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#92 +(1980)- [X]

<Xavier> if it has 'teen' in the channel name, the collective iq of the group can automatically be assumed to be a negative value

#463 +(865)- [X]

"The cheek of every American must tingle with shame as he reads the silly,
flat, and dishwatery utterances of the man who has to be pointed out to
intelligent foreigners as the President of the United States."
   The Chicago Times review of After Lincoln's Gettysburg Address.

#519 +(1747)- [X]

<smcn> one of these days
<smcn> i'm going to hunt down and kill whoever invented emoticons
<smcn> then i'm going to look at him and go >=D

#1456 +(172)- [X]

<shaft> i want some imac bed sheets.

#3145 +(334)- [X]

* FlipTopBox eats Dicks
<FlipTopBox> capitalization is very important sometimes

#4869 +(80)- [X]

<l0wkey> im getting hemorrhoids
<l0wkey> from sitting on my butt all day ircing
<l0wkey> i should sue Khaled

#7718 +(779)- [X]

<[-tOrn-]> And then today at work I almost cracked up
<[-tOrn-]> "Hey what are the system requirements on this?"
<[-tOrn-]> "Uh, sir..that's a book."

#9112 +(721)- [X]

<ManC0W> Mikado : Mitsukake is an ass pirate
<Mikado`> ManC0W: I believe so, yes.
<Mikado`> ManC0W: can he see this?
<Mikado`> ManC0W: if we prefix our sentences with our intended targets, the others can't see it, right?
<ManC0W> Mikado : I think so Brain...
<Mikado`> ManC0W: Cuz I'd really hate for Mitsukake to know how gay I think he is
<Mitsukake> Why is this room so dead all of a sudden?
<Mikado`> LOL
<Mitsukake> What?
<Mitsukake> What's so funny?

#11251 +(185)- [X]

<Zombie> will you beat up Red Sky for me?
<Ryco> no =P
<Zombie> He almost cost me my JOB
<kesu-cho> what did RS do
<kesu-cho> that almost cost you your job?
<Zombie> He told my Boss I wanted to have sex with him

#11839 +(369)- [X]

<cyxxwirc> Soui's ass is able to compile C
<cyxxwirc> that is pretty godly
<rogueWRC> not when he core dumps

#14453 +(391)- [X]

<griffin> im disappointed in my mom
<pagan> me too
<pagan> she did a bad job

#16997 +(130)- [X]

<Whooey> females jeans pockets are TINY
<Natasha> yes, they are
<amit> Whooey: females have a big flesh pocket to compensate

#17887 +(927)- [X]

<ShowHour> Any hot girls with a cam free for chat?
<Hot^Gay_Male> yes
<Hot^Gay_Male> msg me

#20351 +(323)- [X]

<wo1fwork> maybe if you got a giant pole made of the strongest thing in the universe
<wo1fwork> and attached one end to the moon and one to the earth
<wo1fwork> you could fuck shit up, or break the pole
<NOCKY2K> maybe if everyone peed in the atlantic ocean at once jesus would come back and tell us to not be so naughty

#21025 +(997)- [X]

<Storm> ok, when my mom's friend was like 6, she was out waiting for the bus, also happened to be garbage pick-up day
<Storm> so anyways little kid is waiting for the bus, and her dog comes running out her house to see her, well...unfortunate timing placed the dog right in the street as the garbage truck was arriving
<Storm> so *BAM!* street pizza
<Storm> but then...the garbage man gets outta the truck....sees the dead dog...and just tosses it in the back of the truck, right infront of all the kids at the bus stop

#23596 +(88)- [X]

<OutBreak^Monkey> just use my excuse, men built dishwashers so they didnt have to do the dishes.
<OutBreak^Monkey> women should learn from mens wisdom
<OutBreak^Monkey> buy the man a fucking dishwasher or do em yourself
<JT> heh
<^yob> hehe
<`2L_CodeMonkey> no, men built dishwasers cause the divorce rate increased and there wasn't wives to do the dishes for everyone

#35483 +(360)- [X]

<nzc> mmmmm
<nzc> Speak n Spall.
<nzc> (i never owned one, by the way.)
<drwiii> obviously not.

#36611 +(527)- [X]

<dolbe> blll you really are such a loser
<blll> dolbe, that's like a quadrapelegic telling me I walk funny

#36648 +(394)- [X]

#36784 +(90)- [X]

<bleepstreet> i have 2 dvd drives showing up in my computer but i only have 1
<bleepstreet> how do i delete one of them?
<NE|Strand`WAGr> maybe it had babys?
<bleepstreet> then how do i abort teh baby?
<eyesore> coat hanger and draino

#40856 +(194)- [X]

*** NormDragon has quit IRC (Quit: c:\dos c:\dos\run run\dos\run)

#52857 +(132)- [X]

<@Shadur> MeLearnin: Go away and die.
* MeLearnin :(
<@Shadur> s/MeLearnin/Meaz
< MeLearnin> s/:(/:)/g

#62310 +(678)- [X]

<xanex> xmms manages to skip about 90 songs in my playlist and keep playing the same 5 over and over
<xanex> its a new feature, they call it 'MTV mode'

#71890 +(378)- [X]

<Trax> Raider are you on LSD?
<Raider> ehh, no Im on DSL

#77056 +(155)- [X]

memories keep: I don't want to wait until marriage. But i don't want a dick to take my vriginity.

#77443 +(248)- [X]

samov : Is there a linux program that will end my depression?
boolean : samov: kill

#80925 +(382)- [X]

DeusXMac: the president isn't showing his face to the public.... cuz he's sitting in the oval office with the military's top brass playing network Command & Conquer
AceT: he's not playing network C&C, he's doing the single player campaign

#88786 +(590)- [X]

<Lenz> Oh man...
<Lenz> my mom just asked me to rewind the dvd for her

#106768 +(147)- [X]

< GrandTheft> What would be an example of an iptables rule that would allow anything and everything to come into the computer?
< tewmten> ehm.. iptables -f perhaps?
< GrandTheft> hmm let me try that
| GrandTheft [Grand@] quit #slackware [Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer)]

#116361 +(383)- [X]

<ecoli> i remember the girl who lived next to mea
<ecoli> and we saw pictures in my dad's uh. magazines.
<ecoli> i think that was also her first golden shower experience, heh.   at that age, i figured that was the only liquid that came out of there.

#145562 +(310)- [X]

<RageFury|Work> Like just 2 days ago I casually dropped some Jalapeno into the can of Alpo Cat food I set out for the kitten.
<RageFury|Work> Freaking bastard tried to claw my pants.

#187938 +(1215)- [X]

<Fina> After American Idol, they came out with The Sims : Superstar
<Fina> After this Harry Potter crap got popular, they came out with Makin' Magic
<Fina> lol What if next year we get a bunch of WW2 movies?
<Fina> The Sims : Hailin' Hitler

#212321 +(851)- [X]

<AlmightyBob> I built a tesla coil for electronics in high school. It worked once. It's entire construction connsumated in one arc of electricity to to my lab partners left ass cheek.

#238059 +(677)- [X]

<LZ> when I was like 8
<LZ> I was trying to make this fanfic
<LZ> where Mario met his twin sister Maria
<Elmoogle> And they sexx0red?
<LZ> I was 8 ;_;
<LZ> Yes
<LZ> They did

#238989 +(562)- [X]

<korosu> I can't believe I just took a shit in my bathing suit at the beach. What the fuck? I cant stand up and take it to the ocean, because I am wading in a puddle of feces at this very moment. Any change in my seating position will send my poo spilling down my legs and into view of every sunbather within 30 feet of me. There is no way I can play this off as a fart.
<korosu> It doesn't help at all that I've been spun out for 3 days. I can hardly see straight! How am I possibly going to explain this to my wife when she comes back from getting chili dogs to ask me what the fuck I just did in the presence of my children? She'll make me drop trau in front of everyone again. There it is. The family on the blanket to the right of me just asked if I could smell "that". I gotta go.

#277759 +(1723)- [X]

#280579 +(554)- [X]

<SwiftWrk> so... warcraft 3 in like 2 hours?
<fugimax> so...
<fugimax> my balls in yo' mouth in like 3 hours?
<LockeCole> erm...if I'm available sure
<LockeCole> damn

#295538 +(693)- [X]

<snack`brb> You read about that guy on BBC that got 6 nails stuck in him?
<Crips> yea, mustve been a quake 1 addict suffering withdrawal...i bet he had like 1hp left
<Crips> if it was a super nailgun hed be dead

#356183 +(824)- [X]

<GWH> funny when you and your girlfriend are fighting over aim
<GWH> and then you realize you dont have to sit there till she answers, you can do other shit too

#373286 +(1324)- [X]

KaresMexxDWNxx: last night me and tawny were in a car.
KaresMexxDWNxx: she was in the backseat reading a magazine.
KaresMexxDWNxx: and i was infront trying to get some rest.
KaresMexxDWNxx: A cop comes by and ask me how old I am.
KaresMexxDWNxx: i told him that i was 23.
KaresMexxDWNxx: then he asked me how old tawny was.
KaresMexxDWNxx: i told him that she turns 18 in 11 minutes.

#431907 +(904)- [X]

<h0ward> it began with the forging of the great servers
<h0ward> three were given to the geeks, immortal, wisest, and fairest of all beings
<h0ward> seven to teh jock-lords, great football players and craftsmen of the locker halls
<h0ward> and nine, nine servers were given to the race of men whom above all else desired PRON
<h0ward> within the servers was a power that could govern each class
<h0ward> but they were all of them deceived
<h0ward> for another server was made
<h0ward> stile, the deceiver, forged in secret a master server to control all others
<h0ward> one server to rule them all
<h0ward> one by one the people of the servers fell to the great power of the master server
<h0ward> but there were some
<h0ward> who resisted
<h0ward> a great alliance of geeks and jocks marched against the fanboys of stile
<h0ward> and on the slopes of blogwars
<h0ward> they fought for the freedom of good, and only good pron
<h0ward> AAAHHH
<h0ward> victory was near
<h0ward> but the master server could not be stopped
<h0ward> the dark lord stile killed brunot son of brunob
<h0ward> and as luck should so have it
<h0ward> brunob cut the wiring of the master server
<h0ward> stile the enemy of good, decent pron of the earth
<h0ward> was wanked out of existence

#449033 +(175)- [X]

<nubber> so my choices are a diseased crack whore (IE), a ball-busting advertising exec (opera), a 400-pound hairy woman (mozilla), and a needy money grubbing model (firefox)...

#520042 +(984)- [X]

<stargazr> yeah, the only reason i have a tv is cause i won it in a book reading contest

#629240 +(781)- [X]

<Varka> cds are made of pikachu skins
<Orcinus> is that why they turn to lightning in the microwave? :D
<Varka> Yes.

#635674 +(181)- [X]

aaront: :-P
aaront: Whatever ya say
xxkuku4purplexx: dont stick ur tongue out at me, are u like 2 or something?
aaront: you take emotiocons way too seriously <3
xxkuku4purplexx: ewwwww
xxkuku4purplexx: gross

#655775 +(421)- [X]

<codyryan> because men, have problem controlling their testosterone
<Skiz> not me I'm a pretty good shot.

#669982 +(1206)- [X]

<Awaken> this is pissing me off
<Awaken> i have some windows updates that just HAVE to restart my fucking computer
<{RANT}> :(
* MaxPower (M4dMaX@ool-182f05ac.dyn.optonline.net) Quit (hub.efnet.us ircd.he.net)
* {Bitch} (~yeah@cpe-069-134-207-100.nc.res.rr.com) Quit (hub.efnet.us ircd.he.net)
* aliensoup (~aliensoup@heimdal.complx.net) Quit (hub.efnet.us ircd.he.net)
* Jing|es (Jingles@cpe-24-167-108-167.satx.res.rr.com) Quit (hub.efnet.us ircd.he.net)
* Ladywork (victoria.r@host86-140-223-138.range86-140.btcentralplus.com) Quit (hub.efnet.us ircd.he.net)
* TostigAFK (~Tostig@ip68-8-64-254.sd.sd.cox.net) Quit (hub.efnet.us ircd.he.net)
<Mr_Power> his computer is the EFnet server?

#707531 +(363)- [X]

<Thunder> I seriously gotta upgrade my computer, I'm scared that my comp will blow up if I click the wrong tile in minesweeper D:

#809237 +(782)- [X]

<~Kiramon> no i just need random fake gaelic words
<&Ondore|Away> Allium sativum L.
<&Ondore|Away> No, wait.
<&Ondore|Away> That's garlic.

#865032 +(4241)- [X]

<omega> i like star trek because it's actually pretty realistic.  the technology is fiction, but it follows real physics
<Kuiper> In Star Trek, whenever there are torpedoes or phaser fire hitting a ship, you can hear the explosions even though they're in space.  How is that "real physics?"
<omega> in space, explosions are actually louder
<omega> because there is no air to get in the way
<omega> dumbass

0.0320 20961 quotes approved; 4495 quotes pending
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