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#665 +(388)- [X]

<reptile-> i like to masturbate
<reptile-> heh
<reptile-> I remember along time ago
<reptile-> when I was like 8 er smthn
<reptile-> my friend was like, "Gay people masturbate." or something
<reptile-> and I was like, "ew.. I'm never doing that!"
<reptile-> !#@$

#2062 +(713)- [X]

<Arsentia> ARRRRRRRGH
<Arsentia> I just lost the fucking picture on my Chem lab!
<Merl> hehehehehe
<Merl> neeeener neeeener ;-)
[Time Passes]
<Merl> FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
<Merl> I just lost my whole fucking ESSAY i wrote this weekend
<Merl> DAMN MS WORD SHIT
<Assasin> wait
<Assasin> Wait a second.
<Assasin> Was it you who was laughing at Arse?

#2300 +(427)- [X]

<Monkie> I am NEVER getting involed with a girl that has a communications problem again
<Monkie> =|
<matts> she didn't know how to use her cell phone?
<Vern> lol
<notlosman> lol
<notlosman> hahahhaah
<Monkie> actaully
<Monkie> yes
<Monkie> =|

#2701 +(579)- [X]

<necrofile> i wonder what happens if u put your playlist in your playlist
<DigDug> OMG DON'T!!!!
<DigDug> THE UNIVERSE WILL COLLAPSE :D

#4380 +(577)- [X]

<Spork> A man looked at me like I was a pervert today. I was checking him out at the store and he had his kids at me I noticed one of his young daughters had her zipper down and you could see the print on her panties, so I pointed it out to him. He looked at me weird for a second then zipped her up.
<Spork> Maybe it's because he thought I also noticed that he was half-erect in his pants.
<Spork> Which he was.

#4790 +(599)- [X]

<DAL9000> my pseudogirlfriend's preacher was like, all over her
<DAL9000> and she's not very liked at her church
<DAL9000> cuz they think she's seducing him
<trep> pseudogirlfriend, haha
<DAL9000> yes
<DAL9000> that's a fancy word for stalking interest.

#5770 +(323)- [X]

<JDigital> Kazz, I think they're pretty obvious going on your reputed dicksize.
<JDigital> Kazz has a 183948192 inch dick.
<dregan> Kazz - envy of every man, dog and skyscraper architect on the hemisphere.

#6862 +(463)- [X]

* AlecWire fires a crossbow dart through the arrow, landing it in Foe's crotch.
Foenix: HA!  Joke's on you!  I had no plans to use that for years!

#7194 +(821)- [X]

<nit`zZz> I was lovin that pussy while she was lovin this dick, I was shovin it in her while she was yellin dont quit
<NGN-_-> Then you realized you were dreamin that shit - in real life your a no-pussy gettin prick

#7529 +(64)- [X]

<yunicus> i could fuckin crack your head like a walnut with my clit

#8465 +(511)- [X]

<undrewb> I'm gonna make my thesis opensource so developers all round the world can work on it for me

#8711 +(12)- [X]

<JtHM> http://members.cox.net/image.server/nat-portman-pikey.jpg <- hrmmmm
<shpongle> jt - shes going commando !
<JtHM> she's going on an archeological dig!

#11620 +(404)- [X]

<Astroboy> Im going to murder the next girl I ever hear make some comment about being over weight.
<Astroboy> Unless the girl is like 500 pounds.
<Trinity> I am so over weight.
<Astroboy> Trinity way to be a absurdly difficult distance away for me to murder you.

#12379 +(172)- [X]

<[{ug}]> hmm i really should spring clean this pooter. /usr/src is taking up 2.1Gb
<Lithium^> what have you got in there? the sources to your porn collection?

#14373 +(279)- [X]

<Despot> I just had a dream about cheese and eating it
<Despot> the cheese had eyes and kept looking at me
<Despot> thats all go back to work

#20761 +(95)- [X]

<lewney> I remember being wasted last night; I went to the bathroom and shared an asla with some other guy
<lewney> cause there was a long queue
<lewney> to the bathrooms...
<lewney> yes, I'll shut up now.

#22124 +(194)- [X]

<Fixxxer> I'm thinking about using Jennifer Connelly's breasts as a setting for an adventure

#27433 +(335)- [X]

TC3743: My laptop is ghetto.
sgtpudding: sweet, does it cuss at you and say things like 'bling bling'?
TC3743: Haha , yeah I came home and it was pimping out the toaster to the coffee machine =/
sgtpudding: LOL
sgtpudding: it's probably thinking "stop being a playa' hater" right now
TC3743: lol
TC3743: I dunno, we just got a new rice cooker...

#29247 +(336)- [X]

<dingo> did you hear the polish government bought 5000 septic tanks?
<twolovvers> what in the hell for?
<twolovvers> well, as soon as they figure out how to drive them, they're going to invade germany.
<twolovvers> huh?
<twolovvers> I'm very naive, and I pay no attention to world news
<twolovvers> so if your bullshitting me I havn't a clue
<dingo> septic tanks....drive them...going to invade...
<dingo> umm...
<dingo> you dye your hair blonde lately?
<twolovvers> no it's dark brown with a hint of red
<twolovvers> septic tanks aren't meant to be driven
<dingo> ...
<twolovvers> so your making a polish joke to mock them?
<dingo> i think they're mocking themselves at this point.

#34244 +(426)- [X]

<Shiningun> the day peoples faces start looking like ^_^ in real life is tha day i buy a flamethrower

#36296 +(331)- [X]

* inshadowhiding sets off a small sodium bomb for warmth
SeaWolf has quit irc : NETSPLIT :
Windesong has quit irc : NETSPLIT :
Rish-sims has quit irc : NETSPLIT :
Hypnos has quit irc : NETSPLIT :
Vulpine has quit irc : NETSPLIT :
<inshadowhiding> well that was efective

#40187 +(443)- [X]

<Error_404> i swear to god... the next time my mom approaches me about my drinking, i'm gonna fucking come out of the closet...

#40313 +(218)- [X]

<Shut^D0wN> one time i called office depot and asked "What kind of RAM do you guys have?" and the guy said "We dont have RAM just memory..."
<Wario64> So what kind of memory did they have?
<Shut^D0wN> I dunno... I think i had an anyerism

#50115 +(7)- [X]

<Lagamuffin> 1280x1024 32bit ->60Hz<- That sucks xpert
<Lagamuffin> you should fix that to atleast 85Hz
<weapon01> lol
<weapon01> overclock your monitor!!!!!!!!

#55852 +(199)- [X]

<gadget73> Oracle gave out bobble head dolls of thier CEO to thier employees for Christmas
<gadget73> i want one, as well as a Richard Stallman and Bill Gates one, then I could have mock discussions about shit

#56118 +(396)- [X]

<Mystiq`> i wish you spoke better english
<[SePtOr]> i should not
<[SePtOr]> i dont have why... you understand what i wanna say... It even matter

#60291 +(2049)- [X]

<Boogieman> and I saw a girl and was like "hey baby, you lookin' for a good time"
<Boogieman> and she said "yes"
<Boogieman> and I just sorta stared
<Boogieman> cause I don't usually get that far
<Boogieman> and I didn't have anything to say

#62886 +(663)- [X]

#68522 +(289)- [X]

Number 3 Rugger: bitch fuck 1080
onkeybutt87: is that a skateboard trick?

#71964 +(586)- [X]

liz: you know if love was measured in kb's ...it would take HOURS for me to upload my love for you.
mikey: *taps your forehead* that's because of your small upstream bandwidth dear.
mikey: <3
liz: hahahhahahhahahhaha
liz: god i love it when you talk dorky to me
mikey: also, i seem to be dropping syn packets.
mikey: i suspect a collision somewhere on your train of thought.
liz: ping www.loveformikey.com
mikey: host not found :-(

#76467 +(752)- [X]

<andy> I want to live in a camaro, not a van.
<WIP> You can't put a waterbed in a camaro.
<andy> that sounds suspiciously like a bet.

#90174 +(912)- [X]

< hunterr83> my penis is this big: 8========================================================D
< Pokute> That's fewer than 6 inches on my screen, man.
< Pokute> and your balls are tiny
< Pokute> I don't even know what's going on with your head, there.
< Pokute> It's all out of proportion
< Pokute> you should see a doctor

#99047 +(344)- [X]

<Yuri> heh damn man
<Yuri> 93.1mb
<Yuri> this is the mightiest log i've ever posessed
<xerDM> heheh
<Yuri> this is a sociology report waiting to happen
<Yuri> heh
<xerDM> hehe
<Yuri> and excellent fodder for legal lawsuits from assorted companies wanting to protect their intellectual property...
* Yuri find/replace warez|iso|bin|nrg|ccd/fluffy bunnies
<Dorn> aha
<xerDM> haha
<Yuri> "wow these guys LOVE bunnies!"
<Yuri> "yeah they share em too!"
<Dorn> course
<Yuri> "over the INTERNET! to FTPS!"
<Yuri> "aww bunny videos!"
<Yuri> hot rodent on rodent action
<Dorn> you'd get stuff like "Man sitting on that desert island sure made me feel fluffy bunnieslated"
<Dorn> :E

#117687 +(479)- [X]

<assturbation> this nick doesnt exactly scream "heterosexual"

#192741 +(912)- [X]

<@MrAnderson> Renegade0FX: And with the clicking, came the ticking, of the page that was no more
<@MrAnderson> Renegade0FX: Quoth the server, 404

#239192 +(350)- [X]

<@[LH]PeterDoug> i am answering peoples questions on private messages if anyone is interested
<@megat> ... peter you just said that to 2000 people.
<@megat> good luck.
<@[LH]PeterDoug> hang on there is too many of you
* @megat giggles
<@[LH]Sam|WORK> Peter will be here for the next 6 weeks :D
<@[LH]NeilOfDoom> there are 2600 of you
* +meeb headbutts the nearest wall
<[DWC]-Web^Douch> :)
<@[LH]ChrisB> Peter's poor computer has 2000 PM's and 5 laughing developers...

#274554 +(1172)- [X]

<@ITV|VimAtWk> oops
<@ITV|VimAtWk> just heard a kid fell off our local multi-storey car park today
<+chrisss> how high?
<@ITV|VimAtWk> high enough for some natural selection

#424487 +(8974)- [X]

JstWnnaHveFuN08: do you think i should call a guy friend and talk to him about my problems? or will he not care?
Thilo: Here's how it works: if a guy helps you with your problems, you're obligated to give him a blowjob.
JstWnnaHveFuN08: lol thanks that cheered me up
Thilo: No problem. That'll be one blowjob please.

#446884 +(559)- [X]

<Zeroblitzt> My seat at the Rush concert sucked :(
<TheDarthster> was it at the front?

#492775 +(7004)- [X]

Egger: Heres the history of our medicine.
       "I have a sore throat."
       2000 BC : "eat this root"
       1200 AD : "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
       1500 AD : "That prayer is superstition, drink this elixir."
       1800 AD : "That elixir is snake oil, Take this pill."
       1900 AD : "That pill is ineffective, Take this antibiotic."
       2000 AD : "That antibiotic is artificial, Here why dont you eat this root."

#574181 +(712)- [X]

<skreid> so i was trick or treating right
<GODLY> arent u a little old for that?
<skreid> fuck no
<skreid> anyway
<skreid> so i went as a present this year, just a bigass bow and some curled ribbons, and i go up to this door
<skreid> and a 75 year old woman and her husband open the door, and the woman goes "what are you?"
<skreid> i go "a present", and she gives me candy.  just as i start to walk away, she goes
<skreid> "who would want that??"
<skreid> and some little kid behind me just goes "OHHHH!  BURN!"
<GODLY> loser.

#574649 +(1570)- [X]

<Dogan> man, my english class this year is so sweet
<Dogan> there was this quick write on the civil rights movement yesterday
<Dogan> couldn't think of anything else, so i just ended with "In conclusion, all your base are belong to us."
<Dogan> she just wrote "Rephrase?", and gave me 30/30

#608442 +(1238)- [X]

<BoltBait> My wife saw my 7756 post count on the MOTL board and said, "you've never said that many things to me since we've been married."

#643907 +(440)- [X]

(fG) I heard this story today at work
(fG) this guy from swindon university, did a test to find out the IQ's of Europe's countires
(fG) and the Ukraine came bottom or some shit
(fG) so Ukraine found out and called him saying like "we heard man, come visit us, we'll pay, we'll show you our inventions etc"
(fG) so he said "yeah cool"
(fG) so he got the tickets in the post, along with itineries of his week
(fG) and he went to the airport, got on the 'plane
(fG) and got off in Budapest.
(fG) Hungary.

#662266 +(952)- [X]

<rebb> chinese websites scare me :| ??????????????????????????? ??????? ? ????????????? ???????? ? ????????? Click ! ?????? ? ???? ? ???? ?
<voodoochopstiks> so many questions, so few answers

#681997 +(396)- [X]

<dst> mirc is a piece of shit
<dst> I wouldn't let any of my kids use it
<dodgo> i would let my kids suck my dick, doesnt mean i'd stop everyone from it
<dodgo> i wouldn't
<doogsey> er
<dodgo> oh fuck

#707847 +(739)- [X]

<nefzen539> What's wrong with maroon 5?
<pr0nstar> They're a boyband, girls like boy bands
<nefzen539> based on the evidence... i must be gay
<pr0nstar> it does seem likely...
<nefzen539>It must be that every male i've come into contact with is horrendously ugly cos i haven't been attracted to any
<pr0nstar> as unlikely as that sounds it is more likely than a straight male liking maroon 5

#743595 +(2947)- [X]

<crabcakedeathra> where were you earlier?
<arkilla> work.
<crabcakedeathra> where you work?
<arkilla> GTE Visa. mail room clerk.
<arkilla> had some trouble with this asshole sendin in coupons
<arkilla> today he also sent in 33 motherfuggin' pennies
<arkilla> my managr called to complain, after like an hour WE cut HIM a check for 33 cents
<crabcakedeathra> that sounds damn familiar

#772166 +(2204)- [X]

<Spast> I'm going to be the next Hitler
<Spast> I'm going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<AssA> good, i hate clowns.
<Spast> ...
<Spast> goddamnit

#946424 +(381)- [X]

<Psychofreak> I have a kid (3 yo) with toys that do stuff and/or beep. Easily 100 AA batteries in JUST her toys. (although she does not play with many anymore so they are getting packed up for donation) Funny thing is we got her a wooden train set, no batteries at all, and now almost all the fancy electronic toys are left alone! We will see if this holds true for more than a few weeks.
<Psychofreak> Amazing how much more powerful imagination is than batteries.
<Anonymous Coward> Try telling that to my wife.

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