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#326 +(1016)- [X]

[CaptHowdy] [~] $ touch /dev/genitalia
[CaptHowdy] touch: /dev/genitalia: Permission denied

#437 +(515)- [X]

<lamont-> spanish kids can speak better english than most kids on aol
<lamont-> when they're fucking three years old!

#764 +(465)- [X]

<DigDug> looks like microsoft is extending http
<DigDug> HTTP 403.9 - Access Forbidden: Too many users are connected
<DigDug> Internet Information Services
<OxOO> that must be visual http++

#1944 +(493)- [X]

<faceless> so if afro americans = niggers and middle easterners = sand niggers and asians = rice niggers what can we call canadians?
<al-x> we're snow niggers

#2895 +(353)- [X]


#4044 +(248)- [X]

<[Shinji]> Statitics say that 85% of College men mastrubate at least once per day.   Hmmm... I'm about due....  I'll be back in 10..

#5048 +(457)- [X]

<l0wkey> i used to be a freelance gynecologist

#5420 +(855)- [X]

<Psifire> I got out of the shower and put my universal studios shirt on.
<Psifire> And something occured to me.
<Vykuzich> pants?

#7636 +(355)- [X]

<@Hah|> A lot of you are way too attached to RO. If the servers go down permanently, I wonder how all of you guys would react.
<Dekar> I'm not that attached.
<Dekar> I mean sure, I love the game.. but if It went down, I would move on.
<com4> hah: i'd kill everyone.. in this room .. if the game went down.. and then i'd eat some yogurt
<com4> cuz you know yogurt tastes good. the fruit on the bottom stuff.. rocks.. and then i'd kill people

#7814 +(1003)- [X]

<[atticus]> My parents think I'm nuts. I sit on my computer most evenings laughing at the monitor. :)
<[atticus]> Then I turn it on and come here. :)

#14045 +(461)- [X]

<Rosipam> (is glad she has AOL now)
<Rosipam> ^_^
<Zack`> Rosipam?
<Rosipam> Hello.
<Zack`> When did you get AOL?
<Rosipam> A few weeks ago.
<Zack`> What did you have before that?
<Rosipam> Microsoft Internet Explorer.
<Zack`> Ah
<Zack`> What do you like about AOL?
<Rosipam> It's faster.
<Zack`> Wow.
<Zack`> What was your old Internet connection?
*** Rosipam (quickchat@=RWNRPD119P.ipt.aol.com) Quit (Connection reset by peer)

#14456 +(536)- [X]

<cix> they're outside aren't they?
<s> what is "outside"?
<cix> it's that place they show on "Discover"
<cix> I think it's near Montana.

#14904 +(111)- [X]

<drunker> whats's the microsoft.com site

#20623 +(328)- [X]

[aq] i love irc quotes
[ob0t] i hate them
[ob0t] i always end up looking like a retard

#21184 +(567)- [X]

<phoena>: I made the mistake of sending my husband to the store. He bought a case of Froot Loops.  Fourteen boxes.  I don't hate Froot Loops now, but I think I will 14 boxes from now.

#33568 +(122)- [X]

<DoctorRiff> darkNook> nope, no breast pumps in my purse
<DoctorRiff> WAIT I MEAN
<DoctorRiff> crap

#33799 +(212)- [X]

<RichiH> talking of netBSD - someone has a spare toaster to test 1.6?
<mirabile> lol toaster
<mirabile> you know them :)
<RichiH> you just wait...
<RichiH> some day they will support toasters and washing machines
<Tschechow> "a toaster can be on or off, so it has at least one bit, so netbsd should boot on it."
* RichiH 's mental eye sees a toaster's heating elements glow morse code
<mirabile> lol
<zinx> they already do, you just need the right brand
<RichiH> or it could punch the toast

#36344 +(419)- [X]

<jamesf> go to work, put your jacket over your chair and a cup of coffee next to your keyboard, then go home
<jamesf> everyone will think you're in a meeting
<jamesf> turn up again at 4, do an hour's work and then go home again
<jamesf> no-one will be any the wiser

#39553 +(1237)- [X]

#42573 +(301)- [X]

<FFGnome> I got an E-mail from someone weird who wants to protect my Domain Name.
<Hellspawn> Send them someone elses domain
<Hellspawn> tell them its already been stolen
<Hellspawn> and you will sign up if they get you it back

#47381 +(404)- [X]

<The-Virus> any C programmer here :)
<wf> yea i got a C in programming class
<wf> that count?

#49309 +(354)- [X]

<Mardom> what?

#50062 +(1004)- [X]

<brie> what i've learned from looking at porn on the internet...
<brie> 1. some girls have really strange looking tits
<ppcock> true
<Havok> 2. some chicks have dicks
<ppcock> very true
<Carrie> lol @ 2
<brie> havok i already knew that... i live on seymour st ;)
<Havok> marty knows!
<ppcock> 3. people do animals
<Havok> 4. japanese are not as polite as they seem
<brie> 4. there are personal ads for people into incest
<ppcock> hahahahaha
<brie> hahaha at Havok's 4
* ppcock gives you the $50,000
<Havok> how do personal ads for people into incest work?? a sticky note on
        the fridge??
<ppcock> hahahahaha

#56762 +(312)- [X]

<CursedBurger> i hate it when i'm watching some good porn and the entire clip's ruined because one of the guys has a mullet

#56890 +(33)- [X]

<pimpybra> christ, my computer is freezing more than a french soldier during wartime.

#57171 +(732)- [X]

<SMW> howdy Ian
<SMW> how you doin tonight?
<Ian_Sharpe> same as always
<Ian_Sharpe> still smoking
<Ian_Sharpe> drinking too
<Protector> Seems you have something against internal organs that begin with the letter "L"

#58316 +(383)- [X]

<Wilykat> I'm so goth, I pee black stuff.
<Wilykat> My goth friends say I should go see a doctor.
<Wilykat> But they are just not goth enough to understand!

#64184 +(90)- [X]

<DigiBree> my uncle once took a huge length of dental floss and i asked him what he was doin with it...and he said he was going to floss between his bum cheeks......then he went into the bathroom :/
<Rake> lol thats just fucked :P

#71561 +(223)- [X]

[hardlined] someone give me a phone number
(timmo) 867-5309
[hardlined] area code?
(timmo) 801
[hardlined] whats the name "we" should as for
(timmo) jenny
[hardlined] ;-)
[hardlined] the subscriber u have dialed is not in service

#78978 +(336)- [X]

<bliP> dammit, why can't the guys next door who don't wear shirts be chicks

#81382 +(1260)- [X]

Rimbaud: oh my god
Rimbaud: do you have half a minute?
tlaryko: yes. what?
Rimbaud: I just opened a package for the office
Rimbaud: addressed to ________(1)
Rimbaud: I thought it was toner
Rimbaud: :/
tlaryko: ?!?!?!?!?!?! :-))
Rimbaud: He's not here, thank god
Rimbaud: We're all pissing ourselves laughing
Rimbaud: I taped it back up
tlaryko: poor puggy!
Rimbaud: Seriously grim front cover too
Rimbaud: I'm disturbed
tlaryko: can i tell my sister? this is too funny
Rimbaud: sure
tlaryko: oh I had a mighty good chuckle.
Rimbaud: _______(2) was barely surprised
Rimbaud: Although she's still laughing hysterically
Rimbaud: Apparently my reaction was funny
tlaryko: what was your reaction?
Rimbaud: Before I had finished opening it, I made some comment about it probably being gay porn for _________(1)
Rimbaud: Then it was
Rimbaud: And I sort of screamed in fright
tlaryko: hehehehehehehehe

#116511 +(242)- [X]

<Fury> fappathon .. wonder if i can get that registered as a raising money thing
<Fury> "come and compete in this years annual fapathon! Raise money to help the blind!"

#120993 +(644)- [X]

<Head> if I download porn off of Kazaa
<Head> you think the RIAA can find me?
<dsbnh> yeah the RECORDING industry has huge ties for porn
<[GSF]Nitro> Head- you will be sued by Ron Jeremy
<[GSF]Nitro> actually, since his penis is a legal entity and franchise, it will be the wang that sues you
<Head> lol
<dsbnh> its actually declared a country
<dsbnh> you can recieve asylum by hiding under it
<dsbnh> it was recognized as a hero when it saved 3 children from drowning
<Head> lol
<Panz> and then cummed in there faces
<dsbnh> ....
<Panz> *Splat*
<Panz> ....
<dsbnh> why must you turn a story of heroism into a sick twisted pedophile affair

#126275 +(1161)- [X]

<EVILteddy> a couple of morman missionarys came to my door this morning
<EVILteddy> hehehe\
<Bakaneko-kun> whatd you do?
<EVILteddy> mum had a cows heart out for the cats dinner
<EVILteddy> i took it to the door and took a huge bite of it
<Bakaneko-kun> really?
<EVILteddy> yep
<EVILteddy> it tasted horrible
<EVILteddy> it was raw and bloody
<EVILteddy> they called me a heritec and ran soooo fast^_^
<EVILteddy> i was pissing my self laughing all day it was like the best thing ive ever done to a morman

#136840 +(550)- [X]

<Dock> Tristan: We understand, you're just brain damaged.
<Dock> We know you find those "things" fun, your POV is warped and it's OK.
<Dock> We'll all smile and talk behind your back.
<Tristan> OH YEAH
<Tristan> SO THERE

#138858 +(369)- [X]

<iPBS> you know
<iPBS> there were billions of virus emails traveling the net last week
<iPBS> people were complainging about getting hundreds of emails in their inbox's
<iPBS> and i didn't get a single email virus
<slightly> me neither
<iPBS> whats that say about our popularity?
<slightly> :(

#174967 +(1562)- [X]

<Morj|YeozWins> I was once driving along the freeway,and a friend through some garbage out the window, and this lady ran over it
<Morj|YeozWins> So she started chasing us
<Morj|YeozWins> So I started going like 150-180 km/h down the freeway to get away, and she followed me
<Morj|YeozWins> So I eventualyl pulled over, and she gets out of her car and runs up and goes "WHAT THE HELL, WHY WERE YOU DRIVING SO FAST YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE, I HAVE A BABY IN THE CAR YOU KNOW"

#184069 +(772)- [X]

* Spanky-G has parts of the old testament in his lungs
<Angel``> ??
<Spanky-G> I ran out of cigarette paper...

#282096 +(1017)- [X]

<skylift> I think I'm going to flip a coin to decide if I should work today
<skylift> damn
<skylift> I didn't catch it and it fell down the hot air exchange

#328236 +(652)- [X]

(@timbaker) man
(@timbaker) today
(@timbaker) me and my fiencee got in a big ass fight
(@timbaker) and almost ended things
(@timbaker) but then we got back together and i takled her into letting me watch her shave her pussy

#372853 +(398)- [X]

[RainWind] what's the point of a big pipe if you can't get any uptime?
[RainWind] that appliest to both sex and downloads mind you

#374313 +(1603)- [X]

jdayish: what do you think of bush and kerry
perfectblue_halo: the movie trailer for Aliens Versus Predator comes to mind... "Whoever wins, we lose."

#421528 +(787)- [X]

<GaronSemi> The media players of the future will -kill you- if you associate their filetypes with another program.

#475199 +(3237)- [X]

<Korras> friendship among women: one doesn't come home one night, and tells her bf that she spent the night with a female friend of hers. bf calls 10 of her friends, and none know a thing.
<Korras> friendship amongst men: same thing happens. man says he spent the night at a friends place. gf calls 10 of his friends. 8 confirm he has been there, and the two others say he's still there.

#600242 +(624)- [X]

<mango> hey your friends are waiting for you down that hallway...
<gremlin> theres nobody there!
<mango> thats right.. you have no friends

#639555 +(3485)- [X]

* @darklyndsea claws bizarre's eyes out
<@Bizarre> (

#693037 +(1223)- [X]

ChaosPid: She was already mad at me and she yelled "I'm gonna kill you"
ChaosPid: and I responded....
ChaosPid: "This is wierd, I swear to god I just heard you offer to make me a cake, but the words didnt match up with your lips at all........but chocolate, I suppose."
Curt: What'd she do?
ChaosPid: She looked like she was gonna die... left the room and then came back a few minutes later.... in a rage.
Curt: LOL.
ChaosPid: I then told her she shouldnt have left, if she wanted to go to the store to buy ingredients, she knew she would need a man to drive her to the store, and then I called her silly.

#696997 +(2667)- [X]

<Goat25> what is the volume of a pizza of radius z and thickness a ?
<Goat25> answer: pi z z a

#727509 +(1291)- [X]

<karrde> i asked Windows to delete 36 000 files from a directory, and i ve already waited for 15 minutes and nothing resultes...
<LoL> it is preparing 36 000 "are you sure?" windows

#829456 +(3426)- [X]

<TB>  I was depressed last night so I called the Suicide Life Line.
<TB>  I reached a call center in Pakistan.
<TB>  I told them I was suicidal.
<TB>  They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck

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