#963023 +(206)- [X]
<sneak> what is a good keto alternative to chips
<sneak> like kfc but from chicken shops not kfc
<S3tanta> I mean
<S3tanta> if you buy a breast of chicken
<S3tanta> and you fry that
<S3tanta> that's keto
<sneak> thats not fried chicken
<sneak> thats just chicken
<S3tanta> that's literally what fried chicken is
<S3tanta> chicken that is fried
#963025 +(344)- [X]
<mogh> I landed an in person interview
<sergey> where at?
<alexander> Hydraulic Press Inc.
<sergey> You've gotta crush the interview to work there
<sergey> very firm handshake is a plus as well
<kurn> dunno if I'd want to work there, I hear it's a high-pressure environment
<kurn> and opportunities for advancement are pretty flat
<alexander> Getting the wrong manager there can be soul-crushing.
<helena> but getting the right one can be powerfully uplifting
<mogh> I think I could squeeze out a living
#963026 +(600)- [X]
<Church> Sup folks
<BytesAndCoffee> Church: do you program?
<BytesAndCoffee> more functional or more imperative?
<BytesAndCoffee> Church: deplorable, church and state should never mix!
<Church> Oh god. It clicked.
<Church> Fuck you.
<Church> That joke has layers... >_>
#963028 +(277)- [X]
Govind: once I saw a sign that said "Parking for Drive-Thru customers only". that was the stupidest thing I'd ever read until I read Harry Potter and the Cursed Child
#963072 +(561)- [X]
<wusel>hey whasti do you make love to your woman in the other hole?
<whasti>eww you sir are disgusting
<whasti>she could get pragnant from that
#963183 +(240)- [X]
< winter_the_mute> i am both of those things
< winter_the_mute> sadly i am also a programmer so
< winter_the_mute> fit and pretty only gets you so far when you're autistic
<@ Riztazz> | there is a 3rd option to it
<@ Riztazz> | sadly only a handful of men can achieve that
<@ Riztazz> | and its not something you can do anything about
<@ Riztazz> | well
<@ Riztazz> | nowdays u can
<@ Riztazz> | get a big dick
< winter_the_mute> im black so i got that too
< winter_the_mute> but last time i whipped my dick out to a woman, she moved seats on the bus
#963266 +(86)- [X]
<kiska> what does dj khaled even do
<venuism> makes mirc
#965249 +(365)- [X]
<blaxthos> "yea, um, let me get 2 boxen of sudafed"
<blaxthos> "sorry, by law you can only get 1 box at a time"
<blaxthos> "okay, let me get 1 box of sudafed and these 7 guns"
#965350 +(230)- [X]
<AndrewOregon> People debate to win, and they usually resort to dishonesty in doing so. It's not a conversation.
<AndrewOregon> IRC is so cozy because it still hosts conversation, that rare gem online.
<lakembra> get raped fgt
#965366 +(-402)- [X]
bld: we have officially "miscarried"
Hasad: pics or it didn't happen
bld: absence of evidence is not evidence of absence
#965386 +(-356)- [X]
<modp> off work now, time to get scotched up
<jas0n> drunk yet?
<modp> BUCK'S ABORTION CLINIC SPEAKING. YOU RAPE 'EM, WE SCRAPE 'EM. NO FETUS CAN BEAT US.
<jas0n> is your liver okay?
<modp> i'd say it's an approximate physical manifestation of a metaphor for my life
#965408 +(209)- [X]
<Denwa> Italiana should only be in charge of making unreliable cars that look cool
<Joe> proves how little of a true slav lives in you
<Denwa> Now now
<Denwa> Slav vehicle may also break down
<Joe> maluch doesn't break down
<Joe> nor does 125p
<Denwa> But they also only need bottle of vodka and semecki to run
<Denwa> Use mayonez as grease
<Denwa> Good to go
<Joe> maluch runs on literally anything
<Joe> if you defecate or piss into the tank enough it will run flawlessly
<Joe> though rip people who inhale the fumes
<Denwa> Also aren't fiat 126 technically not Italian
<Joe> manufactured by fiat
<Joe> designed by an italian as well
<Denwa> But they were made in Polan....
<Joe> a lot of shit is made in polan and yet you wouldn't call it polan
<Joe> like death camps for example
<Denwa> You win this round
#965416 +(748)- [X]
<zy]x[yz> turtles are like chairs with legs
<mniip> chairs already have legs
#965433 +(247)- [X]
<Lorien> I have identical twins. One's a back up.
<AnIndexOfMetals> She's kept in a box in the attic.
<Lorien> Very much the opposite.
<AnIndexOfMetals> In the cellar.
#965437 +(545)- [X]
<@be> Coworker arguing about NTP with me.
<@pronoun> tell them you don't have time for that
#965502 +(447)- [X]
<PeopleProgrammer> www.masterprocrastinator.com is taken
<TungstenCarbide> you shouldn't have waited so long
#965519 +(346)- [X]
< leah> you don't win against people like SoundFriend by debating with the individual person. you win by getting elected and educating children so that we get less people like SoundFriend
< SoundFriend> Fewer
#965608 +(81)- [X]
<ahf> well, i guess everything is a dildo if you are brave enough
#965610 +(437)- [X]
<_alph4_> cedra when are you coming to live with me
<cedra> I can't
<cedra> Unless you live here in this country
<_alph4_> i do not
<_alph4_> i live in the democratic republic of trump
<cedra> What state
<_alph4_> sometimes confusion
#965693 +(-302)- [X]
<yuritrue> you can connect over tor i think if you use sasl
<yuritrue> don't quote me on that though
#965712 +(211)- [X]
<LordHelmet> FYI, The Last Jedi is up on the Corsair Cove.
<FailBetter> The what?
<LordHelmet> The Buccaneer Marina.
<PewLaser> you mean The Swashbuckler Lagoon?
<PewLaser> The Arrrrrbour?
<PewLaser> The Privateer Basin?
<PewLaser> Marauder Gulf?
<LordHelmet> Pirate Bay.
<PewLaser> aww, you ruined it. #ComboBreaker
#965715 +(292)- [X]
< pronto> :(
< GiftdKook> Turn that frown upside down!
< korozion> ):
#965761 +(120)- [X]
<monotone> it's funniest when a monkey is gibbon it all it's got, but things still go wrong
<Hawkline> wow monotone, just wow
<wayfinder> monotone, how do you come up with these? i hope it's okay to ask, i dont wanna pry m8
<HunterX11> the thing with monkeys is that they are smart enough that you can sometimes see on their face when they realize "oh shit this was a bad idea"
<wayfinder> kinda like when girls go on a blind date with me, "see me an" think this was a bad idea
<wayfinder> ha ha ha, am i rite
<wayfinder> she just didn't like macaque
<monotone> man, drilling deep, wayfinder
<wayfinder> monotone, that's what your marmoset
#965795 +(178)- [X]
<sargeras000> I've been in one (1) house that had a urinal
<thuban> whose house
<sargeras000> don't recall
<sargeras000> now that i think of it, it may have been a water fountain
#965821 +(220)- [X]
<fishmunster123> when i was younger, my dad got me this star wars trilogy cd set, thinkning it was the soundtracks. it was, but it was all midi, no actual orchestra stuff
<Norseman> and that's how you learned to play the keyboard?
<fishmunster123> no, thats how i learned life is full of disappointments
#965855 +(128)- [X]
<mandrill> if minnie driver had a mini cooper and multiple midget chauffeurs...
<mandrill> many mini drivers drive minnie driver's mini
#965959 +(726)- [X]
<pawz> i use lilo :") in fact.. my first cat was called Lilo
<pawz> i would take him to the vet and they would be like "Oh, Lilo, from the Disney movie" and i would say "Oi, check his birth date. he was born years before that shitty movie. his name is short for LInux LOader"
<Stranj> And then the vet gave you a shot to calm you down?
#966109 +(85)- [X]
<Min>: Urg Vince cable has been talking about brexiteers 'erotic spasms'
<Min>: I feel a bit queasy 😕
<Yhor>: come on Vince, lets keep it clean
<Min>: I know. Let's keep erotic out of the brexit space
<Yhor>: Maybe he's trying to appeal to people that pretend to know politics and think it's like football?
<Yhor>: you pick a team and you're on that team until you die regardless of your changing opinions
<Yhor>: and must hate all the other teams.
<Min>: Ah I thought you meant full of divas, too much money in the system and secretly owned by Russian oligarchs
<Yhor>: There are days it's clear you're a lot smarter than me.
#966114 +(203)- [X]
<firefacks> cout << "hello" << endl;
<firefacks> Console.WriteLine("not much");
#966166 +(128)- [X]
<@stereo_> when we get a time machine that can look anywhere in history, i assume the first thing it'll be used for is to spy on other people's dicks
<@Dom`> I mean, why?
<@Dom`> If we wanted to spy on dicks, we could just put a camera in your mouth
#966181 +(380)- [X]
<Omega037> so, apparently in preschool class today the teacher asked the class "What are you afraid of?" and my son screamed "BLACK PEOPLE!" It took her like a minute of talking to him about it to realize that he meant shadows, he just didn't know the word.
#966182 +(502)- [X]
<FedorhaJergins> I left my job today. I couldn't work for that man after what he said to me.
<ImAndreaKitty> what did he say?
<FedorhaJergins> your fired
#966184 +(-71)- [X]
<anus> you measure from butthole to tip right
#966216 +(164)- [X]
<&Moltare> I tried teaching the twins about octothorpes
<&Moltare> I made a hash of it
<Stardrake> Keep trying. In for a penny, in for a pound, after all.
#966218 +(464)- [X]
<tehron> i have a question about the english language: are parcel and packet synonym in any way?
<sabretooth> packet is generally smaller
<sabretooth> but they can be used interchangeably even with a large packet and a small parcel :)
<tehron> hm.. :P
<tehron> i think i can't receive parcels
<sabretooth> Well if you're sending them over TCP probably not
<tehron> :P very helpful
<sabretooth> if you're sending them by UDP, UPS or Royal Mail however they'll likely be dropped anyway
#966225 +(433)- [X]
<Roosevelt> !choose do work, play games
<RoBoBo> Choice: do work
<Roosevelt> !choose listen to a stupid bot, don't listen to a stupid bot
<RoBoBo> Choice: listen to a stupid bot
#966228 +(-39)- [X]
<therocode> I don't use dumbbells because they are dumb.
<KVETCH> dumb in the sense that they don't speak
<therocode> yeah that makes me feel lonely
<KVETCH> barbells are pretty loquacious in comparison
<KVETCH> which is why so many people wear headphones to drown them out
<therocode> Scarecrow: i haven't figured out another way to get the same quality of simulation that is not super annoying to implement
<therocode> KVETCH: yeah, it's similar sounds to when you sit at a bar - hence the name
<KVETCH> and the bell is actually an abbreviation of belle, which is due to the hourglass shape of a fully loaded one
<therocode> in fact "gym" is a cheeky spelling of "jim" as a reference to "jim carrey", which is in itself a play on words: Jim Carrey -> Jim Carry. "Jim" used in the same sense as "john" in "john doe" and Carry implying lifting weights. So, basically a place where people lift
#966229 +(347)- [X]
<Jarcode> besides, emacs users are ripped
<Jarcode> you wouldn't want to mess with one
<Jarcode> the sheer strength of their fingers from reaching across their keyboard to use obscure keybindings can crush bones
#966243 +(171)- [X]
<uselessabstraction> So I was just having a conversation with my fiance about Star Wars
<uselessabstraction> particulary, about the choice of architecture
<uselessabstraction> The amount of people who die from falling down bottomless pits is TO DAMN HIGH
<uselessabstraction> like, who designs architecture like this?
<uselessabstraction> catwalks with no guard rails whatsoever, just zigging and zagging through enormous voids
<uselessabstraction> Giant holes to nowhere
<gonzobot> ・゜゜・。 ​ 。・゜゜​_ø< qu​ack!
<gonzobot> MerryPenguin you befriended a duck in 3.166 seconds! You have made friends with 17 ducks in #trees.
<MerryPenguin> It's by design
<MerryPenguin> It's a cleaner look, for a more elegant time
<uselessabstraction> like... who the fuck put this hole here???? and why????
<uselessabstraction> Darth Maul falls down a hole
<uselessabstraction> Palpatine falls down a hole
<uselessabstraction> Solo falls down a hole
<uselessabstraction> everyone falls down a hole
<uselessabstraction> Star Wars universe needs OSHA
<MerryPenguin> Luke falls down a hole
<MerryPenguin> Boba Fett falls down a hole
<uselessabstraction> yes. yes.
<uselessabstraction> I forgot about those!
<MerryPenguin> R2D2 falls down a hole in the Millenium Falcon after he fixes the hyperdrive
<MerryPenguin> we're onto something here
<uselessabstraction> Obi Wan almost falls down a hole
<MerryPenguin> C-3PO falls off the barge into the sand. Pretty close to falling down a hole.
<uselessabstraction> his lightsabre does though
* MerryPenguin thinks hard about what other Star Wars Characters fall down holes
<uselessabstraction> what if the hole is symbolic
<uselessabstraction> the hole represents the dark side
<MerryPenguin> Nah, doesn't work. Luke chooses to fall down the hole instead of joining Vader/The Dark Side
<uselessabstraction> fair point
#966262 +(352)- [X]
< duoi> how do i stop getting my puter infected with adware when downloading porn
< skas> block ads
< skas> update os and antivir
< hdqn> next!
< duoi> but how will i find out about lonely singles in my local area
< hdqn> look into every window in the neighbourhood, if they're IRCing that's your best best
< hdqn> the shorter the handle, the longer the candle, if y'know what I mean
#966357 +(97)- [X]
<Lucca> Honestly I wasn't opposed to circumcision until I had my own son, I hadn't thought much about it previously. It was swicked who was decidedly against it first and then I agreed with him
<Bryce> Well, I wouldn't get it done to _my_ son, but it just doesn't seem like a reasonable thing to have the state intervene in.
<Emerald> I think it's pretty reasonable to intervene when someone is about to permanently mutilate their kid in a way that cannot be reversed and has potentially nontrivial impacts on the rest of their life.
<Bryce> You're making a mountain out of a mohel
#966447 +(101)- [X]
<gonthey> so I'm new to irc what's a half op?
<gonthey> and why do some people have + % and @
<gonthey> as prefixes
<+Smegma_Sandwich> Well, if you are delicious, you get a +
<+Smegma_Sandwich> If you are gay, you get a %
<+Smegma_Sandwich> And if you are gay and also a meth addict, you get a @
<gonthey> check and check
<gonthey> give me an @
#966452 +(87)- [X]
<r3pwn> Pretty sure something just exploded next door
<r3pwn> but I still have power so I'm okay
<IllegalArgument> Exploding things next door tend to not be good...
<r3pwn> There's no screaming (the neighbors whose house the sound came from have like 6 kids), so I guess it's okay
<IllegalArgument> Either it was insignificant enough not to warrant screaming, or they all perished in the blast
#966453 +(90)- [X]
kirch | I told me kid about meetings this morning - he asked if they bring you meat - I said no - he said "not even a single piece of salami?"
+janitor | :D
@kirch | he was just incredulous that they were named after meat, but had no meat.
+janitor | I can see why, he's right too.
#966459 +(234)- [X]
<Voct> a guy in argentina had himself tattooed with a QR code that would show you a video of a super exciting moment in argentine football
<Voct> and then the video got taken down
<MasDestruc7ion> Now the qr code says something like, page missing, or video is unavailable, so that sucks
<BlackWing> Guy should have done Rick Roll
<Voct> his tattoo gave him up, it let him down
<BlackWing> But it will never desert him.
#966506 +(201)- [X]
<UndeadLeech> Melting the icecaps one bitcoin at a time.