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#276 +(640)- [X]

<papasui> i bought a box of crab ragoons
<papasui> and i looked to see how many calories are in each one
<papasui> and its freaking 400 and 250 fat calories
<Marcus-> "WARNING: May cause manboobs!"

#1583 +(365)- [X]

<no_soul> did you know the testes on blue whales weigh like 400 pounds?
<no_soul> thats a hefty sack
<ecoli> my god.
<no_soul> just a little fun fact for you all
<ecoli> them is some big nuts
<ecoli> did you know that the blue whale's penis is 11 feet long?
<no_soul> i bet the shoot loads like a fuckin cruise missle

#1975 +(1391)- [X]

<c-rock> Whatever happened to sex drugs and rock n roll? Now we just have aids crack and techno.

#2015 +(489)- [X]

<Digested> cool :)
<Digested> you have a gf that knows how to download mp3s
<madog> ya
<madog> and email
<qvr> That's nothing.. I had this goldfish....

#3371 +(424)- [X]

<orion> this is a NIGHTMARE
<orion> where's my time-release cyanide capsule of death
<Guilty> Now orion, you arent gay from homo's touching a flyer you made
<Guilty> Unless said flyer is a picture of your dick
<Guilty> Which knowing you, it might be

#4757 +(10)- [X]

<Guilty> Heavy petting zoo

#6026 +(172)- [X]

<kim-> pat youve had your share of irc fucks
<ultrafunk> yeah like 3
<ultrafunk> 2 i never saw again
<thebigo> why, did you take them off /notify?

#7162 +(125)- [X]

<@Latino-Heat> when i was in school, during free periods i'd sit in the library cos i couldnt go home and i'd look up stds in encyclopedias
<@Latino-Heat> cos i had rashes everywhere

#7490 +(299)- [X]

<sortof> i slept on a glowstick wrong

#7540 +(245)- [X]

< Kayne > man, i should take this vibrating monkey out of my ass... it's starting to affect my typing

#8807 +(186)- [X]

[Chocolate_Jihad]  ahh depth perception she is harsh mistress
[Chocolate_Jihad]  so much good but at such a great cost
[Darkure]  you mean to your dignity?
[Chocolate_Jihad]  unfortunately

#17873 +(380)- [X]

<Kerpal>the Cd-key is 56dsr67x
<vR|Sn00kie>Wont work....hmm
<kerpal>Hmm....it is x as in zebra
<vR|Sn00kie> you are stupid

#23347 +(281)- [X]

*** Quits: Light^NG (i got chikz in da livin' room gettin' it on, and they ain't leavin' 'till six 'n the morn')
<rhythm> what the fuck
<rhythm> i wanna go to his house

#40498 +(518)- [X]

<cygnus> in windows
<cygnus> what it mean
<cygnus> if the folder has a hand underneaath it
<Sephiroth> means it is shared
<Sephiroth> across your network
<cygnus> how did you know that
<cygnus> i thought it meant it was heavy or something
<cygnus> like
<cygnus> it's got 10 gigs in it

#42626 +(248)- [X]

<CapnCloud> i have a screenshot coming... it's coming... hrrrrrghhhh
<ashen|nekogirl> O.O
* ashen|nekogirl backs far far away from CapnCloud
<CapnCloud> XD
<ashen|nekogirl> >.o
<plubeard> ....screenshots have never sounded so dirty

#42805 +(-75)- [X]

<Low> wassup
* sean estimates the age of Low as 11.
<Low> uhhh higher
<sean> liar.
* Low estimates the iq of sean as 3 maybe 4
<Low> im amazed u can type
<Low> let alone breathe

#44008 +(361)- [X]

<kmad> someone should make insecure-or-not.com
<kmad> and instead of 1-10
<kmad> it would just have a 'yes'

#44088 +(568)- [X]

<tate> Ever see What Women Want?
<Tony> yea, i look in the mirror all the time
<tate> It's true
<tate> Women do only seem to want Gay men

#45321 +(17)- [X]

<+Albator73> how I turn off away mode ?
<@eDRoaCH-nothere> albator- you type /quit away
*** Albator73 (Albator_7@ARouen-106-1-5-94.abo.wanadoo.fr) Quit (Quit: away -=SysReset 2.51=-)

#46759 +(195)- [X]

<Kash_> ouch! cheeze is hot when worn

#47068 +(1421)- [X]

<kolby> dude...true story...Jacob was masturbating in our bathroom and the light doesn't work so instead of grabbing lotion, he lubed up his dick with ben-gay. I had to take him to the fucking hospital. It was like a movie.
<Wes> hahahah
<kolby> yea but hey, don't make fun of him, it's been a rough fuckin night
<Wes> Ah come on
<kolby> nah man, seriously
*** Jacob has joined #e/n
<kolby> HAHA! How's your red cock feel you fucking idiot?

#49006 +(470)- [X]

<Hat> How many seconds are there in a year?
<sirus> 2
<Hat> No.
<sirus> 7?
<Hat> That's not even an educated guess...
<sirus> i know
<sirus> im being stupid on purpose
<Hat> It's hard to tell.

#53711 +(-47)- [X]

Anonymous: Ramadan is over, i can eat!!!
Anonymous2: I was surfing the internet and i found a page that said more women go for guys that are/were in the Air Force then any other profession.
Anonymous: Really, I wanna join the air force one day.
Anonymous2: Wat, so u could learn how to fly planes into skyscrapers.
Anonymous: Fool, you're muslim too.
Anonymous: You r a disgrace to brown pple.
Anonymous2: Don't be silly i'm not brown, i'm just a really tanned white person.

#54048 +(221)- [X]

<Afsan> the question is.. would the fbi suspect a terrorist from a university in Australia?  arn't we ment to be the good guys?
<Gothmog> we're everywhere...
<Gothmog> i mean...
<Gothmog> _they're_ everywhere
<Gothmog> phew lucky save there
<Afsan> yes you almost exposed us!
<Afsan> one of your camels must now be castrated!

#54356 +(6)- [X]

<Comarcracy> anyone know a good game for pc that is similar to gta?
<ircbuddy> GTA2
<ircbuddy> (You must have seen that coming...)
<Comarcracy> kinda, i didnt think anyone would say that since i was refering to all gta games...but expect the unexpected
<ircbuddy> Fair enough.

#55832 +(259)- [X]

irc.aol.com Message of the Day - 
irc.aol.com (If you packet us, we will send you a bunch of cd's)

#61680 +(416)- [X]

<Charlemagne> monkey? what kind of racial slur is that?
<Mercenary9> A primitive one.

#71204 +(449)- [X]

<Lady> wat does your nick mean or stand for
<Gandalf> you serious?
<Lady> wat i say
<Gandalf> I just can't believe that you don't know where Gandalf comes from
<Lady> sorry i'm way behind you lovey
<Gandalf> it's ok.. do you watch porn?
<Lady> not that much
<Gandalf> oh ok.. it's the name of a porn star
<-- Lady has quit (Quit: Leaving)

#78661 +(909)- [X]

#80147 +(165)- [X]

#101283 +(503)- [X]

<BloodFromStone> "You wouldn't think incest was wrong if you had cousins as hot as mine."

#106605 +(218)- [X]

<kare> The next Microsoft OS will have a new anti piracy feature: it will come in an arcade cabinet and you'll need to insert coins to boot it or start a program

#107249 +(827)- [X]

<01@peregrine> Then a great item, the 24 Hour Bukkake Semen of Moe Nishimura
<01@peregrine> -- poor Moe-chan has men blowing their wads on her as she goes about her
<01@peregrine> daily life, brushing her teeth, sleeping, going to the bathroom, and so on
<01@peregrine> dude that's bukkake i'd consider watching
<01@peregrine> the comedy
<01@chesed> I think that'd get annoying when you're doing your daily activies and random guys are blowing their load all over you
<01@chesed> it'd prolly be the worst day to do laundry
<01@chesed> "I just fucking cleaned that! FUCK!"
<01@peregrine> you'd need an allstar male crew
<01@peregrine> with precision aim
<01@chesed> haha
<01@chesed> matrix load-blowing
<01@peregrine> i'm just imagining like
<01@peregrine> guys hidden in the bushes and shit, as she walks by
<01@krelian> that's what happens in 24 hours bukakke
<01@krelian> they like bust out of the closet
<01@krelian> and it's a hit and run cum
* peregrine rolls
<01@spider-hime> hahah
<01@krelian> girl walks into the bathroom
<01@krelian> and dude blows his load
<01@peregrine> they need to just go all the way
<01@peregrine> and have some chick being tormented by a clan of bukkake ninjas
<01@krelian> *girl walks down street*
<01@krelian> *ninjas out of bushes*
<01@peregrine> hehe
<01@peregrine> totally
<01@krelian> *ninjas blow load*
<01@peregrine> then DISAPPEAR
<01@krelian> <girl> what the hell was that!
<01@spider-hime> STEALTH BUKKAKE
<01@krelian> *girl walks down street*
<01@krelian> <girl> omg it's raining
<01@Perrin> *camera pans to roof of building*

#120260 +(852)- [X]

<baka-san> a byte to eat? *groan*
<baka-san> I ate at a suhsi place once that called their pieces bits,
   you could order a 4-bit nibble, and 8-bit byte, a 16-bit halfword, or a
   32-bit word.
<baka-san> Some of their large combo platters were named after structs.
<baka-san> The TCP header that we ordered was very tasty.
<billf> "you know you're in silicon valley when...."

#131201 +(-4)- [X]

<Zibro> geez
<Zibro> these posters are dumb
<Zibro> it's all just cars
<Zibro> and women

#166910 +(800)- [X]

<schnorks> OFFICIAL ATOMIC TIME: 11:41:28PM CDT
<Sigma> OMG schnorks has the A-BOMB
<schnorks> No, the atomic time has nothing to do with weapons of any sort.
<Coco13> schnorks is correct.
<Coco13> The second is based on the wavelength of a particular atom.
<schnorks> What about the first?
<Coco13> You are such a fucking whore.

#177638 +(7451)- [X]

<@AntiHeiss> friend of mine went to jail last night
<@AntiHeiss> he probably isn't getting out for a while
<%The_Coolest> y?
<+Enyo> why?
<%The_Coolest> :o
<@AntiHeiss> it was a girl cop, she was pretty cute too
<@AntiHeiss> she said anything you say can and will be held against you....he sat there for a while and said 'tits'

#178890 +(14711)- [X]

*** Now talking in #christian
-Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot. For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info
<Abstruse> !kjv numbers 22:21
<Word_of_God>  Numbers 22:21 -- And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. -  (KJV)
*** SageRider sets mode: +b *!*@c211-30-208-111.rivrw3.nsw.optusnet.com.au
*** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider (Please dont Swear)
<Abstruse> I know I'm never going to be able to come back in this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see that...

#189491 +(974)- [X]

<Da5id> bwahahahahahaha!
<Da5id> k
<Da5id> check this stuff out
<Da5id> the sign at the student eating facility that i work at says "babcock frozen yogurt"
<Da5id> but 'babcock' is on one line, and 'frozen yogurt' is on the other
<Da5id> and there's two switches for the sign
<Da5id> now, one would THINK that one switch would be for "babcock" and the other for "frozen yogurt"
<Da5id> but no
<Da5id> one switch is for "bab/frozen"
<Da5id> and the other is for "cock/yogurt"
<%Freakazoid> lol
<Da5id> we just closed, like, an hour ago
<Da5id> guess what the sign was left saying?
<Da5id> O:)

#191305 +(377)- [X]

<Kyre> ...
<GreenFux> ...?
<Kyre> I'm re-enacting Final Fantasy 8
<Kyre> err I mean ...

#261931 +(4342)- [X]

Phoenix> Dude, wanna hear a fucked up story?
Phoenix> So, Im at the usual weekend frat parties and i've been talking to this girl for the majority of the night.
Phoenix> Anyway I ended up going back with her to her dorm. About another 8shots later, we end up fooling around on her bed.
Phoenix> So about 10min's into her giving me head, I had to drop the fattest shit in my life.
Phoenix> All my meals were followed by 3tsp of metamucil so I could get lots of fiber in me to combat the carbs a litte. Anyway im holdin my #2 in and finally it goes away. We both end up passing out on her bed, she's butt naked and im in my boxers.
Phoenix> I wake up to piss and I find myself covered in shit. It was all over the bed,sheets,etc.... Im freakin out so I did the most horrible thing in the world.
Phoenix> She's sleeping with her back towards me, so I take my boxers off, scoop up some shit and gently smear it on the inside of her butt, her lower back, and a little on the back of her hammies.
Phoenix> I get dressed and leave... This poor girl is gonna think she did it. I didnt know what else to do though. I have no clue what im gonna do when I end up running into her.

#374400 +(245)- [X]

<DeathPool> You know that internet culture has reached its peak when the first comment on a news post about an ape that walks upright is: HILARY DUFF APE SEX!

#397151 +(188)- [X]

<psychonate> A Mac is like a prostitute.
<psychonate> Sure they look good, but your wallet will feel a lot lighter after getting one.

#412140 +(1679)- [X]

* Therapist is now known as TheRapist
<Zvorg> ...
<JebusCrip> ...
<Stateobv> dotdotdot
<TheRapist> What? I like capitalizing random letters..

#441086 +(1629)- [X]

*** _Melody_ has been kicked off channel #unix by Snooze (it's your wedding night, get off irc)
*** _Melody_ (melody@ignite.blackened.net) has joined channel #unix
<_Melody_> oh
<_Melody_> we already had the sex

#524500 +(-258)- [X]

TheOrigionalFuzz: this one guy was yelling at me in spanish the other day, so I said "speak a real language or go to hell" and he kept yelling at me, and it was pissing me off, so I flipped him off, so he started chasing me, so I started running, and that's about it
TheOrigionalFuzz: turns out I was on his property
TheOrigionalFuzz: or something

#625995 +(335)- [X]

<shok-> ha! just yesterday I was wondering why more solar power applications aren't being built
<shok-> but they are in Shanghai.
<shok-> oh communists, what won't you do?
<Ben^> last for more than a century?

#674312 +(1200)- [X]

<Truin> anyone seen Bush lately? 
<Espresso> nope
<Espresso> wait
<Espresso> the band, the man, or the body part?
<Truin> take your pick
<Espresso> the answer is still nope

#748763 +(422)- [X]

<BillyBob> napolean was 5 feet 7
<BillyBob> that i did not know
<NobleArc> Napoleon
<NobleArc> It's just francais. Spelling en francais isn't that hard.
<BillyBob> good to know you can catch typos in multiple languages
<BillyBob> almost as helpful as the microsoft office paperclip

#769773 +(4)- [X]

Renleve: Pimpegration!
Renleve: Maria whores herself out at $20 a go under her pimp's auspices to 3^x - x^3 + 7x + 12 guys every day, compounding hourly, where the Wednesday lunch hour, starting at noon, is the zero mark. What economic model should Johnny employ to maximize personal revenue through the following Monday (by which time Maria will surely have died of a heroin overdose or at the hands of an overly enthusiastic customer)?
Renleve: The correct answer was "smack dat bitch up and take all of her Jacksons, fo'real". We would also have accepted "voodoo economics". Thanks for playing, Maria, you dumb slut!

0.0457 20958 quotes approved; 4388 quotes pending
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