#961538 +(66)- [X]
<Lauren> Uncaught TypeError: Illegal invocation
<gasp> did you try running it during full moon ?
#961647 +(77)- [X]
<Shoe> Saw the back of a semi-cab today.
<Shoe> It had the text: Jesus Never Tapped Out
<The_Purple_Bunny> No but he did get pinned.
#961650 +(52)- [X]
<DrSeuss> I am thinking about the sequel to the vat in the hat
<DrSeuss> It will have theoretical chemistry
<fourbitfox> Oh the Crystals You'll Grow?
<fourbitfox> Sounds more like the G rated version of Breaking Bad.
#961655 +(140)- [X]
<matthiaskrgr> had to have my arm amputated
<matthiaskrgr> on the other hand, I am completely fine
#961662 +(267)- [X]
<W> Tatjun needs a date
<L> The dude couldn't get a date if he polled a time server.
#961713 +(68)- [X]
<+se5a> I know a pacifist who joined the army
<+se5a> so that he had a balanced world view
<+ekolis> True Neutral alignment FTW
#961714 +(-14)- [X]
<mceel>What is the difference between a jew and a boyscout?
<Big G>Idk what?
<mceel>Boyscouts come back from camp.
<Big G>Thats a very touchy subject. My great grandpa died in a concentration camp.
<mceel>Oh I'm sorry
<Big G>He was shooting jews and fell of the guard tower.
#961718 +(116)- [X]
ivy: A man named William Reed's last living testament says that he is going to read his own will
ivy: Will Reed's will will read: "Will Reed will read Will Reed's will".
Elyse: it's his son will reed junior
Elyse: except will reed senior was so far gone with alzheimers that usually when someone's talking about will reed they're talking about his son, junior
Elyse: he isn't completely running the family business into the ground but he still longs for the times his father, the true biz-wiz, was running things better than ever
Elyse: but now those times are in the ground with his dad
Elyse: still can't believe he's gone
ivy: what the fuck elyse
#961720 +(148)- [X]
<t12> my dad wins at potrero hill community meeting aggroness
<t12> he went to one and stood up, interrupted
<t12> said heres the address of a crackhouse
<t12> if you guys dont raid it and shut it down
<t12> i'll go to it myself
<t12> they're like "those are armed dangerous people!"
<t12> he's like "i'm a combat vereran! I've killed thousands of people already"
<t12> "if you dont go clean it up you'll find youself in the weird position of protecting crackheads from me"
<t12> they did in fact shut the house down
#961741 +(34)- [X]
<jryan> Why is TheJazBand in the topic.
<TheJazBand> jryan: i had a seizure yesterday.
<jryan> How'd that go
#961762 +(78)- [X]
<AAA> Singapore is believed to have the highest prevalence of myopia in the world; up to 80% of people there have myopia
<BBB> i bet they never seen it coming
#961780 +(108)- [X]
<Haz> started my internship today
<Haz> they banged a gong no less than six times first thing in the morning after a meeting
<fwilson> yeah, that's part of agile
#961783 +(111)- [X]
<Joe> my friend told me to google kurea hasumi
<Joe> and I did
<Joe> that was a mistake
<Denwa> Don't like jav's, Joe?
<Joe> no, by mistake I mean I have 27 active torrents running now
#961801 +(63)- [X]
<retry> i miss bathing in hot springs
<retry> in japan that's something you can just do whenever you feel like it
<fuckyou> except they call it bukkake
#962108 +(161)- [X]
<Humbedooh> Roses are red, leaves are green, but only Java has AbstractSingletonProxyFactoryBean
#962113 +(119)- [X]
<@realitygaps> english - the php of spoken languages
#962153 +(106)- [X]
<Zygo> if you're not finding errors, you're not looking hard enough
<lazy_bum> Is this some kind of woman motto?
#962213 +(397)- [X]
<Chaosbreaker> "Hi, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."
<Chaosbreaker> "Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"
<Chaosbreaker> "Yes, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."
<Chaosbreaker> "OK, I will tell you a TCP joke."
<Chaosbreaker> "Are you ready to hear a TCP joke?"
<Chaosbreaker> "Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke."
<Chaosbreaker> "OK, I am about to send the TCP joke. It will last 10 seconds, has 2 characters, it does not have a setting, it ends with a punchline."
<Chaosbreaker> "OK, I am ready to get the TCP joke that will last 10 seconds, has 2 characters, does not have a setting, and ends with a punchline."
<Chaosbreaker> "I'm sorry, your connection has been timed out."
<Chaosbreaker> "Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"
#962270 +(-43)- [X]
<@peted> i get distracted by that a lot
<@peted> sometimes, actually, a lot of the time, i just get distracted by my own thoughts
< brzt> I think thats call ADHD?
<@peted> do they?
< brzt> I just said I think they do...
<@peted> and i asked do they...
<@peted> this instant replay brought to you by pepsi cola
< brzt> See above.
#962292 +(348)- [X]
<cpb> wonder if there's a strip club that needs a linux admin...
<clockwork> i was about to balk at that but then i thought about it and realized strip clubs don't have windows
#962365 +(216)- [X]
<+Skerper> I remember once in first year CS
<+Skerper> this guy asked me to tutor him
<+Skerper> was absolutely devastated that he'd gotten a 0 for his programming assignment
<+Skerper> so he shows it to me
<+Skerper> and he's literally written an essay on how to make the program
<nugyflex> what the fuck
<+Skerper> complete with stock images and references
<+Jattenalle> haha, aaw
<+Skerper> but no actual program
<+Jattenalle> poor innocent little child
<+Skerper> Never had such an "oh sweety" moment in my life
<nugyflex> how does that happen
<+Skerper> I have no fucking idea, it was the most awkward thing
<nugyflex> how can that possibly happen...
<+Skerper> I don't know how he got it into his head that that was the assignment
<+Skerper> considering it had to be handed up to an automarker
<+Skerper> that compiles it and tests output
<nugyflex> Oooo nooo
<nugyflex> tries to compile essay
#962517 +(263)- [X]
<diegov[m]> What's the name of that js programming mmo?
<zer0def> uh, github?
#962644 +(45)- [X]
<blaxthos> milo == ann coulter minus the penis
#962656 +(193)- [X]
< Dustin> I was talking to a French friend earlier. He was annoyed that English didn't have a word for a specific kind of pride like French does. I pointed out that the French having more words for pride is like the Inuits having more words for snow.
< Dustin> He didn't laugh. =[
#962685 +(112)- [X]
<omglolbah> our official template database had a digital test logic page called "DIGITEST" (from the times when we used 8.3 filenames)
<omglolbah> so my coworker needed to create one for analog test logic <.<
<omglolbah> I got to write the docs for "Template: ANALTEST"
#962689 +(67)- [X]
<Mosai> my habit of buying junk food significantly diminished when they took the self checkouts out of the nearby safeway
<Mosai> since i now have to look another human being in the face when i purchase stuff now
#962696 +(64)- [X]
<sophia_> wow look at this new type of cat named a toyger
<MaxInux> pretty cat
<MaxInux> looks like a bengal sorta
<sophia_> its totally different than a bengal apparently
<sophia_> custom bred
<MaxInux> neat still looks like a bengal :) just slightly more striped
<sophia_> ya its pretty
<jm> am I the only person who's appalled at humanity's efforts to selectively breed traits they find cute, funny, or otherwise desirable?
<blaxthos> jm: do you date ugly girls ?
#962704 +(96)- [X]
<@neonjesus> up your game, chatters. this is professional level chatting.
<@atomic> oh yeah
<@atomic> professional for sure
<@atomic> I'm being paid to chat right now
<@atomic> in fact, I probably get paid to chat more than I get paid to work
<@neonjesus> its why we all went into IT in the first place
<@neonjesus> we got on irc when we were children
<@neonjesus> and thought
<@neonjesus> i would like to chat for a living. how do i get to do that?
<@neonjesus> first, you have to look like you're busy in terminal
<@neonjesus> second, you have to be the unwatched watcher.
<@neonjesus> third, ???
<@neonjesus> so here we are.
<@neonjesus> a bunch of professional motherfuckin' chatters.
#962705 +(261)- [X]
*** Gad is now known as REGISTER.
*** REGISTER is now known as IDENTIFY.
*** IDENTIFY is now known as Gad.
<petn-randall> Gad: /msg nickserv help
<Dark-Jedi> Just wait, his nick will change to "HELP" any moment now.
*** Gad is now known as HELP.
#962712 +(1)- [X]
< EvanStone> Have u guys seen that babe on the special Olympics commercial
< EvanStone> Hnnnnng
< fred> wtf
< fred> EvanStone has a disabled person fetish
< vitro> omg
< EvanStone> What
< vitro> i almost choked to death while reading that
< EvanStone> Only her brain is fucked
< vitro> EvanStone is fucked
< EvanStone> Not her face
< EvanStone> Yo vitro is mad judgemental
< EvanStone> Like a retard can't be sexy
< EvanStone> Plz stop discriminating
#962713 +(162)- [X]
<Mcme> Just got the last skiing of the season done
<Microshrimp> I am banned from skiing
<Mcme> How does one get banned from skiing?
<Microshrimp> after the last time I tried it.... couldn't figure out how to stop and I was headed toward about 10 people who were standing in a circle talking. It was like human bowling.
#962717 +(136)- [X]
<Papa_Wa> Anyone else struggling to login?
<Udungoof> i'm struggling most of the time
<Udungoof> not necessarily with loginservers though
<Udongoof> life mostly
#962726 +(267)- [X]
<@apexthief> Okay we have taco tuesday I need other food day of the week ideas
<@AltRhombu> taco wednesday
<@AltRhombu> taco thursday
#962741 +(128)- [X]
<akrs> You know you have fallen far from the path of light when you have to read the git man pages for push
<buffalo> fallen from grace, akrs
<akrs> I'm gonna do a git push -f +[sha]:master
<buffalo> that's a dark arts spell, that is
<buffalo> such commands do not come out of love, compassion, and understanding
<buffalo> they come from malice
<buffalo> and the will to destroy
<buffalo> and chaos
#962756 +(132)- [X]
< ntc> is it possible to recover encrypted files from an ecryptfs container? i lost the passphrase
< scorbutus> ntc: you could try filing a foia request with dhs
#962787 +(142)- [X]
<RoadJoe> I put the F in spelling
<me-money-mix> i put the cum in company
<We_are_Dad> I put the fun in funeral
<GNAustin> I put the myself in killing myself
#962802 +(351)- [X]
<tttb> Why did the programmer quit his job?
<tttb> because he didn't get arrays
#962811 +(72)- [X]
shadoxx: ...I have 17 terminal windows open right now.
bai: r u a h4x0r??
bai: dang just don't hack me ok
shadoxx: You could be infosec bai. Ur pretty good
shadoxx: I was going to hack you, but then you appealed to my humanity.
bai: social engineered af
#962826 +(215)- [X]
<ednos> technically, I'm not pedantic
#962842 +(57)- [X]
<empirebuilder1> i got this burn on my middle finger
<empirebuilder1> real bad one, like 3rd degree shit
<empirebuilder1> and it looks kinda nasty from all the dead skin flaking off
<kin101> empirebuilder1: tmi pls
<empirebuilder1> but now i can flip someone off
<empirebuilder1> and say "sick burn bro"
<kin101> why must you do this to me
#962844 +(139)- [X]
<fppe> The worst thing about a prostate exam is when he finds out you're not a real doctor.
#962889 +(68)- [X]
<fppe> hello there girl
<fppe> what happened to your vowels
<LordCow> cost saving
<drbngrl> what vowels
<fppe> she had a vowel movement
<drbngrl> what are yoll talking about
#962894 +(-10)- [X]
<MCRanchDepressing> "This sweet ass sed line should do the business"
#962919 +(151)- [X]
<leo60228> vim is even better
<leo60228> but i honestly don't know how to open a new tab in it
<Pixl> we have reached peak hipster
#962920 +(255)- [X]
<Ilikehorses> dude... how do u play this game?
<Xenocideophile> it's a chat room for programmers
<Ilikehorses> i know THAT
<Xenocideophile> then you're good to go
<Ilikehorses> no no no how do I make a game
<Xenocideophile> Depends what language you want to use to start off with
#962960 +(-85)- [X]
SKoertig: I am trapped in a Bank of America please send help
SKoertig: They do not have a bathroom
SKoertig: I may die in this place.
Artilicer: they let me use their bathroom
Artilicer: last time when I was bleeding from the mouth thanks to wisdom teeth removal
SKoertig: I think they literally have no toilet.
Artilicer: do they use the mouths of their customers or
SKoertig: These are accountants. I am fairly certain they do not poop.
SKoertig: Their buttholes are purely recreational in purpose.
Artilicer: how convenient
SKoertig: Please poop in my buttholehhfuffjrqqow
SKoertig: Sorry one of the tellers stole my phone for a second
Reuben Sandwich: fyi, the bathroom is not in the safe
SKoertig: I escaped. No prison can hold me
#962961 +(-239)- [X]
<scoob> so, question for you geezers
<scoob> gotta be in NY in a suit tomorrow. ok, fine. Flying out tomorrow.
<scoob> I can wear the suit on the plane and go straight, or I can pack it and change
<scoob> both seem shitty
<unclefat> are you flying in the animal hold ?
<scoob> the finest economy delta has to offer
<unclefat> can get you a gold medallion for $500
<unclefat> good odds on getting upgraded to a class that lets you hang your coat and doesn't fly you with some fatty's elbow up your asshole
<unclefat> also, for suit-wearing times i make them fly me in the night before and scrip a hotel room
<scoob> yeah, this is personal travel
<scoob> and just came in from elsewhere tonight
<scoob> didn't get to go direct from place to place
<unclefat> so where would you change ?
<scoob> friends place
<scoob> someone's hotel room
<scoob> that part is squared away
<unclefat> then i'd bring the suit
<unclefat> and fly like the animal you are
<scoob> all day erry day
<unclefat> go get shorn and whatnot at your boy's barn
#962974 +(19)- [X]
< froggey> which is another dependency, and another place for people to fuck up and send me bug reports
< aejsmith> solution: don't get users
< aejsmith> they're all terrible, so just avoid that problem by not having anyone use your software
< froggey> I'm trying! I'm building the weirdest and most useless possible software and yet people still want to use it
< froggey> I don't understand it at all
#962978 +(-14)- [X]
On a sunny summer eve
< Jan-> I really need to write up a readme on this to explain exactly what it's required to do.
< Jan-> Every time I bring it up, I go through this same conversation.
< Emil> Jan-: have you entertained the thought
< Emil> that
< Emil> you might be wrong?
< Emil> If everytime you bring it up people tell you are wrong
< Emil> Have you even considered the alternative?
< Jan-> Sure. But then I've reexamined the situation, and realised that no, I'm right, it's just that you don't understand my use case.
A few minutes later
< Jan-> bear in mind I've explained this about a billion times and it always ends like this.
< Jan-> it's getting really bloody tiresome.
< Emil> it ends with people not wanting to hear your shit anymore
< Jan-> I'm not an idiot, I have thought about this, I understand the problem.
#962982 +(54)- [X]
RageOmega: my gf's father yelled at me when he found out i took her virginity, i told him it wouldnt happen again and he let me off the hook