#81 +(1900)- [X]
<shaft`> I bought it through a special deal at work
<Guilty> The deal where you put what you can under your jacket?
#451 +(29)- [X]
<McMoo> my computer doesn't even have a ps/2 port
<RYan-> how do you connect your mouse?
#1849 +(577)- [X]
<Athena-X> have you ever tried to make a ':|' face in real life? try and do it without looking stupid and/or retarded. it's quite a challenge!
#2011 +(286)- [X]
<Speef> I have some killer gas
<matts> go to the terrorists... they'll need your help
#2292 +(428)- [X]
<brase_one> anyone have kemetic suns - stop the world = free leech to my ftp site
<MiNdizzle> that's the weirdest math equation i've seen
#2666 +(967)- [X]
(robb): my father passed away suddenly on thursday, and insted of spending time with him durring his final days i was too busy flooding your gay ass channel cuz you faggots decided to ban me.
#3638 +(295)- [X]
<CoMBo> so for job titles, i should put Wholesale Distributor, Bookkeeping and ...what goes here
<jube> Village Idiot
#5527 +(251)- [X]
<slide-> hah, of course their site has popup ads
<eevar> get opera.. - never seen a popup i don't want
<slide-> iv never seen a popup i do want
#5990 +(458)- [X]
<zer0man> i wish someone told me that having a girlfriend was going to be difficult
<zer0man> or if they told me that, I wish i listened
#7976 +(269)- [X]
<ErikN|WORK> do you have sdl installed?
<savepotatoes> think so
<ErikN|WORK> are you sure?
<savepotatoes> whats sdl?
#8187 +(221)- [X]
<CrashCat> downloading lineage: 10 hours. patching lineage: 3 hours. uninstalling lineage: priceless.
#8930 +(37)- [X]
<XvRickH> is an oc3 connection like...2 T3s combined?
<Goetterdaemmerung> hence oc-"3"
<XvRickH> so could I combine like 2 DSL lines and make like...an DSL2 or something?
#9034 +(337)- [X]
<ggeyton_hewitt> <_git_> hey folks, what does @ mean in front of someones nick?
<ggeyton_hewitt> <thorn``> The @ symbol identify's the channel operators.. Chops have extra commands for control of the room
<ggeyton_hewitt> <_git_> does it mean that persons is a sad wanker who spends his life on irc, has no real friends, and prefers to chat on here than in a pub?
<ggeyton_hewitt> it's funny cos it's true
<Syncope> very true
#10117 +(355)- [X]
<Guilty> I had lilo and stitch all along
<Mass> you have it ?
<Guilty> I just didnt realize its 1 fucking CD
<Mass> ohh dood send
<var> ill pretend both of you didnt just say that
<var> and we can still be friends
#10185 +(505)- [X]
<Mike_McCormick> how do you change your name? i tried /nick Mike but it won't work
<Mike> that's because I have that one dingleberry
#10930 +(291)- [X]
<rubio_> i'd be afraid of my penis shrinking
<rubio_> to the point it looks like a clit
<rubio_> the humidity here already fuxors with it!
<SEoD> hehe good excuse
<rubio_> its embarassing when a stripper grabs it and stifles a laugh
<rubio_> then pats you sympathetically on the shoulder
<SEoD> hehe and puts money in your pocket
<SEoD> "go see a doctor"
#11937 +(18)- [X]
<molesto> damn, i submitted "black pride" to oxymoron.com and they didn't accept it
#14792 +(18)- [X]
<collie> Why did irc2-1.netcom.com sets mode: -o collie deop me?
<Temps> cause you wasn't opped first
<collie> I was opped now. Why did netcom deop me.
<collie> I can see some other server deoping me but not my own that I pay every month.
*** collie has left channel #netcom
#17973 +(339)- [X]
<Lyfe> definition of porking: going to the club with the intention of sleeping with the fattest hoe you can find, in the hopes your bitch will be fatter then the ones your buddies pick up, so you get the pot of money.
<Lyfe> oops, wrong channel =/
<Rakash|HoW> Lyfe you need a little timeout?
<Morlack> No, I think he needs a better plan at getting women.
#25117 +(183)- [X]
<Shinji> i have a #masturbation in my logs
#33815 +(446)- [X]
<Diamond> That's because you're spoiled :D
<Diamond> "MOM I NEED A P4 2.4GHz FOR WORD PROCESSING PLZKTHX"
<Diamond> "MAKE SURE IT HAS A GOOD 3D CARD FOR...3D WORDS"
#35373 +(482)- [X]
<Snow> Heard outside construction site on way to lunch:
<Snow> <sound that a nail gun makes> "AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
#36201 +(247)- [X]
<GokuSSJ4> My first car was free
<Genome> GokuSSJ4 u stole it?!!
<GokuSSJ4> Nah my parents gave it to me
<Genome> they stole it???
#37389 +(380)- [X]
<picklehammer> im gay too
<picklehammer> oops wrong room
#39807 +(58)- [X]
<CPUkid> holy shit...8.25gb
<MacGunner> what your game folder?
<CPUkid> No all my porn, the special kind.
<MacGunner> wtf, gay porn?
<CPUkid> yeppers =/
#40907 +(138)- [X]
<trog> one day, I'm gonna find the guy that created polaris, and shove bright colourful things down his throat til he chokes on them
#41531 +(135)- [X]
<pb8> Ahhhh, 13% complete and only 16.5 hours to go
<Glitch> lol, of what?
<tharok> u timing your wanking again pb?
#50120 +(11)- [X]
( shamoun ) lol, please don't root me
( shamoun ) hey, i have a question
( shamoun ) if im logged into root, is there some way i can do something like su to login to another user and then launch xchat
( shamoun ) i don't want to have to leave xfce
( shamoun ) well, now you all know im logged in as root. goodbye
#58187 +(322)- [X]
<avat> damn, I've been playing ut too much
<avat> my cursor moved & I was gonna shoot it
#60181 +(272)- [X]
<Suave|Away> Oh, and don't DnD tonight.
<cow> no way
<Suave|Away> Either Dungeons and Dragons, or Drink n Drive
<Suave|Away> Either way, you're a bloody idiot
#63352 +(83)- [X]
<Spacer> just heard a funny story from my mom just now
<Spacer> she works as a teacher
<Spacer> and in one of her classes, it started to smell like dog poo
<Spacer> so she made everyone check their shoes, but they were all clean
<Spacer> so she went to the head of year
<Spacer> and got her to check everyones shoes
<Spacer> but they were all clean still
<Spacer> the smell was coming from the radiator area, so she asked the caretaker to check it out
<Spacer> while he was doing that, she sent everyone outside
<Spacer> but it still smelt in the corridor
<Spacer> and she traced the smell to some girl
<Spacer> and she checked her shoes, but they were clean
<Spacer> she goes "you smell a little whiffy today, go to the toilets and check yourself out"
<Spacer> so she walks off
<Spacer> and the smell goes
<Spacer> when she gets back, she goes to my mom
<Spacer> with a big smile on her face, and says "sorry miss, i poo'd my panties"
<Spacer> this is a year 11 girl, like 17 years old :P
#71815 +(156)- [X]
<kichigai> *:-}8 8- transvestite
#75384 +(289)- [X]
<Quoth> i thought MacOS was a breakfast cereal
#88313 +(141)- [X]
<b1u3> they should have a tv station that randomly joins and broadcasts dalnet rooms...nerds everywhere would afk irc to watch and judge other nerds from afar
#94125 +(466)- [X]
<Manda> i want a bf
<Manda> i am lame and desperit
<Redalien> from the latin
<Redalien> meaning easy
#98067 +(22)- [X]
<aBoijj> just realised I'd set the web cache on my proxy to 1TB instead of the 1GB I thought I'd set it to
<aBoijj> the machine only has a 4.3GB drive
#98324 +(796)- [X]
<@voh> ever seen the bristol flag in my room?
<@voh> it's about 80 cm wide and 300cm long
<@voh> big-ass flag :)
< SirGoblin> sounds like my penis
<@voh> the flag refuses to stand up straight as well
#106186 +(227)- [X]
[WaRe-WoLf] you know i gotta find a girl, get her pregnant so i can have a kid to dig around with those cables behind the tv
#111338 +(16471)- [X]
<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...
<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything
<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.
<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "
<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls
<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"
<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.
<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.
<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang
<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
#113589 +(199)- [X]
Frost: lol dood
Frost: my brother and his friend come home just now
Frost: and theres 5 kids coming up the street running
Frost: im like wtf
Frost: and he tells me they are chasing him and his friend
Frost: so i go out there like wtf fags what do you want
Frost: and they said my little brother and his friend hit some lady in the head with a rock and shes bleeding
Frost: man my brother is dumb
Frost: im gonna let them beat him up
ape: thats the funniest shit ive heard in a long time
#114622 +(354)- [X]
<Berrik> my goddamned school has fat cheerleaders
<Berrik> let me tell you something
<Berrik> there's only one half of a girl's chest I want to see jiggle when she jumps
<Berrik> and it ain't the bottom half
#115490 +(230)- [X]
<aen> That's weird. I thought someone told me .bins were better than .isos because you can repair them more easily or something, but also that it had compression.
<Gayo> He was a .bin propagandist, tricking you with his honeyed lies.
#522754 +(1735)- [X]
<Trin[awah]> I was dyeing easter eggs, and I said, "my eggs came out all ugly!"
<Trin[awah]> and my brother said to me, "well, now you know how your mother feels."
#605834 +(598)- [X]
<Trent> ohh, i saw brokeback mountain last night <_<
<Ngamer> pretty good?
<Come> I hear Ebert gave it 1 thumb up and a reacharound.
#628721 +(1031)- [X]
kaytodaizzik: that's like my outlook on life
kaytodaizzik: "cautious optimism"
kaytodaizzik: It's like, I'm pretty sure the Sun will rise tomorrow.
kaytodaizzik: But chances are someone's gonna try and fuck me
kaytodaizzik: So I wear sunglasses and a buttplug.
#644835 +(1759)- [X]
<Blabber> i just started working out, to get me some muscle and feel confident
<Blabber> so after the first time, i come home and look at myself in the mirror
<Blabber> to see if there is already improvement
<Blabber> my mom steps in and says "you look good enough to play in a warmovie"
<Blabber> so she boosts my confidence and i say thx! like a sergeant you mean?
<Blabber> and i swear to god then she says: no like a concentration camp victim
<Blabber> she left the room laughing her ass off...
#648832 +(1267)- [X]
<Prysm> my dad just said 'I just exploded'
<Prysm> and my mom said 'that's not the first time today'
<Prysm> I REALLY HOPE THAT WASN'T SEXUAL
<Prysm> or I will kill myself
<Taidahn`> Prysm, it was
* Prysm dies a little inside
<Taidahn`> Prysm, and a little of your dad probably died inside your mom.
<Taidahn`> Prysm, or maybe on
#696478 +(784)- [X]
<Anony-X> Whats the worst thing about rollerskating?
<Anony-X> Telling your parents your gay.
#757724 +(2560)- [X]
<CtrlAltDestroy> Here is my impression of Wikipedia.
<CtrlAltDestroy> "There are five fingers on the human hand "
#787031 +(3143)- [X]
<obm>If they make a Nano Iphone, I may be interested.
<obm>oh, or an iphone shuffle, no screen and it phones random people