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#317 +(809)- [X]

<Megumi> hahaha ASL nate :P
<NtG> yourage + 1/if you = female { me = male } else { me = female }/surrey

#1245 +(227)- [X]

<Gryphon> any ideas what this error is when i try to ping a pc on my LAN: connect: Netowork is unreachable

#1586 +(580)- [X]

<[D60]BIG_K> WHY IS CHANSERV IN EVERY FUCKING CHANNEL

#3282 +(84)- [X]

<ChAoS_zZz> FTP UP @ XX.XX.XX.XX port XXXX xxxx/xxxx 60k Cap If u dont get in its full. Hammer me and Ill fuckin Whack ya. Dont try and leech the whole site. Ill rape your mom, then your sister. WIth your mom's torn off arm. Think thats harsh? U should see some of the assholes logging on.

#4333 +(382)- [X]

*jwzrd-* kicks Butters in the nuts
*Butters* watches as jwzrd- breaks his foot on his morning wood

#6627 +(371)- [X]

<CecilPL> I have a life, I just don't do anything in it

#6883 +(180)- [X]

(Pills) "You've got a low IQ" (new signon to AOL sound)

#6982 +(170)- [X]

<zoner> anyone know the content-type for a .exe
<ZXPKNOBB> It's content-type is "fun".

#7518 +(217)- [X]

<Cerebus> death is the ++ at the end of life

#9038 +(182)- [X]

ilsa: well i suppose calculus isn't rocket science and some people can't do that...
MistrE: calc is nearly rocket science
CuriosCat can do rocket science
CuriosCat: it's easier than calculuc
CuriosCat: caalculus

#9624 +(414)- [X]

<caspah> I woke up
<caspah> half on the couch
<caspah> half off
<caspah> with no clothes on
<caspah> and a condom next to ther couch
<djcrom> used?
<caspah> yeah
<caspah> BUT
<caspah> my gf left last night
<caspah> she went to a friends
<caspah> my gf wasn't here
<Vapno> was your ass sore?
<caspah> actually yeash

#9670 +(676)- [X]

<[ryan]> nah when i first saw porn of any kind i was like "man, that must get boring after a while"
<[ryan]> then i went back to programming heh
<shea_> when i first saw programming
<shea_> i was like
<shea_> "man, that must get boring after a while"\
<shea_> then i went back to porn

#12340 +(249)- [X]

<ScottY> I think you're number 65344 that asks me to beam them up... please stop that, it's annoying!'
<Rain> that's what you get for taking the nick scotty

#16776 +(217)- [X]

<Pepsi> A Smith and Wesson beats four Aces.
<Tjousk> only if it's loaded

#17334 +(298)- [X]

<Xetrov`> im gonna go try out this "physical activity" shit i keep hearing about

#23322 +(141)- [X]

<b22022> everyone that goes to public pools pees in them, its an animal instinct to leave your scent.

#33960 +(289)- [X]

<FooMashoo> i wear my pants backwards
<Bryan> is that so the zipper is easier for your lover?
<FooMashoo> yes

#35307 +(236)- [X]

<Night> bitches fall for everything.
<CptPlanet> i know. dumb sluts.
<Night> it's genetic that they are cuter and stupider.
<CptPlanet> yeah. it's because cute smart chicks don't like to fuck, and dumb ugly chicks don't get hit on.
<CptPlanet> natural selection.

#36946 +(61)- [X]

<foop> THE FUCKING US POSTAL SERVICE IS CALLING ME
<foop> ASKING ME TO HELP THEIR FUCKIGN DERELICT OPERATION
<Potrzebie> Tell them I said "Hi"

#39326 +(14)- [X]

<Kerry> wehw... i really need to learn irc.. can anyone here teach me all the 'cool stuff?
<Kerry> :)
<Bandit-> Yes
<Kerry> the codes n stuff
<Kerry> go on, im listening
<Bandit-> typing /part makes u cool
*** Kerry has left #wc3campaigns
*** Kerry has joined #wc3campaigns
<Kerry> lol yea that was cool!
<Bandit-> ok, enough fooling around
<Kerry> im a noob!
<Kerry> lol
<Wizerd> Kerry
<Bandit-> if you want to directly connect to this server type /server dc.this
<Wizerd> You knwo whats cooler?
<Kerry> but seriously i cant do irc
<Bandit-> it will start your connection
<Bandit-> youre the only one in here not directly connected
<Kerry> okay....
<Wizerd> Alt-f4 makes your compouter go duble speed
<Bandit-> no, that is a lie !
<Kerry> wizerd ive already tried that :)
<Bandit-> kerry , u can only remain here about 2 more minutes unless u directly conenct
*** Kerry has quit IRC (Quit: )

#40520 +(609)- [X]

<Nate> i have a big problem suddenly
<Nate> i just went to scratch myself
<Nate> had superglue on my hand and didn't realize it
<Nate> my left hand is now superglued somewhere very bad
<Weirdo_God_of_Insanity> Remember, twisting motions will overstress the glue, hopefully before it overstresses you.
Weirdo_God_of_Insanity is suddenly GLAD he cannot see Nate right now.
<Nate> .......
<Nate> oh god
<Nate> that hurt..
<Nate> cccc
<Nate> cccc
<Nate> dammit
<Nate> my fingers now glued to the c key
<Weirdo_God_of_Insanity> Well, that's gotta be an improvement, really.

#42262 +(1455)- [X]

<parnbl00d> I've been questioning my sexuality for a while, but my family's all conservative and stuff, so I don't wanna come out with it to them
<naga> parn: go to goatse.cx
* parnbl00d goes
<parnbl00d> thanks, that'll keep me straight for the next 20 years
<naga> no problem

#43492 +(220)- [X]

Chibinaeko: OH OH!!! Tell me what a boygasm feels like!!!!
azurerenraku: Too hard to explain
Chibinaeko: would you try for a scooby snack?

#44543 +(42)- [X]

<spd_dmn> theres a fucking .doc
<spd_dmn> read it?
<WillaCuz> reading is for faggots
<pagan> spoken like a true black man WillaCuz

#45059 +(21)- [X]

<wild`> Afghanistan Quick Facts: Life Expectancy 46.62 male, 45.1 female (2000 est.) <<<soon to be revised

#46250 +(221)- [X]

* phx^mod looks at isolan thermal management tray
<phx^mod> this looks like some serious cooling potential ;)

[some time later]

<phx^mod> ow
<phx^mod> its got serious finger removal potential too :/

#47667 +(45)- [X]

<teek> tenchi, ebay!
<_Tenchi_> bah fuck ebay
<_Tenchi_> i wouldnt buy a $9 cutlery set off of ebay
<fate-> heh, a friend of mine in London bought a chest of drawers off of ebay, had to go pick it up by car (an hour away)
<fate-> it sucked and wasn't of high quality like he expected, so we took it back, and on the way smashed it up, and left it on the guy's doorstep

#49438 +(205)- [X]

<Rogue> lol @ my dads message just sent to me
<Rogue> "Press down if you think your gay"
<Rogue> i pressed down
<Rogue> "You fucking faggot"
<Rogue> he is an asshole
* Rogue slaps his dad

#49583 +(43)- [X]

<SiCkNeSs-> <-------fucking maggot slipknot fan!!!
<SiCkNeSs-> got my own channel!!!!!
<SiCkNeSs-> >=)
<dreamHOBO> i believe you mean fucking faggot

#52136 +(538)- [X]

<LIQuid> my mom is convinced that i need milk
<LIQuid> yeah well i tell her that i dont need to be artifically breast feed by genetically altered and enhanced cows
<LIQuid> all she says "dont make me get your father"
<Deke> your dad is going to breastfeed you?

#56775 +(236)- [X]

<GladX> do people still wear the farmer johns type ski pants?
<kickingdog> yeah...they sell those.  north face has gore tex ones
* GladX hates those
<GladX> gotta fidget for 15 minutes just to take a piss
<kickingdog> north face ones are the shizzle fo sheezy
<GladX> babelfish is having troubles translating what you just said to english

#58532 +(1441)- [X]

<wangschlong> So i was walking by some house
<wangschlong> and some hot girl was staring at me from the house
<wangschlong> so i go closer and shes still staring at me
<wangschlong> it turns out
<wangschlong> IT WAS A FUCKING LAMP

#82112 +(319)- [X]

<NES> In about 1-3 grades we used to have long peeing competitions
<NES> To see who could continue peeing while taking steps back from the urinal
<NES> Those bathrooms were a damn mess, hahe
<Kufat> NES I would like to remind you that your GIRLFRIEND is in this CHANNEL at this time.
<NES> shit, you're right

#103535 +(759)- [X]

<Ned> rofl
<Ned> Sud N' Fud
<Ned> When trying to bang a girl, she gives that same old story, "I not that kind of girl.", "I don't fuck on the first date.", "I'm catholic.", "Stop asshole.", etc. etc... After hearing all this bullshit, you whip out your handy bar of soap. Then lather up her armpit (or any other joint you prefer), and proceed to fuck that instead
<CB[UN1]> you forgot the usual line
<CB[UN1]> "hey stop im only 12"
<iX|Blue|afk> lol
<iX|Blue|afk> i usually get "woof bark bark"

#117914 +(1987)- [X]

<SpitZ> this sms was sent by a friend of mine
<SpitZ> Sally mr. pls,2wedding
<SpitZ> What's that supposed to mean?
<crazhee> i think it read as "Sally mist'er period. please comma to wedding"

#124033 +(424)- [X]

<Kaster> Here's a quesiton: if you could kill one person, and you were guaranteed you would not get caught, who would you kill and why?
<Tomekeeper> I would kill Pauly Shore.  If anyone needs that explained they should be next on the list.

#127271 +(483)- [X]

<SUPERMCNUGGET> allright
<SUPERMCNUGGET> i need ur guys help on this
<SUPERMCNUGGET> THIS CONFUSES ME
<Loserbait> Depending
<SUPERMCNUGGET> greatly
<Loserbait> Spit it out little bitch
<SUPERMCNUGGET> obviously a flavoured condom is designed for one reason
<Loserbait> To use on your penis. Yes, continue
<SUPERMCNUGGET> so the woman can taste some random flavour while performing oral sex
<SUPERMCNUGGET> HOWEVER
<SUPERMCNUGGET> on the back of the box it says
<SUPERMCNUGGET> FOR VAGINAL USE ONLY
<SUPERMCNUGGET> how does it work?
<Loserbait> Um... Vaginas have taste buds?
<Loserbait> <Vagina> Oooh! Minty!
<SUPERMCNUGGET> dont ask why i have a box of flavoured condoms either.....
<Loserbait> Admit it: It's for those lonely nights...

#139025 +(1545)- [X]

<Neji-Sama> OMFG, life is great.
<Neji-Sama> Some girl just im'ed me.
<Neji-Sama> She's masturbating right now thinking of me.
<Neji-Sama> It's like, wow.
<Neji-Sama> FUCK!
<Neji-Sama> She said it's the wrong window -.-
<JapanAir900> ...
<Cidsa> HAHAHAHAAH

#212553 +(308)- [X]

<Prescient1> what's the syntax for sending a message to the whole channel on a timer?
<|sliq|> /timer 0 (delay in seconds) msg #channelname Message
<|sliq|> don't do 0 0, you'll flood out right away
* Prescient1 Quit (Excess Flood)

#260282 +(2340)- [X]

<knightmare> _______ ___._._._
<GTEK> ?
<knightmare> /s_r__r 12_._._.1
<GTEK> dam i kno this
<knightmare> /ser_er 127._._.1
* Quits: GTEK (Quit)
* Quits: xfiles (Quit)
* Quits: Evolution (Quit)

#361619 +(684)- [X]

<GigaVirus> I've never had a firewall and never been hacked :/.
<GigaVirus> .
<GigaVirus> That was dumb to say.

#450266 +(869)- [X]

MotrCycleForLife: I think a cute movie idea would be about a parrot who is raised by eagles. It would be cute because the parrot can't seem to act like an eagle. After a while, though, to keep the movie from getting boring, maybe put in some pornography. Later, we see the happy parrot flying along, acting like an eagle. He see two parrots below and starts to attack, but it's his parents. Then, some more pornography.

#563614 +(968)- [X]

<Fenril> That reminds me, there's a deaf person in one of my classes, and she has a personal sign-language person.
<Fenril> And it's really freaking distracting.
<Satan> Now there's a job I wouldn't mind having.
<Cact> I don't have a beef with the deaf, it's just that they freak me out with their moans and grunts sometimes.
<Fenril> I don't either, but it's hard to learn with a person standing 3 feet from you and looking like she's having a sock-puppet fight with herself.

#606476 +(361)- [X]

<richie> its ironic how a flow of blood to the lower regions is only pleasureable to the man

#610712 +(849)- [X]

<Phatt_One> crap is disgusting
<syntax> hey dont bad mouth crap
<syntax> im a plumber
<syntax> if it werent for crap, i wouldnt be able to feed my family

#687603 +(797)- [X]

<ad_man> ya so me and mitch were sittin in english
<ad_man> and we always had a habit of writing dumb stuff in each other's books
<ad_man> so he writes in my book "adam is a fagget"
<ad_man> what we didn't know was that the teacher was standing behind us
<ad_man> so she says
<ad_man> "it's spelled -ot", and just walked on

#756534 +(1108)- [X]

<AlexMax> holy hell
<AlexMax> i just spent 3 hours working on what's essentially the equivalent of "if then"
<bioXar|K0Li0> AlexMax, i kno i guy who had an exam. the question was "what is bravery?".
<bioXar|K0Li0> he had 4 hours for that exam
<bioXar|K0Li0> he sat 4 hours without writing anything
<bioXar|K0Li0> and in the last minute he wrote
<bioXar|K0Li0> "THIS IS BRAVERY"
<bioXar|K0Li0> and got an A
<bioXar|K0Li0> :)

#832183 +(577)- [X]

<Adolla> oh dear I ate too many broken gingerbread men
<Supel> not broken, alternatively configured, please
<Adolla> and the burned ones can't be given out they have to be eaten
<Supel> *alternatively carbonised
<Supel> *gingerbread people
<Supel> actually, ginger can be offensive
<Adolla> sorry, gingerbread people
<Supel> *funnyshapedrootspicepeople

#915822 +(587)- [X]

<derp>I'm pretty sure bash moderators just ctrl-f every quote for "penis, sex, masturbate, bash, nigger," and anything that doesn't generate a hit is rejected. They probably have an automated script, in fact.

#963025 +(291)- [X]

<mogh> I landed an in person interview
<sergey> where at?
<alexander> Hydraulic Press Inc.
<sergey> You've gotta crush the interview to work there
<sergey> very firm handshake is a plus as well
<kurn> dunno if I'd want to work there, I hear it's a high-pressure environment
<kurn> and opportunities for advancement are pretty flat          
<alexander> Getting the wrong manager there can be soul-crushing.     
<helena> but getting the right one can be powerfully uplifting          
<mogh> I think I could squeeze out a living

0.0762 21090 quotes approved; 961 quotes pending
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