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#963023 +(147)- [X]

<sneak> what is a good keto alternative to chips
<sneak> like kfc but from chicken shops not kfc
<S3tanta> I mean
<S3tanta> if you buy a breast of chicken
<S3tanta> and you fry that
<S3tanta> that's keto
<sneak> thats not fried chicken
<sneak> thats just chicken
<sneak> fried
<S3tanta> that's literally what fried chicken is
<S3tanta> chicken that is fried

#963025 +(257)- [X]

<mogh> I landed an in person interview
<sergey> where at?
<alexander> Hydraulic Press Inc.
<sergey> You've gotta crush the interview to work there
<sergey> very firm handshake is a plus as well
<kurn> dunno if I'd want to work there, I hear it's a high-pressure environment
<kurn> and opportunities for advancement are pretty flat          
<alexander> Getting the wrong manager there can be soul-crushing.     
<helena> but getting the right one can be powerfully uplifting          
<mogh> I think I could squeeze out a living

#963026 +(434)- [X]

<Church> Sup folks
<BytesAndCoffee> Church: do you program?
<Church> Ja.
<BytesAndCoffee> more functional or more imperative?
<Church> Mix.
<BytesAndCoffee> Church: deplorable, church and state should never mix!
<Church> Heh
<Church> Oh god. It clicked.
<Church> Fuck you.
<Church> That joke has layers... >_>

#963028 +(205)- [X]

Govind: once I saw a sign that said "Parking for Drive-Thru customers only". that was the stupidest thing I'd ever read until I read Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

#963072 +(438)- [X]

<wusel>hey whasti do you make love to your woman in the other hole?
<whasti>eww you sir are disgusting
<whasti>she could get pragnant from that

#963183 +(195)- [X]

< winter_the_mute> i am both of those things
< winter_the_mute> sadly i am also a programmer so
< winter_the_mute> fit and pretty only gets you so far when you're autistic
<@    Riztazz> | there is a 3rd option to it
<@    Riztazz> | sadly only a handful of men can achieve that
<@    Riztazz> | and its not something you can do anything about
<@    Riztazz> | well
<@    Riztazz> | nowdays u can
<@    Riztazz> | get a big dick
< winter_the_mute> im black so i got that too
< winter_the_mute> but last time i whipped my dick out to a woman, she moved seats on the bus

#963266 +(29)- [X]

<kiska> what does dj khaled even do
<venuism> makes mirc

#965249 +(291)- [X]

<blaxthos> "yea, um, let me get 2 boxen of sudafed"
<blaxthos> "sorry, by law you can only get 1 box at a time"
<blaxthos> "okay, let me get 1 box of sudafed and these 7 guns"

#965350 +(171)- [X]

<AndrewOregon> People debate to win, and they usually resort to dishonesty in doing so. It's not a conversation.
<AndrewOregon> IRC is so cozy because it still hosts conversation, that rare gem online.
<lakembra> get raped fgt

#965366 +(-370)- [X]

bld: we have officially "miscarried"
Hasad: pics or it didn't happen
bld: absence of evidence is not evidence of absence

#965386 +(-319)- [X]

<modp> off work now, time to get scotched up
<jas0n> drunk yet?
<jas0n> is your liver okay?
<modp> i'd say it's an approximate physical manifestation of a metaphor for my life

#965408 +(166)- [X]

<Denwa> Italiana should only be in charge of making unreliable cars that look cool
<Joe> proves how little of a true slav lives in you
<Denwa> Now now
<Denwa> Slav vehicle may also break down
<Joe> maluch doesn't break down
<Joe> nor does 125p
<Denwa> But they also only need bottle of vodka and semecki to run
<Denwa> Use mayonez as grease
<Denwa> Good to go
<Joe> maluch runs on literally anything
<Joe> if you defecate or piss into the tank enough it will run flawlessly
<Joe> though rip people who inhale the fumes
<Denwa> Also aren't fiat 126 technically not Italian
<Joe> manufactured by fiat
<Joe> italian
<Joe> designed by an italian as well
<Denwa> But they were made in Polan....
<Joe> a lot of shit is made in polan and yet you wouldn't call it polan
<Joe> like death camps for example
<Denwa> You win this round

#965416 +(535)- [X]

<zy]x[yz> turtles are like chairs with legs
<mniip> chairs already have legs

#965433 +(182)- [X]

<Lorien> I have identical twins. One's a back up.
<AnIndexOfMetals> She's kept in a box in the attic.
<Lorien> lol
<Lorien> Very much the opposite.
<AnIndexOfMetals> In the cellar.

#965437 +(405)- [X]

<@be> Coworker arguing about NTP with me.
<@pronoun> tell them you don't have time for that

#965502 +(208)- [X]

<PeopleProgrammer> www.masterprocrastinator.com is taken
<TungstenCarbide> you shouldn't have waited so long

#965519 +(156)- [X]

< leah> you don't win against people like SoundFriend by debating with the individual person. you win by getting elected and educating children so that we get less people like SoundFriend
< SoundFriend> Fewer

#965608 +(19)- [X]

<ahf> well, i guess everything is a dildo if you are brave enough

#965610 +(162)- [X]

<_alph4_> cedra when are you coming to live with me
<cedra> I can't
<_alph4_> :(
<cedra> Unless you live here in this country
<_alph4_> i do not
<_alph4_> i live in the democratic republic of trump
<cedra> What state
<_alph4_> denial
<_alph4_> sometimes confusion

#965693 +(-148)- [X]

<yuritrue> you can connect over tor i think if you use sasl
<yuritrue> don't quote me on that though

#965712 +(81)- [X]

<LordHelmet> FYI, The Last Jedi is up on the Corsair Cove.
<FailBetter> The what?
<LordHelmet> The Buccaneer Marina.
<PewLaser> you mean The Swashbuckler Lagoon?
<PewLaser> The Arrrrrbour?
<PewLaser> The Privateer Basin?
<PewLaser> Marauder Gulf?
<LordHelmet> Pirate Bay.
<PewLaser> aww, you ruined it. #ComboBreaker

#965715 +(108)- [X]

< pronto> :(
< GiftdKook> Turn that frown upside down!
< korozion> ):

#965761 +(47)- [X]

<monotone> it's funniest when a monkey is gibbon it all it's got, but things still go wrong
<Hawkline> wow monotone, just wow
<wayfinder> monotone, how do you come up with these? i hope it's okay to ask, i dont wanna pry m8
<HunterX11> the thing with monkeys is that they are smart enough that you can sometimes see on their face when they realize "oh shit this was a bad idea"
<wayfinder> kinda like when girls go on a blind date with me, "see me an" think this was a bad idea
<wayfinder> ha ha ha, am i rite
<wayfinder> she just didn't like macaque
<monotone> man, drilling deep, wayfinder
<wayfinder> monotone, that's what your marmoset

#965795 +(84)- [X]

<sargeras000> I've been in one (1) house that had a urinal
<thuban> whose house
<sargeras000> don't recall
<sargeras000> now that i think of it, it may have been a water fountain

#965821 +(114)- [X]

<fishmunster123>  when i was younger, my dad got me this star wars trilogy cd set, thinkning it was the soundtracks.  it was, but it was all midi, no actual orchestra stuff
<Norseman>  and that's how you learned to play the keyboard?
<fishmunster123>  no, thats how i learned life is full of disappointments

#965855 +(62)- [X]

<mandrill> if minnie driver had a mini cooper and multiple midget chauffeurs...
<mandrill> many mini drivers drive minnie driver's mini

#965959 +(334)- [X]

<pawz> i use lilo :") in fact.. my first cat was called Lilo
<pawz> i would take him to the vet and they would be like "Oh, Lilo, from the Disney movie" and i would say "Oi, check his birth date. he was born years before that shitty movie. his name is short for LInux LOader"
<Stranj> And then the vet gave you a shot to calm you down?

#966109 +(23)- [X]

<Min>: Urg Vince cable has been talking about brexiteers 'erotic spasms'
<Min>: I feel a bit queasy &#128533;
<Yhor>: come on Vince, lets keep it clean
<Min>: I know. Let's keep erotic out of the brexit space
<Yhor>: Maybe he's trying to appeal to people that pretend to know politics and think it's like football?
<Yhor>: you pick a team and you're on that team until you die regardless of your changing opinions
<Yhor>: and must hate all the other teams.
<Min>: Ah I thought you meant full of divas, too much money in the system and secretly owned by Russian oligarchs
<Yhor>: There are days it's clear you're a lot smarter than me.

#966114 +(33)- [X]

<firefacks> cout << "hello" << endl;
<CoccaFukuda> printf("Sup");
<firefacks> Console.WriteLine("not much");
<sjmulder> ObjectFactory.Resolve<IGreeter>().Invoke();

#966166 +(27)- [X]

<@stereo_> when we get a time machine that can look anywhere in history, i assume the first thing it'll be used for is to spy on other people's dicks
<@Dom`> I mean, why?
<@Dom`> If we wanted to spy on dicks, we could just put a camera in your mouth

#966181 +(78)- [X]

<Omega037> so, apparently in preschool class today the teacher asked the class "What are you afraid of?" and my son screamed "BLACK PEOPLE!"  It took her like a minute of talking to him about it to realize that he meant shadows, he just didn't know the word.

#966182 +(97)- [X]

<FedorhaJergins> I left my job today. I couldn't work for that man after what he said to me.
<ImAndreaKitty> what did he say?
<FedorhaJergins> your fired

#966184 +(-41)- [X]

<anus> you measure from butthole to tip right

#966216 +(28)- [X]

<&Moltare> I tried teaching the twins about octothorpes
<&Moltare> I made a hash of it
<Stardrake> Keep trying. In for a penny, in for a pound, after all.

#966218 +(98)- [X]

<tehron> i have a question about the english language: are parcel and packet synonym in any way?
<sabretooth> yes
<sabretooth> packet is generally smaller
<sabretooth> but they can be used interchangeably even with a large packet and a small parcel :)
<tehron> hm.. :P
<tehron> i think i can't receive parcels
<sabretooth> Well if you're sending them over TCP probably not
<tehron> :P very helpful
<sabretooth> if you're sending them by UDP, UPS or Royal Mail however they'll likely be dropped anyway

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