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#966262 +(191)- [X]

< duoi> how do i stop getting my puter infected with adware when downloading porn
< skas> block ads
< skas> update os and antivir
< hdqn> next!
< duoi> but how will i find out about lonely singles in my local area
< hdqn> look into every window in the neighbourhood, if they're IRCing that's your best best
< hdqn> the shorter the handle, the longer the candle, if y'know what I mean

#966243 +(89)- [X]

<uselessabstraction> So I was just having a conversation with my fiance about Star Wars
<uselessabstraction> particulary, about the choice of architecture
<uselessabstraction> The amount of people who die from falling down bottomless pits is TO DAMN HIGH
<uselessabstraction> like, who designs architecture like this?
<uselessabstraction> catwalks with no guard rails whatsoever, just zigging and zagging through enormous voids
<uselessabstraction> Giant holes to nowhere
<gonzobot> &#12539;&#12444;&#12444;&#12539;&#12290; &#8203; &#12290;&#12539;&#12444;&#12444;&#8203;_< qu&#8203;ack!
<MerryPenguin> .bef
<gonzobot> MerryPenguin you befriended a duck in 3.166 seconds! You have made friends with 17 ducks in #trees.
<uselessabstraction> .bang
<uselessabstraction> bah
<MerryPenguin> It's by design
<MerryPenguin> It's a cleaner look, for a more elegant time
<uselessabstraction> like... who the fuck put this hole here????  and why????
<MerryPenguin> exhaust
<uselessabstraction> Darth Maul falls down a hole
<uselessabstraction> Palpatine falls down a hole
<uselessabstraction> Solo falls down a hole
<uselessabstraction> everyone falls down a hole
<uselessabstraction> Star Wars universe needs OSHA
<MerryPenguin> Luke falls down a hole
<MerryPenguin> Boba Fett falls down a hole
<uselessabstraction> yes.  yes.
<uselessabstraction> I forgot about those!
<MerryPenguin> R2D2 falls down a hole in the Millenium Falcon after he fixes the hyperdrive
<MerryPenguin> lol
<MerryPenguin> we're onto something here
<uselessabstraction> Obi Wan almost falls down a hole
<MerryPenguin> C-3PO falls off the barge into the sand. Pretty close to falling down a hole.
<uselessabstraction> his lightsabre does though
* MerryPenguin thinks hard about what other Star Wars Characters fall down holes
<uselessabstraction> what if the hole is symbolic
<uselessabstraction> the hole represents the dark side
<MerryPenguin> Nah, doesn't work. Luke chooses to fall down the hole instead of joining Vader/The Dark Side
<uselessabstraction> fair point

#966229 +(168)- [X]

<Jarcode> besides, emacs users are ripped
<Jarcode> you wouldn't want to mess with one
<Jarcode> the sheer strength of their fingers from reaching across their keyboard to use obscure keybindings can crush bones

#966228 +(-17)- [X]

<therocode> I don't use dumbbells because they are dumb.
<KVETCH> dumb in the sense that they don't speak
<therocode> yeah that makes me feel lonely
<KVETCH> barbells are pretty loquacious in comparison
<KVETCH> which is why so many people wear headphones to drown them out
<therocode> Scarecrow: i haven't figured out another way to get the same quality of simulation that is not super annoying to implement
<therocode> KVETCH: yeah, it's similar sounds to when you sit at a bar - hence the name
<KVETCH> and the bell is actually an abbreviation of belle, which is due to the hourglass shape of a fully loaded one
<therocode> in fact "gym" is a cheeky spelling of "jim" as a reference to "jim carrey", which is in itself a play on words: Jim Carrey -> Jim Carry.  "Jim" used in the same sense as "john" in "john doe" and Carry implying lifting weights. So, basically a place where people lift

#966225 +(204)- [X]

<Roosevelt> !choose do work, play games
<RoBoBo> Choice: do work
<Roosevelt> bah
<Roosevelt> !choose listen to a stupid bot, don't listen to a stupid bot
<RoBoBo> Choice: listen to a stupid bot
<Roosevelt> :(

#966218 +(282)- [X]

<tehron> i have a question about the english language: are parcel and packet synonym in any way?
<sabretooth> yes
<sabretooth> packet is generally smaller
<sabretooth> but they can be used interchangeably even with a large packet and a small parcel :)
<tehron> hm.. :P
<tehron> i think i can't receive parcels
<sabretooth> Well if you're sending them over TCP probably not
<tehron> :P very helpful
<sabretooth> if you're sending them by UDP, UPS or Royal Mail however they'll likely be dropped anyway

#966216 +(93)- [X]

<&Moltare> I tried teaching the twins about octothorpes
<&Moltare> I made a hash of it
<Stardrake> Keep trying. In for a penny, in for a pound, after all.

#966184 +(-79)- [X]

<anus> you measure from butthole to tip right

#966182 +(306)- [X]

<FedorhaJergins> I left my job today. I couldn't work for that man after what he said to me.
<ImAndreaKitty> what did he say?
<FedorhaJergins> your fired

#966181 +(233)- [X]

<Omega037> so, apparently in preschool class today the teacher asked the class "What are you afraid of?" and my son screamed "BLACK PEOPLE!"  It took her like a minute of talking to him about it to realize that he meant shadows, he just didn't know the word.

#966166 +(75)- [X]

<@stereo_> when we get a time machine that can look anywhere in history, i assume the first thing it'll be used for is to spy on other people's dicks
<@Dom`> I mean, why?
<@Dom`> If we wanted to spy on dicks, we could just put a camera in your mouth

#966114 +(117)- [X]

<firefacks> cout << "hello" << endl;
<CoccaFukuda> printf("Sup");
<firefacks> Console.WriteLine("not much");
<sjmulder> ObjectFactory.Resolve<IGreeter>().Invoke();

#966109 +(50)- [X]

<Min>: Urg Vince cable has been talking about brexiteers 'erotic spasms'
<Min>: I feel a bit queasy &#128533;
<Yhor>: come on Vince, lets keep it clean
<Min>: I know. Let's keep erotic out of the brexit space
<Yhor>: Maybe he's trying to appeal to people that pretend to know politics and think it's like football?
<Yhor>: you pick a team and you're on that team until you die regardless of your changing opinions
<Yhor>: and must hate all the other teams.
<Min>: Ah I thought you meant full of divas, too much money in the system and secretly owned by Russian oligarchs
<Yhor>: There are days it's clear you're a lot smarter than me.

#965959 +(526)- [X]

<pawz> i use lilo :") in fact.. my first cat was called Lilo
<pawz> i would take him to the vet and they would be like "Oh, Lilo, from the Disney movie" and i would say "Oi, check his birth date. he was born years before that shitty movie. his name is short for LInux LOader"
<Stranj> And then the vet gave you a shot to calm you down?

#965855 +(90)- [X]

<mandrill> if minnie driver had a mini cooper and multiple midget chauffeurs...
<mandrill> many mini drivers drive minnie driver's mini

#965821 +(162)- [X]

<fishmunster123>  when i was younger, my dad got me this star wars trilogy cd set, thinkning it was the soundtracks.  it was, but it was all midi, no actual orchestra stuff
<Norseman>  and that's how you learned to play the keyboard?
<fishmunster123>  no, thats how i learned life is full of disappointments

#965795 +(128)- [X]

<sargeras000> I've been in one (1) house that had a urinal
<thuban> whose house
<sargeras000> don't recall
<sargeras000> now that i think of it, it may have been a water fountain

#965761 +(75)- [X]

<monotone> it's funniest when a monkey is gibbon it all it's got, but things still go wrong
<Hawkline> wow monotone, just wow
<wayfinder> monotone, how do you come up with these? i hope it's okay to ask, i dont wanna pry m8
<HunterX11> the thing with monkeys is that they are smart enough that you can sometimes see on their face when they realize "oh shit this was a bad idea"
<wayfinder> kinda like when girls go on a blind date with me, "see me an" think this was a bad idea
<wayfinder> ha ha ha, am i rite
<wayfinder> she just didn't like macaque
<monotone> man, drilling deep, wayfinder
<wayfinder> monotone, that's what your marmoset

#965715 +(195)- [X]

< pronto> :(
< GiftdKook> Turn that frown upside down!
< korozion> ):

#965712 +(142)- [X]

<LordHelmet> FYI, The Last Jedi is up on the Corsair Cove.
<FailBetter> The what?
<LordHelmet> The Buccaneer Marina.
<PewLaser> you mean The Swashbuckler Lagoon?
<PewLaser> The Arrrrrbour?
<PewLaser> The Privateer Basin?
<PewLaser> Marauder Gulf?
<LordHelmet> Pirate Bay.
<PewLaser> aww, you ruined it. #ComboBreaker

#965693 +(-214)- [X]

<yuritrue> you can connect over tor i think if you use sasl
<yuritrue> don't quote me on that though

#965610 +(307)- [X]

<_alph4_> cedra when are you coming to live with me
<cedra> I can't
<_alph4_> :(
<cedra> Unless you live here in this country
<_alph4_> i do not
<_alph4_> i live in the democratic republic of trump
<cedra> What state
<_alph4_> denial
<_alph4_> sometimes confusion

#965608 +(56)- [X]

<ahf> well, i guess everything is a dildo if you are brave enough

#965519 +(243)- [X]

< leah> you don't win against people like SoundFriend by debating with the individual person. you win by getting elected and educating children so that we get less people like SoundFriend
< SoundFriend> Fewer

#965502 +(332)- [X]

<PeopleProgrammer> www.masterprocrastinator.com is taken
<TungstenCarbide> you shouldn't have waited so long

#965437 +(473)- [X]

<@be> Coworker arguing about NTP with me.
<@pronoun> tell them you don't have time for that

#965433 +(209)- [X]

<Lorien> I have identical twins. One's a back up.
<AnIndexOfMetals> She's kept in a box in the attic.
<Lorien> lol
<Lorien> Very much the opposite.
<AnIndexOfMetals> In the cellar.

#965416 +(637)- [X]

<zy]x[yz> turtles are like chairs with legs
<mniip> chairs already have legs

#965408 +(180)- [X]

<Denwa> Italiana should only be in charge of making unreliable cars that look cool
<Joe> proves how little of a true slav lives in you
<Denwa> Now now
<Denwa> Slav vehicle may also break down
<Joe> maluch doesn't break down
<Joe> nor does 125p
<Denwa> But they also only need bottle of vodka and semecki to run
<Denwa> Use mayonez as grease
<Denwa> Good to go
<Joe> maluch runs on literally anything
<Joe> if you defecate or piss into the tank enough it will run flawlessly
<Joe> though rip people who inhale the fumes
<Denwa> Also aren't fiat 126 technically not Italian
<Joe> manufactured by fiat
<Joe> italian
<Joe> designed by an italian as well
<Denwa> But they were made in Polan....
<Joe> a lot of shit is made in polan and yet you wouldn't call it polan
<Joe> like death camps for example
<Denwa> You win this round

#965350 +(203)- [X]

<AndrewOregon> People debate to win, and they usually resort to dishonesty in doing so. It's not a conversation.
<AndrewOregon> IRC is so cozy because it still hosts conversation, that rare gem online.
<lakembra> get raped fgt

#965386 +(-333)- [X]

<modp> off work now, time to get scotched up
<jas0n> drunk yet?
<jas0n> is your liver okay?
<modp> i'd say it's an approximate physical manifestation of a metaphor for my life

#965366 +(-377)- [X]

bld: we have officially "miscarried"
Hasad: pics or it didn't happen
bld: absence of evidence is not evidence of absence

#965249 +(328)- [X]

<blaxthos> "yea, um, let me get 2 boxen of sudafed"
<blaxthos> "sorry, by law you can only get 1 box at a time"
<blaxthos> "okay, let me get 1 box of sudafed and these 7 guns"

#963266 +(51)- [X]

<kiska> what does dj khaled even do
<venuism> makes mirc

#963183 +(214)- [X]

< winter_the_mute> i am both of those things
< winter_the_mute> sadly i am also a programmer so
< winter_the_mute> fit and pretty only gets you so far when you're autistic
<@    Riztazz> | there is a 3rd option to it
<@    Riztazz> | sadly only a handful of men can achieve that
<@    Riztazz> | and its not something you can do anything about
<@    Riztazz> | well
<@    Riztazz> | nowdays u can
<@    Riztazz> | get a big dick
< winter_the_mute> im black so i got that too
< winter_the_mute> but last time i whipped my dick out to a woman, she moved seats on the bus

#963072 +(502)- [X]

<wusel>hey whasti do you make love to your woman in the other hole?
<whasti>eww you sir are disgusting
<whasti>she could get pragnant from that

#963028 +(238)- [X]

Govind: once I saw a sign that said "Parking for Drive-Thru customers only". that was the stupidest thing I'd ever read until I read Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

#963026 +(509)- [X]

<Church> Sup folks
<BytesAndCoffee> Church: do you program?
<Church> Ja.
<BytesAndCoffee> more functional or more imperative?
<Church> Mix.
<BytesAndCoffee> Church: deplorable, church and state should never mix!
<Church> Heh
<Church> Oh god. It clicked.
<Church> Fuck you.
<Church> That joke has layers... >_>

#963025 +(297)- [X]

<mogh> I landed an in person interview
<sergey> where at?
<alexander> Hydraulic Press Inc.
<sergey> You've gotta crush the interview to work there
<sergey> very firm handshake is a plus as well
<kurn> dunno if I'd want to work there, I hear it's a high-pressure environment
<kurn> and opportunities for advancement are pretty flat          
<alexander> Getting the wrong manager there can be soul-crushing.     
<helena> but getting the right one can be powerfully uplifting          
<mogh> I think I could squeeze out a living

#963023 +(172)- [X]

<sneak> what is a good keto alternative to chips
<sneak> like kfc but from chicken shops not kfc
<S3tanta> I mean
<S3tanta> if you buy a breast of chicken
<S3tanta> and you fry that
<S3tanta> that's keto
<sneak> thats not fried chicken
<sneak> thats just chicken
<sneak> fried
<S3tanta> that's literally what fried chicken is
<S3tanta> chicken that is fried

#962987 +(-77)- [X]

<randymarsh9> what's the proper way to administer a remote linux server?
<aeyxa> ssh
<phogg> randymarsh9: Hire me to use ssh.
<randymarsh9> phogg: do you take bitcoin
<phogg> randymarsh9: no, I take payment only in Linux support. That YOU provide, later.
<phogg> to other people
<randymarsh9> what is ssh file transfer protocol claled
<aeyxa> sftp
<SporkWitch> scp
<phogg> sftp > scp, but sure you can use scp too
<randymarsh9> ok i want to use scp but whenever i try to edit/move file i get access denied
<randymarsh9> only root has access to modify those files
<SporkWitch> you've answered your own question then
<randymarsh9> i can't login as root though
<randymarsh9> there's gotta be a simple way to do this without changing folder permissions everytime
<randymarsh9> i know how from ssh but want to do the same from scp
<aeyxa> There is, you log in as root
<randymarsh9> no, i turned that shit off because some stupid security blog told me it's the right thing to do
<randymarsh9> you are basically telling me the hard way to do it
<randymarsh9> i already know how to do it the hard way i was looking for something easier through scp
<randymarsh9> telling me to login as root is hardly an answer
<aeyxa> randymarsh9: Log in as your user, then sudo up to root
<randymarsh9> aeyxa: how do you sudo up in scp
<aeyxa> randymarsh9: What files are you moving, where are you moving them from, what have you tried.
<randymarsh9> aeyxa: want to edit files in /etc/
<aeyxa> randymarsh9: Do you have permission to use the root account?
<randymarsh9> yes, but the login through scp with root is turned off
<aeyxa> randymarsh9: If you only want to edit files, I don't know why you're asking about scp and sftp.
<randymarsh9> aeyxa: because if i do it through scp i'm able to use the gui

#962982 +(790)- [X]

RageOmega: my gf's father yelled at me when he found out i took her virginity, i told him it wouldnt happen again and he let me off the hook

#962978 +(-92)- [X]

On a sunny summer eve
< Jan-> I really need to write up a readme on this to explain exactly what it's required to do.
< Jan-> Every time I bring it up, I go through this same conversation.
< Emil> Jan-: have you entertained the thought
< Emil> that
< Emil> you might be wrong?
< Emil> If everytime you bring it up people tell you are wrong
< Emil> Have you even considered the alternative?
< Jan-> Sure. But then I've reexamined the situation, and realised that no, I'm right, it's just that you don't understand my use case.
A few minutes later
< Jan-> bear in mind I've explained this about a billion times and it always ends like this.
< Jan-> it's getting really bloody tiresome.
< Emil> it ends with people not wanting to hear your shit anymore
< Jan-> I'm not an idiot, I have thought about this, I understand the problem.

#962974 +(259)- [X]

< froggey> which is another dependency, and another place for people to fuck up and send me bug reports
< aejsmith> solution: don't get users
< aejsmith> they're all terrible, so just avoid that problem by not having anyone use your software
< froggey> I'm trying! I'm building the weirdest and most useless possible software and yet people still want to use it
< froggey> I don't understand it at all

#962961 +(-311)- [X]

<scoob> so, question for you geezers
<scoob> gotta be in NY in a suit tomorrow. ok, fine. Flying out tomorrow.
<scoob> I can wear the suit on the plane and go straight, or I can pack it and change
<scoob> both seem shitty
<unclefat> are you flying in the animal hold ?
<scoob> the finest economy delta has to offer
<unclefat> can get you a gold medallion for $500
<unclefat> good odds on getting upgraded to a class that lets you hang your coat and doesn't fly you with some fatty's elbow up your asshole
<unclefat> #justsayin
<unclefat> also, for suit-wearing times i make them fly me in the night before and scrip a hotel room
<scoob> yeah, this is personal travel
<scoob> and just came in from elsewhere tonight
<scoob> didn't get to go direct from place to place
<unclefat> so where would you change  ?
<scoob> friends place
<scoob> someone's hotel room
<scoob> whatever
<scoob> that part is squared away
<unclefat> then i'd bring the suit
<unclefat> and fly like the animal you are
<scoob> all day erry day
<unclefat> go get shorn and whatnot at your boy's barn

#962960 +(-98)- [X]

SKoertig: I am trapped in a Bank of America please send help
SKoertig: They do not have a bathroom
SKoertig: I may die in this place.
Artilicer: odd
Artilicer: they let me use their bathroom
Artilicer: last time when I was bleeding from the mouth thanks to wisdom teeth removal
SKoertig: I think they literally have no toilet.
Artilicer: so
Artilicer: do they use the mouths of their customers or
SKoertig: These are accountants. I am fairly certain they do not poop.
SKoertig: Their buttholes are purely recreational in purpose.
Artilicer: how convenient
SKoertig: Please poop in my buttholehhfuffjrqqow
SKoertig: Sorry one of the tellers stole my phone for a second
Reuben Sandwich: fyi, the bathroom is not in the safe
SKoertig: I escaped. No prison can hold me

#962920 +(632)- [X]

<Ilikehorses> dude... how do u play this game?
<Xenocideophile> it's a chat room for programmers
<Ilikehorses> i know THAT
<Xenocideophile> then you're good to go
<Ilikehorses> no no no how do I make a game
<Xenocideophile> depends
<Ilikehorses> ...?
<Xenocideophile> Depends what language you want to use to start off with
<Ilikehorses> american

#962919 +(369)- [X]

<leo60228> vim is even better
<leo60228> but i honestly don't know how to open a new tab in it
<Pixl> we have reached peak hipster

#962894 +(41)- [X]

<MCRanchDepressing> "This sweet ass sed line should do the business"

#962889 +(176)- [X]

<drbngrl> hi
<LordCow> yo
<fppe> hello there girl
<fppe> what happened to your vowels
<LordCow> cost saving
<drbngrl> what vowels
<LordCow> exactly
<fppe> she had a vowel movement
<drbngrl> what are yoll talking about

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