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#30 +(2707)- [X]

<pezmasta> my band is gonna be called: rage against the answering machine

#201 +(1412)- [X]

<iMike> the bible should be rewritten to more common language
<DigDug> yeah, like c++ or perl
<D1> in comic book form

#3869 +(212)- [X]

<Hoosier55> does anyone know where i can get a modchip installed cuz i hate to solder does best buy do it?

#4150 +(444)- [X]

<Raiden> my cats used to lick my penis if I slept naked...
<Raiden> I had 5 cats...that was uber

#6934 +(203)- [X]

<CapnKev> Nothing's illegal when you're dead.
<Satrina> "dead girls don't say no"

#9103 +(763)- [X]

<vmob_babe> french is a beautiful language.
<agent_rot> i dont like it
<vmob_babe> why is that?
<agent_rot> cuz i dont like words like 'bourdoeux' or whatever are "bordo"
<vmob_babe> hmm.
<agent_rot> theyre just trying to cheat at scrabble i tell you!

#10793 +(97)- [X]

<CrushWork> hes got that "im a barbarin caveman who eats snails and says ooga booga" style look to him
<Jed> "I'm a barbarian caveman that eats snails, says ooga booga and lays cable for a living"

#11735 +(340)- [X]

<+brx|> u know whats great about spreadsheets..?
<+brx|> ....NOTHING THEY ARE FUCKING COCKBAGS

#12869 +(278)- [X]

<Red_Green> Dar wants me.
<Daroneasa> to die.

#15744 +(137)- [X]

<kavonr> our new senior unix sysadmin can't change the ip address on a sun
  workstation.

#15913 +(364)- [X]

<Godless1> I didn't see it posted asshole
<StupidAsshole> did you ad hom me, or call me by my name?

#17981 +(129)- [X]

<Phix> 70lbs of plutonium fell into san francisco bay off some ship or something
<Phix> did it cause any freak deformities?
<Phix> well it is San Francisco

#23163 +(509)- [X]

<Yoshi> I got free unlimited php asp etc hosting with no banners or ads whatsoever!!!!
<Yoshi> And a free domain name for life!
<Yoshi> Now if I could only speak Norwegian and figure out how to login

#24951 +(1083)- [X]

<Rance> the mating ritual has begun... i fixed her cable modem, she was impressed.  *flex*

#26729 +(91)- [X]

<Dracostian> i just saw the worst movie ever
<spanker> your birth?

#29291 +(534)- [X]

<acetylcholine> if it's 2 things i hate it's racial profiling and arabs on my airplane

#33588 +(170)- [X]

phusnikin> that sucked. compiled my executable into my src and i have no
backup, damm bash tab completion :\

#33652 +(9)- [X]

<@Pooka> I READ YOU CAN GET GONERELA FROM IT

#42241 +(235)- [X]

<Darf> hendrix = god
<WwW> name somthing good hendrix has done the past.. ehmm.. 5 years

#43684 +(188)- [X]

<SteamedHams> linux fags are like normal fags, only more efficient

#50411 +(852)- [X]

<[CIT-R]StreaK> my puppy is crying :(
<Volt9000> so pull out

#56782 +(486)- [X]

<Hat> I'm the king of giving girls oral sex.  Ask my girlfriends.
<Jeokitty> You're so good at all that, Mark, how good is she?
<Hat> She fucking sucks dick.
<Hat> Err
<Hat> I meant that in a bad way.  Like, she sucks dick...  poorly.

#57799 +(658)- [X]

<@newt0r> thank god, im atheist

#59839 +(320)- [X]

<Volt9000> My friend asked me to be in his movie 
<Volt9000> I think Im gonna do it
<Volt9000> I must admit my acting skills aren't the greatest
<Volt9000> But I do have SOME acting experience
<tsingtao> <Volt9000> I've managed to convince my whole school that I'm straight!

#74592 +(707)- [X]

<+TreeSquid> From: "Lots_Of_Lobster@I-Like_Lobster"
<+TreeSquid> Subject: Click here for chance to win 50 lbs.of lobster!
<+TreeSquid> what the fuck, lobster spam?!

#81287 +(837)- [X]

* Now talking in #iraq
* Topic is ' '
<Ivca> Hello Gentlemen
<Ivca> All your base are belong to US

#82050 +(202)- [X]

<Shaun> Dammit help me with my maths homework!  Can x+x be simplified any further?
<Mike> Nope
<Shaun> Yeah well your mammas fat ugly and looks like a man!
<Mike> That can be simplified however
<Mike> Just say your mamma is a double for Pavaorati

#98059 +(225)- [X]

<Innocent_ASK> Spike from Buffy is my ideal man!
<BishiGartt> he's the male version of Cher
<BishiLatino> only with less penis and more makeup

#104762 +(119)- [X]

<sixxer> bmbr.. ROOOOOOCKS
<bmbr> yeo
<bmbr> whysat
<sixxer> bmbr: cos of your new bot
<bmbr> hopefully he stays stable and quiet
<bmbr> and takes very little work on my part
<sixxer> I'd like to see him freak out and start throwing people in blenders
<bmbr> ill see if theres a .tcl for that

#105643 +(329)- [X]

* Dr_Dos|KLONE has joined #zeuxworld
<Revvy> OH NOS
<Dr_Dos|KLONE> How do I kill on esper?
<EvilMario> ghost?
<Revvy> msg nickserv kill
<Dr_Dos|KLONE> I guess.
<Zenholder> /quit <nick> <password>
<Dr_Dos|KLONE> ok
* Dr_Dos has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
* Dr_Dos|KLONE has quit IRC (Quit: Dr_Dos censored)
<EvilMario> Hahah.
<Zenholder> :D
<EvilMario> You're the best, sir.
* Dr_Dos has joined #zeuxworld
<Zenholder> :P
<Zenholder> Did it work?
<Dr_Dos> heh
<Dr_Dos> Yes
<Zenholder> Good
* Dr_Dos has quit IRC (Killed (NickServ (GHOST command used by EvilMario)))
<Zenholder> :D
<EvilMario> Excellent.
* Dr_Dos has joined #zeuxworld
<Dr_Dos> That's not right...
<EvilMario> You fool.
<EvilMario> Mwahah.. I mean.. HIIII

#119582 +(839)- [X]

<shroom> wtf your nick is obnoxious
<`_^-_`_^\^|```_-__^_\`_```> so is yours

#145594 +(582)- [X]

Drewtetz: you may be dropping rhymes, but I've tapped the zeitgeist, I smack you so hard your mom told me to "Play nice!"
Jon: drew.
Jon: you just rhymed "zeitgeist."
Jon: WTF?!

#211949 +(715)- [X]

maddox> hehe if I still lived at my parents' house I'd be grounded for sure
khoveraki> the basement is still part of the house, maddox.

#221342 +(204)- [X]

<Necro^Partehh4t> if someone insults canada the best thing u can say is
<Necro^Partehh4t> atleast im not french-canadian :.
<[HI]Widget> lol
<Bob_the_cannibal> what if you're french-canadian?
<Necro^Partehh4t> then you suck

#229070 +(6800)- [X]

<pihlopase> Jesus Saves
<jbroome> pases to moses, SCOOOOORE

#265529 +(1486)- [X]

<grl_05>hi guys
<integrating> hey baby, i wish i were your derivative because then i'd be tangent to all your curves
<FifthElement> i wish i were your integral because then i'd be the area under all your curves

#294947 +(1025)- [X]

Terron: I told him I was sick
Terron: He was all like.. bullshit you're not sick
reddkin26: So how'd you get off of work yesterday then?
Terron: I said, "I'm fucking my sister, is that sick enough for you mother fucker?"
Terron: I got my final paycheck yesterday

#309195 +(1136)- [X]

dee: mute do you ever talk
mute: No, I never say a word.
dee: why
mute: I think you missed the joke there, dee.
dee: what do you mean
mute: ...nevermind.

#351298 +(562)- [X]

Esi: people have installed linux on their Xboxes so...
Blayne: When people install Linux on their dishwasher, then I'll give them a nod
Esi: is that a challenge?

#416187 +(139)- [X]

<Ev> wow my roommates and i are so lazy, instead of gettting up and going to the other's room to say good night we IM each other good night that;s the Epitome of digital dependence

#428391 +(290)- [X]

<Saaj> gah! shit my ears are blocked :/
<^xexeh> swallow
<Saaj> swallow what?

#428609 +(1096)- [X]

<WDeranged> i just had a chickhan dinnhar and 4 hours of entertainment brought to me
<WDeranged> sometimes life is nice
<patrick``> macdonalds happy meal with a free toy?

#475920 +(1740)- [X]

<Kira> Tuesday was Groundhog Day and the State of the Union Address.  As Air America Radio pointed out, it is an ironic juxtaposition: one involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication and the other involves a groundhog.

#489514 +(1270)- [X]

<appleboy> Are you chinese?
<transgress> do i look chinese motherfucker?

#638295 +(60)- [X]

once the winee: i'll bring my dads gun collection
once the winee: and call it freedom of expression
steph: you would be arrested by the time we pass dunkin donuts
steph: the cops will have had enough coffee to walk after you
steph: walk, not run

#670375 +(16070)- [X]

<JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z
<JonTG> wait, shit

#719019 +(600)- [X]

<The831st> soy milk makes you gay
<The831st> everytime i drink soy milk i cant help but think "man, i'd much rather have a dick in my mouth than this."

#770867 +(1303)- [X]

<MVC|Programming> You know how the US is fighting a War on Terror and when it's over there'll be no more terror?
<&Darkagentx> alledgedly, yes
<&Darkagentx> :P
<MVC|Programming> And how we fought the War on Drugs, and now there are no more drugs?
<&Darkagentx> oh right, of course
<MVC|Programming> And how we had a War on Poverty and no one's poor anymore?
<&Darkagentx> Naturally
<MVC|Programming> We should totally have a War on War, then there'd be no more war.
<&Darkagentx> ...genius!

#794379 +(3236)- [X]

<karlmex> So a friend of mine got back from Amsterdam a few months back, after spending a stint there with a bunch of his mates.  Told me quite possibly one of the funniest stories Ive heard. They had picked up some shrooms and acid, and decided to take it in the wee hours of the morning, and spend the day exploring the city while they trippedsure enough 20min into it, one of the group vanishes. So, after 7 or so hours of struggling to search for their lost friend, they decide itd be best to head back to their hotel, sober up, regroup, and go looking when the gears worn off and theyd be of more use.
<tubs> lol k
<karlmex> Anyway, upon arrival at the hotel, surprise suprise they find their friend standing in the lobby, dazed and staring at the ceiling muttering to himself.  Understandably they were all pissed off with him for making them worry and bringing their trip down as a result of their half assed search. However all the friend can reply with is this fucking town is full of gremlins! They tried to calm him down and tell him that it was the acid making him hallucinate, to which he replied I knew youd say that so I captured one and locked it in the bathroom
<tubs> lol?
<karlmex> as youd expect they thought he was losing the plot, but he insisted they come to his room and look for themselves. So, they head to the room, and sure enough, the bathroom door is baracaded shut with chairs, lamps, mattress and the bedthey're getting a little worried now, so they cautiously move the furniture away and inch the door open
<tubs> and??
<karlmex> ...Laying on the floor is a 10 year old kid with Down syndrome grinning ear to ear.
<tubs> lol dude that's fucked up
<karlmex> The mate had come across one of those outing groups or retarded kids - freaked out, balled up one of those poor little bastards carried him back to the room and locked him in the bathroom for proof
<tubs> lol god man
<karlmex> anyway, luckily the kid had one of those ID cards saying hi my name is Ted, I live at blah blah lol so yea, took the poor kid to the lobby, called the cops and did a runner before they arrived lol.

#962213 +(343)- [X]

<Chaosbreaker> "Hi, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."
<Chaosbreaker> "Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"
<Chaosbreaker> "Yes, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."
<Chaosbreaker> "OK, I will tell you a TCP joke."
<Chaosbreaker> "Are you ready to hear a TCP joke?"
<Chaosbreaker> "Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke."
<Chaosbreaker> "OK, I am about to send the TCP joke. It will last 10 seconds, has 2 characters, it does not have a setting, it ends with a punchline."
<Chaosbreaker> "OK, I am ready to get the TCP joke that will last 10 seconds, has 2 characters, does not have a setting, and ends with a punchline."
<Chaosbreaker> "I'm sorry, your connection has been timed out."
<Chaosbreaker> "Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"

0.0637 21047 quotes approved; 194 quotes pending
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