persist in continuing to write SHIT APPLICATIONS IN JAVA
<stryhf> writing SHIT in JAVA doesn't make it ANY LESS SHITTY

#44340 +(218)- [X]

<manos> dude i found a website with some cool java aplets
<placid> xmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
<placid> url?
<manos> C:\program files\anfy\applets.htm
<placid> get a life
<manos> ?

#189 +(218)- [X]

<chernobyl> flash isn't going down. flash is putting java out of business
<chernobyl> how long has XML been around, and no one's moving to it

#102126 +(211)- [X]

<Dead_Meat|Linux> is there an alternative to sun java jre now?
<ChrisDKK> sun tea?
<Dead_Meat|Linux> um...
<Dead_Meat|Linux> what's the difference?
<ChrisDKK> one is made with tea leaves the other is made with coffee beans

#40042 +(210)- [X]

< S7L> Would you guess the nationality of the genius behind this code: datapublikacjijava=new Date(przetarg.jakistartpublikacjirok.value, przetarg.jakistartpublikacjimiesiac.value-1, przetarg.jakistartpublikacjidzien.value)

#138185 +(206)- [X]

<Sabrebutt> So, I started learning Java today.
<tacojon> eww
<tacojon> i hope you washed your hands afterwards

#4800 +(204)- [X]

<lewpoo> whats the most advanced topic in java?
<joeblowgt> lewpoo: not getting kickbanned in #java

#119903 +(203)- [X]

<fintler> I'm 14176 lines of java closer to getting about $2000
<DocGonzo> maybe you can overcome the stigma that most java apps are gay
<fintler> once you ignore the stigma....it's kinda addictive
<DocGonzo> you mean like bumlove?

#105279 +(200)- [X]

< chris> Meanwhile, I am participating in all that is unholy and rightly hated
< chris> Namely, I am writing a Java Applet that runs in a browser and is controlled by JavaScript
<@phessler> hahaha
* chris commits hara-kiri to minimize the dishonor to his family
< chris> phessler: Yeah, but the thing is: this is way better than what I was doing before, which was Flash coding
< chris> Flash, Java and JavaScript -- all in a day's work
< chris> Incidentally, I am looking for a new job...

#105259 +(196)- [X]

<Zenholder> JavaScript kicks ass
<Nanobot> JavaScript sucks ass
<Nanobot> You were off by two letters

#34925 +(187)- [X]

<Roundhouse> Where can I get Java Virtual Machine?  Microsoft is being bitches and I can no longer download it from their upgrade. Is there any place where I can get this at?
<Maniacal> sun just might have a website

#23116 +(145)- [X]

<antijon> So, what does everyone think of a web server written in Java?
<d-aliegri> slow?

#84333 +(139)- [X]

* dbzfreak pokes javabie
* javabie fights back by talking javabieish
<@javabie> hy
<@javabie> how r u
<@javabie> asl
<@javabie> ??????????????????/??//?/?????????????
<@javabie> ?
<@javabie> ???????????///
<@dbzfreak> ..*DIES*

#45691 +(138)- [X]

<Adiemus> IIS has many features
<slicer|Java> such as bugs, security leaks, etc... =]

#46667 +(117)- [X]

<WildElf> i dunno notpad scripting too well
<WildElf> java on the other hand i sorta understand..

#48398 +(112)- [X]

<Ljung> does IRC take scripts?
<Ljung> <SCRIPT language="JavaScript">
<Ljung> damn

#33886 +(107)- [X]

<Derian> This is going to be an interesting mix of PHP and jabascript......
<Derian> javascript
<Derian> only a little jabascript.....
<Ngaru> haha
<Ngaru> that's like, fat alien script.
<Derian> haha yah

#961538 +(79)- [X]

<Lauren> I have this recurring javascript error
<Lauren> Uncaught TypeError: Illegal invocation
<gasp> did you try running it during full moon ?

#177927 +(49)- [X]

<Beerman> D-Ness: are you on broadband?
<D-Ness> I'm on a java thingy

#36857 +(48)- [X]

<Ryudo> java, the slower of the bunch
<Ryudo> aol, the ones tossed down the stairs when they were 3
<Ryudo> and java aol'ers...the bane of society

#71091 +(34)- [X]

<PD-FATAL> does windows update use java?

#72852 +(-1)- [X]

<WerdPerfect> whats up with indian people and java
<WerdPerfect> its like mexicans and yardwork
<WerdPerfect> wtf
<CrotchCapers> hHAHHWFRHAWH)R*@

#329774 +(-33)- [X]

* Joins: Melissa (java@IRChat-1E088857.prem.tmns.net.au)
<SL69> no you cant have my children im sorry leave
<SL69> ...
* Parts: Melissa (java@IRChat-1E088857.prem.tmns.net.au)

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