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#1528 +(590)- [X]

<JDigital> We used to have this kick ass game when we were kids....
<VillainSede> Swallow the chlorine tabs?
<VillainSede> that one takes me back..

#1607 +(473)- [X]

<kidjess> If you cause me problems
<tress> u will bust a cap in me ?
<kidjess> I will chop your penis off
<tress> oh my
<kidjess> and mail it to bob
<tress> oh oh oh my
<loser`> the postage on that would be like, 2 cents

#1704 +(973)- [X]

<tress> I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

#2081 +(243)- [X]

<JDigital> How has a white girl got a brown cock? That's just weird.
<DigiGnome> YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE IT'S BEEN.

#2478 +(244)- [X]

<Mave> packetmonkey has a whole different meaning in jail :/

#3432 +(419)- [X]

<grifferz> I love vim so much
<grifferz> pets can die, women will fuck you over
<grifferz> but vim's love is pure
* ben moves away
<grifferz> vim is truly a man's best friend
* IZS calls for the men in white coats

#3969 +(123)- [X]

<blazemore> these japanese guys walked up to me and my friend and started talking to us
<blazemore> and asking which bands we like
<blazemore> so we started naming some off but they hadn't heard of any of them
<blazemore> then i'm like "uh... guns 'n roses"
<blazemore> and they're all "oh yes, we like them very much!"
<ScumDog> you should've whistled "patience" to them
<ScumDog> as a universal message of love
<ScumDog> it transcends the spoken word

#4033 +(456)- [X]

<prence> you masturbate too much if your mom has to snap your tube sock over her knee to get it in the washer

#4627 +(328)- [X]

<Ear> ARSENIC IS GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY BECAUSE IT KILLS CHILDREN.
<Khross> YES
<Ear> DEAD BABIES EQUALS PROFIT.
<Khross> LESS MINORITY KIDS = LESS WELFARE
<Khross> MORE PROFIT
<Ear> IT ALSO PROVIDES FREE BACON.
<Khross> YES, OF COURSE

#4881 +(255)- [X]

<reuben> send me a picture of you.
<{Elmo}> no scanner
<reuben> get one.
<{Elmo}> no $$
<ryano> in other words reub, you probably dont want to see her

#5501 +(277)- [X]

<maff> word to your mother.
<maff> especially on mothers day.

#5693 +(382)- [X]

<uglykaka> uhhh AF is making thongs for 6-10 yr olds
<shaan> thongs?
<pagan> ya i saw that on the news, pretty funny shit eh
<_neil> jeez
<uglykaka> thats just wrong
<_neil> that's just wrong
<shaan> shake your pre puebescent groove thing
<shaan> they should market it as a "training thong"

#5778 +(620)- [X]

<guest> u kno what rules
<guest> introducing girls to pot
<yesue> no lie
<guest> u smoke pot alone with a girl for the first time
<guest> there is a 250% chance of getting laid

#6824 +(5924)- [X]

<@Logan> I spent a minute looking at my own code by accident.
<@Logan> I was thinking "What the hell is this guy doing?"

#7009 +(26)- [X]

<`Kd> in status..that ppl talking in there not knowing we see them or something?

#9178 +(22)- [X]

<lovemebaybee'> hey guys asl?
<rafeil> she just wants to be loved, look at her screen name
<helminthes> so stick it to her.. a sharp knife that is

#12949 +(272)- [X]

<boarsai> funnily enough it took me a few minutes to realise my pen didn't have "alt + z" capabilities...

#13600 +(451)- [X]

<Mort-Hog> How do u spell Encylop(a)edia?
<Flirbnic> Insyklepudier

#13883 +(278)- [X]

<Nall> I'm so confused everytime I come in here. Either stop changing your names, or like, start cybering with me, so I fucking remember you.

#15766 +(148)- [X]

[markel(markel@i.got.shelled.at.shellyeah.org)]  do you think if you walked down the street wearing a #unixhelp shirt, someone would eventually kick your ass?

#21058 +(1552)- [X]

<vboydx7> Why the hell are all you fucking PS2 fanboy shits here?!?
*** PSXcellent was kicked by vboydx7
*** GTA43v3r was kicked by vboydx7
*** Sony RoXors was kicked by vboydx7
<Solid Sony> Hang on..!
*** Dead_Shot_Sniper was kicked by vboydx7
*** Solid Sony was kicked by vboydx7
*** Hot2trot was kicked by vboydx7
<vboydx7> Woah, wait a minute, this isn't the Gamecube forum o_O
*** Quits: vboydx7 (No route to host)

#21668 +(144)- [X]

<Disciple> i'd give head to a guy before I'd kiss him

#33901 +(160)- [X]

<Anim0> my gf would be perfect if she had breasts

#34066 +(393)- [X]

<SenorWeird> ugh. I need help
<Duckie5147> with what?
<SenorWeird> I got to the end of a page in this novel i'm reading and I hit the "page down" button on my keyboard.
<Duckie5147> hahaha
<Duckie5147> you need to read things not one the screen
<SenorWeird>  and when the page didn't turn, I got pissed and grabbed the mouse and was like where's the damn scroll bar"
<SenorWeird>  and then I realized...."you're reading a book. let the mouse go."

#34455 +(269)- [X]

Ya-leile: i either need candy or a fuck.
Dan: w00t!
Ya-leile cries
Ya-leile: and i can't find either.
Dan: *blink*
DJEuphoriK: i can be over in like half an hour
Dan: BWAHAHAHA
Ya-leile: with candy?
Ya-leile: *grin*

#34474 +(188)- [X]

<thnom> AntiVirusIRC v0.2 is now running; please type !virus to test your system
<Morphine> :))
<Morphine> !virus
<Morphine> lol
<thnom> AntiVirusIRC v0.2 is now currently checking Morphine for infected files.
<thnom> wait a bit .........
<thnom>  Morphine; AntiVirusIRC v0.2 has detected a virus, press ALT + F + C; to identify the infected file(s).
<thnom> AntiVirusIRC v0.2 was brought to you by Tw0Y3d-]
<Morphine> ?
[11:06] *** Morphine has quit IRC ((23:33:55) (@mart`db) xp is dodgy)
<thnom> rofl
[11:07] *** Morphine has joined #abjects

#34531 +(191)- [X]

<nxn> best thing to do while high is wank
<nxn> best thing to do any time is wank
<nxn> actually not when you catch your mom masterbating... but close to any time

#42859 +(11)- [X]

<CowInParachute> Hasta La Vista Baby Jesus.

#44550 +(43)- [X]

<squall999991> whats a psx
<squall999991> what the psx look like
<squall999991> hey so is the psx beter than the playstation

#50222 +(718)- [X]

<Guera> any guys wanna chat msg me
<ruggo> ok
<ruggo> how do i msg?
<Guera> i msg u
<ruggo> i don't see anything
<Guera> dubble click on my name
<ruggo> with what key?
<Guera> just left dubble click on my name
<ruggo> the left key?
<Guera> yea
<ruggo> i don't have one of those
<ruggo> the left arrow?
<Guera> the left on the mouse
<ruggo> mouse?
<ruggo> what sort of computer do you have?
<Guera> asl

#71893 +(403)- [X]

<chuffy> this is fucked
<chuffy> i left my blinds open
<chuffy> and i woke up
<chuffy> and im sunburnt

#76515 +(260)- [X]

* {JPM} is now known as {{{JPM}}}
<{{{JPM}}}> does this nick make me look fat?

#80663 +(1002)- [X]

<|CS|Lothar> but it canadian money and we all know canadian money isnt worth the paper it's printed on
<Lareonis> Kinda like American treaties?

#81157 +(193)- [X]

<Slayer> tbh i cba
<[S3E]Busy> there u go
<[S3E]Busy> an entire generation in one sentence
<Slayer> two abbrivs in one sentance im good
<[S3E]Busy> i think we have different outlooks on life
<Slayer> notice i abbrieviated abbrieviate
<[S3E]Busy> *sigh*

#106186 +(227)- [X]

[WaRe-WoLf] you know i gotta find a girl, get her pregnant so i can have a kid to dig around with those cables behind the tv

#107173 +(299)- [X]

<Rogue> You can have quit messages?
<Rogue> I always try and rejoin real fast to read it but i always miss it
<Rogue> Im getting closer

#168269 +(17)- [X]

<Arran> brb, loo.
<Stirfry_Ninja> arran is anally retentive
<aussie_singh> :p
<Stirfry_Ninja> :D
<EvoX> he rents his anus??!!

#215638 +(1434)- [X]

<rosonowski> Hah! I love slashdot sometimes.
<rosonowski> You know the old manta "Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity?"
<rosonowski> Someone replied to it "If you know of a better way to make more virgins, I'd like to hear it."

#238812 +(753)- [X]

<raindog> I'll ring you when I head out...
<morgamic> <3
<raindog> lol
<morgamic> want me to pick you up?
<raindog> nice testicles
<morgamic> it's a heart you jackass.
<raindog> oh

#253326 +(455)- [X]

(+Clarke): i was hanging out with some friends last night, and this guy was saying how lesbian porn doesn't turn him on becuase his sister is gay
(@h0ns`b0ll0x): Not too big into lesbian porn myself.
(+Clarke): and he'd be like "oh cool, those chicks are going down on each other......and my sister's friend is sleeping over... OH GOD"

#283009 +(356)- [X]

* BldackFlag has joined #twistedmonkey
* BldackFlag changes topic to 'Once you go black you never go back.  Once you go white, that ain't right!'
* BldackFlag has left #twistedmonkey
<Nerje> I wonder if he realises he spelt his name wrong

#331963 +(829)- [X]

<Face> I worked at a compusa
<Face> People go in their knowing nothing about computers, and get had.
<AngryLlama> Face: any electronics store does this; I was in Best Buy yesterday and the guy actually felt the need to tell me "A megabyte is like a kilobyte, except really big"

#387548 +(113)- [X]

crazycougr: saw rick james died?
phaded 001: yup
crazycougr: 'natural causes'
phaded 001: wonder what chappelle is gonna do now
crazycougr: cocaine is natural isnt it?

#396157 +(206)- [X]

SmarterChild: Market data (delayed 20 minutes) provided by Reuters  
Ticker  Price  Change  Percent  Volume 
1  :-) B    26.50  +0.22   +0.84    18300
2  :-( A    22.15  -0.05   -0.23    747600
3  :-) S    38.50  +0.07   +0.18    688700
4  :-) T    14.45  +0.15   +1.05    930700
5  :-( A    22.15  -0.05   -0.23    747600
6  :-) R    43.55  +0.05   +0.11    157700
7  :-) D    64.77  +0.07   +0.11    342600

#489851 +(2158)- [X]

<vic> 128kbps is good for music, but for a shower
<vic> it's way more than you need
<Jewass> no way
<Jewass> i need to feel my cleanest
<Jewass> and we have lo-flo shower heads at my house
<Nosnam> Its not a lo-flo shower head. It's a low bandwidth shower head.
<Kurt> golden showers
<Nosnam> golden showers would be AOL
<Nosnam> A dialup shower head is one where you have to stand there for 10 minutes before the water starts coming out
<Nosnam> I use a cisco router with my shower. It's load distribution sprays my entire body at once
<Nosnam> I forgot to enable WEP encryption on my 802.11G shower... I was showering, and my neighbor joined me
<Chamuyo> I remember back in my time when you had to order your water and it got delivered in paper envelopes with stamps glued on them
<vic> that's taking it to far
<vic> gtfo

#572824 +(657)- [X]

<Rhodz> So anyway, if I get that threesome with my girl and one of her hot friends, I'll be a happy man
<Psy> Well of course you'd have to tape it
<Rhodz> I won't be taping it. What I want to do is get a director in to tape it. 3 cameras, lighting, the works.
<Psy> Awesome. I did photography last year, I could totally do that
<Rhodz> Er...do you really want to see my wang?
<Psy> Well, we could just blur it out...
<Rhodz> Sweet! Then it'll be just like Japanese porn!
<Rhodz> ...
<Rhodz> Except I won't be shitting on her.

#635424 +(77)- [X]

Scouthouse: king kong was a good movie
elcucarachaloco: an AWESOME movie
elcucarachaloco: only one better is return of the king
Scouthouse: never seen it
elcucarachaloco: awesome movie
Scouthouse: but how can he return when hes dead?

#771925 +(1666)- [X]

<COMRED> A trichinosis larva and a botfly maggot walk into a bar. The botfly maggot turns to the trichinosis larva and says "hey buddy, I heard you like pork." The trichonosis larva looks the the botfly maggot right in the spiracles and says "indeed, I encyst upon it."
<COMRED> Hahah. You get it? It's a homonymn.
<COMRED> fuck you all.

#775834 +(29)- [X]

<[Chris]> oh yeah baby, concatenate those strings... do it just like that
<neura> I'd think you'd want to insert, not concatenate...
<[Chris]> now you're just being nasty
<neura> no, nasty is noting that you'd wanna be real careful with chop and split :x
<[Chris]> as long as we aren't getting into a strlen fight

#914636 +(1148)- [X]

<Roderick> the book I am reading, You Shall Know Our Velocity!, is one of those books you can't rush
<ninda42> is the subtitle for that book But you Shall never know our Position! ?

0.0385 20961 quotes approved; 4711 quotes pending
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