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#239 +(1132)- [X]

<Amanda`> I just went out to the parking lot in my bathrobe to exchange warez CDs.

#864 +(524)- [X]

<KidHype> i have pole position emulated in my pants
<KidHype> it asks my wife to prepare to qualify
<TonyD> how unusual

#936 +(194)- [X]

(Guilty) I like my women the way I like my tomatos, big round buldging and red

#1324 +(99)- [X]

<[cut]> fuckin russians made my ftp server crash last night. somebody from 212.46.194.123 -> ip-583.dialup.cl.spb.ru
<hypr> hahhahwhaw
<[cut]> what the fuck
<[cut]> somebody from romainia tried to steal my leapFTP bookmark file
<[cut]> (005570) 6/3/2001 12:04:28 AM - 56k (217.13.97.62) > asked to change directory : 'C:ftpmp3 -> C:ftpmp3C:PROGRAM FILESLEAPFTP' --> Access denied (No Such Directory).
<[cut]> Resolved 217.13.97.62 to mflorin.soft.forte.ro
<hypr> hahahahahaha
<SysError> cut the foreigners want war with you
<[cut]> i added to my welcome message.. IF ALL OFF YOU EUROPEAN/ASIAN FOREIGN FUCKS KEEP TRYING TO "HACK" ME. THE SERVER WILL GO PRIVATE.

#2728 +(271)- [X]

<neutrl> i don't have any tables
<mAimZ> da wheels 'o steel...
<mAimZ> you should get some... And get all your favorite tunes on LP... It's more fun than 4 hookers and a jimmy hat!
<hypr> i highly doubt that

#3752 +(220)- [X]

<ChewToy> hrm... my girlfriend should be getting off work soon
<ChewToy> i should get really really stoned before she gets here
<spazzer> actually
<spazzer> chew
<spazzer> i got off your girlfriend this afternoon first
<ChewToy> spazzer she's fucking hot :)
<ChewToy> she puts out!
<spazzer> hence, i said i got off of her first
<ChewToy> she sucks good dick doesnt she?
<spazzer> i was getting close, and she told me to put my finger in her ass
<ChewToy> she's a manager at a victorias secret
<ChewToy> :>
* KNG_SNK wonders how chew scored that
<dazemobil> he ordered her in the catalog =o

#4659 +(222)- [X]

<Kyle|> im making a SHELL for WINDOWS that LOOKS and FEELS like the REAL STANDALONE OS THAT WILL BE DONE NOT SOON!
<Urganite> what you mean to tell me
<Urganite> is that you're going to create a windows program
<Urganite> that just looks like what you want your OS to be?
<Urganite> ...
<Urganite> that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life
<Peasant> Someone should make a DHTML OS
<Kyle|> peasant: dont give me ideas

#5259 +(7218)- [X]

<reuben> somebody keeps jiggling the doorknob on my front door, then running away
<reuben> i don't know if i should call the police, or hook up some electricity to the doorknob
<cristobal> why don't you put ice on the stairs
<cristobal> and heat up the door knob
<cristobal> and swing paint buckets down from your two story foyer
<cristobal> then a few years later, fade from the public eye.....

#5763 +(738)- [X]

<Urganite> THERE ARE NO BAGELS BUT ONION, AND MOHAMMED IS HIS PROPHET
<Urganite> ...
<OneiWilly> you are worshipping a false bagel

#6945 +(299)- [X]

<skynxnex> let's call it "Glasnosat's and Skynxnex's Rockingly good Web Broswer with a Cool name"
<skynxnex> or Gasrgwbwacn for short.

#8135 +(975)- [X]

<Starlet> <--- law student. future lawyer.
<Jerub> <-- computer programmer. future defendant.

#11393 +(455)- [X]

<Dark_Brood> Next thing Mac will do is introduce the 1 button keyboard, you type by morsing the ASCII codes of the letter you want to write

#14205 +(1246)- [X]

<hoche> heredocs, theredocs, everwhereadocsdocs
<geo> old macdonald had a server farm
<geo> He eyed the I/O

#14581 +(681)- [X]

<@crystalis> I wish I had a vagina
<@crystalis> I'd keep stuff in it
<@crystalis> like car keys and stuff

#15428 +(117)- [X]

<cosyc> i dont drunk much either

#21167 +(15)- [X]

[ +vampyriclust ] what is it about vanilla coke that makes me piss like a bitch with a urine fetish?

#34657 +(119)- [X]

<DrNick668> i'd have a bad attitude too if someone put somethin big and round in my mouth and stretched it

#37648 +(419)- [X]

Tre Moi: OMFG I JUST POURED ICEWATER DOWN MY PANTIES
WaCKo3629: ......
WaCKo3629: I don't see how you could accidentally do that.
WaCKo3629: Or not realize what would happen.

#41614 +(67)- [X]

<MrMortisland> I know emo
<MrMortisland> Emo is little boys crying on stage because their daddy touched their pee pee

#42204 +(168)- [X]

<@sequence> linux has its place
<@sequence> if nothing else, it keeps the morons out of *BSD
[S+Z] CTCP VERSION reply from sequence: ircII EPIC4-0.9.2-ssl Linux 2.2.16-3 - Accept no limitations.

#42643 +(489)- [X]

*** WFTP-Stats has entered[#PHPHELP] at [4:38pm] [12 Users]
<WFTP-Stats> sux my dick
*** WFTP-Stats has left [#PHPHELP] at [4:38pm] [11 Users]
*** WFTP-Stats has entered [#PHPHELP] at [4:38pm] [12 Users]
<WFTP-Stats> losers
*** WFTP-Stats has left [#PHPHELP] at [4:38pm] [11 Users]
<Loman> weeeee
*** WFTP-Stats has entered [#PHPHELP] at [4:38pm] [12 Users]
<WFTP-Stats> lazy bastards
*** WFTP-Stats has left [#PHPHELP] at [4:38pm] [11 Users]
*** WFTP-Stats has entered [#PHPHELP] at [4:38pm] [12 Users]
<WFTP-Stats> alright im sorry
<WFTP-Stats> help me with my php now plz

#42678 +(360)- [X]

<danhon> overheard in the lab:
<danhon> "try doing javac first before you do java"
<Cringer> hahaha
<danhon> "what does that do?"
<danhon> "dunno, but it works"

#47145 +(223)- [X]

<BloodFromStone> XP probably has a button that summons local monkeys to brutalize my isp.
<[Sl]Ashy> no, bfs
<[Sl]Ashy> I'm afraid that first the monkeys duct tape you to a chair and taunt you, then proceed to take off your clothing, take pictures for later blackmail, and -then- rip your ISP's server to shreds.
<BloodFromStone> o_o
<BloodFromStone> XP is dangerous.
<[Sl]Ashy> Yes.
<Iepetus> yeah
<[Sl]Ashy> Handle with care.
<Iepetus> monkeys seem cute and all
<Iepetus> but when that happens... it's no fun
<Iepetus> ...
<Iepetus> or so I hear

#48582 +(144)- [X]

<BenZor> I once kissed a guy for $20, but he wouldn't take $50 for a handjob :/

#52651 +(568)- [X]

(@`H4X0R`) Rape is such a negative term, I think we should call it "suprise sex"]

#54588 +(509)- [X]

<BalkanEmperorGlaug> Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask  you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
<Schroe[Sleepies]> On my first flight ever, the captain came on over the intercom -
<Schroe[Sleepies]> "We aren't really a flight crew ... but we did stay at a Holiday Inn Express!"
<mike> :P
<mike> i wanna be a pilot
<mike> then i can come over the intercom, "What's this button do...OH FUCKING SHIT!!"
<mike> then after panic ensues, "Just kidding!"
<Glaug-Eldare> "The weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive."
<Glaug-Eldare> Then you can get fired!
<Glaug-Eldare> =D
<mike> then i can get a job that's on the ground!
<Glaug-Eldare> And throw wrenches at planes' windows while they're taking off?
<mike> i was thinking more along the lines of programming

#58098 +(379)- [X]

<Kersus> we have to exchange presents at work. we had a $20 limit. So naturally
  I bought 20 dollars worth of kool-aid

#58963 +(145)- [X]

(XengeL|MakingAnimeVideos): omfg
(XengeL|MakingAnimeVideos): whose good with windows paint program?
(nemesis): omfg
(nemesis): who isnt?

#62237 +(170)- [X]

<JohnWWells> Evening.
* JohnWWells Quit (Quit: Leaving)
<Nematocyst> it's not the EVENING
<Nematocyst> 19:29:09
<Nematocyst> ...
<Nematocyst> FUCK

#62435 +(374)- [X]

@<Yeshua> am I the only one who thinks the black-haired girl in t.a.t.u is EXTREMELY hot?
@<Echo5ive> Yeshua: I second that erection.
@<Echo5ive> eh, I mean emotion.

#74488 +(127)- [X]

( +la_haine ) some bloke just turned up at my office saying he was here for an interview with the BBC
( mademoiselle ) wtf
( +la_haine ) that's what I said
( _seb_ ) do you work at the bbc?
( +la_haine ) well, no
( +la_haine ) hence my confusion
( mademoiselle ) it would have been even funnier if you were in taiwan
( _seb_ ) ah then i can see how you would be confused
( +seraph ) ROFL
( +la_haine ) it's like 'sorry, I think you're in the wrong city'
( mademoiselle ) hehe
( +la_haine ) 'there's no BBC here'
( +la_haine ) 'you want London - about 2 hours that way'

#81020 +(237)- [X]

<xShaitanx> does anyone have yahoo msgner cause this chick is dpoing something with dildos u wana see
<cvz> she using them to make a cake ?

#81295 +(378)- [X]

<mefod> anyone ever watch tv...
<mefod> then after 5 minutes or so you think to yourself
<mefod> "omg i better move the mouse, or the screensaver will come on"
<mefod> but then you remember its a tv

#105773 +(601)- [X]

<Kennef> what was quetzequatl the patron god of?
<tarvuz> umm
<Wintermute> consonants?

#106869 +(29)- [X]

<Jeian> SeCuRe: who would you rather fuck? Marilyn Manson or the Hanson lead singer? ;]
<SeCuRe> Jeain good god I would take Manson anyday lol
<SeCuRe> he has tits!
<SeCuRe> He does! and hason are all flat chested..
<SeCuRe> at least manson will let me rub them

#136514 +(1071)- [X]

<fry> i remember the first time i had a boner i thought it was cacner or something
<fry> because i used to be smart and shit and i learned in class that tumers were "uncontrolled growths"
<Raven> Then you found the internet. And now you can't even spell cancer. Or tumors.
<fry> ...
<fry> :(

#155520 +(421)- [X]

<bonch> You should write some Full House fan fiction
<Nastard> "...but little did Uncle Jesse expect to find Joey standing alone in his room, surrounded by candles, pleasuring himself.  He stood aghast for a moment, watching the tears stream from Joey's closed eyes.  The soft music started to get to him, and he found his hand rubbing against the crotch of his pants, bringing 'little Elvis' alive for a rousing crescendo of his own..."

#213946 +(507)- [X]

<nomad> im getting supermassive black holes
<nomad> woohooooooooooooo!
<nutkase> i saw a porn with that title
<nomad> yeah right
<nutkase> but i think it might have been submissive black hoes

#222940 +(886)- [X]

<+Ralan> atkins works not because its a good diet, because people who are on it burn so much energy because they can't shut the fuck up about being on atkins

#236399 +(754)- [X]

* Lembas found an awesome headline in today's paper.
<Lembas> Violence in Israel.
* Bonzai fails to see the awesomeness, that's like "Snow in Siberia"
<Bruce_MacCulloch> or "Idiots in Washington"

#243279 +(320)- [X]

<Hamhocks> if taking a huge shit is anything like playing chess, consider me the next gary kasparov
<WallOfInsanity> then I shall be deep blue and defeat you with my efficient machine-like bowel movements.

#381649 +(696)- [X]

N47H4N:I just made an awsome discovery!!!!!!! When you mix Blue and Yellow you get a entirely new color! I will call it Blellow!

#447596 +(743)- [X]

<@topsoil> The College Jeopardy winner wagered $1,337 in Final Jeopardy... seems more like the geek hero to me :)
<@topsoil> I was hoping he'd come back and lose and then Alex would be like, "Sorry to say this...but you wagered $1337 and lost, which now means, *holds up sign* 'j00 4r3 n0t 1337.'"
<@topsoil> Either that or Alex would just look at him and say, "pwn3d".

#458650 +(1279)- [X]

<@drwiii> so ecbc and I go to gamestop to get Mario 64 DS.
<@drwiii> and i bring my DS along.
<@drwiii> then we go to this chinese restaurant.
<@drwiii> and as ecbc's coming back from the restroom, he's like "dude did that
          kid steal your gameboy?"
<@drwiii> there was some kid at another table fucking around with PictoChat on
          his own DS
<@drwiii> so i changed the nickname on mine, found the room he was in, and
          scribbled "What you just ate wasn't chicken." and sent it
<@drwiii> and like 10 seconds later i hear over my shoulder "EWWWW!"
<@drwiii> apparently he showed it to his mom
<@drwiii> i powered mine down and kept on eating.
<@drwiii> that was the best thing EVER.

#638354 +(249)- [X]

<rankor> At work today i saw a guy go in to the bathroom only to come out 10 minutes later looking like he had battled with a lion.
<rankor> Now he had either had something bad for lunch or just hade one of the worlds longest "handshaking" sessions.
<ToonLord> Maybe both...

#874353 +(2958)- [X]

yetiamchosen: So the only part about this curse of recruiting potentials for the marine corps that isn't utterly miserable is fucking with the people that have already signed up. Now, we don't want to scare them off entirely, so we can't just sit there and be like, "You're going to die in bootcamp!" But we can be completely insane with each other in front of them, and let them draw that conclusion on their own. So we're told to take the poolees on a 1.5 mile run today. No staff nco's there, so we're like, "Fuckit. There's two recruits, there's eight of us ... four mile run." So we start running and I had just had a monster energy drink, the lo ball kind, which is red. That's a dumbass's recipe for disaster, but I really wanted one so I had one anyway. It dehydrates you, gives you cramps, and makes you puke. So we've been running like half a mile and without breaking pace I casually puke onto the side of the road, and keep running. Among marines this is normal behavior, so no one even says anything, but the recuruit is looking like, "Wtf, did that guy just puke without stopping?"
geekryan: lol
yetiamchosen: And he's like, "Dude! Are you alright!" I'm like, "KEEP RUNNING!" and I speed up a little bit, chuckling inside. And then it really hits me and I'm like, going full speed, just hurling all over the side of the road, wiping my mouth, running, hurling and he looks at the puke and he goes, "OH MY GOD ARE YOU PUKING BLOOD!"
geekryan: HAHAHAHA
yetiamchosen: And I go, "THAT'S NOT BLOOD IT'S CONFIDENCE AAAAGGGHHHHH!!!" And I just blast off like a little red streaming rocket ship. I look behind me and this kid seriously look like he's just about to piss his pants, like, "Oh my god, what the fuck have I gotten myself into?" I got up to the front and this marine looks at me and goes, "Were you really puking up blood?" I'm like, "No devil, it's monster," and he just laughs, he's like, "You're going to hell."
yetiamchosen: That's it. I was chuckling inside all the way home.
geekryan: that really is awesome
geekryan: I can't imagine how freaked out that recruit was
yetiamchosen: I hope he doesn't sleep well again until he gets to boot camp.

#880256 +(926)- [X]

<johno> yeh not alot just finished cleaning and doin laundry.
<jess> hahaha ok
<johno> yuh
<johno> theres no women around for me to yell at them to do it so i have to be the last resort
<johno> i yell at myself to do it
<johno> hit myself around the room
<johno> then start sobbing as i mop the floor with my bloodied hair
<jess> wtf seriously who the fuck are you
<jess> thats fucked up who says that shit
<johno> yeah good point the blood WOULD make the floor worse.
<johno> thanks.
quit: johno (teaching that bitch how to clean properly)

#905679 +(778)- [X]

themuffinman217: so what are the specs on your new system?
themuffinman217: did you benchmarck it?
Treeko: 16khz processor
Treeko: 7 bytes of ram
Treeko: 100 bits of harddrive space
Treeko: a 16x16 monochrome display
themuffinman217: qort36i16[okf[23
Treeko: and the audio can do beeps in both high pitch AND low pitch
themuffinman217: so... dell?

#947980 +(620)- [X]

<Brownie> That guy's such a nerd, his first words probably were "Hello World!"

#954159 +(231)- [X]

Blade: "it was extremely unusual and we really wanted to find out why this thing had - what we call - burst"
Blade: please explain this obscure phenomenon known as burst
Blade: to the laypeople like myself
Blade: i don't understand this parlance
Blade: technical jargon isn't my forte
Blade: scientific lingo baffles me

0.0649 21057 quotes approved; 2032 quotes pending
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