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#1335 +(50)- [X]

<lizx_:#916> i hsaid U becaude i am ficked up

#4319 +(314)- [X]

<orion> having eggo "pissed" at me was like having a rabid chihuahua yiping at you becuase you stepped on its oversized genitals
<Guilty> See you just complemented eggo again

#5971 +(450)- [X]

<Pseudonym> I got my mom addicted to GTA3 by accident ><

#7925 +(174)- [X]

<DarkWarrior> I know... I'm Mainly reffering to t3ch. I have nothing against him but i'm just saying thats what gives us *nix people a bad reputations
<t3ch> I dont try and do anything, If i'm going to spend the time doing it i'll do it right.
<t3ch> and two we alwasy had a bad rep. FreeBSD was created by a bunch of college kids on LSD. i dont think you can have a worse rep.

#8067 +(305)- [X]

<Embercide> i was doing 3 things at once, went to take the smoke out and it must have stuck to my lip and flipped up
<Embercide> i must have just closed my eye in time cause the eye itself isnt damaged
<Avatar> who'd've thought a cigarette could be so dangerous?
<Scourge> Not only do they cause numerous cancers and other lung problems but they can also burn your eyes.

#8283 +(435)- [X]

<Silent|Study> These Christian rock ads on tv are so pathetic
<Silent|Study> Its like they assume people are going to suddenly think "OMG! JESUS! I never knew!

#8526 +(921)- [X]

<helminthes> haikus are real gay
<helminthes> cause they put limitations
<helminthes> on syllables used

#10661 +(692)- [X]

<Spooky42 > was taking a bath with my son the other day.. and he said.. daddy why is my penis different than yours?.. and i said.. because yours isnt erect
<Ize > eew

#11339 +(1220)- [X]

(NOTE: The URLs were coloured out with IRC colours, or something ^_^)

<@Saiko> Hello #sqrxz my name is Claudia, I have 36D tits and I am very horny. You can read more about me HERE ----> ( http://goatse.cx http://goatse.cx ) and i also have some nude pictures of me! I also talk about when I had oral sex with my roomate. I'm only 17 and I'm very lonely, pls cum and chat with me!
<@Zinco> Who would be retarded enough to click on a link they could not see?
<Loco-san> HOLY CRAP WHAT IS THAT!!!!!!

#16999 +(220)- [X]

<lasthero> i own a lot of cds
<lasthero> and i own a kick ass stereo too
<lasthero> but don't own speackers, they cost so much

#17344 +(359)- [X]

<homeslice> <Arbo> I'm making a personal call to tell someone I'll be working through lunch, and I get fired for it.
<kitten> A PERSONAL CALL
<kitten> YOU MONSTER
<kitten> YOU SHOULD BE HANGED
<homeslice> He's going to hell now.
<homeslice> That's like the 14th commandment.
<homeslice> On the tablet that Moses broke.
<kitten> I think the 11th was "Thou Shalt Not Pay A Lot For A Muffler".

#18477 +(282)- [X]

* Zimbu finds Perl funny
<Zimbu> It's the only programming language that forces you to use as many emoticons as possible

#22225 +(116)- [X]

<MrP-> hmm i was talking to a 15 year old female about enemas, isnt that illegal or something?

#33215 +(175)- [X]

<LEMC> (%) Resolved 18.244.1.156 to ANAL-RAPE-VICTIM-REHABILITATION-PROGRAM.MIT.EDU.

#35521 +(588)- [X]

<_sho_> Did you hear about the dyslexic guy who walked into a bra?
<RichiH> _sho_: that was so bad, it hurt

#37338 +(475)- [X]

<Filia> If you follow the other two stars in the cup of the dipper (Megrez and Phecda) down below the cup, you will get to Regulus.html, the brightest star in Leo.
<Filia> i'll remember that :D
<Havoc> ....
<Havoc> The brightest star in Leo has a file extension?

#37357 +(300)- [X]

<Neshie> whenever I eat red apples I get bad luck
<Neshie> so it might aswell happen now so I can get over it quicker
<Fariha_UK> :(
<Fariha_UK> i get bad luck when i eat rhubarb leaves
<Fariha_UK> cos they;re poisonous:/
<Neshie> erm ok
<Neshie> I dont want to eat these apples but im bloody starving
<Fariha_UK> ummm
<Fariha_UK> take the skin off, that way they're no longer red
<Neshie> ive eaten everything else
<Neshie> erm
<Neshie> theyre still red apples with or without skin
<Fariha_UK> hmmm this sounds like a philosophical discussion to me

#39122 +(13)- [X]

<myutwo33> i should stick to stupid jokes... for stupid people... that means you guys!

#40508 +(1959)- [X]

* rabid_si is going AFK.
* rabid_si is now known as rabid_si[AFK]
<DopeHat> Rabid is going to anally fist Kao.
<rabid_si[AFK]> Rabid_Si isn't here right now DopeHat.
* because_he_is_busy_wanking has joined #infinity
<because_he_is_busy_wanking> Rabid
<rabid_si[AFK]> Rabid_Si isn't here right now because_he_is_busy_wanking.

#41968 +(277)- [X]

<qwerty> that girl told me its a sin to wank
<qwerty> and i deleted like 200 megs of pr0n :(
<xor|shabl> !@$N$:@NK$!K!@N
<Wanderer> muahahaha
<Kristoph> tell her you want to sin all over her face :D

#44799 +(439)- [X]

<mycroft> I just got an email about getting access to 230,000 porno sites… I'll see you guys tomorrow.

#46205 +(294)- [X]

<Sparky-Steve> UK = 60 million
<jpp> I thought it was 85mill or so
<jpp> have any plagues recently?

#50267 +(256)- [X]

<pigger> y u b h8n?
<pigger> dun h8 plzkthx
<Judicator> Ewww.
<Judicator> Dalnet-speak. :/
<FDISK> Judicator: FUCK YOU.
<FDISK> Its not Dalnet!
<FDISK> You don't even joke about that shit!
<pigger> hahahha
<FDISK> Thats like telling a sweaty dude "Damn, you just get finished raping a ten year old or something?"
<FDISK> Its THAT offensive.

#53029 +(323)- [X]

<Yukanojo> Man, dyn.optonline.net just took a massive shit
<SPOONprez> Yukanojo: too much fiber in the network? :D

#55572 +(275)- [X]

<Kasugai> matthias_: You could get a job at Google telling their tech dept. what they are doing wrong!
<matthias_> for one they still haven't got a mind-reader interface going
<Kasugai> I hear they are still trying to implement safe search filtering on that one
<Kasugai> Otherwise you get pr0n popping up every 8 seconds.

#58732 +(333)- [X]

<dreawn> I found out earlier today from an ex-AF friend of mine that a gallon
          of prize winning bull semen sells for 10 L
<dreawn> err 10 K
<dreawn> so I've taken up a new occupation and double life as a semen rustler.
<Marmalade420> so i need is polar bear semen
<Marmalade420> and i can get money
<Marmalade420> all
<dreawn> well, prize-winning bull semen.
<dreawn> you could join my gang of ruthless thugs who steal semen from large
          creatures and try to sell it
<Marmalade420> sure
<dreawn> nothing like fleeing the farm of a north dakota farmer with a gang of
          lawmen chasing you in pickup trucks worrying about spilling some
          bull gravy out of a tin pail
<dreawn> nope, nothing at all.

#60365 +(300)- [X]

* Joins: Unix (Unix@ppp1146.nsw.padsl.internode.on.net)
-> [Unix] VERSION
[Unix VERSION reply]: mIRC v6.03 Khaled Mardam-Bey
<BenZor> rofl @ Unix.
<Unix> ?

#62338 +(21)- [X]

<S|mb0l|c> how can i view just the hot bitches profiles?

#75357 +(207)- [X]

Rock'et> Why there is random damage in Subspace?
Op>JEDI>Gau> because SS is kinda realistic...
Op>JEDI>Gau> In reality some bullets would hit in harmless places, not everything will be deadly.
Op>JEDI>Gau> meanwhile other shots will get through and break off heat tiles on your wing
Rock'et> what harm could that possibly do?

#81128 +(203)- [X]

<@SpAz-o-Licious> i got this dude i know laied like 3 weeks ago... he was like trippin out cause his gf wanted to fuck him so bad... so i told him what to do and he left.
<@SpAz-o-Licious> the next day he came in and said this...
<@SpAz-o-Licious> <@{118th}DJ_Kazul> sex is better than cs!!!
<@[Milo]> maybe on a pub
<@SpAz-o-Licious> lol!
<@Aunt_Jemima> haha

#100468 +(175)- [X]

<grem> hah
<grem> for the first time in years gold is actually worht MORE than weed

#103965 +(326)- [X]

<PickleC> I want to read
<PickleC> but I have this disease
<PickleC> called
<PickleC> L-A-Z-Y
<Carly> so you just guess whats on the screen then?

#106679 +(426)- [X]

<college^boy> hey
<college^boy> asl?
<phoxie17> 43/m/prison
<college^boy> seriouslly?

#140596 +(128)- [X]

<cemil> what does it mean? :)
<cemil> /dev/hda4              24G   33M   22G   1% /db
<cemil> /dev/hda4 on /db type ext3 (rw)
<tibyke> it means you have to contact your systems administrator
<cemil> i am :)

#190258 +(246)- [X]

<Taz^> i seen your picutre
<Taz^> your like what 14 or 15
<Kevin666> 14, and alot smarter then you, in meny ways

#191171 +(339)- [X]

<xScoobyxDoo42ox> "My name is Saddam Hussein. I am the president of Iraq and I want to negotiate," he told the US troops in English, according to Major Bryan Reed, operations officer for the 1st Brigade, 4th Infantry Division.
<xScoobyxDoo42ox> hahaha
<xScoobyxDoo42ox> i used that on the cops last week

#201842 +(41)- [X]

<Spiff> I was wondering why Jews didn't celebrate Christmas the other night
<Spiff> and the answer I came up with was that it was like John Wilkes Booth celebrating Lincoln's birthday
<Spiff> It's just not right celebrating the birthday of the guy you killed.

#205824 +(574)- [X]

•Berrik• I swear I hate German
•Berrik• You take some 3-letter word in English
•Berrik• and in German it's "Schtuffwaftefloswhosit"

#233535 +(679)- [X]

<mrsnazz> I'm a phreaker, you know what I mean, and I flip the little switch on the red box
<mrsnazz> on the redbox, on the redbox yea
<mrsnazz> I'm to elite for my shirt, to elite for my shirt, so elite it hurts
<nickr> on the pay phone, on the payphone
<mrsnazz> yea
<mrsnazz> i play my little tone to the payphone

#243745 +(959)- [X]

<Swenja> If you handed people a box that said "Danger! Crotch-eating crickets inside! Do not shake! Do not open!"
<Swenja> ....ten minutes later, there'd be screaming and chirping, and crickets all over the place...

#444901 +(503)- [X]

Sam Stone:  Blade walk into your parents bedroom totally naked and covered in wesson oil and weilding a knife. Scream at the top of your lungs "YOU JUST STAY RIGHT IN THE FUCKING BED OR I'LL CUT IT~!!!!" then grab your man hammer in a death grip in shake it at your mom. Whatever she says next, make a quick downward stab while screaming but don't stab yourself in the penis for real. Then shuffle over to mom and say "Just kidding mom, happy easter!" and walk back to your room

#501495 +(2217)- [X]

<Kupo> man
<Kupo> Firefox can fuck itself
<DarknessTear> It can? So THAT's what the Firefox logo is doing.

#629500 +(1483)- [X]

<corncob> I was in networking class
<corncob> and the disccussion randomly turned to personal freedoms.
<corncob> some girl said there should be a law against parents smoking around kids to keep them from encouraging them to smoke
<corncob> and someone else counters with "Well, I saw my parents having sex all the time and I'm still a virgin!"

#670637 +(214)- [X]

<Lucy> Anyways... Like no one is online coz it's friday and everyone is doing stuff and it's not fucking fair coz I wasn't invited.
<OnslaughtSix> Aww.
<Lucy> Yeah, that's right!
<Lucy> So you have to be nice to me!
<OnslaughtSix> brb
<OnslaughtSix> Sorry, I had to get my violin to play you a sad song on.

#674006 +(295)- [X]

Madrigal: I once went to an Applebee's with my ex-boyfriend.
Madrigal: We had this waitress named Jinko.
Madrigal: He accidentally called her Plinko.
Madrigal: She came back with five coasters.

#694822 +(591)- [X]

[Sioux]: OMG!
[Sioux]: THAT JOKE IS OLD!!!!!!!!
[Sioux]: It's over 10 years old. I told it to all my friends back in 1991.
[CwR]: Run out of fingers to calculate the exact difference? :)

#705161 +(510)- [X]

NBnate14: GOD DAMNIT MY ROOM MATE IS MOONING ME
NBnate14: AND HE WONT STOP
MikeGinn440: kick his ass literally
NBnate14: damnit it's like live goatse

#879056 +(640)- [X]

<kaber> My buddy just got a divorce. they had 4 kids. she met some new guy and she thinks she'll have it better with him
<kaber> so the women leave thinking it's greener on the other side and what not.. and they usually end up getting shafted even more
<tomalak> kaber: I think that's the point.

#914350 +(1767)- [X]

<Travis> Why don't you just keep your hair brown?
<Alex> It's not brown
<Alex> It's auburn
<Travis> What the fuck is Auburn?
<Alex> ...
<Rex> He's a guy, he only sees like 10 colours or something, don't do this to him.

#953085 +(105)- [X]

<swarthy15> I'm sweating like Gary Glitter in Mothercare

0.0614 21047 quotes approved; 125 quotes pending
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