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#765 +(1052)- [X]

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the
only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
                -- Wernher von Braun

#1749 +(317)- [X]

<timmo> what music should i download tonight
<timmo> oh shit
<timmo> i think im missing the carebears;[
<c-rOCK> CAREBEARS IS STILL ON?
<c-rOCK> NO WAY WHAT CHAN
<timmo> toon disney
<c-rOCK> dude I loved that show

#3736 +(184)- [X]

<Alexander> see, shift, when you said you got a laptop, I automatically assumed 'dance'

#3774 +(546)- [X]

<MrP-> that 40 days and 40 nights movie pisses me off... ohh can he go 40 days without sex? try 19 years!!!
<ine> i think there is an additional restriction regarding masturbation as well, MrP-
<kalani> LOL
<SprSamat> hrmm
<MrP-> oh

#3991 +(369)- [X]

<DAEMON> marked by circumcision
<DAEMON> hm, that sounds like a Steven Segal movie

#5525 +(175)- [X]

<illz> i just got a text message on my phone
<illz> "Im playing w/ my clit hehe.."

#9227 +(381)- [X]

<DJ> apparently, a friend of mine has split with his g/f "for a couple of mouths"
<DJ> im assuming thats a typo

#10912 +(187)- [X]

<Random> Yes. Your testicles, if not stopped, will slaughter the hapless opposition.

#11053 +(129)- [X]

<L33t_Hax0r[no_job]> hey, i (illegdibly) wrote a pretty damn good essay in class today, with no grammarical/spelling errors to be seen
<Mr_X> CHOKE ON YOUR LIES
<L33t_Hax0r[no_job]> Mr_X : when i type i fucking spell and wahtever all fucking bad cuz i dont give a fuck'
<Mr_X> ...

#11211 +(389)- [X]

<Kitsa> dammit I hate my hotmail account
<Kitsa> I HAD 413 SPAM E-MAILS
<Kitsa> since 2:00 this morning
<Kitsa> according to them, I can make money sitting on my ass
<Kitsa> while fucking Britney Spears and taking human growth hormone

#11909 +(229)- [X]

<verb`> baby blue pumas are guy shoes?
<Twilo`> yes
<molesto> i might not know how to dress, but i know how not to invite a serial assfucking by the entire crew of an aircraft carrier
<Twilo`> baby blue isnt a girls color
<molesto> <Twilo`> baby blue isnt a girls color
<verb`> any color preceded by baby is a girl color
<molesto> i'll pretend you didn't say that
<Twilo`> dude u serious?
<molesto> any colour preceded by baby gets you on the paedophile register
<Twilo`> u stuck in the 90's?
<molesto> no i'm stuck back in the days when people that wore shoes like that didn't have anuses like exit wounds

#14162 +(34)- [X]

<Doser> put a little red bull in a saucer for the FUCKING 12 yr old divorcees outside

#15689 +(231)- [X]

<rone> OH BY THE WAY WE'RE BEING ACQUIRED.  AGAIN.
<rone> hey, at least we didn't merge with tab.net
<PetrDoubt> Yes, we did.
<PetrDoubt> Verio owns tabnet.
<rone> o fuck

#17397 +(510)- [X]

<SAMMY> i'm so fucking HAMMERINAEOAED
<SAMMY> i'm getting pototao ships
<SAMMY> chiptns
<SAMMY> fuck it
<LoRdZephyR> SHIPS
<LoRdZephyR> LOL
<LoRdZephyR> gonna go sailing?
<SAMMY> fucking chopked on a ship
<SAMMY> CHOCKING NO FUCKING SHIPS

#18493 +(203)- [X]

<nein> what unix o.s. should i install on a 486 with 7megs ram?
<nein> laptop
<A-KO> Trashcan with kernel I.7.5u-ck.5
<A-KO> :)
<nein> is that a free download?
<nein> heheh
<nein> will it run aol?

#23421 +(113)- [X]

<LuminousPath> somebody after with the main envi'-boy it has the recovery;) 
<LuminousPath> I have succeeded in confusing them all.
<LuminousPath> Now, in the confusion, I shall cause an overload in the main mIRC hub.
<LuminousPath> This will cause horendous bottlenecks, netsplits and profile colapses
<LuminousPath> In the confusion, I shall route all transmissions through Area 51.
<LuminousPath> This will overload their main servers, causing them to have a netsplit
<LuminousPath> I shall repeat this process thosands of times over...
<YusukeUrameshi> LuminousPath: you do not know much of IRC do you?

#24911 +(417)- [X]

<D4NG3R0U5> people with names describing themselves are lame
<hotgirl4u> uhh
<D4NG3R0U5> ...nm

#31291 +(329)- [X]

<Stuntman21> DRUM
<Stuntman21> You're FIRED!
<Drum-Comicking> What?
* Drum-Comicking clears out his desk
<Stuntman21> You're fired. I want you out today.
* Drum-Comicking (~Drum@dork-63960.tamqfl1.dsl-verizon.net) Quit (Quit: )
<Stuntman21> XD
<Stuntman21> Oh shit
<Stuntman21> >_<
* Project (~MasterKin@65.80.22.dork-26842) Quit (Ping timeout)
<Six|Hyper> .......
<Stuntman21> Great now everyone is going on strike! Goddamn unions!

#32803 +(22)- [X]

<Frozen-Solid> i say fuck rare, the have only made 1 game for GCN, and it's taken 5 years
<agapencs> that's true...but x-box will  have some really nice titles in 2007

#33342 +(743)- [X]

<Tre`> I have no girl
<Tre`> to give me sex
<Tre`> all I have
<Tre`> is binary and hex

#33573 +(485)- [X]

<LuciferOmega> STEPHEN HAWKING'S PRO WHEELCHAIR 2!

#36816 +(345)- [X]

<Anubis> i hate ppl that use my name and dont even know who or what anubis is
<nyLar> I bet you don't even know.
<Anubis> ya i do
<nyLar> Who is he then?
*** Anubis has quit IRC

#37315 +(835)- [X]

<Requiem> wtf r u talkin bout, i droped englsh cuz it suks
<Nolan> As shown by your crappy spelling, you probably should have stayed with it.
<Requiem> fuk u, ur all gay
*** Requiem has quit IRC (FUK U NOLIN)

#38135 +(119)- [X]

<@Crimson> Apache + FreeBSD + PHP + MySQL (or PostgreSQL I've heard) = WEB SERVER HEAVEN :)
<%djlaptop> I don't trust anything I didn't spend a lot of money on

#40271 +(405)- [X]

<luva_bd> i want a dick in my pussy
<luva_bd> oh and a puppy

#40497 +(227)- [X]

<TK-Work> Don't know if I should get 1 1,000 watt fog machine or 2 700 watt fag machines.
<Ouroboros> Whoa.
<Ouroboros> fag machines?
<Ouroboros> What do those do?
<TK-Work> bend over the trick or treaters as they come to the door

#42899 +(328)- [X]

<@Dza> i got real drunk last night, and when i woke up, there were 2 pizzas in my fridge
<@Dza> so i didnt ask questions and i been enjoying all day

#44758 +(906)- [X]

<Llarack>  You are what you eat ^_^
<Iskandor>  I AM NOT A PUSSY
<Iskandor>  >_>
<Kletian>  yeah, you're a dick.

#50782 +(18)- [X]

<F-F> Marks the end of a dialup ISP for me!!!
<F-F> and ive never bitched about UTV :P
<r0x0r> i thought you was getting AOL
<F-F> i am yeah
<F-F> but its a trial :P
<r0x0r> Your 500 free hours are not welcome here, F-F :-/
<F-F> 100 :-/
<F-F> in the usa its 1025
<F-F> here its 100
<F-F> 500.. here? haha
<F-F> No :P
<r0x0r> whatever
<r0x0r> everyone gets sick after 1 or 2 hours

#55091 +(246)- [X]

<@Megaman> All your base are belong to us
* Arrow sets mode: +b *!*Donnyku@*
* Megaman was kicked by Arrow (That joke is now 2 years, 6 months, 8 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes, and 8 seconds old. Let it die.)

#60566 +(23)- [X]

*** Cav has left #rice
*** Cav has joined #rice
<Cav> whoops
<Cav> wtf did i click then
<Narcolepsy> "wrong button"...
<Narcolepsy> It's like the 'wrong hole' error of IRC..

#62557 +(261)- [X]

<LayMon> PH33r me
<themage> AAAAHHHHHHHHH!
<LayMon> woot
<LayMon> i am pheered
* LayMon (c6c2@65.119.99.99) Quit (Read error: 54 (Connection reset by peer))
<themage> oooh, I though you said "PEER me" ... my bad

#65655 +(164)- [X]

<Tramtrist> anyone seen vaun?(fucko?)
<Tramtrist> someone post on vn and tell him to get in here pzl(plz)
<Mardom> i saw him giving sexual favors to men
<Tramtrist> k
<Tramtrist> anyone not a complete tard see him?
<Mardom> haha
<Mardom> good luck finding one of those in here
<Tramtrist> yeah ;/

#105339 +(9)- [X]

[nosebleed] the only good thing about t.a.t.u. are that theyre lesbians

#115506 +(411)- [X]

<chris> i've been to a lan-party with 130 people on the weekend
<Matthew> Cool.
<Matthew> I have the internet.
<Matthew> It's one big lan party.
<Matthew> But the difference is...
<Matthew> You can jerk off, and no one knows.
<chris> true that

#136365 +(227)- [X]

<+Jenda_away> javascript:OpenPortalContentWin(110714,%20400,%20550,%20'110714_dragracer.swf',%20'DragRacer%20v2');
<@contagious> Not sure that link is gunna werk;]
<+Jenda_away> www.javascript:OpenPortalContentWin(110714,%20400,%20550,%20'110714_dragracer.swf',%20'DragRacer%20v2');.com
<@contagious> lol
<@contagious> That one either
<+Jenda_away> hmm
<+Jenda_away> fuck you

#176068 +(225)- [X]

<sekira> it was like 4 PM and my friends grandma msg'd him on aim
<sekira> and she asked if he was still busy doing his homework.
<sekira> I was really bored, so I went on his comp and said "wtf?" and she replied: "wait til five?"

#230432 +(165)- [X]

<Kormiic> I think you should reverse one of the letters in your band logo, then you can have an official thumb in the nu-metal market.

#246432 +(530)- [X]

<kiwibonga> oh fuck
<kiwibonga> it's 5:45AM
<kiwibonga> you'd think I would have noticed since it's written next to every fucking line in this window

#414344 +(79)- [X]

* conundrum takes over bos's mind and makes him buy a mac OS9 machine instead,
* conundrum also makes bos reformat and install BOB.
<SlipperyS> M$ bob?
<conundrum> Yes, is there any other?
<SlipperyS> hehe wtf was that program for anyway?
<bos> insulting your intelligence
<SlipperyS> I thought that was what windows was for...

#601277 +(724)- [X]

<Happy_Dot> So my dad and I were reading readers digest, and there was this ad for some apocalypse book. It said "The end is near! Dont delay! This book will tell you everything you need to know! Hurry!" Then, at the bottom of the page, it says : please allow 6 to 8 weeks for delivery.

#629240 +(780)- [X]

<Varka> cds are made of pikachu skins
<Orcinus> is that why they turn to lightning in the microwave? :D
<Varka> Yes.

#639387 +(2054)- [X]

<Paine> Ah shit guys, I'm fucked.
<Criosys> ?
<Paine> I was showing my mom the way to download and watch music on the computer downstairs (yeah, illegal, sue me). Anyway, I forgot to factor in the fact that there's an option box to "Search my computer for music files".
<Criosys> and...?
<Paine> What I DIDN'T know, was that it also adds video files. So about 5 minutes ago, I walked through the living room, saw my mom and sister at the computer watching the visualisations.
<Paine> On the way back OUT of the room, the song changed, and all of a sudden, hardcore lesbian porn for my mom and sister to enjoy.
<Paine> Now they're banging on the door so I'm turning MY music way up so they can't hear my crying >_<

#680845 +(420)- [X]

<lark> shit dude im in deep shit with my gf
<Solid_Snake> What'd you do this time?
<lark> well her doctor was rude to her and I found it hilarious
<Solid_Snake> Brilliant.
<lark> hes like this young new doctor and she went in for some shit I dont remember and hes like "well  I got a prescription for you. you could just take my..capsule" motioning to his dick
<lark> she rolled her eyes and then he said "its a suppository"

#681997 +(390)- [X]

<dst> mirc is a piece of shit
<dst> I wouldn't let any of my kids use it
<dodgo> i would let my kids suck my dick, doesnt mean i'd stop everyone from it
<dodgo> i wouldn't
<doogsey> er
<dodgo> oh fuck

#702289 +(2441)- [X]

<Shadow> what the fuck
<Shadow> my moniter just went black
<Shadow> then came back on
<&Aphrodite> You're lucky
<&Aphrodite> I heard normally they never go back

#713147 +(405)- [X]

-!- lightman [~light@83.225.150.69] has joined #japan
<lightman> i must find a japanese wife
<lucke> google-san.

#795779 +(2340)- [X]

<Aoi-chan> everyone's first vi session. ^C^C^X^X^X^XquitqQ!qdammit[esc]qwertyuiopasdfghjkl;:xwhat

#826387 +(3011)- [X]

<Tscully> It's Christmas. We show up at my grandmas house. I'm 14.
<Tscully> It comes time to open the presents, she brings out this little square-shaped flat present, wrapped in christmas paper.
<Tscully> I wonder what it is, what joyous gift from grandma could be so small in volume?
<Tscully> I open it, and see the words "AOL Internet Trial CD" on the cover of a cardboard disc holder, with a 14-day AOL trial CD inside.
<Tscully> Confused, I asked her what it was.
<Tscully> She proudly proclaimed "I've bought you fourteen days of free internet!"
<Tscully> And that's why I hate christmas.

#921435 +(872)- [X]

Milamber: hopefully that will get him outa trouble
Mick: yeah because that was in the top 20 of worst wiring jobs
Mick: nothign will beat number 1
Milamber: no. 1?
Mick: ooh that was amazing
Mick: it was a corolla
Mick: painted blue and red with housepaint outside
Mick: with green wheels
Mick: inside was painted blue with rattlecans including the seats
Mick: there was rubbish and rotten food on the ground as high as the bottom of the seat
Mick: the radio was a tape player that he wanted replaced with a clarion cd tuner
Mick: tape player was held in with winnie blue cig packets, some bandaids and chewing gum
Mick: to get the old one out they had smashed the dash
Mick: it was wired up with bits of house wire and extension cords
Mick: they had hacked a hole in the firewall to run the power for the radio straight off the start motor
Mick: which the wiries were sticky taped onto the starter motor
Mick: the speakers in the back were sitting on the shelf being held in by just the force of their own magnets as it had no parcelshelf
Milamber: woooooow did you just tell him where to stick it?
Mick: I threw up from the smell in the car on the workshop floor
Mick: gene had to help me up
Mick: he called the customer who was told to go home and burn the car
Milamber: ROFL

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