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#1057 +(2196)- [X]

(MoLaUstEr) They call it PMS because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.

#2203 +(914)- [X]

<kritical> the doctor made me piss in a cup and i had wacked off like an hour earlier...he then walks in and tells me i need to cut back a bit on masturbating..im like, "WTF"

#3079 +(594)- [X]

<DAL9000> being alone sucks... i want to stab someone in the eye, but alas, noone is there.

#3389 +(480)- [X]

<Ad0> anyone got monsters inc?
<Ad0> my gf wants to see it
<Idler> Ad0: No, but I got a monster in my pants
<Idler> and I bet your girlfriend wants to see that

#3658 +(369)- [X]

* auslandr pokes lint in the eye
<EigenLint> no poking.
* auslandr stabs lint in the eye
<auslandr> better?

#4680 +(7243)- [X]

<Raize> can you guys see what I type?
<vecna> no, raize
<Raize> How do I set it up so you can see it?

#5592 +(197)- [X]

<bytraper> you idiots!!!
<Synoptica> yeah i confess

#7885 +(1578)- [X]

<Halcr0> If I had a knife, I'd shoot you

#8305 +(1372)- [X]

<Saber> just when I manage to convince myself I'm a superior being, I walk into a door

#8330 +(341)- [X]

<AgntBukk> I played grand theft auto 3 the other day.
<spacetwin> how was it!
<AgntBukk> I beat up some chick.
<AgntBukk> and then I kicked her repeatedly in the head until she died.
<spacetwin> haha
<AgntBukk> so, all in all, I was happy with the experience.

#14466 +(317)- [X]

<Amante> Do you guys know how many 24hr porno shops they have going down 75?
<@Breathe> 138.
<@Breathe> And you don't want to know how I know that.
<Amante> I thought I recognized your picture :)

#15099 +(178)- [X]

<DumbNewbi> I have conversations with god
<DumbNewbi> it's a little bit like talking with a sleeping Calvin Coolidge though

#15184 +(306)- [X]

(Pulse): did u know it was part of dayly life in egypt to wank
(cypheh): its part of my daily life too
(Pulse): aye
(senn): same

#16489 +(529)- [X]


#16607 +(24)- [X]

<`Tenshi> ass munch.
<ibutsu> yes, I do on occaision

#16693 +(24)- [X]

beauty_fades_stupid_ls_forever: holy crap, my mom is online!!
citygirl30_56308: lmao
cherbare36: lol
beauty_fades_stupid_ls_forever: ok...she didnt say hi to me..
beauty_fades_stupid_ls_forever: poor mom, she gets so lost when you hand her a keyboard and a mouse
soooopafox: LoL my grammy is so adorable with the puter.
beauty_fades_stupid_ls_forever: now when you hand my mom a remote, a phone and a credit card, she goes to town...
soooopafox: LoL @ QVC

#16979 +(285)- [X]

<mgt> i can't find any good porn anymore tho
<mgt> i like reading stories now
<mgt> it gets my imagination going
<mgt> the trick is getting yourself to actually believe they are true
<mgt> and not written by some fat horny star trek fan

#18459 +(36)- [X]

<Calrathan> does it have something to do with Microsoft rerouting the traffic to go through their own version of Carnivore, called Omnivore? [it eats EVERYTHING! bwhahahaha]

#22993 +(743)- [X]

* Vod recites the Mr T prayer
<Vod> Oh Baracus, who was in 'Nam, Mr. T be thy name. Thy van will come with Face and Hannibal, on Earth as it is on TV-Land.
<Vod> Give us this day, our daily milk, and pity us fools, as we pity the fools who cross us.
<Vod> Lead us not into airplanes, and deliver us from Murdock. For thine is the Mohawk and the Van, and the Gold Chains, forever, or at least until the mid-80's. Amen.

#26387 +(316)- [X]

[@Jimlad] http://am-i-pregnant.com/homeinse.shtml
[@Jimlad] uhm ok
[@Jimlad] you didn't see that.
@Jimlad quickly puts something else on his clipboard

#32508 +(465)- [X]

<Uncle_Istavan> I had some friends once but they keep leaving me
<Uncle_Istavan>You there?

#34324 +(62)- [X]

* Tak777 "Rams" DodgeGrl
(Tak777) are you built tough?
(DodgeGrl) NOO
(DodgeGrl) I am delicate like a flower
(Mavrick69) 'built tough' is Ford, not Dodge.

#36442 +(237)- [X]

<RollingBrass> hey...the us open is coming to long island
<BADGER> <RollingBrass> You want a U.S. Open?! * Rollingbrass unveils a banner of Goatse Man
<RollingBrass> TigerWoods: Now THAT'S a 19th hole!
<BADGER> RollingBrass: More like a new hazard :P
<BADGER> <Ref> In the Goatse! Shoot from where it lands or mulligan? <Tiger> MULLIGAN!!!!!!!!

#36684 +(227)- [X]

<[Banned-H]G-Daddy>no, see, do a threesome 2guys/1girl... so you have the bigger dick (gotta take a chance) and she'll ignore him.. so you can do his boyfriend with him watching :)
<Claus> woah there G!
<Isajeep> rofl
<Claus> "so you can do his boyfriend with him watching"
<Isajeep> I don't call him Gay-Daddy for nothing
<[Banned-H]G-Daddy> er.. her her her
<[Banned-H]G-Daddy> jesus... what am I thinking

#37150 +(587)- [X]

<kw> heh, got woken up with a blowjob to day.. thats a seriously nice way to wake up
<Nathan> heh
<Nathan> you sleeping at your parents again?

#39948 +(346)- [X]

<BDSChaos> i am hot
<BDSChaos> if I was male I would so be gay with myself
<BDSChaos> wait

#42551 +(478)- [X]

*** Yukanojo sets mode: +b stupid!people@everywhere
*** Renegade_R (renegade_@ has joined #help
(Yukanojo): Damn, didn't work
(Renegade_R): what?

#48293 +(198)- [X]

<[smurf]> MelowRage: you are a sick, sick, sick child
<MelowRage> I know
<[smurf]> even the name MelowRage pisses me off
<[smurf]> it tears me
<MelowRage> SCORE
<[smurf]> I am seared
<MelowRage> I was hoping it would piss someone off
<MelowRage> what with the blatant misspelling and such
<MelowRage> It was either "MelowRage" or "MellowRag"
<[smurf]> it makes me want to flip out and listen to Jazz at the same time
<MelowRage> I chose the former
<MelowRage> hehehe
<[smurf]> STOP IT
<MelowRage> like a music video of some black dude going nuts and shoving his saxophone into a guy's eyeball
<[smurf]> ..nah
<[smurf]> that's rage
<[smurf]>mellow rage would be the Micheal Jackson video where they get all ready to knife fight and then they just dance with their hands together

#50701 +(283)- [X]

<|TripleH|> Ever been fucking some 15-year-old homeless girl and the roofies wear off and she starts to wake up? Do you just keep going, or do you hit her with a toaster or something and try to knock her back out? I never know what to do.

#84086 +(114)- [X]

<OIS> jesus is a fraud
<Staunchy> well I wouldnt buy a car off him

#84108 +(191)- [X]

<KANG> hey...shut up?
<Dinjack> Oh, wait, hold on, my pizza just came, pepperoni with blow me.
<KANG> that sounds like quite a pizza
<Dinjack> You don't wanna know about the free breadsticks, then

#115462 +(318)- [X]

<@B-Spider`> you young bastage
<@B-Spider`> your balls drop yet?
<@|Qc|Cutthroat> all 3 of them
<@|Qc|Cutthroat> to my surprise

#131727 +(202)- [X]

<indigo> redhat has become a thing of its own, apart from linux
<indigo> it's the entropy of linux combined with the uselessness of a corporate product

#137362 +(304)- [X]

<KrudOnAStick> haha i read a story about a brazilian dude who married a blow up sex doll
<KrudOnAStick> his parents told him to divorce it and he killed them

#147018 +(322)- [X]

<x0b> hey
<@wrong> HI
<x0b> suh wrong
<x0b> everything alright
<x0b> or
<x0b> all wrong
<x0b> :P
<|iquid> haa haa
<|iquid> you're very funny x0b
<|iquid> painfully funny
<|iquid> I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want you to hang yourself.

#154519 +(1226)- [X]

<Video> anyone know where to get nhl 2004
<MpegMan> Best Buy
<Video> anyone know where to get FREE nhl 2004
<MpegMan> Wear baggy clothing to Best Buy

#162735 +(165)- [X]

<Aguilera> DCC Exploit Affecting 6.12
<Aguilera> Breaking News. On Oct 20, another exploit was identified which can crash even the recently released version 6.12
<Dabz> lol
<Dabz> since when did microsoft make mirc?

#171456 +(31)- [X]

<@chupa> i get my cable on the 19th which is gay
<@chupa> i don't know what i'm gonna do
<@chupa> what to d/l first
<@[TrIpLe]> movies
<@[TrIpLe]> porn movies
<@[TrIpLe]> full length porn movies

#238166 +(523)- [X]

* Lemming hands out glasses full of an unidentifiable liquid.
<Lemming> beba la sandwich!
<red_cactus> you blended a sammich?
<red_cactus> *blenderd
<red_cactus> *blendered
<red_cactus> *put a sammich in a blender

#430325 +(885)- [X]

<BOYD1981> you know, i hate it when a channel suddenly goes quiet after a debate
<BOYD1981> it's like masturbating, and when you're finally about to ejaculate you hear somebody entering the house
<BOYD1981> or walking up the stairs
<BOYD1981> so you have to put it away until later
<BOYD1981> another reason i hate it is because you never know if it's because nobody has anything to say, or somebody took what was said a little too seriously and is sitting there a bit pissed off
<BOYD1981> show me an argument/debate/disagreement i haven't seen before and maybe, just maybe i might get a little pissed off
<BOYD1981> i'm more likely to get pissed off by something pissing me off
<BOYD1981> like developer and publisher and hellotomyfriendsandfamilyer logo animations before a game loads
<BOYD1981> and it even gets on my nerves before a movie
<BOYD1981> especially if it's on a dvd that won't let you skip it or go straight to the menu
<BOYD1981> to me that's propaganda, it's forcing you do watch something you don't want to
<BOYD1981> ofcourse you can't put your hands over your ears and close your eyes, because then you might miss the start of the movie, accidentally hit the skip back button instead of rewind and force yourself into being forced to watch the logos again
<BOYD1981> or you could watch the movie once, time how long it takes for the menu to appear or the movie to start, then turn around and face a clock, put your hands over your ears and count the seconds
<BOYD1981> but then if somebody walks in on you they'll wonder why you're ignoring what the clock is trying to tell you that's preventing you from watching the movie
<BOYD1981> so it's either watching something you're against, or having people think you talk to clocks
<BOYD1981> ofcourse you could do the same counting method, but turn the tv on to a different channel for a certain amount of time
<BOYD1981> but then somebody might walk in just as soon as you change the channel and think you were watching porn or the mobo awards or something like that
<BOYD1981> or, you could do the same but with the tv off
<BOYD1981> but then if somebody walks in and sees you sitting there with the dvd player running, the tv off and you with the remote in your hand that you've forgotten which button turns the tv on

#589901 +(476)- [X]

<TomskE`away> omg best thing ever
<TomskE`away> if u get pulled over by like highway cops
<TomskE`away> you go " i bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the highway cops ball"
<TomskE`away> so they go
<TomskE`away> "highway cops dont have balls"

#655706 +(1122)- [X]

<AwwJeah> I want to fill a super soaker with cheap vodka and spray down other drivers.
<AwwJeah> Then call the police and tell them I think they're driving drunk.
<AwwJeah> Because, seriously, who would believe that story?

#660278 +(725)- [X]

<Ethereal Souls> it gave me the "explorer.exe has generated errors"
<Ethereal Souls> BUT IT'S OK
<Ethereal Souls> An error log was created
<Ethereal Souls> which will be in Hex and tell me EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW
<Frag> Because, of course, you know EXACTLY what Windows stores in memory slot E35BA9564F
<Ethereal Souls> yeah
<Ethereal Souls> that's the line about it buttfucking me

#662266 +(968)- [X]

<rebb> chinese websites scare me :| ??????????????????????????? ??????? ? ????????????? ???????? ? ????????? Click ! ?????? ? ???? ? ???? ?
<voodoochopstiks> so many questions, so few answers

#704110 +(1249)- [X]

BluECliQ: believing that Mcafee is going to protect you from hackers and viruses is exactly like believing that republicans can actually protect you from terrorists

#733939 +(547)- [X]

<geckosenator> my new approach to optimizing is comment random lines of code out and check speed and verify the results are still correct

#745385 +(899)- [X]

<@Sadist> http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/ef/Age_of_Consent.png
<@Sadist> data for age of consent all around the world.
<Dano> Is that in your bookmarks?
<@Sadist> its my home page

#799370 +(1125)- [X]

<@Phil> Hey, not saying your vagina isn't mighty. I mean, people LOVE the grand canyon...
<@Squash> Well guys like it when they can go in deep.
<@Phil> Yeah, but not when they'll fall in and die.

#844354 +(441)- [X]

<MrNonchalant> she dumped me in the worst way possible
<MrNonchalant> Facebook defriend and status change
<MrNonchalant> one day you're in love with a girl who loves you, you have a romantic dinner, and you have a really nice moment together
<MrNonchalant> two days later you type her name in Facebook search and it doesn't autocomplete
<MrNonchalant> it doesn't autocomplete!

#961783 +(142)- [X]

<Joe> my friend told me to google kurea hasumi
<Joe> and I did
<Joe> that was a mistake
<Denwa> Don't like jav's, Joe?
<Joe> no, by mistake I mean I have 27 active torrents running now

0.0767 21064 quotes approved; 339 quotes pending
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