#1936 +(332)- [X]
<fimmtiu> asylum, then your disk is full. *shrug* Wield rm -f wildly.
<asylum_> fimmtiu. yeah right dude.
<DemoN> rm -f is too slow. newfs.
<rudefix> hell, i just prefer to take the disk out and lick it!
#2171 +(824)- [X]
(Reverend_) i thought i had to shit really bad
(Reverend_) but then i just farted like 3 times, and now i'm all cool
(Reverend_) but my ass is kinda wet and sticky
(Reverend_) any hot chicks, msg me, and we'll talk about it
(Reverend_) share your feelings
#2574 +(510)- [X]
<blazemore> i don't even know who the beatles are
<blazemore> except for jay leno and that other guy that just died
#3065 +(1074)- [X]
<putnam> i got a speech from my latin teacher about how in europe its commonplace for men to cry
<putnam> and crying is so special
<putnam> i asked her if she wanted me to cry for her and she said no, stop being a pussy this is america
#3944 +(340)- [X]
(seiki) &google inflatable+goat
(fnet) Google (inflatable+goat): http://www.vacationbibleschool.com/v_newfeatures.html
#4008 +(454)- [X]
<evil-guru> if the Bible says Pi equals 3, the Pi must equal 3
<j-la> Thou shalt not reckon in decimals.
#5523 +(3302)- [X]
<Opcode> i was gonna call 911...but i was downloading a file
#6198 +(48)- [X]
<signine:#916> is that the one with the old people that have huge mouths that blow people the fuck up?
#7118 +(57)- [X]
<HowLeTT> if my back seat smells like pussy tomorrow, im going to be furious
#7719 +(33)- [X]
* c6 is going to start a radio station
<c6> although the kits are mighty expensive
<Jaykul> you even have a license?
<[-tOrn-]> Jaykul: hell no
<c6> do i ever have a license for anything but driving?
#8562 +(492)- [X]
<Guantlet> better get to the basement mins
<Minstrel> bbl, Ima go get stoned and go outside.
#12068 +(141)- [X]
<NC> So you're a family full of Meekos?
<NC> That's.. scary.
<Meeko> NC: *nods* Every end in our gene pool is the deep end.
<Meeko> In fact, any less chlorine and we'd all be drowning in our own pee.
#13621 +(229)- [X]
<Mort-Hog> Is 'clenches' spelt right?
<Flirbnic> No, it's 'headphones'.
#16702 +(40)- [X]
<azrael69> wtf did i really start typing Oasis lyrics AGAIN?! i gotta cut back on the intoxicants
#20203 +(128)- [X]
<Wilco> [29.3%] 1986|||6770: World Currencies: Vietnam
#21316 +(451)- [X]
<@JackPott> JACK POTT
<@JackPott> IN TEH MORNING
<@JackPott> ON TEH RADIO
<@JackPott> TOMORROW LIEK
<@GingaNutz> nice abuse of the english language
<+Oz> abuse is an understatement
<+Oz> more like "flagellation followed by intense anal rape by at least seven well-endowed males, two goats and one horse, in turn followed by an intragenital injection of H2SO4"
#22745 +(96)- [X]
<@Bikutoru|gone> well, you beat me
<@Bikutoru|gone> i'm out of ammo
<@Bikutoru|gone> damn right
<+Edwin> jeez no wonder men call you the "minute man" in bed
#33553 +(479)- [X]
<JonnyBlaz> shit i was just beating off to some lesbian porn on my comp, i thought my mom was gone, but i had the volume a little too loud and didnt hear her come in, and the phoen rang, an di went to get it with my dick in my hadn and she saw me and was like "ahhh" and i was like OH FUCK , dude this sucks, she just like ran to her room and now i dont know what the fuck to do.
#33606 +(851)- [X]
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> Saber, just imagine yourself being gangbanged by moths. This is what will happen to you if you don't behave.
<Saber> I didn't do anything
<Saber> and I have a bat
<Saber> I'll fight them off
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> That's not going to help a lot.
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> Can't you just feel their tiny cocks writhing against your skin, Saber?
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> Just straining to reach an orifice?
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> Do you like it?
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> Does it feel good?
<Saber> That's bizarre to the point that it doesn't affect me
#34232 +(652)- [X]
<dj_goddess> Hey Nyph, how'd the exams go?
<Nyphur> What exams?....
<Nyphur> Oh, THOSE exams. ;)
<Nyphur> FUCK... Those exams....
#34916 +(430)- [X]
<blitzoid> I just now realized what Token's name meant on South Park
<blitzoid> "Token... he's black. OOOOOHHH I GET IT. HAHAHAHAHAH THAT'S FUNNY. I'm stupid."
<blitzoid> Man... I feel like that one kid who got into pogs late, bought like 800 of them, and then people stopped playing a couple days later.
#37715 +(407)- [X]
<zlisto> dude, I just couldn't make it through that movie clockstoppers
<uk55> I know, It was pretty bad.
<zlisto> fuck that, i just couldn't put up with the constant violations of the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd laws of thermodynamics
#41532 +(102)- [X]
* BassBone finishes all his evening rituals and prepares to pack it in
<Selene> Okay. That was bad timing. I'm reading porn and Bassbone is talking about packing it in.
#43313 +(143)- [X]
<shapr> how do I correctly display two byte fonts?
<liiwi> you take the first byte and display it
<liiwi> then you take the other byte and display it
#43864 +(27)- [X]
<incognegro> i masturbated yesterday.
<incognegro> and fell down the fucking stairs.
<incognegro> bruised my arm pretty badly.
<mc> did you save your effluent in a jar
#44823 +(385)- [X]
X3R0G33Z: wut do u mean typing like an aol dumbass
#50057 +(40)- [X]
<prebullem> can I use F'(x)=[(f'(x)g(x) - f(x)g'(x)]/g(x)^2 to integrate (4-x*sqrt(x))/(2x^2) and call it F'(x) then find F(x)?
*** [p]-chan (email@example.com) has joined #math
<emul8or> prebullem HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU HOW TO DO THE PROBLEM?
<emul8or> not to mention that i already told you that your goddamn crackpot idea doesn't work
<Meta> looking at the denominator, g(x) would be sqrt(2x), g(x) and f'(x) have to be constants
<Meta> so no, and just use the fact that (a+b)/c = a/c + b/c and the power rule
<emul8or> as i've already told him twice
<prebullem> I don't understand why it doesn't work
<emul8or> because you pulled the idea straight out of you know where
#50114 +(443)- [X]
<Antiarc> What do you call a guy who works in teh shipping dept. of a fudge factory?
<Antiarc> They have to have some PC term.
<Treen> Fudge Packaging Consultant.
<VashStampede> I just feel bad for the guy in receiving.
#53274 +(579)- [X]
#57565 +(76)- [X]
<Nephilim> No, I'm going out on a date with a girl that's had a thing for me since high school
<Nephilim> And... she gives head!!!!!!!!!!
<+jdp> she will be repulsed at the sight of you now? ^_^
<+jdp> j/k good luck!!!
#75069 +(143)- [X]
<K-sPecial> i'm trying to fork a server connection for every client that connects
<K-sPecial> although i dont want to writ 200 forks down my main perl script
<fxn> K-sPecial: you can limit your childs if you want
<rastakid> fxn: By using protection you mean?
#81964 +(237)- [X]
Quit (Connection reset by Cruise Missile)
#136840 +(556)- [X]
<Dock> Tristan: We understand, you're just brain damaged.
<Dock> We know you find those "things" fun, your POV is warped and it's OK.
<Dock> We'll all smile and talk behind your back.
<Tristan> OH YEAH
<Tristan> ATLEAST I DATE INSIDE MY SPECIES, YOU WENT OUTSIDE OF YOURS WHEN YOU DID IT WITH MY MOM
<Tristan> SO THERE
#137595 +(792)- [X]
<Disciple> Oh man, I was listening to music today, and I looked up, and all the kids were like ":O" and staring at the teacher, so I took off my music to see what was going on...
<Disciple> So I took off the headphones
<Disciple> And The teacher was screaming
<Disciple> "PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH! PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH!"
<Disciple> "GIVE IT TO HIM NOW! GIVE IT TO HIM NOW!"
<Disciple> And so I was like "What the hell's going on?"
<Disciple> And I looked over
<Disciple> and she was screaming on the phone.
<Disciple> And I just started cracking up
<Disciple> But then I found out that it was really sad and it was her son dying and someone had to give him his injection :(
<Disciple> But before I heard that, it was the funniest thing ever.
<[Striker]> ...well, damn,
<Disciple> (He is safe now)
#204225 +(297)- [X]
* jane masturbates
< applemacdude> god
< jane> YES!
< jane> found it
#207373 +(20935)- [X]
<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~firstname.lastname@example.org) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
#239455 +(534)- [X]
#242755 +(1635)- [X]
<jshock221> a freudian slip is when you say one thing but you're really thinking about a mother.
#304885 +(284)- [X]
<phx> 230-Welcome to Leadtek Research Inc.
<phx> 230 Anonymous user logged in.
<phx> motherfucking anime smileys
<phx> theyre everywhere
<phx> i mean what is that?
<phx> a dogs head with a iron rod shoved thru its head?
<phx> i guess that explains it, its probably an asian delicacy
#414577 +(961)- [X]
<+phlange> i said 'dhcp' and the tech support guy started to cry and go 'i hate my job i hate my job i hate my job'
#483072 +(1386)- [X]
SuperCoW : i once questioned a turtle about advanced trigonometry
SuperCoW : but after a while i found out it was only a rock
eightyapes : idiot
SuperCoW : fuck u... it was all mossy n stuff so it looked like a turtle
eightyapes : i dont think u get my point
#635159 +(322)- [X]
<Choko> i know 101 ways to use a penis
<HamsterMan> does it include writing with it and playing baseball
<Choko> okay... now i know 103 ways
#647279 +(509)- [X]
creativeembassy: you know what's really, REALLY cool about the dvorak keyboard?
creativeembassy: when you're playing hangman, all you gotta do is hit everysingle key on the home row, and you automatically kick your opponent's ass
#651378 +(621)- [X]
ThPhox: Dude...there's free Cinemax, and there's porn on.
ThPhox: AAAAnd it's anal.
ThPhox: *does the field goal sign*
SNAPEK1LSDMBLDOR: He shoots, wrong goalll!!!!!!
#672555 +(651)- [X]
<@Fallaware> oh fuck
<@Fallaware> apparently you can't select 3 gigs of mps and do "play in foobar"
<@Fallaware> I have like 10,000 instances of foobar running
<@Fallaware> holy fucking shit.
<@Fallaware> I don't know what to do about this
<@Fallaware> except restart.
<@Fallaware> this has to be the best argument for foobar
<@Fallaware> 10000 instances does not cause significant slowdown.
#746655 +(1158)- [X]
<StrangelyUnoriginal>So I was at Walmart, being the financial transaction overlord of register 21.
Rite, and this kid walks up, I ring up his items and he says, "So I heard you like mudkips?" so I acted all confused like he expected me to andhe had a little faggoty giggle then he asked me what his total was and I said, "Your total, IT'S OVER NINE THOUSSSSSSAAAAND!" and my manager was like, "lol wtf?" then I grabbed the pricing scanner and crushed it in my hand.
#767044 +(1301)- [X]
<vaguepant> This woman is immensely full of shit.
<vaguepant> "The damage that can be done to children by seeing a woman's breast in public is not that far off from the damage that can be done ...
<vaguepant> "to children who engage in sexual activities with adults."
<Wikidan829> oh no!! not titties!!
<Wikidan829> that's absolutely insane
<EdBoy> vaguepant: what the FUCK?
<vaguepant> If the damage is that minor, I'm gonna start fucking kids right now
#778845 +(666)- [X]
deusnoctum> I love online pharmacy spam that offer "discrete shipping." Does that mean they ship every pill individually?
#903172 +(1446)- [X]
insomniac: why is it that if you grind corn up into mush, eat it, it shows up as a full kernel in the toilet a few days later?
Steelix: He's right.
insomniac: what happens in my stomach...
mindule: insom: that's very interesting
PixelGuru: i pity you when you eat applesauce
#946244 +(342)- [X]
<Botbasher> talk about a bad friday, I was scalded by a Coffee Maker... Had my testes crushed by the same unit... I had to unstuck a garbage disposal..
<JackMcCornack> hehe ..
<JackMcCornack> So Botbasher hobbles into an ice cream shop and says to the gal behind the counter, <JackMcCornack> "I'm having a bad day, give me a rocky road ice cream cone with everything."
<JackMcCornack> "Crushed nuts?"
<JackMcCornack> "Yeah, I guess my walk gives it away. I got scalded too."
* GonzoRacer takes a bow