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#311 +(685)- [X]

<Raider^> Hey there, i got this new version of mirc, i should be in invisible mode, if anyone can see my sentance please reply.

#463 +(928)- [X]

"The cheek of every American must tingle with shame as he reads the silly,
flat, and dishwatery utterances of the man who has to be pointed out to
intelligent foreigners as the President of the United States."
   The Chicago Times review of After Lincoln's Gettysburg Address.

#1599 +(993)- [X]

<Prae> omg
<Prae> why the fuck do people put copyright notices ont heir shit
<Prae> it takes me long time to remove it :(

#2266 +(1158)- [X]

<Dregan> 3y3 4m l33t h4x0r
<Dregan> j0! 3y3 4m t4lking to j00!
<Dregan> fux0red 5cr1pt k1dd13.
<Dregan>    -"l33t h41ku"

#5020 +(542)- [X]

<iban> when i was your age all i had was a mac, and photoshop
<iban> if i wanted an online gf i had to draw her

#5419 +(390)- [X]

<MisterQ> I found a way you can call people for free while on the internet
<shilantra> oh really
<Republica> It's called "Your Neighbor's Phone"

#6885 +(388)- [X]

<rick_rizzy> dude how's this for a horror story
<rick_rizzy> i just ate a hershey's kiss
<rick_rizzy> but sort of half choked on it
<rick_rizzy> some of it got caught in my throat
<rick_rizzy> so i was all snorting and trying to cough it up
<rick_rizzy> and now it's all up in my upper throat and nasal passage
<rick_rizzy> I'M IN HELL

#7159 +(57)- [X]

<b|aze> i wanked my dog once
<b|aze> haha
<b|aze> i was so pissed

#8468 +(50)- [X]

* Tippytoes looks at kaff's box
<Tippytoes> err
<Tippytoes> that sounded bad

#11694 +(20)- [X]

<Yogurt> Well, I'm glad I went out of my way come to this bustling suburb of Gay City!
<Yogurt> hehe
<Yogurt> hehehe
* Yogurt writes that down

#13413 +(40)- [X]

<splorpo> chickens are bits of chickens put together
<splorpo> into a clump
<splorpo> like a shrub

#13745 +(196)- [X]

<BoneMan> anyone know how to setup a streming thingie for a webcam
<RonWeasley> www.surveyorcorp.com get webcam32 and go crazy
<InsomniFox> bone- have you got a bible handy?
<Mort-Hog> Yes. The Bible tells you how to set up your webcam.

#17725 +(1011)- [X]

<prok> still living at home :/
<nug> living at home is cool and all, but it sucks to kick a bitch out in the morning and she walks past my parents on the way out
<p0ng_> fuck that, i'm loving with my dad till he moves
<prok> BEST TYPO EVER

#21163 +(377)- [X]

<R0SC0E> i bought this returned 60 gig hard drive this weekend
<R0SC0E> thinking they probably just didn't know how to install it
<R0SC0E> and it'd be fine
<ScumDog> cheap or something?
<R0SC0E> and it turned out to be an old 20 gig drive with the label swapped
<R0SC0E> yeah
<R0SC0E> but the fuckwad left all his old files on it
<R0SC0E> so i have his name, address, phone number, fax number, e-mail
<R0SC0E> i e-mailed him and was like you dumbshit
<R0SC0E> he e-mailed back and was like i uh sell computer parts so once it leaves my hands i don't know what people do with their stuff
<R0SC0E> i was like what the fuck does that mean, why would someone take a 20 gig drive you sold, and put all of these letters to lawyers with your return address on them
<R0SC0E> and call their windows username your name
<R0SC0E> no reply after that

#23204 +(240)- [X]

*** Legalize- (ravecave@adsl-61-166-233.rdu.bellsouth.net) has joined channel #baseball
<Lumpy> what do you want to legalize?
<Lumpy> blunts?
<Legalize-> child labor and wastewater dumping
<Lumpy> hahahaha
<Lumpy> thats cool

#31025 +(610)- [X]

<The_Enigmatic_Lemur> Hmm whats a nice sophisticated term to put on a resum for fast food cook.
<Drain> ...
<ZS|GTA3> ...
<Geno|Morrowind> Hamburger Helper
<ZS|GTA3> Ahahah.
<Drain> ahaha

#36098 +(768)- [X]

(backslash) Wow, the introduction to this chapter in the driving book we got today is. . . well, reassuring.
(backslash) 'Finally, the keys and the car... our dream has come true! You climb in behind the wheel, the engine starts and purrs. Wow! Shift into gear and you're off.
(backslash) The sky darkens, rain starts to fall... Where is that wiper switch? Oops, not that one. Oh! There is it! And now, the headlights.
(backslash) What does that bright blue light mean? Why is that oncoming car flashing high beams? My gosh... the car in front is braking... Your vehicle is sliding!! Your heart is pounding! Now what?!'
(zztzed) "If you slam on the brakes and go hydroplaning into the rear end of the car in front of you, turn to page 36."

#36959 +(1269)- [X]

<@qurve> * qurve stabs Yawatog in the eye
<Yawatog> .(

#39816 +(117)- [X]

<Froggy> back in high school, football was only good for one thing, helping me try to get with Band chicks
<Froggy> I failed.

#40530 +(174)- [X]

<Cid{FYD}> B R to the B
<Navix{mp3}> Death to Cid for saying: <Cid{FYD}> B R to the B
* Cid{FYD} has quit IRC (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
<Lance> that was easy :P

#40924 +(197)- [X]

<TeichDragon> batir, host a Pr0n site ;)
<batir> hrm... My digital camera is teh sux0r
<Gilthas> Not pr0n of YOU.
<Gilthas> Ew.
<TeichDragon> *shudders*

#42678 +(366)- [X]

<danhon> overheard in the lab:
<danhon> "try doing javac first before you do java"
<Cringer> hahaha
<danhon> "what does that do?"
<danhon> "dunno, but it works"

#45007 +(398)- [X]

<fats> whats a kernel?
<_astrodz_> kernel is the man who made kfc!
<fats> huh?
<_astrodz_> his chicken is built from source

#45059 +(21)- [X]

<wild`> Afghanistan Quick Facts: Life Expectancy 46.62 male, 45.1 female (2000 est.) <<<soon to be revised

#51033 +(258)- [X]

<autistk> underneath your clothes there's an endless story?
<autistk> riiiiight
<autistk> I suspect something was lost in the translation
<autistk> or is it about the scene in the neverendingstory when the kid steals the book by hiding it up his sweater?

#52577 +(290)- [X]

<DrkNrg`> i once knew a man who took some acid and he thort he was a fire engine, it was kinda funny until he pissed on my lighter

#54272 +(1385)- [X]

<hamutaro> Check this out
<hamutaro> ^ I'm with stupid! ^
<hamutaro> Oh, wait.
<hamutaro> Fuck

#56368 +(194)- [X]

[devilsad] OO is like the missionary position, all day long
[@sobri] heh
[@sobri] i think of it more like group sex
[devilsad] no wonder you like it then
[@sobri] class ReachAround extends AnalSex
[_Spunky_] its like an orgy with everyone you know - you know exactly how to treat each class
[_Spunky_] whereas imperative code, you have to be formally introduced to each new partenr
[@sobri] and remember every conversation you've had with them, just incase you put your food in your mouth with something you say later
[devilsad] it's too clean and clinical for me
[devilsad] rubber gloves on before the insertion, so to speak
[@sobri] heh
[_Spunky_] haha
[devilsad] no casual toying with other people's private functions
[@sobri] i don't know OOP in any languages other than php, but can always statically call methods
[@sobri] $jizzim = ForePlay::handJob;
[_Spunky_] public sub spunkOnTheCarpet()
[@sobri] $orgy = new Orgy; $orgy->addFemale('linda'); $orgy->addFemale('tina'); $orgy->addMidget('gary'); $orgy->addSelf();
[devilsad] lol

#67454 +(583)- [X]

<amiel> i got a new reality show
<amiel> a chick has unprotected sex with 10 or so guys while she's ovulating, 9 months later a camera crew goes and ruins each guys life
<amiel> we could call it remember me, or sexual roulette
<amiel> or find a bunch of people who are related and don't know it, hook them up, and expose their incest

#74523 +(712)- [X]

AdamGoods> A seagull just took my sandwich!
AdamGoods> brb!!!!
AdamGoods> Ok, we're good now. I traded it some tylenol for my sandwich back.
AdamGoods> Wait, this isn't mayo!!!
AdamGoods> Nobody say anything.
AdamGoods> I'm a one man show.
AdamGoods> I'm a one man band. I can walk in my corduroys and play the kazoo!
AdamGoods> Ziddlelum Zum Zuuuuum ZEEP!
Fink-Ployd has quit IRC (QUIT: Stealing in the name of the lord.)
AdamGoods> No, don't leave! I was just kdding!! I get why your name is so funny!
AdamGoods> *kidding
AdamGoods> whew. that was close. didn't want you guys to think that I couldn't spell kidding
AdamGoods> *kdding
uni2> gHg t
KiKAzZ> AdamGoods.....
KiKAzZ> wtf is wrong with yo
KiKAzZ> you*
AdamGoods> Oh...phew.
AdamGoods> I thought you were asking me what's wrong with yo. I have no problem with the aforementioned Spanish pronoun/ebonic salutation.

#76839 +(678)- [X]

<cHiiZukAMi> lol, my gf knows how to play mario, thats so sexy
<cHiiZukAMi> i let her borrow my gameboy for band and she did all these secret areas i forgot about
<cHiiZukAMi> who cares if a girl cant do your laundry or stuff if she can get you to the donut secret ghost house?

#79862 +(1062)- [X]

*** Now talking in #caps
<Gets> IS THIS FINALLY THE RIGHT CHANNEL?

#80411 +(641)- [X]

<Josh_Aogiri> "Give a man a fire, he is warm for a day. Set a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life."
<odin> I dissagree
<odin> He'll be warm a few hours after his life is over

#81140 +(154)- [X]

[ @Sin|ion ] it's very hard to take down the internet
[ @Sin|ion ] cuz it's not just one server

#99683 +(159)- [X]

<Red_Squirrel> Jeff [Hardy] could get caught backstage sleeping with every diva and KO would still find a way to label him gay ^_^
<dubchu> ...every diva *at the same time*, yo.
<DaimaijeD> He DOES paint pretty blue swirlies on himself with what looks like pudding.
<DaimaijeD> When you smear yourself with blue pudding in preparation to meet a guy in tights, there's something amiss.

#99716 +(221)- [X]

<Gho5t> i decided against that php bumper sticker
<Gho5t> i don't want my friends from home to think i turned into a super geek
<Gho5t> i can just imagine what would happen when they ask what 'php' meant
<ASleep>hah
<ASleep>I don't drive so my PHP sticker is on my laptop.
<ASleep> Of course, I'm getting my php tattoo this weekend so it doesn't matter.

#103864 +(406)- [X]

<sweetlisa> hi i'm singel and lookin for a bf...private msg me :)
<Ninja_Dib> i have a gf
<DJMORGAN> i have a bf
<Johnsee> I have a gf
<psynapse> i have wood
<knokturnal> i have a milf
<Ninja_Dib> LOL
<DJMORGAN> knokturnal: you know if u actually say that including the acronym that doesnt sound very good

#107384 +(111)- [X]

Mayor of your Brain: I weasled out of going to my cousin's graduation ;)
C_Caillavet: you rule
C_Caillavet: But what if you missed out on punch and pie?
Mayor of your Brain: Fuck them, I got meatloaf

#122713 +(1044)- [X]

<Feren> I'm a network engineer, and I'm o-kay / I plot all night and capture packets all day.
<Athena> You smack down PCs and eat Cat5, and go to the lavatory? On wednesdays you hunt scriptkiddies, and have roasted punk for tea?
<Slipstream> Old MacDonald had a network. EIGRP. And on this Network, he had some packets. EIGRP. With an ACK, ACK, here, and an ACK, ACK, there. Here an ACK, there an ACK, everywhere an ACK-ACK. Old Macdonald had a Network. EIGRP.
<Feren> ...

#124859 +(418)- [X]

<deadpewl> dude
<Darn> hmmm I'm wondoring about these ranchos
<deadpewl> this dumb slut is at my house
<deadpewl> she wont leave
<deadpewl> but she wont fuck me
<deadpewl> wtf
<deadpewl> but she buys me beer and food
<deadpewl> so I guess she can stay
<TheDrip> just shove your cock in her mouth, and if she done like it, throw her out
<deadpewl> brb

#162646 +(355)- [X]

<disturbed>> I have a fear... of EGGS. I know it's silly and my girlfriend makes fun of me saying I have EGGNAPHOBIA. But I have had this problem my whole life... EGGS actually scare me.
<disturbed> When people talk about omlettes for example, I feel sick in my stomach... I physically cannot touch EGGS as I get shivery and feel ill and if I see someone eating an EGG sandwich I get a nervous twitch (always in my right eye) and I literally have to leave the room. Even the smell of EGGS makes me feel faint.
<disturbed> I think it's because EGGS are from chicken's butts and that always deeply disturbed me as a kid... I think it developed from there.
<skelm> you have some really serious issues...

#239973 +(961)- [X]

* Joins: kewty (sunkloto@vw4936.iprimus.net.au)
<kewty> wat av i mist?
<chopsuey> english class

#242116 +(264)- [X]

<Tie> CD-RWs are like.. virigins who never lose their virginity no matter how much you fuck 'em

#294137 +(390)- [X]

<Bubbaprog> sweet
<Bubbaprog> my posters came from the museum of modern art
<Bubbaprog> three huuuge art prints, magritte and miro, for 20 buckls shipped
<Bubbaprog> you should see the giant bazooka they came in
<Bubbaprog> it's like a tampon applicator for rosie o'donnell

#475930 +(1275)- [X]

The Great Ookami: you mad with me pup?
Kyouto Hasuki: i dont think so
Kyouto Hasuki: lemme check my log

#477397 +(1599)- [X]

<Vash> /ctcp Bot doit passwd <command>
<Vash> try it!
<Kao> okay
-> [Bot] DOIT passwd msg #scripting I love babies
<bot> I love babies
-> [Bot] DOIT passwd /run shutdown -r -t 3 -c "byeeeee"
<Vash> ohhh
* Vash has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer)
* Bot has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer)

#596241 +(1491)- [X]

<Yaksha> I asked my brother what he wanted for Christmas.
<Yaksha> He said he wanted cold hard cash.
<Yaksha> So that's exactly what I gave him.
<Yaksha> I got 20 $1 bills, soaked them in water and put them in the freezer.
<Yaksha> When he got it, it was just a block of green ice that took a day to thaw.

#631847 +(1328)- [X]

bcreasy: come check this out
gbarnes: no
bcreasy: *shiny thing*
gbarnes: oh, be right there

#671747 +(236)- [X]

<Chichi> have u ever been up to neck in pussy?
<Ree Cakes> Yeah, when you stand by me.

#714660 +(3978)- [X]

InnerGoat: My wife has 2 problems. One is the fact that everytime she gets drunk she gets mean. She always looks for a fight, or a way to make me feel like shit me. The other problem is that every morning after she gets drunk she has an explosive watery shit. One night she pushed me to far.
She was drunk of course and felling a little frisky so we we messing around and I tried to put it in the butt, she got mad and started talking shit, about how I'm no good and my dick is small, and that she probally wouldn't even feel it. so we never did have sex.
After she went to sleep I couldn't get the pain of her saying my dick was small out of my head. I wanted to embarrass her as much as she embarrased me. So I got an Idea
I went to my sons room and got his bag of marbles. i then went to my secret stash and got a bottle of lube. I could just image her reactions when you shit marbles the next morning. I lubed them up one at a time and slowly pushed each one in. About a hundered in all. I got so excited I jerked off then giggled my self to sleep.
The next morning I woke up so excited I couldn't stand it. I made allot of noise getting dressed so she would wake up. She did and not 3 minutes later she said " oh my stomach. not again" and ran to the bathroom. I was in thee brushing my teeth. Usually she would tell me to leave but the urge was to intense. She sat down and let it rip.
She dam near had a heart attack from the noise. The marbles hitting the porcelin sounded like a machine gun going off in the bathroon. She turned white as a sheet and stood up. Still shitting all over the place. Marbles rolling all over the floor as they bounced around. It took her a couple of minutes to put it all together. She said " What the ****" I just laughed and laughed as she packed her shit and left.
I really do kind of miss her though.

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