#764412 +(843)- [X]
<air>I think i'm addicted to DDR
<air>I need a twelve step program
#764658 +(-226)- [X]
<thanatos> you know...the word emos sounds like some kind of a cereal
<ka0tix> It does.
<thanatos> eating emos for breakfast
<Blaze> A razor in every bite
<ka0tix> "Emos. Now with free razor blades."
#764724 +(707)- [X]
<mi09>this spam generator is great. i sent out a million emails for my product
<jives_>how'd it go?
<mi09>great! i gat a 10% return rate
<jives>thats really high!
<mi09>yeah. a hundred thousand people telling me to fuck off
#764876 +(7914)- [X]
Curt teh Juggler: our graduation ceremony was today, and right when some gamer nerd got his diploma, someone in the audience played the zelda "get item" music and he did the zelda spin-hold-out-item stance
Curt teh Juggler: it was quite possibly the most amazing thing ever.
#764878 +(276)- [X]
<fugi> 64 bytes from 18.104.22.168: icmp_seq=0 ttl=115 time=69.422 ms
<fugi> 64 bytes from 22.214.171.124: icmp_seq=0 DUP! ttl=115 time=69.887 ms
<fugi> 64 bytes from 126.96.36.199: icmp_seq=0 DUP! ttl=115 time=86.464 ms
<fugi> microsoft.com sends duplicates..
<fugi> it like they got bored of making new security holes so they just brought back some old ones
#765199 +(700)- [X]
<_Nor> some bird's applied for my dba team leader role
<_Nor> as her interests she lists "Motorsport, reading (Science Fiction, Science) and playing racing games on PS2/PC
<_Nor> I think she's got confused and was actually applying to be my wife
#765266 +(1210)- [X]
<Scully> Yeah, so far for me "national guard" has meant taking hikes and standing around during demonstrations.
<Scully> I'm not a rent-a-cop dammit
<nightwatch> yah, still better than being in iraq tho
<Scully> i know, my cousin got killed there 2 years ago :(
<jonm> howd that happen
<Scully> his humvee got hit by an RPG
<jonm> dude im bein serious
<jonm> how the fuck can a roleplaying game destroy a humvee
#765367 +(-218)- [X]
(08:57:00 PM) Nick: If I had could anyone as a Street Fighter character, it'd be Stephen Hawking.
(08:57:31 PM) Nick: You know his special move would be...his wheelchar would fly up in the air and then slam down into the other guy like a meteor or something.
#765549 +(28)- [X]
<%crazy_clown> php is like teh pron
<Keef> quick, dirty and cheap?
<%crazy_clown> and i fap over it
#765569 +(38)- [X]
Jmnky127: i found a way to make money
Jmnky127: at school
Jmnky127: people will give me dollars to light my nipples on fire with axe
Jmnky127: or other peoples nipples while they are asleep
Jmnky127: ive made some good money doin that
Jmnky127: like $10
Jmnky127: ive been able to eat a good lunch
#765639 +(913)- [X]
<CragHack>Theory is when you know everything and nothing works.
<CragHack>Practice is when things work, and noone knows why.
<CragHack>Here we combine theory and practice.
<CragHack>Nothing works and noone knows why.
<Bs> O.o lol'd.
#765649 +(1516)- [X]
<+pf_work> what's the opposite of <3?
#765666 +(260)- [X]
<Sky> The only genders on the internet are Smart, Stupid, and Retard.
#765717 +(347)- [X]
<DirkGently> IBO's about to turn into a OS war zone.
<iDno> no because...watch this
<iDno> Im going to do something that NO mac user is capable of doing.
* iDno drops it.
#765730 +(1009)- [X]
<Cell>: i heard tupac was hung like a horse
<Kleptomaniac>: Tupac was shot, he wasn't hung. Read the news sometime.
#765910 +(530)- [X]
cthulhudream: come on Ben theres gotta be something we can do
||AB|| Benzin: alright I got an idea
||AB|| Benzin: I'm gonna need a pound of rohypnol, a keg, and directions to the nearest sorority house
||AB|| Benzin: and an alibi
||AB|| Benzin: cause they'll trace that shit when 30 girls don't remember what happened or why their pregnant, and all that
cthulhudream: I kinda wanna make larping weapons
||AB|| Benzin: and on the other end of the spectrum...
#765967 +(436)- [X]
barfcat: So if you used subnetting on a network with Mac's, would that be considered Apple CIDR?
#765978 +(509)- [X]
<Alwayz> linux is like the inlaw that shows up for christmas and no one knows why he's there, but he cooks amazing food
<Cyriana> and molests your children
#766024 +(-124)- [X]
<martin rockwell> life is like a vending machine, mate
<martin rockwell> you either have everything you want
<martin rockwell> or you're stuck in it like your fucking change
#766026 +(977)- [X]
<Taris> also, this I must share. It comes right out of my physics text book
* Ssithl prepares for brainmelt.
<Taris> A hockey puck, mass 0.115kg, moving at 35 m/s, strikes an octopus thrown onto the ice by a fan. The octopus has a mass of 0.265 kg. The puck and octopus slide off together. Find the velocity.
<Taris> yeah, this is one that the authors put in for those students that stay up late trying to do these
#766028 +(-82)- [X]
<surge[dd]> I'm Iraqi
<surge[dd]> I'll put a bomb in your mailbox
<tenks> I don't drop bombs
<tenks> I drop tanks
<Thrasher`work> yeah septic tanks
<Thrasher`work> cuz you're full of shit
#766094 +(895)- [X]
<Niva> I bet whoever invented Jello did so because he had a lot of friends who did acid, and really wanted to fuck with them.
<Niva> "Hey, Matt, pour me a glass of water."
<Niva> "Sure man, I- HOLY SHIT!"
<Andolph> And just to tease them, they stuck all kinds of stuff like doll heads and legs inside the jello
<Niva> Dude, this water isn't pouring?
<Niva> "What are you talking about? You're getting it all over the floor!" "IT'S STILL IN THE PITCHER, MAN!!!"
#766098 +(775)- [X]
<@gotti> you know you go to a bar too much when quicken suggests it as a scheduled transaction
#766211 +(1071)- [X]
<nemovc>i once found the text strings stored in the bios of my old 286. not far from the standard "Keyboard error, press F1 to continue." message was "CPU not found. System halted."
<nemovc>i always wondered how they intended to display that message
#766242 +(-280)- [X]
(bing0):I'm IRC user, short and stout
(bing0):Here is my keyboard, i have loud mouth
(bing0):I like to complain everything i read about
(bing0):Except because ban, i will never logout.
#766300 +(1077)- [X]
<Sivvy> No, the next friday the 13th is in... July.
<Elmer> O rly? When?
<Sivvy> On the 13th, dipshit.
#766450 +(722)- [X]
<Spurty> so, I learnt a lesson this morning
<Spurty> choose politicially correct passwords for systems
<Spurty> this _was_ my security password for test work here
<Spurty> and there was a bug in the code, so it was spewing my password into logs on servers all over the place
<Spurty> meh, embaressment factor 11 out of 10
<Spurty> ttfn, I have jism to clean
#766749 +(1416)- [X]
<James> i didn't know this sort of thing really happened, but the other day i came home from school early and walked in on my mom having sex with a ups guy.
<morningbell>What did you do?
<James> i hate my dad so i ordered a bunch of shit from the internet that will be delivered by ups. :)
#766825 +(1197)- [X]
<kuhbaert> Yoda: The other side is dark.. very dark.
<kuhbaert> Obiwan: Quit whining and eat your toast already
#767016 +(791)- [X]
Park: oh god
Park: was hanging out with a couple of my friends who are like between the ages of 13-17
Park: and one of them got ahold of my wallet
Park: Well, long story short, one of my condoms is now a giraffe balloon animal
#767033 +(1366)- [X]
<@Nickle1776> So my sister has a life-saving tool in her car made to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.
<@Nickle1776> And guess what?
<@Nickle1776> She keeps it in the trunk.
#767044 +(1318)- [X]
<vaguepant> This woman is immensely full of shit.
<vaguepant> "The damage that can be done to children by seeing a woman's breast in public is not that far off from the damage that can be done ...
<vaguepant> "to children who engage in sexual activities with adults."
<Wikidan829> oh no!! not titties!!
<Wikidan829> that's absolutely insane
<EdBoy> vaguepant: what the FUCK?
<vaguepant> If the damage is that minor, I'm gonna start fucking kids right now
#767138 +(608)- [X]
<TraumaPony> I am pissed off.
<TraumaPony> My university's motto is "A university for the REAL world."
<TraumaPony> And so they start off a game programming degree with six months of LISP.
#767215 +(2576)- [X]
<ahref> BETRAYED BY MY PHONE
<ahref> I was at school, and this hot girl started talking to me
<ahref> And she was all like "Hey, you're not as geeky as I thought you were"
<ahref> And I'm like "Yeah, I know. I'm actually not geeky at all."
<ahref> And then my phone starts ringing
<ahref> And it's the FF7 victory theme
#767355 +(828)- [X]
lemonlimeskull: Check it out. Just had a million dollar idea.
lemonlimeskull: I buy up a bunch of gumball machines and put them in the mall. Hot Topic, coffee shops, etc.
lemonlimeskull: And I fill them with Emo/Goth kid prizes!!
lemonlimeskull: Razors, little folded up sonnets, clip-on lip rings, stuff like that.
lemonlimeskull: Some capsules would be filled with tears. Others would be totally empty.
CrimsonJudas: As empty as the depths of my wilted, blackened soul...?
lemonlimeskull: Ideally, yes.
#767530 +(434)- [X]
<snowchyld> This weekend I downloaded 1984 (movie) via a torrent
<snowchyld> this morning I got a mail in the post, 'Dear Sir,
noticed you were downloading the torret (url)'
<snowchyld> I'm so going to a 'reeducation center' after this ;;
<ivan`> the DMCA letter-senders have already won
#767546 +(2131)- [X]
<_static_> I had a dream last night I got fired because my cat called someone a nigger
#767620 +(-335)- [X]
CarlXxX: the power was out when I got home
CarlXxX: so I was like "wtf am I gonna DO!?"
CarlXxX: I sat down..
CarlXxX: cut my nails
CarlXxX: played with my cat
CarlXxX: jerked it
CarlXxX: and slept
#767887 +(-19)- [X]
<IAmAhab> i put those heads on easter island
<IAmAhab> it was a joke that went too far
#767958 +(1463)- [X]
<Maniaman> so lets say i have a date
<Andares> Who's the lucky girl?
<Maniaman> if that date occurs between 2 dates in a single row in a database
#768015 +(780)- [X]
<air0day> im not fucking burning crosses in the lawns of gender benders
<air0day> im talking about who i want to and don't want to have sex with
<air0day> i think i should be allowed to have pretty specific opinions on where i'd like to put my penis
<devnulled> like in a bowl of m&m's for instance
<air0day> a bowl of m&ms is just fine
#768024 +(929)- [X]
<rabbit> rimming is freaking distgusting
<rabbit> i tried it once with my ex
<rabbit> and she farted in my mouth
<rabbit> and i puked on her ass
<rabbit> never again
#768078 +(1601)- [X]
<Jay> Did you hear about the Linux-car finishing last in the indy500?
<MrBeek> I did now ;-)
<MrBeek> Not surprised though... You know how impossible it is to find a decent driver for linux hardware?
#768122 +(3171)- [X]
<dez> lol got some hot lesbian thinking im one
<g0dly1> heh, same, actually, just sent her a pic of my ex
<dez> is your sceenname josihawt190?
<dez> oh shit
<g0dly1> we never speak of this to anyone
#768158 +(709)- [X]
<Zed> I have a friend getting a degree in liberal arts
<Zed> for those of you who don't know what liberal arts are
<Zed> its okay, neither does he
#768167 +(617)- [X]
<dakidski> DrtySOUTH: think the pig on the www.monsterpig.com website is real?
<DrtySOUTH> It is.
<DrtySOUTH> Been verified, here at least.
<dakidski> what a beast
<rockorc1> wonder what loot it dropped ;)
<DrtySOUTH> rockorc1: you're such a MMORPG nerd.
<DrtySOUTH> It dropped a Dale Earnhardt Amulet of Hickdom
<DrtySOUTH> +25 to Hillbilly and Trailer Park skills.
<DrtySOUTH> 75% resistance to Highschool Education element.
#768275 +(662)- [X]
<Ryaltar> You know you're experiencing a humiliating moment when your girlfriend tells you that you need an aimbot in bed.. >Sigh<
#768322 +(1128)- [X]
<gangstagurl> u wanna fuck with me then lets take it to the streets u little hore u woludnt last two seconds
<comfort> nor would you, in a library
#768397 +(1111)- [X]
< crschmidt> No software is bug free
< FrankW> #/bin/sh
< FrankW> echo "Hello World"
< FrankW> That's pretty bug free.
< crschmidt> FrankW: you missed a !
#768409 +(3696)- [X]
<Scotty> Oh my fucking God. I just spent the best 20 dollars of my life. On a bet, anyway.
<Scotty> After school, me and my friends went to the drug store.
<Scotty> And my friend brought a box of condoms to the counter.
<Scotty> And she scanned them.
<Scotty> And he acted like he didn't have enough money.
<Scotty> He was like, "Shit, I'll be right back."
<Scotty> So he puts the condoms back, and comes back with a bag of rubber bands in one hand and a box of plastic wrap in the other.
<Scotty> Oh my fucking God
<Scotty> Until the day I die
<Scotty> I will never forget that lady's face.
<Scotty> Best bet I've ever lost.