#347 +(378)- [X]
(@bart`) bwhahhahahahahah. i think they should send that little girl from the pepsi commercials to cuba too
#1142 +(571)- [X]
<BlackDeth> "Disabling this device will cause it to stop functioning. Is this what you want?"
#1897 +(1335)- [X]
<gaspumpXP> Man... what kind of RPG is this? It won't let me rape the sheep...
#3599 +(323)- [X]
<xeiro> O_6: what does updating your kernel actaully do
<O_6> xeiro, gets me the chicks
#4174 +(321)- [X]
<PapiChu1o> i only like DreamWeaver because it takes away the pain of staring at text
<S5474> I use a text based editor because it takes the pain away of pointing and clicking ;)
#4916 +(7191)- [X]
<Polytope> tetris is so unrealistic
#6301 +(330)- [X]
<rewben> wh00t, i made online fax server yo
<rewben> it even w0rkz
<m0f73> theres no h in w00t
#7201 +(416)- [X]
<@WatchDragon> dude, i am like -- that close to having my boating licence
<@motardo> dude, you are like -- that close to having a mullet
#7435 +(531)- [X]
<Owyn> I can't double click on a folder to open it.
<Owyn> THat's not a good thing.
<Phuser> keep the chat running man JUST KEEP THE CHAT RUNNING!
*** Owyn has quit IRC (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
* Phuser throws his hands in the air
<Phuser> WHY GOD, WHY?!
#7555 +(44)- [X]
[anakin] man i love microsoft visio
[Bayls] yeah, and thanks for answering my question about it earlier. :)
[anakin] what question did you have?
[Bayls] how well does it sniff out your network and give you a diagram with Ipaddresses etc?
[Bayls] is it visio enterprise?
[anakin] not sure, i havent tried it yet
[anakin] na i only have professional
[Bayls] It should say it on the box. if it says "enterprise", it's the enterpr.... ooooh, there IS NO BOX, is there? :)
[anakin] does error checking etc too for ERD, data flow, structure charts, etc too
[annie] you have NO idea what he just said, do you bayls? ;)
[anakin] even gives you an output box at the bottom telling you any errors as you go along ... like a compiler .. heh
[Bayls] yeah, he said it's got a spell checker or something in it.
#8046 +(43)- [X]
<norab> id fuck your leg to cryt but i havent read how to do actions yet
#8367 +(146)- [X]
<AsylumXKP> http://www.goats.cx is no longer the most mentioned URL in this channel
#9900 +(321)- [X]
<clemmy> DarkFader: warning! reading of this line triggers a hidden routine in your brain and you will forget some of the information stored there
<clemmy> DF: it worked, right?
<Costis> cl, ahahahahahahahaha
<DarkFader> what did work?
<clemmy> DF: I knew it would
<Costis> cl, ahahahaha! good joke :D
#9953 +(43)- [X]
<mode> during cyber sex you quiz your partner to see how intelligent they are
<HOTTIE_309> quiz me
<HOTTIE_309> quiz me
#24958 +(401)- [X]
<Swish> the C5 military cargo plane?
<iban> that's what my mom's boyfriend used to pilot
<iban> yea the C5
<Swish> cooool :D
<iban> he said that when it loads it lowers the body down and opens the front and back
<iban> its' the only plane that gets down on all fours to take it from both ends
#25572 +(55)- [X]
<unknown> A Blow Job Is Better Then No Job...
#33534 +(-221)- [X]
<G-R-G> Let me shit into a boot then make you eat the leather to get to the turds...then stick a butt plug in your penis and ass and have you eat my shit..then when it's time to shit out the shit, I wanna see the butt plug fly across the room at 80 mph
#33691 +(321)- [X]
<ThaMax> Do you want to marry me?
<Cheetara> Who are you ?
<ThaMax> Sorry, you helped me out on #linux once.
#37502 +(229)- [X]
<RichiH> lilo: benjamin == fork(lilo) ?
* lilo nods
<lilo> he's a child process
<lilo> eventually he'll have his own process group though
#40441 +(244)- [X]
<@CC-Myshra> (Your Mom) + (Your Dad) + (Your Dog) = You
<+[PQ3]UlTiMaTeP> no wonder i like to drink out of the toilet
#40948 +(167)- [X]
<Kimaroo> the pathetic side of being a nerd: http://www.bash.org/?7755
<Mike`away> bash is back up??
<Kimaroo> no i'm just givin out dead links
#41668 +(88)- [X]
<Veers> I guess they don't teach bathroom manners in Africa
<Donitz> Veers, newsflash, they don't have bathrooms in Africa.
#47792 +(570)- [X]
<teh_xero> Elderly man robs pharmacy for the fourth time. Makes off with full stock of Viagra once again
<OrgnGrndr> talk about a "hardened criminal"
#48418 +(1621)- [X]
<Rottencrotch> h0k do u have months in holland?
<hokhokk> no we only have minutes
<hokhokk> its 238472893765 today
#49660 +(221)- [X]
<Radiosity> Mom sells baby for $2,000, buys VCR and PlayStations
<Frizlefry> who'd actually buy a baby?
<Frizlefry> like I want to take care of someone else's kid
<Frizlefry> I mean, the only way I'd buy a baby is if I were a pedophile or a cannibal
<Frizlefry> BUT MAYBE THAT'S JUST ME
<Radiosity> or both!
<Frizlefry> yes. tenderize the shit out of it before cooking
#52174 +(187)- [X]
<JynxDaddy> 3boy should i get it 2nd hand?
<Threeboy> its a book man.
<Threeboy> the worst thing that can be in it is semen.
<Threeboy> go for it.
#57443 +(118)- [X]
<Yaleman> omg.. you should see a netsplit / join on a warez channel with over 3000 people in it... intense
<Yaleman> it's like a rollercoaster ride man
#63077 +(177)- [X]
<mindstorms> i do what i please and i please who i do.
#75832 +(1094)- [X]
<+nexx> im thinking of quitting university to spend my life reading every quote on bash.org, quote this on bash so when im 30 ill read this and remember where my life went wrong.
#81695 +(127)- [X]
* Veng notices that "shock and awe" is an anagram of A Shack 0wned :)
(@Veng): sums it up really
#111805 +(695)- [X]
<netw3rkd> i was going through my parents dresser and found a sock full of weed and took some
<netw3rkd> oh shit my mom is behind me
*** netw3rkd has Quit (Connection reset by peer)
#127713 +(1378)- [X]
<einzeln> has anyone ever noticed that when you talk to people online, for some reason by the way they type they just seem like a MORON?
<BuCkWhEaT> before poop: (_*_)
<BuCkWhEaT> after poop: (_O_)
* einzeln coughs
#136867 +(213)- [X]
*** Nezzie (~firstname.lastname@example.org) has joined #phphelp
<Nezzie> Wow they really need to put a warning label on that.
<Nezzie> apparantly /sbin/fastboot should be called /sbin/fastREboot
#138604 +(422)- [X]
<cortXbomb> yo, I need some good shit to put on my resume that makes it look lilke I use my computers for more than general piracy
#152355 +(520)- [X]
<xcham> what I love is how leonardo never manages to stab anyone.
<grassmunk> so you believe the part about fucking turtles living on pizza and standing 5 feet tall but the guy with swords doesnt stab anyone and it ruins the realite for you
#200726 +(1683)- [X]
Velociraptor: Do you have ne updog?
SAMrhodes87: What the fuck is UPDOG?
Velociraptor: nuthin much wha bout u?
#245777 +(403)- [X]
<Soulcleaver> Once me, my dad, and some of his employees were having a racist joke contest, but midway through we remembered we were still in Wendy's.
#274037 +(13)- [X]
* Sabdo listens to Meat Loaf - Atkins? I FUCKING ATE HIM
#297120 +(1825)- [X]
niteowl7710: When I went to the website to see what the current cover
niteowl7710: And I got a pop-up from Spice.net...offering me (and I quote)
niteowl7710: MONSTER TITS -- THE LARGEST BREASTS ALLOWED BY LAW
enigmamofm: "By law?"
niteowl7710: That sir, is what it said
enigmamofm: There's some sort of regulatory legislature on this issue?
niteowl7710: I'm not sure but I now have a new goal in life
niteowl7710: Figure out how to get a job in the Department of Health & Human Services (makes sense to me)
niteowl7710: In the "Breast Measurement Bureau"
niteowl7710: I'm sorry ma'am but those are just too large, I'm going to have to fine you
niteowl7710: Well yes Ms. I'm sure this does just seem like titty fucking, but I assure you is a valuable tool we use here at the B.M.B.
enigmamofm: You are a credit to you community sir.
#375045 +(621)- [X]
<Fuxm> You know what i wanna do?
<Fuxm> i wanna photoshop a picture of me to make it look like im having gay sex with matt
<rX> WTF why??
<Fuxm> ...and then put it where i keep my weed so if my parents ever find it they wont care about the weed.
<rX> make two copies and put one in a rogers video case and return it to the one he works at
#412376 +(2008)- [X]
<CommanderStab> Lee (Bleeding) had this cool-sounding lecturer once
<CommanderStab> They were in like some biology class or whatever and the guy was like
<CommanderStab> "Very few species partake in sex for pleasure. Can you think of some such species?"
<CommanderStab> So everyone is like, duh, humans
<CommanderStab> "Yes, exactly, humans! Humans are not bound by some mating pattern, they will often merely have sex just for the enjoyment of it!"
<CommanderStab> "So, for example, if I was to ask this girl" (points to some girl in the first row) "if she would have sex with me, she would say yes"
<Tiger-Rik> lol ^^"
<CommanderStab> and the girl is like covering her face and everything =D
<CommanderStab> And then the dude waits for the laughter to die down and goes
<CommanderStab> "Of course, this is rare. Most of the time it is the GIRL who asks ME to have sex with THEM!"
<CommanderStab> He got an ovation =D
#448637 +(724)- [X]
<@KrayWolf> Microsoft Windows: A thirty-two bit extension and graphical shell to a sixteen-bit patch to an eight-bit operating system originally coded for a four-bit microprocessor which was written by a two-bit company that can't stand one bit of competition.
#525122 +(1764)- [X]
<monarch> the other day i skipped church and went to get something to eat at 7-11
<monarch> i paid with a 10 and recieved $6.66 in change.
<monarch> am i going to hell?
<qbert> almost certainly
#561141 +(1885)- [X]
<quadropheniac57> so we're talking about aboriginal symbols in school today
<quadropheniac57> and i tell my group that i read it was bad luck to kill an emu, except i say emo on accident
<quadropheniac57> so i laugh and say "actually, it's pretty good luck to kill an emo"
<quadropheniac57> this girl, overweight, dyed black hair, eyeshadow, not goth but close
<quadropheniac57> says "no, emo is sad. emo is short for emotional"
<quadropheniac57> so i respond "no, emo is short for stupid"
<quadropheniac57> she says "no, it's for emotional. emo people are emotional beings who live that way to relieve their pain"
<quadropheniac57> i say "emo people are self-absorbed attention-seeking idiots who listen to crappy music"
<quadropheniac57> rest of class, she gives me the most dark and depressed death glare
<quadropheniac57> THE WHOLE REST OF CLASS, that's like 45 minutes, she's just death-looking me, not even turning her head
<quadropheniac57> i swear, she's gonna kill herself this weekend, and it's all my fault
<civilpunkbikes> good luck coming your way
#649296 +(1709)- [X]
Iridium24: If there is one thing i can do, its multitask
#867713 +(2054)- [X]
-About 3 minutes later-
<Yodo> Woot 1000 spins
<Yodo> This game needs highscore table and ingame chat
<Devildrake> Dude wtf, it's a shock site, not a game...
#894334 +(642)- [X]
<BobbyJenkins> Any GLBT fellow Scots going to the Pride Scotia March at the end of this month in Edinburgh?
<Sensationalism> I take it you are going? If I go to any Pride events this year, it'll be my first. I'm excited!
<BobbyJenkins> I was going to but I found out I've got work.
<Lost-Chances> Call in gay.
#904758 +(2483)- [X]
<RetardedMonkey> How would you pronounce this child's name?
<RetardedMonkey> She spells her name..... "Le-a"
<RetardedMonkey> This child attends a school in Livingston Parish, LA..
<RetardedMonkey> Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
<RetardedMonkey> She says it's pronounced.................
<RetardedMonkey> When the Mother was asked how in the world did she figured it should be pronounced that way....... she said....
<RetardedMonkey> ..."cause the dash don't be silent!"
<RetardedMonkey> English language is gone forever
#962960 +(-91)- [X]
SKoertig: I am trapped in a Bank of America please send help
SKoertig: They do not have a bathroom
SKoertig: I may die in this place.
Artilicer: they let me use their bathroom
Artilicer: last time when I was bleeding from the mouth thanks to wisdom teeth removal
SKoertig: I think they literally have no toilet.
Artilicer: do they use the mouths of their customers or
SKoertig: These are accountants. I am fairly certain they do not poop.
SKoertig: Their buttholes are purely recreational in purpose.
Artilicer: how convenient
SKoertig: Please poop in my buttholehhfuffjrqqow
SKoertig: Sorry one of the tellers stole my phone for a second
Reuben Sandwich: fyi, the bathroom is not in the safe
SKoertig: I escaped. No prison can hold me
#965693 +(-313)- [X]
<yuritrue> you can connect over tor i think if you use sasl
<yuritrue> don't quote me on that though