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#432 +(337)- [X]

<VicViper> if i get high speed access i can warez
<VicViper> They need to have ISP's that offer CDR's with signup.

#436 +(657)- [X]

<HomerJ> I had this computer built for this guy, all ready to go...so I walk to where my mom took my car, and when I get back, out cat sneezed on the board and fried it

#439 +(283)- [X]

<Lyre-work> <-- soon to be my perm nick =(

#544 +(723)- [X]

*** WindDrake has quit IRC (well, LadyDrake awaits. «~{Polaris IRC}~» v2.03 Alpha)
<|Ender|> ohh look Winds gonna go masturbate
<smcn> yeh, ladydrake is a weirdass name for a penis

#1158 +(355)- [X]

<maff> 84 of 127 emails...
<|Chris> god damn
<|Chris> aren't you popular
<maff> spamular

#2993 +(154)- [X]

<michael-> Of the city's 11,500 firefighters, 2.7 percent are black and 3.2 percent Hispanic
<michael-> reeediculous
<maff> that's because their darker skin color attracts the heat

#4044 +(275)- [X]

<[Shinji]> Statitics say that 85% of College men mastrubate at least once per day.   Hmmm... I'm about due....  I'll be back in 10..

#8343 +(327)- [X]

Valvados (~Draco@ is now known as Valv|Nekkid
<Valv|Nekkid> My roommate is giving me the strangest look.

#14103 +(1121)- [X]

<xxx> I think I'm having some problems with my sexlife...
<phunqe> oh? :/
<xxx> Yeah, yesterday my girlfriend and I wanted to have sex, but I had a... hmm.. well you know.. problem..
<phunqe> Ah, no ping reply?

#14399 +(221)- [X]

<radii> i'm unRARing, listening to an MP3, AOLing, useing FlashFXP, Serv-U, AIM, mIRC and going to that wepage
<baloo_> aoling = molesting 13 year-old girls online?
<pagan> baloo: no it means your messaging them to come over and get molested
<radii> yeah, duh!

#16758 +(691)- [X]

{Plag} i liked women at 13
{Plag} even 11
{Pest} i liked woman since third grade
{Beat-Boy} ive liked men since i saw your sister

#17966 +(104)- [X]

<ALT--F4> im a irc nerd
<ALT--F4> i have spend up to 14 hours on here at a time
<ALT--F4> its my favorite thing until i remember that i have a penis.
<Majin-Buu> k you are weird
<Majin-Buu> ill have to take ur nick into consideration
Parts: Majin-Buu (none@h24-66-113-73.tb.shawcable.net) [21 users]

#22245 +(399)- [X]

<some_big_boobs> YOU'RE GAY
<some_big_boobs> YOU'RE GAY
<some_big_boobs> YOU'RE GAY
<Quintus> let me get this straight
<some_big_boobs> YOU'RE GAY
<some_big_boobs> YOU'RE GAY
<some_big_boobs> YOU'RE GAY
<Quintus> if i understand you correctly
<some_big_boobs> YOU'RE GAY
<some_big_boobs> YOU'RE GAY
<some_big_boobs> YOU'RE GAY
<Quintus> two words, two syllables, sounds like..

#23007 +(230)- [X]

<T-Girth> that girl kept me up all night long <G>
<T-Girth> of course it was just cuz she wouldn't shut her trap while i was tryin to sleep

#36875 +(263)- [X]

<Hiro> I go to get a nectarine to eat
<Hiro> I discover all twelve have melted and merged together into a large fluffy animal
<Hiro> It tried to eat me! <=O

#37910 +(422)- [X]

<Mr_E> A) I gotfor about your B and B) I forgot about your A
<Mr_E> gotfor?!
<Mr_E> my brain is rebelling against me

#39311 +(326)- [X]

<Shell Gh0st> a spell checker?

#41757 +(45)- [X]

<Arno> damn 23 meg avi
<Arno> and it's not even pr0n
<ANSi5> then why waste your time? :P

#43474 +(219)- [X]

<Firemoth> Anyone know how long a male bird will usually go out looking for food?
<milenko> Firemoth: spose it depends on what bird
<Firemoth> Plover.
<Firemoth> We've got a female bird here with 4 babies, the dad's been gone all day and hasn't come back yet.
<milenko> Firemoth: get the female to apply for social security

#46421 +(661)- [X]

<gbp> er det noen som har Silence Of The Lambs
<dortch> i have silence of the lambs
<dortch> but i dont know what the fuck you just said

#49889 +(1099)- [X]

<Zang> How old is Sky?
<Cyril> 25 i think
<Cyril> he just gained a level
<Cyril> er year

#51199 +(391)- [X]

<+WAREZmunkey> owwww shit
<+WAREZmunkey> i just managed to put a staple into my tongue
<+WAREZmunkey> teach me to chew on it i suppose
<graeme> I cannot even begin to imagine the sequence of steps that caused to to accidentally staple your tongue.
<+WAREZmunkey> ok i will rephrase it
<+WAREZmunkey> i just stupidly put a staple into my tongue
<Lithium> LOL

#56828 +(234)- [X]

<Jarp> No porn break. i actually have no more porn on this computer
<Jarp> just the other day, i moved all 8,000ish pictures to the other computer and organized 'em
<Sisgmund> lordy!
<Sisgmund> how much space does that take up?
<Jarp> about 600mb
<Sisgmund> crimminy
<Jarp> i forget exactly how many
<shavenwookiee> wow
<Jarp> Hrm. I don't have a very broad colllection. that 8,000 is of maybe 20 girls.
<Jarp> don't have any particular favorite.
<shavenwookiee> 20 girls.. 400 poses each??
<Jarp> hrm
<Jarp> more of some
<Jarp> less of others
<shavenwookiee> so THAT's how you get your porn movies on dialup.
<screevo> ???
<shavenwookiee> you print up a set of one girl, staple them together, and flip the pages :D
<Jarp> it's like a movie, one frame at a time!

#62476 +(672)- [X]

<bhlaab> I want to learn sexual education via the internet! I know what to do! I'll search for "sex" in google! It will be an educational journey of science.
<bhlaab> 202,000,000 entries found! I will learn a lot!!

#72070 +(359)- [X]

<Lincoln`s_Wax> Liberal Arts Quantum Physics: Light's damned fast and not everything is as it seems. Space is funny like that. The end.

#75191 +(458)- [X]

*** evil_ (~evil@pc1-with2-6-cust37.mant.cable.ntl.com) quit (Ping timeout)
<@quasirob> all these centuries, we never knew - evil can be defeated by a ping timeout

#75941 +(321)- [X]

Shark: there was one kinda funny bit in unreal2
Shark: i was waiting around in this defence bit.. and i was pickin my nose
Shark: and suddenly one of my guys yells BOGIES!! BOGIES!!!
Shark: i was like haha omg? ..oh he means incomming enemy :|

#81878 +(12)- [X]

<Pyros> a little girl sees her mum standing in the shower, she points at her boobies and asks "what's that mum" to which her mum replied "these are breasts", then the girl asks "when will i get those", to which her mum replied "when you're older. Later she sees her dad in the shower, she points to his penis and asks "what's that daddy?" to which he replies "it's a penis". She asks "when will i get one of those", the reply is "when your mother leaves for work".

#86009 +(369)- [X]

<morn> I'm gonna be a pimp, yo! It'll be off da hizzle fashizzle, knowwhatimsayin'?
<Gabe> It's sad when white people try to talk like black inner city people. It's doubly sad when those white people are European. :P
<morn> Now, don't be hatin'!

#98432 +(1155)- [X]

<WrmSlayer> The AI in the matrix got it all wrong
<WrmSlayer> they should have just used cows instead of humans
<WrmSlayer> no chance of rebelion
<Reverend> yeah
<Reverend> stupid AI
<WrmSlayer> and the mootrix would have just been a big sunny infinite field of grass

#103244 +(355)- [X]

<Judith> if you were trying to market condoms, what would you try to use for a slogan?
<Redeemer> "Wear the fuck out of us."

#116082 +(105)- [X]

< Mennonite> hey docfu
< Mennonite> I had a mindblowing last four days
< Mennonite> did you?
< docfu> Menno well, i had  a headblowing in there too
< docfu> to the point where I started to lose oxygen to my brain and become eurphoric...
< TenBaseT> docfu: when that happens it's time to loosen the belt.

#121175 +(416)- [X]

<jvalenzu> dude
<jvalenzu> can you imagine a rice field working game?
<jvalenzu> that would rock
<jvalenzu> SimGrain
<jvalenzu> SimGrain: Wild Rice Expansion Pack

#121592 +(117)- [X]

<@jeric> If i cloned myself, changed the y chromosome to an x chromosome, and then had sex with her, would it be masturbation, or incest?

#122456 +(36)- [X]

* Kranium has quit IRC (I'mmm Sailing away.......Set an open course for the virgin sea..... Cause i've got to be freeee, free to face the life t)
<Luigi30> Wait, I'm bored, I get to be the captain.

#136534 +(5096)- [X]

<Raven> Come, boy wonder! We shall rid the world of crime!
<monkeymilk> yes! together we will thwart evil-doers and criminals alike!
<Raven> To the batcave!
<monkeymilk> wait, my download just finished
<monkeymilk> 20 minutes of gun point rape
<monkeymilk> or so the description says
* monkeymilk is away - away
<Raven> ...Maybe he's trying to think up ways to save the girl. =/
<Robocop> he never said girl, could be two guys
<Raven> ...
<Raven> So, Robocop, are you prepared to clense the world of evil in the name of justice, as my trusty sidekick?
<Robocop> no i'm busy trying to find a good site for making a pipe-bomb
* Raven is starting to think IRC isn't the best place to start his superhero campaign.

#178668 +(1072)- [X]

<pr00f> Tendency's chatroom inaction
<pr00f> is due to a pleasant distraction.
<pr00f> she finds it quite grand
<pr00f> to type with one hand,
<pr00f> in search of her own satisfaction!

#205825 +(697)- [X]

* Quits: Serge (Connection reset by peer)
* Joins: Abe
<Locke|Away> Have you considred sacrificing a pig to appease the evil spirits plaguing your internet connection, Serge?  Western medicine seems to have failed you.
<Abe> well, right now it all comes down to the network engineer's bad back. if he hadn't hurt his back, he would have fixed it by now; as it is, he's off until monday
<Locke|Away> Well, have you considered sacrificing a pig for his back?  An evil dab may have followed him home from work.  It might be eating his marrow.
<Locke|Away> Look, I'm hungry and I want some fucking bacon.  Just kill a pig already.

#242402 +(2439)- [X]

DinjackPD: there was this once, like three years ago, I forgot this big project I had to turn in when I went to school
DinjackPD: so I called home to my dad (he works out of a home office) and asked him to bring it for me
DinjackPD: so he came to school with it and he came up to me and shook my hand and said "Hi there, I'm David, I'm your personal secretary."
DinjackPD: And I said "Hi there, I'm your son, you signed on for this shit when you didn't wear a condom."
DinjackPD: I thought it was funnier than he did

#287945 +(-322)- [X]

<ds91> <3
<ds91> <#
<ds91> <3
<ds91> <#

#308207 +(253)- [X]

<jrk> who the fuck would pretend to be a lawyer?
<jrk> i want to pretend to be a porn star.
<Ipsa> hey a lawyer fucks more people than a pornstar ever will :)
<Ipsa> I fuck people all day
<jrk> true.  but you're the ron jeremy of law.
<jrk> not everyone has your prowess.

#395661 +(290)- [X]

<Sheena> me = ho
<Sheena> t
<Sheena> OMg...worse typo ever

#475930 +(1275)- [X]

The Great Ookami: you mad with me pup?
Kyouto Hasuki: i dont think so
Kyouto Hasuki: lemme check my log

#539936 +(-330)- [X]

<darkstar> 78/m/bedridden
<darkstar> ball men
<darkstar> swgtlm seeks non-human dick slave to swab bedsores and eat poo
<d00rmaus> I only do sbgtlm
<d00rmaus> sorry
<darkstar> so you only dig single black gay transgendered lesbian males
<darkstar> sorry we didn't match on e harmony
<d00rmaus> no category #22 failed
<d00rmaus> although we got 100% on #23, do you eat dick.
<d00rmaus> too much data, kernel panic
<darkstar> libdickslurping.so was not loaded at boot

#564059 +(334)- [X]

<Mivalekan> the next generation of games will feature not consoles
<Mivalekan> but the games only which will only be tiny capsules
<Mivalekan> with which you insert into your anus and the game plays in your brain
<Nosnam> So basically, the next generation of games will be an LSD suppository?

#630243 +(952)- [X]

<meeb> what the fuck
<meeb> highly religious client just rang up
<meeb> wants us to automatically take their website down at sunset on a friday until sunrise on a monday
<meeb> as using an online shop is bad and evil over the sabbath

#652858 +(335)- [X]

<Forcepath> i need advice!
<Forcepath> on second thought: asking for advice in IRC is one of the classic movie blunders...

#670471 +(59)- [X]

<loo> every fucking bj should be two-handed
<mit3> actually it pretty much depends.
<mit3> like what if you ask the girl to choke herself.
<mit3> you gotta pick your poison

#739009 +(-58)- [X]

<NightShade> you know what a vampire puts in his hot water to make tea?
<NightShade> a used tampon

#757049 +(622)- [X]

<Tarnagh> You know why the Clean Air Act was first established?
<Askee> Why
<Tarnagh> So the people in Colorado could see the mountains
<Tarnagh> and so people in California could see each other

0.0561 21085 quotes approved; 509 quotes pending
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