#948683 +(596)- [X]
<Yokujou`> iPhone autocorrect: Because "Asperger's Cock" is exactly what you were trying to convey.
#948693 +(563)- [X]
<mrfun> speaking of max, i boned a duck
<hamumu> are you sure you're speaking of max?
<mrfun> took most of yesterday to bone and do two anims, geez
<mrfun> but he's limping around in torque
<hamumu> this is sounding worse every sentence
#948884 +(1799)- [X]
<&Siyo> i successfully stopped a print job once
<&Siyo> AM I GOD?
#949197 +(5030)- [X]
<blaxthos> you want bash.org should participate in the SOPA blackout protest on 18 January ? (+) for yes
#949214 +(852)- [X]
<azonenberg> wordpress is an unauthenticated remote shell that, as a useful side feature, also contains a blog
#949335 +(185)- [X]
<M07w> you haven't been on the internet until you've seen a disembodied breast wearing a pair of panties
#949412 +(857)- [X]
<Kerrija> On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
#949439 +(1214)- [X]
lemonlimeskull: Newt Gingrich or Mitt Romney to take on Barack Obama.
lemonlimeskull: We have to stop letting George Lucas name our Politicians.
#949486 +(432)- [X]
<Me> the nigerian prince scam is old
<Me> today you do it like this:
<Me> hi, im an arabic dictator, and i have to get my vast fortune outside the country soon
#949560 +(2438)- [X]
<lrvick> i just found a usb magstrip reader
<lrvick> i never knew i had
<lrvick> i wonder if it works like a keyboard...
<lrvick> %B4744740232448132^VICK/LANCE R^1506101000000000087800878000000?;4744740232258132=15061010000000000878?
<lrvick> apparently it does
<Science> What did we just read?
<lrvick> no comment
<Science> CC info, gotcha
<ThantiK> you swiped a VISA...
<ThantiK> 4744 is VISA start code for credit cards.
<ThantiK> A bank of america one, specifically.
<ThantiK> Might wanna change that now, lol - all of us probably have IRC logging turned on. You just threw your debit card info into all of our machines.
<Science> WELL NO ONE WOULD HAVE KNOWN IF YOU HADN'T SAID IT MAN
#949621 +(2837)- [X]
Rachel: I'm board.
Jeff: I'm chalk, we should get together.
Rachel: BOARD! Like I don't have anything to do, not BORD, like a chalkbord. Learn to spellcheck.
Jeff: Oh god I hope you don't breed.
#949643 +(1073)- [X]
<hafiz> I NEED ZEND EXPERT!!!!!!!!!!!
<zomg> <blink>that so</blink>
<DASPRiD> <marquee>what for?</marquee>
<zomg> <font size="1337">Please ask your question on the channel, not in my PM</font>
<zomg> I really, really hope his irc client actually displays html
#949797 +(1137)- [X]
<@cougem> at 4am this morning i got a call from another hospital saying they were sending in a patient with a hole in their aorta
<@cougem> which as emergencies go is about 1 level below 'his head has fallen off'
#949802 +(330)- [X]
<hq1> i promised myself not to touch java EVER in my life again, i'd rather drive a taxi
#949924 +(-65)- [X]
<Grimhound> You know. You'd think that the human body, being the product of millions of years of evolution, would eventually learn to dull pain when it becomes a chronic thing.
<ryzorg> that seems true
<@AndrewPH> that would be counter productive
#949959 +(3326)- [X]
<DevXen> Today I was at the store and saw a Darth Vader action figure that said "Choking Hazard." It was great.
#950581 +(1638)- [X]
< Ergo^> Six Stages of Debugging
< Ergo^> 1. That can't happen.
< Ergo^> 2. That doesn't happen on my machine.
< Ergo^> 3. That shouldn't happen.
< Ergo^> 4. Why does that happen?
< Ergo^> 5. Oh, I see.
< Ergo^> 6. How did that ever work?
< MatthewWilkes> 7. svn blame
< miniwark> 8. one day we will write tests
#950832 +(586)- [X]
<benjameno> how do i catch autism
<benjameno> i've tried speaking esperanto and using free open source software but it doesn't seem to be working
#950879 +(279)- [X]
* Andaith has changed topic for #warble to: "Drought in the UK means: It's still raining, but not as much as we'd like."
#950902 +(785)- [X]
<TrailMix> Sorry Santorum, you have to carry your dead presidential campaign to full term.
#950920 +(1148)- [X]
<Uprising> I just want to work somewhere that actually counts
<jamesstanley> try the office for national statistics
#950944 +(714)- [X]
<Toba> i like my coffee like i like my women: earthy, french, and on my desk at work
<nightshroud> But be careful or you may end up with burning pain on your lap area.
#950977 +(954)- [X]
<hextasy> so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
#951001 +(1296)- [X]
<@Kropotkin> I hate looting corpses for anything other than an upgrade. I usually just loot the gold and small items... just feels more realistic to do that than strip someone naked all the time. I mean, this is Skyrim, not Baltimore.
#951040 +(232)- [X]
<mjew1> new speakers showed up
<mjew1> gotta figure out how im gonna wire them up
<bunni> you put + in to +, and - in to -
<mjew1> i know that
<bunni> dont mix them up, otherwise the audio would be backwards
<mjew1> fuck you
#951043 +(-103)- [X]
< pthreads> dude, I haven't even had a fucking oven for a year
< pthreads> we move in 2 weeks to a place that has an oven finally
<@sakuramboo> but, you live in germany
<@sakuramboo> after WW2, ovens are hard to find
#951096 +(302)- [X]
<izi_> I like my servers like I like my women. monochrome and text only.
#951217 +(398)- [X]
<i_c-Y> im not just hard. im np hard, baby.
#951260 +(592)- [X]
<mgodzilla> I was a r&d micro electronics engineer tech. in my youth.
* mgodzilla designed this dc to dc power supply they put on a satellite
* mgodzilla sent the satellite into orbit and lost contact w/ it
<Elephark> at least it was powered
<mgodzilla> they said it was mostly likely due to a power issue.
<mgodzilla> I was like - what are you lookin' at me for?!?
#951292 +(-41)- [X]
xGrill: SQL is like the chess of the programming world
#951317 +(945)- [X]
<ram> I got into an interesting discussion with my roommate yesterday about Quantum Romneyism
<ram> Romney holds a superposition of all political opinions until you observe him, then they collapse based on the audience.
#951402 +(735)- [X]
*** bluntonio is now known as bluntplane
<bluntplane> i have the worst goddamn neighbor on this plane
<bluntplane> dude keeps scratching his fungus-infected foot and shit
<bluntplane> and his balls
<bluntplane> and then touches his face
<bluntplane> has his legs crossed so his shoeless-foot is dangerously close to my leg (wearing shorts)
<bluntplane> i'm about to tell him if his foot touches me again we're going to have a problem
<bluntplane> in civil disobedience protest i am attempting to fart a lot
<bluntplane> he is so fucking nasty
<bluntplane> i want to stab him in the throat
<bluntplane> a lot
<bluntplane> as in, i both want a lot to stab him in the throat
<bluntplane> and i would like to stab him in the throat a lot
<bluntplane> i would also be okay if he died of aids
<bluntplane> or anything else other than a plane crash
<bluntplane> but most especially by a stab to the throat
<bluntplane> oh and he is now picking his nose
<bluntplane> oh fuck me
<bluntplane> here is the crown jewel
<bluntplane> dude just went into the bathroom in his socks
<bluntplane> THIS NASTY MOTHERFUCKER
<bluntplane> I HOPE YOU DIE
<bluntplane> i would piss in this guy's face if i could
<bluntplane> i would piss in his wife
<bluntplane> YEA KEEP PICKING THAT FUCKER AND WIPING ON YOUR PANTS
<bluntplane> MAYBE YOU WILL FIND SOME SHAME UP IN THERE
<bluntplane> if i murder this fuck, will you guys kick in for bail ?
<bluntplane> also, is "he needed killing" a valid defense ?
<bluntplane> and finally, if I murder him on the plane while in the air, what state has jurisdiction ?
*** Signoff: bluntplane (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
<nordberg> so.. is bluntonio in jail?
<nordberg> cause... I'll totally chip for bail
#951697 +(763)- [X]
<m0bi_work> what is the "care for the comfort of a dying person" called
<Chaosbreaker> Microsoft terminal service
#951798 +(644)- [X]
<LocalDescriptorTable> Hey Russia I just met you and this is crazy but our space agency is broke launch our shit maybe?
#952942 +(777)- [X]
<dr2chase> As I said to someone else, back when the Lite-Brite Mooninites panicked the Boston Police, the first rule of making a bomb, is to not make it look like a bomb.
<dr2chase> That's why IEDs get buried, stuffed into dead dogs, what have you. Around here, if you wanted to hide a bomb in plain sight, you'd stick it in a crumpled Dunkin Donuts bag.
<anony> Isn't a Dunkin Donuts bag the first place a cop would look?
#952943 +(581)- [X]
* dagdamor psychs himself up to play "which cable goes where" and "why is this cable routed like this?" ahead of a switch stack replacement
<dagdamor> deja vu etc
<evil_steve> you can generally tell if it's important.
<evil_steve> either a) all the phone start ringing at once, or b) all the phones go silent at once
#952948 +(960)- [X]
<gmaxwell> 1960: "I have a great idea! lets have every person in the country carry a radio tracking beacon!" "That'll never fly!" 2012: "I can has TWO iphones??"
#952951 +(1066)- [X]
<zalzane> I wonder how long it will end up taking for all this pony shit to blow over
<Mutagene> too long
<pkmnBlue> 2 years
<zalzane> sailor moon took like 10 years
<zalzane> and every once in awhile I still hear fags harp about sailor moon
<pkmnBlue> SAILOR MOON IS AWESOME
<Mutagene> sailor moon was good though :(
<pkmnBlue> Kuraitou: SAILOR MOON
<zalzane> oh my fucking god
#952952 +(1020)- [X]
< CoJaBo> Update: The object seen landing near Gale Crater on MSD 49,269 at around 05:50:16 AMT local time has been conclusively identified by the Martian Space Agency to be a weather balloon. Due to possible radioactive contamination, Mars citizens are forbidden to approach Gale Crater until further notice.
#953085 +(-62)- [X]
<swarthy15> I'm sweating like Gary Glitter in Mothercare
#953150 +(61)- [X]
<rad_ed> NOOOOOO i didn't want to do that no no no no
<rad_ed> i added honey boo boo to my google news section
<rad_ed> no no no no how do i undo
#953205 +(225)- [X]
*** valinhorn has joined #oregoons
<coyo7e> Immediately, she realizes that Christian Grey is not some ancient forty-year old dude, practically crumbling to dust atop his icy blonde empire, but a very hot young man:
<coyo7e> So young - and attractive, very attractive. He's tall, dressed in a fine gray suit, white shirt, and black tie with unruly dark copper colored hair and intense, bright gray eyes that regard me shrewdly.
<coyo7e> That... is one hell of a tie. I'm going to have to ask someone, please, look into the kindness and the goodness of your soul and photoshop me a picture of a black tie with Robert Pattinson's hair and eyes stuck on it, gazing at me shrewdly.
*** valinhorn left #oregoons 
#953373 +(397)- [X]
(~roopurt) there is an article on the washington post "why is the arab world so easily offended"
(~roopurt) i think it might offend the arab world
(~roopurt) but really
(~roopurt) one person puts up a youtube video and they riot and kill
(~roopurt) the rest of world didnt come after canada after justin biebers last video
#953413 +(4259)- [X]
<%wgluv2hunt> I was in a bar Saturday night, and had a few drinks.
<%wgluv2hunt> I noticed two large women by the bar. They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"
<%wgluv2hunt> One of them screamed, "It's Wales you idiot!"
<%wgluv2hunt> So, I immediately apologized and said, "Sorry, are you two whales from Ireland?"
<%wgluv2hunt> That's all I remember.
#953518 +(2417)- [X]
<No_One> Damn my land mine collection is gone.
<No_One> Also so is my shed
<No_One> That's gonna be fun in the morning
15 minutes later.
<No_One> Fuck afk police pulled in
<Dwarf> have fun
10 minutes later.
<No_One> Someone broke into my shed
<No_One> They won't do that again
3 hours later.
<No_One> Can I be charged with criminal negligence even if the said deceased person used bolt cutters to access something that killed them?
<noregister> I doubt it
#954127 +(185)- [X]
<er0s> if i was a porn director, i'd randomly cut to eye contact with the male actor
<er0s> to freak out whoever is watching
<er0s> maybe have him smile slightly too
#954147 +(163)- [X]
Fatthew Mupples: i imagine a large part of romanian and chinese cultures revolves around typing ssh email@example.com
#954232 +(262)- [X]
<saylan> I just set up port forwards to defense.gov
<saylan> anyone scanning me now will be scanning/attacking the DoD :D
<bolt> that's... not exactly how port forwarding works
#954314 +(34)- [X]
<@Saturn> how are you?
< Bronysith> fine, cuddling luna plushie
< Bronysith> you?
<@Saturn> friend of mine died
<@Saturn> and eating pie
< Bronysith> oh fuck
<@Unnr> Saturn: *huuuug*
< Bronysith> Saturn: well im here for you if you need me
<@Saturn> i appreciate your concern, but the pie's not *that* bad
#954315 +(127)- [X]
<@LAMMJohnson> I suspect Star Trek Into Darkness will be good but not great.
<@LAMMJohnson> My reasoning for this is thus
<@LAMMJohnson> Perfect score because all of its words have a length that is a power of 2.
<@LAMMJohnson> Minus one point because total letters is not a power of two.
<@LAMMJohnson> Not even including spaces.
<@LAMMJohnson> However, the letters in all of the words plus the number of words is 24.
<@LAMMJohnson> Overall score for the movie: 8.5
<~chown> LAMMJohnson - Vice Executive of the Autism Department
<@LAMMJohnson> The score, correctly, is a power of two marred with an ugly fraction.
<@LAMMJohnson> Although the fraction is 1/2
<@LAMMJohnson> Actually, the overall fraction is 17/20 which I pretty much hate.
<@LAMMJohnson> Which means I will initially think the movie is OK but then later change my mind and hate it.
<~chown> LAMMJohnson - Honourable Chairman of the Autism Empire