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#673 +(953)- [X]

<makeworld> ICQ scared the shit outta me
<makeworld> walked into my pitch dark room and hear a knocking noise, sounded
            like someone knocking on my window
<makeworld> shit

#958 +(1071)- [X]

(heck01) i sometimes dont know if i'm straight or not, then a cute girl sits down next to me and i get a huge erection and i remember

#1090 +(286)- [X]

(MC_SpEcS) huggles...who are you?
(tiko-out) the blond chick who tried to suck you off @ God Is A DJ
(tiko-out) unless you got multiple blond chicks offering that
(tiko-out) she's the one who looked like a blonde muppet

#1487 +(239)- [X]

<`TiGgEr`> fuck u need a dvd drive to rip dvd's thats what the program says
<`TiGgEr`> alls ya want is to put a rented dvd in to ripp it and watch it later but no u need the fuckn dvd drive

#1640 +(1509)- [X]

<Inoshiro> Wth
<Inoshiro> "Don't iron, don't put in a triangle, don't put in an oval"
<harb> Er?
<Inoshiro> Is there a translation table for the washing tag on clothing?

#2559 +(989)- [X]

<gb> BlackDeth: have you ever tasted your own jizz?
<BlackDeth> no
<BlackDeth> or anybody elses jizz for that matter
<BlackDeth> i've shot jizz in my eye
<BlackDeth> but i wasn't aiming
<BlackDeth> so i dont feel as bad
<gb> sure you werent
<BlackDeth> no i mean there was somebody else at the controls
<blazemore> did he apologize

#3809 +(317)- [X]

<Scofco> whenever I get a hardon
<Scofco> I pass out
<Scofco> well, I actually faint
<Scofco> because the idea of getting laid shocks me

#3846 +(386)- [X]

<d1cer> omfg
<d1cer> i just shit the bigest shit in the world
<d1cer> :/
<d1cer> it was like a fucking legg
<LivinDead> lol
<LivinDead> how big was it?
<d1cer> umm
<d1cer> k
<d1cer> hold on leme get my ruler

#5750 +(628)- [X]

<TeNcHi420> i went to this store to buy a pipe, and there was only one left, and hes all "its unbreakable" so i was like thats pretty cool, but then he starts bangin it on the tble, and im like ok stop, but he says, "no look, you can hit it how ever many times and it wont break.." on about the 7th or 8th smack on the table the thing shatters....i almost knoked his dumbass out

#6998 +(214)- [X]

<enojy> im gonna tell my parents im a father so i get a present on sunday

#7832 +(427)- [X]

* rob` pokes richard.. do an ls `yes`.  I dare you

[five minutes pass]

<phenyx> INIT: PANIC: segmentation violation at 0x40060fa1! sleeping for 30 seconds.
<phenyx> INIT: PANIC: segmentation violation at 0x40060fa1! sleeping for 30 seconds.
<phenyx> INIT: PANIC: segmentation violation at 0x40060fa1! sleeping for 30 seconds.
<phenyx> INIT: PANIC: segmentation violation at 0x40060fa1! sleeping for 30 seconds.
* rob` .. snickers madly
<Zibblsnrt> Ooh, neat
<phenyx> real funny.
<rob`> I didn't think anyone'd actually _do_ it.
<phenyx> I have enough money to drive to vancouver and kick your ass.

#8735 +(595)- [X]

<arfmcbarf> i'm gonna teach you a lesson you wont soon forget
<arfmcbarf> i.e., how to integrate ln x from 0 to infinity
<arfmcbarf> first you get the antiderivitive
<arfmcbarf> of ln(x)
<arfmcbarf> i.e., 1/x
<arfmcbarf> then i forget the rest

#8983 +(63)- [X]

<RPG> Grrr
<RPG> Whenever I need someone, they are not to be found.
<scar3crow> i must be around a lot

#10473 +(20)- [X]

<jej> i will 0wn services again.
<Toast> my /away r00t kit isn't working

#14733 +(242)- [X]

<tortoise> this channel is only big enough for one slut.....and i aint' leaving

#22778 +(177)- [X]

<Rodent> I wish I was still living at my parents... Responsibility and freedom is overrated.
<Rodent> Not having to go shopping for food is god.
<Rodent> Not having to work is Jesus.
<alisdair> not being able to bring girls home is divine

#33897 +(394)- [X]

<chikster> orion thinks im mad fine
<chikster> WOOHOO
* chikster dances around room
<orion> you need more pics
<chikster> never knew that
<orion> and i need to shave
<orion> i look like i'm 30
<chikster> i will have more when i get my camera
<maff> dont shave dude
<maff> grow an inverse fro
<chikster> lol
<arse-poet> haha
<jestuh> yeah chik i think you're pretty hot too in an don't-arrest-me way

#37466 +(677)- [X]

<Measure> haha reading about this japanese video
<Measure> girl has to survive on a few eggs and semen for a week.
<Measure> can't eat anything else
<Ravenlily> ew
<Ravenlily> i hate eggs

#37986 +(4)- [X]

<Lordy> why dont u got broadband nigga
<h2o> ?
<h2o> my connection?
<Lordy> no your hair style

#45804 +(31)- [X]

<DiamonDie> cool, this is the f&g episode where sam wants an atari.
<fizzie> misread 'f&g' as 'fag'. this is what reading bash.org does.

#47209 +(377)- [X]

<Tirlas> I remember the dream vividly... I don't know how to express it :-(
<Schroe> My suggestion is to use words and phrases in English grammatical structure.

#48730 +(365)- [X]

<Sirea> My brothers cats name is God Damned Cat and she's running around with pair of my panties in her mouth
<Leth|ASSignment> "God Damned Cat and she's running around with pair of my panties in her mouth" is a damn long name.

#50109 +(352)- [X]

<Boffbowsh> Well, i'll see if my parents would mind taking me both ways
<Boffbowsh> ...
<Boffbowsh> That sounds so wrong

#52370 +(129)- [X]

<Sandino> christ, Im pushing 30 and Ive never driven a car, I need a life application not a job one

#56600 +(320)- [X]

<Dice> I've done it
<Dice> I've made a calculate
<Dice> calculater*
<Prothe|Studying> make a spell check now

#57047 +(921)- [X]

<naet> i got my sat scores bak
<naet> 540 verball and 500 math
<naet> so thats liek 900 total
<Go> right

#74609 +(302)- [X]

<@Awt> 15 years for 3066 counts of accessory to murder? WTF
<XDice> yeh, he missed that 3,067th strike law.
<frash> hahaha

#76396 +(330)- [X]

<SA-Magic> msg nickserv identify smallpenis
<SA-Magic> oops

#76595 +(295)- [X]

<%NuttO> Yeah, kids are stupid. I open up the back of my van and say, "Hey, kid, want to see something cool?" and they always fall for it.

#81453 +(409)- [X]

<TygerinFL> Halfy... remember the house I lived in when you and Vio visited us?
<HalfNote5> Yupper!
<TygerinFL> It burned to the ground tuesday night.
<TygerinFL> the lady living in it died
<TygerinFL> guess we shouldn't have taken all the smoke detectors when we left

#82191 +(228)- [X]

onuap: good morning
bochip: morning onuap
Blitzsama: good? why does everyone assume the other guy is having a good morning?
onuap: bad morning for you then
bochip: he was wishing you a good one
bochip: for some reason
Blitzsama: i know
Blitzsama: i was wishing he would stop, as it 10 pm here
bochip: but, you would like to have a good morning tomorrow, yes?
Blitzsama: maybe...
Blitzsama: let me sleep on it.

#89303 +(529)- [X]

<Antizac> I keep my real short too so the girls dont bitch
<Shipchic80> why would girls complain about your hair being long?
<Antizac> It gets stuck in their teeth
<Shipchic80> I dont know why I bother asking anymore

#108997 +(118)- [X]

<oDDY> did u take a picture :(
<oDDY> of ur new shirt :(
<OoROng> nah
<rcg> your shirt won't be new by then
<rcg> so you can't take a picture of it
<OoROng> it'll still be semi-new :D
<OoROng> technically, i'vehad it like a month
<OoROng> but i haven't had the balls to wear it out
<rcg> what's it say?
<oDDY> ...
<OoROng> it's a fishnet shirt
<oDDY> ooo!
<oDDY> sexy X_x
<rcg> oh

#115625 +(280)- [X]

<Godspore> lmao, 3 1/2 floppy(a;) total size: 864GB, 224 objects...
<Boko> :O
<Godspore> XD thats once fuckt up bootdisc

#139597 +(268)- [X]

<pyxl> my schedule says I'm taking physics this year
<matterless> Good, it builds character.
<pyxl> your sympathy is overwhelming

#286578 +(121)- [X]

(f`CNK) so lets say im driving
(f`CNK) and sum1 yells in my fucking ear
(f`CNK) i wont lose concentration man
(f`CNK) neither would u!
(f`CNK) we are like superman
(Alchemeron) superman doesn't drive a car, you fucking idiot, he can fly

#374848 +(1116)- [X]

<Torgina> so wtf is up with mirc saying I have 7days left?
<Azathoth> It's the tape you watched.

#454774 +(928)- [X]

<Kahlzarg> Jesus dies i get chocolate.. jesus is born I get presents.. works for me..

#576018 +(1772)- [X]

Lucius: so im stuck hangin out with this emo kid
Lucius: he goes up to this hot girl and says "hey baby, what are you doing lateR?"
Lucius: she turns to him and goes "boy, i already have a pussy, i dont need another one" and walks away
Lucius: i couldnt stop laughing
Lucius: then he gets this sad look and tells me to shut up
Lucius: i calmly pull out my sharpie and draw a tear on his cheek
Lucius: he literally shrieks and runs away

#608442 +(1241)- [X]

<BoltBait> My wife saw my 7756 post count on the MOTL board and said, "you've never said that many things to me since we've been married."

#650599 +(1300)- [X]

<*> This mouse wheel is so loud I can beatbox with it.
<*> This is a skill about as far removed from "Hunter Gatherer" as it gets.

#665198 +(743)- [X]

sluissa: I feel sorry for gay people in america who are saving themselves for marriage.

#685939 +(1535)- [X]

<pmcall221> I'm wondering when Windows will work they they say it will.
<Kittyflipping> You're criticizing millions of lines of code and you can't even get one sentence right?

#713274 +(605)- [X]

<Gig> Bah, drunk students setting off the firealarm to the building, silent one too, so direct to the fire station. So we had some fireman knocking on our door trying to get us out
<Gig> and my flatmate who answered the door shouted out "Hey lads! look the stripper's here!"
<Gig> you would be surprised how fast people got out of their rooms

#727158 +(1060)- [X]

(+GamerTony) is it bad when you and your fiancee start eating the same things?
(@arfer) if it's pussy, yes

#749227 +(1416)- [X]

<denshuu> I just spent the better part of four fuck hours trying to get on IRC from campus
<denshuu> just to talk to you artards
<Desu|Away> rawsome
<whereisJ> What would you do without us?
<denshuu> graduate

#754254 +(1501)- [X]

<slifty> Your mom is so fat she sat on a binary tree and turned it into a linked list in constant time!

#757584 +(549)- [X]

<BethOOC> If it were my dad, he'd be making jokes about being hard-headed.
<BethOOC> After they amputated his toe he joked about having to learn to count in base 19
<Rach> .....
<Rach> Your dad is a dork...

#765910 +(512)- [X]

cthulhudream: come on Ben theres gotta be something we can do
||AB|| Benzin: alright I got an idea
||AB|| Benzin: I'm gonna need a pound of rohypnol, a keg, and directions to the nearest sorority house
||AB|| Benzin: and an alibi
||AB|| Benzin: cause they'll trace that shit when 30 girls don't remember what happened or why their pregnant, and all that
cthulhudream: I kinda wanna make larping weapons
||AB|| Benzin: and on the other end of the spectrum...

#838192 +(2698)- [X]

<Betty> So, wanna go see a movie tomorrow
<Sokol> NO! I toled you, i haev a girlfriend!!!

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