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#1821 +(631)- [X]

<kisama_> i've been quaking so much lately
<kisama_> that when i close my eyes
<kisama_> i see quad damage
<D1> I see naked men.

#2056 +(1281)- [X]

<Dr_zapp> sek: you find the hex adress? 
<Sekmu> yes. 
<Dr_zapp> and it is....? 
*** Quits: Paco- (irc.best.net *.blackened.com) 
*** Quits: Nytefall (irc.best.net *.blackened.com) 
*** Quits: PyroGX (irc.best.net *.blackened.com) 
*** Quits: liljerk (irc.best.net *.blackened.com) 
*** Quits: Karash (irc.best.net *.blackened.com) 
*** Quits: _Ender_ (irc.best.net *.blackened.com) 
*** Quits: PyroPimp (irc.best.net *.blackened.com) 
*** Quits: Sekmu (irc.best.net *.blackened.com) 
<Arsentia> This is like when the informer is about to tell the detective the identity of the murderer, and then he gets shot. :)

#2457 +(189)- [X]

<l0wkey> im getting hemorrhoids, from sitting on my butt all day ircing... i should sue Khaled

#3604 +(380)- [X]

(snpr^): 1337 = l33t = leet = elite = ghey

#4394 +(-167)- [X]

<JustOnePepsi> I work at the walmart picture development center just to jerk off to the pics of naked babies taking baths

#4916 +(7096)- [X]

<Polytope> tetris is so unrealistic

#7604 +(520)- [X]

<CellY> so yesterday the gay mailman who wears daisy dukes says to me
<CellY> "You get alot of packages, you must have discoverd ebay"
<CellY> I say no I discoverd state wide drug distribution rings
<pagan> LOL
<CellY> he just siad have a nice day

#11203 +(316)- [X]

<GenOberst> I had to mule kick out, and grab his foot to reverse it
<GenOberst> bent his big toe outwards away from the foot...
<Tac0> oh nothing compared to my day, I flew an F-16 across the DMZ for kicks, resuerected Bruce Lee then killed him again with my bare hand (one tied behind my back), then after that i proceeded to sleep with 20 supermodels at the same time, and to top it off i bitch-slapped the pope

#11625 +(733)- [X]

<GodofDeath> Do you people think that racism is funny or something?
<GodofDeath> You are so dense because you are naive to what it's like to have racism effect you.
<slick> I'm aware of it when a black person assume I have it good because I'm white, and that nothing bad happens to me because I'm white. WHITE PEOPLE HAVE FEELINGS TOO!
<Alice> How dare you say I don't know what it's like to be a victim of racism, I was walking down the street yesterday when a blackie bumped into me. I had to run home instantly and wash. Don't fucking talk to me about being a victim.

#15696 +(44)- [X]

<dem-> how long does it take for best to turn up my FR from 128 to 384?  like
  a day or so?
<PetrDoubt> About 5 minutes, I think.  Now ask how long PacBell takes.

#20755 +(741)- [X]

<Teirlap> Nickelback needs to be shot. All of them.
<Bucky> Why stop there?
<Teirlap> Uh... Because I need to reload?

#22085 +(555)- [X]

Captain: well that is half true, the environment is a problem, and recycling does help but so does killing fascists yeah
Captain: so i say why stop at one
Captain: do both
panckreous: but killing fascists gets you arrested for.... whats the charge called
panckreous: oh ya
panckreous: assassinating the president

#23170 +(964)- [X]

<SSJ3_Goku> you fucking nerds should really get a fucking life god like really go and get laid cuz you nerds really need it to let you know what reality is!!!!
<Hsu> this coming from a guy calling himself ssj3_goku 
<Chimpbot> point, match, set

#24932 +(325)- [X]

<Actinium> so she's like "hey" and i swooned, drooled, and wet my pants
<Actinium> and I came back with "hello"
<Actinium> i think it's love

#27794 +(1128)- [X]

<Vellius>  ... I wonder if the really nerdy Klingons learn how to speak english

#38618 +(288)- [X]

Quit: FliPmodE`!r43w_8@AC9934E0.ipt.aol.com  Kill by OperServ (You are banned from this network: Harassing opers on this network is not allowed. If you feel this akill is in error, GO FUCK YOURSELF AND DIE BITCH (ID: =ZYJgAzlVFwPzgQ<))

#42066 +(328)- [X]

<Artanis> ok, nobody ever told me when its better to use static memory
<Artanis> thats why i do everything w/ pointers
<Artanis> :-/
<Goomba> everything???
<Veldhar[GD]> everything??!
<Veldhar[GD]> heh, don't tell me
<Veldhar[GD]> you do horrible things like
<Veldhar[GD]> int *i = new int[1];
<Veldhar[GD]> for (*i=0; ahhhhhhhhhhhhh can't continue writing
<Veldhar[GD]> too awful
<Veldhar[GD]> my fingers are burning
<Veldhar[GD]> my eyes are bleeding
<Veldhar[GD]> agoonnnnnnnny
* Veldhar[GD] dies

#46445 +(324)- [X]

* DocHopper is now known as DocRestarting
<DocRestarting> brb
* DocRestarting has quit IRC (Quit: )
<Sean> that was so pointless

#46736 +(-44)- [X]

<soap> people with crooked pensis are innately gay because they fit in asses better

#48340 +(228)- [X]

<Zero-Wing> i bought a game the other day and it said Win 98, Win NT and Better... so i installed it on linux

#49756 +(-4)- [X]

<NiceAngel> anywayz...watching jackass bbl
<Linkadmin> I misread that for "whacking a jackass bbl"
<pantherqs> link> a mistake like that? blame it on bash. =P

#49912 +(183)- [X]

<Intranete> but i never got into just sitting around and programming, i was more into sitting around and playing with my hardware

#58860 +(170)- [X]

<Lithium> if i buy a hardware firewall right - i just stick it on, tell it to block all ports - tada
<Lithium> easy peasy
<stephen> all ports?
<Lithium> i aint got time to arse about isntalling software firewalls on every machine
<Lithium> i tried before
<Noodle> there's an easier and cheaper way to block all ports
<Noodle> pull the RJ45 out :P

#62798 +(1068)- [X]

<looooly> hello , I have a problem and i need help
<looooly> ?
<voidnull> ok. don't ask your question, though. 'cause we can read your mind.
<looooly> really .so whats my problem <voidnull> ???
<voidnull> I think your problem is you're having difficulties understanding sarcasm.

#82196 +(178)- [X]

* Avie|work tabs back in *
<Avie|work> what are you _talking_ about?
<ithil> I started with 22 as the lowest possible base, got 210, added 9, noticed 219 was a factor of 3 (216 + 3), and realized it was going to stay that way. :P
<Xrtsys> Wait.  The three rule breaks down in non-/10 bases.
<DND> virgin girls are cool
* PxM watches Avie tab back out
<Avie|work> some people are talking about virgins, some people are talking about math, someone said something about God, and _I_ thought you were still talking about typology.

#82209 +(38)- [X]

shoeman: ohhhh Kate Hudson....
shoeman: 0hhhhhh
EvilBanana: eew, bag o' bones
shoeman: oh shush
shoeman: lol
EvilBanana: she is!
shoeman: blah blah blah
EvilBanana: I have zits bigger than her boobs
shoeman: lol
shoeman: and since when are big boobs a big deal?
shoeman: :-P
EvilBanana: neva..but she absolutely lacks in the mammary department
EvilBanana: I'm not even sure she's a  mammal
shoeman: lol

#82212 +(831)- [X]

(while watching live firefight in port city of Umm Qasr on TV)
<eva> omg
<eva> fucking campers

#87741 +(-84)- [X]

<Stolurn> i was walkin home last night and i could suddenly smell KFC, and i was like mmmm, where's that comin' from?
<Stolurn> i look around and this black guy rides past, then the smell goes away
<Stolurn> bash.org was right :)

#89082 +(1005)- [X]

<test4_> my mom just grounded me over Instant Messanger

#90312 +(147)- [X]

* SlamServ changes topic to 'Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf Commits Suicide, Last Words: "There Is No Spoon"'

#107517 +(-5)- [X]

<WeZ> goodie 1 more hour then home time for me
<WeZ> hehe
<WeZ> not coming back this afternoon
<Guyt_X> lucky
<Guyt_X> why
<Guyt_X> do u need to eat ?
* Guyt_X runs
<WeZ> going to the doctor to have a mole removed
<Guyt_X> why dont u just wash
<Guyt_X> sorry im nasty
<Guyt_X> that was un called for
<WeZ> sies
* Guyt_X goes to wash his mouth out with soap
* Guyt_X hands WeZ the soap
<Guyt_X> u might need this

#113409 +(139)- [X]

<Radien> I give up. The PSO server is repremanding me like an angry Jewish mother-in-law played by Mike Meyers.

#126421 +(26)- [X]

--> dave (aqeug129@uplink-25D84252.shlb1201.mi.comcast.net) has joined #Uplink
--- Ghostalker is now known as Muad
<dave> /msg nickserv register <snip> <snip take 2>@comcast..net
--- Muad is now known as Muad_dib
<dave> opps
<MH2> opps indeed
<dave> yea so whats new?
<MH2> Well
--- Muad_dib is now known as Ghostalker
<-- Ghostalker (Ghostalker@uplink-1EB07998.lutn.cable.ntl.com) has left #Uplink (Rejoining because of user@host change)
--> Ghostalker (Ghostalker@graveyard.net) has joined #Uplink
<MH2> I now have access to your email account
<MH2> That's pretty new
<-- Squall has quit (Ping timeout)
<MH2> You have 0 new messages, by the way

#219380 +(1886)- [X]

Sushispook: so we're swapping out all these old pc's with newer ones
Sushispook: and we're stacking them up in piles in the cube next to me
Sushispook: and all the old ones have various notes on them, since some have been pillaged for parts
Sushispook: i go into the cube to talk to the rentatech and see how he's doing, and i lean up against the cube
Sushispook: and i end up walking out with one of those notes stuck to my ass
Sushispook: and just try and guess what that note said
Sushispook: right on my ass

#225808 +(219)- [X]

<stony> i'm sort of distracted at the moment]
<Skip>  getting laid?
<stony> lol no
<Skip>  then you have no excuse

#229508 +(82)- [X]


#238463 +(507)- [X]

+SharpSchutze: Hard Drive Installed On: Thursday, January 1 1970
+SharpSchutze: That can't be good.

#368691 +(661)- [X]

<cmdline> 1010100110001001
<cmdline> 101101
<nystagmus> yea i know.
<nystagmus> tell me about it.

#399773 +(1207)- [X]

<Outsyder> ok
<Outsyder> so I was sitting in gym on friday
<Outsyder> my friends were talking about some stupid thing
<Outsyder> and I was stroking my leg hair
<Outsyder> and i thought
<Outsyder> "hey, if a supervillian had hairy legs, he wouldn't need a cat"

#417362 +(310)- [X]

<Deepsy`SilentHill4> my ex came with BitchX internally intergrated.

#430598 +(1219)- [X]

<Hylke> hmm, the movie Titanic isn't really realistic
<Palantyre> No shit?
<Hylke> they walk through cold water all the time, and the girl gets no stiff nipples

#564744 +(664)- [X]

<YelseyKing> I was in a spelling bee once, when I was in second grade.
<YelseyKing> The funny part is, it was for fifth and sixth graders.
<YelseyKing> I was one of the last ones left standing, but I lost thanks to &%&$&(%(&$& Mary Poppins.
<Indogutsu> They made you spell "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?"
<YelseyKing> No. "Chimney."

#571826 +(360)- [X]

Annabel0Lee: I saw Jesus in my pop tart this morning.
LUunfortunate: did you eat it?
Annabel0Lee: Yes, is that wrong?
LUunfortunate: You coulda made money off of it
LUunfortunate: and then bought like a bunch of replacement poptarts
Annabel0Lee: Well, I haven't had communion in a while...

#622916 +(1668)- [X]

hehehe8383: school was pretty fun for me cus of the teachers =P
hehehe8383: like i remember this one time in like 5th grade or something
hehehe8383: i got a bloody nose in my math class and i had on a white shirt to boot
hehehe8383: so i went to the nurse for like 10 min. while i was sittin in the nurses office, the period was over so my class left and another class came in
hehehe8383: but i still had my books there so i had to go back in
hehehe8383: so i walk into the classroom with blood stains on my shirt and holding a blood spotted tissue up to my nose
hehehe8383: so the teacher pointed at me and she goes "see what i do to kids who dont do their homework?"
hehehe8383: i swear to you, this kid next to me had a MORTIFIED look on his face as he started scribbling stuff down on some incomplete worksheet =P

#667273 +(2125)- [X]

<bi0h4z4r_> north korea is test firing missiles right now
<bi0h4z4r_> on fox news
<@argv[0]> thats where i would test my missiles too
<@argv[0]> fox news headquarters

#746655 +(1172)- [X]

<StrangelyUnoriginal>So I was at Walmart, being the financial transaction overlord of register 21.
Rite, and this kid walks up, I ring up his items and he says, "So I heard you like mudkips?" so I acted all confused like he expected me to andhe had a little faggoty giggle then he asked me what his total was and I said, "Your total, IT'S OVER NINE THOUSSSSSSAAAAND!" and my manager was like, "lol wtf?" then I grabbed the pricing scanner and crushed it in my hand.

#756353 +(1974)- [X]

<knightmare> sixtho I challenge you to IRC DDR!
<sixtho> ummm ok
<knightmare> + ddrbot start 10
<DDRBot> Game Started!
<DDRBot> <
<knightmare> <
<sixtho> <
<DDRBot> ^^
<knightmare> ^^
<sixtho> ^^
<DDRBot> vvv
<knightmare> vvv
<sixtho> wtf
<DDRBot> knightmare wins!
<knightmare> ?
<sixtho> where the shit is the down arrow
<knightmare> ...

#763772 +(339)- [X]

<+AdamR> bahahahahahah just got a reply from zen about that gateway being named "gay-dsl1"
<Er00`> Oh?
<+AdamR> Hi Adam, All of our DSL gateways are named after renowned philosophers, in this case Gay is named for John Gay, see the below website for more information; http://www.philosophypages.com/dy/g.htm
<TheDon> rofl
<+AdamR> notice how there isnt a picture of him on that site
<Er00`> Hehe
<+AdamR> thats the best fucking techincal support response i've ever had

#803011 +(1035)- [X]

<Yalborap> You'll get so infuriated you'll throw your DS/Wiimote against the wall until it shatters.
<Yalborap> The wall, not the nintendo product.
<Yalborap> Those things are made of adamantium or some crap.

#954174 +(277)- [X]

<+Zuu> i think i want to stop doing college and become a mechanic
<@bazl> i forbid it
<+Zuu> why
<@bazl> because every word in that sentence was spelled correctly

0.0562 21024 quotes approved
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