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#310 +(106)- [X]

<Cold2> hey do you have dragonball xxx pics?

#2142 +(942)- [X]

<mEsHmAn> how do i set myself as away?
<mEsHmAn> in mIRC
*** theForger sets mode: +b *!*@host62-7-101-176.btinternet.com
*** mEsHmAn was kicked by theForger (mEsHmAn is away)

#2460 +(604)- [X]

<Ortem> You see...My penis is very much like a sherbert dib dab
<Graeme> short, thin, soft and often in children's mouths.

#2617 +(2532)- [X]

<Plot> I was either going to die now
<Plot> or get 80% third degree burns atleast
<Plot> someone had the gas nob opened
<Plot> I went into kitchen
<Plot> switched a bulb
<Plot> and wham
<Plot> kitchen was filled with one big ass fire ball
<theForger> woah dude
<C--> damn
<Jyrsija> jesus
<ThaDragon> If you just blow up your kitchen, and then proceed to get on IRC and tell people about it, you might be a junkie.

#3570 +(1514)- [X]

*** d6|GaiaN has joined #lesbians
<d6|GaiaN> lol

#6246 +(435)- [X]

* Cerebus laughs evilly under appropriately spooky lighting as lightning strikes and thunder explodes outside around the High Tower of jadecore on top of Elitist Bastard Mountain in the Kingdom of Fuck.

#6954 +(495)- [X]

<glasnost> i just talked to some girls on this hall.
<glasnost> they're like, female and stuff.

#7450 +(395)- [X]

<@Bojangle> splurge: This one time, my friend called the cops for getting a threatning phone call. SO the cops come over to just see what my friend is like, to judge if he was BSing or not
<@Bojangle> So they come over, and start chatting my friend up, they go, "What do you do?" and he's like, "I'm a computer consultant
<@Bojangle> "Oh yeah, what are ya' working on?" and he's like, "Oh, some webserver"
<@Bojangle> So then these two cops start talking about how he should use another server, and how the server he's using sucks, and how he should set up a database for certain things, lmao
<@splurge> HAHAHA
<@Bojangle> And my friend's like, "What are you, cops or computer programmers?" and he's like, "Oh, I just like to play around in my spare time"
<@Bojangle> It was like something outta Seinfeld
<@splurge> id skullfuck them and leave their corpses in the backyard
<@Bojangle> Me too

#10128 +(172)- [X]

<hh> have u ever fucked nickelodean gak?
<hh> i have
<hh> its awesome
<hh> i call it masturbation goo

#10434 +(166)- [X]

<bizzy> great, i get TWO doomed projects
<bizzy> "hey, we canned the guy doing this stuff too. Can you start work
on re-inventing the wheel asap?"

#11611 +(191)- [X]

Solo Herron: why did it have to be hot outside today?
Solo Herron: I mean I was like "hmm mind numbing boredness here in the cold library" walk out side "OH GOD THE EXCITMENT OF THE HEAT"

#11642 +(321)- [X]

<Temujin> aight
<Hydrac7> it suprised me that Temujin would use "Aight"
<Hydrac7> Temujin using "aight" has crushed my will to live.
<Temujin> I live in Indiana, I have to fit in somehow.
<Temujin> I can't fake being retarded, so saying "a'ight" has to suffice.

#14405 +(433)- [X]

<Thrawn> i want to die and go to a place where i can screw tons of chicks.
<Thrawn> actually
<Thrawn> fuck dying
<Thrawn> i just wan tto go to a place where i can screw tons of chicks.

#14552 +(573)- [X]

<prick> I hate parents who add letters to their kids' otherwise normal names
<prick> Or change them
<prick> Do you really think that your child will be unique or sparkling because of the confusion associatedwith their name?
<prick> All you're doing is setting her up for a lifetime of spelling out her name to strangers

#14968 +(501)- [X]

<Icereaver> how do i go afk?

#22096 +(481)- [X]

<pooshda> ICQ is nicer than AIM because it doesnt pop up like BLAM I JUST FUCKED UP YOUR BRUSH STROKE NIGGA!

#24888 +(71)- [X]

<zamros> I CAN'T BELIEVE I BID ON AN AUCTION WHERE THE PICTURE WAS THIS http://ebay1.ipixmedia.com/abc/M28/_EBAY_71847e281b4abd0be4c460d181152613/i-1.JPG
<Project> YOU WON A FAT MAN?

#34090 +(216)- [X]

<LeslieHapablap> do you snow ball?
<katester> mom to kid:  "i should have swallowed"
<tyler> my friend jordan got snowballed once
<tyler> we called him snowball for like a yera
<tyler> year
<tyler> by some other guy's junk too
<mkb> i am torn between curiosity and not wanting to know
<PaddyBoy> I'm not,
<PaddyBoy> I don't need to know. :)
<tylerox> that's what you get for kissing drunk sluts at new-years parties
<tylerox> he got kissed
<tylerox> what is he complaining about
<sureshot> dammit, i didn't want to know,.
<katester> haha
<mkb> damn that was probably several other guys' junk then
<tylerox> it wasn't like a mouthful
<tylerox> it was just the aftertaste, really
<LeslieHapablap> still.
<tylerox> i mean she's not walking around with it in her cheek or anything
<PaddyBoy> hahaha.
<PaddyBoy> Saving it for just the right schmuck.
<LeslieHapablap> chipmunk the junk.
<tylerox> like a plug of tobbaco
<sureshot> haha.  christ.
<eliti> hahahahahaha

#34295 +(45)- [X]

<Porcupine> #animefiends, lots of fun
<Porcupine> [22:57] <Porcupine> [Chii], do you like your meat hot or cold
<Porcupine> [22:57] <Abizoath> anyways I am off to fade into obscurity....
<Porcupine> [22:57] <Rintaun> theedge[h: not if you use good compression :P
<Porcupine> [22:57] <[Chii]> porc: depends which kind
<Porcupine> [22:57] <Porcupine> [Chii]: my kind
<Iruja> lol
<guns7007> Porc making fun of chii won't get your meat in his mouth any faster
<guns7007> just offer him a buck and mention 10-10-220
<guns7007> it always works in the commercials

#38286 +(250)- [X]

<TreFitty> bloodClot`, I remember when you made fun of my viewsonic monitor
<TreFitty> :(
<bloodClot`> you remember a lot of weird shit that never happened

#42327 +(56)- [X]

<[Lemmy]> hey btw where r u?
<Massive_Potato> virginia
<[Lemmy]> aww... after all that bash.org stuff I first read that as 'vagina'

#42602 +(99)- [X]

--- Bigchris[porn] is now known as Bigchris
<Bigchris> damn i hate this weather
<Bigchris> cant get it up

#45529 +(238)- [X]

<Twinge> To think, there are 8.065817517e67 possible games of freecell, and I've only beaten 3.

#47848 +(492)- [X]

·protanos· Having sex is like being level 1. Sure, it's exciting playing a
new class, but it doesn't really get fun until you _know_ how to play the
·Siv· protanos, that is possibly the geekiest analogy i've ever had
the displeasure of hearing

#51132 +(479)- [X]

<DN-Mark> touch and taste are basically the same
<Jude> Please... I dare you to go squeeze a donut in your fist until you can feel how sugary and sweet it is.

#53096 +(149)- [X]

* koin freaks.
<koin> Harry Potter porn X_x
<koin> Not what I was looking for. Well, not HP anyway. :P
<Solaris> Been there, done that, bought it.
<koin> You have HP porn?
<Solaris> No.
<koin> I was about to say...
<koin> ...Why aren't you shari- I mean <_< >_>

#54292 +(183)- [X]

<Weng> "6. You are rated higher than 55% of the men on this site"
<Weng> My girlfriend didn't even rate me a 10 :/
<J4k3> she's settling for a 5... inch
<Weng> She's settling for a lot less than 5 inches

#57013 +(570)- [X]

<IRh@x0r> h0w d0 1 g3t the m0d5 to @nsw3r my qu35+i0n?
<pualat166> stop talkin like a fucked up irc nerd fuckwit and they will listen to you maybe
<IRh@x0r> 1337

#59894 +(273)- [X]


#64123 +(274)- [X]

<filefly> and she asked me "should i be worried?" i said "no, you wanna know what i think?"
<filefly> so i told her
<filefly> "...and the prospect of finding her perfect educational institution threatens to overwhelm her tiny brain"
<filefly> which normally would've made her laugh
<filefly> had i not left the letters "i" and "n" off of "brain"
* filefly bashes head on desk repeatedly

#71162 +(867)- [X]

<pHluid> GF the other day said something about me not washing my hands after I take a piss
<pHluid> "First of all, I don't piss on my hands. Secondly, you put the damn thing IN YOUR MOUTH, I think I'll be allright to touch it every now and then."
<pHluid> That shut her up.

#75249 +(691)- [X]

<CyberMind> ive been programming and using computers since my old days in the womb.
<CyberMind> umbilical ethernet
<SR71Goku> how fast do you get on it?
<SR71Goku> I'd imagine at least 1gigabit/s
<CyberMind> actually quite slow.
<CyberMind> network was flooded with protein and nutrient packets.
<SR71Goku> LOL...
<SR71Goku> "Daddy once DoSed my connection..."
<CyberMind> ok im ending it right there.

#75832 +(1091)- [X]

<+nexx> im thinking of quitting university to spend my life reading every quote on bash.org, quote this on bash so when im 30 ill read this and remember where my life went wrong.

#76583 +(41)- [X]

<Midnight> Damn... You 56k people will wait forever to download stuff.
<[56K]Dragonsbook> that's because we have the patience of rocks^^

#77202 +(350)- [X]

(skootlez): WrxionWRK.....
(skootlez): wanna fuck?
* WrxionWRK takes a deep breath
(WrxionWRK): I'm sorry im going to have to decline your offer for sexual intercourse at this time, due to unforseen circumstances.
(WrxionWRK): however, i do wish you the very best in your ventures.
(WrxionWRK): this was an automated message. Please do not reply.
* WrxionWRK breathes

#102979 +(915)- [X]

<cwilbur> we have a database table with fifteen million rows in it.
<cwilbur> they brought a manual database change in.
<cwilbur> "please print a table dump before and after you make the change."
<Azhrarn> nothing like hard copy to recover mistakes from!
<cwilbur> there are fifteen million rows in the table.  if you want us to make a dump of the table just in case, that makes sense.  but do you really want a *book*?
<cwilbur> "our policy says that we need a printout."
<confound> hahaha
<cwilbur> oooookay.
<Azhrarn> print out a link to the backup on your intranet :)
<confound> "that's not MY policy."
<cwilbur> no, they want a printout, they'll get a printout.
<pmichaud> what font size?  how many lines per page?
<Azhrarn> Poor trees
<Halfjack> They'll only want it once.
<cwilbur> when someone asks why we've gone through three toner cartridges and the printer is still printing, we'll refer them to the twit.
<Azhrarn> shrink the font till it fits on one page :)
<pmichaud> purl, 15000000 / 66
<purl> 227272.727272727
<Azhrarn> !
<pmichaud> purl, 227272 / 5000
<purl> 45.4544
<pmichaud> 45 cases of paper :-)
<pmichaud> at 66 lines per page
<Azhrarn> and after he makes the changes...

#105353 +(2019)- [X]

<TheVirus> So I had a girlfriend for all of 9 months. She dropped
           by one afternoon when I was sick with a pan of brownies and a video
           tape with the simpsons on it (my favorite show). so I start eating
           the brownies and turn on the tape. midway through it, it cuts to
           her sucking off some dude. he nuts in her mouth, she looks at the
           camera, and says "you're dumped. enjoy the brownies" - and spits
           the mouthful of cum into a bowl of brownie mix.
<alexandr-> you didn't keep eating the brownies did you?
<TheVirus> sure did
<TheVirus> i was hungry

#121231 +(201)- [X]

<Allister> Rookie, look in your Maximum PC where it compared all those gaming machines.
<R00kie_> hold on , gota wipe the sticky stuff off

#123920 +(343)- [X]

<Donut[AFK]> .. this is my new pickup line.
<@Meikai> Twitch.
<Donut[AFK]> "Hey, did I mention I have a single cock, and that it is of average size and shape?"
<Donut[AFK]> "Also, I have no STDs!"
<@Meikai> "Because I never get laid!"

#124148 +(234)- [X]

Mattbot80: The creepiest thing happened at work the other day i went to the bathroom and there was a female janitor cleaning it and i was like shit i'll have to come back later she sees me and says something in spanish i have no idea what she said but she had like an evil witch cackel a hispanic guy had walked in behind me and told me she had invited me to go ahead it creeped me out
DaShizza: You seriously should have just whipped it out, did you really have anything to lose?
Mattbot80: Well i went the urinal and whipped it out thinking that's creepy but she wouldn't be able to see anything but my back but then she starts mopping around my feet and then she put the mop between my legs and hit my foot and i was like fuck this i'm gone i'll piss myself if i need to.
Mattbot80: It was the most akward momownt i've ever had in a bathroom
DaShizza: hahahha
i just showed my co-worker
hahah, thats hysterical
Mattbot80: Glad you enjoyed it this may very well cause deep emotional scarring and a phobia of public bathrooms or female janitors

#138641 +(17)- [X]

Skywalker> we need a transportation systems like the Europians
Pheylan> smelly?

#189055 +(1077)- [X]

<A_Witt> it's 1:45 am and I swear I just heard somone walking down the street playing a trumpet

#426527 +(7145)- [X]

<green> We vegetarians love the environment. carnivores are sick freaks.
<Frank> How can vegetarians possibly love the environment.. you keep eating all the fucking plants

#444394 +(931)- [X]

<kai> dwi
<pancakguy> dealing with intent?
<Nosnam> lol, dealing with intent?
<Nosnam> Is it possible to deal without intent? SHIT OFFICER, I ACCIDENTLY SOLD SOME POT

#446107 +(374)- [X]

(Cap`nRoy) I hate salt
(Cap`nRoy) but I am the saltiest of the sea-dogs
(KaLdAiS712) If you were to lick Cap`nRoy, you would die of salt.
(KaLdAiS712) Also several venerial diseases.

#470021 +(1331)- [X]

<ptp`R-N-C`efegege> how many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
<The_only_Vanilla_Willy> HOW MANY?!
<ptp`R-N-C`efegege> none they just sit in the dark and cry

#475919 +(2301)- [X]

<Stryyp> im never stopping for small animals crossing the road again
<Stryyp> i hit on the brakes and almost wrecked.
<Stryyp> the little bastard sits there and stares at me for a minute, then continues to cross the road
<Stryyp> and out of nowhere a truck comes from the other direction and pancakes the sucker

#525423 +(1366)- [X]

<uZi`> i got a photographic memory
<uZi`> :/
<Grimmeehh> cool
<Grimmeehh> porn on demand
<uZi`> mainly for numbers tho
<Grimmeehh> o
<uZi`> only ascii porn
<uZi`> :(

#714662 +(996)- [X]

anonymous: It can be "free" if you look in the right places, I think I'll go TO the video stoRe to RENT a movie now.

#812304 +(2604)- [X]

<royan> Soemone bluetooth'd me a picture titles Jesus.jpg the other day. When I tried to exit the message reader, it said: Jesus not saved. Save now?
<royan> I have God's cellphone.

0.0620 21090 quotes approved; 1177 quotes pending
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