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#16 +(4553)- [X]

<wecell> new apples look fairly interesting, but i'd hate to buy into something that is going to CRASH all the time.
<DigDug> wecell : What are you using right now?
<wecell> i've always used windows machines.

#56 +(1244)- [X]

<Wind-X> and penis butter and jelly make a good sandwich

#2667 +(597)- [X]

<eldee> uNF = universal noise of fucking
<BombScare> usually the only thing i hear when im fucking is "who the fuck are you"

#3646 +(358)- [X]

<WhitePony> I want to upgrade my t3 connection to a cable modem, where do i download the patch?

#7158 +(155)- [X]

<Chambered> my hair is halfway down my back
<tize> thats too long
<Chambered> but when your taking a shit and run out of paper, its alright

#8187 +(236)- [X]

<CrashCat> downloading lineage: 10 hours. patching lineage: 3 hours. uninstalling lineage: priceless.

#12160 +(206)- [X]

<Guyp> but now i should make a decision, should i go get the gf4 or go to a l33t koala zoo :(

#16676 +(1288)- [X]

Stinkysteven67: I love married with children. Its a great show.
Lucy17: It's ok, One thing that bugs me about that show,
In the pilot series they had Al bundy sounding like he was from Brooklyn
or something when they are supposed to be from Chicago.
Stinkysteven67: Where do you think brooklyn is dork?
Lucky17: Its in new york goofball, chicago is in illinios.
Stinkysteven67: Oh sorry, I've never been good at geometry.
Lucy17: Umm yea..

#16908 +(110)- [X]

<endura> fuck women, I got me a national geographic and a bottle of gergins hand lotion, I'm fucking set for the next 10 years

#20259 +(398)- [X]

<marcus> what is this "work" thing you've gotten yourself involved with?
<marcus> sounds like some sort of cult or something
<marcus> seemsm you are spending all of your time there lately
<marcus> how does your family feel about your involvement with it?

#21869 +(315)- [X]

<DoInK`> i mean the other side sends me DCC Chat request and i accept it by
          ^T, and i don't know what to do next
<timecop> doink:
<DoInK`> Linux
<timecop> type
<timecop>  /exec -o yes i want ot dcc chat
<^Spike^> err
<^Spike^> no dont do that
<DoInK`> i want to dcc chat
<DoInK`> i want to dcc chat
<DoInK`> i want to dcc chat
<DoInK`> i want to dcc chat
<DoInK`> i want to dcc chat
<DoInK`> i want to dcc chat
*** SignOff DoInK`: #bitchx (Excess Flood)
<timecop> holy fuck
<timecop> he actually did it
<zone`> G
<^Spike^> isnt this a help channel?
<dh> hahaha
<^Spike^> then why tell em to do stuff like that?
<dh> awwww
<zone`> grr

#21996 +(80)- [X]

<niles> when it comes to women
<niles> only one thing should be in latex
<niles> my prosthetic leg

#23119 +(678)- [X]

<Denyerec> Welcome to Britain, the USA's largest non-nuclear aircraft carrier!

#36648 +(407)- [X]

#38565 +(121)- [X]

<KrayZie> you know what pisses me off
<KrayZie> all those damn contests that offer as their grand prizes and all expenses paid vacation to hawaii.
<KrayZie> funny part is, contests in hawaii offer that as their prizes as well

#40490 +(1229)- [X]

<AMD_aTHLON_MP> mnajdi@microsoft.aint.nothing.but.a.system-crash.net
<C0ZMIC|WoRk> yeh
<C0ZMIC|WoRk> i work for microsoft
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> oh ok
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> to u know l cracked the windows xp home
<C0ZMIC|WoRk> heh so what
<C0ZMIC|WoRk> many people crack our software
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> do u know the trick
<C0ZMIC|WoRk> once you try and install service pack 1 your ip will be logged and traced
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> l work for the tnt2 cracker team
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> we cracked over 40 milon softwares
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> look man
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> we got a ip logging that gives u fake traces
<C0ZMIC|WoRk> microsoft already makes millions from coporate buyers
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> that how we cracked win xp home
<C0ZMIC|WoRk> i already got your IP from IRC
<C0ZMIC|WoRk> @acc6-ppp29.hay.dialup.connect.net.au
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> l, joking
<C0ZMIC|WoRk> i can call your ISP and ask them who you are
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> l not evevn useing win xp home
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> l,m sorry
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> l was only jking
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> plz forgive me
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> l got a licesed copy of win98
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> plz forgive me

#46541 +(780)- [X]

* Sep mst find a working free ISP for gods sack
<BlazeHedgehogAdvance> God's Sack? Isn't that..
<BlazeHedgehogAdvance> Sack-religious?

#47530 +(230)- [X]

IVIasterFunk: biacksfourteen
Biax14: iviasterflunk
IVIasterFunk: funk*
IVIasterFunk: bastard
Biax14: D'oh
Biax14: My mistake ;
IVIasterFunk: my ass
Biax14: is smeely
IVIasterFunk: the l is nowhere near the l key
IVIasterFunk: u*
IVIasterFunk: fuck

#48842 +(182)- [X]

<Basketcase> There was a swarm of lesbians at my school today...
<Basketcase> they were gonna eat me out alive...

#49019 +(283)- [X]

<fahd> anyone want to volunteer with me at the retirement home
<d3> hell no fahd
<d3> have fun cleaning up 93 year old feces
<fahd> no
<fahd> just to talk to them
<fahd> entertain them
<fahd> and maybe get laid

#50733 +(203)- [X]

<Jeeeeebus> plus i got jedis to give me hound jobs..
<LDM> hound jobs = beastality?
<Jeeeeebus> HAND!! HAND!!

#53941 +(129)- [X]

<+Tolkien`> chicks will only last a while
<+Tolkien`> i can use my comp all night

#55872 +(40)- [X]

<[N]> if a chick just comes over gives u head and leaves
<[N]> it just rules
<[N]> for lazy ppl
<[N]> u could even irc while getting the job done
<WTM2K> would that be like road head?
<[N]> hahah
<WTM2K> irc head... geek version of road head

#58158 +(697)- [X]

* Locke is listening to Nsync - Tearin' Up My Heart
<Locke> ...
<Locke> time to turn the plug-in off

#58743 +(1382)- [X]

<@Campbell> I saw the best thing today... I was around at a mates place and these Jehovah's Witnesses came around preaching their shit
<@Campbell> So my mate invites them in and sits down and offers them pizza and cookies.
<@Campbell> After about 15 minutes they left very happy.
<@Campbell> We spotted them about an hour later lying in a park staring at the sky
<@Campbell> I guess those hash cookies and that magic mushie pizza really did its job.
<@Campbell> Who said drugs were bad?!

#81394 +(5)- [X]

<RichiH> bathing supports terrorism

#92024 +(421)- [X]

<LadyDragon> But I like to think that I have brains over bronze anyhow

#99683 +(154)- [X]

<Red_Squirrel> Jeff [Hardy] could get caught backstage sleeping with every diva and KO would still find a way to label him gay ^_^
<dubchu> ...every diva *at the same time*, yo.
<DaimaijeD> He DOES paint pretty blue swirlies on himself with what looks like pudding.
<DaimaijeD> When you smear yourself with blue pudding in preparation to meet a guy in tights, there's something amiss.

#100794 +(292)- [X]

<nih> if I was reincarnated, I'd be a baby seal
<nih> someone might take me clubbing.

#133750 +(429)- [X]

<Calren> Zaphod, do you think that if I arrange AOL CD's in a pentagram I will be able to use the powers of darkness to control the actions of mortals?

#136343 +(153)- [X]

<+OwnzYa> work?
<+OwnzYa> whats that?
<@Wapwap> That explains why you are so fat

#154053 +(214)- [X]

<Orig> twelve monkeys pissed me off
<Orig> there were no monkeys

#162475 +(340)- [X]

<kurai> lol this is the best warning ever looklook:
<kurai> This is your brain -> O
<kurai> This is your brain on drugs -> o
<kurai> This is your butthole -> o
<kurai> This is your butthole in prison -> O

#165680 +(496)- [X]

<nummish> your loss.. raver girls dressed as cats
<nummish> strung out on every chemical known to man
<nummish> what more could you ask for? really?
<sheizkopft> an STD test?

#228701 +(1235)- [X]

<`Riku> The new Britney Spears music video is like a softcore porn video
<`Riku> except the music ain't quite as good.

#259320 +(746)- [X]

<helv> a giant mini egg just drove past my house

#267372 +(1481)- [X]

<dizzy[subnova]> A YO WHERE MAH NIGGAZ AT?!
<P_40E> over there
<P_40E> take your stuff with you
<P_40E> never come back

#268485 +(420)- [X]

* Kavey starts talking to the internet in binary
<Alver> 10110101011111010100101011010111010100 Kavey? :)
<gavagai> Alver: watch the language
<Kavey> Alver: how dare you... my mother is a saint

#291655 +(2768)- [X]

<vai> My mom is like, deathly afraid of worms and she saw one on the sidewalk
<vai> so she made me go get it and she went inside the house, so I went in the house with the worm in my hand
<vai> and she yelled my name and told me to get rid of it, so I threw it outside I came in the house
<vai> she called me an asshole and a son of a bitch
<vai> so I was like "son of a bitch?" she said "shut up, you're adopted go away"
<vai> =(

#395868 +(477)- [X]

<Navi> My mother (to brother): "If get fat enough, you can't see your weenee."
<Navi> My brother (age 8): "BUT I CAN MAKE IT BIG!"
<Navi> I lost all hope, right there.

#554689 +(1759)- [X]

Steve: I was buying condoms for a friend of mine at the beach in a drug store
Steve: and I also picked up one of those freezable ice packs cuz I hurt my knee surfing that day
Steve: I put both of the items on teh counter
Steve: the big black guy behind the counter looks at me and says quite loudly
Steve: son, what are you gonna do to that poor girl
Steve: this older couple that was checking out looks at me and then hurries out fo the store

#579742 +(1152)- [X]

<digamond> was a dude in a school that installed Firefox
<digamond> the girl next to him asks what he is doing
<digamond> he told her .. that he is installing a new web browser..
<digamond> after that
<digamond> when he started up the Firefox and went to google .. she looked at him and said..
<digamond> that was not so nessesery .. it still shows the same websites

#601180 +(1295)- [X]

<Heavy_Clown> Funny how IRC is mostly populated by elitist, ignorant pre-pubescent teenagers who can't even construct an intelligent insult. |:
<Vick> heavy....its funny how your probably 32 or something and have nothing better to do than try to out smart teenagers on irc

#634093 +(988)- [X]

shotz190: my cellphones just gettin worse as time goes on
shotz190: whenever somebody sends me a text, it just takes longer and longer to get here
shotz190: either that or jake wants to know if i can give him a ride to school yesterday

#638549 +(1888)- [X]

Omniscient Sean: I think we should terrorist start throwing in nuclear weapon noteworthy national security keywords to Allah otherwise innocuous conversations.
InfiniteSuperior: I Bin Laden agree.
Omniscient Sean: So how are Al Qaeda classes?
InfiniteSuperior: I have Al Sadr a psychology report Iran due Wednesday.
Omniscient Sean: Ah, that Tehran sucks.
Omniscient Sean: This bizarre Sadaam open-source database utility has all the Palestine trappings of other open-source utilities.
Omniscient Sean: In this WMD case, useless error messages.
InfiniteSuperior: Other than Pakistan that, classes are Libby going well.

#639513 +(1011)- [X]

<Green> So my gf left me... I feel like a load of shit
<vampireslaya> :(
<death_man> Yeah there are these fuckers on IRC who keep shitting on about their damn lives... Fucking gay.
<Green> ...
<xxXpronXxx> What the hell?
<death_man> Erm wrong window
<xxXpronXxx> I see
<vampireslaya7> Anything else you want to tell us, bitch?

#664248 +(1238)- [X]

<Lynxis> so i was outside today..
<Lynxis> i seen this bird chasing after this a butterfly
<Lynxis> my first thought was that the bird was probably trying to rape the butterfly
<Lynxis> then my second thought was maybe the butterfly was playing hard to get
<Lynxis> and my third thought was "Wow, I must really hang out in the wrong places on the internet."

#669946 +(185)- [X]

<Gabe> lol i didnt like the diary of anne frank
<FraudulentTommah> if anne frank was alive today would she make a livejournal
<Super_Moogle> The Livejournal of Anne Frank
<Super_Moogle> "Mood: Happy :))"

#670121 +(2203)- [X]

<sigafoo> i realized i loved my girlfriend when i said to her
<sigafoo> <3
<sigafoo> and she said "<3.14159265" back...

#880444 +(1016)- [X]

PROTOtype2k6: Hey Fel you know the difference between Michael phelps and Hitler?
Felathan: no clue proto.
PROTOtype2k6: At least Michael Phelps could finish a race.

0.0509 20983 quotes approved; 983 quotes pending
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