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#359 +(113)- [X]

<nou> See, I can give women orgasms just by talking to them.
<Art> Hmm. It generally helps if you plug in *both* ends of an ethernet cable.

#961 +(875)- [X]

<berzerker> my girlfriend is lucky because i enjoy giving oral sex
<Ash> She likes to watch, eh, berzo?

#1125 +(217)- [X]

<`Tag> you have a lot of anger from efnet in you
<`Tag> and it shows

#2080 +(87)- [X]

<kay|oss> i am at work
<epp> hehe.. that's not the worst place to be
<epp> (if there's no airplanes around)

#5073 +(202)- [X]

<langdon> win2k is tight.
<langdon> i added all my warez ftp sites to network neighborhood

#6274 +(641)- [X]

<lunar_sothis> and he was all amazed at "how deep" i could take it... tho i wasnt at all, he was just small

#8485 +(103)- [X]

<Kaff> how festy are we talking ?
<tm> makes your armpits seem like surgical theatres

#9909 +(149)- [X]

<carl> Best file compression around: 'DEL *.*' = 100% compression

#11009 +(835)- [X]

<Mae|str0m> fuckensonofabitchdamnitalltohellfuckmedeadbastardofaprick.
<Mae|str0m> I just dropped a weight on my foot.
<Mae|str0m> FUCK.
<Mae|str0m> they should make those things lighter.

#11178 +(227)- [X]

<niles> If you use that logic, then using a completely open and unsecured network would be ok if you sealed the computer in a locked metal box, since it would deter physical attacks by baseball bats (ALL attacks are of equal value, right?). Or you could say that adding the line "WWJD" to the telnet login prompt would be a valid defense since it would lower the instance of attacks by Christians by 80%.

#11571 +(385)- [X]

<Hell_Patrol> I wish the girl of my dreams would stop fucking haunting my dreams, I wish death upon the stupid bitch

#14692 +(241)- [X]

<ShoeFlip6058>: I made this screenplay where a serial killer goes to random victims houses, goes into their bedrooms, and screams "DON'T WAKE UP" in their faces while they sleep. The wake up, see him, and they die of fright
<ShoeFlip6058>: I would cast Christopher Walken as the killer
<Claypeople>: Dude, if i saw christopher walken in person I'd die of fright
<Jenova>: He's a scary mofo

#15970 +(513)- [X]

*** Now talking in #clubsi.com
*** Topic is 'I hate Linux because it makes me type "man mount"'
*** Set by Arctil on Wed Jul 10 16:27:12

#18080 +(899)- [X]

<wombat> Bukkake is when a Mommy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy all decide that Mommy needs some special facial moisturiser

#20749 +(37)- [X]

<clairey> a blowjob is fobbing someone off half the time because you couldnt be fucked.  pardon the pun.

#21363 +(82)- [X]

<EvILEyE{GF}> I tried getting my scanner to work
<EvILEyE{GF}> stupid prick machine doesn't work with win2k
<EvILEyE{GF}> only works with linux, OSX, and pre-winME OS's (drivers)
<EvILEyE{GF}> so I tried it on my laptop and linux broke
<EvILEyE{GF}> so I tried installing win98 on it
<EvILEyE{GF}> win98 broke
<EvILEyE{GF}> it's outside on the front lawn now
<EvILEyE{GF}> I figured I could format the hard drive by throwing it out the window
<Kaown> It'd leave a footprint on the ground, but that's about all.

#27478 +(43)- [X]

<sdlkfj> ahnyone know what dedicated hosting does?  like can I run ICQ in there ?

#34510 +(836)- [X]

*** skwerrel (skwer@rn-reclta106.uwaterloo.ca) has joined #3fs
<skwerrel> wtf??
<skwerrel> is this the nap room?
<skwerrel> everyone's asleep
<skwerrel> yeah, I know what you mean...
<skwerrel> so, how's life skwerrel?
<skwerrel> meh...not bad.  Didn't do as well as I thought I would on my econ exam, but there's still two more so I'm not that worried
<skwerrel> sorry to hear it, buddy.  good luck on your other ones
<skwerrel> thanks guy
<skwerrel> wanna cyber?
<skwerrel> um..no thanks
<skwerrel> *sniff*oh...
<skwerrel> it's not you...i, uhh...have a blister on my palm
<skwerrel> sure, whatever
*** skwerrel (skwer@rn-reclta106.uwaterloo.ca) Quit (Client Exit: PH34R T3H P13)

#36296 +(348)- [X]

* inshadowhiding sets off a small sodium bomb for warmth
SeaWolf has quit irc : NETSPLIT :
Windesong has quit irc : NETSPLIT :
Rish-sims has quit irc : NETSPLIT :
Hypnos has quit irc : NETSPLIT :
Vulpine has quit irc : NETSPLIT :
<inshadowhiding> well that was efective

#37485 +(142)- [X]

<Eticam> ya know
<Eticam> something ain't right
<Eticam> right now, in 1 hour time, I'm downloading 2 hours of video/music
<Eticam> that way I never get to see/hear it all

#37619 +(620)- [X]

<DB> So, anyone have a secret to immortality they would like to share with me?
<Nidoking> Don't die.

#37997 +(259)- [X]

*** markus has been kicked off channel #rmipeople by DJTodd (DIE.)
*** markus (~wh00p@132-31-254-64.cognicase.net) has joined channel #rmipeople
<DJTodd> What would I do without /kick?
<markus> have your lunch money taken via DCC?

#38927 +(1075)- [X]

<Gemini4t> I'm going to become rich and famous some day when I design a keyboard that has spring-loaded needles hidden inside the caps lock button.
<Gemini4t> Some newbie tries to type 'WOW WUT IS UP???? LOLZ' and instead he types 'AH FUCK MY FINGERZ BLEEDIN'

#39955 +(667)- [X]

(G0th|CMaN): can anybody help me????????
(G0th|CMaN): can anybody help me????????
(HappyJoy): deja vu?
(G0th|CMaN): speak english pls i dont understand

#43243 +(791)- [X]

<+Camus> im palazed!
<+Fleebis> Palazed?
<+Fleebis> Paralyzed?
<+Camus> yea
<+Camus> close
<+Camus> kinda
<+Camus> i just type in the first letter
<+Camus> and hit a couple keys
<+Fleebis> oh, i underktnjd

#44916 +(201)- [X]

<Thamwlad> i'll attempt to disbelieve the floor

#48399 +(102)- [X]

<endura> dude "I just realized whats so kickass
<endura> my dads out of town the whole weekend 
<endura> I can walk around naked for the next 48 hours!

#60137 +(976)- [X]

<Superpig> my uncle has a celeron
<Superpig> would XP run on it, do you think?
<ravuya> about as well as a dog runs with no legs or torso
<ravuya> and with bricks tied to its head
<ravuya> at the bottom of a solid concrete pool
<ravuya> filled with dead corpses and rocks
<Superpig> so, about the same as it runs on my P4 then
<ravuya> more or less

#70312 +(1063)- [X]

<Rafa> A Pirate walks into a bar.
<Rafa>The bartender says "Hey youve got a steering wheel in your crotch."
<Malkatov> The pirate says "Arrrr its driving me nuts"

#75249 +(686)- [X]

<CyberMind> ive been programming and using computers since my old days in the womb.
<CyberMind> umbilical ethernet
<SR71Goku> how fast do you get on it?
<SR71Goku> I'd imagine at least 1gigabit/s
<CyberMind> actually quite slow.
<CyberMind> network was flooded with protein and nutrient packets.
<SR71Goku> LOL...
<SR71Goku> "Daddy once DoSed my connection..."
<CyberMind> ok im ending it right there.

#81138 +(316)- [X]

<@Lurker> live pics from baghdad on cnn
<@Lurker> nothing happening
<schitzo> nope nothing going on
<@Lurker> We should just go to an iraqi irc channel and when they ping out the war is on

#82192 +(648)- [X]

<^Spike^> I just realised
<^Spike^> These new coke cans have 'REVOLUTION!!!' written on them.
<^Spike^> DAMN COMMUNIST SOFT DRINK
<^Spike^> It also has 'You know you Want it' written on it.
<^Spike^> That's a whole lot creepier.
<^Spike^> So my can is a communist and a rapist.

#84849 +(232)- [X]

<JesterX> i wish i had anorexia
<JesterX> i could save money and buy RAM or something

#107233 +(694)- [X]

<eva> hey guys, guess what im eating right now!
<Ed> big black cocks dripping with pearly semen.
<eva> starts with a 3
<Ed> three big black cocks dripping with pearly semen.

#107296 +(26)- [X]

<Fembot> what did one "racing stripe" in jitspoe's toilet say to another one?
<Fembot> "are you alright? you look a little flushed."

#107490 +(502)- [X]

<Torke> haha, tgp couldn't score with a chick if she came right up to him and asked to suck his dick
<Torke> because
<Torke> that happened
<Torke> and he didn't score

#107755 +(172)- [X]

<prefix-> I just feel like going upto any idiotic bitch that says porn is bad and that boys will be fawked by looking at it, and just flap down my pants and slap my penis at her

#118502 +(436)- [X]

<Valqorez> I heard a strange commercial on the radio at work today....
<Valqorez> "Treat yourself to a facial and raise money for charity at the same time."
<Valqorez> I was like "What is this, a sponsored bukkake?"
<Foz> hahaha
<Valqorez> My manager gave me a long, funny look.
<Foz> lol. I didn't think many people knew that word
<Valqorez> Maybe she speaks Japanese....
<Valqorez> Odd thing was, all I could do was shrug and and say "What?"
<Foz> I know that look

#137754 +(766)- [X]

<Elfer> I remember tangie complained about only getting a $30 GC game for EASTER
<Elfer> bitch
<Elfer> Know what I got for easter?
<Elfer> nothing
<Elfer> not even chocolate or anything
<Elfer> Well, at least I didn't get crucified
<Elfer> unlike some suckers at easter

#188022 +(30)- [X]

khoveraki: anyway, Desert Storm is so blank to me
khoveraki: I don't know much about it
khoveraki: did we even finish that one?
Screamer499: Nope.
Screamer499: We stopped when we hit Baghdad
khoveraki: figures
khoveraki: any of our guys still there?
Screamer499: It's the same country we're fighting now, man.
Screamer499: so yeah.
Screamer499: A LOT of our guys are there.

#238837 +(500)- [X]

* @Falco|LAN goes to kick his sister's ass
<@pandairo> heh
<%hurricane> just beat her boyfriend up, its more satisfying
<@pandairo> isnt she too young for boyfriends?
<%hurricane> i dunno how old is she
<@Falco|LAN> she's 12
<@Falco|LAN> well
<@Falco|LAN> I couldn't get her to get off
<%hurricane>....
<%hurricane> please tell me you mean the phone or computer

#246585 +(532)- [X]

Montehall: eh 9 inches less and I would have a scar
TwitchOSX: lol
TwitchOSX: uh huh
HomeBrewR: 9" less and you'd have a 7" deep pussy

#610086 +(2526)- [X]

<hickhut> i have to write a speech on myself tomorrow
<hickhut> so gay
<mrquin27> there is a start

#666406 +(548)- [X]

<@Efrael> Funny thing about hard drives: the bigger they are, the more porn you download.
<@Efrael> After a while it seems that there was no upgrade at all.

#676664 +(302)- [X]

<cloud1> if warez is too expensive for you, maybe the internet isnt a wise investment for you either

#731734 +(3287)- [X]

<NaStyChoC> hey babe asl?
<sweetangelic> hi, 14/f/aus ^^
<NaStyChoC> ive a real big cock..
<sweetangelic> o how big??
<NaStyChoC> 9in
<sweetangelic> dats prty big, mines only 8
<NaStyChoC> ok
<NaStyChoC> wait wtf

#739693 +(437)- [X]

<altus> internet diet is shitty
<altus> cookies and spam all the time
<xoroa> yea. and the cookies are totally dubious. i mean, who would eat one that expires in 2017?

#760666 +(515)- [X]

SouLTaKeR2023: wanna hear something funny/entertaining?
MacaroniFeets: always
SouLTaKeR2023: ok well I was watching this excellent flick
SouLTaKeR2023: entitled "A girl takes two loads in the mouth, then swollows it"
SouLTaKeR2023: anyways
SouLTaKeR2023: here is why I love porn bloopers
SouLTaKeR2023: two guys
SouLTaKeR2023: done fucking this redhead
SouLTaKeR2023: they stand on either side of her
SouLTaKeR2023: ready to do whats mentioned in the title
SouLTaKeR2023: the guy does his thing and puts his cock on the side of her mouth, aiming at the opposite cheek
MacaroniFeets: oh god
SouLTaKeR2023: but when he fires....he hits the other guys cock
MacaroniFeets: OH SICK
SouLTaKeR2023: and there is this
SouLTaKeR2023: long silence
SouLTaKeR2023: and this is the entertaining part
SouLTaKeR2023: you hear the other guy mumble "goddamn, not again"
SouLTaKeR2023: take 3 anyone?
MacaroniFeets: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
MacaroniFeets: dude
MacaroniFeets: send me that video

#925461 +(600)- [X]

Draketh: I got a piercing last night
Draketh: and I don't really regret it even though it was a decision made totally under the influence
Finn: ...
Draketh: so we're sitting around another fire blowing things up since it's the 4th and drinking, I walk over and sit down and the topic is piercings so we start talking, eventually it shifts to genital piercings
Finn: ...
Draketh: I mentioned always being interested in a prince albert, and this girl that was there that was like a friend of one of my cousins friends or some shit
shes like "I work at a piercing parlor, I have all my shit in the car I can totally do that right now"
Draketh: It was legit, like steralized tools in sealed packages and everything, bowl of alcohol to soak the tools in, she wore gloves.
Draketh: It was like being at a piercing parlor
Draketh: Except I was in a big ass comfy patio chair with a bottle of Makers
Finn: I just.... I don't think I could ever let someone shove anything through my penis
Draketh: actually I think it's gonna be hilarious
Draketh: like I have no tattoo's, no other piercings and then like BAM "Suprise!"
Draketh: it's like opening the plain brown wrapped gift on Christmas, and instead of a sweater it's a new laptop
Draketh: see, the laptop is my dick
Finn: .... just.... wow

#949959 +(3428)- [X]

<DevXen> Today I was at the store and saw a Darth Vader action figure that said "Choking Hazard." It was great.

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