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#44 +(708)- [X]

<iMike> i remember in 8th grade health class we had some guy from a std clinic come in
<iMike> and he was talking about porn mags
<iMike> and some kid was like 'what about playboy?'
<iMike> and the guy was like 'well some consider that to be more of a softcore magazine'

#131 +(20)- [X]

<hypr> as im on no your so inslurted me

#2479 +(764)- [X]

<Screwy> I went on a 30-day diet
<Screwy> and lost 30 days

#2837 +(348)- [X]

<maff> yoga fire!
<timmo> yoga flame!
<maff> if you were dhalism right now, I bet you'd get stopped in the airport.

#4352 +(249)- [X]

<Khrosscpp> If by "whup" you mean "penetrate until colon rupture", I'm way ahead of you.

#4800 +(193)- [X]

<lewpoo> whats the most advanced topic in java?
<joeblowgt> lewpoo: not getting kickbanned in #java

#5468 +(2432)- [X]

<casmill2> I swear to god i must be the only true optimist left on the planet.

#8612 +(120)- [X]

<zealot_> gopher is the protocol of the future

#10862 +(350)- [X]

<Danelope> This contract doesn't involve sodomy, does it?
<harb> actually
<harb> damnit

#12086 +(163)- [X]

<punkgurl> i made out with an 18 year old when i was 13
<Samhain> that guys must have been desperate

#13600 +(450)- [X]

<Mort-Hog> How do u spell Encylop(a)edia?
<Flirbnic> Insyklepudier

#14061 +(234)- [X]

|bardamu| y'know, sometimes i'm tempted to start a site at www.christianitykills.org detailing stories of christians who went on murderous rampages or killed themselves after praying and stuff
|bardamu| i'd get real controversial and get hundreds of thousands of hits
|bardamu| and then one day i'd pull the plug and replace it with an homage site to myself
|bardamu| surely that would be a good way to get lots of attention

#17390 +(714)- [X]

<@Afterglow> what's the point of irc anyway
<@Afterglow> everyone idles
< destruct> the "point" is that if you take the third word spoken on the second tuesday of every month of the the third person down in each channel you visit on irc, they will form a description of the path to the lost city of atlantis

#19541 +(1476)- [X]

#22032 +(19)- [X]

<RushMore> hmmm, if you got a knife and cut it off, would it gush out?
<BadCaleb> i figured siphoning a cow would be a good idea
<Chikster> Rush, it would bleed
<Chikster> The possibility of milk is there though.
<Chikster> Caleb, like a tube
<RushMore> Well then just sell your STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKE

#22090 +(339)- [X]

<TrutHurts> o____o: Christ died for all and one day you will acknowledge this fact
<wired> ORRRR you will die and be dead and you'll wish you didnt spend all your time in an IRC channel preaching

#22093 +(167)- [X]

<pooshda-coloring> http://www.pooshda.com/temp/test_color.jpg
<supreemball> that sucks poosh
<supreemball> oh wait, lemme actually look at it

#28496 +(326)- [X]

*** Quits: amyafk (africhot@vw-12506.bigpond.net.au) (Exit: Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn isstill dark!)
<jm> Karma is the bird that shits on your car after you wash it from doing donuts on the local church's front lawn

#32082 +(1471)- [X]

<Farrod> One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung."
<Farrod> I calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass.

#36454 +(2)- [X]

<neotech-> ;\
<neotech-> It ate my penis and then choked.

#40256 +(-6)- [X]

<Hogan> hah some asswipe went to support to ask how to open iso files

#44983 +(10)- [X]

<eDRoaCH-nothere> akuma noticed me
<Nariz> "noticed" you? so you were hiding and he saw your big ass behind the curtians?
<Nariz> you should never hide behind the curtians
<Nariz> i've tried it before, it doesn't work...
Nariz was kicked by eDRoaCH-nothere (/notice Nariz ur an idiot)

#46581 +(219)- [X]

ComNerd1: would you have sex with anybody?
Auto response from KarpenkoSoup: No women, no kids
ComNerd1: oh, ok
KarpenkoSoup: Yeah, those are the rules.

#47307 +(217)- [X]

<lech> porn and programming, what could be better
<antiuser> hmm, a real girl?
<lech> well that's the source

#50708 +(694)- [X]

<Toen> With Starfox Adventures, Rare redefined fun.
<Toen> Fun (adj.) 1: Not fun.

#53481 +(153)- [X]

<SiZZuRp> this is from www.pk-hq.com
<SiZZuRp> Most users ever online was 138 on 02-14-2002 at 13:33.
<SiZZURp> a sad valentines day......... date much?

#57542 +(403)- [X]

<santa-tim> cause the photo CRIED OUT TO BE HAXORED
<santa-tim> it said
<santa-tim> PHOTOSHOP A DICK IN HERE, IT WILL BE FUNNY

#75778 +(471)- [X]

<comiclover333> oh man today in english we were talking about wld std stuff and my english teacher said that all americans thought we were invincible and then 9/11 happened and now we know were not invincible or something and she said now people are scared and stuff, i dont really know, but then i quoted some rapper and said bullets to our nuts only make our balls fatter
<comiclover333> u know i had never met our assistant principal until today

#81919 +(137)- [X]

Celeron-Master: Is it a bad sign when you call graphiti spam?

#81967 +(1251)- [X]

<mcgruff> ever notice, that like half the quotes on bash seem to be plucked out of conversations specifically designed to produce quotes to submit to bash?
<cliff> i LOVE the cock

#88551 +(1022)- [X]

<Pie> I don't play with WD40 anymore. I actually managed to light a fish on fire. while it was underwater

#105844 +(303)- [X]

<HomesickAlien> 17" iMac - that's like having a nine inch penis but being impotent

#129539 +(168)- [X]

<UGA|CE|UaH> STOP CLALING ME BY TAG

#189165 +(204)- [X]

<Yoshio> OMG
<Yoshio> MY FIREWALL
<Yoshio> IS BLOCKING
<Yoshio> PORN!!
<`Bloodlust> lmao
<Yoshio> ahh much better..
<Yoshio> although i am looking at tubgirl.
<Yoshio> ewww.
<Yoshio> that so cant be real

#252134 +(547)- [X]

<Kyle> The band Disturbed is holding open auditions for a new bass player. That's my ticket outta this hell hole! Hey, where can I rent a bass?
<icabod> I'll lend you one
<Kyle> Niiiice. Now, how do I play?
<icabod> It's just like guitar, except you get fewer chicks

#375581 +(1114)- [X]

DaLady Firestorm: hm... nother random question: if you could do one video game character, who would it be
DerBrystar522666: now that is a tough cookie
DaLady Firestorm: :-P
DerBrystar522666: First thought is Max Payne
DaLady Firestorm: lol
DerBrystar522666: second thought is Justin from Grandia. Or maybe Roman from Armed and Dangerous
DerBrystar522666: another thought is the Master Chief
DaLady Firestorm: so, I ask which video game character you'd have sex with, and all your choices are men... :-P
DerBrystar522666: oh... shit!
DerBrystar522666: I read that one completely wrong

#393563 +(-350)- [X]

<JoeDawson> "Tour De France Winner Lance Armstrong was stripped of his title after 3 substances banned by the french were found in his hotel room"
<KloA> haha
<JoeDawson> The three banned substances... Deoderant, Toothepaste, and soap.
<JoeDawson> *rimshot*
<JoeDawson> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
* JoeDawson TEH FUNNAY

#474123 +(934)- [X]

mdvb: Matt, you not watching the State of the Union?
strestout1: ill tell u the state of the union
strestout1: we're losing jobs, the economy is going to shyt, the whole world hates us
strestout1: god bless america
strestout1: the end

#610712 +(834)- [X]

<Phatt_One> crap is disgusting
<syntax> hey dont bad mouth crap
<syntax> im a plumber
<syntax> if it werent for crap, i wouldnt be able to feed my family

#613541 +(1035)- [X]

USnip: today in english class
USnip: the teacher was discussing a thesis statement about close friends
USnip: and she was like
USnip: "well what do you want from a close friend?"
USnip: and one guy yelled out "well is it a male or a female"?
USnip: and she snapped back "I'm sure it doesn't matter to YOU"

#629240 +(781)- [X]

<Varka> cds are made of pikachu skins
<Orcinus> is that why they turn to lightning in the microwave? :D
<Varka> Yes.

#632900 +(678)- [X]

<sdodson> can you provide that in wma format?
<Corydon76-home> Only if you can provide an encoder
<Corydon76-home> but it has to be able to run on my Apple IIgs
<Wonton> Wma sucks
<sdodson> you can encode oggs on your Apple IIgs?
<Corydon76-home> No, but if you're going to be an asshole about encoding formats, I'm going to be an asshole about the platform the encoder needs to run on.
<Catonic> lol

#658339 +(692)- [X]

<phazonfox> Mario Kart is socialist.
<phazonfox> People in last place get better items.

#670270 +(974)- [X]

PinkBabe571: i have to beat guys off with a stick
PinkBabe571: =/
ALLSTAR4212: just beat them off with your hands

#682409 +(2727)- [X]

<Ranbert> someone shoot me please....
<tele>   o                              \O_ Arrgh!!
<tele>  <\==-   -   - -   -  -  - --- __/
<tele>  / \                             \

#737148 +(205)- [X]

Reguarding geology vs. astronomy:
Skail[FARK] Yeah, I'm down with rocks.
Skail[FARK] You can't dent someone's skull with a nebula.

#810226 +(1059)- [X]

<xxx> I think I'm having some problems with my sexlife...
<phunqe> oh? :/
<xxx> Yeah, yesterday my girlfriend and I wanted to have sex, but I had a... hmm.. well you know.. problem..
<phunqe> Ah, no ping reply?

#944007 +(370)- [X]

<@Scootz> i just realized i left 'erection after death' in my google search bar when i let my dad use the computer
<@Scootz> and it's different now

#945387 +(1410)- [X]

<IncoherentMoron> choose an integer between 1 and 35
<Elliotw2> F
<IncoherentMoron> base 10, smartass

#954477 +(-234)- [X]

fr0gman: my ex gf is blowing up my phooine
fr0gman: and sent me emails
fr0gman: and is trying to call me from a blocked number lol
fr0gman: AT LEAST I FEEL WANTED THIS VALENTINE'S
oldmadtom: she wants the d
fr0gman: ya
fr0gman: i should be like "Happy Valentine's ay... you'll get the D later"

0.0340 20961 quotes approved; 4504 quotes pending
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