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#954118 +(165)- [X]

<Bushman> heh, those voice commands in mobile phones...
<Bushman> say "text *contact_name* message *message_text*"
<Bushman> or "email *contact_name* subject *message_subject* message *message_text*"
<Bushman> what if... just what if... the guy's name is Mr.Message or Mr.Subject?
<Bushman> :D
<Bushman> facebook.com/john.message.9
<Bushman> facebook.com/john.subject

#954127 +(573)- [X]

<er0s> if i was a porn director, i'd randomly cut to eye contact with the male actor
<er0s> to freak out whoever is watching
<er0s> maybe have him smile slightly too

#954147 +(503)- [X]

Fatthew Mupples: i imagine a large part of romanian and chinese cultures revolves around typing ssh root@random.ip

#954153 +(195)- [X]

<Silent> I see that many designers are using Macs to draw. I was wondering what's wring with Windows and Linux, and that's why I asked.
<G-Money> Silent
<G-Money> mac's are for creative people
<G-Money> if we use non-macs, we lose our creativity
<G-Money> its part of owning a mac
<Silent> In what sense?
<G-Money> are a you a man of god Silent?
<G-Money> in the biblical tale with samson and delilah
<G-Money> samson loses his power when delilah, who was a whore btw, cut his hair
<G-Money> its somewhat like a mac

#954155 +(244)- [X]

<Ishimura> woah
<Ishimura> finger is apparently functional cross-platform
<SilentPenguin> yeah, users understand the finger irrespective of the operating system they are using

#954159 +(215)- [X]

Blade: "it was extremely unusual and we really wanted to find out why this thing had - what we call - burst"
Blade: please explain this obscure phenomenon known as burst
Blade: to the laypeople like myself
Blade: i don't understand this parlance
Blade: technical jargon isn't my forte
Blade: scientific lingo baffles me

#954171 +(265)- [X]

<Cob|afk>: fellows
<Cob|afk>: let's chill
<Cob|afk>: and be friends
<jasper>: why
<Cob|afk>: because i'll fucking stab you if you don't

#954174 +(271)- [X]

<+Zuu> i think i want to stop doing college and become a mechanic
<@bazl> i forbid it
<+Zuu> why
<@bazl> because every word in that sentence was spelled correctly

#954177 +(369)- [X]

ND: My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed.

#954186 +(612)- [X]

<@i_c-Y> i had a nightmare yesterday that i bought 3 licenses of norton antivirus

#954190 +(492)- [X]

<Prometheus> Are you made of Copper and Tellurium
<Prometheus> because youre CuTe
<Cruel> Are you made of holmium and molybdenum

#954191 +(218)- [X]

<aubnorch> how was I unaware of usb onaholes until now
<aubnorch> you plug them in to your computer and load up profiles of your favorite 2d waifus and they -change-
<flesy> are u trying to fuck a  usb port

#954192 +(339)- [X]

<%rundata> man my wifes read that 50 shades of grey
<Karnaksbitch> Aw god ur al makin me cringe
<%rundata> she was like "have you heard of fisting?"
<%rundata> ive seen women shoulder deep in other women

#954195 +(174)- [X]

<LeelooMinai> Hmm, that Ian guy from Dangerous Prototypes is kind of weird...
<IanWizard-Cloud> LeelooMinai: hmm?
<LeelooMinai> E, right... well... my cat wrote that - nm:p

#954197 +(433)- [X]

<DJMonty> Shit
<DJMonty> Just fell over holding my guitar, and accidentally played every song One Direction have ever written

#954201 +(323)- [X]

<danh> interviewing a fat guy
<danh> do we hire him
<pbuckley> does he have a beard?
<danh> nope
<pbuckley> then no

#954214 +(228)- [X]

<bitchcunt> for the love of god, kathleen, he doesn't care about your hair! and if he does, maybe he should be going out with your brother.

#954218 +(226)- [X]

<Koel> imagine a mother dick feeding a whole nest of chirping baby dicks

#954232 +(752)- [X]

<saylan> I just set up port forwards to defense.gov
<saylan> anyone scanning me now will be scanning/attacking the DoD :D
<renderbod> O.o
<bolt> that's... not exactly how port forwarding works
<saylan> ?

#954314 +(287)- [X]

<@Saturn> how are you?
< Bronysith> fine, cuddling luna plushie
< Bronysith> you?
<@Saturn> friend of mine died
<@Saturn> and eating pie
< Bronysith> oh fuck
<@Unnr> Saturn: *huuuug*
< Bronysith> Saturn: well im here for you if you need me
<@Saturn> i appreciate your concern, but the pie's not *that* bad

#954315 +(420)- [X]

<@LAMMJohnson> I suspect Star Trek Into Darkness will be good but not great.
<@LAMMJohnson> My reasoning for this is thus                    
<@LAMMJohnson> Perfect score because all of its words have a length that is a power of 2.
<@LAMMJohnson> Minus one point because total letters is not a power of two.
<@LAMMJohnson> Not even including spaces.
<@LAMMJohnson> However, the letters in all of the words plus the number of words is 24.
<@LAMMJohnson> Overall score for the movie: 8.5                            
<~chown> LAMMJohnson - Vice Executive of the Autism Department      
<@LAMMJohnson> The score, correctly, is a power of two marred with an ugly fraction.
<@LAMMJohnson> Although the fraction is 1/2
<@LAMMJohnson> Actually, the overall fraction is 17/20 which I pretty much hate.
<@LAMMJohnson> Which means I will initially think the movie is OK but then later change my mind and hate it.
<~chown> LAMMJohnson - Honourable Chairman of the Autism Empire

#954321 +(329)- [X]

<Watcher7> Want to eat stuff off my chest?
<space> erm
<space> is it hair

#954425 +(1291)- [X]

C:UsersNetham45>tracert -h 100 216.81.59.173

Tracing route to FIN [216.81.59.173]
over a maximum of 100 hops:

  1    <1 ms    <1 ms    <1 ms  -snip-
  2    26 ms    52 ms    28 ms  -snip-
  3    14 ms    33 ms    49 ms  -snip-
  4    18 ms    22 ms    22 ms  -snip-
  5    19 ms    23 ms    22 ms  -snip-
  6    27 ms    30 ms    30 ms  -snip-
  7    31 ms    31 ms    34 ms  -snip-
  8    26 ms    27 ms    30 ms  75.149.231.30
  9    46 ms    66 ms    66 ms  xe-1-2-0.atl11.ip4.tinet.net [89.149.181.117]
10     *       49 ms    49 ms  epik-networks-gw.ip4.tinet.net [77.67.69.158]
11    61 ms    59 ms    63 ms  po0-3.dsr2.atl.epikip.net [216.81.59.2]
12     *        *        *     Request timed out.
13   101 ms   118 ms   102 ms  Episode.IV [206.214.251.1]
14   101 ms   101 ms   102 ms  A.NEW.HOPE [206.214.251.6]
15    99 ms    99 ms    99 ms  It.is.a.period.of.civil.war [206.214.251.9]
16   102 ms   136 ms   117 ms  Rebel.spaceships [206.214.251.14]
17   116 ms    98 ms    95 ms  striking.from.a.hidden.base [206.214.251.17]
18   101 ms   115 ms    99 ms  have.won.their.first.victory [206.214.251.22]
19    99 ms    99 ms   100 ms  against.the.evil.Galactic.Empire [206.214.251.25]
20   118 ms    98 ms   100 ms  During.the.battle [206.214.251.30]
21   117 ms   101 ms   102 ms  Rebel.spies.managed [206.214.251.33]
22    99 ms   117 ms    94 ms  to.steal.secret.plans [206.214.251.38]
23   100 ms    96 ms   101 ms  to.the.Empires.ultimate.weapon [206.214.251.41]
24   103 ms   101 ms   105 ms  the.DEATH.STAR [206.214.251.46]
25    99 ms   100 ms    96 ms  an.armored.space.station [206.214.251.49]
26   120 ms   102 ms    98 ms  with.enough.power.to [206.214.251.54]
27    98 ms    98 ms   118 ms  destroy.an.entire.planet [206.214.251.57]
28    98 ms    97 ms   101 ms  Pursued.by.the.Empires [206.214.251.62]
29   101 ms   105 ms   117 ms  sinister.agents [206.214.251.65]
30   100 ms   100 ms   100 ms  Princess.Leia.races.home [206.214.251.70]
31   104 ms   101 ms   102 ms  aboard.her.starship [206.214.251.73]
32   105 ms   102 ms   103 ms  custodian.of.the.stolen.plans [206.214.251.78]
33   100 ms   100 ms   103 ms  that.can.save.her [206.214.251.81]
34   100 ms   106 ms   139 ms  people.and.restore [206.214.251.86]
35   100 ms   121 ms   102 ms  freedom.to.the.galaxy [206.214.251.89]
36    99 ms   101 ms    98 ms  0-------------------0 [206.214.251.94]
37   104 ms   118 ms   101 ms  0------------------0 [206.214.251.97]
38   100 ms    99 ms    99 ms  0-----------------0 [206.214.251.102]
39   102 ms   100 ms    97 ms  0----------------0 [206.214.251.105]
40   105 ms   118 ms   123 ms  0---------------0 [206.214.251.110]
41   100 ms   105 ms    98 ms  0--------------0 [206.214.251.113]
42   109 ms   115 ms   113 ms  0-------------0 [206.214.251.118]
43   161 ms   155 ms   154 ms  0------------0 [206.214.251.121]
44   114 ms    98 ms   112 ms  0-----------0 [206.214.251.126]
45   101 ms   124 ms   105 ms  0----------0 [206.214.251.129]
46    98 ms   143 ms   117 ms  0---------0 [206.214.251.134]
47   102 ms    97 ms   105 ms  0--------0 [206.214.251.137]
48   101 ms   101 ms   140 ms  0-------0 [206.214.251.142]
49   104 ms   107 ms   103 ms  0------0 [206.214.251.145]
50   102 ms   103 ms   104 ms  0-----0 [206.214.251.150]
51  1067 ms   100 ms   100 ms  0----0 [206.214.251.153]
52   100 ms   101 ms   104 ms  0---0 [206.214.251.158]
53   104 ms   101 ms   101 ms  0--0 [206.214.251.161]
54   108 ms   104 ms    99 ms  0-0 [206.214.251.166]
55   102 ms   101 ms   106 ms  00 [206.214.251.169]
56   106 ms   105 ms   104 ms  I [206.214.251.174]
57   102 ms   123 ms   105 ms  By.Ryan.Werber [206.214.251.177]
58   117 ms   103 ms   111 ms  When.CCIEs.Get.Bored [206.214.251.182]
59   107 ms   103 ms   105 ms  read.more.at.beaglenetworks.net [206.214.251.185]
60   105 ms   122 ms   101 ms  FIN [216.81.59.173]

Trace complete.

#954477 +(-794)- [X]

fr0gman: my ex gf is blowing up my phooine
fr0gman: and sent me emails
fr0gman: and is trying to call me from a blocked number lol
fr0gman: AT LEAST I FEEL WANTED THIS VALENTINE'S
oldmadtom: she wants the d
fr0gman: ya
fr0gman: i should be like "Happy Valentine's ay... you'll get the D later"

#954582 +(1263)- [X]

<G-ZeuZ> When two people kiss, they create a tube with an asshole at each end.
<wufei> put that in your online dating profile
<wufei> you'll stand out

#954654 +(1649)- [X]

<jude> First they came for the verbs, and I said nothing because verbing weirds language. Then they arrival for the nouns, and I speech nothing because I no verbs.

#954760 +(1847)- [X]

<LogicalThought> Having a girls head on your chest is one of the best feelings ever
<The_Opinion> Especially when it's still attached.

#954863 +(565)- [X]

<SirWolfgang> i just paid $85 for a hoodie...
<tetsu> but it lasts for a decade right
<tetsu> youll be 30 before you need to buy another hoodie
<tetsu> and by then youll be an adult and just buy a coat

#954866 +(465)- [X]

** You are now chatting in #fantendo
<Corbeb>: i've just realized that we talk about porn here more than we talk about fantendo
<Corbeb>: lol
<NoontimeYoshi>: whats a fantendo
<Hemu>: fantendo?

#954911 +(521)- [X]

<Number6> Ducks have corkscrew shaped penises
* rsynnott hopes the people who made the Flintstones were unaware of this

#954924 +(547)- [X]

<RedMachineD> whoops
<RedMachineD> just submitted homework with a bad typo
<RedMachineD> talking about the way people use words
<RedMachineD> and hate speech and sluts and shit
<RedMachineD> and i accidentally typed in
<RedMachineD> "hateful coonotations"
<RedMachineD> :|
<RedMachineD> gonna be hearing from my professor about this one

#954927 +(187)- [X]

<chainsoar> fox news special: computer terrorists blow up several internets
<chainsoar> at least 45% of the network of tubes is damaged beyond repair
<Jill_Stihl> They are trying to hack your freedom!
<chainsoar> FACT: hackers can break into the CIA mainframe and actually _download your freedom_

#961099 +(310)- [X]

<Nichole> my sister is giving birth on thursday. Drug baby. Apparently CPS is going to contact me to take him.
<Azalea> Ahhhhhhhh
<keith> what kind of drugs?
<keith> a baby full of drugs could be worth something
<Nichole> heroin, Oxy, meth
<Nichole> mostly heroin
<keith> expensive baby!
<blaxthos> so... your sister will be free this weekend?
<Nichole> yep have at it
<assfetish> i got this mental image of a baby shaped pinata full of drugs being broken at some wall street party
<Nichole> she's in prison
<Nichole> she makes me feel very normal
<latras> you are very normal ;)
<keith> shes still getting heroin, oxy and meth in prison?
<blaxthos> is she imprisoned because of baby ?
<keith> yeah id say your pretty normal
<Nichole> keith: she's on methadone now
<blaxthos> i think having babies should be a crime
<keith> procreating is definitely a crime
<Nichole> she's imprisoned because she broke parole, child endangerment (from first daughter), and drug related charges, and being on the run
<Azalea> That is a shitty situation
<assfetish> are you gonna take the baby?
<Nichole> i dont know
<keith> azalea needs another kid i hear
<assfetish> i have a friend who wants a kid real bad
<blaxthos> if you are on irc and you can't figure out how to unload a kid, you're doing it wrong


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