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#684 +(919)- [X]

<C-B0> i put a toad in the freezer... it peed then froze to the bottem...
       then my mom like screamed at me for a week or 2.. it ruled

#1275 +(514)- [X]

<iis> exploit me

#1341 +(308)- [X]

<SPD-DMN> i wanna get a 6.5L turbo-diesel and like.. put it into a honda accord
<SPD-DMN> or is that.. put a honda accord into a 6.5L turbo-diesel?

#1524 +(314)- [X]

(lo^fi) ok who thinks the "burning schoolhouse" that comes in boxes of fireworks sux ass
(tiko) bill: I do
(dawly) me too :)
(superdave) bill you just have to soak it with gas first

#4016 +(362)- [X]

<djglitch> i'm thinking about getting the front desk chix number just to see if i still have it in me
<djglitch> she is sexy
<tyne> lol
<tyne> u got her number
<tyne> "0"

#7308 +(245)- [X]

<DarkImportGrey> god there's nothing greater than using people to your advantage
<DarkImportGrey> well... bowel movements are quite rewarding...
<DarkImportGrey> but it's close
<DarkImportGrey> manipulation vs. dumping
<DarkImportGrey> i guess i'd have to do both at once to see which would win

#7765 +(407)- [X]

<n> i bet that game is gonna sell huge
<n> just cause people will be like... ah well its only $20
<faz__> well its fun, they deserve it
<anathema> yeah
<Stonefire[i]> now that n opened his mouth, it's gonna tank
<faz__> haha
<anathema> haha
<koko> bahaha
<Stonefire[i]> ya jinx'd it
<faz__> sam sells 6 copies
<n> oh yeah?
<n> well in that case
<n> i bet stonefire will get laid soon

#8583 +(926)- [X]

<sugar> if superman and batman got into a fight, who would win?
<muffins> well, superman wears his undies on the outside...batman wears his on his head
<muffins> tough call

#9909 +(150)- [X]

<carl> Best file compression around: 'DEL *.*' = 100% compression

#11009 +(836)- [X]

<Mae|str0m> fuckensonofabitchdamnitalltohellfuckmedeadbastardofaprick.
<Mae|str0m> I just dropped a weight on my foot.
<Mae|str0m> FUCK.
<Mae|str0m> they should make those things lighter.

#11416 +(145)- [X]

<wolfwork> astounding

#22459 +(640)- [X]

<Chucklez|afk> sweet merciful jeesus
<Chucklez|afk> smells like melting plastic in my room
<Ranged> you called?
<Chucklez|afk> I said sweet merciful jesus... not hey dumb little punk bitch
<Ranged> oh
<Ranged> my bad

#23331 +(49)- [X]

<Nicoli>  do you look like avril lavigne, screw like brittany, and talk like shakira?
<Marz>  I look like Miss Cleo, screw like Roseanne, and talk like Fran Dresher.
<Nicoli>  that would have been so hot.. if you spoke like miss cleo..looked like roseanne..and talked like Dudley moore 0.0

#26516 +(378)- [X]

<AndrewB> I personally think the game is unrealistic. If the character finds a Zod rune, why can't he just stick it up his own tailpipe and make himself indestructible?

#27914 +(420)- [X]

<aiko> Whenever I see animal sex on TV, it's always awkward because there's no cheesy porn music in the background.
<aiko> But I guess if they used cheesy porn music, people would automatically start masturbating.

#36711 +(32)- [X]

<Chucklez> we use to stick icecream down our pants =P course it was melted by the time you got outside and far enough away so they didnt see you eating it :/
<moo_nv> ewww
<Asmodeus-AFK> I didn't want to know that
<moo_nv> yeah :(

#36888 +(97)- [X]

<Chubbzilla> naw, i've kinda got past the porn faze now
<Ody> ...
<Ody> I never thought I'd see those words in YOUR chat window O_O

#39231 +(255)- [X]

<D3v1in^jr> i learned just how hardcore goth girls can be last night
<D3v1in^jr> got with this girl sarah...her clit was painted dark purple

#40376 +(399)- [X]

<souletr> god i hate fucking stupid bitches
<souletr> er
<souletr> *hate stupid fucking bitches
<souletr> i'd fuck stupid bitches

#48695 +(-180)- [X]

<orion> goh, despite your new image of being an intelligent nigger
<goh`> yup
<orion> you are still
<orion> a nigger.

#51226 +(182)- [X]

* Kristoph is a 16 year old trance / hard house DJ from sheffield, anyone wanna pretend to be a girl and talk about masturbation?

#51669 +(2022)- [X]

<BlackHawk> LULU: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got no titties
<LULU> You wear pants don't you?

#57198 +(392)- [X]

<ecs> i heard ass and i came as fast as i could
<ecs> oh man...
<ecs> i just realized how terrible that sounded

#59863 +(276)- [X]

<phrenzy> i went to laser force yesterday all that cs made me really good
<a3LegdCat> so you camped like a mofo?

#62192 +(1)- [X]

<D3adlode> I just noticed something; 1337 + 666 = 2003 =O

#71181 +(285)- [X]

(@f00kaG0at) im still trying to figure out how to get to minesweeper
(@f00kaG0at) in xp
(@Yemen) :D
(@f00kaG0at) goddamn new start menu
(@Yemen) yeh
(@Yemen) it confused me for a couple of days too
(@f00kaG0at) ive had it 5 months
(@Yemen) oh
(@Yemen) ^_^

#74691 +(303)- [X]

<Gartt> hows the job hunt going?
<Lubey> lol not too great
<Lubey> theres sod all
<Gartt> I hear mcdonalds are looking for hard working enthusiastic individuals
<Lubey> id cook my own dick before working in a mcdonalds
* Kittie-Ash hands Lubey a small guillotine
<Lubey> small?!?!?!?!!??!

#75154 +(8146)- [X]

<Galactic>  you know what's ALWAYS bothered me? cold cereal mascots
<Galactic>  I mean that is just some FUCKED UP SHIT
<Galactic>  the Trix rabbit, for example
<Galactic>  I dunno man... if I were him I'd be fucking KILLING some kids
<Galactic>  I remember a commercial where the fuckin rabbit WENT INTO A FUCKIN STORE AND BOUGHT A BOX OF TRIX WITH HIS OWN FUCKIN MONEY.
<Galactic>  fuckin kids came outta NOWHERE and basically fuckin mug the poor stupid bitch rabbit
<Galactic>  "silly rabbit Trix are for kids"
<Galactic>  Fuckin rabbit just sits there and looks depressed.
<Galactic>  FUCK NO that wouldn't fly with me
<Galactic>  I'd have pimp-slapped EVERY ONE OF those fuckin bitches
<Galactic>  and made them go get me the REST of a "complete breakfast" and eat Trix right in front of them bitches and THEN beat the shit out of them some more.
<Galactic>  and wtf is with the disguises? All the dumb rabbit does is hide his ears and all of a sudden he's a fuckin kid?
<Galactic>  I dunno about you, but if I SAW a 6 foot fuckin RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap, I wouldn't immediately think
<Galactic>  "Hey, there's a cool lookin human kid, let me go over and share some of my cereal with him"
<Galactic>  NO.
<Galactic>  I'd be thinking
<Galactic>  "that's a 6 foot fuckin RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap... what the FUCK was I just smoking?"
<Galactic>  another thing... wtf is up with cereal being "A part of this complete breakfast"
<Galactic>  last time -I- checked, cereal WAS breakfast
<Galactic>  they show a big ass bowl of frosted flakes next to a waffle, a pancake, toast, a banana, a fuckin grapefruit... who the FUCK eats a breakfast that big
<Flaming_Duck>  not me
<Flaming Duck>  I don't even EAT breakfast nomore
<Flaming_Duck>  I mean, I eat when I get up
<Flaming_Duck>  but the whole thought "BREAKFAST IS ONLY SERVED UNTIL SUCH AND SUCH TIME"
<FLaming_Suck>  bitch, you make my fucking sausage and egg sandwich when I pay you the fucking money
<Flaming_Duck>  don't give me that shit.
<Galactic>  Back to stupid cereal mascots...
<Galactic>  Lucky Charms.
<Galactic>  Lucky can turn the fucking MOON into a marshmallow, and he can't escape a bunch of fucking 6 year olds?!?!?
<Galactic>  C'mon now, Lucky.
<Galactic>  I KNOW your bitch ass has got to have a "Blow the fucking kids up" spell SOMEWHERE
<Galactic>  or make "kid marshamllows" and EAT those bitches.
<Galactic>  "They're after me Lucky Charms!"
<Galactic>  ....
<Galactic>  KILL THEM, BITCH!
<Galactic>  I dunno why I went off on this rant here
<Galactic>  it's just always bothered me."

#80322 +(2144)- [X]

<DarkKnight> I came home on Sunday night and I found my mom staring at me and looking annoyed.
<DarkKnight> I smelled her cooking and asked what she cooked and she responded by saying, "I didn't make any food for you!"
<DarkKnight> She seemed very pissed so I decide to go downstairs to avoid her.
<DarkKnight> When I was just about to leave she asked me if I bought a new game. I had no clue what she was talking about, so I said no.
<DarkKnight> "You sure? " she said, "nothing Male to Male?"
<DarkKnight> I was very confused and disturbed by this question because my mom seemed to be accusing me of being gay.
<DarkKnight> I said no again and she told me she found a box that said male to male on it.
<DarkKnight> I stood there and thought for a minute and then I realized what she was talking about. I ran downstairs and showed her what she looked at:
<DarkKnight> It was the box for my male-to-male s-video cord. My mom thought I was gay because I bought an s-video cord.
<silverpig> Just for kicks, you should leave the box for your 3 in 1 KVM cable laying around and she what she says about that.

#81851 +(174)- [X]

<IceCub>  Two British Helicopters have collided
<Smerdyakov>  Cool.  Those Brits know how to have a good time.

#82060 +(130)- [X]

<@A-Patriot-Missile> im gonna blow you.... up
* marley is now known as A-Scud-Missile
<+A-Scud-Missile> no
* A-Scud-Missile was kicked by A-Patriot-Missile (DESTROYED!!!)

#122817 +(775)- [X]

<Vino> I'd jack off in the middle of a circular buttsex chain for a klondike bar
<Brother_Shinobi> ...
<Tempyst> ...
<Keyse|2> ...
<Muffdan> ...

#149692 +(589)- [X]

<TossMonkey> well, people who take a test on the internet to see if they have a personality should already know the answer.

#153623 +(364)- [X]

<rdragon> command.com was the filename of the shell in dos
<ih8uungr8> oh i see its on the internet
<@PMP> What does the internet have to do with any of this?
<ih8uungr8> for www.command.com
<rdragon> *slaps his forehead*
<@PMP> Oh god
<ih8uungr8> how do you type
<ih8uungr8> i tried making it fullscreen but that doesnt work

#162234 +(354)- [X]

<jolt> this sucks
<jolt> i joined #insomniacs, but they're all sleeping

#191121 +(451)- [X]

<brenty> Did you guys know there are boobs on the internet?
brenty> I just found out today.
<En1gma> brent, there is a fundementual flaw in that
<En1gma> you can't grope them!
<En1gma> *shakes head*
<En1gma> man..
<brenty> Like hell I can't!
<brenty> I can print them and put them on a stuffed animal, idiot.

#205595 +(366)- [X]

<The`Artful`Dodger> My fucking physics teacher has a spongebob squarepants poster in his class :|
<The`Artful`Dodger> It says "E = MC Squaredpants"

#233284 +(382)- [X]

<LukeIsTerrified> R. Kelly says: "Osama bin Laden is the only one who knows exactly what I'm going through."
<LukeIsTerrified> I love it.
<Brave-o> He believes he can fly.
<Brave-o> Into buildings.

#239650 +(259)- [X]

<drangdloon> I work on my knees 8-10 hours a day..
<drangdloon> get your minds out of the gutter
<drangdloon> i am a flooring contractor

#309198 +(741)- [X]

«single_14yrold_male» any1 wanna cyber? im almost 16

#450775 +(741)- [X]

Zeon> if we lived together
<Zeon> wed be like.. stephen hawking
<Zeon> merge our combined genius;s
<Street_Prophet> yeah, you'd contribute the retard in a wheelchair part

#458891 +(1519)- [X]

<playamj> I need some creative ways of asking this girl I like to the prom...please post some ideas thanks!
<secks> You can try walking up to her and pushing the use key

#509607 +(1065)- [X]

<Seikun> My friend (mike) bought a sword and bb guns in the states. he tried to bring them over to canada. and they said "the bb guns are a replica of the real ones. so you can't bring them in." "but you can take the sword, because thats not really considered a weapon"

#543728 +(1264)- [X]

(placid|work) i knew a girl that was fat just because of her asthma medication
(@Rayn) what was she taking for asthma ... cheeseburgers?

#604965 +(1558)- [X]

<Nihility> I wanna buy starcraft cereal.
<NoJuice4u> with marshmallow zerglings????
<Inside> kekekekeke sugar rush

#630243 +(955)- [X]

<meeb> what the fuck
<meeb> highly religious client just rang up
<meeb> wants us to automatically take their website down at sunset on a friday until sunrise on a monday
<meeb> as using an online shop is bad and evil over the sabbath

#646042 +(1525)- [X]

<tyrius> i have no job, no car, no gf
<tyrius> its 4am, sitting in my parents basement
<tyrius> my fingers are now permanent orange from the cheetos, and so is my wang (dont ask)
<tyrius> and dont you hate it when you step in a puddle of cum, then step in leftover dry ramen on the floor
<tyrius> if you let this shit dry, its impossible to get off. like instant liquid cement
<tyrius> ...
<tyrius> hello
<ef_slinky> You make me feel so good about my life right now. Thank you.

#724976 +(1926)- [X]

<Green> So I got in my car
<Green> and there was birdshit on my windsheild
<Green> so i got a paper towel and got out to wipe it off
<Green> but it wouldn't come off
<Green> and thats when I realized it was on the INSIDE
<Green> I had a hard time getting to sleep that night

#778845 +(695)- [X]

deusnoctum> I love online pharmacy spam that offer "discrete shipping."  Does that mean they ship every pill individually?

#828460 +(2191)- [X]

<+DethFromAbove> rmuser she is not ugly
<+DethFromAbove> she is fat yeah
<+DethFromAbove> but I saw past that
<+DethFromAbove> I don't know what to call that
<+DethFromAbove> I'm not sure if it's love or what
<@rmuser> gravitational lensing

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