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#298 +(915)- [X]

<DigDug> how about i make a special back door, just for you :-)
<Amanda_> Oh, that'll work just as well
<McMoo> pen just invited you to have ass sex with him

#1636 +(580)- [X]

<DragonRe> gabe: what i did to you was love goddamit
<gabe> maybe in alabama.

#2244 +(570)- [X]

<Asmodee`> ibm said they were investing 1 billion $ into open source projects
<DAL9000> Asmodee`: do you know what happens when you invest money in opensource projects?
<DAL9000> NOTHING! it buys the coders some beer, nachos, and porn to watch instead of coding.

#3075 +(320)- [X]

(Arwen`) spell check on the serch engin is so nice :)

#3589 +(333)- [X]

e l i t e m r p: you think you're so smart cause you go to "school"

#4860 +(650)- [X]

<cheerio> i like computers better than chicks cuz they will willingly accept my 3.5" floppy

#5345 +(54)- [X]

<Ramen> When my penis grows in size at the site of a naked male, then I'll believe I'm gay.

#5427 +(1792)- [X]

<doctorb> goth clubs should serve coffee. ice cold coffee. with nails and broken glass. and call then 'depresso's

#8970 +(193)- [X]

* Rogue feeds CardO's ass a cracker so he'll stop talking outta it

#17240 +(22)- [X]

<@harb> Hmm.. I wonder, if you buy that Linksys wireless NIC with the antenna on it, and you run the SETI daemon.. does it just act as another node in the VLA?

#20891 +(652)- [X]

<Fraud> hehe ill never forget in math class in high school back in the day, 2 negros get in a fight and one stabs the other with a screw driver right in front of me when im like a freshman, then some black girls stands up and screams OH SHEET HE STABBED CORNBREAD

#23888 +(711)- [X]

<doug-> moral dilemma: i just found a pak of 18 chicken legs in the deep freezer, however the label says 'best if used by 06-12-01'.... do i cook it up for the kidz and avoid having to spend money on take out?  i'm not all that hungry myself anyway =]
<Prozzy> I say go for it. If they die, at least you know.
<doug-> hmm, never actually thought about *death*, just figured on projectile diarrhea, etc... now insurance policies come into play... this could be a win-win-win-lose-win situation i have here

#28214 +(263)- [X]

<krisi> anyone from ireland?
<Tbodd> no, we're all sober

#29442 +(1364)- [X]

<Phuser> Last night the power went out. Good thing my camera had a flash...I took 65 pictures of myself making a sandwich...My neighbors thought it was lightning in my house, so they called the cops.

#30523 +(-40)- [X]

Lotach: ok I got OE working but she hates it so I need to get O working
Lotach: and no, not oprah
HolyViper7: dude, she's oprah.
HolyViper7: shes A) black B) fat
Lotach: there's no getting oprah working
Lotach: it's a double whammy
Lotach: she doesn't work because she's black, she doesn't work because she's fat

#34374 +(269)- [X]

<cwd> ls
<cwd> oops
<cwd> :\
<artrix> happens to all of us
<cwd> but i only have this one terminal open

#36220 +(132)- [X]

<Ginger`> In pagecount, the script is about at the level of six to seven Shakespeare games, so it may well take awhile. ^.^ A 10% patch was released recently.
<Ginger`> *plays
<Ginger`> I can't believe I said Shakespeare games. -.-;

#37029 +(22)- [X]

<Anapaest> raping a brain-eating zombie..
<Anapaest> yummie
<Insp-Kamiz-> ahaha
<Insp-Kamiz-> they have lots of holes in them :D
<Insp-Kamiz-> like.. gangbang from 20different angels
<Insp-Kamiz-> CRAP, bad typo... angles

#42105 +(211)- [X]

<Orion> Among the impressive range of Durex products you'll find are three new exciting condoms - Sensation, Close Fit and Classic.
<Orion> oh goody, three NEW EXCITING condoms
<goldberg> put them all on at once
<goldberg> you get a classic close fit sensation

#46737 +(109)- [X]

<Wynn> Hey, my face is my fortune.. and that's why I'm broke.

#46809 +(3)- [X]

<Freed> jesus got his holy water all over my ass :(

#49377 +(135)- [X]

<Howard> My wife keeps getting sales calls on her cell.
<Howard> I picked it up this afternoon and told the salesperson "I need two things from you."
<Howard> "First, I need you to put me on the no-call list."
<Howard> "Second, I need your credit card number so I can charge you for calling me on this cell phone."
<Howard> They fell all over themselves apologizing and hung up.

#56170 +(10)- [X]

TaniquaLoL: i stole my moms stash and sold it to her friend hahaha
EyezBloodshot: lmao
TaniquaLoL: shes all bitchy now though

#56836 +(636)- [X]

<Wohali> girls kissing on cbc
<math> WOOHOO!!!
<math> YAY CANADA!
<Wohali> now there's two boys getting ready to kiss.
<math> oh thats just gay

#57652 +(-19)- [X]

<MAWKS> i aint a fag
<MAWKS> but ill suck a fags dick

#59132 +(314)- [X]

<KeeperX> i have my time machine built into a '67 el camino
<TrueBlue> The front is like a car!
<TrueBlue> The back is like a truck!
<TrueBlue> The front is where we sit!
<TrueBlue> The back is where we... EL CAMINO!

#66208 +(450)- [X]

<Firemoth> Weird, My cat's got conjunctivitis in one of his eyes and i have to put like a jell type cream on his eye. He doesn't mind me puting it on there one bit, He just sits back and lets me squeeze it on. Doesn't flinch or anything.
<Agg> dude, he's been dead for 2 weeks now.

#81128 +(201)- [X]

<@SpAz-o-Licious> i got this dude i know laied like 3 weeks ago... he was like trippin out cause his gf wanted to fuck him so bad... so i told him what to do and he left.
<@SpAz-o-Licious> the next day he came in and said this...
<@SpAz-o-Licious> <@{118th}DJ_Kazul> sex is better than cs!!!
<@[Milo]> maybe on a pub
<@SpAz-o-Licious> lol!
<@Aunt_Jemima> haha

#82000 +(355)- [X]

<cams> hey look, I'm japanese
<cams> rororro
<Ferrus> hey look
<Ferrus> i'm japanese
* Ferrus flies into the side of a us destroyer

#82142 +(228)- [X]

<soul|FL> say hypothetically yesterday i bought a life size buffy blow up doll and had sex with it

#103202 +(416)- [X]

<OwnerDemon> It kind of sucks now that there are so many computer jokes and innuendos on bash.org that people like me can't understand them.
<TheOne> 7|-|47z (|_|z j0012 4 f|_||<1n9 DUMB4SS!
<OwnerDemon> Exactly.

#103549 +(633)- [X]

<drwiii> this game rules.
<drwiii> i punched a building and it EXPLODED
<drwiii> but enough about that, let's talk about the game.

#104706 +(346)- [X]

(blitzer) if I had a daughter in the porn industry, and I masturbated to a scene which she starred in, would it be incest?
(mortiis) no
(mortiis) idiot

#106564 +(74)- [X]

<MegaDeth[Away]> hmmm
<MegaDeth[Away]> I like WASTE
<MegaDeth[Away]> WASTE is my FRIEND
<MH2> More people need WASTE
<Luigi30> I excrete WASTE into the TOILET.
<MH2> no
<MH2> That's waste

#106976 +(280)- [X]

<TurdS> i have to go and negociate the release of the chocolate hostages
* TurdS is now known as TurdS[shitting]

#113195 +(235)- [X]

<%Zero> then i broke my wrist in the growth plate twice
<%Zero> once snowboarding
<@mjc> ok.....
<%Zero> and a fat kid fell on me
<@mjc> hehehehehehehehehe
<%Zero> :(
<%Zero> it hurt
<%Zero> the kid was running
<%Zero> tripped on his shoe lace
<%Zero> and crushed me
<@Mike> lmao

#116706 +(518)- [X]

<Dracon> I saw a mormon crash his bike into a power pole
<Dracon> that was grand :D
<html> heHaHehAHehAeh :D
<Dracon> I walked past and said "Not even God saw that one coming... well done tiger!"

#176622 +(396)- [X]

<n00dle> What do Michael Jackson and a Big Mac have in common?
<n00dle> Both involve 30-year-old meat in between two nine-year-old buns.

#307625 +(381)- [X]

<Duo> I paint stripes on my pc, and it makes me feel it can go faster

#329222 +(756)- [X]

<glix> oh shit... i farted and a little more than air came out.....
<glix> fuck
<glix> anyone who has tips on how to leave the chair without making a mess, msg me ASAP
<cainBoy> lmao

#333255 +(452)- [X]

<bloodeu> Fortunately, I have a six pack that turns women on instantly
<skittz> is it bud light?

#520752 +(1354)- [X]

<dodgo> what the fuck
<dodgo> school students demonstrating against copyright infringement?
<Count> mmm, it's like the poor demonstrating against food stamps and welfare

#598783 +(632)- [X]

<greetz> where is that?
<Rafiki> After "is."

#607500 +(644)- [X]

Faustmaster300: OK, my sis asked how to spell danke, which is german for thx, so i tell her, iamaretard. she types it in and sends it to her friend. didnt even realize. i will never let her live it down.

#610712 +(837)- [X]

<Phatt_One> crap is disgusting
<syntax> hey dont bad mouth crap
<syntax> im a plumber
<syntax> if it werent for crap, i wouldnt be able to feed my family

#622750 +(716)- [X]

<@jjsff8> I wanna find a girl who loves me for my money, but doesnt understand math.

#737717 +(402)- [X]

<@Merrick178> I hope you get hit by an uninsured Mexican driving an ice cream truck with la bamba playing in the background

#771628 +(2387)- [X]

<Greek69> lol grow up asshole
<TwoPairSux> You have "69" at the end of your name and you're talking to me about maturity?
<Greek69> Do you even know what 69 means you fag?
<TwoPairSux> You have "Greek" in your name and you're calling me a fag?

#856153 +(742)- [X]

<Kin68ling>   :-pd-:
<Kin68ling> two girls making out
<sadoomed> how do u know its not 2 men?
<Kin68ling> because i still have some faith left in the world

#943758 +(756)- [X]

<xtal> I am a trekker. I am a devout fan, but not enough to spend all my waking hours sewing costumes, assembling prop replicas, going to conventions, learning klingon, quibbling over the finer points of canon, and not having sex.
<xtal> which is to say
<xtal> while i'm not having sex anyway
<xtal> it's not star trek's fault.

0.0337 20982 quotes approved; 5602 quotes pending
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