#772 +(587)- [X]
<gb> it's impossible to argue with the ignorint
#1229 +(374)- [X]
<@SwampGas> THE CHICKEN IS IN THE POT
<@SwampGas> COME IN RED SQUIRREL
<@SwampGas> COOK IT.
<@SwampGas> that's admin code talk
<@SwampGas> "they got illegal files"
<@SwampGas> "delete it"
#2576 +(382)- [X]
<dregan> Speaking of which, I got myself a new girlfriend.
<dregan> And she has a bigger dick than my last boyfriend.
#2635 +(4528)- [X]
<asr> 'fo sheezy.
<Sabboth> what the fuck does that mean in english? you should understand that having a day job precludes me from 'keeping it real' and as such, I lack a certain familiarity with the language of the 'streets' as it were.
#2732 +(445)- [X]
<im3t8> my last nightmare was of my computer trying to kill me
<im3t8> but in the end it was just the mouse
<Apathetic> maybe that's metaphoric for something
<im3t8> its a microsoft mouse
#4408 +(1180)- [X]
<MosServ> Katto: They will keep fighting, they think that dying in battle for their God is the greatest honor. But they also think they'll go to hell if they have pork in their stomach. Solution: Pork bullets.
#4791 +(563)- [X]
*** Crappy sets mode: +v Aaron
<Aaron> typing +v made crappy put me on +v automatically?
<Crappy> maybe, try typing +b :)
*** Crappy sets mode: +b *!*@m57-mp1-cvx1a.bre.ntl.com
#6419 +(193)- [X]
<extremist> that thing where girls take their clothes off?
#6960 +(312)- [X]
<ZXPKNOBB> I invented this incredible cough drop medicine! The side effects include mild coughing.
#8522 +(4)- [X]
<StoneCold> AND AFTER OL' STONE COLD IS DONE WITH THE ROCK, HE'S FIXIN TO WHIP HIS WIFE'S ASS!!
#8960 +(273)- [X]
[KodiaK] my definition of back up is move all my porn to the E Drive
#10162 +(377)- [X]
<Gygaxis> hitler: NO FAIR!!! ENGLANDS WALLHACKING!!!!1
#13900 +(276)- [X]
<Elfhelm> ya can never have to much coffee.
<Elfhelm> the stuff is great for the soul
<Spriggan|UT> just like heroin .... i mean church
#20122 +(415)- [X]
<fong> can any1 help me..? im trying to connect 2 pcs to LAN..
<orange1> use a crossover cable
<fong> i already have a crossover cable, 2 nics in 1 pc, and another in the client pc..
<fong> what do i do next?
<orange1> put the crossover cable between the two pc's
<fong> did that already
<orange1> then they're connected
<fong> its the configuration part i cant handle
<fong> yeah.. but i want them connected AND working
<netmunky> you never said shit about that
#22158 +(116)- [X]
<Eclipse> at least they don't taste like yellow listerine
<Eclipse> that stuff is horrible
<skold> 'ear wax flavor'
<Eclipse> that doesn't begin to describe it
<Eclipse> it's like ear wax dissolved in a mixture of gasoline and urine
#33291 +(132)- [X]
<Levi> lol i walk upto girls and say asl :/
#33814 +(219)- [X]
<c-rOCK> just cause youre fugly doesnt mean I cant scroll past your head to jack off
#36775 +(3)- [X]
<ThreeZee> my bad
#37305 +(244)- [X]
<Ark> ops kick you from th eroom, opers kick you from the network. I kick you in the nuts.
<Ark> choose wisely
#39092 +(95)- [X]
<WintrHawk> I fart a lot in my jeep so if thieves try and break in to steal something, the gas will repel them
#39851 +(144)- [X]
<Ti`lana> I saw in front of a church a sign that said "Jesus loves children!" and thought "Yeah, so does his priests. *smirk*"
#43306 +(253)- [X]
<slippy^> i am evi|
<mr-cow> what you done now?
<slippy^> i had a thought.
<slippy^> sat on my desk is a "clients" pc
<slippy^> would it be wrong of me to install something that screwed it every few months, thus insuring work?
* slippy^ installs win98
#48980 +(944)- [X]
<Adrenna> Mom's misguided kitten crawled under the covers while I was recovering from a tonsillectomy & thought my clit would be good to lick.. holy mother of god I screeched
#56734 +(228)- [X]
<Kitsa> I had a frightening moment today
<Kitsa> I looked at a piece of sheet music and realized I couldn't tell what key it was in
<Kitsa> "This quality music degree from a prestigious university can be your child's for the low low price of $35,000"
#71694 +(515)- [X]
<Rjx> "Funeral" is an anagram for "Real Fun"
<Rjx> Go Figure.
#74669 +(-1)- [X]
<[ryan]WIN> i should go up to like
<[ryan]WIN> the special ed class
<[ryan]WIN> and find one of those hot retards
<[ryan]WIN> cuz involuntary drooling makes for good oral
#76933 +(84)- [X]
<dewwop> maybe i should masturbate more?
<Sir_Frag> with 60 grit sandpaper even
<Sir_Frag> for extra pleasure
<skold> haha 60 grit
<skold> talk about tearin some shit up
<skold> your cock would be a mangled piece of dangling penis flesh
<dewwop> ill just use steel wool
<Annieland> ooh i love steel wool
#82072 +(249)- [X]
<Vexx> laptops needs a new name
<Vexx> 'cause if you keep them on your lap, it burns your crotch.
<+winterlike> sounds like a girl i once knew
#86029 +(289)- [X]
<Acero> my parents never bought me candy for shit because my moms a dental assistant
<Acero> so i'd have to hide candy like drugs
<Acero> thats how i got so good at it
#96255 +(313)- [X]
<ph0tek> Jemm, you're a women-magnet(R) ?
<Jemm> yeah.. unfortunately the wrong end :(
#105598 +(33)- [X]
<TheMeandMe> did you know Free Willy is manipulating?
<TheMeandMe> the movie
<amorph> is this a joke?
<TheMeandMe> its been made by the us government to turn the people into slaves
<TheMeandMe> think about the title
<TheMeandMe> "free will, y?"
#107196 +(207)- [X]
* Mike0ne sneaks up quietly and has sex in Jarrith
<cakemix26> just ackt up
<Jarrith> MIKEONE HAS HERPES
<Jarrith> oh god
* Jarrith runs away
<Jarrith> that was badly timed
#107262 +(286)- [X]
* cuba has joined #uplink
<cuba> hoi all
* Dave2|Laptop bans trade with cuba
* Luigi30 arms cuba with missiles
<KeaponLaffin> Luigi30: hey now, no bay of pigs
#112686 +(186)- [X]
(oscarb) so uhm
(oscarb) marry me
(oscarb) because i like orange juice
#116361 +(394)- [X]
<ecoli> i remember the girl who lived next to mea
<ecoli> and we saw pictures in my dad's uh. magazines.
<ecoli> "THAT LOOKS LIKE FUN, LET'S TRY THAT."
<ecoli> i think that was also her first golden shower experience, heh. at that age, i figured that was the only liquid that came out of there.
#138489 +(160)- [X]
(+Jolt) idont have a pornocollection does that make me weird?
#192433 +(898)- [X]
-([AfZ]Curse)- i just ripped the most putrid fart ever
-([AfZ]Curse)- and my fucking dog looked at me and walked out of my room
#205825 +(688)- [X]
* Quits: Serge (Connection reset by peer)
* Joins: Abe
<Locke|Away> Have you considred sacrificing a pig to appease the evil spirits plaguing your internet connection, Serge? Western medicine seems to have failed you.
<Abe> well, right now it all comes down to the network engineer's bad back. if he hadn't hurt his back, he would have fixed it by now; as it is, he's off until monday
<Locke|Away> Well, have you considered sacrificing a pig for his back? An evil dab may have followed him home from work. It might be eating his marrow.
<Locke|Away> Look, I'm hungry and I want some fucking bacon. Just kill a pig already.
#240928 +(648)- [X]
eriberri: i just finished removing all sorts of third-party hair from the keyboard :p
*** EtherKnot (~firstname.lastname@example.org) has joined channel #macintosh
Snausages: mmm, buttfurr
EtherKnot: let me try that again
*** EtherKnot has left channel #macintosh
#245797 +(1040)- [X]
<surreal> i've often wanted to drown my troubles, but i can't get my girlfriend to go swimming
#307358 +(635)- [X]
<Arctic_Wolf> My friends parents bought him the nice DDR pads so he could lose some weight.
<Arctic_Wolf> He gets in trouble whenever they find out he's bought a non DDR PS2 game.
<Arctic_Wolf> "HOW IS ARMORED CORE 2 SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU LOSE WEIGHT, WONG?"
#329553 +(1292)- [X]
#331827 +(2295)- [X]
(Teg[WTW]) Some girl left her yearbook lying around, so I decided to sign it.
(Teg[WTW]) I wrote "Megan - Even though I never met you, I've had some good times over the years watching you from that tree in your backyard. Stalkingly, Steve"
#386769 +(732)- [X]
(@_mara) A tall, well-built woman with good
(@_mara) reputation, who can cook frogs
(@_mara) legs, who appreciates a good fuo-
(@_mara) schia garden, classical music, and tal-
(@_mara) king without getting too serious.
(@_mara) But please only read lines 1, 3 and 5.
#549651 +(1110)- [X]
<Velk> I have my school pay phones on my cell contact list
<Velk> my friend and I plan to go to New York city and take down as many pay phone numbers as we can
<Velk> and single out a person, and every payphone he passes we'll call
<Velk> just to creep him out
#566068 +(33)- [X]
Yojimbo: Why do they bother calling them biker chicks, why not just "dykers?"
#657186 +(844)- [X]
<iFx|shade> this guy aidan was aruging with this chick emma at tea
<iFx|shade> and shes like saying it wouldnt hurt that much getting kicked in the balls
<iFx|shade> and he goes spread your legs then and ill kick you in the balls
<iFx|shade> and shes like i dont have balls
<iFx|shade> and he goes who are you trying to kid with a mostache like that
<iFx|shade> and she got up and left
#697712 +(1876)- [X]
Madrigal: I have DSL
Madrigal: Which backwards is "LSD"
Madrigal: But for my sake, and the sake of being backwards, I'd rather get Dial.
#699602 +(1066)- [X]
Mike: i downloaded a virus to test my current virus protector. guess what, it failed the test
#707553 +(1238)- [X]
<RobotJunk> How do I use dBase III database with more that 255 fields in a table?
<teHr0k> Change out of your parachute pants and get in your 1986 Dodge K Car and
drive to the Airport, while listening to Duran Duran on the radio. Lastly,
catch a Flight on Braniff Airlines to the 21st Century.