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#447 +(447)- [X]

<SSr2> what's pr0n?

#531 +(947)- [X]

<Fustard> i should take a picture of my penis like orion, and give it away as a present
<w3nis> maybe you shouldnt
<DigDug> yeah, maybe you shouldn't
<Fustard> yeah maybe i shouldnt

#559 +(289)- [X]

[05:45pm] [+xvize] yea aol's supposed to be harder to trace

#619 +(412)- [X]

*** zaney was kicked by Ash (I know you're not stupid! Don't think you can fool me!)
*** Ash sets mode: +b *!*zane@*.cyberverse.com
<hypr> hahaahhaha
<Ash> [13:35] <zaney> whats the greatest nation in the world?
<Ash> [13:36] <Ash> Mexico!
<Ash> [13:36] <zaney> uriNATION HAW YOU idiot!@
<Ash> [13:36] <zaney> hahahahhaa
<Ash> [13:36] <zaney> thats funny
<Ash> [13:36] <zaney> urination is peee btw
<Ash> [13:36] <zaney> pee jokes own

#1345 +(1557)- [X]

<Orm-Riva> I knew a man who had sex with a helicopter once.
<Illandir> ...
<Orm-Riva> Alright, I didn't, I lied to try to impress you.

#1910 +(213)- [X]

(phosphor) run nekid through new york screaming "my clothes were on flight 11"

#3199 +(288)- [X]

<atomic__> i wish i had a .no hostname so i could act stupid and no one would ever question why i acted the way i did

#3749 +(274)- [X]

<Mir> I'm based on a true story
<eldee> mir: what book? kamasutra for homos? :)
<Mir> no....
<Mir> not a book
<Mir> I'm based on the Story of Dave. The guy that was.
<eldee> the guy that was _____? (gay?)
<eldee> bwahahhaa
<boozie> hahaha
<Mir> no
<Mir> the guy that was.   theres no more words, I put the . in there.
<eldee> dang
<eldee> he's right.
<eldee> punctuation's a bitch
<boozie> poop

#4157 +(63)- [X]

<Konami> Washing makes my vagina smell less strong. Going several days with no washing results in a more pungent vagina. Most people could probably have guessed that.

#5030 +(658)- [X]

<clay> i read the word "c'mon" in a comic book
<clay> so i went to my mom
<clay> and said
<clay> mom, what does c'mon mean, and i pronounced it like semen

#6228 +(2000)- [X]

<TotAffen> On a scale from 1 to 10, I'm so drunk.

#6501 +(1120)- [X]

<chin|werk> its not video games fault that its a lot of fun to kill people

#6655 +(215)- [X]

<arfer> sticks and stones may break my bones but life contingencies and statistics are pure shit

#8265 +(650)- [X]

* The_Paco went to the GE appliance store today, crouch-walked up to one of the large black super-fridges, ran my hand over it while humming the theme to 2001, stood up, and smacked my bud... they threw us out shortly thereafter.

#10116 +(834)- [X]

Greg um...: west is that way.. --->
juggalett_chick: no thats north here
Greg um...: not my fault your monitor is facing the wrong way...

#10659 +(512)- [X]

<pplante> it doesnt seem to be getting sent to the client
<pplante> hmm what to do what to do
<omega> beat your head repeatedly with a steel post.
<pplante> tried that
<pplante> it didnt solve the problem though
<omega> do it harder, it will solve mine.
<pplante> die

#11385 +(220)- [X]

[@Dz[Here]] Did you see Episode 2?
[@Dz[Here]] You'll want to have SEX with Natalie Portman after it
[@Dz[Here]] I seriously thing that... uh... $calc(($150 million / $7) / 2) guys want to have sex with her!

#13576 +(223)- [X]

<Darth-Phenom> I've just realised something which you'll find quite remarkable
<Darth-Phenom> This place sucks

#14201 +(110)- [X]

slightlypissed : I once got hit on by an old man when I was leaving a cicuit city :(
sourgirldaisey : hahahah
sourgirldaisey : did you get his number?
sourgirldaisey : :)
slightlypissed : no, I kinda just walked faster

#14710 +(-157)- [X]

<zombie-x> nothing wrong with a little punanny in yer fuckin mouth
<zombie-x> suck that clit like a fuckin tequila worm

#26661 +(680)- [X]

<JoeSCHM0E> i cook so badly, we pray AFTER meals

#34312 +(151)- [X]

<madsen> is there an online Perl-manual that resemples the php-manual. (God! That manual can bring a grown man to his knees.)
* madsen panics.
<madsen> I'm in love with a manual...!

#36186 +(-21)- [X]

<dranyam> Okay, my quote on bash.org is not mine

#36325 +(51)- [X]

<Snio> pathetic !!!!
<Snio> PENIS ENLARGEMENT PILLS = Lost dollars
<DawaiDOOM> you tried them?
<Snio> no ! of course !
<Snio> lol
<p0s> *LOG*
*** Parts: Snio (~jne@Mix-Bordeaux-208-2-43.abo.wanadoo.fr)

#36602 +(166)- [X]

<Lilmuckers> ever had a wank in school where it hits the blackboard?
<ibor132> i hate those

#36702 +(741)- [X]

<copernicu> what are bad noises for hard drives to make?
* copernicu has quit IRC (Read error: 54 (Connection reset by peer))

#43684 +(194)- [X]

<SteamedHams> linux fags are like normal fags, only more efficient

#57161 +(136)- [X]

<Babau> Anyone know how to enable overburn in Nero?
<live-evil> theres a big button with overburn written on it
<live-evil> press that
<Babau> Is it the big red one?
<live-evil> yer
<Babau> Alright, I'm going to press it.
*** live-evil was kicked by Babau (I pressed it.)

#57829 +(1723)- [X]

<PigsCantFly> SO MY MUM WAS LIKE "CLEAN YOUR ROOM" AND IM LIKE "NO WAY FACIST" IM THE PUNKEST
<@K0ffing> THEN I SAID I'M 12 NOW MUM I CAN STAY OUT AS LONG AS I LIKE AND SHE SAID GO TO YOUR ROOM SO I STABBED HER WITH MY LINKIN PARK PEN
<PigsCantFly> D00D MY MUM SAID SHE DOESNT WANT ME SKATING IN THE HOUSE BUT I WAS LIKE NO WAY HITLER AND I KICK-FLIPPED TO INDY GRIND ON THE CAT

#76734 +(241)- [X]

<Malefecent> I want to see Blue Man Group
<mrLang> Buy a drum set and watch the Smurfs.  Same thing.

#81917 +(356)- [X]

<Tetsuo> I've given up doubting the search phrases you say people find your site by. You can't possibly make stuff that stupid up.
<CommanderStab> Oh yeh?! Check this joke out for size!
<Tetsuo> Oh Lord, what have I done now? ^_-
<CommanderStab> "What's the difference between a tax cheat and a corpse?"
<CommanderStab> "One's a Fed Ducker, and the other's a..."
<CommanderStab> ...Shit, I forgot how it ends.....
<Tetsuo> I take it all back.

#104452 +(103)- [X]

<Silmor> Hello Kitty is so tainted... imagine someone giving your six year old daughter a hello kitty purse and you lashing out at them "For fucks sake man, she's only 6!!"

#119542 +(339)- [X]

<BoneCollector> well americanisation is quite big in SA
<BoneCollector> all the youngsters hear want to be like the Americans, especially with the black kids
<mog> that's funny
<mog> all the white kids here want to be africans
<mog> who would have thought

#137303 +(499)- [X]

<Techdeck> note to self: www.manpages.com is NOT an online resource to get *nix man pages

#144827 +(246)- [X]

* punxy has joined #emo
<punxy> hi all
<_John> hi
<_John> do you have a vagina?
* punxy has quit IRC (Read error: No route to host)
<_John> asking people if they have a vagina is a new h4x0ring technique to crash people boxes

#183340 +(2050)- [X]

<%Hamtaro> I tried to register the AIM name "Your mother"
<%Hamtaro> And got this
<%Hamtaro> Create a Screen Name
<%Hamtaro> 
<%Hamtaro> Sorry, Your mother is already in use

#192099 +(622)- [X]

(Crazy) my shampoo is for blonde people :/
(topher) the instructions are in big letters ?

#239578 +(278)- [X]

<Tigs> does anyone have a ruler i can borrow?

#290466 +(2727)- [X]

<raven> Any cat people here? I've got a problem with Nicky...
<Leth> I've been known to be handy with a wok
<Lore> Why, I'm a cat person.
<raven> I took Morgan to the vet yesterday - he was gone for a total of 45 minutes, got two vaccs and a blood draw.
<raven> Brought him home and Nicky went BALLISTIC.
<raven> Spent the rest of the night yowling and hissing and attacking MOrgan.
<CrazyClimber> nicky smells the hospital smells on morgan
<Lore> Yeah, I've seen that happen.
<raven> Is there anything I can do to get the hospital stink off him, then? Pack his carrier in coffe grounds or something?
<tieboy> how about a bath
<CrazyClimber> just give it a day or so
<Lore> We tried catnip and butter, and neither worked.
<agent_orange> butter?
<agent_orange> you buttered your cat?
<Lore> Yes.
<raven> it's the best way to butter the house.
<raven> Cats are effective butter delivery units.
<Lore> We read somewhere to put butter on a cat's forehead.
<agent_orange> did the emolient facilitate insertion?
<Lore> And the other cat licks it off, and likes the first cat, because it tastes like butter.
<Lore> As I said, it didn't work.
<agent_orange> you read sopmewhere to put butter on the cats foreWHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING
<tieboy> rub the two cats together vigorously until they smell like each other
<agent_orange> piss on them both at the same time
<tieboy> KITTY TASTES LIKE BUTTER
<raven> It's more fun to put tape on their feet.
<agent_orange> why not do both
<agent_orange> and then get out the handycam
<Lore> I believe what I was thinking was "Maybe it will work. And even if it doesn't, I get to butter the cat's forehead."
<agent_orange> AFHV would *love* some footage of sticky-pawed, freshly buttered cats trying in vain to avoid a stream of steaming miller lite
<Samwise> You know what helps with feuding cats, Lore? Sending me lots of cash.
<agent_orange> now, see, I read somewhere --
<agent_orange> I think it was leviticus
<agent_orange> -- that what you should do is frost them
<agent_orange> betty crocker, right out of the can
<raven> Chocolate or buttercream?
<Leth> rave: go chocolate, buttercreme isn't pareve
<CrazyClimber> you're frosting meat?
<agent_orange> and then there'a always Cat Wellington
<agent_orange> "What are you doing in the kitchen, dear?" "Just buttering the cat, pumpkin!"
<agent_orange> "Why don't you baste the chicken while you're at it, too, dear?" "Baste the ... *light bulb* ...Sure! Sure, I'll 'baste the chicken'!"
<CrazyClimber> a google images search for "buttered cat" returns a picture of isaac hayes
<agent_orange> chocolate salty cat balls

#296099 +(2)- [X]

Sonsquidku: You know how people always say "it could be worse"?
theonewhotells: yea
Sonsquidku: Could it get worse than the holocaust?
Sonsquidku: Was there a guy going "it could be worse" while they were being fed into the gas chambers?

#341298 +(740)- [X]

<Raven> YOU LIAR ENJOI
<Raven> gayanal.com not a warez!

#626251 +(167)- [X]

<Gorsha> im starting to get pissed with photobucket
<Gorshal> i drew a simple picture and posted it in photobucket and it still shrank the picture to be tiny
<Gorshal> i cant figure out wtf the problem is
<PG> try uploading a pic of your penis
<PG> it's the one thing small enough photobucket won't shrink

#638703 +(615)- [X]

[Jack SkeIIington] my knees have rugburns
[Jack SkeIIington] from giving out endless blowjobs
[p-iv] wear knee-pads
[rahahda] "job interview pads"

#745889 +(506)- [X]

<nista> i was explaining to a claimant why a defendant was being sued
<nista> i told him that the defendant violated a federal statute
<nista> he said "VIOLATED A FEDERAL STATUE?!? WHICH ONE, THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL?!?"

#756658 +(428)- [X]

<RustyBridge> does the NotePad ever run out
<ArtoSaari> lmao?
<RustyBridge> ?

#764724 +(710)- [X]

<mi09>this spam generator is great. i sent out a million emails for my product
<jives_>how'd it go?
<mi09>great! i gat a 10% return rate
<jives>thats really high!
<mi09>yeah. a hundred thousand people telling me to fuck off

#909853 +(3267)- [X]

Crimson_Judas: I overheard this chick at lunch talking to a friend
Crimson_Judas: About how she had to terminate her pregnancy when she was young, and now that she's ready for children she can't get pregnant
lemonlimeskull: Classic case of ABORT, RETRY, FAIL.

#945854 +(1272)- [X]

<onwsk8r>FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK
<onwsk8r>Holy buckets of fuck!
<onwsk8r>my neighbors that were leeching off my wireless must have fuckin moved or got their own internet or something.. No route to host.
<onwsk8r>I was keeping like 300 gigs of pr0n, movies, and some files for work that I didn't have room for on their computer!
<onwsk8r>I need an ARP for MAC addresses :(

#962920 +(591)- [X]

<Ilikehorses> dude... how do u play this game?
<Xenocideophile> it's a chat room for programmers
<Ilikehorses> i know THAT
<Xenocideophile> then you're good to go
<Ilikehorses> no no no how do I make a game
<Xenocideophile> depends
<Ilikehorses> ...?
<Xenocideophile> Depends what language you want to use to start off with
<Ilikehorses> american

#962974 +(234)- [X]

< froggey> which is another dependency, and another place for people to fuck up and send me bug reports
< aejsmith> solution: don't get users
< aejsmith> they're all terrible, so just avoid that problem by not having anyone use your software
< froggey> I'm trying! I'm building the weirdest and most useless possible software and yet people still want to use it
< froggey> I don't understand it at all

0.0603 21090 quotes approved; 549 quotes pending
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