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#218 +(623)- [X]

<CrazyDe> man, back when i was in my sexual prime..
<CrazyDe> in the 7th grade...

#259 +(701)- [X]

<reptile-> My hands are soft and girly-like.
<reptile-> Masturbating is so much better for me!
<Taurclave> You dream of handjobs
<DigDug> reptile- pretends that the hands belong to a girl
<Taurclave> He probably has painted nails on his favorite hand

#665 +(434)- [X]

<reptile-> i like to masturbate
<reptile-> heh
<reptile-> I remember along time ago
<reptile-> when I was like 8 er smthn
<reptile-> my friend was like, "Gay people masturbate." or something
<reptile-> and I was like, "ew.. I'm never doing that!"
<reptile-> !#@$

#765 +(1110)- [X]

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the
only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
                -- Wernher von Braun

#1849 +(621)- [X]

<Athena-X> have you ever tried to make a ':|' face in real life? try and do it without looking stupid and/or retarded. it's quite a challenge!

#2351 +(258)- [X]

<Horizon> Harhar! I get a paper that says "Congradulations, you are less of an idiot now."
<Morbii> does it have a small "but you're still canadian" attached to an asterisk or something too?
<Morbii> :P

#3066 +(422)- [X]

<CactusJack> thats exeactly it...
(putnam): i lip synced rubber ducky by ernie from sesame street in literature for a project once.
(putnam): that brought the damn house down. i couldnt believe how perverted the song is
(putnam): i danced too. and got people into it. they were clapping.

#5956 +(1108)- [X]

<@Bojangle> My mom tells me I need to get laid

#7693 +(413)- [X]

<Phuser> fuck me.
<FadeJade> Why
<Phuser> i have no good reason

#7969 +(303)- [X]

<Ron`> My wife doesn't get paid for 2 years
<HeroShot> What is she, a whore?
<Ron`> Actually, one night I came home and I found 200 dollars on my dresser...
<Phrak|t> Damn... she left $400 on mine

#8450 +(309)- [X]

<Tippytoes> i got a cute winnie the pooh keyring for my bike today
<Tippytoes> he's cuddling piglet
<undrewb> aww thats nice
<undrewb> uh
<undrewb> thats not cuddling
<Tippytoes> or slipping him the pork sword
<Tippytoes> oh well
<Tippytoes> piglet's happy
<Tippytoes> he's smiling
<jamesn> piglet is a bitch
<Tippytoes> or it could be a wince

#11066 +(191)- [X]

InVerSeX: I scanned my penis in a flatbed scanner once.
The Spunn: did it hurt?
InVerSeX: No, I didn't close the lid.
InVerSeX: It was only a 14" scanner.
The Spunn: Ah, so you couldn't scan the whole thing.
InVerSeX: Exactly.
The Spunn: I had to fold mine in half to fit it all on the 14" scanner, that's the part that hurt the most.
InVerSeX: Well, I scanned mine limp and then used photoshop to get a stiffy.

#16472 +(631)- [X]

<AkumaUsagi> because every scoobie doo episode could have been 1 minute long if only someone would have eventually bought a gun.

#16757 +(625)- [X]

{Sexican} oh I heard some legends about a world where you could get a gf and stuff.
{[12Lurk} its a place where women put out
{SoCK} url?

#22387 +(289)- [X]

<Dawai> i feel like fucking my gf in the ass real hard
<Dawai> the only problem is she dumped me some time ago

#22572 +(658)- [X]

<@Oz> just reading about the human genome project
<@Oz> what a waste of time, if only god had just released the source with the binaries

#22658 +(402)- [X]

<nae> will you guys PLZZ stop that?
<nae> are there any mods around that can ban them plz?
<@Athene> nae: what is the problem?
<nae> correct me if i'm wrong but isn't this channel for d/l?
<@Athene> no, this is a chat channel
<nae> isn't htere any law against spamming?
<nae> slyspy hold 1 out of every two messages in here!
<@slyspy> nothing unusual in that
<@Athene> that is called a conversation
<@Athene> maybe you have had one before
<@Athene> or at least seen them in movies ;)
<nae> then can you plz convirsate in a new chat??? cause it blocks 0.7 of my d/l's speed!

#26661 +(680)- [X]

<JoeSCHM0E> i cook so badly, we pray AFTER meals

#34500 +(124)- [X]

*Lilmuckers is the official sega ho
*Lilmuckers has official sega ho powers
*Heroin_Bob is the official Sega Pimp
*Heroin_Bob slaps lil
Heroin_Bob- get back to work ho!

#36403 +(488)- [X]

<daveb> ide is hot pluggable, right? ;)
*** daveb has quit IRC (Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer))

#36636 +(162)- [X]

<Casper> Thursday I think I may steal the camaro and go get my haircut.
<Phucker> Is it a mullet?
<Casper> My brother's camaro is awesome.
<Phucker> For a second there I thought 'camaro' said 'mullet'
<Phucker> I don't think the two terms can be seperated

#46001 +(72)- [X]

<vic> isn't the jackass movie what got a kid to burn himself
<Hypnotoad> well nothing makes you do things to yourself...but if he copyed it then prolly is jackass yea :)
<Hypnotoad> have to be very fucking dumb...like G. Bush st00pid to copy the things they do
<Hypnotoad> feeding aligators with your arse isnt something i would copy :D..nor is getting shot with a .12 gauge riot gun
<Gothmog> darwin's spinning in his grave about now :)

#49927 +(739)- [X]

<beretta> lets say you clone yourself
<beretta> and then you become attracted to yourself..and wind up having sex with your clone
<beretta> does that make you gay, or are you just on the forefront of masturbation technology?

#50031 +(220)- [X]

<APE_> i always feel like im entering launch codes for norad when i have to get nickserv to release my nick

#55500 +(107)- [X]

<Ken> Massages are pretty healthy for you.
<Ken> It's a form of preventive medicine
<KageGamer> what about the massages that like the little japanese girl walks on your back
<KageGamer> what if she has long nails on her toes
<KageGamer> wouldnt that hurt?
DannoHung> In mother russia, YOU walk on little Japanese girl!

#71672 +(133)- [X]

<@madCoder> now its time for me to go raid my roommates food
<@madCoder> :D
<@iota> lol
<@ploppity`away> lol mad
* @iota has a huge chest freezer with some goodies
<@iota> come raid it
<@ploppity`away> iota: pm
<@madCoder> :O
<@iota> i just got a bunch of buy one get one free ice cream too
<@JaZz0r> eyes are blurry
<@JaZz0r> [Sat:3:41:13a] * iota has a huge chest
<@ploppity`away> woah
<@JaZz0r> did you say anything after that?
<@madCoder> lmao
<@iota> FREEZER
<@JaZz0r> "with some goodies"?

#75185 +(238)- [X]

<Gothmog> ive got this to say for that pool after about 10:30 at night
<Gothmog> its absolutely fucking freezing
<Zen> arg
<Zen> ur nuts
<Gothmog> yeah they were freezing too

#77029 +(847)- [X]

<Dj|Gallow> TUNE IN
<Dj|Gallow> GOD DAMN IT
<IntrepiD`GNR> Dj|Gallow: we have children present
<Dj|Gallow> sorry

#80331 +(628)- [X]

"<Hjelgan> betme
<Rift-Game>  Commands: betme start, betme join, betme bet #, betme roll(if roller), betme fix, betme quit, betme highscores
<Hjelgan> betme start
<Rift-Game> Starting Betme! Todays Roller is Hjelgan ; To join type "betme join"
<Hjelgan> betme bet life
<Rift-Game>  You Cannot Bet More Then You Have"

#95294 +(263)- [X]

<lobyaway> i need a girlfriend.
<sublmnl> its overrated
<sunrinse> girlfriends are great for cooking dinner and sticking your dick in
<sublmnl> i've got money and a hand

#98863 +(284)- [X]

<punchcard_w0rk> "fuck with me and I convert your job into a shell script"

#103964 +(33)- [X]

<+Comanche> is OST any good
<+Comanche> band apparently..

#105473 +(555)- [X]

<pq> i had the funniest complaint from a client this morning
<pq> <client> when i turn on that machine it tells me my hymen is missing
<pq> <me> do u mean HIMEM.SYS?
<pq> <client> Yes, thats the one!

#110000 +(355)- [X]

<scanline> What's the past tense of netsplit? netsplat?

#123711 +(747)- [X]

MoonJuice: its amelia you dumb bitch
bryanvaim: you accidently typed "you" instead of "the"

#140669 +(251)- [X]

<|StuNNa|> !addpeon Murdoc
<Murdoc> hey
<Murdoc> dont you pee on me

#238066 +(862)- [X]

<tah_twig> How do you know I'm NOT a hot, slutty girl?
<go_amd_go> because your here

#337916 +(915)- [X]

<beefstain> i wish faggots would stop putting my deoderant on me with their tongues while i slumber
<beefstain> i mean
<beefstain> YARR, MANLY THINGS

#373797 +(1434)- [X]

<Xenecrite> wanna hear a joke?
<Xenecrite> Women's Rights
<Lone_wolf_gurl> you have 5 seconds to start running.

#453209 +(653)- [X]

Mervin: Alright, thats it
Mervin: I'm so gonna get you
Kelvin: GEEK
Mervin: You are so not 3l337
Kelvin: I am so 3l337
Rocky:Alright geeks, i think we know how to settle this
Rocky: Dungeons and Dragons at D20 paces

#482105 +(394)- [X]

<Coyote> ok I'm bored
<Coyote> noir, can I telnet you?
<Noir> why not
<Coyote> Can i get you rroot and play in your filesystem?
<Noir> why not
<Coyote> wewt
<Noir> just dont break anything
<Coyote> oh don't worry
<Coyote> I'll be gentle
<Noir> k
<Coyote> I'll slowly input keystrokes to your cli until you come to emacs

#491614 +(2412)- [X]

<SirCourage> So anyways, I knew at 1:30 am this morning that my english paper would not be finished, so I opened up mirc.exe in notepad, saved it as a .txt, emailed it to my school email and told them that their email server must have ruined my paper. I got an A-  :D

#492262 +(1956)- [X]

<sword> i have the perfect girlfriend
<jon334> girlfriends are never perfect, m8
<sword> well last night while she was giving me a back massage she asked me whether i wanted anything to eat or a blowjob or both. i said that im a bit tired so she got me a beer from the fridge and said that i should make myself comfortable
<sword> cause she still hadnt finished my home assignment for the PHP class and she wanted to check /. too
<jon334> she good looking?
<sword> id say so, yea
<jon334> MARRY HER! NOW

#548837 +(515)- [X]

<rhc> apparently it's rude if
<rhc> somebody asks if you have a light
<rhc> and you reply: "yes, but it's at the end of the tunnel"

#618078 +(2095)- [X]

ErrorHst : im getting tired of your ignorance
DoomDayMassacre : im not ignoring u

#621091 +(882)- [X]

<bLank> I was just watching Swordfish and the senators assistant hands him a floppy disc and says "Sir, we have a problem" ... I'm sorry, but nothing important has ever been able to fit on a floppy disc, there's no way the senator is going to have his fly-fishing disturbed for 1.4 mb

#673771 +(2438)- [X]

< Codegen> one day my gf and I were watching TV, when the news reports came on talking about how there were suicide bombers in london, and how they destroyed the transit system. The news reporters said that these bombing were similar to the previous suicide bombings from a week before. Then my gf turns to me and asks, "Do you think that they are the same suicide bombers?"

#698246 +(701)- [X]

JA: would you date a christian?
JK: Sure
JK: I'd screw the Jesus right out of her
JA: OMG i can't BELIEVE you just said that
JK: Because once you've been in bed with me, you know the truth
JK: there is no God :(

#826453 +(2066)- [X]

<cannibal> Im playing tetris, and why won't the square pieces spin like the others?
<therion> ...

#911227 +(963)- [X]

<Computer> this weekend i learned that one of my had-been best friends has become clinically insane
<Computer> talking to her was one of the more disturbing experiences i have had in a long time
<Computer> i went home that night and was too depressed to come outside again
<Mousey> is she single?

0.0609 21085 quotes approved; 535 quotes pending
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