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#751 +(1065)- [X]

[reidman   ) why is there an ad for Windows Media Player on the Apple Quicktime site??
[|Dan|     ) god only knows why
[|Dan|     ) and he's laughing

#1352 +(1026)- [X]

<CyberThor> HIDE THE SHIT, SHARKEY'S HERE!
* Silkenray throws a blanket over Thor
* CyberThor is soothed by the calming, womb-like combination of warm and dark

#7090 +(284)- [X]

<CrashCat> I could never place a personal ad.  I would live on p0rn and irc before I got that far.  oh wait

#8464 +(222)- [X]

<jamesm> what's a java strategy?
<undrewb> jamesm : its a paradigm shift to e-leverage your legacy OLTP system to implement pervasive business systems
<jamesm> is it like a builder with a 'brick strategy' ?

#8501 +(326)- [X]

<cactoid> you love the Colonel
<cactoid> I like KFC chippies
<cactoid> and zinger burgers
<cactoid> the rest tastes ok while you're eating it but it's just fucking gross greasy fried vermin
<Bayls> Yeah, the chips are ace.
<Bayls> The actual chicken pieces are shit.
<Bayls> You may as well sculpt some lard into a shape the looks like a drumstick, then coat it with butter. Then roll it in lard, then melt fat onto it, then fry it in animal fat, dip it in lard then eat it.
<Bayls> I think 10 out of the 11 secrec "herbs and spices" are "lard".
<Bayls> Mmmm, making me hungry. Might go get a 21 piece bucket. :)
*** Signoff: Bayls

#8650 +(50)- [X]

<gallagher> why the fuck do my fingers smell like something i have never smelled before
<gallagher> and it smells horrible

#14431 +(244)- [X]

<antix> im bored
<antix> i think i might go mod my toilet
<Shady> what are you going to do? :S
<antix> i think i might add some little flashin lights so i can read the paper in the dark...

#17945 +(373)- [X]

<Iggz> screw it
<Iggz> i'm gonna put this cottage cheese on my sandwhich
<Iggz> and no ones gonna stop me

#20058 +(120)- [X]

<Atom> im racist against leprachans
<Prozzy> Yah, that's why you can never pick up Leprachans at a bar. "So honey, wanna go on back to my place?" "BITCH AINT GIVING UP MY LUCKY CHARMS THAT EASY!"
<Atom> i bet people in ireland call genital warts "lucky charms"

#22450 +(116)- [X]

<kolby> shit I'm sick, just got out of the hospital
<Scofco> You ok?
<kolby> Yea but Ball Reduction surgery is no cup of tea

#23463 +(229)- [X]

<@dos622> apparntly back in the 70s they called cock tube steak
<AppleRuly> ahh
<@dos622> but in the 50s tube steak was hot dog
<@dos622> as in the food
<AppleRuly> my grandma was rofl
<@dos622> what?
<AppleRuly> i told her the tube steak thing and she goes "you're dirty"
<AppleRuly> i just said do you like tube steak
<AppleRuly> and she goes "you're dirty"
<@dos622> lol

#26638 +(827)- [X]

<greenocide> Had to give report over censorship today.
<greenocide> So I put in a pr0n vid and they made me turn it off.
<OniSlave> Did u get an A?
<greenocide> I hope so, cause they kept the video.  Asshole teachers are probably wanking it right now.

#33594 +(292)- [X]

<Dru> been going strong for like 20 minutes
<Velcro_> the viagra's helping eh?
<Dru> yeah like i need drugs to keep a constant hard on
<Quorthy> viagra is for ppl without usenet access
<Quorthy> & usenet is for ppl without vagina access

#40928 +(253)- [X]

<dingo> so i was talking to k-ron on the phone, telling him about that cop talking shit aobut 'distribution', and he says 'bullshit'!
<dingo> and in the background i hear his sister bitching at him for swearing
<dingo> so he says "shut up, mom says 'shit' all the time!"
<dingo> and her retort is: 'yeah, but you said the WHOLE word!'

#44262 +(320)- [X]

Dervish: I want boxer shorts that have text " Geek inside" in the front =)
plan-9: why? noone will ever see that

#44562 +(272)- [X]

<tak> you are like a huggies diaper.. always on someones ass, and constantly full of shit

#44806 +(10)- [X]

<Derian> Guys, I'll be back in a few minutes. My bedroom's on fire.
<Bryan_Clark> I don't know what's worse... the fact that it's on fire, or the fact that she actually took the time to *tell* us that it's on fire.....

#46179 +(184)- [X]

<GBD> I like you, I like you a lot.
<Judge> dude, we have never meant, how can you like me?
<GBD> I don't know.  I just have no real friends, so I thought maybe you and I could be friends.

#49507 +(160)- [X]

<wabbit> wanna know something funny dave?
<wabbit> about nora
<wabbit> +d
<wabbit> and what the spend money on?
<wabbit> +y
* |Dave hands wabbit the manual for his keyboard.

#49589 +(46)- [X]

* Neu[Mann] has a life but can't wait to get the upgrade!

#49797 +(1175)- [X]

<frenzaldude> I can't believe that around 60% dont want an XBox!
<frenzaldude> I couldn't wait to get mine. XBox is the best gaming console of all time, even look at the stats: http://www.xbox365.com/xp_consoles.shtml
<Flashman> To quote www.maddox.xmission.com, "Saying the Xbox is a good system because it's powerful is like saying you made a great painting because you used the best set of paints."
<frenzaldude> not really, coz u might be a crap painter
<frenzaldude> anyway xbox has the best graphics and stuf, and u can put it onto the internet!!! thats my fav feature

#50932 +(389)- [X]

*** Joins: Canadianpirate (java@=YEpe33-53-450-851.om.om.cox.net)
<@Oshi> Eyarrr, eh?

#71349 +(366)- [X]

<@Dave> a hooker that doesn't charge upfront is known as "a girlfriend"

#74191 +(336)- [X]

<[ _Bender_ ]> Guys, I've a copy of Norton AntiVirus 2002... Can I still install that this year?

#74836 +(346)- [X]

<_L_E_S_T_A_T_> i got a question for all u horney people out there......wuts the best thing a guy can say after sex?
<fatbastard_> be right back
* fatbastard_ has left #the=channel

#75220 +(130)- [X]

<Krizzz989> The Screensavers on techtv said so and their word is final, sorry

#75327 +(609)- [X]

<Kahran> I need to start passing judgement with an ironfist
<HellmasteR> yes
<Preachidus> it works for me.
<HellmasteR> be all like YOU THERE, OBEY THE FIST
<HellmasteR> and if they dont, fist them good
<HellmasteR> wow, that came out badly

#80426 +(146)- [X]

<Deim0s|1980> Argghh. You don't wanna know what I just did. And for the sake of my reputation, I ain't gonna tell ya. Ever.

#82086 +(108)- [X]

* Giga is now known as Giga|AFK
<Giga|AFK> I think zucchini gives me gas.
<xhg> Giga|AFK maybe you shouldn't eat
<Giga|AFK> But I love farting and pissing my sister off.  It gets her off the computer.
<Giga|AFK> Did I mention zucchini was my favorite food?

#83276 +(181)- [X]

<Slinky3> i made bricks today!
<Slinky3> with my own home-ground flour!
<Apollo> I made some too, but I flushed them when I was finished

#90174 +(919)- [X]

< hunterr83> my penis is this big: 8========================================================D
< Pokute> That's fewer than 6 inches on my screen, man.
< Pokute> and your balls are tiny
< Pokute> I don't even know what's going on with your head, there.
< Pokute> It's all out of proportion
< Pokute> you should see a doctor

#100781 +(101)- [X]

<Alter_Legiones> don't ya just hate it, when you try to find a rom. then you click on a link that you think takes you to a rom site, but is loaded with porn ads, and when the thing opens, the first thing you hear is "I WANT TO SUCK YOUR LONG COCK!* while your mom is in the room >_<

#105932 +(673)- [X]

<DreamStiller> whats the advantage of php compared to servers like geocities?
<DrDoug> Well, php is a server side scripting language and geocities is just a steaming pile of shit.

#106633 +(288)- [X]

<Mach17> Google: your number one source of not sounding retarded.

#117682 +(230)- [X]

<Terra> there i was at a donkey stall, there was a sign there saying in english : would u like to ride on your own ass?
<Terra> so i was like ??
<UPC_Nemo> Like?
<UPC_Nemo> Did you ride the badass assride?
<zuhrich_> lol

#120159 +(401)- [X]

<Bayls> Kaff - can you stop changing your nick. My notify list is about 98MB now, since I simply must know the nanosecond you come online.
<Kaffy> bayls, thats FUNNY considering you never talk to me :(
<Kaffy> and dammit, i miss you so much when you're not here. or soemthing.
<Bayls> Kaffy - Sadly, that's true. However, I find enough solace staring doefully out the window into the night, illuminated only by the soft haze of my monitor, thinking of you and humming "Soooommeewhere ouuuut theeere..."
<Bayls> Then I load up the vast gallery of porn, all carefully edited to include your head with the tampons stuck up your nose on each body, have a brisk pull, then fall into a restful sleep, my own manpaste hardening to a flaky crust as I slumber.
<Kaffy> aww how romantic *sniff*

#176068 +(229)- [X]

<sekira> it was like 4 PM and my friends grandma msg'd him on aim
<sekira> and she asked if he was still busy doing his homework.
<sekira> I was really bored, so I went on his comp and said "wtf?" and she replied: "wait til five?"

#189605 +(2636)- [X]

<sjh> I'm bored, someone entertain me.
* GeminiGirl hands sjh a pretty girl to play with
<sjh> What's her name?
<GeminiGIrl> candy
<sjh> Candy is a sluts name.
<GeminiGirl> um... natalie then
<sjh> I only know one Natalie, and she's a stupid bitch
<GeminiGirl> :/ my name is natalie
<sjh> Yeah, I know. You're the only Natalie I know.

#196258 +(1439)- [X]

<MakoClause> shit
<MakoClause> i am so dead
<MakoClause> there is this huge dent in our christmas ham
<MakoClause> where i decided to liberate some of it for a sandwhich
<MakoClause> but i liberated too much
<Zappy-Holidays> dude
<Zappy-Holidays> ham raeper
<Zappy-Holidays> where are your morals
<Zappy-Holidays> I know why you really carved out a little bit
<Zappy-Holidays> *nudge* *nudge*
<Zappy-Holidays> *wink* *wink*
<MakoClause> dude
<MakoClause> i didn't fuck the ham
<Zappy-Holidays> U FUCKED THE HAM
<Zappy-Holidays> HAM FUCKER
<MakoClause> I DID NOT FUCK THE HAM!
<Zappy-Holidays> UR FAMILY WILL EAT YOUR SEAMEN

#234201 +(1384)- [X]

<JerZgirl> damn i wish my husband would quit cruising around looking for access points and come home already!
<Demon> Back when I was a kid, we just called them `girls'.
<digia> lmao

#283819 +(1024)- [X]

<ic3n3t> there is a bunch of girls playing soccer in the park
<uberartsyboi> im coming over.
<ic3n3t> i think they are 15
<ic3n3t> pedophile!
<uberartsyboi> im shaving the goatee then coming over.
<ic3n3t> i'll get the lawn chairs

#341298 +(740)- [X]

<Raven> YOU LIAR ENJOI
<Raven> gayanal.com not a warez!

#348528 +(315)- [X]

<sd> my mom got pissed at me today
<sd> I was wearing the "the axe effect" and it must have turned her on, because she told me to leave the room and stay away from her =/

#348790 +(580)- [X]

<DisgruntledBadger> Why do they call it tourist season if we can't shoot them?

#441963 +(256)- [X]

<Raab> How's Half Life 2 treating you?
<Ashpolt> I would say like a woman
<Ashpolt> but women hate me

#449156 +(1016)- [X]

<Kali-I> I'm so 1336!

#561914 +(1186)- [X]

<DJnerate> I saw the epitome of laziness today
<DJnerate> there was this family at the mall, they were pretty overweight
<DJnerate> they were headed for the escalator but maintenance had shut it down for the day
<DJnerate> and the mother exclaims, "Oh no, how are we gonna get down?"
<DJnerate> i was laughing my ass off watching them trying to figure it out

#631598 +(1341)- [X]

<DooMGoaT> OMG
<DooMGoaT> SQUASH THE SPIDER AND WIN AN XBOX 360!
<DooMGoaT> shame none of the 360 games are as good as the spider squashy banner

#638398 +(1640)- [X]

<blehnus>In my experiece, any attempt to make any system idiot proof will only challenge God to make a better idiot

#642195 +(9665)- [X]

sweet17: Hi
bloodninja: hello
bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
bloodninja: look Iím sorry. Iím just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
bloodninja: No. Iím in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
bloodninja: Donít fucking laugh at me!
bloodninja: This shit is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a fucking break
bloodninja: Iím serious.
sweet17: I donít get it
bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
bloodninja: Iím wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
bloodninja: Itís kindof embarrasing.
bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are fucking sick.
bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
bloodninja: so I know you arenít one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: Iím not a cop i told you
bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
bloodninja: Hurry up.
bloodninja: Are you there?
bloodninja: fuck you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninja: Werenít you!?
sweet17: thats not it
bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I donít want to send you the picture cause Iím not pretty
bloodninja: Most cops arenít
sweet17: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKSHIT!
bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. Whatís your e-mail?
bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
bloodninja: Hold on. Iím looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: Iíve lost weight since then.
bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. Iím not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17: yes
bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isnít you.
bloodninja: Iíll be damned if it ainít!
sweet17: You donít look like that.
bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guyÖ.
bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go fuck yourself
bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninja: Now my unit wonít get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldnít have sent you that picture.
sweet17: Youíve done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesnít hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I canít believe that cops are after you
bloodninja: I canít believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: FUCK YOU!!!
bloodninja: Youíd break both of his legs.
sweet17: Youíre a fucking wanker!
sweet17: Iíve been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you donít even know me
bloodninja: Ok. Iím sorry.
sweet17: No you arenít
bloodninja: Youíre right. Iím not.
bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17: Iím done with you
bloodninja: Aww. Iím sorry.
sweet17: Iím putting you on ignore
bloodninja: Wait a sec
bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
bloodninja: Iíll eat your kitty
sweet17: Youíll what?
bloodninja: You heard me.
bloodninja: I said Iíd eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldnít get it hard after seeing my picture
bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: Iíd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
bloodninja: Well Iím not like most men.
bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I donít know
bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: Iím afraid to
bloodninja: Why?
sweet17: cause
bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17: doesnít that seem strange to you?
bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
bloodninja: Fine. I wonít do it if you donít want me to
sweet17: I didnít say that
bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
bloodninja: When I start to go limpÖ you say ďHARRRR!!!Ē
bloodninja: ok?
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You canít be serious
bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
bloodninja: Itís my fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
bloodninja: Then youíll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth cunt.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
bloodninja: uh oh Ögoing limp.
sweet17: Har
bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I fuck harder
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
bloodninja: Östill limp
bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninja: And turn you into a fucking candy appleÖ
bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17: FUCK YOU DICKHEAD!!
bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabinÖ
bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
bloodninja: Ögoing limp again.
bloodninja: Hello?
bloodninja: Say it!
bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

0.0727 21085 quotes approved; 468 quotes pending
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