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#11203 +(322)- [X]

<GenOberst> I had to mule kick out, and grab his foot to reverse it
<GenOberst> bent his big toe outwards away from the foot...
<Tac0> oh nothing compared to my day, I flew an F-16 across the DMZ for kicks, resuerected Bruce Lee then killed him again with my bare hand (one tied behind my back), then after that i proceeded to sleep with 20 supermodels at the same time, and to top it off i bitch-slapped the pope

#11204 +(134)- [X]

electo435: what time do you think this will all go down?
boozehound420: after sex
electro435: so like next week sometime

#11206 +(239)- [X]

<fm> they say if you do the same thing over and over again .. you'll get sick of it. I've been cutting school for more days then I can count and I'm not sick of it yet

#11208 +(438)- [X]

<Mr_Evets> I wonder what would happen if I were to eat some Brine Shrimp
<Mr_Evets> I wonder if they'd mix with the semen in my stomach and create a seaciety
<Sabrejack> yes. they would.
<Mr_Evets> Would they build statues of me and worship me?
<Mr_Evets> Then the other half build statues of something else, worship it
<Mr_Evets> and start suicide bombing each other??
<Sabrejack> quite likely.
<Mr_Evets> Excellent
<Mr_Evets> Because I already ate the brine shimp

#11211 +(406)- [X]

<Kitsa> dammit I hate my hotmail account
<Kitsa> I HAD 413 SPAM E-MAILS
<Kitsa> since 2:00 this morning
<Kitsa> according to them, I can make money sitting on my ass
<Kitsa> while fucking Britney Spears and taking human growth hormone

#11212 +(516)- [X]

<arckbar> I was putting in a new sound card, and I accidently ejaculated all over the inside my computer. Now my computer won't turn on. Any advice on what I should do?
<arckbar> Basically I blanked, I was putting in the card, and when I came to, there was cum all inside the machine, and my computer wouldn't work

#11214 +(43)- [X]

<Meat_PoPs> what a guy, jumps all over you then falls asleep
* Meat_PoPs shakes his head
<Mog> thats what most men would do
<Meat_PoPs> hehe
<Mog> pretend to fall asleep, plus women have a naturaly built in pillow for us
<Coan_Arcanius> hehe
<Meat_PoPs> mmm they are cushy

#11215 +(283)- [X]

<@Drezdar> !google teen pregnancy crisis hotline
<@Drezdar> Heh, don't ask.

#11216 +(282)- [X]

<Phonoflux> So I was watching TV last night
<Phonoflux> and my mom
<Phonoflux> she lent over and opened her legs
<cuebol> and I climbed out

#11217 +(131)- [X]

<@Drezdar> nah I'm not racist - but I am fully against paying for some foreign fuckface to teach me when I can't figure out what the Habib is saying.
<@Path> !

#11219 +(143)- [X]

<Twitch> next halloween i should hand out SVCDs
<Twitch> i wonder if the cops would show up

#11222 +(283)- [X]

e l i t e m r p (11:56:26 PM): 80 dagrees 95% humidity
Tom McFarlin 4 (11:56:50 PM): yesterday it was 90 deg and 90humidity here
Tom McFarlin 4 (11:56:53 PM): so i can relate
e l i t e m r p (11:57:47 PM): yeah but im wearing a 300 pound suit of lard

#11223 +(246)- [X]

<Jubei301> I want a director's cut version of the matrix where the red and blue pills are suppositories...

#11224 +(266)- [X]

<k0reany0> hey it's been long time since I've talked to you.
<Xilokumsh0t> let's meet up and have a beer sometime
<k0reany0> sure.  btw how is your wife nancy doing?
<Xilokumsh0t> her name is suzy
<k0reany0> who cares!

#11225 +(126)- [X]

* pygmy fires up excel
[@pygmy] or not
[@pygmy] I'd need it installed to do that :)

#11226 +(100)- [X]

<CactusEarl> any of you want to kill my alegbra teacher, he hates me
<CactusEarl> he thinks im going to shoot him
<CactusEarl> "oh my lord earl why does your quiz paper say im gonna kill you mister rose"

#11229 +(27)- [X]

<Bismarck> i recently decided that bsd is dead because it cannot hope to survive when it gives away it's IP with no protections whatsoever.

#11230 +(225)- [X]

<David> topic lock off ?
<David> how
<David> ?
<DJ-Pyro> /msg chanserv help
<SSJ4xVegeta> how do i group my nicks 2gether
<DJ-Pyro> /msg nickserv help
<DJ-Pyro> you'll notice a pattern

#11232 +(74)- [X]

<Karma> brb bathroom...
<DasAJ> we dont call the toilet a bathroom
<DasAJ> ever tried bathing in the toilet?
<SaladInc> there's a bath in the room though
<DasAJ> not here
<DasAJ> toilet is next door to the bathroom
<DasAJ> I dont want some dirty fucker stinking out the bathroom when i need to brush my teeth

#11236 +(252)- [X]

<@Breathe> I'd like to thank the Academy...  My parents... Adelphia cable and the fuckwits who dug up our sidewalk...
<Vo0> thats a word i havent seen you use befoe breathe 8)
<@Breathe> "Fuckwits?"  Or "sidewalk?"

#11237 +(731)- [X]

<Lord_Igsel> i remember an 11 year old kid on irc once, he had 'found out' about masturbation, and we were all laughing at him and things like "wooww what's it like how did you do itt' and then he said 'a friend showed me. i rubbed his dick, he rubbed mine.'
<Lord_Igsel> and then we got scared. :D

#11238 +(300)- [X]

<Drew```> I really dont appriciate my sister saying "oh, close your eyes andrew, I already took off my pants outside"

#11241 +(454)- [X]

<xdeep> does anyone have a computer currently handy

#11244 +(417)- [X]

<Hippie316> plus i have one of the worlds smallest rooms
<Hippie316> ask dop hes seen my room
<Hippie316> plus he can attest to it being small
<Doppelganger> no I cant
<Doppelganger> oh, you mean the room
<Doppelganger> yeah

#11246 +(688)- [X]

<Saber> help me
<Saber> I just ate a fortune cookie
<Saber> But I don't remember taking the fortune out

#11248 +(114)- [X]

-SandNET- press, the like whole end, or are you just exagerating a big ass cut
-SandNET- oops, just talked to 300 users

#11251 +(204)- [X]

<Zombie> will you beat up Red Sky for me?
<Ryco> no =P
<Zombie> He almost cost me my JOB
<kesu-cho> what did RS do
<kesu-cho> that almost cost you your job?
<Zombie> He told my Boss I wanted to have sex with him

#11255 +(304)- [X]

<ducks> I was looking through someone's eBay auctions
<ducks> and this is what I see listed

#11257 +(196)- [X]

<c_thur> god i hate my roomates GF
<c_thur> if she was non existant
<c_thur> there would be no hand jobs behind me

#11260 +(189)- [X]

<DumbCatgirlSexSlave> no.  must slay Willian Shatner.
<DumbCatgirlSexSlave> ... his name is "Shatner".  this never struck me as funny before but it does now.
<Tomko> william scatner
<Tomko> spock: your feces is ILLOGICALLY DELICIOUS

#11261 +(893)- [X]

* Tomko slaps saber with Oprah's clitoris, which resembles some kind of gnarled and pulsating sweet potato
<ducks> WTF

#11263 +(190)- [X]

<CABAL> you're the fat one
<CABAL> like hell gravity would let you jump

#11264 +(1169)- [X]

<Saber> I had a full can of soda
<Saber> and I slipped
<Saber> and dropped it above my KB
<Saber> and I caught it
<Saber> but THOUGHT it was upside down
<Saber> so I  inverted it
<Saber> and it turns out
<Saber> it was rightside up

#11266 +(229)- [X]

<ThisIsASentenceInANick> YOUR TURN
* Tomko awaits anxiously for HAWT STEAMY MANSAWCE
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> IT IS MY TURN AGAIN
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> DO YOU BLOCK?  Y/N
<Tomko> N

#11271 +(497)- [X]

<Sandie> http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/celebrity/wesleys-anal-ordeal <- Sci needs to see this
<Sandie> "As Wesley opened his mouth in agony Kor slid the gigantic head of
<Sandie> his Klingon cock into his soft boy-mouth. Wes's scream became a gurgle as
<Sandie> he began nursing the head in compliance with Kor's bellowing order to
<Sandie> please his warrior dick with his pussyboy mouth.
<c_thur> ...
* Tomko slits his wrists and welcomes the sweet red death

#11278 +(44)- [X]

<VinnyD> wow is it possible to become gay from watching an episode of sanford and sons?

#11281 +(365)- [X]

<Ouroboros> I think the downfall of the Roman Empire was caused by something similar to IRC.
<Ouroboros> The Roman equivilent of a lawless, perverted group of weirdos, if you will.

#11291 +(850)- [X]

<prok> heh they set up one of those temporary radar speed detector things yesterday, the ones that tell you how fast you're going
<prok> with a big sign
<prok> i did about 5 laps around it trying to get my car up to 120
<ShizCakes> You know it takes your picture if it starts blinking when you go past it, right?
<prok> whoops

#11301 +(364)- [X]

<liquid> i want to get head from a girl with a fat bottom lip
<jenn> punch her first.

#11304 +(475)- [X]

<IsoFlash> i dumped my girlfriend because she is fucking dumb
<AciDBatH> woah sweet
<AciDBatH> i dumped mine cuz she had a penis

#11321 +(566)- [X]

<Maggieamac> I pray for Osama Bin Laden everynight for him to give his life to Jesus
<dendr1te> I think he's given his life to Allah.
<Maggieamac> We'll see
<Maggieamac> But I pray for him everynight before I go to sleep
<Maggieamac> :)
<dendr1te> Geez, I feel bad. I usually just masturbate before I go to sleep.
<Maggieamac> It going to be ok
<Maggieamac> Tonight I'll pray for you

#11322 +(501)- [X]

<RunninRaven> I don't think I have once asked Jeeves a damn thing
<moestavern19> I asked him once where i could find some kick-ass porn
<RunninRaven> What did he say?
<moestavern19> he said kickassporn.com

#11339 +(1232)- [X]

(NOTE: The URLs were coloured out with IRC colours, or something ^_^)

<@Saiko> Hello #sqrxz my name is Claudia, I have 36D tits and I am very horny. You can read more about me HERE ----> ( http://goatse.cx http://goatse.cx ) and i also have some nude pictures of me! I also talk about when I had oral sex with my roomate. I'm only 17 and I'm very lonely, pls cum and chat with me!
<@Zinco> Who would be retarded enough to click on a link they could not see?
<Loco-san> HOLY CRAP WHAT IS THAT!!!!!!

#11343 +(181)- [X]

<@FoX> for the record
<@FoX> she never cybered me
<@FoX> i cybered her
<@FoX> :D
<@FoX> oh yeh....did i forget to mention i kept gettign the message no such Nick/Channel

#11348 +(1072)- [X]

<@Ryu> I remember when I was watching a porn on a tape I received from my friend, and I start wacking off to the lesbians on the TV... Then all of a sudden right when I was about to cum, the tape stopped and it was TeleTubbies on the TV instead. I cummed, and I cried.... i'm not joking.

#11350 +(331)- [X]

<davis> you're site reminds me of a commercial
<MyBodyIs4Sale> which commercial?
<davis> the one where the girl dumps the guy because of his lack of substance on his web page

#11353 +(1029)- [X]

<guyen> holy shit i'm not going to be home this weekend, i have an online exam i have to take, but i'll be in LA
<guyen> there's a wedding going on so i won't be able to exactly just do it at my relative's house
<guyen> i'm looking for cybercafes and crap, the only thing i can find is some place called Yogi's Cyber Hut
<guyen> holy fuck i can't believe i'm depending on Yogi for my midterm grade
<xan> at least he's smarter than the average bear

#11368 +(1615)- [X]

<@miz> nothing
<@miz> :o

#11384 +(206)- [X]

[@{Defenderz}] heh... you know this is all the british's fault, technically
[@{Defenderz}] I don't blame Britain... but... it still is thier flaw they sparked this whole thing :-P
[+Dark_Brood] Yeah they went to america in the first place

#11385 +(220)- [X]

[@Dz[Here]] Did you see Episode 2?
[@Dz[Here]] You'll want to have SEX with Natalie Portman after it
[@Dz[Here]] I seriously thing that... uh... $calc(($150 million / $7) / 2) guys want to have sex with her!

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