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#1355 +(1092)- [X]

<McGrue> The truth, like a penis, sometimes slips out at inopportune times.

#1621 +(205)- [X]

<iMike> i think english transcends spelling
<DooD> especially with words like k3wl d00d

#2053 +(360)- [X]

<Gwar> u might as well be holding your penis if you're using a joystick in quake

#2381 +(270)- [X]

<Spyre-> the beers just sit there, silently staring, and mocking the mistakes my animal mind makes sometimes

#3110 +(522)- [X]

<putnam> this chinese kid said something so damn funny today on the phone
<putnam> let me give you the exact quote that he said, i will make sure not to make any typos. just picture hearing a chinese thug say this
<putnam> i said "man i'm gonna kick your ass" and he responds with:
<putnam> oh fuck nah...i'm gonna get some brick, and throw it across your window. i'm gonna throw it across your window and burn your bushes.

#7200 +(514)- [X]

<zhix> logicbox - sarenna lee rocks you.. she's just so.. bountiful!
<zhix> I could literally get lost in her bosom.
<zhix> I'd accidently drop my bagel in there and end up falling in..
<barkode> barkode: JOSH, ARE YOU OKAY DOWN THERE? zhix: I'M FINE. GO AWAY. barkode: I'LL GET HELP. zhix: DON'T YOU DARE FUCKER. LEAVE ME HERE.

#8287 +(450)- [X]

<Adiemus-Away> [GleebAway] Adiemus has returned from doing the dishes (Away for 1day 15hrs 23mins 39secs)
*** Adiemus-Away is now known as Adiemus
<Adiemus> damn that's a lot of dishes =

#10785 +(520)- [X]

<rogers> hahah
<guyen> roger: i love you man
<guyen> and by "love" i mean that special "stab you in the face and shit down your throat" love
<rogers> i love you too man

#11204 +(116)- [X]

electo435: what time do you think this will all go down?
boozehound420: after sex
electro435: so like next week sometime

#11827 +(858)- [X]

<|nLv|Dasyati> a haiku by Dasyati
<|nLv|Dasyati> LOLOL
<|nLv|Dasyati> ROFLMAO
<|nLv|Dasyati> STFU fag

#12164 +(224)- [X]

<Guyp> unreal uses the Super Mario Bros. engine

#13246 +(474)- [X]

#13409 +(390)- [X]

<Chow-BBL> fuck, i just realized how much i dislike eating pussy
<rtav> ChOwShAdY, I have to ask why you're trying to pleasure a woman...
<rtav> you need to tell her that were she meant to be pleasured, she'd be a man
<Spamalope> keep in mind how often rtav gets ass before you heed his advice pertaining to ladies.
<rtav> Spamalope, My advice is untainted by experience.

#13412 +(29)- [X]

<renster> you
<renster> YOU
<renster> i blame YOU
* Kosh` blames him too
<Lenin> I blame your mother
<renster> i embalm my mother
<renster> and keep her in a barrel
<renster> like pickled fish

#13603 +(205)- [X]

<Sumez> how hard can it be to change two words in my legend?
<Fuujin> Extremely. You see, he can only do it during a sunspot minimum or maximum, and those only happen once every eight years. Also, it has to be a blue moon and a summer equinox at the same time. Plus, the year must be a prime number. The sum of the day of the week (Sunday = 1, Monday = 2, etc), the date, and the month must also be divisible by three.

#14562 +(475)- [X]

<Santa_Claus> FOR YOU, LEMMER... A LOT OF BEER
<lemmer> HOORAY
<Santa_Claus> FOR YOU, COOLZX... A GIRLFRIEND
<coolzx> NOW I HAVE 34
<Santa_Claus> FOR YOU, BENCO... A BOYFRIEND
<Benco> ^_^

#15591 +(55)- [X]

<Ayashi> computer knowlegde... YUCK! >_<
<sig> hrm, maybe your moto should be: knowledge=yuck

#15791 +(313)- [X]

<Chrizto> one day someone on this channel will die and their last words
will be construed as irc laughter from their head slapping the keyboard on the way down.

#31319 +(203)- [X]

* Courthold eats PT
<Courthold> dammit pt having boners making it hard to chew
<PTDC> Hee hee. I hope that was a typo and not a freudian slip.

#38717 +(336)- [X]

<Foxworth> well, I just saw an ad for a birth control patch
<TRC> yeah
<TRC> they have had it for a while
<Stom> does it go over the vagina?

#39716 +(245)- [X]

<ESD-Wyrk> any good gaymes coming out soon?
<bb-w3rk> the new sims came out
<ESD-Wyrk> I have a hard enough time managing my own life
<ESD-Wyrk> plus I'd probably kill myself after watching my sim get more action than me

#41771 +(586)- [X]

<naga> 'dixy normus' won for class princess this year at our school
<naga> at the assembly, they called her name, but she didn't come down to take the prize
<naga> took 'em 5 minutes to figure it out
<parnbl00d> sounds sexual.
<parnbl00d> was she absent or somethin?

#45810 +(6)- [X]

* Loopster just found a SHITLOAD Of Wolf Posters for sale
<Orionator> ...
<Orionator> I dunno what it is with Loopy and wolves...
<Loopster> I like wolfs!
<Loopster> there tight
<Loopster> er...cool
<Alluro95> I am not into wolves the way you are, Loopy.
<Antipothis> Now loopster sounds like he has sex with wolves...heh
<Antipothis> :P

#47084 +(601)- [X]

<Chris_Away> On a UK keyboard the dash, the space bar and the 5 are all on the same key.
<NapkinEater> YOU LIE!!!
<Chris_Away> You5can't prove-that.

#47271 +(143)- [X]

<debutante> thanks orion you fucking piece of cow shit
<orion> oo cow shit
<orion> ouchers
<orion> i used to step in cow patties as a child
<orion> bare foot
<orion> and let the shit ooze between my toes
<orion> it felt wild
<orion> my dad taught me that.

#48909 +(18)- [X]

<Hoop> anyone have/seen Weapons.Of.Ass.Destruction any place ?

#53585 +(253)- [X]

<Genasirus> #3928 +(8)- [X]
<Genasirus> <illfates> the first time I had an orgasm
<Genasirus> <illfates> i had my dick buried all the way into a stuffed animal
<Genasirus> <illfates> a kangaroo named "Fred"
<jhtm> that so beats my first orgasm story
<jhtm> I was playing with my parents massager
<Genasirus> wtf?
<jhtm> and all of a sudden I passed out
<jhtm> it sucked

#54582 +(260)- [X]

<Throttle> man, farting in the shower kinda kills that whole clean feeling u get

#58610 +(106)- [X]

<rover> I took my Ventolin puffer, and puffed it onto this cockroach that was still
<rover> it died

#60930 +(370)- [X]

<@jwz> yeah, apparently I was getting shafted by perl's distinction between returning a single value, and returning a single value.

#62596 +(369)- [X]

<joey-sleepin-workin> at work i got a email asking if the mail server was down
<joey-sleepin-workin> wtf am i sposed to reply to that? :P

#74519 +(306)- [X]

<sirex> is there an enlightenment key sequence to run a command without a shell?
<Ralp> Probably
<sirex> thanks ralp
<Ralp> I'm here to help!
<Ralp> Wait, no I'm not, I'm here to avoid the drudgery of my real life and wallow in denial.

#75361 +(429)- [X]

<gangee> i would pay for a 44 gigabit back bone
<gangee> but hey
<gangee> i work at macdonalds what can i say :P
<Ufnb> would you like fries with that?

#75843 +(26)- [X]

<friisi> but...you see...i wanna make a homepage, and a person told me that frontpage is a good beginner-program. Now...i am looking for a program i can make graphic with, fx. Microsoft Photoshop...but i dont wanna Microsoft Photoshop...i want another (free) program...

#79227 +(858)- [X]

<daenonok> like four years ago when that 8 year old brought a gun to school and shot a 9 year old, i was still in high school and this dude in my history class who was in my group asked if the kid was black or white
<daenonok> and one of the girls (who took him seriously) asked what it mattered, and he said 'because if he was white he was crazy, but if he was black he was just taking care of business'
<daenonok> she slapped him so fucking loud the halls echoed, i shit you not

#81778 +(379)- [X]

<Renzian> ahh i just swallowed a quarter
<ChrisAFK[motfR3]> ...
<ChrisAFK[motfR3]> You swallowed a coin?
<Aspect> You only have to be worried if you shit out two dimes and a nickel.

#84421 +(787)- [X]

<Killzig> you guys want to hear something fucked up i did at work today, which I blame all of you for -- by the way
<Insane-Lark> sure
<Dan`> ?
<Killzig> I faxed a quote to a client and wrote "K THX BYE" on the bottom

#101177 +(82)- [X]

<classNTBk> lifetime kicks ass
<classNTBk> its got designing women
<classNTBk> its slogan may be "television for women", but its attitude is "kickass enough for studs"

#105164 +(279)- [X]

<Svenson> lol.. yahoo says "Someone else has already chosen svensonwhocannotfigureoutaloginname"

#105247 +(184)- [X]

<Celestar> note to self: Next person who wants to talk me into buying his firewall by telling me that my computer broadcasts an IP address will be ball-hung

#105364 +(249)- [X]

<bonch> Any recommended strategies for egging a house?
<nastsmom> yes
<nastsmom> first buy some eggs

#106363 +(71)- [X]

(jo2): Do you know any help files for vb which are legal to download ?
(@IRBMe): MSDN?
(@IRBMe): or you could look on the CD's or something
(jo2): i have no cds
(@IRBMe): where did they go?
(jo2): don't know
(jo2): i never had them
(jo2): i have downloaded a trial ver
(@AndyDev): where did u d/l it from?
(jo2): no warez
(@AndyDev): where did u find the trial version?
(jo2): don't know
(jo2): it was 3 month ago
(@AndyDev): then buy the cds
(jo2): ok give me the money
(@AndyDev): OK, download them from here ftp://warez:download@127.0.0.1
(jo2): it doesn't work

#106861 +(124)- [X]

<Stratisphere> mirc must be the most annoying and addictive application (appart from solitare) ever developed for the pc

#351074 +(1666)- [X]

jeisai: Real Men of Genius. Today we salute you, Mr. Compulsive Away Message Checker. While most people are out actually having a fun life, you are at home reading about it on your computer screen. Right mouse click, Get Buddy Info, or the little Info box at the bottom of the Buddy List. You have people on that list you haven't talked to in years, but you still loyally read their away messages every day to see what they're up to. So, crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Marauder of the Mousepad, and don't wander too far from your computer because you never know when someone's away message may change.
joejoe: you didn't type that, thats too proper for you to have done.
joejoe: where did you get it?
jeisai: it was on somoene's away message...
joejoe: so its about you then?

#424364 +(1775)- [X]

* halocy goes for laundry like the good house-bitch she is
[a few mins later]
<halocy> my bf's socks are all kinda ... crunchy
<halocy> wtf?
<halocy> his feet must sweat a lot
<rvrsl> haha
<smashi> ew
<smashi> hehe
<smashi> are you sure it's
<smashi> SWEAT!
* smashi giggles
<halocy> what else would it be?

#543728 +(1233)- [X]

(placid|work) i knew a girl that was fat just because of her asthma medication
(@Rayn) what was she taking for asthma ... cheeseburgers?

#613868 +(354)- [X]

<joesboxd3b> it is just ironic.... you can't get the cvs version of cvs unless you get the older version of cvs then cvs to the cvs server to get the latest cvs version of cvs

#664308 +(379)- [X]

<ratSrdnaW> One time.. I went to the store and got some clothes.. and went to the changing room to try them on.. get the key from the lil attendant lady.. then I shouted out.. "oh man! we're out of toilet paper in here!"

#768078 +(1564)- [X]

<Jay> Did you hear about the Linux-car finishing last in the indy500?
<MrBeek> I did now ;-)
<MrBeek> Not surprised though... You know how impossible it is to find a decent driver for linux hardware?

#775778 +(1710)- [X]

cromar: If there is a God, why does he/she allow disasters like earthquakes and Microsoft?
dvice_null: Are you comparing a disaster that causes billions of dollars financial losses and thousands of people to lose their home every year, to a natural movement of tectonic plates? That's low.

0.0358 20956 quotes approved; 4384 quotes pending
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