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#1351 +(478)- [X]

<slyfox> lol
<slyfox> dude! I typed "lol" with my head!!!

#1750 +(865)- [X]

~ Deft I suck cock! msg me for price list
(Deft) uhm ignore that

#4768 +(324)- [X]

*** [ric] is now known as reign
*** reign is now known as [ric]
<[ric]> heh... mental note... try /whois instead of /nick next time

#6445 +(1659)- [X]

<gh5046> beep boop beep boop beep beep boop
<skrike> thats right r2 we're going to cloud city

#8799 +(37)- [X]

<Adrxelna> Besides, I can't go directly to sleep after playing a game. My heart beat goes WAY up when playing AO or AC or DAoC or EQ

#12299 +(1276)- [X]

<Chern> IM SO FUCKIN BORED!
* Reaper is now known as Reaper[HAVINGFUN]
* BongB is now known as Bong[NOTBORED]
* Chissy is now known as Chiss[FUNFUNFUN]
* brod is now known as brod[IMNOTBORED]
<Chern> FUCK!!!!!!

#14426 +(591)- [X]

<PrincessLeia2> yeah we wrote linux install directions for Unreal Tournament, and I made the cuteyist UT Tux image for it on my webpage!
<PrincessLeia2> ...
<PrincessLeia2> wow, i just managed to be totally geeky and very girly in the same sentance O_O

#15886 +(281)- [X]

HalfShadow> Oh yeah. Ever see something so bad you wanted to go into fetal position?
seventhcrow> spice world

#15956 +(887)- [X]

<mrm> i hate realplayer
<lummie> its good for cartoons
<mrm> yeah
<mrm> but it crawls deep into the anus of my computer
<mrm> and hides there eternally
<mrm> until i least expect it
<JtHM> your computer has an anus?!
<Fesh> realplayer installs it

#17873 +(406)- [X]

<Kerpal>the Cd-key is 56dsr67x
<vR|Sn00kie>Wont work....hmm
<kerpal>Hmm....it is x as in zebra
<vR|Sn00kie> you are stupid

#26640 +(35)- [X]

<fox1324> fucking hell
<fox1324> my mom dosent want me to get that backpack cause she thinks its gay
<neo123> what backpack?
<neo123> HOLY FUCK THAT BACKPACK IS GAY
<fox1324> im gonna get that backpack and then have sex with like 40 hot girls
<fox1324> and then it wont be gay
<neo123> but somehow you will still be
<fox1324> say that after ive had sex with 40 hot girls

#34056 +(309)- [X]

<aegis> Well, I come on AIM, and I say to Mike...
<aegis> "Guess what I had for dinner? THREE HELPINGS OF NAN! :D"
<aegis> Right after that I realized his ex-girlfriend's nickname was nan...

#36401 +(234)- [X]

<guest1101> techno...  I pity you..
<guest1101> I really do
<@Technogeek> Because I have the burden of intelligence?
<guest1101> NOT AT ALL
<guest1101> U ALWAYS SAY THAT SHIT
<@Boogaleeboo> "U"
<@Boogaleeboo> Good move

#40256 +(6)- [X]

<Hogan> hah some asswipe went to support to ask how to open iso files

#41803 +(331)- [X]

<Fozie> XIRWW.
<Fozie> XJEE.
* harm reports foz to dept of anti american activities
* Fozie reports harm to the zoo, ourangutang enclosure
<harm> i got owned yet again :(
<harm> ok this is it its razorblade time for me
* harm has quit IRC
* harm has joined #Proghouse
<harm> wtf goddamn mach3 protective bars
<Fozie> haha you suck at the suicide

#42325 +(80)- [X]

< avoozl> what port did i need again for dns
< avoozl> its not 'domain' is it?
< rigel> 53
< rigel> both udp and tcp
< avoozl> hm i have those
< avoozl> thats odd
< rigel> clippy says: "I see you need some network help! Would you like me to: * search the help files for 'dns setup', * open internet  explorer to msdn.microsoft.com"

#42684 +(179)- [X]

<cstine> my libido pretty much vanished after i gave up porn.
<cstine> not that it's a bad thing.
<cstine> i don't have to do as many sheets in the laundry now.
<cstine> or towels.

#42948 +(91)- [X]

<Gnetic> I searched for need for speed and I got this ===JJJJ==D~~~....what do i do with that???
<Gnetic> is that like a binary code or something ??
<Resi0> its a cock
<Resi0> jesus man, i wouldnt wanna be you when ure in the bath if you cant see that...

#45978 +(828)- [X]

<akamagikman> do u no a realy good server other then criten to get pc games
<snacky> all you have to do is
<snacky> /join #staff
<snacky> then say "give me the warez"
<snacky> just keep saying "give me the warez" and they'll know you're a serious customer
<akamagikman> ok im in
<akamagikman> now i just type give me the warez
<snacky> remember, be persistant
<snacky> yeah
-:- SignOff akamagikman: #Ragol (Killed (Tae|biking|quadsux (This isn't a     warez channel, you idiot)))

#46012 +(556)- [X]

<gas> games are getting too confusing now.  what ever happened to click and shoot.  now the key board doesn't have enough buttons to give command, have to use combos like ctrl + shift + right click + masturbate  = move forward.

#48344 +(830)- [X]

<Scott> My friend Anne just... gave me some offer
<Scott> Like... an odd, odd offer
<Scott> She offered to give me five dollars if I let her blow me.
<Luckett_X> GET YOUR COCK OUT AND THRUST IT AT HER

#49614 +(298)- [X]

<Dekkon> the meaning of life is as follows:
<Dekkon> "up up down down left right left right B A select start"

#75832 +(1094)- [X]

<+nexx> im thinking of quitting university to spend my life reading every quote on bash.org, quote this on bash so when im 30 ill read this and remember where my life went wrong.

#76375 +(149)- [X]

<@prozac420> Things Not to Say During Sex: I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!

#81885 +(31)- [X]

<[c4]> linux owns all
<[c4]> i need xp cdkey...lol
<seph429> HYPICRITE

#86099 +(457)- [X]

<Arrgh> great.. now he's trying to vomit in my shoe
* [TMBJ]Rhadamanthus happydances
<Arrgh> he called it a "vomit capture device"
<[TMBJ]Rhadamanthus> Throw something at him
<Arrgh> like what? my shoe?!
<Arrgh> HE ALREADY HAS IT

#98871 +(499)- [X]

<Teeks> Katsmall: Ah. Well, there are similar differences between Norwegian and English.
<Katsmall> Where's Norway?
<Teeks> It's the capital of Canada.
<Teeks> Land of four A's.
<Katsmall> Is that so?
<Katsmall> Which four A's?
<Teeks> The ones in the name ... count them ... O_o ... OH MY GOD! SWEET JESUS! THE LIES!!

#103489 +(181)- [X]

<Catmando> hmm.. apparently friendster requires friends
<Jemte> yea that sucks
<fdog> LOL
Topic (#clemson): changed by fdog: <Catmando> hmm.. apparently friendster requires friends

#104696 +(93)- [X]

<Mystic_Fibrosis> wouldn't be ironic if my worth as a person was determined by my connection quality?
<nosmo> you are unreliable and frequently die
<nosmo> but quite fast
<nosmo> me however :D Fast, I can keep going for 8 days (so far) can get huge amounts done in seconds :D

#126130 +(315)- [X]

<Calren> CPU Usage: 102% score
<+Olanis> Is that possible?
<Calren> I'm throwing all my resources into running everything at top speed, lol
<+Andross> um, how do you do that
<Sterri> lovely, you trying to warm the room up?
<Calren> Andross: chant very, very hard
<Calren> and currently I'm trying to toast a poptart
<Sterri> on the cpu, right?
<Calren> it's sitting behind the fan

#126275 +(1194)- [X]

<EVILteddy> a couple of morman missionarys came to my door this morning
<EVILteddy> hehehe\
<Bakaneko-kun> whatd you do?
<EVILteddy> mum had a cows heart out for the cats dinner
<EVILteddy> i took it to the door and took a huge bite of it
<Bakaneko-kun> really?
<EVILteddy> yep
<EVILteddy> it tasted horrible
<EVILteddy> it was raw and bloody
<EVILteddy> they called me a heritec and ran soooo fast^_^
<EVILteddy> i was pissing my self laughing all day it was like the best thing ive ever done to a morman

#136805 +(497)- [X]

[BoardMasta] you hate how sean runs stuff because he has no idea what he is doing
[Areoaelw] seans not the brightest cake on the candle :(

#162475 +(353)- [X]

<kurai> lol this is the best warning ever looklook:
<kurai> This is your brain -> O
<kurai> This is your brain on drugs -> o
<kurai> This is your butthole -> o
<kurai> This is your butthole in prison -> O

#175675 +(1130)- [X]

<nirgleNap> lol, i just put on Najma as i'm sitting here wiring up a circuit board
<nirgleNap> i realized how "odd" this might look.. having arab music playing as i'm soldering red and green wires to a board full of ICs

#178825 +(523)- [X]

<froody> yeah but if you had a mac it would be like "Rip. Mix. Burn"(TM)
<Rafterman> heh
<Rafterman> if you had linux it'd be "rip, crash, download, tar, make, make install, curse, hack, make, rip, mix, crash, download, etc, etc..."
<Rafterman> but it'd be free!

#213425 +(1322)- [X]

<Ded`work> "Roses are red, violets are blue, all of my base, are belong to you"...heh, cute
<Ded`work> a geek valetine poem
<Arcturus> Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF
<phillys> rofl

#215239 +(208)- [X]

<Loki> A mammal that lays eggs, is the ultimate breakfast dish.

#245695 +(436)- [X]

<Disciple> my bowels are at a state of civil unrest
<Disciple> ugh... looks like the rebels are winning
<Disciple> gotta go, bbiab

#290466 +(2733)- [X]

<raven> Any cat people here? I've got a problem with Nicky...
<Leth> I've been known to be handy with a wok
<Lore> Why, I'm a cat person.
<raven> I took Morgan to the vet yesterday - he was gone for a total of 45 minutes, got two vaccs and a blood draw.
<raven> Brought him home and Nicky went BALLISTIC.
<raven> Spent the rest of the night yowling and hissing and attacking MOrgan.
<CrazyClimber> nicky smells the hospital smells on morgan
<Lore> Yeah, I've seen that happen.
<raven> Is there anything I can do to get the hospital stink off him, then? Pack his carrier in coffe grounds or something?
<tieboy> how about a bath
<CrazyClimber> just give it a day or so
<Lore> We tried catnip and butter, and neither worked.
<agent_orange> butter?
<agent_orange> you buttered your cat?
<Lore> Yes.
<raven> it's the best way to butter the house.
<raven> Cats are effective butter delivery units.
<Lore> We read somewhere to put butter on a cat's forehead.
<agent_orange> did the emolient facilitate insertion?
<Lore> And the other cat licks it off, and likes the first cat, because it tastes like butter.
<Lore> As I said, it didn't work.
<agent_orange> you read sopmewhere to put butter on the cats foreWHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING
<tieboy> rub the two cats together vigorously until they smell like each other
<agent_orange> piss on them both at the same time
<tieboy> KITTY TASTES LIKE BUTTER
<raven> It's more fun to put tape on their feet.
<agent_orange> why not do both
<agent_orange> and then get out the handycam
<Lore> I believe what I was thinking was "Maybe it will work. And even if it doesn't, I get to butter the cat's forehead."
<agent_orange> AFHV would *love* some footage of sticky-pawed, freshly buttered cats trying in vain to avoid a stream of steaming miller lite
<Samwise> You know what helps with feuding cats, Lore? Sending me lots of cash.
<agent_orange> now, see, I read somewhere --
<agent_orange> I think it was leviticus
<agent_orange> -- that what you should do is frost them
<agent_orange> betty crocker, right out of the can
<raven> Chocolate or buttercream?
<Leth> rave: go chocolate, buttercreme isn't pareve
<CrazyClimber> you're frosting meat?
<agent_orange> and then there'a always Cat Wellington
<agent_orange> "What are you doing in the kitchen, dear?" "Just buttering the cat, pumpkin!"
<agent_orange> "Why don't you baste the chicken while you're at it, too, dear?" "Baste the ... *light bulb* ...Sure! Sure, I'll 'baste the chicken'!"
<CrazyClimber> a google images search for "buttered cat" returns a picture of isaac hayes
<agent_orange> chocolate salty cat balls

#315042 +(3394)- [X]

<sexor> I went shopping last night at like 1am. the place was empty, and this old woman, just making polite convertation, said to me: "where is everyone??".
<sexor> I replied: "In bed, same place you and I should be!"
<sexor> Took me ten minutes to figure out why she gave me a dirty look

#393451 +(441)- [X]

* elisteran subscribes seriumu to spamlists
<elisteran> would you rather get nigerian 419 scams, or hawt lesbian pr0n ?
<Pavel> elisteran: As if the two were mutually exclusive.
<elisteran> Dear Mr. Smith, my name is Motoba Kwambe, and I am legal counsel representing the family of the late Prime Minister of Nigeria, Bouncy Bubbles. Her nude coed widow has the opportunity to retrieve $15 million stashed away in a bank account, but needs a US citizen to ...
<Pavel> elisteran: That works.

#395834 +(237)- [X]

<Syzygy> My cock needed some fresh air
Vlad OH
Vlad that reminds me....
Vlad brb

#416976 +(449)- [X]

DarkNeo: Pedophilia is like golf,
DarkNeo: you hit for the lowest you can
DarkNeo: It's all good till it gets to 18,
DarkNeo: then the fun stops.

#420391 +(1662)- [X]

<Cyb> heh this guy I knew in high school forgot to write an english paper until like the day before it was due and it was supposed to be a work of fiction a couple pages long
<Cyb> so he wrote down the half-life sp story
<Cyb> and stretched it out as much as he could
<Cyb> and got an A

#511661 +(1480)- [X]

<HC-Marine> yeah one time this windows & doors company called
<HC-Marine> and my dad answered it
<HC-Marine> they asked if he wanted to have his windows and doors replaced
<HC-Marine> he responded with "I don't have any"
<HC-Marine> they were so confused

#688227 +(783)- [X]

<Dro0> i dont wanna be alarmist here
<Dro0> but i'm prety sure that the guy trying to configure the core router in chicago
<Dro0> is googling "subnetting"

#698150 +(580)- [X]

<Dave> Well. I'mma go shower and then go pick up my friend from jail.
<Dave> I'll be back later.
<Shadowpillar> ask him how big his anus is
<Dave> He's a big dude, no one's going to fuck with him.
<Shadowpillar> ask him how many other people he's cornholed
<Shadowpillar> lol
<Dave> He's been in jail for roughly 5 hours.
<Dave> And he has a girlfriend.
<Dave> I'm betting on a grand total of six.

#701542 +(1819)- [X]

<Jarik_Tentsu> Gah, I just snorted while laughing.
<Jarik_Tentsu> And I have a cold.
<Jarik_Tentsu> Urgh, this is disgusting.
<Jarik_Tentsu> Luckily, it missed my girlfriend - they're hard to clean.
<Jarik_Tentsu> err...
<Jarik_Tentsu> *girlfriend = keyboard.
<Jarik_Tentsu> O_O

#774628 +(350)- [X]

<R_M> being drunk is kinda like having a really low framerate

#948110 +(2035)- [X]

<Matt> A catholic priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar.
<Matt> He orders a beer.

0.0732 21096 quotes approved; 1763 quotes pending
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