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#371 +(535)- [X]

<Acrimon> Does anyone know where to get a GOOD xemacs configuration file?
<NeepNeep> owh man.. emacs.. I just had dinner, please.
<Acrimon> sorry

#1587 +(830)- [X]

<HeLL> Is there a hacker called peer? He is trowing me off the chatserver(s) all the time.

#1604 +(567)- [X]

<Prence> then my mom will know i have sex with the coach
<Prence> i meant to say couch

#1812 +(293)- [X]

<doobedoobedoo> I went to wales too, they're fucked people.
<doobedoobedoo> The language is really fucked up, it's like gaelic, only more fucked up.
<Thom> At least it isn't Ulster Scots.
<doobedoobedoo> Is that what they speak there?  I thought they just spoke english really really poorly.

#3286 +(338)- [X]

*** Quits: MediArc (i am the lover in your bed)
<roded> i'm going to bed

#6994 +(637)- [X]

<mgod> weights 300 or something 
<mgod> she sez she has a thyroid problem
<bats> um i didn't know nabisco made thyroids

#7090 +(277)- [X]

<CrashCat> I could never place a personal ad.  I would live on p0rn and irc before I got that far.  oh wait

#7369 +(155)- [X]

<NaNaMagic> he is never too busy to answer our prayers
<qux> satan or god? you're confusing me now?
<NaNaMagic> he has extensions on his ears
<qux> like Mr Spock?
<NaNaMagic> yes  jesus has ears for all

#7786 +(175)- [X]

<nakedpretzel>  The pr()n industry uses interlaced .gif's to toy with my fragile emotions...

#8085 +(429)- [X]

<biatch> he tells me how he's cheated on two of his gfs
<biatch> then when i email him telling him i'm back with luke
<biatch> he's all disappointed
<biatch> and he's like
<biatch> "i told you about the girls i cheated on because i wanted you to TRUST me"

#11389 +(248)- [X]

<Cu-Ius> 'in an interview recently Keith Richards intimated that kids should not do drugs. Keith Richards, said that kids should not do drugs. Keith, we can't do any more drugs, because you already fucking did them all. We have to wait until YOU die, then smoke your ashes"

#11784 +(496)- [X]

<Dunrick> My iq is 20/20

#11832 +(146)- [X]

<diospadre> NO MORE FINALS
<diospadre> im done.
<BuddyLee> good then go update
<diospadre> no must christmas shop
<BuddyLee> no staff job comes first
<diospadre> no buying stuff comes first cant let the terrorists win
<BuddyLee> LOL!\

#15469 +(11)- [X]

<mota> I WAS RIGHT
<mota> they have her bent over the tennis net
<mota> and are shoving rackets up her cunt
<mota> and tennis balls up her ass

#16635 +(197)- [X]

<^Fizban^> I need an external modem. Anyone have one I can download?

#16657 +(395)- [X]

<@drew> saceist is a kind of person who always has that dumb look on his face.
<@saceist> huh?

#18144 +(77)- [X]

<TK-42-1> what the hell is philatio?

#18451 +(319)- [X]

<+shattersp1ne> hey i found out a way to abbreviate army
<+shattersp1ne> rme
<+shattersp1ne> i will make millions off of it

#22799 +(800)- [X]

<briancuz>My mom is ashamed of me because i'm not an alterboy. My dads ashamed of me because i'm not a football star
<sswoop182>sooooooo............Tackle a priest

#25408 +(171)- [X]

#27460 +(202)- [X]

<Markie> i dont hate dido, i just don't think she's got a particually great voice
<Woody> she sounds better than mendy in the shower and thats good enough for me ;)
<Markie> how do u know what he sounds like in the shower ?!
<Mendez> I'm very quiet in the shower I'll have you know... you have to be otherwise they hear you coming up behind them as they bend down to get the soap...

#36427 +(20)- [X]

<Geezus-stick> irc has to be the greatest achievement of mankind

#37248 +(96)- [X]

<deathwarrior> time out baron
*** SignOff Baron: #doomino (Ping timeout for Baron[h24-66-172-59.du.shawcable.net])

#38395 +(307)- [X]

* byra bounces like a retard
<Argent-> Are you listening to something bouncy?
<byra> nope.
<byra> im listening to the hum of computers
<Argent-> Well, that always perks me up.
<Argent-> The comforting whirr of fans, the faint ozone smell.. ah, I love that new computer smell you get when you buy a new case.
<Argent-> The slick texture of anti-static bags..
<Argent-> the clink of mounting hardware
<countzero> -stop- you're turning me on!
<countzero> ooh la la.

#40928 +(248)- [X]

<dingo> so i was talking to k-ron on the phone, telling him about that cop talking shit aobut 'distribution', and he says 'bullshit'!
<dingo> and in the background i hear his sister bitching at him for swearing
<dingo> so he says "shut up, mom says 'shit' all the time!"
<dingo> and her retort is: 'yeah, but you said the WHOLE word!'

#43272 +(189)- [X]

<SA-Magic> urgh, need food, but too tired to bother
<SA-NiteFox> Shake your keyboard upside down over your mouth.
<SA-NiteFox> It's kept me alive all these years.
<SA-Magic> nah, its ful of dirt and pubes
<SA-Magic> im not eating myself, so to speak
<SA-NiteFox> Okay, I do not want to ask how they got there...
<SA-Thrillias> Full of... pubes?
<SA-Magic> uhk, the dirt is jsut from usage
<SA-Magic> not MY pubes, surely
<SA-NiteFox> EVEN WORSE!

#51517 +(197)- [X]

<Khey> There was this soap opera on the TV in the customer lounge at work and there were these black people on it
<Khey> And I thought to myself
<Khey> "Man, why don't they get 'real' black people in soap operas?"
<duffey> Haha
<Khey> I'm not talking about some upper-middle class light-skinned 'nigga' either.
<Khey> Some dark-skinned, thugg'd out, bling-blingin', grill'd up guy.
<Khey> With cornrows and a stocking cap
<Khey> I'd watch soap opera's then.
<Khey> "Oh no, Johnny's mom was kidnapped"
<Khey> "AW SHIT NIGGA I'S FUNNA CAP ME SOME CRACKAS"
<Khey> or something
<Khey> Anyways, enough of Stereotype Theatre with Mr.K

#52896 +(371)- [X]

Saikoesis: 2. A Singapore singing group by the name of "The Oriental
Singers," sang non-stop for 74 hours and five minutes.
XDarkMindedX: Is that when they got taken out by snipers?

#54352 +(809)- [X]

< cae> you people all suffer from ADD apparently
< krapnggt> i suffer from SUBTRACT.

#76857 +(592)- [X]

<Noobe> Look at me. I'm topdeck. I use retarded internet lingo.
<Yawgatog> Noobe: Your nick is NOOBE.
<Noobe> Dude, Noobe is my real life name.
<Yawgatog> lol noobe

#78794 +(1119)- [X]

<xavas> so i was on the beach wearing my speedo's the other day
<xavas> and some chick walks by and goes "u got a roll of pennies in there?!?!?"
<xavas> so i says "yeah, want me to knock some cents into you?>

#89149 +(616)- [X]

<fusionpit> xp won't let me use 98 drivers form my video cards
<WorthWork> <fusionpit> also my car does not run on diesel as previously suspected

#99675 +(-80)- [X]

#106564 +(74)- [X]

<MegaDeth[Away]> hmmm
<MegaDeth[Away]> I like WASTE
<MegaDeth[Away]> WASTE is my FRIEND
<MH2> More people need WASTE
<Luigi30> I excrete WASTE into the TOILET.
<MH2> no
<MH2> That's waste
<MH2> Not WASTE

#113110 +(326)- [X]

<AfraidOfAmericans> I have money that smells like marijuana smoke
<AfraidOfAmericans> I am annoyed.
<Popples> I like the normal smell of money.
<AfraidOfAmericans> heh.
<AfraidOfAmericans> you mean cocaine?

#122713 +(1034)- [X]

<Feren> I'm a network engineer, and I'm o-kay / I plot all night and capture packets all day.
<Athena> You smack down PCs and eat Cat5, and go to the lavatory? On wednesdays you hunt scriptkiddies, and have roasted punk for tea?
<Slipstream> Old MacDonald had a network. EIGRP. And on this Network, he had some packets. EIGRP. With an ACK, ACK, here, and an ACK, ACK, there. Here an ACK, there an ACK, everywhere an ACK-ACK. Old Macdonald had a Network. EIGRP.
<Feren> ...

#193198 +(760)- [X]

<@Infinik> Do you think the Matrix ever gets netsplits?
<warpunk> Sure.
<@Infinik> Quits: Trinity (smith.matrix.com jackson.matrix.com)
<@Infinik> Quits: Morpheus (Quit: Observe the powers of the red pill, bitch)
<@Infinik> Smith has been kicked by Neo (Cloner) (-M-a-t-r-i-x-)
<warpunk> Heh.
<Swanky-Tuna> Why would you take a pill from a bald black man in the middle of nowhere?
<warpunk> Cuz I paid for 'em!
<Swanky-Tuna> there was a flash about that
<Swanky-Tuna> everybody started smiling as he was passing out
<warpunk> All your matrix are belong to us.
<Swanky-Tuna> and trinity was just a crossdresser
<@Infinik> Haha
<Infinik> "The Trinity?" "The Trinity who hacked the IRS d-base?" "That was a long time ago." "I thought you were a guy." "That was a long time ago too."

#205557 +(6181)- [X]

<Dark_Fox> Kami: if you changed your name to Kame, you would have a much more interesting name :)
<Kami> Dark_Fox: And if you changed yours to Dark_Fax, you'd have a more communicative name. :)
* Dark_Fox is now known as Dark_Fax
<Kami> It'd be... 'telecommunicative.'
* Dark_Fax makes noises and bitches because he's out of paper ant toner *
<Kami> Oh god, that happened at work today.
<Dark_Fax> FEED MEE!!!
<SailorV> Nuuuuuuuu
* Dark_Fax displays wrong time *
* Dark_Fax rings for no reason *
* Kami is now known as VCR-clock
* Dark_Fax gets a paper jam *
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
<Dark_Fax> PAPPPERRRRR
* VCR-clock blinks
<Dark_Fax> TOOOOOONEEERRRR
* VCR-clock blinks
<VCR-clock> :)
* Dark_Fax breaks a bearing and bounces around on the counter *
<Dark_Fax> FEEEED ERROORRR!!!! NEED PAPER!!
* Dark_Fax rings again for no reason *
* VCR-clock blinks some more
* SailorV runs and hides becuz there are weirdo's in here
* Dark_Fax chases SailorV *  MY PAPER!!! MY PREEESCIOUUUS!!
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
<SailorV> EEEE!
* SailorV unplugs the VCR
* VCR-clock has quit IRC
* Dark_Fax is now known as Dark_Fox
<Dark_Fox> ok i think ive peaked the humor of that

#270827 +(225)- [X]

<Karma`> Shit, you know you're in trouble when you find yourself listening to ACDC
<Vast|away> yeh, acdc always sneaks up behind me and starts playing and shit
<Vast|away> fucking annoying
<Karma`> You'd think they would have something better to do eh?

#484721 +(2103)- [X]

BonusStageInBed: let me spell it out for you
BonusStageInBed: ES
BonusStageInBed: EL
BonusStageInBed: OH
BonusStageInBed: DOUBLE U
blonde4u: slouu?

#527101 +(2370)- [X]

<remial> gah...
<remial> I was visiting my college roommate earlier today...
<remial> his ex-GF and his daughter were there...
<remial> they were in the other room watching cartoons or something...
<remial> and my friend asked me how my life was going, and I told him that things wre OK but it felt like there was some sort of consperacy to keep me from getting laid...
<remial> his ex GF immediatly calls someone on her Cel phone and says "He knows"

#545495 +(524)- [X]

[GmJ] some idiot made a iso of 2 more isos
[GmJ] so when I burned it
[GmJ] there are 2 isos on the cd

#609178 +(1287)- [X]

Chodeskius: hey whats a good name for my kitten
Shniznite: Qwerty
Chodeskius: that sounds so familiar
Chodeskius: where did u get qwerty.. oh.

#634805 +(397)- [X]

<@Miss_Morgan> heh
<@Miss_Morgan> ok get this
<@Miss_Morgan> I came up with a marketing campaign for a new cereal
<@Miss_Morgan> I was staring at some fruit loops I poured myself
<@Miss_Morgan> and after about 5 minutes of staring and munching, I realized something
<@Miss_Morgan> red... orange... yellow... green... blue... violet
<@Miss_Morgan> it's the 6-color rainbow!
<@Miss_Morgan> so get this
<@Miss_Morgan> in an approaching perspective and going up, stars and glitter-things coming off of the name
<@Miss_Morgan> Hom-O's
<@Miss_Morgan> and have three gay guys in the corner of the box
<@Miss_Morgan> on the bottom of the front pane, there'll be the slogan
<@Miss_Morgan> "They're fruity, they're colorful, they're fabulous!"

#656898 +(972)- [X]

<Mikey> So theres this chick at work thats pretty cute
<Mikey> And she saw me outside having a smoke one time on a break
<Mikey> And she goes "You should give that up"
<Mikey> That means she cares about my wellbeing and would possibly sleep with me right?
<stevenst> No, it just means she's an opinionated bitch
<Mikey> :(

#706299 +(2786)- [X]

annonymous: there is this post on the IMDB board asking if saw III has any nudity because they want to know if they can take their kids to it

#710728 +(1455)- [X]

Wraith2041: Man, even soulless corporations are telling the RIAA to shut their goddamn mouths. I'm betting soon Satan himself will burst through the RIAA president's floor and say, "Cease, minion. My Avril Lavigne songs are not to be trifled with."

#735255 +(258)- [X]

guitarchick177: lolz, christie's already drunk
SenorAnderson86: nice
guitarchick177: one shot drunk
SenorAnderson86: band name
guitarchick177: i'm halfway through my second
SenorAnderson86: album name
guitarchick177: hahah
SenorAnderson86: now we need a song name
guitarchick177: that's what she said
SenorAnderson86: Oh snap

#736402 +(259)- [X]

<pAth0s> anyone know what these modules are used for? ipip, ip_gre, and switch-adm?
<pAth0s> they're not loaded on my router while it's in use, hoping I can nuke em
<Krylancelo_> They control the universe.
<pAth0s> I'd imagine, but I'd gladly give up the universe for another 400k worth of space

#747191 +(136)- [X]

DeathDread26: Ever consider lifting a lawnmower up and using it like a weapon against a horde of people?
NiNj4 4Ss4SsiN: no
DeathDread26: oh
DeathDread26: so... i am the only one?
NiNj4 4Ss4SsiN: lol i guess
DeathDread26: damn.  know any good psychologists?

0.0490 20983 quotes approved; 1707 quotes pending
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