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#795 +(242)- [X]

<conceited> in exactly two days i'll be packeting whoever talks shit to me.

#1075 +(287)- [X]

<acestus> Maarken: Bah, briefs-wearer.
<acestus> You might as well run EMACS.

#1380 +(517)- [X]

[orion] man i had a fucked up dream last night
[orion] i think my maid was fondeling me
[orion] i was being spooned by this chick when she started to finger my asshole, and i was like "wtf is this shit, get that outta me, but i couldn't move"
[orion] so then i finally got all grossed out and woke up
[orion] and my asshole felt funny.
(|Chris) you probably fingered your own ass in your sleep
[orion] nah mang, i smelled my fingahs

#1413 +(410)- [X]

<TheVirus> i hate when im takin a whizz, and then im almost done, then i get those damned piss shakes. and my piss goes all over the damn place, then my cat comes in and licks it up. good cat =D

#2095 +(866)- [X]

<JDigital> We need our own Dance 4.14 bot.
<JDigital> *Dancer
<MrSede> A dance bot..?
<MrSede> Do a random Kirby dance every few minutes?
<MrSede> ..while telling the weather
<Brentai> <(^_^<) (>^_^)>  It's fucking hot!
<MrSede> Forecast for today will be cloudy [*bust a move*] with a slight chance of [*booty shakin*] rain
<MrSede> If the weatherman were more like that I'd watch the News more often

#3240 +(536)- [X]

* RatWork hands Matt^^^ the cluephone
(RatWork) it's for you

#3404 +(33)- [X]

#4265 +(1740)- [X]

<Deffy> Christ is so cool. He's born, I get presents. He dies, I get candy.

#4311 +(-3)- [X]

<_8ight> i put a hit of LSD on a hamster's eyeball in high school
<_8ight> it died that nite :(

#4328 +(738)- [X]

<Nice_Guy> i love u
<kcb0ddah> i love you too
<kcb0ddah> what is your credit card number?

#5072 +(382)- [X]

<jonathans> i wonder if all women think like that
<reubenf> not all women think

#6270 +(211)- [X]

<pipedream> one time i pee'd on the mcdonalds restroom floor
<pipedream> but it was a "statement"

#7127 +(125)- [X]

*** Mezoth|work was kicked by Avie_work (the last guy that said, "I think you know what I want" to me ended up in the hospital. FOR SIX MONTHS.)

#7418 +(399)- [X]

<[KoG]^Deeshay> I'll beat you when I get a modem that isnt controlled by a rat in a wheel

#8254 +(131)- [X]

<Hamsters> i'm trying to get me self one at downtown BUT they got those stickers on the glasses and said that i need to be 19 older
<shagman> only for tobacco
<shagman> not pipes and papers and crap
* Owyn blinks
<Owyn> Shag: smaller sentences
<Owyn> You'll break his brain.

#8681 +(207)- [X]

<Ryk> you know the bottom half of an egg carton? I got me one of those, and cut holes where the eggs sit. I'm gonna take it home tonight, get nekkid, and have my own game of "smack the weasel".

#10798 +(1808)- [X]

<Sparky> My new years resolution is 1280x1024.

#15730 +(166)- [X]

<depresso> *** Notice -- K-line active for AllYour
<depresso> *** Notice -- K-line active for BaseAre
<depresso> *** Notice -- K-line active for Belong2Us
* depresso falls over
<depresso> those were actual klines that just poped up on my screen

#16481 +(791)- [X]

<Johnny-5> i just measured my dick and i was like 'yay ten inches' then i realised i was looking at centimeters. life can be so hard sometimes.

#16676 +(1271)- [X]

Stinkysteven67: I love married with children. Its a great show.
Lucy17: It's ok, One thing that bugs me about that show,
In the pilot series they had Al bundy sounding like he was from Brooklyn
or something when they are supposed to be from Chicago.
Stinkysteven67: Where do you think brooklyn is dork?
Lucky17: Its in new york goofball, chicago is in illinios.
Stinkysteven67: Oh sorry, I've never been good at geometry.
Lucy17: Umm yea..

#17944 +(27)- [X]

<Jarp> i am 19 years old
<Jarp> the big 2.0, if ya add up the numerals

#29247 +(336)- [X]

<dingo> did you hear the polish government bought 5000 septic tanks?
<twolovvers> what in the hell for?
<twolovvers> well, as soon as they figure out how to drive them, they're going to invade germany.
<twolovvers> huh?
<twolovvers> I'm very naive, and I pay no attention to world news
<twolovvers> so if your bullshitting me I havn't a clue
<dingo> septic tanks....drive them...going to invade...
<dingo> umm...
<dingo> you dye your hair blonde lately?
<twolovvers> no it's dark brown with a hint of red
<twolovvers> septic tanks aren't meant to be driven
<dingo> ...
<twolovvers> so your making a polish joke to mock them?
<dingo> i think they're mocking themselves at this point.

#37143 +(558)- [X]

ianepson: heh one time i was camping up in the mountains and there were these wierd sounds
ianepson: and i had my guitar with me......
ianepson: somthing compelled me to play the theme to deliverance
Metal Mantis X: lol
Metal Mantis X: lmfao
ianepson: i half expected some guy to come out of the trees and make me squeel like a piggai
Metal Mantis X: lol
ianepson: my dad comes out and is like wtf are you doin? ur gonna get us all raped.
ianepson: sure enough these dudes come rollin by in a van honkin the horn.... wavin and hollerin.....
ianepson: SQEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLL
ianepson: lol then we ended up jammin and this dude was askin me to play Nirvana
Metal Mantis X: heh good thing you didn't play "Rape Me"

#39442 +(283)- [X]

<@Master_Logan> few have achieved my level of enlightenment
<kiwiman> ..
<kiwiman> Jesus
<kiwiman> I so want to make fun of you
<@Master_Logan> If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
<kiwiman> Without them, we wouldn't have someone to tell us how enlightened he is
<@Master_Logan> youre really askin for it
<kiwiman> No
<kiwiman> If i was i'd be saying "Please kick me monkey"

#44730 +(-99)- [X]

<Chris974> my logon on this computer doesnt let my use expolorer or oh thats right ANY FUCKING THING so i have to use my cousin's logon and he is like 6, how demeaning
<DJ_Random> you think THAT'S demeaning?? you should have seen what i did to ya mum last night

#49565 +(-1)- [X]

<foop> 30% soy, 60% whiskey, 25% cock
<foop> the three main food groups

#73028 +(363)- [X]

<Verchiani> whats a good word to get shaved into the back of your head??
<DeathJester> idiot

#81026 +(172)- [X]

[23:07] <Wiiseguy> BBL (School.)
[23:07] <IceSynergyIX> seeya
[23:08] <Wiiseguy> Back (Education is for suckers.)

#84806 +(610)- [X]

*MulletMan removes his pants
*BobZilla sets mode +pants MulletMan
<MulletMan> fuck you

#91968 +(640)- [X]

<cae> i wonder what sales calls will be like with video phones
<DarthBong> at least then you'll be able to flip them off
<DarthBong> or hang up a porn picture over the camera
<cae> hehe...print out goatse.cx pictures and flash them to unsuspecting sales people
<DarthBong> hehe
<keetz> hahaha
<DarthBong> "hang on a sec, i can't remember where I left my credit card.... Oh, i left it in.. (goatse.cx guy) HERE"

#94390 +(1297)- [X]

<death[a]zre> SIERRA TANGO FOXTROT UNIFORM

#99315 +(254)- [X]

<Seed> I had to remove one of toastt's organs once.. because he didn't pay attention
<md`> i see
<Supachikn> which organ?
<Supachikn> his skin?
<Supachikn> pancreas?
<Supachikn> appendix!
<Seed> Supachikn: a 1967 Hammond organ

#99374 +(1470)- [X]

<Kokanshu> does anyone else have the urge to call the operators up and say 'I NEED AN EXIT, FAST!'

#102335 +(351)- [X]

<Panzer> hmm. 3% out of about 2000 Battlefield gamers are female
<Sargasm> That's...what, 60?
<Panzer> dont know if thats exact
<Wilbur> it is
<dsbnh> and this matters because....?
<dsbnh> now more gamers can get dates?
<Wilbur> trivia is vital
<Panzer> dee
<Sargasm> 3% of them can, now
<dsbnh> "omg kekekek i am a girl don't shoot k cutie ^___^"
<Sargasm> "omg are u really a gurl?"
<Sargasm> "pics plz"
<dsbnh> "OMG yes"
<Panzer> heh
<dsbnh> "later after i win"
<Panzer> forget it
<dsbnh> "let me win k?"
<Sargasm> "anything for u hunny
<Sargasm> "
<dsbnh> "^__^"
<Panzer> ack von stupidhead
*** Signoff: Garnet (Exit: Austnet Chat Network)
<dsbnh> "what button do i press to shoot, becauseobviouslyicanconvinceiamagirlbyactingclueless"
<Sargasm> "u can push my buttons any day"
<dsbnh> "omg kkeekke ur funny"
<dsbnh> "dude i have him we are  so win to win"
<dsbnh> "oh crap, i typed that in wrong"
<dsbnh> "kekeke hi... helllo"
<Sargasm> Sadly, this is far more accurate than it should be
<dsbnh> LOL

#106371 +(242)- [X]

< zeedo> now the use of nmap in the matrix reloaded, that was leetnes
                  in a movie

< mcp33p4n75> and ssh
< zeedo> an ssh exploit no less
< setenv> oh yea and the crc32 vulnerability
18:02:37 < zeedo> I paused it and started explaining it to my gf, she just
                  looked at me like I was a moron

#107324 +(465)- [X]

<dragondyne> doritos are just as good though
<dragondyne> but the residue on your hands SUCKS ASS
<Mog116> yeah
<dragondyne> you need gloves to eat them
<AvaLance204> Yes doritos mess up your hands
<shadow> I don't mind the residue
<Mog116> dorito residue sucks
dragondyne> they should come with a pair of latex gloves
<dragondyne> they would sell more
<shadow> I usually eat chips when I'm not using my hands
<shadow> er
<AvaLance204> :o
<shadow> you know what I mean
<AvaLance204> lofl
<dragondyne> wtf
<shadow> when I'm not using my hands for anything else
<Mog116> what
<shadow> ah crap
<shadow> screw it
<dragondyne> do you stick your head in the bag and rotate or something

#107477 +(156)- [X]

<@London> and you're 18, a little early to be making a huge deal out of a 5 month relationship
<%KiK`Grieving> Normally I would agree, but even though it's been only 5 months, it seems like so much more.
<+Spazz> He plays quake and idles in a channel on netfrag.  Having a girlfriend is like.. a status.  Puts you above the rest.  When you lose that status, it sucks.  :p
<%KiK`Grieving> Indeed.

#109306 +(291)- [X]

<Phylitsa> bath, brb
<Kiz> videotaping innocent teenagers. brb

#158773 +(341)- [X]

<Iced_Eyes> Hi, Renegade.
<Renegade> s4wp 1c3d_1z?!?!?!?!?
<Renegade> sorry, i had to counteract your grammer

#189209 +(233)- [X]

<aux_> i got gigs like i got ladies
<c0al> ? ur hard drive crashed/
<c0al> ??

#255209 +(1394)- [X]

<arsifoofoo> you know...
<arsifoofoo> people rub corn on themselves for skin therapy
<arsifoofoo> "hard pore cornography"

#424364 +(1777)- [X]

* halocy goes for laundry like the good house-bitch she is
[a few mins later]
<halocy> my bf's socks are all kinda ... crunchy
<halocy> wtf?
<halocy> his feet must sweat a lot
<rvrsl> haha
<smashi> ew
<smashi> hehe
<smashi> are you sure it's
<smashi> SWEAT!
* smashi giggles
<halocy> what else would it be?

#433425 +(-926)- [X]

[30/10/04 00:32:41] Tinkerbell :
last funny for the day
George Bush is visiting the Queen of England.
He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are
there any tips you can give me?"
"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself
with intelligent people."
Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really
intelligent?"
The Queen takes a sip of tea.
"Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle.
The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send The Prime Minister
in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walks into the room. "Your Majesty..."
The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have
a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Blair answers, "That would be me!"
"Yes! Very good!" says the Queen.
Back at the White House, Bush calls in his vice president, Dick Cheney.
"Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's
not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," says the vice president. "Let me get back to you on that
one."
Dick Cheney goes to his advisers and asks every one, but none can give him
an answer.
Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in
the next stall.
Dick shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have
a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy. It's me!"
Dick Cheney smiles. "Thanks!"
Cheney goes back to the Oval Office and asks to speak with Bush.
"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin
Powell."
Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick Cheney, and angrily yells into his face,
"No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

#635590 +(1085)- [X]

<&TwoZero> so.. the internet at work died completely and after trying to fix it I said fuck it and went home
<&TwoZero> and ran netstumbler on the bus.. and found 336 accesspoints
<&TwoZero> the bus stopped in front of a church, and the SSID 'satans partyhouse' appeared
<&TwoZero> must be some student living next to it or something

#646042 +(1501)- [X]

<tyrius> i have no job, no car, no gf
<tyrius> its 4am, sitting in my parents basement
<tyrius> my fingers are now permanent orange from the cheetos, and so is my wang (dont ask)
<tyrius> and dont you hate it when you step in a puddle of cum, then step in leftover dry ramen on the floor
<tyrius> if you let this shit dry, its impossible to get off. like instant liquid cement
<tyrius> ...
<tyrius> hello
<ef_slinky> You make me feel so good about my life right now. Thank you.

#647694 +(739)- [X]

<HorseC> parrots are like children... you spend 2-3 years teaching them to talk, then the rest of your life wishing you never did.

#700015 +(274)- [X]

<nonplused> guys
<nonplused> what starts up apache on reboot
<quadra> hmm it sounds like a native american thing
<quadra> so the answer must be Alcohol

#763869 +(1710)- [X]

<nOmAd93-8> oh, I've lost a ke.-button on m. ke.board... which is after "x" and before "z"!!
<68-bbb> there aren't any keys between z and x, dumbass

#789761 +(183)- [X]

<@plik> when life hands you lemons...
<redmatch> bring out the bacardi cola ?

#794278 +(107)- [X]

<JohnDough> man being an athiest is so awesome, as long as you don't tell anybody
<JohnDough> i testified against my stepmom (whom i hate) in a trial today
<Forlorn> what did she do?
<JohnDough> nothing
<JohnDough> but the jury sure as hell thinks she did

0.0541 20982 quotes approved; 4849 quotes pending
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