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#791 +(895)- [X]

(McMoo) i got in a car accident and i'm fine
(McMoo) except for that third nipple that the doctors thought would be funny to include in my skin graft

#1632 +(345)- [X]

<perdida> should I go make porn for loan-payment cash? if so which aspect of porn would have the best pay/disgusting stuff ratio?

#2119 +(296)- [X]

<krayons> 95% of the girls at rutgers university in new jersey
<krayons> have stds
<killspree> haha
<killspree> no way
<kara> bullshit man
<killspree> no wonder their basketball and football teams suck so bad
<krayons> its not bullshit
<VeRrUcKt> lol
<killspree> the players are running around in pain

#2402 +(334)- [X]

<intra> I want to propose to my wife with a giant foam #1 finger instead of a ring.

#6889 +(179)- [X]

<_Tenchi_> jwzrd-: are you a pole smoker too ?
<jwzrd-> _Tenchi_: why, you want your pole smoked ?

#7513 +(291)- [X]

<eth0_tulip> once, i stabbed a guy in LA, for not closing both eyes at the same time when he blinked

#10186 +(271)- [X]

]-eX-[Mad^AfK is x0z@prefers.linux.and.never.uses.progs.from.m-i-c-r-o-s-0-f-t.de * nfwuor
[]-eX-[Mad^AfK VERSION reply]: mIRC32 v6.0 + dEfCoN oNe v0.74.65 by Ecronika

#13077 +(1477)- [X]

corner (19:08:21): how tall is a standard guillotine?
Andrick (19:08:33): This still concerns you?
corner (19:08:39): yeah, I really want to build one
corner (19:08:47): I have short ceilings
corner (19:08:51): I wanna make sure I can keep it in my apt
Andrick (19:09:00): I have to admit that I never have committed that number to memory.
Andrick (19:09:06): But I can tell you they are *tall*.
corner (19:09:15): maybe I can make a kid's version?
Andrick (19:09:30): That is probably a wonderfully poor choice of words.

#13370 +(492)- [X]

<HuStLe> Today I was was flirting with this hot girl in the halls after school but once again my computer screwed me over
<Netminder> How so?
<HuStLe> Well I was gettin far with her, then she me a secret about her and her ex, I went to laugh, but guess what came out.
<HuStLe> Me - "Laugh out Loud", I actually said laugh out loud. :(

#15177 +(127)- [X]

[Mills] these new headphones of mie with a lead nearly got me in the shit last night, was watching some porn at about 3 am at pretty high volume and I got up and walked away, the speaker crashed down on the floor but thankfully the headphone jack didnt come out :)

#15434 +(369)- [X]

<juji> but i'd have to learn japanese to play half of its games :)
<z2-Fool> you don't speak japanese?
<z2-Fool> and you're a slope?
<z2-Fool> :)
<juji> :(
<juji> i'd cry
<juji> but i cant fit tears through my chinky eyeslits

#16814 +(42)- [X]

<Freakazoid> its like putting hotdog skins over dog turds

#27791 +(477)- [X]

<Raenne>  Damnit, my cookies are only half baked
<Tungee>  Smoke em up a bit more then
<Futility>  Heh heh heh... half baked.
<Raenne>  I stuck em back in the oven :)
<Tungee>  Mazi
<Tungee>  Nazi
<Raenne>  ...
<Raenne>  They are COOKIES, not PEOPLE
<Raenne>  chocolate chip :)
<Tungee>  The nazi's didn't believe the Jews were people either

#33960 +(289)- [X]

<FooMashoo> i wear my pants backwards
<Bryan> is that so the zipper is easier for your lover?
<FooMashoo> yes

#34174 +(356)- [X]

<latyrx> a christian friend called me tonight, but im ok now

#36130 +(545)- [X]

<IdKS> brb
<IdKS> omg.,.....i;m too lazy to get up

#36392 +(126)- [X]

<Lestat> @find africa
<Ganner> @find nigeria
<Lestat> @find cuban missile crisis
<Lestat> @find fisherman tim
<brolli_420> @find SHUT THE FUCK UP

#37645 +(322)- [X]

<drdink> drwiii: pipe it, assmonkey.
<drwiii> |

#38597 +(796)- [X]

<JtotheD> do you even know what mecca is
<Loopy1> yea
<Loopy1> a robot that people fight in

#42056 +(381)- [X]

*** ROFOL is now known as AOLROCKS
<AOLROCKS> What a surprise
<AOLROCKS> Not taken

#44073 +(325)- [X]

<Hurricane_Hasney> I'm just a pedophile really
<Hurricane_Hasney> I mean audiophile
<Hurricane_Hasney> Sheesh, talk about mis-type of the century :S

#50793 +(569)- [X]

<EdiblePig> hey i got a story for y'all.
<EdiblePig> At a forum I moderate, i'll keep it nameless to protect the stupid.
<EdiblePig> this freak posts, "I think the Harry Potter chick is hot, am I sick?" and, I give this guy a chance right? Fuck me for doing so.
<EdiblePig> i thought he thought she was pretty or sometjhign.
<EdiblePig> everyone replies, 'you are sick'
<EdiblePig> then, out of the blue, this guy says, "I want to have hot steming sex with her." I shut the fucking post down in a flash.
<EdiblePig> but i went and watched the chamber of secrets today, and the harry potter chick IS prretty.
*EdiblePig takes a sip of bourbon
<EdiblePig> fuck

#52022 +(337)- [X]

redpoint13: brb
MoRgAn4978: k
redpoint13: back
MoRgAn4978: that was fast
redpoint13: yea i pee in a bucket near my desk

#53763 +(124)- [X]

<+LagSucks> the other day i downloaded korean porn because i was curious as i've never seen it
<+LagSucks> and the men all had smaller members than i did
<+Zulehan> that's how it starts, lag.
<+LagSucks> i thought to myself, 'wow, that's a first'

#53978 +(195)- [X]

<Amish> women are psychotic
<Amish> cats are great pets for them though
<Xenopax> because they are cold and only want attention when you don't want to give it to them?
<Amish> that, and you get to kick them when they aren't looking

#56122 +(109)- [X]

<Comrade_90> any one have the new "best of nirvana" album?
<`2L> best of nirvana?
<`2L> whats that?
<`2L> 74 minutes of silence from just after when Kurt died?

#68807 +(221)- [X]

<^catalyst> we're a bunch of geeks, we collectively know everything.
<WhiteyFord> yeah.. some of us even know how to get laid
<Redback> im sure a large majority know how WhiteyFord
<Redback> its just some strugle with the prerequsites

#74674 +(154)- [X]

DukeMalisto: huh?
DukeMalisto: i've been/am watching black hawk down.
DukeMalisto: later
Lockee: timestamps would help]
Lockee: i said that like 2 hours ago ;P
Lockee: but, hey, i assumed you were there, my bad
Lockee: damn, leaving already?  nobody to talk to here but me and my dick
Lockee: and we aint on speakin' terms since the mason jar incident....

#81865 +(51)- [X]

<tbsp> u can run fdisk under windows? eewww
<tbsp> that just seems wrong...like beastiality

#85466 +(297)- [X]

<@crispexi> hah i think i went sober for a second there
<@crispexi> that was weird

#85967 +(266)- [X]

<Dave2|Laptop> http://b3ta.com/man-milk-or-moo-milk/
<Dave2|Laptop>  <-- That is disgusting.
<GroovyPigThang> !addquote <Dave2|Laptop>  <-- That is disgusting.

#99835 +(25691)- [X]

<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks?
<TheXPhial> vaccuums
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
<TheXPhial> black holes
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
<TheXPhial> lava?

#108630 +(259)- [X]

Aegis> bah
<Aegis> I'm out of pop
<Aegis> and I don't have enough sugar to make koolaid
<Aegis> sec, I'm gonna go melt some freezies into a glass
<Mazrim> store run?
<ameh> lol
<Aegis> Maz: Not while male ingeunity can still prevail

#114358 +(488)- [X]

(maddox@) I just thought of a joke, I don't know if someone has already made this up, but here it goes: What actor would Christopher Reeve be if he could trade places with anyone? Christopher Walken

#138458 +(29)- [X]

<FFk> he had a stroke
<FFk> and only half of his face works
<FFk> isnt that wicked?
<FFk> kinda like twoface from batman :D

#173862 +(534)- [X]

|cmf> using semantics to mask the problems of our world is only putting a bandaid on a bullet wound
|pedXing> yeah
|pedXing> but
|pedXing> it's a fuzzy bandaid, with cartoon characters on it.
|pedXing> which is really better than nothing.
|cmf> it sure is

#188572 +(5405)- [X]

<TRON> if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN

#202629 +(295)- [X]

<Kemikal> ImMzee: I think I am haveing a heart attack
<Kemikal> ImMzee: hands are numb legs are numb eyes are blurry and heart is raceing
<Kemikal> Kemikal: nah, jess your left arm goes numb when its a heart attack
<Kemikal> Kemikal: your having a stroke
<Kemikal> havent gotten a response from him in 30min now...
<Kemikal> wonder if I should call someone
<DiLATED> lol

#209198 +(949)- [X]

<frubsen> NEVER tell a girl that your dad just died so she feel sorry for you and go out with you
<frubsen> cause when she comes to your door and your dad answers
<frubsen> you got some major problems
<frubsen> FUCK i'm screwed

#220997 +(1118)- [X]

<ISO_Girl> i need to trim my hair
<Anarchy_Creator> meh short hair on a woman = no
<Anarchy_Creator> i think shoulder length is good
<ISO_Girl> wrong hair buddy
<Anarchy_Creator> ...

#342068 +(1134)- [X]

<patteam717> If Neo got into a fight with Aragorn, Neo would win hands down
<kissmeimtoxic> that may be true but if Agent Smith got into a fight with Elrond that would just be dumb

#348450 +(2857)- [X]

OnlineHost:  Sheila41428 has entered the room.
d00d903:     hi there sheila! 17/m/tx wanna cyber?
Sheila41428: sure
d00d903:     asl
Sheila41428: 48/f/tx
d00d903:     the hell? mom?
Sheila41428: OH JESUS FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!
OnlineHost:  Sheila41328 has left the room.

#474559 +(1755)- [X]

<Spazz`> I know that I'm supposed to respect my neighbors' culture because they're hispanic, but I wish that wifebeating was a little quieter.

#574759 +(493)- [X]

<ChernoBog> i will ring for no money, and i know how to speak English, Macedonian, Serbian, Croatian, Bosnian and Bulgarian... understand some of russian too....
<Dashiva> and you haven't ethnically cleansed yourself yet?

#578715 +(388)- [X]

[Yaksha] We call this kids' mom 'Mapquest'
[norris] why's that?
[Yaksha] She has multicolored veins visible all over her body, looks like downtown Phoenix.

#656771 +(804)- [X]

<S_Sprite> oh god
<S_Sprite> all I can hear
<S_Sprite> right now
<S_Sprite> is the squeeking of my housemates mattress
<S_Sprite> well they'll be sorry when my hard studying has got me a PhD in classical studies and all they'll have is MDs from some top-rated med school
<S_Sprite> fuck

#709974 +(1478)- [X]

kooooorlin: dude I fucking backed up into this car today!
lhendz: what the hell. how'd you do that?
kooooorlin: There was this fucking seagull in the parking lot at best buy like eating someones tire and I was watching it while backing up.
lhendz: what'd you do?
kooooorlin: waited for the person to come back, and when they did, they looked at their car, then at mine, and said "SOMEONE HIT OUR CARS!"

#830989 +(1010)- [X]

babygrl168572: oh so ur kalling me ignent i see
MeatCutterDrummer: I don't think I need to after that statement

#835413 +(2037)- [X]

<kuiper> My mom got me a toilet brush for Christmas.
<sic> lmao
<sic> have you been using it?
<kuiper> Well, yeah, but it hasn't been working too well.  In fact, I think I may just go back to using paper.

#925768 +(1031)- [X]

<M3rlin-> what is the legal age to buy alcoholic in england ?
<p5Ds13a06> you can't buy alcoholics
<p5Ds13a06> but if you wink the right way, some of them will follow you home for free

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