#1569 +(1097)- [X]
#1839 +(266)- [X]
<maff> who needs showers when you've got an assortment of feminine products
#1890 +(547)- [X]
<Defcon> Heh. I was getting a hair cut the other day with my usual barber, who's this 60 year old vietnam veteran type guy, really uptight and what not. Anyway, he had this TV with the news on, and suddenly they started talking about police who sodomized some hispanic guy with a broom stick. That caused a lot of tension in the barber shop.
<Defcon> "Yeah, so, how about that sodomy? Probably doesn't feel too good." "Nope. Can't imagine it does."
#2589 +(311)- [X]
[Zammo] missee, humans are the only species that do it front on
[Zammo] so over a long time, females evolved boobs
[Zammo] because it matched the attractive effect of a good looking arse
#3448 +(704)- [X]
<timmo> you know what makes me laugh
<timmo> web cam chicks
<timmo> who try to lick their own nipples
<timmo> but fall short
#3677 +(1006)- [X]
<w3nis> I remember discussing bong tactics with a friend and drawing out plans and then we realized we had drew a pelican
#4111 +(31)- [X]
<JackTaiwn> damn u english speakers >_<
#6246 +(394)- [X]
* Cerebus laughs evilly under appropriately spooky lighting as lightning strikes and thunder explodes outside around the High Tower of jadecore on top of Elitist Bastard Mountain in the Kingdom of Fuck.
#7220 +(357)- [X]
*** DarkElf changes topic to "Sundancer Kicked Hiro's butt at Pool!! :) that's Mr 'I have my own table at home' Gay Helicopter Pilot Hiro (in case you were wondering)"
*** Hiro changes topic to "I lost ONE FUCKING GAME to her ok?"
*** DarkElf changes topic to "yes, but to a WOMAN ?"
<Hiro> she isnt a women
<Hiro> she is a beast from the pits of hell
<Hiro> a demon possessed her
<DarkElf> see - reading that bible thing may have helped you... and you laughed at the people in #alive
*** DarkElf changes topic to "Hiro converts to christianity"
<Hiro> de: even jesus would have lost that fucking game of pool
<Hiro> I need a gun, so I can shoot myself
<DarkElf> Hiro: why don't you just stab yoursefl in the eye with the pool cue.....
<DarkElf> hang on though, going on sunny's description of you skill you'll probably miss *grin
#8649 +(29)- [X]
<snoggerT11> fuck you
<helminthes> obvious immature retort:
<helminthes> "OH I JUST LOOOVE WHEN YOU TALK DIRTY"
#8735 +(585)- [X]
<arfmcbarf> i'm gonna teach you a lesson you wont soon forget
<arfmcbarf> i.e., how to integrate ln x from 0 to infinity
<arfmcbarf> first you get the antiderivitive
<arfmcbarf> of ln(x)
<arfmcbarf> i.e., 1/x
<arfmcbarf> then i forget the rest
#10822 +(177)- [X]
<deniro> Happy to hear that the french lost the world cup already!
<deniro> Next time football will pop up into conversation, those french bastards will pretend an urgent pee to go cry in the toilets instead of being arrogant as usual
<bloom> Aren't you french?
<deniro> Well... don't tell anyone ok?
<deniro> I don't want anybody to think I must have some kind of disease to go so often in the toilets for the next 4 years...
#11588 +(333)- [X]
<pfk> oh its may 21st..almost time for my bath
#11604 +(580)- [X]
<Podex> Hey Aboshi, I'm cooking some ramen right now
<Podex> OH SHIT STIR OCCASIONALLY
#13753 +(1533)- [X]
<Flirbnic> I have a time machine.
<Twilo> That's your fridge
<Flirbnic> Then explain how I can put perishable food items in there and take them out several days later STILL FRESH?
#15982 +(531)- [X]
[Shinji] I think he threatened to kill me actually, although it was so badly spelt that I wasn't sure if it was a death threat or a request to see if I wanted another cappuchino
#16398 +(320)- [X]
<bix> it was like the flintstones
<mltj> but without the cars.
<mltj> or dinosaurs.
<mltj> or flintstones.
#23576 +(367)- [X]
<@Toilet> you suck
<Bundy> you swallow
<@Toilet> hell, you gargle
#23879 +(453)- [X]
<X2> [AlekaiTalon] Uh-oh, watch out ladies, Alekai Talon is in the house
<Tyr> yea ladies, watch out
<Tyr> he might steal ur men :p
#33701 +(69)- [X]
<@Evil_Ed> lets see...blowjob, or ircd.
<@Dianora> ircd sure is tough, lets go shopping!
#36141 +(191)- [X]
<SUPAR> i wonder if unicorn farts smell like potpourri
#45235 +(468)- [X]
<Rune> my car blew up when half a dozen of diaz's friggin cronies rammed their cars into mine
<+Shadow> heh I hate it when someone cuts you off in a motorcycle and bumps you into a cop
<+Shadow> and then you try to run away but you can't get on the bike with the cop near
<+Shadow> so you have to kill the cop
<+Shadow> then you have two stars for no real reason
<Rune> I hate it when taxis make sharp turns when you're going high speed on a motorcycle
<Jamie_M> for a second there
<Jamie_M> i thought "wait shadow owns a motorcycle"
<Jamie_M> but then i realized nobody in here EVER talks about real life.
#46634 +(214)- [X]
<Kobe> I just got an sms before.... " This message cost 22 cents. This could feed a muslim boy in afganistan for a whole day. Send this to 7 of your friends and starve the c**t for a week "
#48959 +(136)- [X]
<SiZZuRp> bend over and spell run
#49265 +(126)- [X]
<RetardedCrow> Crap, I put the head phones in, and I here "Anal beads, whatever. Now you can get realistic animal genitals. How bout a kangaroo penis?"
#49606 +(58)- [X]
<BombScare> RAM Usage: 349/503MB (69.38%)
<DSLDemon> snag usage: 512/512LBS (100%)
<snag> that's 512more lbs of man than you
<DSLDemon> i'm not sure what that means
<DSLDemon> but ok
<BombScare> dont try to understand snag
#49691 +(278)- [X]
(tactics) i wish i just had someone to give me a hand job once in a while
(tactics) im thinking about renting one of those little monkeys from the disabled peoples shelter
(tactics) im kidding :P
(tactics) their hands aren't big enough
#50141 +(165)- [X]
* ||XanT|| touches self
<RoseyCat> none of that!
<||XanT||> it feels so GOOD
<RoseyCat> I said NO.
#50787 +(157)- [X]
nonickprovided: do you at least have a pic?
p_mimi_123456789: i dont have even my scanner.. my mom promise me to buy a cam this x-mas...
nonickprovided: well then I can even imagine what your doing in my head
nonickprovided: I don't even know whgat you look like
p_mimi_123456789: im look like nicole kidman...
nonickprovided: yeah well that just blew your cover as a gay guy
#53046 +(192)- [X]
<sazeMaster> exuse me!
<+joshua> the only excuse for you is your mom wanted another child support check
#74966 +(655)- [X]
<screamingholt> At that stage was n6r0a33y -5ng5ng 6f 00y d5a3 6n s60e 06f6s 'scr-[t 0eds and weed
<screamingholt> Damn...Fn key
<redcloud> ROFL.. i thought that was an attempt at 1337 speak :P
<redcloud> i was trying to interpret it :)
#75937 +(104)- [X]
<ShowDowN> having a formatted drive and a fresh install of windows is better then the feeling just after youve finsihed shaving
#79798 +(1800)- [X]
<hamoom> man, this is great, 450 hp, sleek design, sleek interior, this is going to be my new car
<mrmin123> cars have hit points?
#80815 +(141)- [X]
<ph0x_> the best way to optimize a program for space is to remove all spaces and tabs from the source code
<ph0x_> also don't use many lines,write everything on one single line
#80895 +(173)- [X]
<SpAz> you, are an asshole. pure, natural, and bottled at the source.
#136439 +(250)- [X]
* Jedi_Peni is now known as Jedi_Penis
<melusine> Please don't show us the power of the force.
#173504 +(777)- [X]
*** PoisonPen changes topic to 'Matrix Revolutions: Smith: "I R teh Ubermensch! U R 0wn3d w/ my awesome Will!" Neo: "No! Because I will refute teh diabilical existential angst w/ kung fu!" Smith: "Argh! Now I must stand in the rain and shake my fist at you! Why? Why?" Neo: "Ha ha! I win by losing! I R teh Jesus!" The end.'
#177484 +(382)- [X]
<+Macolio> I'm just waiting for the day Square will finally come out of the closet and just release an FF with hardcore gay sex between the effeminate leads.
#181260 +(378)- [X]
<@Usama> I am gonna get a tattoo of a $100 bill on my penis.....because women like to blow money and I like to watch my money grow.
#216818 +(721)- [X]
<+usrbingeek> NBC has announced it will air a three-episode marathon of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy opposite the Super Bowl on February 1st.
<+usrbingeek> So, if you get tired of watching a bunch of buff, sweaty men in uniforms patting each other on the ass and bending over to pass something between their legs, you now have the choice of watching something really gay.
#373798 +(763)- [X]
<Robot> I heard that a lemon is a good contraceptive.
<end_game> yeah mate,
<end_game> i heardit's actually tested to be better protection than a condom
<end_game> yeah. you can't get a lemon pregnant.
<Robot> No harm in trying it. Might sting a bit.
<end_game> you or her?
<Robot> She can get her own god damn lemon.
#375340 +(2386)- [X]
(mistersandman) aw pee
(mistersandman) they require you to register it on the internet
(X_Stickman) well with your 100% perfectly legal copy i'm sure you have no objections
(mistersandman) oh of course not i just.. dont have an internet connection
#390427 +(664)- [X]
<RST> you suck huge donkey dick
<RST> and not only you
<RST> but your sister too
<Felon> what happens in Tijuana stays in Tijuana
<Felon> you know the rules
#421667 +(2094)- [X]
<adidasdood> anyone smallville 403 yet?
<spacerat> verbs, dude, verbs
<spacerat> that sentence clearly requires a verb
#455050 +(1409)- [X]
* Hawk boots up Windows
<Beyonder> It's like a million mac users cried out in pain and were suddenly silenced...
<Beyonder> wait.. make that 5000 mac users, let's be realistic
#578314 +(633)- [X]
<Rhett> yes yes, but that's bringing hyperbole into an argument that, while silly, remains grounded in fact
<moros|sreep> I'm not quite sure what hyperbole is, come to think of it..
<Rhett> it's where the ADD children have their football championship
#655706 +(1098)- [X]
<AwwJeah> I want to fill a super soaker with cheap vodka and spray down other drivers.
<AwwJeah> Then call the police and tell them I think they're driving drunk.
<AwwJeah> Because, seriously, who would believe that story?
#669417 +(46)- [X]
phoenix8634: are you legally downloading music yet or no?
TwiztidTown: what is that?
phoenix8634: k ill take that as a no
TwiztidTown: you can LEGALLY DOWNLOAD MUSIC?
TwiztidTown: LOL AND ALL THIS TIME I WAS DOING IT FOR FREE
#701336 +(616)- [X]
FLEAM0: I had to watch Memoirs of a Geisha with my friend's Japanese exchange student...I kept wondering what I would think if I went to Japan and they showed me a movie called Memories Of A Hooker
#760666 +(486)- [X]
SouLTaKeR2023: wanna hear something funny/entertaining?
SouLTaKeR2023: ok well I was watching this excellent flick
SouLTaKeR2023: entitled "A girl takes two loads in the mouth, then swollows it"
SouLTaKeR2023: here is why I love porn bloopers
SouLTaKeR2023: two guys
SouLTaKeR2023: done fucking this redhead
SouLTaKeR2023: they stand on either side of her
SouLTaKeR2023: ready to do whats mentioned in the title
SouLTaKeR2023: the guy does his thing and puts his cock on the side of her mouth, aiming at the opposite cheek
MacaroniFeets: oh god
SouLTaKeR2023: but when he fires....he hits the other guys cock
MacaroniFeets: OH SICK
SouLTaKeR2023: and there is this
SouLTaKeR2023: long silence
SouLTaKeR2023: and this is the entertaining part
SouLTaKeR2023: you hear the other guy mumble "goddamn, not again"
SouLTaKeR2023: take 3 anyone?
MacaroniFeets: send me that video