#979 +(874)- [X]
<kisama> and i'm feeling invisible, you can't see me anywhere.
*** kisama was kicked by Amanda^_^ (ensuring your invisibility)
#1497 +(659)- [X]
<MrP-> i have pillows shipped UPS so when i get them they are already pre pounded and fluffy
#4256 +(531)- [X]
<OpsuPup> i was driving along one day, saw a bmw and thought, that's an ugly bmw, then i realised it was a merc, then i thought, hmm, nice looking merc
#5580 +(274)- [X]
<blitzoid> It's got a thousand people saying that you CANNOT live without a "ULTRA RARE FOIL CARD MTG SUPER GOLEM ORC MONSTER FLOWER" card. I don't even like MTG, and these fucks are saying that without these cards my colon will fuse shut and my eyes will melt and drain down my face.
#6629 +(34)- [X]
<markd2> kompressor is not dancing
<evand> kompressor does not funk
<markd2> kompressor needs therapy
#8487 +(259)- [X]
<cactoid> pr0n is critical internet infrastructure
<cactoid> if pron wasn't flowing freely, ISPs wouldn't need to upgrade their gear and networking vendors would go out of business
#8590 +(191)- [X]
<mrempire> -7% burning an iso here
<mathew2> now we know why you work for PC World.
#9015 +(296)- [X]
<ruumis> ahhh, nothing nurtures a productive workplace enviroment like fresh paint fumes.
<ruumis> I am in flavor country.
#12937 +(279)- [X]
<Dayv> Eric, you wouldn't know bad taste if it came up behind you and licked your asshole with your mother's severed tongue.
#14207 +(10585)- [X]
<h|tler> HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU TELL THAT I'M 13 BY LOOKING AT WHAT I'M WRITEING?????????????????????????????????????????????????????
#14444 +(213)- [X]
<tokage> im a pathetic fanboy when it comes to king
<tokage> I'd read tampon labels if someone told me he wrote them
#16579 +(35)- [X]
<kel> she's not great looking
<kel> has looked better
<kel> but has a funny nose
<kel> thin and wear tight clothes
<kel> I'm talking about 17 year old girl
<kel> I'm gonna stop
#20064 +(367)- [X]
<Prozzy> I would, i have a scanner right next to me, BUT THINK OF THE [FUTURE] CHILDREN. I'd hate to tell my kid with downs syndrome that they're fucked up cuz i scanned my nuts.
#21039 +(1291)- [X]
<Casm> so lemme get this straight...
<Casm> you asked for sex on the 2nd date
<Casm> and when she said no you started crying?
<Casm> and she felt sorry for ya and put out?
<Casm> so in order to get pussy, you gotta BE a pussy?
<Fr0id> seems like it
<Casm> i swear to god the whole fuckin world's against me!
#22915 +(330)- [X]
<IngyThing> ill probably pop in sometimes about 2300
<ILoveJackDaniels> we'll still be here, and ken still won't be able to type :)
<kensplace> hic i reswomble that remark
<kensplace> look like
#27289 +(205)- [X]
(timmo) id fucking stab someone if i was in a dorm room
(timmo) and woke up
(timmo) and they were fucking whacking
[Gimdb] i'd finish them off
#37038 +(252)- [X]
<Riku> IRC is art.
#39455 +(8)- [X]
<[NOREAGA]> nah i'm more important than u
<[NOREAGA]> ur some aol junkie
<[NOREAGA]> i've been to defcon
#39904 +(556)- [X]
<balistic> Do you guys know any girls whose names don't contain .jpeg, .mpg, or .avi?
#40505 +(475)- [X]
#41207 +(130)- [X]
<MY3K> someone kick my2k.
* Midknight kicks MY2K
* MY2K has quit IRC (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
<Midknight> see? it worked!! ^^
#42105 +(218)- [X]
<Orion> Among the impressive range of Durex products you'll find are three new exciting condoms - Sensation, Close Fit and Classic.
<Orion> oh goody, three NEW EXCITING condoms
<goldberg> put them all on at once
<goldberg> you get a classic close fit sensation
#43216 +(464)- [X]
<Blorb> AH JESUS FUCK WHAT KIND OF PERSON LABELS A BACKSTREET BOYS SONG AS A TOOL SONG???
#50148 +(280)- [X]
<Keitaro`> i just watched this tech tv interview with a software pirate that got caught
<Keitaro`> he had a server at work, with 1.5 TERABYTES of warez
<Jerec> TB.. wow
<Jerec> to even see a TB on a computer
<Jerec> thats like seeing bigfoot
<Jerec> or Jesus
#52457 +(107)- [X]
<Geollum> The third volume of the trilogy is no better, Yott insists. Creatures with dark faces, black eyes and long black hair coming from the east and the south and wielding scimitars is obviously racist, he says.
<Geollum> Ok, it's not OUR fault that black has come to associate Evil
<KeeperX> THE LOTR HAS HAD BAD INFLUENCE ON ME
* KeeperX goes to the south and kills some dark skinned people wielding scimitars
#54793 +(222)- [X]
(rooster): So, are you hard at work
(rooster): HARD, at work
#57059 +(796)- [X]
<cgirl> Wouldn't it suck to find a dead body
<InCDeathmeister> male or female?
#59642 +(147)- [X]
<LucyFerr> ok..im blind apparently..wher the hell is brittneys nipple in that
<LucyFerr> is this one of those "Pin the nipple on the whore" games?
#69672 +(276)- [X]
<PACHUKA> I'm exempt from draft
<TonyD> PACHUKA: cuz you're borderline retarded?
<PACHUKA> tonyd: no, because I'm unfing your mother, they don't take charity workers
#82166 +(178)- [X]
<MonkeyFlippers> Anyone know the capital of Croatia?
<gho5t> who cares?
<[steev]> MonkeyFlippers; google.com does
<MonkeyFlippers> Who cares, gho5t?
<gho5t> aww did i hurt your feelings?
<gho5t> i'm sorry i care
<gho5t> let's go look together
<gho5t> i'll meet you at google
#83557 +(858)- [X]
wildcanary55: go away
wildcanary55: I'm working
xzet27: this is ur boyfriend
wildcanary55: this is your girlfriend's mother!
#118772 +(490)- [X]
<Mewten> video games are now making us nerds do things we would never do in other situations: Dance (DDR), Play an instrument (Samba de Amigo), and now, GO OUTSIDE. Pretty soon we'll be like normal people
#145594 +(579)- [X]
Drewtetz: you may be dropping rhymes, but I've tapped the zeitgeist, I smack you so hard your mom told me to "Play nice!"
Jon: you just rhymed "zeitgeist."
#154474 +(229)- [X]
#156815 +(2086)- [X]
(@Impure1NZ): Anyone else notice that 'strap on' spelt backwards is 'no parts'?
#168917 +(525)- [X]
Kirby: So like this one time I was fucking this dude in the ass and then I threw up on his back.
ZAn3Yt: I didn't now you were gay Kirby...
katchup: He isn't, that was a shakespeare quote.
#193399 +(263)- [X]
<SumGeye> I met God once.
<SumGeye> Yeah. He was on the same bus as me. He smelt like whiskey.
#237976 +(1264)- [X]
<Monga> Any of you guys ever get stuck in your chair?
<Monga> Yeah, uh, me neither.
#335266 +(987)- [X]
<lexa> anyone wanna buy some cheap tampons? 10p each
<lexa> no strings attached
#396663 +(1133)- [X]
tayla: lol, who's that pic of?
#436985 +(2185)- [X]
<Jordanis_Jackal> What's that Chewie? Han fell into the well?
#518696 +(2412)- [X]
<RustySpoon> Hahaha... I just came back from Phlanges girlfriend.
<Phloam> Wtf were you doing there? ffs man have some respect
<RustySpoon> Let\'s just say she was glad to see me
* Phlange is now afk
<RustySpoon> fuck when did he log on?
#640170 +(532)- [X]
<TheGardener[Woo]> was buying new trainers... a kid walked by and said to his dad "wow he looks like beckham", the kids dad says "put your glasses back on" :|
#658119 +(543)- [X]
<TreCool> I had the stupidest secretary ever today at the unviersity. I walked in to get my transcripts and she tells me she needs my school ID number and my first and last name. Now I'm wearing my hat that has my last name on the back of it over the Oilers symbol and I'm wearing the hat backwards so its right out there for her to see. So anyway, I give her my id number and my first name then say my last name. The secretary said "Oh cool! Just like the one on your hat! Now how do you spell that?" I was like "...". I was so tempted to bitch slap that moron.
#696388 +(2416)- [X]
<Jace> god this computer is running like a dog
<h0ax> Jace unless it is a lame dog or missing several limbs, dogs usually run pretty fast
<h0ax> I wouldnt want to race one
<Jace> god this computer is running like an elepant
<Jace> hope they run slow
<h0ax> memory is working well then?
<mole-inc> elephants are pretty fast
<ReKTeK> they can run faster than humans :P
<h0ax> why dont you say a turtle or something
<h0ax> turtles are KNOWN for being slow
<Jace> god this computer is running like a TURTLE FINE HA
<h0ax> but then.. it did beat the hare..
<Jace> god this computer is running like a hare
<h0ax> no, they're fast, usually. except against turtles.
<mole-inc> god this computer is running like a crippled ant.
<Jace> god this computer is running like a turtle unless competing against a hare in which case the computer is running like a hare
<h0ax> you know you could just say it's running slow.
<Jace> oh yeh
<Jace> could do that... i guess...
#767958 +(1452)- [X]
<Maniaman> so lets say i have a date
<Andares> Who's the lucky girl?
<Maniaman> if that date occurs between 2 dates in a single row in a database
#792106 +(1161)- [X]
<+Inca> Lydia: Why did George Bush cross the road?
<+Inca> Lydia: Because his penis was stuck in the chicken!
<+Inca> I have strange friends
<+spock1104> he fucked the chicken and didn't have an exit strategy >_>
#818078 +(1119)- [X]
<matt> Can anyone help me solve a two body problem?
<dsk> Id sink them in the ocean or feed them to pigs
<dsk> but if you do the pigs make sure to remove hair and teeth first
<matt> Umm i meant in physics...
#839758 +(627)- [X]
<gaarie> who the fuck names a lake winnipesaukee
<DX|laptop> and not the tech support kind
<ch> the casino kind
#914636 +(1179)- [X]
<Roderick> the book I am reading, You Shall Know Our Velocity!, is one of those books you can't rush
<ninda42> is the subtitle for that book But you Shall never know our Position! ?