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#204 +(849)- [X]

(|Chris) i felt boobies tonight!
(McMoo) did they belong to a womang?

#284 +(52)- [X]

<ikkenai> what does sex in a boat and american beer have in common
<ikkenai> they're both fucking close to water

#1590 +(1014)- [X]

<Camo> wiz
<Camo> have you ever gotten something taken away from you by the principal in middle school?
<Wizkid`> yes, my virginity

#2129 +(337)- [X]

<CoMBo> haha dude is oktane fucking ?
<refugee> CoMBo: no, he's just trying to fix that girl's back

#3218 +(489)- [X]

<Richie> i kinda sent him the strange link to gay porn
<duckman> so he sent you here?
<Richie> revenge is strange sometimes
<Joshua> well... i guess we know what we have to do...
* Joshua takes off his pants

#3249 +(1047)- [X]

BogoMips: trying to figure out why my scanner isn't installed
BogoMips: i wonder how i even manage to feed myself sometimes

#7108 +(206)- [X]

(goosedaemon) someone define "talking out of [a] ass"
(Leper_Mess) goose; you know.. get a donkey, and speak without moving your lips so it looks like the donkey's talking.

#8320 +(1272)- [X]


#9111 +(504)- [X]

<ChuffyCow> pr0n heals all wounds
<ChuffyCow> except cuts on the penis.

#13254 +(140)- [X]

<Arno> i got kicked off a cray at school for running "pine"

#14572 +(191)- [X]

<hewbert> goths have been progressivly wearing less clothing as the years have gone by
<hewbert> how shamless!
<hewbert> they should be progressivly wearing more and MORE clothing
<hewbert> until they are bundled up with 200 pound parkas
<Unfy> they would have names like goth_eskimo_69
<hewbert> you could save on facepaint by using snow

#15024 +(338)- [X]

<river> actually...i don't think there are many levels of monogamy
<river> it's a boolean thing

#17388 +(540)- [X]

<TheBusDriver> the ping from me to the end of my penis is like 3 minutes

#24933 +(242)- [X]

<irq> what acronym is posv?
> Pirates of Silicon Valley.
<irq> ah yes
> And it sucks, because I actually had a decent tape.
> Then I loaned it to a co-worker, whose wife interpreted "silicon" as "silicone," got the wrong idea, and threw it out.

#26984 +(135)- [X]

<Drugdown> Everyone makes mistakes.
<Fleebis> Especially you.

#32493 +(198)- [X]

kydruid: actually Laura Bush is working undercover for the DEA... every gram she snorts is another off the street.

#46150 +(14)- [X]

<Jugsy> I've gotta read the "bible" in exchange for intraweb time

#55593 +(-26)- [X]

<IAmKingBrad> you know, having an opera singer rape you is much like eating a biscuit, except with eating a biscuit you do not have a cock in your ass unless you live at my uncle's house and am my cousin HAHA

#56053 +(2)- [X]

<Terra-ist> i need roms
* Terra-ist wants a good rom site
<Terra-ist> just gimme a good rom site and ill shut up >=[
<lea_notwriting> Ever tried Google?
<lea_notwriting> I heard it has GREAT roms.

#56790 +(137)- [X]

<St_Zartan> all my scenes were deleted from "8 mile"
<St_Zartan> apparently training for the paralympics isn't "street" enough for them, the bastards

#58852 +(233)- [X]

<Donut[4]> DEFRAG TIME
<_ry0suke_> deFAG
* Donut has joined #walktheplank
<Donut> HEY WAIT
<Donut> F U =(
* Donut has quit IRC (Quit: )
<_ry0suke_> :(

#59612 +(576)- [X]

<blitz> i'm allergic to alcohol
<blitz> I drink a 12 pack and I break out in hand-cuffs

#62238 +(28)- [X]

<creepyfufu> what the fuck
<creepyfufu> university of texas is 50% female 49% male
<Ironchef> omfg
<Ironchef> whats the other
<[emoninja]ant> black
<[emoninja]ant> >:D

#66783 +(380)- [X]

<DesPlesda> Dammit, I got turned down for a blind date with the excuse "I think we should see other people".
<Hugh> Yikes.
<DesPlesda> Somehow she picked up on my geekness from just my voice. Scary.
<DesPlesda> Maybe I shoudln't have started with 5 minutes of heavy breathing.

#72967 +(357)- [X]

<Twingy> but I don't see the reason for sending so many troops over when they can do it autonomously
<DooD> because
<DooD> the troops are bored
<DooD> we gotta let them out to rape a third world country every once in a while
<Twingy> seriously, I'm beginning to think so
<skymoosUK> sick DooD
<DooD> i meant rape in a figurative drop-bombs-on-your-ass-and-piss-on-your-corpse sense.
<skymoosUK> oh, thats okay then, i thought you meant sexual and stuff

#75480 +(164)- [X]

<@IchI> jfk assassination was tight
<@IchI> dallas
<@dam1en> im watching it over and over
<@IchI> they owned him
<@emo> headshot!

#80903 +(220)- [X]

<grap3|saturn_music_files> whats a good big hentai site?
<Ryoga> grap3, Japan

#81801 +(151)- [X]

<Black_Raven> how can u tell if pretzels r stale?
<Kreskin> how?
<Black_Raven> i dont know why do u think i am asking?

#81970 +(-178)- [X]

<Spider|shower> Okay, you and Holodoc got +amogv.
<HoloDoc> can I have +aybabtu?
<|NeTTy|-> ?
<The_Morph> aybabtu == All Your Base Are Belong To Us
<y0ke> All Your Base Are Belonging To Us
<The_Morph> y0ke... you're a f*cknut. You don't even know the most famous classic engrish quote of all times.
<y0ke> hehe what is engrish ?
<The_Morph> ROTFLMAO
* y0ke slaps The_Morph around a bit with a large trout
<The_Morph> www.engrish.com
<y0ke> i thought you typoes english :)
<The_Morph> sorry y0ke, this is going to bash.org :D

#88217 +(912)- [X]

<SomeRandom> Looks like Operation Iraqi Freedom is almost over.
<Diablo1399> Bah, "Operation Iraqi Freedom" is a shit name.
<SomeRandom> Well what would you call it then?
<Diablo1399> Why, "Operation Who's Your Baghdaddy" of course.

#106270 +(207)- [X]

[Windshear]: I'd lose my dick if it wasn't strapped on

#116706 +(526)- [X]

<Dracon> I saw a mormon crash his bike into a power pole
<Dracon> that was grand :D
<html> heHaHehAHehAeh :D
<Dracon> I walked past and said "Not even God saw that one coming... well done tiger!"

#136517 +(1440)- [X]

<Booyaah> There's something making a noise outside my window
<Booyaah> Should I go check out what the heck is making that noise or just leave it alone?
<Booyaah> it's like a low sort of moaning
<Elzie_Ann> :/
<ViewtifulJosh> call the cops, heh
<Frozen-Solid> moaning?
<Booyaah> That's what I'd call it Frozen
<Elzie_Ann> So is this like a "People are having sex outside my window" type of moaning or a "there's an injured cat outside my window" type of moaning
<Frozen-Solid> could only be one thing... promiscuous sex... you could go out and watch if you want
<Booyaah> I'm gonna go with the injured cat thing
<ViewtifulJosh> haha
<Stormrider> It might be an injured cat having sex
<Booyaah> If people are having sex outside my window then it sounds like only one is doing a good job
<Frozen-Solid> hahaha
<Elzie_Ann> hahahaha
<Stormrider> That may be the greatest thing you've ever said, Booyaah
<Booyaah> It's getting louder :|
<Booyaah> ok, I'm gonna go check
<Booyaah> I don't really want to have things like that going on in my yard
<Elzie_Ann> Haha.
<Elzie_Ann> I don't have any other ideas
<Booyaah> I'm thinking there's a good chance it was a kitty
<Frozen-Solid> or carl's idea...
<Elzie_Ann> That's what I would think
<Elzie_Ann> Some kind of cat
<Booyaah> but my cat would notice...
<Booyaah> My cat = me
<Booyaah> It just lays around doing nothing
<Booyaah> you know if people were doing it outside my window
<Frozen-Solid> you'd have a camera Booyaah?
<Booyaah> Frozen, you're scaring me
<Booyaah> lol
<Frozen-Solid> heh
<Booyaah> I suppose I could've taped it though
<Elzie_Ann> haha
<Booyaah> lol
<Booyaah> it's starting up again
* Booyaah is away : Outside with flashlight
--- Booyaah is now known as Booyaah-away

** Time Passes **

<Booyaah> People in this town scare me.
<Elzie_Ann> Did you find out what it was, Booyaah?
<Booyaah> sure did
<Elzie_Ann> What was it
<Booyaah> some dude
<Elzie_Ann> o_O
<Frozen-Solid> 0_o
<Booyaah> me: "What the fuck are you doing man?" him: "...nothing" me: "you aren't playing with yourself out here are you?" him: "Maybe" me: "well...I really think you should do that in your own home, not my bushes ok" him: "ok" me: "get the fuck out of here"

#155226 +(368)- [X]

<Scarlet[away]> :/
<Scarlet[away]> im cold :(
<Scarlet[away]> my teeth are chattering lol
<SEXMACHINE> remind me not to ask for a blow job on a cold night
<Scarlet[away]> ROFL

#189209 +(246)- [X]

<aux_> i got gigs like i got ladies
<c0al> ? ur hard drive crashed/
<c0al> ??

#190241 +(1715)- [X]

<Neo-Tokyo> wouldnt you say suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem?
<`[6]> I'm a Buddhist, I'd say suicide is a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

#240765 +(675)- [X]

<cads> hey, do you guys know what kind adhesive electrtical tape uses; my borther put electrical tape on his monitor, and it left a residue when it came off
<cads> so I need to figure out a solven that will get rid of it
<cads> without destroying the screen finish of his (LCD) monitor
<comemirda> cads - what happened?
<cads> he was watching anime
<cads> and he didn't want to look at the subtitles
<cads> so the idjit put a strip of electrical tape on his monitor

#396287 +(445)- [X]

<kennykiller> drombie, you need to up your social skills
<drombie> Clarify
<kennykiller> just because someone says they think youre funny doesnt mean they want to have sex with you :P

#396678 +(1020)- [X]

<freud> once i found a gummybear in my computer
<freud> opened it to change graphic card and BANG an evil red gummybear
<Lars2> how did a gummy bear end up in there?
<freud> no clue
<Deto> gummy bears will do anything to avoid getting eaten

#446814 +(297)- [X]

<FuRiOuS1> how bout a place where u can post something u need, like an answer to a question, or something, anything. this will all be categorized. ppl can post replies
<FuRiOuS1> help eachother
<braindancer> newsgroups?
<braindancer> forums?
<FuRiOuS1> fuck

#540395 +(2325)- [X]

<rick> hey my bro called me up the other day asking for the ops cd key
<rick> so im like, military style? bc its such a pain to understand the letters over the phone
<rick> so hes like "whatever sure"
<rick> so im sitting there for like 10 minutes saying " kit-cat-kit-cat-9 = venus-bounce-bounce-bouce-dog = girl-girl-phone-girl-daddy ..." so thats going on for a while and hes repeating it back to me and im repeating it back to him for like 5 times.
<rick> so finally i hang up the phone and spin around in my chair and my grandpa is standing in the doorway totally dazed, and hes like "i'll never understand you young kids."

#625180 +(1324)- [X]

<Bao> A friend from college is now getting her PhD in biomedical engineering, and she has a pet rat she has to experiment on, and she had to castrate it for her next procedure.
<Bao> Apparently the thing wasn't fully under anaesthesia, and when she was shaving it, it ejaculated on her.
<Bao> And the most horrible thing is that she shrugs it off and is like, "Who'd have thought the first handjob I'd ever give would be to a rat?!"

#647279 +(510)- [X]

creativeembassy: you know what's really, REALLY cool about the dvorak keyboard?
glotigerglo: what
creativeembassy: when you're playing hangman, all you gotta do is hit everysingle key on the home row, and you automatically kick your opponent's ass

#686929 +(717)- [X]

<ArianaK> I want my money back.
<ArianaK> I forgot the name of the tea I'm drinking thats supposed to help your memory

#694931 +(346)- [X]

<Chr1stina> This girl I went to high school with is writing me emails through classmates.com
<Kancer> I reply to those people, "big whoop our parents just happen to bone at the same time and in the same location, it dosen't make you special"
<Alex> I'm pretty sure my high school class wasn't the result of one giant orgy in 1978.
<Kancer> Alex: are you sure? it was the 70s

#713121 +(292)- [X]

poetically kyle:  my gramma's funny...we were driving behind  a short bus and she saw all the helmets and she was like "OH LOOK! HOCKEY PLAYERS!"

#757724 +(2569)- [X]

<CtrlAltDestroy> Here is my impression of Wikipedia.
<CtrlAltDestroy> "There are five fingers on the human hand [citation needed]"

#773519 +(895)- [X]

<Manson> and I think I had a virus
<Manson> something about jewish dating
<GrEmLiN> you got the jew virus?
<Manson> I think so...
<Kirby> lemme guess, it took all your cache?

#806884 +(1748)- [X]

<Geologist[afkr]> knock knock
<thebigmike1983[FARK]> who's there?
<Geologist[afkr]> 9/11
<thebigmike1983[FARK]> 9/11 who?
<Geologist[afkr]> YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET!

#925495 +(-13)- [X]

<dux0r> giving head must be weird as fuck
<moot> lol
<dux0r> cause uve got like
<dux0r> a pee utensil
<dux0r> in ur mouth
<dux0r> like a chunky hotdog
<moot> xD
<dux0r> what a weird thought
<sudo> your penis is like a chunky hotdog?

0.0529 20983 quotes approved; 1198 quotes pending
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