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#354 +(1573)- [X]

*** Penfold has quit IRC (Excess Flood)
*** Penfold (abullard@missing.linc.ox.ac.uk) has joined #keble
<Penfold> Excess flood my arse
<Ganesh> no thanks

#3004 +(213)- [X]

<ChunLi> my friend works at a hospital and said this guy came in with an aspargaus stuck up his ass =)

#3099 +(559)- [X]

<spazzer> i think i'm wearing my mom's pants right now
<spazzer> what the FUCK

#3433 +(1085)- [X]

<kolby> Allow me to be serious. Kolby serious? Yea right. Well I'm kinda drunk and feel like getting a few things off my chest. See I'm not even supposed to be alive right now. When my mom was giving birth there was a big problem. I was suffocating and I almost died.
<Wes> how were you suffocating?
<kolby> See what happend is that my dick was wrapped around my neck 8 times.

#4420 +(128)- [X]

<Hell_Patrol> to win the game, you must kill me... john romero

#4505 +(321)- [X]

<God_of_Mischief> SODOMIZING ME WILL NOT WARM MY ASS UP!

#5525 +(176)- [X]

<illz> i just got a text message on my phone
<illz> "Im playing w/ my clit hehe.."

#5599 +(200)- [X]

#7167 +(48)- [X]

<[7^11^Dropout]> i will put you in a wheelchair witha shpinning, half-twist, lebanese heel kick mate
<Mousey> if you were lebanese you would still be working at 7-11
<Mousey> lying cunt

#7285 +(520)- [X]

( Judge`ZzzZ) fmita Khorne-
( Khorne-   ) fmita?
( Khorne-   ) whats fmita short for? =)
( Khorne-   ) "fuck me in the ass?" .p
( Judge`ZzzZ) looks like it
( Fuzzy     ) you say it that often you need an acronym for it?

#7963 +(134)- [X]

<Vhata> #linux is one of those...
<Vhata> things
<Vhata> what do you call a project that is no longer being maintained?
<Nimnod> a failure.
<Vhata> heh

#8069 +(967)- [X]

<FaNtAcIgYrL> ello
<jeff> Do you realise that you have spelt both the words "fantasy" and "girl" incorrectly ? By doing this, are you displaying a vain attempt at what some may refer to as "coolness" ? Or is it that you can not spell ? If the former, I suggest you rethink your stance on social status and its implications. The later, perhaps you should start attending school.

#8643 +(143)- [X]

<mewse> we all gotta satisfy our irc addiction in one way or another
<mewse> if that means using aol, so be it

#8645 +(409)- [X]

<dr_rotcod> if my computer were human it'd be a limbless retard

#11892 +(387)- [X]

<lb-> They kept telling me I couldn't talk to a doctor.
<lb-> I was like "Well, I drank a good amount of my own pee. I'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO A FUCKING DOCTOR."

#12379 +(178)- [X]

<[{ug}]> hmm i really should spring clean this pooter. /usr/src is taking up 2.1Gb
<Lithium^> what have you got in there? the sources to your porn collection?

#15636 +(265)- [X]

<KB8> im sick of you crazypale
<crazypale> im sick of you to
<KB8> no im sick of you crazypale
<crazypale> no ,im sick of you to
<KB8> you gte on my damn nerves
<crazypale> you make my stomache turn asswipe
<KB8> i gotta go ill pm you later
<crazypale> ok l8r

#15965 +(229)- [X]

<^bat-sai> sendai :p
<sendai> bob
<^bat-sai> hows lismore?
<sendai> ok
<sendai> not horrible
<sendai> :)
<sendai> leaving tomorow afternoon   :)
<^bat-sai> i once went to lismore
<^bat-sai> for a baseball competition
<^bat-sai> when i was 13
<sendai> what happened bob?
<^bat-sai> i was mocked
<^bat-sai> because i was the only one who thought we were there to play baseball on the snes

#17085 +(233)- [X]

<StarlinVF> My mom watched me play Tribes2
<StarlinVF> she thinks I should go into the FBI

#17421 +(23)- [X]

<isd> if I could suck my dick, I would never leave my house

#22177 +(206)- [X]

<RedXIII> I'm thinking of becoming a health inspector :o
<RedXIII> "there's a 20 in this for you if you let that whole cockroach thing slide"
<RedXIII> "vishbar, you drive a hard bargain"

#22260 +(128)- [X]

<Atreides> crap i just deleted dransik
<Atreides> stupid gms..
<[Blitzkrieg]> lol
<Bartolimis> You're calling the GMs stupid because YOU deleted dransik?
<Atreides> yep

#24770 +(198)- [X]

<SVJ-FuNiOnZ> you havent seen shit till you've seen jesus throw gang signs..

#27168 +(457)- [X]

<PENGUIN_FUCKER> LINUX RULES ALL!!!!!
<PENGUIN_FUCKER> LINUX RULES ALL!!!!!
<PENGUIN_FUCKER> LINUX RULES ALL!!!!!
* PERL_ZEALOT has been kicked by PERL_ZEALOT (cock in mouth)
* PERL_ZEALOT (~perlzeal@d-xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx.dynamic.umr.edu) has joined #xxxxxxxx
* ChanServ sets mode +o PERL_ZEALOT
<PERL_ZEALOT> whoops XD
<PERL_ZEALOT> Stupid auto-complete

#30259 +(270)- [X]

#34759 +(155)- [X]

<AlmanzoW> Oh please.  Being in a car with Zot is like being strapped to your best friend's dad while he gets hard looking at Playboy

#39092 +(93)- [X]

<WintrHawk> I fart a lot in my jeep so if thieves try and break in to steal something, the gas will repel them

#39465 +(576)- [X]

<Turranius> Hate it when I wanna watch a movie, but dont wanna start it cause I need to pee and I'm too lazy to get up.
<Turranius> Im thirsty too
<Turranius> Hmm, I might be able to solve this after all.

#40475 +(1224)- [X]

<wirm> going to bed in 15 mins
<wirm> 10
<wirm> 12
<wirm> 14
<wirm> fucking download remain steady
<wirm> 13

#42549 +(559)- [X]

Jesus: my girl mastrabates more then i do
Finque: seeing as how your girl is your hand, i'd like to hear you explain that one

#49262 +(384)- [X]

<SO|Rancor> go use one of them stupid translators
<SO|Rancor> i used one once for spanish class...............and the teacher almost got me kicked out of school for accidentally saying your a fat old man who loves cock
<SO|Rancor> but the sentence in english was the man owned some chickens:-/

#54474 +(544)- [X]

<Dreaded_Fist[using_AOL]> I've had the internet since I was 9
<Dreaded_Fist[using_AOL]> course back then, when I looked for porn, I'd type "pictures of men and woman having sex"
<rpliving> now u just type in "pictures of men"

#58730 +(246)- [X]

RetardedCrow: www.ragingrooster.com
Chloe Margarita: You find the oddest sites. How do you do that?
RetardedCrow: I looked up cock.
RetardedCrow: Fights, er, cock FIGHTS

#58965 +(697)- [X]

* jesus takes off your pants.
* Sexypants is now known as Sexy
<jesus> rawr
<Sexy> jesus took off my pants
<Kitsa> the lord works in mysterious ways

#60371 +(511)- [X]

* Stan (Stan@dhcp024-209-052-025.neo.rr.com) has joined #techfreax
<Stan> what's c++?
<hypnetric> it's a rap artist
<Stan> he's good?
<hypnetric> lives in chicago
<Klone> He's almost as good as Java.
<hypnetric> yeah java owns
<Stan> do i compare to any of them?
<Klone> No, dude. Java is hardcore.

#78893 +(16)- [X]

<MikeyPain> A car in front of me
<MikeyPain> There were two heads at the drivers seat
<MikeyPain> one bobbing
<Psyderman> this one time i gave my mom head in a car
<MikeyPain> the car started to veer a shitload
<MikeyPain> and then the other head went to the passengers side
<@PK59> they were just holding hands and talking about jesus

#81929 +(457)- [X]

<U-571[ChaosFilms]> i love meh gf
<U-571[ChaosFilms]> i love saying that i have a gf
<ViPeR`> i have a gf too :D
<ViPeR`> i love her too :)
<[AoS]Albatros> YEAH I HAVE A GEFORCE TOO AND I LOVE THAT GRAPHICS CARD gawddamnit
<U-571[ChaosFilms]> my gf is a real person alba, not some piece of hardware thats shocks the shit out of your dick when it gives you head
<[AoS]Albatros> Nice idea
<[AoS]Albatros> brb

#95976 +(341)- [X]

<ErrectoR> hey anyone know where I can download all the old simpsons episodes?
<mavhc> ftp.amazon.com
<phanty> ftp.fox.com is faster
<ErrectoR> I don't think those two ftp's are working..
<ErrectoR> what's the l/p?
<QueenB> moron/total
<ErrectoR> nope..still not working queenb
<ErrectoR> you fucking assholes..
* ErrectoR has left #futuramavcd

#106578 +(426)- [X]

(+kevin) GOD DAMNIT. WHY DO I HAVE A HABIT OF TOUCHING MY PENIS WHILE I'M SITTING IN A COMPUTER CHAIR?!?!

#117305 +(568)- [X]

<Legion> touching yourself leeds to blindness
<beej> heh, and spellin problems, apparently
<beej> ...omfg

#161847 +(720)- [X]

<Cherky> god school sucks
<Cherky> well what i mean by that is "God, school sucks." not "God school,  sucks"
<Cherky> god school would be pretty cool
<Cherky> get to learn how to create planets and stuff
<Cherky> and smite people

#162490 +(638)- [X]

<Trivvie> Name That Dinosaur: __________ ?
<Trivvie> 1st Hint: ****************** ********** Question Value : 5 Points
<Trivvie> 3rd Hint: Lan*a**ia**o*au*u* *a**ue**i* 15.0 secs & 1 Points Remaining
<Trivvie> Times up! The answer was -> Lancanjiangosaurus Cachuensis

#238361 +(192)- [X]

<RealaNightmaren> that fucker is linking to our files
<RealaNightmaren> AGAIN
<dosdemon> reala who hosts sonic cult
<RealaNightmaren> dos: a friend of mine
<Sushi-D> reala... you should make one of those scripts..
<dosdemon> ah
<RealaNightmaren> i used to have one
<RealaNightmaren> i replaced it with htaccess
<RealaNightmaren> which unfortunatly doesn't cover the subdomains
<Sushi-D> that bites the bullet...
<Sushi-D> so....how are youe gonna correct this problem...
<RealaNightmaren> easy
<RealaNightmaren> I'll replace it with porn

#423445 +(965)- [X]

<Reliken> AIM is like the ugly chick who gives SUCH good head, and works sooooooo well. MSN is like the typical hot blonde. Gorgeous, but you can't communicate with her. Yahoo! is the creepy guy whacking off in the corner that no one likes, and Trillian is the average looking bisexual male.

#595485 +(1562)- [X]

<+Kamasutra> i had a dream that the RIAA busted into the shower cause i was singing too loud

#658474 +(163)- [X]

<Warbum> lime wire for mac
<Warbum> and people said mac had no viruses

#670925 +(1034)- [X]

<Lapsus> Okay, I get an error beep, anyone want to help me decipher it?
<Lapsus> it's just regular, long beeps.
<Lapsus> beeeeeeep. beeeeeeeep...
<Fox> its gaydar. it must be picking up on a local source

#746655 +(1172)- [X]

<StrangelyUnoriginal>So I was at Walmart, being the financial transaction overlord of register 21.
Rite, and this kid walks up, I ring up his items and he says, "So I heard you like mudkips?" so I acted all confused like he expected me to andhe had a little faggoty giggle then he asked me what his total was and I said, "Your total, IT'S OVER NINE THOUSSSSSSAAAAND!" and my manager was like, "lol wtf?" then I grabbed the pricing scanner and crushed it in my hand.

#868657 +(1966)- [X]

<Megistos> I once gave someone what amounted to a virus over IRC
<Megistos> it was a mIRC script that allowed us to remotely execute mIRC commands
<Megistos> what a fool
<Megistos> At first we just made him say stuff in channels
<Megistos> then we realised mIRC could talk to the whole system with /run
<Megistos> hence this immortal line
<Shiyiya> Heh
<Megistos> <lbal> wtf, i come back from css to find 63 calculators open
<Shiyiya> lmao

#950944 +(742)- [X]

<Toba> i like my coffee like i like my women: earthy, french, and on my desk at work
<nightshroud> But be careful or you may end up with burning pain on your lap area.

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