#1351 +(461)- [X]
<slyfox> dude! I typed "lol" with my head!!!
#2907 +(328)- [X]
<Berzerker> you hear about the new game they play at the white house?
<Berzerker> swallow the leader.
#3689 +(628)- [X]
<Valathar> No matter how depressed you are.... there is NOTHING that can't be fixed by titties.
#4618 +(52)- [X]
<Toen[hw]> so when you inherited one and a half x and half a y, you realized "Oooh, that little timmy kid's got a tight ass"
#4877 +(460)- [X]
<cade> zzz, you wanna kill yourself or something?
<zZz-> cade, I've attempted so many times and failed, it's not even funny..
<zZz-> Accually, it is kinda funny.
#5468 +(2450)- [X]
<casmill2> I swear to god i must be the only true optimist left on the planet.
#5643 +(218)- [X]
<anju> hell,not only do i not have brains. . . i have EXTRA BOOBS INSIDE MY HEAD instead
#6797 +(338)- [X]
<drdink> WaL-_-MarT: I used to know how to do an overhead page in your store
<WaL-_-MarT> cool, drdink..
<drdink> actually what you do
<drdink> is you take walmart's employee phone off the pole
<drdink> and go get a portable phone from the electronics department
<drdink> and plug it in to the pole
<drdink> and you can walk around the store
<drdink> and they can't catch you
<drdink> just don't leave, or its stealing
#7136 +(395)- [X]
* Rasputin found a student's share open on the network of 2.35 gigs of PR0n
<Rasputin> plus various movies and other crap
<Neep> Are you going to admin his ass or download it all?
<Rasputin> both, Neep. Both. :)
<Prior_Tuck> yes...but it could be illegal.
<Rasputin> What's illegal? I'm archving for possible er...administrative purposes
#7527 +(315)- [X]
<raelee> I wont take it in the ass until I am married.
#14526 +(1417)- [X]
<oneo|SUMMER> the US has some of the best schools in the nation
#14552 +(561)- [X]
<prick> I hate parents who add letters to their kids' otherwise normal names
<prick> Or change them
<prick> "JESSICKA" "TIPHANIE"
<prick> Do you really think that your child will be unique or sparkling because of the confusion associatedwith their name?
<prick> All you're doing is setting her up for a lifetime of spelling out her name to strangers
#15579 +(244)- [X]
<enJoy> just the other day
<enJoy> I told Chris "So I hear your girl is pregnant"
<enJoy> he goes "Ya and when I find the dude I'm gonna strangle him"
#16511 +(318)- [X]
<noah> no I need a way to come to terms with the fact that I wasted
<noah> my horny years whacking off to porn instead of bagging college
<dr.adam> might i suggest bourbon
#17273 +(366)- [X]
<0dan0> i have peed like 10 minutes in the last 5 minutes
#20056 +(193)- [X]
<followme> I hate
<followme> with a uq
<followme> less then mine
#22240 +(190)- [X]
<TMT> I have my gf keep me warm in the winter. ^_^
<Y|yukichigai> Sigh.... all I have are cats
<prophecy> all I have is a tiger blanket -.-
<TMT> crazy cat person! Run!
<prophecy> truth be told, I am a furry. *hides, expecting to be lynched*
<Y|yukichigai> I'm a furry too. It's just that most people don't find it attractive when you keep getting your velcro watchband caught on your ass
#22856 +(292)- [X]
(Gr0wleh) I just hit myself
(Gr0wleh) in the balls
(Gr0wleh) brb while I wince in pain
(Gr0wleh) this... hurts
(Gr0wleh) had my hands on top of my head
(Gr0wleh) and they slipped off
#34131 +(66)- [X]
<PkLvsKimZ> I was never a slave
<PkLvsKimZ> but I still celebrate Martin Luther King day
#36265 +(385)- [X]
<cherno> midori will pay,
<cherno> somehow, i will find his family,
<cherno> and make hamburgers out of them
<cherno> and make him eat them!
<cherno> and then i will say
<cherno> "midori, would you like some more of your mother?, i mean beef"
<cherno> but it will really be his mother
#36563 +(149)- [X]
<RichiH> warthawg: define "date"
<RichiH> relatives dount count, btw
<warthawg> hmmm define a date
<warthawg> "a social event with a member of the attractive gender" no close relatives accepted, however second cousins approved after dna sampling
<RichiH> warthawg: so.. what gender IS attractive?
#48028 +(708)- [X]
<JaG> whos taking me out to dinner tonight?
<FairWtns> We could do a group thing.
<FairWtns> <ahem> A group dinner thing.
<FairWtns> <ahem> A group dinner meaning food thing.
<FairWtns> Or we could just say fuck it and see if we could do the group thing.
<JaG> being the only chic in here, im vehemently opposed to the group thing, i dont have that many orifices
<FairWtns> Oh, I don't know, you have enough, I would say.
<JaG> 4 guys, 1 girl
<JaG> NOT enough orifices
<FairWtns> Well, how are we defining 'orifice'
<JaG> its gotta feel good to me too sweetums
<FairWtns> Yeah yeah, "what's in it for me"
<FairWtns> Typical female philosophy.
<JaG> Better than whats in me for it?
#49049 +(35)- [X]
[00:00] * Invi20 is now known as Invi21
#51028 +(300)- [X]
<Spooky42> my uncle took off his shoes and it instantly filled the room with a strong odor of sweatyballs rubbed with parmesan cheese.
<ZippyOne> oh, that's not me then
<Spooky42> its stinks so bad
<Spooky42> i WAS eating.. now im not and cant breathe
<ZippyOne> got some air freshener?
<DarkPhan> <Spooky42> my uncle took off his shoes and it instantly filled the room with a strong odor of sweatyballs rubbed with parmesan cheese. <-- uhm... just how do you know what that smells like?
<Spooky42> lets just say i have an unpopular scratch and sniff book
<Spooky42> and dont ask why i scrathed the 'sweatyballs rubbed with parmesan cheese' sticker.
<ZippyOne> you were tired, and it was next to strawberry
<Spooky42> across the page from runny baby poop
#52661 +(296)- [X]
<+NikitaDk> The problem is that God gave men both a penis and a brain, but only blood enough to control one organ at a time... Robin Williams
<+Challii> ha ha ha ha ha ha
<+Challii> and it gave women too much blood that they had to get rid of a load of it each month
#59086 +(30)- [X]
RetardedCrow: I'm listening to a song called "Back of the bus."
RetardedCrow: Sung by black rappers.
Esotcalag: Oh god....
RetardedCrow: And they yell at us when we call them niggers, wtf?
RetardedCrow: Oh, I'm sorry, 'Niggas.'
RetardedCrow: Fucking crackas.
Esotcalag: I find it ironic that despite the issue that was during the sixties, most black kids always seems to flock to the back of the bus.
RetardedCrow: They still do...
RetardedCrow: I guess habbits are hard to break.
#62310 +(688)- [X]
<xanex> xmms manages to skip about 90 songs in my playlist and keep playing the same 5 over and over
<xanex> its a new feature, they call it 'MTV mode'
#76945 +(854)- [X]
March 4 2003 02:15AM:
<Miro-kun> HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
<Miro-kun> damn lag.
#82217 +(532)- [X]
<supervillain> i just masterbaited so hard my papercut reopened and then I got semen in my papercut.
<[SA]thatdog> i just masturbaited so hard there is semen all over my roommate
<[sa]hack_the> I just masturbated so hard there is semen all over my living room
<[SA]CrazyAchmed> I just masturbated so hard there is semen all over YOUR living room
<[sa]evensevenone> i just masterbated so hard my cock fell off
<[sa]mrpeabody0> i just masturbated so hard my guitar exploded.
<[SA]thatdog> i just masturbaited so hard mrpeabody's cock fell off
<[SA]StupidWhore> i just masturbated
<[sa]evensevenone> stupid: you're behind the curve there tiger
#85892 +(529)- [X]
< HomeBrewR> man, i wish today was friday
<@LucyFerr> it is
< HomeBrewR> cool! do i get 2 more wishes?
<@LucyFerr> only if you rub the lamp
< HomeBrewR> already did that today
#98862 +(216)- [X]
blade|uk: oh no
blade|uk: another AOLer
DONTGIVEU: uh yes
DONTGIVEU: who cares im not a bad aoler
DONTGIVEU: i do good for this room
blade|uk: typical AOLer
blade|uk: it's called a channel
#106431 +(30)- [X]
@jaban> "I'm going to go on the porn and get my e-mail *cough cough* I mean the Internet"
@jaban> I don't know how many times I've made that mistake.
#123660 +(958)- [X]
<punchcard_w0rk> i think i will form a computer addiction recovery group.
<punchcard_w0rk> call it "users no longer enslaved to electronic technology"
<punchcard_w0rk> or UnLeet
#144859 +(228)- [X]
* Ashfield is now known as Atropos
<-yptosis> Isn't Atropos that desease were you wang turns gray and falls off?
<-yptosis> God damnit, so I didn't need to wash it. That lying motherfucker.
#156323 +(674)- [X]
<exodus> When i'm 18, i'm gonna d/l sooo much porn
#192961 +(266)- [X]
<[RIT]Vyper> RIT women are like parking spaces. They're either taken or handicapped.
#294940 +(2147)- [X]
amandahirst2007 : why is it that when you ship something by car it's called shipment and when it's shipped by boat it's called cargo
Vincent_Valentine9 : Cargo is simply a term to describe something held on a ship, plane, truck or train. It has nothing to do with what the cargo is actually used for. The "Shipment" is an item being moved, it got it's name because back in the day, before cars, ships and boats down rivers and oceans were the main form of travel.
Vincent_Valentine9 : When Planes, trains and automobiles began to be used, the term simply carried over.
amandahirst2007 : ur stupid. asl?
Vincent_Valentine9 : ..........
#310362 +(880)- [X]
splibob: I think we have a conflict of interest
jenneh: what's that?
splibob: me not being interested in talking to you
#351399 +(790)- [X]
Seven11Slurpes: word of advice
Seven11Slurpes: if you take a shit and theres no toilet paper left
Seven11Slurpes: duct tape is NOT a substitute
PrinceCharming4a: o.0 whered that come from
Seven11Slurpes: well, its started off like this
Seven11Slurpes: i was taking a shit
Seven11Slurpes: and found out i didnt have any tiolet paper left
Seven11Slurpes: so i looked around a saw a roll of duct tape next to the sink
Seven11Slurpes: and figured. eh. why not, what harm can i do
Seven11Slurpes: and boy was i WRONG!
#447426 +(753)- [X]
<Whiffles> Quit thinking!!
<God> I'm sorry. *becomes christian*
#500338 +(1305)- [X]
<robotobon> i am a bastard operator from hell
<robotobon> i used to sneek into the server room and unplug ethernet at random and run
<robotobon> then 5 minutes later i'd get a call at my desk
<robotobon> and i'd fix it really fast and be a hero
#590158 +(1122)- [X]
<Biz> i just finished cleaning 8 rolls of toilet paper off my car
<Biz> at least it wasn't malicious, like my car getting broke into for the 17th time
<wiff> are you keeping in valuables in the car that are visible?
<Biz> absolutely nothing
<Biz> because it gets broke into so much
<Biz> one time someone stole it from the park and ride
<Biz> so i report it, and i get a call that night
<Biz> my car has been abandoned...in another park and ride
<Biz> like 20 miles away
<Biz> it's like, just take the bus, dude
#612472 +(566)- [X]
sexy heyyyyy Adam i'm Sandra do you remember me?
DJARCAS FUCK OFF BOT
sexy same here
DJARCAS I win.
#641942 +(3228)- [X]
<Onyxus>: Have you ever been pwned by a 4 year old? I have, and so has my son.
<Onyxus>: 1.) I was riding in the car with my family and my daughter (as I have taught her) randomly said "I pwned a noob!" Being a proud father I reached back and said "Gimme five" to which she promptly responded "No you're the noob!"
<Onyxus>: 2.) Just today me and the missus were sitting in the living room watching TV while the kids were on the porch playing in their tiny little swimming pool. My son ran up to the back door and was yelling something unintelligible at it, when my daughter ran up behind him and dumped a cup full of water over his head...multiple times. He ran off, most likely to cry in a corner somewhere, and she looked at me through the door and yelled "I pwned a noob Daddy!"
<Onyxus>: Words can not describe the pride I feel in how I've brought up my daughter...
#684098 +(755)- [X]
<zip> IRC really has terrible markup. So many unclosed tags.
<zip> Oops. </zip>
#693037 +(1240)- [X]
ChaosPid: She was already mad at me and she yelled "I'm gonna kill you"
ChaosPid: and I responded....
ChaosPid: "This is wierd, I swear to god I just heard you offer to make me a cake, but the words didnt match up with your lips at all........but chocolate, I suppose."
Curt: What'd she do?
ChaosPid: She looked like she was gonna die... left the room and then came back a few minutes later.... in a rage.
ChaosPid: I then told her she shouldnt have left, if she wanted to go to the store to buy ingredients, she knew she would need a man to drive her to the store, and then I called her silly.
#697534 +(814)- [X]
<Kalthare> Dammit, I'm losing my stack pointer somewhere in fat_mount(). :(
<Quazgaa> Kalthare: sounds like a bad date
#728569 +(-148)- [X]
<raven^> What do I chmod a directory with to make it accessable from the web?
#772439 +(1413)- [X]
<heffalump75> so i was doing my food and tech exam, right..
<heffalump75> and for some reason they asked me to explain three different methods of cooking potatoes.
<heffalump75> I'd just recently watched LOTR as well.
<mmmBoris> Uh oh i can see where this is going
<heffalump75> In the first box i put "boil em," the second i put "mash em" and the third i put "stick em in a stew."
<heffalump75> And then on the side I drew a picture of Samwise Gamgee as best i could.
<heffalump75> I got a massive tick and full marks for that question.
#937383 +(1465)- [X]
<woodenleg> what should i get my gf for her birthday?
<spherXz> your virginity
<woodenleg> lol, something i haven't already given her?
<spherXz> an orgasm
<woodenleg> i'll ask someone else...