#360 +(1123)- [X]
<sphynx> crushes suck
<sphynx> i hate em
<sphynx> the dilemma, the desperation
<sphynx> the hopes dashed etc
<shirazz> the masturbation
<bark> the masturbation is ok.
<Kyoto> hey.. the masturbation is good..
#2708 +(1044)- [X]
(ashke) id like to take someone from the 1950s
(ashke) like some 15 year old kid
(ashke) and show him the internet
(ashke) "GOLLY GEE LOOK AT THAT DONKEY HAVE SEX WITH THAT LADY"
#3925 +(69)- [X]
<gg0dd> ok what do i declare the variable the user inputs an IP adress??
<gg0dd> u know lets say i want him to type 127.0.0.1
<O_6> what language are you speaking?
#4021 +(800)- [X]
<Dark_un> man this shit is fucked
<Synoptica> whats that?
* Dark_un produces a piece of shit with a particularly suspicious looking hole
#7134 +(218)- [X]
<Grant|BnW> Have you seen what happens if you give the mariners a sheep?
<CrashCat> lots of uses
<Grant|BnW> "A sheep. Lovely! Sheep have many uses, and the voyage is long."
<CrashCat> try giving them a woman
<Grant|BnW> What do they say?
<Grant|BnW> I'm trying to be nice now, so I don't want to if they'll rape or eat her.
<Grant|BnW> I wouldn't put anything past fucking accordian players.
#7781 +(418)- [X]
<n2d2> i didnt put bon jovi in the playlist
<n2d2> oh my god
<chaobacca> Bon Jovi - Bad Medicine
<n2d2> my bon jovi mp3s have become self-aware
#7883 +(461)- [X]
<djrm> Q what is the penalty for exceeding your space quota?
<Alaric> death by pineapple
<djrm> ooo err
#8598 +(21)- [X]
<[T]ANGo> I fear that Tech Knight would not pass through a metal detector unnoticed.
<Crashie_> and he has no hobbies :)
<Filly-O-F> apart from masturbating furiously into fistfuls of his own feces
#8965 +(472)- [X]
*** gamingsloop0r is now known as sloop
<@sloop> when u leave home remember this important lesson
<@sloop> on a sunday
<@sloop> when ur not doing anything
<@sloop> phone them
<@sloop> they will phone u when ur busy
<@sloop> and expect a 1 hr conversation
<@ronindm> well it is fathers' day
<@sloop> oh shit
<@sloop> brb making a call
#22192 +(149)- [X]
<Thrash123> Yes, because they "reviewed the URLs and came to the decision that my User ID was being used to view pornographic material"
<Thrash123> So I'm getting accused of trying 243 times to access porno :)
<Dank_Budz> they must have seen goatse.cx
#33685 +(18)- [X]
<Fashnek> I'm bi
* Fashnek chokes on his rubber dinner
<Fashnek> that sounds so wrong
#36427 +(30)- [X]
<Geezus-stick> irc has to be the greatest achievement of mankind
#37838 +(66)- [X]
<WhatIWasGoing2SayHereDoesntFit> (maggots are technically still meat right?)
#38961 +(156)- [X]
* ZondrZout has entered
<ZondrZout> Well, how typical...
<ZondrZout> Only the bot greets me
#41407 +(98)- [X]
<rocksicle> You know you use computers too much when your doing something in real life, make a mistake, and try to press ctrl-z.
#44158 +(23)- [X]
<gweedo> the French government's nuclear 'football' contains white flags and translations of 'We surrender' in 178 languages
#50954 +(770)- [X]
tom: youb willb neverb elieveb this
tom: butb myb spaceb keyb keeps bputtingb ab spaceb andb then bab
tom: ab b
tom: whatb theb fuck
Cube: thta's really funny
tom: MAKEB ITB FUCKINGB STOP
tom: ohb heyb I bfoundb theb problem
tom: there bisb something bbetweenb theb bandb spaceb keys
#54240 +(299)- [X]
<Macabre> dammit, y'know what? tday I was waiting for a cab, and the chick next to me was like, hey cutie. And I wink, then she looks down at my crotch, smiles for abit, then smacks my face.
<Macabre> IN FROTN OF ALMSOT 500 FUKCING PEPLE!!
<Macabre> Y'know why?
<Macabre> BEcause I was holing my handphone in my right hand pocket, and it started vibrating because I got a call. I dunno about yous guys phones, but mine vibrates like a pussy vibrator, ie really pwoerfully
<Macabre> she must have thought I was wacking to her or something.. :(
#57753 +(232)- [X]
< peter> alanis morrisette is a prime example of why horses shouldn't be allowed to sing.
#59703 +(2653)- [X]
<AdmiralPJ> I can predict things before they happen
<AdmiralPJ> yes i know
<ari> That's precognition, not telepathy
<ari> Ah, damnit...
<ari> Good one
#60271 +(429)- [X]
<@Pimp-Jojo> mc... i saw a guy in a wheelchair begging for money and playing a flute
<@Pimp-Jojo> couple of hours later i saw him gettng chased by the police on foot
<@Pimp-Jojo> i mean wtf
<+_Mc_> still doesnt beat my tramp with the cardboard cutout banjo
#76308 +(245)- [X]
<Mutsumi_Otohime> I just played SC with one of my IRL friends :P
<Mutsumi_Otohime> My only REAL irl friend, actually :P
<MegamanX2K> your hand?
#78873 +(242)- [X]
<[NSGuide]Greedo386> I'm American. I respect the Bill of Rights. Freedom of Speech is one of the greatest parts of being American. That being said, you have no rights in here, whatsoever.
#80627 +(302)- [X]
<Schroe> Christ, I don't know how those girls think their bones are so attractive.
<TheNintenGenius> Attack of the Super Thin
<TheNintenGenius> Of course, they're easily defeated. Just tell them they're fat.
#85870 +(579)- [X]
<Asuka_Aogiri> I mean, when I pet my cat while she's in heat, I think to myself 'This is the closest I'll get to touching a horny female in my entire life...cool.'
<Shinra> You stroked that hot pussy, eh?
<Josh_Aogiri> ...that's the most disturbing thing you've ever said.
#97939 +(116)- [X]
<Tleilaxu[UN1]> I am soon to be my own corporation!!!
<Tleilaxu[UN1]> now to start the shady deals and insider trading
<BigSax[UN1]|aboot> send some stock tips my way
<Tleilaxu[UN1]> im the only stock owner... guess i shouldnt try to cheat myself
<Tleilaxu[UN1]> ill be a type-s corporation
<Tleilaxu[UN1]> tried for the faster type-r for the extra horsepower
#105377 +(27)- [X]
<Radamanthys> BTW, necrophilia is the one who has a friendship with the dead, pedophilia is the one who has a friendship with the children, but, how are called those who have a friendship with animals?
<FlareonAtma> rada: "mexicans"
<Radamanthys> atma- ;x
#105735 +(113)- [X]
<mironixima> any redhat 9 users in here?
<SKaReCRoW> let's hope not
#114610 +(1112)- [X]
<Aaron|SYS> I am Aaron, a System Operator (SYSOP) for Mindspring
<Aaron|SYS> I will be monitoring the activities of Mindspring and Earthlink subscribers this evening
<Aaron|SYS> Have a pleasurable and enjoyable day or night!
*** Quits: Aaron|SYS (Killed (SFC (hi, I'm an ircoperator, and I will be regulating your activity monitoring)))
#118548 +(791)- [X]
<sherlock_holmes|eating> heh, so i an anatomoy paper due yesterday, and when i was babysitting last week i asked if they wouldn't mind if i usede their comp
<sherlock_holmes|eating> the dad said yea, so i asked if he had a filter for adult material turned on. he got a suspicious look in his eye and i told him that filters also block out non-pr0n related material, and since i'm doing an anatomy paper, it'd block out words that anatomy sites use, like penis or vagina
<sherlock_holmes|eating> he said he'd turn it off on the condition that i would promise not to use it for pr0n and i said 'nah, i took care of that before i came over' and we both kind of chuckled
<sherlock_holmes|eating> needless to say his wife was saying good-bye to the kid in the next room and they could hear me and not 10 minutes later i'm at home just wondering why my timid masturbation joke did more damage to that kids inner psyche than his mom calling me a filthy bastard who should rot in hell right in front of the little guy in that high annoying voice that women get...
<ssj_gotensama> lol, you were gonna use it for wankin weren't ya
<sherlock_holmes|eating> no that's the thing, i wasn't... i brought over anal invaders 2 for when the kid went to sleep, you can track web surfing history, you can't track what videos you put in the vcr
<ssj_gotensama> well i guess the worst part is your out of an 8 buck an hour job
<sherlock_holmes|eating> no the worst part is i left my anatomy book over at their place and i don't have the balls to go over and ask for it =(
#120100 +(418)- [X]
<MrWhippy> The term 'Bisexual' is the politicly correct way to say you fuck anything
#126826 +(783)- [X]
<Oddlies> spawn killing is when you kill someone as they respawn you nub
<Chimp> I do that in wolfenstein with the mortar
<Oddlies> then you're a spawn kiling nub
<Oddlies> :. sux
<Oddlies> spawn killing is not cool D:
<Chimp> They are liek: OMG YOU NUB! I HAT YOU! STOP IT PLESE. CAN YOU TEACH ME HOW TO SPAWN KILL?
<Chimp> I only do it when I need the xp
<Oddlies> that's like saying "I only rape toddlers when I need to get laid"
<Oddlies> it doesn't make it cool
#141798 +(550)- [X]
(Serial) where can i buy speakers online
#166906 +(624)- [X]
<emlodro> what country is exe
<think> binary islands
#202117 +(476)- [X]
kakoru> Okay, I watching pr0n on my comp and after watching it for a while,I spilled my future kids are on my keyboard..My parents are probably going to see this any minutes by now!! WHAT SHOULD I DO??
Kapoop> Jesus gave you a tongue for a reason
#202523 +(36)- [X]
<kim> heh... i just got on my gma's aol account... she has an email from her friend w/ the subject of: 7 great positions in bed
<Kirill> are you serious kim?
<Kirill> hahahahha wtf
#246484 +(109)- [X]
expyro: I loved setting those things that came in the packages on fire. THey would ignite, then explode. Then on exploded in my hair. It wasnt funny anymore
#307376 +(816)- [X]
<mehonae128> Was ist den der Fahrplan fur zwei?
<mehonae128> what is the time table for 4?
<Seppel> 1 is not on the time table for 4.
<mehonae128> 4 time 1 is 1
<Seppel> You're an idiot.
<mehonae128> anything times 1 oh wait
#462310 +(9682)- [X]
< robT> Name ONE thing that your windows comp can do that my MAC cant
< bawss> Right click.
#486158 +(1083)- [X]
Plouj> I can't put a finger on my problem(s).
@Pezmaker> Plouj: touch your finger to your forehead
#580702 +(2144)- [X]
<Indiana> What's a cuntwaffle?
<Indiana> Ah, never mind, I'll ask my mom when she comes on. She knows everything about cooking and food.
#604958 +(-172)- [X]
(+fraseyboy) i got thermal grease on my finger. does this mean its going to melt? O_o!!!
(+chronomaster5042) no, it meand you cant melt, go ahead, touch something hot
(+fraseyboy) wow cool
(+fraseyboy) does it work the same way for cold stuff?
(+chronomaster5042) it THERMAL greese
(+chronomaster5042) not COLD greese
(+fraseyboy) il put my finger in the fridge just to try it out...
#648305 +(1810)- [X]
MorningQueen: Why are you against abortion?
MassHypnosisJoe: I'm just against women making choices
#707689 +(346)- [X]
<Albides> I was insane before I used the internet... I was confused after I used it. Then horrified as I found out about things like dolphin sex and furries.
#727509 +(1334)- [X]
<karrde> i asked Windows to delete 36 000 files from a directory, and i ve already waited for 15 minutes and nothing resultes...
<LoL> it is preparing 36 000 "are you sure?" windows
#764292 +(1404)- [X]
Magna Carta: Being in Alexa's top 1000 says a lot for any site...
Motley: Related: In walmart today, it was pretty packed
Motley: and my nephew (11) is going to get some icees, he gets ready to turn left out of electronics
Motley: and he goes 'dude, what flavor?'
Motley: I shouted 'MOAR MUDKIPS' (aka blue)
Motley: Then this is what I hear..
Motley: Far left: 'KILL IT WITH FIRE!'
Motley: Far right: 'NO U'
Motley: Behind: 'DO NOT WANT'
Motley: and then god bless 'em, the guy standing *right* next to me goes 'shut the fuck up btards!"
Magna Carta: ...
Magna Carta: You live in EKY?
Magna Carta: OSHIT
#772147 +(1714)- [X]
Yakuza: We get telemarketers all the time calling my house
Yakuza: So one night me and my friends got together and waited for one to call
Yakuza: When one did, I picked it up and was like talking to the guy, giving him that false hope
Yakuza: Then I had my friends ring the doorbell, and I was like oh hold on
Yakuza: I went to the door and had my friends like shout shit like "There he is! Get him!"
Yakuza: And we started popping balloons and had a movie on full blast in the background
Yakuza: And then I let out this gut wrenching scream
Yakuza: I let the line go silent, and the guy on the other end was like "uhh... sir?"
Yakuza: Then my friend ran over and picked up the phone and was like "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS!?"
Yakuza: I guess he hung up like instantly :D
#787734 +(988)- [X]
Trey: for some reason IE is throwing a SHIT-FIT about where I'm using
document.getElementById("displayBoardSelector").innerHTML = html;
what the hell. explain your stupid browser.
Dakk12: did you properly light your incense?
Dakk12: in what order did you do the chant and throw the chicken bones?
#830741 +(478)- [X]
<Geekzilla> "Ah. I see here you were a Geek Squad Special Agent"
<Geekzilla> "Yes, sir. Three years in the field. I was quite good at my job"
<Geekzilla> "I see. Well, thanks for coming in to interview, unfortunately we have no need for your services"
<Geekzilla> "But... but I thought you said you needed an experienced, talented IT tech?!"
<Geekzilla> "Exactly. Good luck in your job search"
#910098 +(754)- [X]
<Pahricida> and I never want to get rickrolled again by my alarm clock
<Linds-inClass> radio clock?
<Pahricida> it woke me up with a rickroll
<Linds-inClass> that is pure awesome
<Pahricida> not if it happens to you
<Pahricida> you're like
<Pahricida> "NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOOOOOOOOOWN!"
<Pahricida> "AH SHUT THE FUCK UP"