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#298 +(972)- [X]

<DigDug> how about i make a special back door, just for you :-)
<Amanda_> Oh, that'll work just as well
<McMoo> pen just invited you to have ass sex with him

#392 +(138)- [X]

<FRoGGuM> So where the hell do u get this bot program?

#960 +(511)- [X]

<c-rOCK> man napster is like tupac, that shits never going to die.

#1037 +(959)- [X]

<Mass> hey does anyone know what the song name is by Frankie Lymon that goes Uhhh uhh uh uh uhahhhhh uhh uhh uh

#2104 +(667)- [X]

<Tim_K> last time I jumped into a convertible.. I nearly got but-fucked by the gear shifter..

#4082 +(385)- [X]

<[ric]> Jim, tsk, tsk... you're getting as bad as me :)
<JibberJim> Eh, I've never been unnatural with a goat.
<[ric]> jim... ok, almost as bad as me

#5353 +(489)- [X]

<AlmtyBob> k funny story tiem
<AlmtyBob> there's this guy at work
<AlmtyBob> and back in the days
<AlmtyBob> I would tell people to ask him how fast his dad can run
<AlmtyBob> and they would
<AlmtyBob> and he'd say, 'dude that's kinda fucked up, my dad lost his legs in a construction accident'
<AlmtyBob> and he's a total straight-faced mf, so it got the best reactions from people
<AlmtyBob> (it was a joke, his dad was fine)
<AlmtyBob> I got this new dealer to do it to him today, he's a supervisor
<AlmtyBob> I was talking to my friend later and I told him to go up to this chick and ask the same thing
<AlmtyBob> little did he know, her father was murdered a few years back
<AlmtyBob> joke's on him!
<AlmtyBob> well, you had to be there

#6232 +(364)- [X]

* bago wants cex;
<BreeBaby> hehe...you havent had it in so long you forgot how to spell it

#6572 +(498)- [X]

(motardo): gay men are more likely to have homosexual sex than straight men

#7457 +(223)- [X]

<mp> wanna invest in some mp love coupons?
<dev0n> mp: no. i think my mutual fund will perform better :)

#8031 +(226)- [X]

<iggypop> licking my own sweaty balls > quicktime

#9989 +(383)- [X]

<Bearsy> hehehe... you dont really NEED pants.. they're just a nice to have
<rik0> i only have them for the pockets

#14905 +(43)- [X]

*** christina19 has joined #teens
<christina19> chatting is gay

#17373 +(322)- [X]

<LoRdZephyR> i cant swim
<roboman20> i thought only people with down syndrome couldnt swim
* roboman20 hands zeph a chromosome

#21667 +(240)- [X]

<TheWoland> If anyone molests me while I'm gone, take some pictures for my website

#23463 +(224)- [X]

<@dos622> apparntly back in the 70s they called cock tube steak
<AppleRuly> ahh
<@dos622> but in the 50s tube steak was hot dog
<@dos622> as in the food
<AppleRuly> my grandma was rofl
<@dos622> what?
<AppleRuly> i told her the tube steak thing and she goes "you're dirty"
<AppleRuly> i just said do you like tube steak
<AppleRuly> and she goes "you're dirty"
<@dos622> lol

#30149 +(252)- [X]

<TFA|PL4YER> woot looking forward to getting my new hd tonight
<TFA|MikeRotch> hehe
<TFA|PL4YER> now i dont have to be "choosy" with what porns i keep
<TFA|MikeRotch> now THAT's how you know you have a sad life

#33701 +(90)- [X]

<@Evil_Ed> lets see...blowjob, or ircd.
<@Evil_Ed> hm.
<@Dianora> ircd sure is tough, lets go shopping!

#33963 +(48)- [X]

<Draggy>: i have a life...
<pimp-daddy-squall> : which consists of still trying to hit puberty

#34178 +(352)- [X]

<Azif> Somehow, getting lucky with google isn't as satisfying as it sounds...

#34755 +(-138)- [X]

<Ac3-Drakenon> when i was with pure at the laser tag place there were some asians and i yelled
<Ac3-Drakenon> "I LIKE FLIED LICE"
<mr`bob> and then they kicked ur ass?
<Ac3-Drakenon> lol no, they were lil fat asians
<Ac3-Drakenon> i step on them and get blubber on my shoe

#35944 +(149)- [X]

<MyTh`snoogans> i told one of my teachers one time to stfu.. i said the letters.. he didnt know what it meant

#37152 +(412)- [X]

<LordArgent> I see an iMac and I want it painted black, no colors anymore I want them to turn black.
<LordArgent> It's not a real computer, you have to face the facts. When you're on a Macintosh, your soul has turned to black.

#45419 +(397)- [X]

<Spazz> I want to find a girl who is not afraid of dating a geek guy.
<Spazz> You know... one that says "Oh, I don't care if I can't bring him out in public...   he's got big junk!"
<StalkerofurSoul> "I dont care if hes ugly and has pimples, did you see that quake win loss ratio?"
<StalkerofurSoul> he's got the finest c++ ive ever set my eyes on
<StalkerofurSoul> omfg, and we was sitting there... and he pulled it out, and i asked if i could see it.... and he let me hold it....a wireless mouse! what will they think of next!

#46259 +(170)- [X]

TaXxXi: Umm...someone in our apartment complex wrote "U Suck Dick" in gold spraypaint on someone's brand new PT Cruiser.
weird_aunt_martha: yeah PT cruisers are THAT ugly
TaXxXi: I feel bad because I kinda laughed.

#48419 +(236)- [X]

<White_Devil> ppl who put down other ppl from other countries are basicly ingnorant...We are all from the human race and the sooner ppl can put away their bias, the sooner they can be dominated by the USA

#60660 +(2191)- [X]

<Mank> Happy New Year.
<Mank> 666 + 1337 = 2003
<Anders> So the Antichrist is to arrive this year in the form of a preteen hacker?
<Chris_A> It's the Ap0cA1yp53!!!!111
<Mank> a11 uR j3suz r b3lonG 2 US!!!!!!

#71983 +(1245)- [X]

<keevs> umm from IRC or IRL?
<Doomers> What program is IRL?
<Mal> my god

#76458 +(304)- [X]

<jotun> i saw this cute little asian girl on tv last night. i said to my friend, "she's hot." turned out to be a young boy, dressed as a girl. i shall never hear the end
<jona> !!
<cows> haha.
<jona> Ha ha.
<jotun> :<

#81140 +(151)- [X]

[ @Sin|ion ] it's very hard to take down the internet
[ @Sin|ion ] cuz it's not just one server

#82055 +(572)- [X]

<jebus2000> do muslums say OMFA?

#82072 +(252)- [X]

<Vexx> laptops needs a new name
<Vexx> 'cause if you keep them on your lap, it burns your crotch.
<+winterlike> sounds like a girl i once knew

#98459 +(269)- [X]

(DiscoFever) bah, twas the night befor christmas and all through the house
(DiscoFever) not a creature was stiring
(+cow) not even a mouse?
(DiscoFever) except for cow because he was a fucking jew and didn't believe in christmas

#105421 +(56)- [X]

cory: so how much shit did you pack.
tara: like 2 duffle bags.
cory:  damm thats alot of shit packing.
tara: yeh i inventoried it.
cory:  huh, so thats what they call it these days.

#106663 +(105)- [X]

<Kudakeru> i just comitted a twinkie hate crime...

#106974 +(408)- [X]

* Wanai slaps AndrewLB around a bit with a large trout
<AndrewLB> ???
<AndrewLB> What did I do?
<Wanai> sorry, just discovering stuff :p
<Wanai> no harm towards you
<AndrewLB> Oh, discovery, eh?
* AndrewLB gets out whip, candles and enema.
<AndrewLB> I've got your discovery right here bitch.

#127120 +(1138)- [X]

<kroike> oh sweet jesus
<AcidReign> threatened me and said I wasn't sharing enough
<kroike> semen feels horrible in open wounds
<@Knights> ...
<@|00Kevin|> wtf
<AcidReign> ...
<@|00Kevin|> that deserves more than a "..." people

#185361 +(9130)- [X]

<Fenris> My mom found me perusing bash.org and looking up quotes about incest, and was like OMG!
<Fenris> Now she actually goes there regularly to make sure there aren't any new text words that have been searched for
<Fenris> I saw her looking at the site yesterday, and was like, "WTF??"
<Fenris> And she said she was just checking to see what kind of stuff I look at online.
<Fenris> I swear, someday I'm just going to rape that bitch.
<ctone> ...
<ctone> now theres a quote for bash.org
<Fenris> Don't you fucking dare.

#215017 +(145)- [X]

< enclaved> apple has apparently made up for its stupid miniipod
< hangman> what'd it do?
< enclaved> superbowl ads featuring people the riaa sued
< enclaved> its pepsis ad for the free songs
< enclaved> but, apple makes it posssible.
< RageFury> enclaved: So it's gonna pan the camera around everyone in
                  the stadium?
< enclaved> heh
< enclaved> they didn't sue that many people...
< RageFury> WELL, Too bad that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers didn't get
                  into the superbowl, or else they can pan the camera around
                  the team and accuse them of being...pirates.

#215032 +(135)- [X]

<[CNI]Smy> k now that i just relized that those were like $200 headphones
<[CNI]Smy> i am gona go out and buy some glue
<[CNI]Smy> and fix em
<[CNI]Goose> get crazy glue, it can even glue your arm back on, U can use it for emergency surgery in the field....
<[CNI]Smy> no i cant
<[CNI]Smy> cuz then i will have the urge to cut my dogs legs off and try to glue them back on.

#308143 +(356)- [X]

Retrace: so what is she?
Retrace: a .073 or a 10.0000000001
cryptic: shes like an 8
Retrace: whoa
Retrace: wait....a internet 8 or a real world 8?

#371989 +(798)- [X]

<SkyJammer> I need a cute girl to give me a neck massage.
<shellspark> What about a semi-attractive monkey?
<SkyJammer> No.
<SkyJammer> A cute girl.  Human.
<MousePad> Your standards are way too high.
<SkyJammer> Your standards are way too low.
<shellspark> Perhaps, but I bet he gets his neck massage

#430941 +(879)- [X]

<Zee-sleep> i got full marks for answering "what would encryption be used for?" with "KFC's 11 secret herbs and spices"

#448929 +(318)- [X]

<rohirrim-not-a-mofo> i have to go now
<rohirrim-not-a-mofo> toodloo
<rohirrim-not-a-mofo> au revoir
<rohirrim-not-a-mofo> aufwierdershen
<rohirrim-not-a-mofo> chin chow tay
* rohirrim-not-a-mofo was kicked by Sarumatt||Lurking (Or just plain "Goodbye.")

#574542 +(913)- [X]

<Spacetrash> there's this sign at the bottom of the stairway that is bothering me
<Spacetrash> it says "floors are slippery when wet"
<Spacetrash> well no shit
<Spacetrash> you put the fucking sign up when the floors are wet to alert people they are wet and therefore slippery, putting up that sign is like getting rid of the fire alarms and putting up signs that say FIRE IS HOT

#576134 +(38)- [X]

<Frosty> So, howabout Recent Sports Event?  An impressive display of physical acumen, no?
<LOAF> Only an *EVIL* monopoly would buy a license for something!
<LOAF> I have dotcomopoly
<Halman> Wow, are all the squares reposessed?
<LOAF> Most of them no longer exist.
<Halman> Hehehehehehehehe

#646230 +(766)- [X]

Veav: I would do weird things with my kids.
Veav: Their first language will be BASIC.
Veav: They'll be running around yelling "10 print daddy, 20 print daddy, 30 print can I have some candy, 40 input x?"
Chef Brian: So Veav, I take it they won't be functional members of any society?
Veav: And I'd be all "X = NO!"

#675557 +(1051)- [X]

<nilson> I have 4.5 gallons of beer
<nilson> for my after prom party
<Advil> that's a lot of beer
<Advil> for two guys

#742408 +(2579)- [X]

<Javin> Oh.
<Javin> My.
<Javin> God.
<Javin> We have a unit here.  It's about the size of a small speaker.
<Javin> In big letters across the front of it, it says "DATA DESTROYER."
<Javin> Some idiot comes into my office just now, and asks, "hey, what is this thing?"
<Javin> I say sarcastically, "it's a DVD polisher..."
<Javin> Next thing I hear:  *GRIND GRIND GRIND* "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!"
<Javin> Now they're pissed at ME.
<Javin> Because THEY couldn't read.
<Javin> Besides, it's not like I gave them PERMISSION to use MY "DVD Polisher."
<Javin> I hate people.

#962656 +(195)- [X]

< Dustin> I was talking to a French friend earlier. He was annoyed that English didn't have a word for a specific kind of pride like French does. I pointed out that the French having more words for pride is like the Inuits having more words for snow.
< Dustin> He didn't laugh. =[

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