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#315 +(1001)- [X]

<rick^> guys does anyone know what runs on TCP 31337? - something is listening there

#1582 +(282)- [X]

<assman2> i hate getting cum on my hand
<assman2> its fucking annoying
<assman2> have to find something to wipe if off on
<mabbz> assman shoots it all over his chest and belly and then smears it around so he can pretend he's a glazed donut
<assman2> mabbz
<assman2> i cant shoot that far
<mabbz> oh so when you cum it just oozes out into your belly button?
<hydro> jesus
<assman2> i fucking hate when that happens
<hydro> this is fucking disgusting
<assman2> it happened to me once

#2151 +(528)- [X]

<Kashan> I've stuck plenty of stuff up my ass and it's never been anything but apinful
<Gayo> Kashan, there's a big difference between good anal sex and sticking things up your ass.

#4745 +(1054)- [X]

<timmo> wtf is sunburn
<Amanda`> Are you serious?
<timmo> yes

#5874 +(830)- [X]

<Synoptica> having some major sound issues with gta
<Synoptica> cant think of why either
<bytraper> prolly because your gay
<Synoptica> yeah that's right
<Synoptica> gta has detected that i'm gay and adjusted it's performance accordingly

#7829 +(211)- [X]

<rob`> o/` Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord o/`
<JakeStone> rob:  Religious pr0n?
­ Kaijin can't come up with a next verse that s pronlike and scans.
<JakeStone> o/~ He was hammering the women hard and now they are quite sore o/~
­ Alaric can't remember enough of the Battle Hymn of the Republic to filk it
<rob`> o/` he hath loosed the fateful lightning of his terrible swift sword o/`
<rob`> I think the lyrics filk themselves. :)

#8437 +(18)- [X]

<Medrawt> I almost always get laid when I've given up looking for a root. Fact.
<Medrawt> I think girls can smell desperation
<drewb> no, they can smell your cheap aftershave
<drewb> when you stop wearing the shit aftershave, they can tolerate you
<Medrawt> No they can't, I wear none
<thrase> If you weren't such an arrogant git drewb, you'd probably pass as funny
* Medrawt relies on pheremones
<drewb> if you werent such a fuck up thrase, youd probably pass as human

#8600 +(16)- [X]

<Wickedstar> so i saw bastard mcfuckhead today
<Wickedstar> i decided it wasn't really worth getting into it
<Wickedstar> and it will make it so much better when she eats his soul
<Wickedstar> on that note, i have to go eat dinner

#9496 +(113)- [X]

<@[DO]-Fury-SLeep> fuck yes 
<@[DO]-Fury-SLeep> my ace of base is done downloading

#10512 +(404)- [X]

<cj_> this guy is selling STEAKS door to door
<jej> SWEET.
<cj_> he's hella pushy too.
<jej> BUY MY STEAK!
<cj_> he's giving her his cellphone number
<cj_> he actually brought stake with him to show her
<jej> LOOK AT MY STEAK!
<cj_> he's showing her each piece of meat now
<spides> ahaha
<spides> Door to Door Meat
<spides> maybe he's propositioning her in some weird fetishy way
<cj_> this guy is a freak
<cj_> if i had answered the door he woulda been gone about 10 minutes ago
<cj_> who the hell does door-to-door at 8:30
<spides> who the fuck sells steak door to door
<cj_> good fucking question. this guy might be a  nut

#10606 +(487)- [X]

<Gr1nR> I tell girls...\"I need a file - but its stuck in this archive named PANTS.ZIP - what should I do???\"

#15507 +(302)- [X]

<treaps> i've always wanted to try taking diezepam and trying to do math or program computers
<rdgzt> What's diezepam?
<treaps> muscle relaxer/antianxiety drug
<treaps> it's a class IV drug on this chart
<rdgzt> It makes you shit your pants and not worry about it?

#30045 +(205)- [X]

<Grim> <chikster> fuck a pole
<Grim> *** [#geekissues] No users matching *.pl found on channel.

#31867 +(720)- [X]

<%pain> let's do some al quida jokes. anyone? /:
< baggy>  well has anyone ever noticed that The War Against Terrorism is never abbreviated as TWAT ?

#33557 +(38)- [X]

<pmitros> In Europe, is the convention 100C or 100 [little 0 degree symbol] C for expressing temperature?
<st2> pmitros: That can lead to a lot of confusion
<pmitros> st2: What do you mean?
<st2> pmitros: "Bake your turkey at 800C for 20min"
* RelDrgn notes that nobody bakes turkey at 800dF either :P
<pmitros> st2: I'm wondering if you include the little superscript o. No. It'd be a little bit cooler.
<pmitros> In LaTeX format, is it 100C or 100^oC?
<st2> 100$^o$C
<TigerSun> I'd bake Cyprus ar 2000C

#33687 +(337)- [X]

<tamasutra> someone earlier today thought i was 16
<_Mage_> Is that insulting or a compliment?
<tamasutra> nah, i take it as a compliment
<tamasutra> i don't mind looking young at all
<tamasutra> especially given the business i'm in
<_Mage_> er...

#34540 +(-1)- [X]

this is from #guitar on DALnet, G/F is a guitar chord for all you who may not know.

<Cosmorpheus> he
<Cosmorpheus> y
<crudelydrawnspiral> well said cosmo
<Cosmorpheus> fingering for a G/F anyone?
<AussieAusbourne> i finger my girlfriend
<washcloth-nj> pull her panties down, thats number
<washcloth-nj> 1
<Cosmorpheus> funny

#47464 +(595)- [X]

(MolsonCanadian) http://www.cnn.com/2002/EDUCATION/11/20/geography.quiz/index.html
(TheOneShamrock) 70 percent cannot find New Jersey, 49 percent cannot find New York, 11 percent cannot find the United States  <--- THOSE are the scary ones!
(anticimex) ROFL doesn't the US have schools?
(anticimex) Only 71% can find the pacific ocean!
(Moik) Lord save us if THAT'S the Protector of the Free World.
(Moik) "Quick, they need our help guarding freedom in Malaysia!"
(Moik) Later in Amsterdam...
(Moik) "Malaysians sure smoke alot of hash!"

#47816 +(405)- [X]

<moira> while*(not tvomit) { dinrk} l // OMG I wronte a PROGMRA

#48861 +(182)- [X]

[@pHluid] Dolphins also have foot long prehensile penises
[@pHluid] they can flex them, curl them, corkscrew them whatever
[@pHluid] you haven't really lived until you've felt a dolphin's cock up yo...er

#49683 +(106)- [X]

<etiolate> vegas is just like the internet
<etiolate> porn everywhere
<etiolate> and open all night

#50272 +(95)- [X]

<Fabio> wooo 47.5$/g for international data from feb next year.....
<Riqizeins_Aggilus> w00t
<Fabio> and they are complaining that mp3 and dvd rips cost the movie industry soo much each year, then they go and do a nice thing like make our downloads cheaper...
<Fabio> i love the way this world works
<Riqizeins_Aggilus> lol

#55095 +(271)- [X]

* Cheez is now known as rwxr-xr-x
<MudBlud> ./Cheez

#56708 +(581)- [X]

<Rountree> Wake.  Birth.  Grow.  Pain.  Move.  Move.  Move.  Move.  Move.  Kid.  Grow.  Teen.  Grow.  Up.  Fall.  Up.  Crush.  Meet.  Kiss.  Date.  Buy.  Love.  Sex.  Ring.  Join.  Smile.  Kids.  School.  Dance.  Hug.  Hold.  Rift.  Leave.  Hate.  Gone.  Work.  Work.  Work.  Work.  Work.  Life.  Ha.  Bang.  Dead.
<+MegamanX2K> Shut.
<+MegamanX2K> The.
<+MegamanX2K> Fuck.
<+MegamanX2K> Up.

#72471 +(118)- [X]

<b1u3> i know the movie was written by a guy who knew nothing about computers, who wanted to make a movie about computers
<b1u3> but it has its points
<daenonok> should have frat brothers over and watch hackers the movie, and every time they make shit up, you drink a shot
<daenonok> you'd be passed out in twenty mins
<b1u3> yea but they got that worldwide virus on one floppy disk, and it had a fucking sidekick virus to distract people
<b1u3> you got people these days like 'yo i just pulled these leet kiddie sploits together into one bad mutha, the fifth cd is half burned!'

#75653 +(442)- [X]

<BustaNutt> I was working in a movie theatre one time and a mother just threw her crying baby on the hard ground, i was like WTF!! the other ushers had to calm me down coz i was fuckin pissed the rest of the day
<Abstruse> Busta: I almost had to call the cops on this one woman when I was working in the bookstore because her child calmly walked up and quietly asked 'Momma, can I have this book?" and she smacked the SHIT out of him.  I told her to get out, and she threw a fit.
<BustaNutt> ABstruse, she beat the kid just for asking for a book?
<Abstruse> That's not even the most fucked up part.  The most fucked up part is that she worked for a shelter for battered women and children.

#80303 +(411)- [X]

* Typhlosion has joined #studio64
<Gina`> There! It's complete!
<Typhlosion> What's complete?
<Typhlosion> I'm sick of not knowing what's going on!
<Chris_A> That's because people sometimes have conversations on the internet without you being there!
<Chris_A> It's shockingly ill-mannered, I know!
<Gina`> Sometimes.
<Chris_A> I know I hate it when people are talking in the street and I have to butt in and demand they tell me what they were talking about. Assholes.

#80919 +(305)- [X]

<Crystal_s> Where is everyone? I refuse to believe this many people have lives outside of IRC

#83777 +(387)- [X]

<Macavity> I'm growing a beard. It's really itchy, growing a beard...
<fin> Then shave.
<Macavity> But I weant a beard for I-Con.
<Macavity> And a real one, not a spirit-gummed-on fake one.
<fin> Why?
<Macavity> Just...because I do. Because it's part of the look for a LARP character I have.
<fin> OK. Stop there. I don't want to know anymore. Goddamn.
<Macavity> BECAUSE I FUCKING FEEL LIKE GROWING A BEARD, OKAY?
<Macavity> Shiiiit....
<fin> Which part of "changing your appearance to fit in with a LARP character" doesn't sound stupid to you?
<Maestro|OoT> LARP?
<Furry_Geek> Live Action Role Playing.
<Maestro|OoT> Oh, NO.
<fin> OK, scratch that. Which part of "playing a LARP" doesn't sound stupid to you?

#86957 +(732)- [X]

źTheCulter╗ guys: two people, /nick and /quit are on a boat. /nick falls off the boat. who's left on the boat?
(@Makenshi`) /quit
(@Makenshi`) duh

#89946 +(542)- [X]

<SJ> I'm playing "Raising Baby".... I got to the 3rd level ...
<SJ> Teething
<mtngrrl> lol, whered you find that game?
<SJ> it was on backorder - took 9 months to come in

#90010 +(835)- [X]

<+Erik> my dad knows i was watching him watch porn last night
<@Kodiake> wtf
<@Kodiake> did ya catch ol' dad jerkin off rofl
<+Erik> lol no dont ask
<+Erik> i was watching him cyber on remote administrator
<+Erik> and posting screenshots on irc
<+Erik> and we were making fun of him
<@Kodiake> ROFLMAO
<+Erik> so some fucker gets on msn and starts iming my dad
<+Erik> then goes "erik is watching you downstairs."
<@Kodiake> HAHAHAAHA
<+Erik> "he sees you watching gangbang pictures"
<+Erik> "YOUR FUCKED"
<+Erik> "WHAT KIND OF FATHER ARE YOU"
<+reap> RIOFLROFLROFLROFLORLFORLFORLF

#98043 +(206)- [X]

<Murr> DrForr, presumably the tank crew *knew* how to swim, but not how to escape from a tank with open hatch that had turned on its roof before sinking.
<DrForr> The tank flipped over -then- sank? Now that's rich.
<arkuat> what is this about?  cisco is building tanks now?
<Winkola> arkuat: If they do, you can count on a lot of drowned newbie net admins.
<Winkola> "To report a drowning emergency, press 1, and hold for 27 minutes."

#105842 +(136)- [X]

<@tumult> m what is this piano girls obsession
<@piano_girl_man> tumult cute girls who play the piano
<@tumult> piano_girl_man and what reference are you basing this on
<@Hiryu> elton john

#106446 +(213)- [X]

<navi> HELLO, MY NAME IS ASHLEIGH, AND I AM REAL.
<Chibi-Usa> HELLO
<Chibi-Usa> MY NAME IS CHIBI
<Chibi-Usa> AND I AM A FIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION
<Frostuman_The_White> HELLO
<Frostuman_The_White> MY NAME IS FROSTUMAN THE WHITE 
<navi> and you are going to take over Middle Earth
<Frostuman_The_White> AND I AM AN ALCO---I'M GOD! YES! THAT'S WHAT I MEANT!

#106605 +(239)- [X]

<kare> The next Microsoft OS will have a new anti piracy feature: it will come in an arcade cabinet and you'll need to insert coins to boot it or start a program

#106805 +(648)- [X]

<gromky> I used to like to go to #deaf and ask if anyone was trading MP3's.
<gromky> Still do, once in a while, for old times' sake.

#107396 +(385)- [X]

<@Dock> Water freezes faster the higher you are, I believe.
<@phrozen> nice
<@phrozen> next time i'll use the fridge upstairs

#117687 +(477)- [X]

<assturbation> this nick doesnt exactly scream "heterosexual"

#206281 +(686)- [X]

<gordo> who here knows their trance well?
<gordo> i need the title of that trance song, with the choir singing in the background
<gordo> (high pitch) la la la la la, la la la la
<gordo> (lower) la la la laaaaaaa, la (high) la la
<WardoG> Wow that's specific

#219421 +(367)- [X]

<Lunaris> In Taiwan, A Sperm Whale Suddenly exploded in the streets
<Lunaris> according to my newspaper
<Stiletto> I heard something about that
<Stiletto> I wish I had been there
<Lunaris> theres blood and guts everywhere...
<Stiletto> That would have fuckin ruled to see
<Lunaris> yuck...
<Thalamasa> ....
<Thalamasa> So wait
<Thalamasa> So there's this sperm whale
<Stiletto> "Dude that fuckin whale just exploded!"
<Thalamasa> In the streets
<Thalamasa> And it just exploded
<Thalamasa> Out of nowhere
<Stiletto> It was being hauled
<mia> LMFAO
<Stiletto> To a science lab
<Thalamasa> Okay
<Lunaris> it was being carried on a flatbed
<Thalamasa> So
<Thalamasa> yeah
<Stiletto> And internal pressure caused it to combust
<Stiletto> Sperm whale isn't meant to be anywhere except water
<Lunaris> and BOOM!!
<Stiletto> I can explain more if you like
<Lunaris> OMG...
<Flession> now they gotta clean up all the sperm
<Thalamasa> ...
<Lunaris> I am never going to that site again
<Thalamasa> Look
<Lunaris> ugh...
<Lunaris> ...
<Stiletto> Why?
<Thalamasa> Thank you for turning a whale exploding
<Thalamasa> into a bukkake fest
<Flession> I try

#221989 +(212)- [X]

<turkey> my friend saw r kelly's purple escalade with lamberghini doors, and spinners
<HongKongPhooey> did he see the 3 11 year olds inside?

#238166 +(532)- [X]

* Lemming hands out glasses full of an unidentifiable liquid.
<Lemming> beba la sandwich!
<red_cactus> you blended a sammich?
<red_cactus> *blenderd
<red_cactus> *blendered
<red_cactus> *put a sammich in a blender

#428713 +(165)- [X]

[Filefront|Juice] the french version of halo 2's campaign mode is only 1 minute long. Master chief lands on the earth and the covenent surrender

#459235 +(1328)- [X]

<swampi^^> I just downloaded this pic
<swampi^^> The title was bukkake ass pussy young lolita swallow cum eat meat shit piss drink old babe anal double veginal fuck tits breasts dick monster cock grannie german britney spears.jpg
<el-el_cul_jay> ...
<swampi^^> turned out to be a smiley face
<el-el_cul_jay> rofl

#484177 +(555)- [X]

<+Hellion_Prime|Work> heat output is considerably less, however, which is also something to consider.
<+iceheart> I like heat output
<+iceheart> it's fucking cold here
<+iceheart> I can go from 16c to 24c in 15 minutes by turning on all screens and the tv
<+iceheart> then I open a vent to compensate
<+iceheart> maybe I am not energy star compatible

#620964 +(-10)- [X]

<Sordly> One of the worst moments of anyone's life would have to when you realize there's only enough peanut butter to cover the front half of your body ...
<Whatanut> That's only a problem until one realizes there's still the jelly...
<Sordly> True, true
<Madster> Whatanut... ew

#833499 +(2425)- [X]

Declan: I dunno...I love her, but this new years is going to be uber depressing
grencez: her friends are much lamer than both of you combined
Declan: The thought of her getting high at a party where everyone is drunk while I sit at home and code Perl or something is kind of too much to bear
CyanFlux: maybe try coding something in c

#920036 +(1419)- [X]

<Flimsy> lert's join the BNP
<Obliriovrons> BMP
<Flimsy> if image formats were political parties, which one would you vote for
<Obliriovrons> Listen, starting a conversation like this is just going to lead to an argument
<Obliriovrons> And I'd hate to get in a tiff over image formats

#951001 +(1379)- [X]

<@Kropotkin> I hate looting corpses for anything other than an upgrade. I usually just loot the gold and small items... just feels more realistic to do that than strip someone naked all the time. I mean, this is Skyrim, not Baltimore.

0.0520 21090 quotes approved; 608 quotes pending
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