QDB Admin Latest 50 Quotes
Paypal Donate

#954927 +(92)- [X]

<chainsoar> fox news special: computer terrorists blow up several internets
<chainsoar> at least 45% of the network of tubes is damaged beyond repair
<Jill_Stihl> They are trying to hack your freedom!
<chainsoar> FACT: hackers can break into the CIA mainframe and actually _download your freedom_

#954924 +(72)- [X]

<RedMachineD> whoops
<RedMachineD> just submitted homework with a bad typo
<RedMachineD> talking about the way people use words
<RedMachineD> and hate speech and sluts and shit
<RedMachineD> and i accidentally typed in
<RedMachineD> "hateful coonotations"
<RedMachineD> :|
<RedMachineD> gonna be hearing from my professor about this one

#954911 +(51)- [X]

<Number6> Ducks have corkscrew shaped penises
* rsynnott hopes the people who made the Flintstones were unaware of this

#954866 +(132)- [X]

** You are now chatting in #fantendo
<Corbeb>: i've just realized that we talk about porn here more than we talk about fantendo
<Corbeb>: lol
<NoontimeYoshi>: whats a fantendo
<Hemu>: fantendo?

#954863 +(137)- [X]

<SirWolfgang> i just paid $85 for a hoodie...
<tetsu> but it lasts for a decade right
<tetsu> youll be 30 before you need to buy another hoodie
<tetsu> and by then youll be an adult and just buy a coat

#954760 +(558)- [X]

<LogicalThought> Having a girls head on your chest is one of the best feelings ever
<The_Opinion> Especially when it's still attached.

#954654 +(532)- [X]

<jude> First they came for the verbs, and I said nothing because verbing weirds language. Then they arrival for the nouns, and I speech nothing because I no verbs.

#954582 +(454)- [X]

<G-ZeuZ> When two people kiss, they create a tube with an asshole at each end.
<wufei> put that in your online dating profile
<wufei> you'll stand out

#954477 +(-312)- [X]

fr0gman: my ex gf is blowing up my phooine
fr0gman: and sent me emails
fr0gman: and is trying to call me from a blocked number lol
oldmadtom: she wants the d
fr0gman: ya
fr0gman: i should be like "Happy Valentine's ay... you'll get the D later"

#954425 +(535)- [X]

C:UsersNetham45>tracert -h 100

Tracing route to FIN []
over a maximum of 100 hops:

  1    <1 ms    <1 ms    <1 ms  -snip-
  2    26 ms    52 ms    28 ms  -snip-
  3    14 ms    33 ms    49 ms  -snip-
  4    18 ms    22 ms    22 ms  -snip-
  5    19 ms    23 ms    22 ms  -snip-
  6    27 ms    30 ms    30 ms  -snip-
  7    31 ms    31 ms    34 ms  -snip-
  8    26 ms    27 ms    30 ms
  9    46 ms    66 ms    66 ms  xe-1-2-0.atl11.ip4.tinet.net []
10     *       49 ms    49 ms  epik-networks-gw.ip4.tinet.net []
11    61 ms    59 ms    63 ms  po0-3.dsr2.atl.epikip.net []
12     *        *        *     Request timed out.
13   101 ms   118 ms   102 ms  Episode.IV []
14   101 ms   101 ms   102 ms  A.NEW.HOPE []
15    99 ms    99 ms    99 ms  It.is.a.period.of.civil.war []
16   102 ms   136 ms   117 ms  Rebel.spaceships []
17   116 ms    98 ms    95 ms  striking.from.a.hidden.base []
18   101 ms   115 ms    99 ms  have.won.their.first.victory []
19    99 ms    99 ms   100 ms  against.the.evil.Galactic.Empire []
20   118 ms    98 ms   100 ms  During.the.battle []
21   117 ms   101 ms   102 ms  Rebel.spies.managed []
22    99 ms   117 ms    94 ms  to.steal.secret.plans []
23   100 ms    96 ms   101 ms  to.the.Empires.ultimate.weapon []
24   103 ms   101 ms   105 ms  the.DEATH.STAR []
25    99 ms   100 ms    96 ms  an.armored.space.station []
26   120 ms   102 ms    98 ms  with.enough.power.to []
27    98 ms    98 ms   118 ms  destroy.an.entire.planet []
28    98 ms    97 ms   101 ms  Pursued.by.the.Empires []
29   101 ms   105 ms   117 ms  sinister.agents []
30   100 ms   100 ms   100 ms  Princess.Leia.races.home []
31   104 ms   101 ms   102 ms  aboard.her.starship []
32   105 ms   102 ms   103 ms  custodian.of.the.stolen.plans []
33   100 ms   100 ms   103 ms  that.can.save.her []
34   100 ms   106 ms   139 ms  people.and.restore []
35   100 ms   121 ms   102 ms  freedom.to.the.galaxy []
36    99 ms   101 ms    98 ms  0-------------------0 []
37   104 ms   118 ms   101 ms  0------------------0 []
38   100 ms    99 ms    99 ms  0-----------------0 []
39   102 ms   100 ms    97 ms  0----------------0 []
40   105 ms   118 ms   123 ms  0---------------0 []
41   100 ms   105 ms    98 ms  0--------------0 []
42   109 ms   115 ms   113 ms  0-------------0 []
43   161 ms   155 ms   154 ms  0------------0 []
44   114 ms    98 ms   112 ms  0-----------0 []
45   101 ms   124 ms   105 ms  0----------0 []
46    98 ms   143 ms   117 ms  0---------0 []
47   102 ms    97 ms   105 ms  0--------0 []
48   101 ms   101 ms   140 ms  0-------0 []
49   104 ms   107 ms   103 ms  0------0 []
50   102 ms   103 ms   104 ms  0-----0 []
51  1067 ms   100 ms   100 ms  0----0 []
52   100 ms   101 ms   104 ms  0---0 []
53   104 ms   101 ms   101 ms  0--0 []
54   108 ms   104 ms    99 ms  0-0 []
55   102 ms   101 ms   106 ms  00 []
56   106 ms   105 ms   104 ms  I []
57   102 ms   123 ms   105 ms  By.Ryan.Werber []
58   117 ms   103 ms   111 ms  When.CCIEs.Get.Bored []
59   107 ms   103 ms   105 ms  read.more.at.beaglenetworks.net []
60   105 ms   122 ms   101 ms  FIN []

Trace complete.

#954321 +(85)- [X]

<Watcher7> Want to eat stuff off my chest?
<space> erm
<space> is it hair

#954315 +(125)- [X]

<@LAMMJohnson> I suspect Star Trek Into Darkness will be good but not great.
<@LAMMJohnson> My reasoning for this is thus                    
<@LAMMJohnson> Perfect score because all of its words have a length that is a power of 2.
<@LAMMJohnson> Minus one point because total letters is not a power of two.
<@LAMMJohnson> Not even including spaces.
<@LAMMJohnson> However, the letters in all of the words plus the number of words is 24.
<@LAMMJohnson> Overall score for the movie: 8.5                            
<~chown> LAMMJohnson - Vice Executive of the Autism Department      
<@LAMMJohnson> The score, correctly, is a power of two marred with an ugly fraction.
<@LAMMJohnson> Although the fraction is 1/2
<@LAMMJohnson> Actually, the overall fraction is 17/20 which I pretty much hate.
<@LAMMJohnson> Which means I will initially think the movie is OK but then later change my mind and hate it.
<~chown> LAMMJohnson - Honourable Chairman of the Autism Empire

#954314 +(34)- [X]

<@Saturn> how are you?
< Bronysith> fine, cuddling luna plushie
< Bronysith> you?
<@Saturn> friend of mine died
<@Saturn> and eating pie
< Bronysith> oh fuck
<@Unnr> Saturn: *huuuug*
< Bronysith> Saturn: well im here for you if you need me
<@Saturn> i appreciate your concern, but the pie's not *that* bad

#954232 +(262)- [X]

<saylan> I just set up port forwards to defense.gov
<saylan> anyone scanning me now will be scanning/attacking the DoD :D
<renderbod> O.o
<bolt> that's... not exactly how port forwarding works
<saylan> ?

#954147 +(164)- [X]

Fatthew Mupples: i imagine a large part of romanian and chinese cultures revolves around typing ssh root@random.ip

#954127 +(184)- [X]

<er0s> if i was a porn director, i'd randomly cut to eye contact with the male actor
<er0s> to freak out whoever is watching
<er0s> maybe have him smile slightly too

#953518 +(2418)- [X]

<No_One> Damn my land mine collection is gone.
<No_One> Also so is my shed
<No_One> That's gonna be fun in the morning
15 minutes later.
<No_One> Fuck afk police pulled in
<Dwarf> k
<Dwarf> have fun
10 minutes later.
<No_One> Shiit
<No_One> Someone broke into my shed
<No_One> They won't do that again
3 hours later.
<No_One> Can I be charged with criminal negligence even if the said deceased person used bolt cutters to access something that killed them?
<noregister> I doubt it
<No_One> Good

#953413 +(4258)- [X]

<%wgluv2hunt> I was in a bar Saturday night, and had a few drinks.
<%wgluv2hunt> I noticed two large women by the bar. They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"
<%wgluv2hunt> One of them screamed, "It's Wales you idiot!"
<%wgluv2hunt> So, I immediately apologized and said, "Sorry, are you two whales from Ireland?"
<%wgluv2hunt> That's all I remember.

#953373 +(396)- [X]

(~roopurt) there is an article on the washington post "why is the arab world so easily offended"
(~roopurt) i think it might offend the arab world
(~roopurt) but really
(~roopurt) one person puts up a youtube video and they riot and kill
(~roopurt) the rest of world didnt come after canada after justin biebers last video

#953205 +(223)- [X]

*** valinhorn has joined #oregoons
<coyo7e> Immediately, she realizes that Christian Grey is not some ancient forty-year old dude, practically crumbling to dust atop his icy blonde empire, but a very hot young man:
<coyo7e> So young - and attractive, very attractive. He's tall, dressed in a fine gray suit, white shirt, and black tie with unruly dark copper colored hair and intense, bright gray eyes that regard me shrewdly.
<coyo7e> That... is one hell of a tie. I'm going to have to ask someone, please, look into the kindness and the goodness of your soul and photoshop me a picture of a black tie with Robert Pattinson's hair and eyes stuck on it, gazing at me shrewdly.
<valinhorn> um
<valinhorn> wow
*** valinhorn left #oregoons []

#953150 +(61)- [X]

<rad_ed> NOOOOOO i didn't want to do that no no no no
<Sharkd> what?
<rad_ed> i added honey boo boo to my google news section
<rad_ed> no no no no how do i undo

#953085 +(-62)- [X]

<swarthy15> I'm sweating like Gary Glitter in Mothercare

#952952 +(1020)- [X]

< CoJaBo> Update: The object seen landing near Gale Crater on MSD 49,269 at around 05:50:16 AMT local time has been conclusively identified by the Martian Space Agency to be a weather balloon.  Due to possible radioactive contamination, Mars citizens are forbidden to approach Gale Crater until further notice.

#952951 +(1066)- [X]

<zalzane> I wonder how long it will end up taking for all this pony shit to blow over
<Mutagene> too long
<pkmnBlue> 2 years
<zalzane> sailor moon took like 10 years
<zalzane> and every once in awhile I still hear fags harp about sailor moon
<pkmnBlue> DUDE
<Mutagene> sailor moon was good though :(
<pkmnBlue> Kuraitou: SAILOR MOON
<zalzane> oh my fucking god

#952948 +(960)- [X]

<gmaxwell> 1960: "I have a great idea! lets have every person in the country carry a radio tracking beacon!" "That'll never fly!"  2012: "I can has TWO iphones??"

#952943 +(580)- [X]

* dagdamor psychs himself up to play "which cable goes where" and "why is this cable routed like this?" ahead of a switch stack replacement
<dagdamor> deja vu etc
<evil_steve> you can generally tell if it's important.
<evil_steve> either a) all the phone start ringing at once, or b) all the phones go silent at once

#952942 +(776)- [X]

<dr2chase> As I said to someone else, back when the Lite-Brite Mooninites panicked the Boston Police, the first rule of making a bomb, is to not make it look like a bomb.
<dr2chase> That's why IEDs get buried, stuffed into dead dogs, what have you. Around here, if you wanted to hide a bomb in plain sight, you'd stick it in a crumpled Dunkin Donuts bag.
<anony> Isn't a Dunkin Donuts bag the first place a cop would look?

#951798 +(643)- [X]

<LocalDescriptorTable> Hey Russia I just met you and this is crazy but our space agency is broke launch our shit maybe?

#951697 +(762)- [X]

<m0bi_work> what is the "care for the comfort of a dying person" called
<hydro-> euthanasia
<Chaosbreaker> Microsoft terminal service

#951402 +(734)- [X]

*** bluntonio is now known as bluntplane
<bluntplane> i have the worst goddamn neighbor on this plane
<bluntplane> dude keeps scratching his fungus-infected foot and shit
<bluntplane> and his balls
<bluntplane> and then touches his face
<bluntplane> has his legs crossed so his shoeless-foot is dangerously close to my leg (wearing shorts)
<bluntplane> i'm about to tell him if his foot touches me again we're going to have a problem
<bluntplane> in civil disobedience protest i am attempting to fart a lot
<bluntplane> he is so fucking nasty
<bluntplane> i want to stab him in the throat
<bluntplane> a lot
<bluntplane> as in, i both want a lot to stab him in the throat
<bluntplane> and i would like to stab him in the throat a lot
<bluntplane> i would also be okay if he died of aids
<bluntplane> or anything else other than a plane crash
<bluntplane> but most especially by a stab to the throat
<bluntplane> stab(s)
<bluntplane> oh and he is now picking his nose
<bluntplane> oh fuck me
<bluntplane> here is the crown jewel
<bluntplane> dude just went into the bathroom in his socks
<bluntplane> I HOPE YOU DIE
<bluntplane> i would piss in this guy's face if i could
<bluntplane> i would piss in his wife
<bluntplane> if i murder this fuck, will you guys kick in for bail ?
<bluntplane> also, is "he needed killing" a valid defense ?
<bluntplane> and finally, if I murder him on the plane while in the air, what state has jurisdiction ?
*** Signoff: bluntplane (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
<spook> Federal
<nordberg> so.. is bluntonio in jail?
<nordberg> cause...  I'll totally chip for bail

#951317 +(944)- [X]

<ram> I got into an interesting discussion with my roommate yesterday about Quantum Romneyism
<ram> Romney holds a superposition of all political opinions until you observe him, then they collapse based on the audience.

#951292 +(-41)- [X]

xGrill: SQL is like the chess of the programming world

#951260 +(591)- [X]

<mgodzilla> I was a r&d micro electronics engineer tech. in my youth.
* mgodzilla designed this dc to dc power supply they put on a satellite
<Elephark> awesome
* mgodzilla sent the satellite into orbit and lost contact w/ it
<Elephark> at least it was powered
<mgodzilla> they said it was mostly likely due to a power issue.
<Elephark> ...oh
<mgodzilla> I was like - what are you lookin' at me for?!?

#951217 +(399)- [X]

<i_c-Y> im not just hard. im np hard, baby.

#951096 +(302)- [X]

<izi_> I like my servers like I like my women. monochrome and text only.

#951043 +(-103)- [X]

< pthreads> dude, I haven't even had a fucking oven for a year                          
< pthreads> we move in 2 weeks to a place that has an oven finally
<@sakuramboo> but, you live in germany
<@sakuramboo> after WW2, ovens are hard to find

#951040 +(232)- [X]

<mjew1>  new speakers showed up
<mjew1>  gotta figure out how im gonna wire them up
<bunni>  you put + in to +, and - in to -
<mjew1>  i know that
<bunni>  dont mix them up, otherwise the audio would be backwards
<mjew1>  fuck you
<bunni>  :D

#951001 +(1296)- [X]

<@Kropotkin> I hate looting corpses for anything other than an upgrade. I usually just loot the gold and small items... just feels more realistic to do that than strip someone naked all the time. I mean, this is Skyrim, not Baltimore.

#950977 +(954)- [X]

<hextasy> so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

#950944 +(714)- [X]

<Toba> i like my coffee like i like my women: earthy, french, and on my desk at work
<nightshroud> But be careful or you may end up with burning pain on your lap area.

#950920 +(1148)- [X]

<Uprising> I just want to work somewhere that actually counts
<jamesstanley> try the office for national statistics

#950902 +(785)- [X]

<TrailMix> Sorry Santorum, you have to carry your dead presidential campaign to full term.

#950879 +(279)- [X]

* Andaith has changed topic for #warble to: "Drought in the UK means:  It's still raining, but not as much as we'd like."

#950832 +(586)- [X]

<benjameno> how do i catch autism
<benjameno> i've tried speaking esperanto and using free open source software but it doesn't seem to be working

#950581 +(1636)- [X]

< Ergo^> Six Stages of Debugging
< Ergo^> 1. That can't happen.
< Ergo^> 2. That doesn't happen on my machine.
< Ergo^> 3. That shouldn't happen.
< Ergo^> 4. Why does that happen?
< Ergo^> 5. Oh, I see.
< Ergo^> 6. How did that ever work?
< MatthewWilkes> 7. svn blame
< miniwark> 8. one day we will write tests

#949959 +(3325)- [X]

<DevXen> Today I was at the store and saw a Darth Vader action figure that said "Choking Hazard." It was great.

#949924 +(-64)- [X]

<Grimhound> You know. You'd think that the human body, being the product of millions of years of evolution, would eventually learn to dull pain when it becomes a chronic thing.
<ryzorg> that seems true
<@AndrewPH> that would be counter productive

#949802 +(329)- [X]

<hq1> i promised myself not to touch java EVER in my life again, i'd rather drive a taxi

#949797 +(1137)- [X]

<@cougem> at 4am this morning i got a call from another hospital saying they were sending in a patient with a hole in their aorta
<@cougem> which as emergencies go is about 1 level below 'his head has fallen off'

#949643 +(1072)- [X]

<hafiz> <b>hello</b>
<hafiz> I NEED ZEND EXPERT!!!!!!!!!!!
<zomg> <blink>that so</blink>
<DASPRiD> <marquee>what for?</marquee>
<zomg> <font size="1337">Please ask your question on the channel, not in my PM</font>
<zomg> I really, really hope his irc client actually displays html

0.0551 20961 quotes approved; 4715 quotes pending
Hosted by Idologic: high quality reseller and dedicated hosting.
© QDB 1999-2014, All Rights Reserved.