#1343 +(732)- [X]
(nexxai) Five seconds later, I'm getting the upside of 15Kv across the nipples. (These ambulance guys sure know how to party).
#2074 +(331)- [X]
<memo> Kazz, do you WANT your dick bit off? Didn't we just have an in-depth discussion earlier today on why that's not a good thing?
#3474 +(316)- [X]
<@Catgirl> The three stages of Catgirl hating: #1) "FUCK YOU I'M RIGHT YOU'RE WRONG" #2) "FUCK YOU I BET YOU'RE NOT A GIRL" #3) "FUCK YOU" *ban* PM: "I'd like to fuck you."
#3871 +(196)- [X]
<crapple> i'd fuck a man for a gay.com vhost
#4019 +(239)- [X]
<drlion> squirrels have sexy tails
<drlion> like foxes
<[ric]> hmm.... define "sexy"
<[ric]> in fact, don't... I will leave it to my imagination.. :)
#6167 +(179)- [X]
<Sabre> Anyone know what's going on X Files?
<AtmaWeapon> if anyone spoils anything I'm gonna kickban them.
<l0bster> Then, they get a tip, that some guy named AtmaWeapon's mom, was
some kinda funky werewolf. So they drove to her house with 3metric tons
of tranq, and shot her fat ass. Repeatedly, until she passed out. But
the slobber from her mouth floods the room and kills everyone.
#6786 +(430)- [X]
<nwa_> someone sniff me and send me a copy of all the info you collect, i am most interested
<beeMind> nwa_: I've been sniffing you and I have some info. You smell funny.
#8069 +(978)- [X]
<jeff> Do you realise that you have spelt both the words "fantasy" and "girl" incorrectly ? By doing this, are you displaying a vain attempt at what some may refer to as "coolness" ? Or is it that you can not spell ? If the former, I suggest you rethink your stance on social status and its implications. The later, perhaps you should start attending school.
#8339 +(765)- [X]
<Hitokoei> Last year, I was at my friends and we were playing truth or dare in Boys vs. Girls style, and the girls dared all of us to jack of right there in front of them.
<Hitokoei> And even worse than that, we did it...
<Hitokoei> For $30 each.
<Hitokoei> I got made fun of though...they said I jacked off funny.
#8726 +(405)- [X]
<mewse> contrary to popular belief there are periods where i dont feel like drinking
<mewse> these periods, i call "hangovers"
#12897 +(337)- [X]
<Carter> How did you guys used to think babies were made?
<Carter> I thought it was about urine!
<Carter> I thought you had to mix urine, so I peed in this bucket and I tried to get my brother to do the same so that I could have a baby in the bucket
#13725 +(80)- [X]
<_emma_> I'm just like a Barbie doll, I come with all the accesories <Mort-Hog> And you have your underwear melted on to you? :)
<_emma_> Barbies in my day had no underwear
<Mort-Hog> What? My barbies all have their plastic underwear molded on to their bodies
#20248 +(162)- [X]
<notxyst> fuck budget cuts
<notxyst> bush should make wrist cuts
#22533 +(243)- [X]
<Feared> Everyone's against me.
<Feared> It's like my school is here.
#22867 +(1296)- [X]
(Headache) oh <censored>, the power just went off
(Headache) wait a minute
(Headache) y does this seem wrong
#23445 +(178)- [X]
<DSCS_SoCalKicks> click the live365 link
<DSCS_SoCalKicks> ont he bottom it says also try and gives links to more stations
<Niq> I'm not into "clicking links". It's a gateway drug.
#26283 +(246)- [X]
<Masa> I never had a brother I could fight with
<Masa> very unsatisfactory
<Kevyn> I punched my sister once. Heh.
<Kevyn> I was too young to know better.
<Masa> and I couldnt hit my sister too much
<Kevyn> Pow, right in the nose.
<waffle> you're quite the enlightened male
<Kevyn> Eh. I love my family and that's how I show it.
<Kevyn> I can't wait to have kids.
<Kevyn> I'm gonna beat their fucking asses.
#33661 +(317)- [X]
<\Gadget\> I have cable and my mom just handed me an AOL CD to see if we could get the internet to go faster.
#33795 +(190)- [X]
<Death555Die666> im throwing a huge suicide party, care to join? :P
<soloc831> oh really? so when they say "this party really died" they wont be kidding
#36432 +(180)- [X]
<Gplex> is this the main channel
<Gplex> where's the main channel?
<Gplex> what's a "main channel"
<Gplex> what does that mean: "in the main channel"
#38569 +(10)- [X]
<robbie-a> for shure
<robbie-a> fuck thats whack
#48885 +(120)- [X]
(WHW-Rob): i need to make a shirt.... "You're so much sexier when you just SHUT UP!"
#48886 +(28)- [X]
(PrinceDC): incase you didnt see them all
(PrinceDC): theres girls sucking my dick in the pics
(DownKaos): thats almost as cool as curtis's with the dog licking the peanut butter off his....
#49925 +(137)- [X]
<proto> So, I was thinking-- if I were a cannibal and I was eating some guy, would his arms be wings that I could have with bleu cheese and celery?
<proto> And would from the knees down be like drumsticks? KFM original recipe?
<mook> If you say lady fingers I'm going to kick you.
#55524 +(458)- [X]
<pairo> you know you're doomed when you have to whois your domain registrar ID to find out your own phone number
#72614 +(847)- [X]
<ex-machina> I had to change rooms at my hotel. You know you spend too long online when you laugh at the fact that you got moved from 1024 to 768.
#75569 +(17)- [X]
<AL9000> and not too long ago my dad was installing doorbells in the house, and he kept testing them, so I dreamed I was in this house and these black women kept ringing the doorbell
<Logic_BomB> black women ring the bell, black men use the window
#76004 +(444)- [X]
<jabowah> When I jerk off I feel good for about twenty seconds and then WHAM it's right back into suicidal depression.
#86232 +(807)- [X]
<Jeff> I'm such a ditz, I dialed my phone number into the microwave
#102012 +(340)- [X]
<DoctorRiff> man PETA is awesome, hours of entertainment at the cost of one dead rabbit
#103126 +(327)- [X]
«BoneyCork» ok heres a foolproof plan to get a girl
«BoneyCork» rummage around for 5 minutes, turn to a girl, smile and say" excuse me, have you got a pen i can borrow?"
«Dilbert|Simpsons» or pull out your penis and say "i'm horny bitch, suck my cock"
«_404NotFound» ahh.. the direct approach
«BoneyCork» ive never tried that one
«BoneyCork» maybe i should sometime
«Dilbert|Simpsons» i've done it millions of times
«Dilbert|Simpsons» its bound to work sooner or later
#106560 +(371)- [X]
(+Silver) man never have porn and pics of people from irc in the same folder
(+nixon) you accidently opened nhm's picture while doing the dirty
(+nixon) didnt you
(+Silver) it was yours
(@CH) I'd just keep going
(+Silver) CH: i didnt say i stopped
#107855 +(385)- [X]
AoD> Hey. Would anyone here have paid money to kick Saddam out of power?
<AoD> Pick a figure.
<dubuto> I heard the Iraq thing cost 63odd billion.
<AoD> What would it have been worth to you to get rid of him?
<AoD> OUt of your pocket.
<dubuto> Tough question.
<AoD> It cost us 220 dollars each.
<Meadow_Boxer> Ain't that some shit
<AoD> Could have been worse.
<AoD> Hell, at 220 dollars a pop, I'm game for another tyrant!
<Gavok> How much to eliminate Whoopie Goldberg?
#124895 +(1299)- [X]
<conlusio_> ok I can't fucking win today
<conlusio_> ATM eats my card
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conlusio_> Staples stopped shipping UPS for this week due to 'retraining due to shipping a hazardous container'
<conlusio_> and everyone fucking bails on me in the middle of my rant :(
<conlusio_> I knew I was bitching but jeezus
#212271 +(181)- [X]
<NEGRO> i find out if i can get 1.5mbit cable tomarrow
<NEGRO> comcast keep dicking us around
<NEGRO> "yes, service is available in your area"
<NEGRO> "oh, its available, but not in your neighborhood, but in your area!"
<NEGRO> "oh, it is available in your neighborhood."
<NEGRO> "well, maybe its not, we just like getting your hopes up you stupid fuck ass!"
#239995 +(1463)- [X]
<Drychtnath> csn hold sm u ajcp;pjp
<Drychtnath> *I cns hdol mu alclhoo
<Drychtnath> *can, *hold, *my, *alcohol
<getoutofmygalley> You should really go to bed, Dan. You're way too drunk.
<Drychtnath> butr i'm not
<Drychtnath> least i don't think dfo
<Drychtnath> dfo = spo
<Drychtnath> spo = os
<Drychtnath> os = so
#268803 +(332)- [X]
<Shark463> hey, did u see stevie wonders new album?
<Shark463> neither has he.
#303329 +(731)- [X]
<[X]> What the fuck? Gwyneth Paltrow named her daughter "Apple". What the fuck is it with celebrities naming their kids weird shit?
<Alex> I'm gonna name my kid Strawberries
<bobik-> Alex, you a dumbass
<Schwert> the kid will kill you ,Alex
<Alex> true :(
<[X]> It could be worse... when I was two or so, and living on an Air Force Base in Utah there was a family living on base whose last name was Cane. Their daughters were Sugar, Candy, and Nova.
#578715 +(386)- [X]
[Yaksha] We call this kids' mom 'Mapquest'
[norris] why's that?
[Yaksha] She has multicolored veins visible all over her body, looks like downtown Phoenix.
#581631 +(1822)- [X]
<carkeys> arpad you there?
<Meritt> That's the first time I've seen car keys go looking for their owner.
#644166 +(421)- [X]
<BlakeyFox> it's kinda cloudy 'round these parts
<BlakeyFox> good lord, I'm typing in TEXAN!
<BlakeyFox> nasty dialect, it is
<Laila> Now you're typing in Yoda.
<Reiz0r> Texan yoda
#664684 +(618)- [X]
<krangface> man fucking big brother... border security... soon they're gonna have a show called the fascist purge... which consists of people being rounded up and systematically shot
<drexen> that's the 'war on terrorism'
#671819 +(618)- [X]
<Grover> On my linux box, I once swapped out the motherboard, put in a new video card, doubled the RAM, installed a CD burner, installed a RAID array of (6) 200GB SATA Drives, and overclocked the CPU without ever rebooting it
<Rusty> Didn't you reboot it a few weeks ago?
<Grover> Yeah, I had to reboot to install my Thumb Drive
#680845 +(438)- [X]
<lark> shit dude im in deep shit with my gf
<Solid_Snake> What'd you do this time?
<lark> well her doctor was rude to her and I found it hilarious
<lark> hes like this young new doctor and she went in for some shit I dont remember and hes like "well I got a prescription for you. you could just take my..capsule" motioning to his dick
<lark> she rolled her eyes and then he said "its a suppository"
#681183 +(2333)- [X]
Ron34: Why havent you been in school?
Joe: because its summer vacation?
Ron34: its sept 13
Ron34: school started the 5th
Joe: ITS SEPTEMBER?
#689386 +(324)- [X]
<total_meltdown> Writing to an NTFS filesystem in Linux is like using Windows ME - you /can/ but when it bombs and you lose everything, nobody will feel sorry for you.
#757207 +(733)- [X]
<iank> I accidentally type valid perl when I'm angry.
#765199 +(696)- [X]
<_Nor> some bird's applied for my dba team leader role
<_Nor> as her interests she lists "Motorsport, reading (Science Fiction, Science) and playing racing games on PS2/PC
<_Nor> I think she's got confused and was actually applying to be my wife
#772437 +(3726)- [X]
GuyGuy: I am so fucking dead, dude.
Bilbo22: What's up?
GuyGuy: Ok, this is gonna take some explanation.
Bilbo22: Go for it.
GuyGuy: Alright. My wife goes crazy when I cum in her. She really likes the feeling of liquid shooting into her or something, cause she's absolutely nuts about it. It's like a fucking fetish.
GuyGuy: Anyway, Last week she went totally overboard with this. We were having sex, and everything was going great, but when I said I was about to cum she grabbed me by the shaft, forcefully yanked me out of her, got this fucking jar from the drawer in the nightstand, and collected my fucking semen in it.
Bilbo22: What the fuck?
GuyGuy: Yeah. Weird ass shit.
Bilbo22: No, I mean the fact you're telling me this shit. I don't want to hear this.
GuyGuy: It's important dude, hear me out.
Bilbo22: Fine, Fine.
GuyGuy: Anyway, I was asking what the fuck she was up to and she tells me she wants to save up my jism so she can take it all at once. So she sticks the jar in the fridge and tells me we can't have any more sex until I fill the thing entirely.
GuyGuy: And long story short, I just don't got that much juice in me, so after a week of trying to jack it until I could fill it, my penis felt like it was gonna burst. So I decided to cheat, and topped it off with some of this dove soap she has, cause it looks a lot like semen.
Bilbo22: Oh dear god, I know where this is going.
GuyGuy: So I give her the filled jar all indignant like cause she made me do this, and she promised me lots of kinky sex for it.
GuyGuy: Then she pulls a fucking turkey baster out of her dresser, sucks up the contents of the jar, sticks the baster in her pussy, and lets it rip.
GuyGuy: As it turns out, Soap apparently burns like a motherfucker when you put it in a woman's pussy.
Bilbo22: Oh shit man. When the fuck was this?
GuyGuy: Like, ten minutes ago.
Bilbo22: Then what the fuck are you doing on AIM!?
GuyGuy: Are you kidding? She's been in the bathroom for the past ten minutes screaming like a fucking banshee.
GuyGuy: I needed leverage. If she murders me now, I've got a witness who can testify against her.
GuyGuy: Oh shit, she's coming out now. If you don't hear from me in a few days, call the cops!
Bilbo22: I'll be sure to check under the porch for your body.
#882107 +(2300)- [X]
<Alucard> is the reason r2-d2 beeps so much because someone fucked up the alsa drivers?