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#760053 +(209)- [X]

Xrevolution: :)
Xrevolution: thats the look on his face
leninadelawl: no its more like
leninadelawl: =)
leninadelawl: pwned
Xrevolution: your use of "pwned" is about as vague and inaccurate as my mom calling anyone with hair other than a buzzcut a "punk"
Xrevolution: in other words, stfu

#760106 +(291)- [X]

<Bear> it's why it [LandRover Series 3] rattles on the motorway
<Locandez> Like a skeleton masturbating in a filing cabinet

#760180 +(375)- [X]

Trex: I like my women like I like my cars!
Prometheus: Expensive?
Dromiceiomimus: Foreign?
Epi: Um... revved up?
Crow: Fast?
Brex: low-maintenance with a wide tailpipe?
Dromiceiomimus: Freshly waxed, with a GPS tracking system?
Lorn: Trex, this is insanely sexist! Besides, I like my women like I like my databases.
Trex: Managable?
Lorn: Corrupted!
Trex: ...
Trex: No fucking comment.

#760182 +(146)- [X]

<+walken> Vlad, if you were a piece of software
<+walken> which one would you be?
<+shiwan> walken: Hmm. ICBM control software, so that I could blow millions of men at once?

#760204 +(1711)- [X]

<thefwf> I just realised soemthing while watching spongebob with my mates
<thefwf> They were like "wtf, how come the food stays on the plate underwater"
<thefwf> and I was like

#760210 +(750)- [X]

<Narcogen> "I rented that guy's ass for an hour last night."
<Dom> ...
* Dom takes that out of context
<Narcogen> You can't take it out of context
<Dom> watch me.
<Narcogen> it's a flat-out reference to gay sex
<Dom> ...you son of a bitch.

#760257 +(341)- [X]

<Kortney> Actually, Linux users and atheists have a lot in common. At least, in my mind. There's no higher power (or help desk) to appeal to when stuff goes south, you've analyzed every component of the universe (because you compiled it), and you're fiercely evangelical while bashing evangelicals. :)

#760353 +(558)- [X]

HughDario: Man, so one of my Jewish friends the other day told me he doesn't believe in the moon landing.
HughDario: So I told him that I don't believe in the Holocaust and he dropped the subject.

#760500 +(51)- [X]

Chadwick:  bash is like community college, it's all the class clowns and complete idiots

#760655 +(364)- [X]

<siq> so I was taking a shit in the engineering building today...
<siq> and there was some force equation written on the wall.
<siq> below it someone wrote "who studies fluids on the pooper?"
<siq> below that someone replied "someone with diarrhea"

#760666 +(511)- [X]

SouLTaKeR2023: wanna hear something funny/entertaining?
MacaroniFeets: always
SouLTaKeR2023: ok well I was watching this excellent flick
SouLTaKeR2023: entitled "A girl takes two loads in the mouth, then swollows it"
SouLTaKeR2023: anyways
SouLTaKeR2023: here is why I love porn bloopers
SouLTaKeR2023: two guys
SouLTaKeR2023: done fucking this redhead
SouLTaKeR2023: they stand on either side of her
SouLTaKeR2023: ready to do whats mentioned in the title
SouLTaKeR2023: the guy does his thing and puts his cock on the side of her mouth, aiming at the opposite cheek
MacaroniFeets: oh god
SouLTaKeR2023: but when he fires....he hits the other guys cock
MacaroniFeets: OH SICK
SouLTaKeR2023: and there is this
SouLTaKeR2023: long silence
SouLTaKeR2023: and this is the entertaining part
SouLTaKeR2023: you hear the other guy mumble "goddamn, not again"
SouLTaKeR2023: take 3 anyone?
MacaroniFeets: dude
MacaroniFeets: send me that video

#760787 +(342)- [X]

<dweez> f33dback, opinions are like assholes
<f33dback> so if you don't have one you're full of shit?

#760798 +(-229)- [X]

<+TrailMix> don't bugs always have wings?
<+Inca> centipede?
<@rowsdower`> centipedes do not have wings
<@rowsdower`> thank god
<@rowsdower`> i would just shoot myself if they did
<+Jack> jesus

#760806 +(1414)- [X]

<[18s]> i accidentally went to 'bach.org' instead of bash
<[18s]> and i found some sweet tunes.

#760869 +(190)- [X]

<Randy`> took duey 2 hours to complete the vista cycle
<Randy`> from 'I'm going to install vista' to 'vista ftl'

#761092 +(517)- [X]

[Wex] Before IRC I could masturbate to the word boobs.
[Wex] Now I need /at least/ German bondage.
[Wex] I hate you all.

#761380 +(325)- [X]

<pmMike> getting onto bash is like breaking into a tank
<Sea_BBL> although nopt quite as satisfactorry when you have pulled it off.
<Sea_BBL> -bad spelling
<Erasmus> To be honest if you spend a lot of time trying to do either you've made a wrong turn in life somewhere.

#761414 +(7843)- [X]

SergioThree: there's other fish in the sea, man, she's just a girl
Beatsfromkorea: no dude, that's bullshit.
Beatsfromkorea: Think of it this way. if your precious copy of street fighter third strike broke and i told you "it's ok man, there's other games in the sea. here, play mortal kombat instead" what would you say? you'd be like, "fuck that, gimme third strike."
SergioThree: ...
SergioThree: you just reached me on a level that i never thought possible

#761444 +(463)- [X]

<ChrisTheKiwi> Roses are red
<ChrisTheKiwi> Violets are blue
<ChrisTheKiwi> Im way to drunk
<ChrisTheKiwi> To have sex with you
<ChrisTheKiwi> So forgive me my dear
<ChrisTheKiwi> I must go spewjhgfknhguiaaqwjhilhih
<Ater> What THE hell?
<Socko> 0_o

#761518 +(2378)- [X]

cag  URL  tara: When I was in high school, the school board decided that the biology students had to pay for the fetal pigs that were being dissected. After the course was done, my friend Amy demanded that she be allowed to take the pig, since she had paid for it. There was some WTF from the school, but she got her pig. That weekend, she and her brother dressed the pig up in some baby clothes and a blanket, drove down the street and lit a smoke bomb in the car. They were passing a couple walking down the street when Amy leaned out of the car and yelled "Save my baby" and tossed the pig at the couple. They were doing about 50 mph so she missed the couple. The baby/pig hit the sidewalk, skidded along the concrete, shedding parts and limbs before it impacted a mailbox.
She said she had never seen such a horrified look in her life.

#761773 +(368)- [X]

<ManInBlack> I swear to god, the next person to submit a "best typo ever" quote is going to get garrotted with a cat5 cable. We get it, you suck at typing.

#761842 +(1279)- [X]

<bofh> slugbug uh
<bofh> One time I passed this person driving
<bofh> One hand holding a cup of coffee
<bofh> the other hand holding her cellphone to her ear
<bofh> No hands on the keyboard.
<bofh> She wound up trying to merge INTO us.
<tgies> they call it a "steering wheel" I think

#761845 +(425)- [X]

(@Da_Wrecka) Vista is something that Satan looks at and goes "FUCK, why didn't I think of that?"

#761868 +(329)- [X]

<@Rakzor> I hate gravity, it's always keepin me down.

#761884 +(2554)- [X]

<classyhorse23>  I had to google "jfgi" to see what it meant. The irony is overwhelming.

#762169 +(1625)- [X]

SynAdam: whats harder than nailing a baby to a wall?
Kato: ...what?
SynAdam: my dick while im doing it
Kato: ....
SynAdam: get it?
Kato: what in the FUCK is wrong with you?!

#762328 +(1143)- [X]

<thou> yeah he isn't really that hrd..
<thou> *hard
<arak0n> lern sum grammer u fuckin noob
<thou> damn if I were you, I wouldn't be worrying about other people's grammar.
<arak0n> it jus annois me when all them fukin noobs cum in here, an u cant unerstand anytin they r sayin. it make me wana just leve the channel
* thou has left #wii (me too man. me too.)

#762388 +(1836)- [X]

<Chrysalid^Revenge> I had something like that happen to me once.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> And vengeance is a plate best served cold.
* Sectoid^Authopsy sits down for storytime
<Chrysalid^Revenge> I saw some asshole stealing my pack of cigarettes from my table while I was getting another beer.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> But of course, as I confronted him, he denied it flatly, and all the sudden four of his mates were getting ready for a fight and shit.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> So I decided to back down, and rather get one over him later.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> Of course, living in an army camp has it's advantages, such as easy access to ammo.
<Sectoid^Authopsy> o_0
<Chrysalid^Revenge> So I took two Winner Tip cartridges, a little bit of tobacco, and quite a generous amount of gunpowder from a blank I 'obtained', topping it off with tobacco to get a proper look.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> Next weekend, I leave my pack containing two cigs rather indiscreetly at my table when I see this assholes is at the pub, and go to pick up another beer.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> When I come back, the pack has vanished. So I get hold of one of the bouncers, telling him that I saw someone carrying "what looked like fireworks around".
<Chrysalid^Revenge> Ten seconds later, there's some nasty fizzing, a lot of smoke and a huge fucking flame coming from one of the corner tables, and seconds later, the same thing happens in the hand of one of the guys sitting there.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> And at this point, it has to be mentioned that watching two bouncers pull a screaming guy with no eyebrows left, and a nasty burn up half his face out of a pub, 'accidentally' drop him down the stairs, and finally call the cops on him, does lead to a certain smugness.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> The morale is, don't you ever fucking touch my cigarettes. I can probably spare you one if you ask, but fucking ask first, okay?!

#762565 +(-581)- [X]

Erik: when did anakin skywalker become evil?
Melissa: when?!
Erik: in the sith grade!

#762628 +(680)- [X]

<kow|wk> so
<kow|wk> worth noting
<kow|wk> running "reboot -h" does NOT produce a helpful usage message

#762681 +(690)- [X]

dmwit: You know, my first year at college they gave me a whistle.
dmwit: They told me it was a rape whistle.
dmwit: But no matter how hard I blew, I never got raped. =(

#762742 +(1085)- [X]

<godlys0ldier> How can i know what a $rand number is gonna be
<Spitfire3292> ...Thats gotta be the fuckin stupidest thing i've heard all day

#762870 +(626)- [X]

<ZaXorZ> if you get glitter on you, be prepared to have it on you forever.
<ZaXorZ> Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies

#762890 +(691)- [X]

<Nangijala>   activists in copenhagen have really figured it out this time
<Carrots>   whats going on now?
<Nangijala>   now instead of throwing rocks and rioting
<Nangijala>   they have climbed up in a tower
<Nangijala>   and will jump out if the politicians doesn't listen to them
<Astral\afk>   :D
<Nangijala>   now there's a problem that solves itself if i've ever seen one

#762910 +(734)- [X]

<Dave> Question: Is it "right" to stop registered sex offenders from registering on social networking sites?
<highvoltage> Dave: where do you register to become a sex offender?
* Vhata falls off his chair laughing
<Dave> highvoltage: at your local school...
<MrKen> Dave: No, that's where they hold the auditions

#762975 +(550)- [X]

<patchinko> jerry falwell's dead
<darsu> a-who?
<lynkali> :o
<lynkali> really?
<patchinko> he died like >3 hours ago
<Cthulhu> umm, you misread that part jon
<Cthulhu> "School official said Falwell was fine at breakfast"
<Prakk> they ate his corpse?

#763087 +(508)- [X]

<ganked> Did the doctor give you your test results?
<ct> Yeah. Looks like all those years of phone sex caught up with me.
<ct> I have hearing AIDS.

#763160 +(1616)- [X]

<Will T. Rex> So, at the pub last saturday
<Will T. Rex> Really bogan pub, with pool and AC/DC on the TV jukebox, at 3am in the morning... my nerdy friend says very loudly "NEED MOAR BEER!"
<Will T. Rex> with emphasis on the 'moaaar', because we are nerds
<Will T. Rex> ... and out of nowhere, some random dude screams "WE ARE ANNONYMOUS, WE ARE LEGION"
<Will T. Rex> Fucking terrifying

#763307 +(837)- [X]

<j0e> when i want to download music i look up what the band thinks about filesharing
<j0e> if they're okay with it, i download the song
<j0e> if they're against it, i download the song out of spite
<UriGeller> what if they haven't said anything on filesharing
<j0e> that's what i call a tacit endorsement

#763355 +(361)- [X]

Torodung (31985): You can't write code or design software that will secure "stupid." [..] If those folks were using an abacus, they'd probably get their head stuck in it.

#763637 +(598)- [X]

<Fraeon> I have found an awesome reason to become emo
<Fraeon> You can celebrate all those days you weren't born instead of that one day you were

#763669 +(363)- [X]

<c> I'm just not that creative at naming.  I name my computers after dead guys who argued a lot.
<DrAppleseed> Is your next one going to be named Falwell?
<c> Somehow, I don't think it would get along with Turing.

#763772 +(349)- [X]

<+AdamR> bahahahahahah just got a reply from zen about that gateway being named "gay-dsl1"
<Er00`> Oh?
<+AdamR> Hi Adam, All of our DSL gateways are named after renowned philosophers, in this case Gay is named for John Gay, see the below website for more information; http://www.philosophypages.com/dy/g.htm
<TheDon> rofl
<+AdamR> notice how there isnt a picture of him on that site
<Er00`> Hehe
<+AdamR> thats the best fucking techincal support response i've ever had

#763869 +(1767)- [X]

<nOmAd93-8> oh, I've lost a ke.-button on m. ke.board... which is after "x" and before "z"!!
<68-bbb> there aren't any keys between z and x, dumbass

#763963 +(3132)- [X]

<ez76> a mac vs. pc commercial you'll never see: "Whatcha doin, PC?"  "I'm playing this new game."  "Oh really, which one?"  "Any."  "Oh."  (silence) (fade)

#764036 +(539)- [X]

< ameyer> citalim: you argue like O'Reilly
<+citalim> i have a theory that bill o'reilly doesn't believe a word he says
<+citalim> i think he's just trolling on a much larger scale
<+citalim> i look up to him

#764093 +(367)- [X]

<SketchCow> I've been asked to shut down 7 servers, all of them roughly 10 years old.
<SketchCow> I've been making them play taps before turning off permanently.

#764110 +(350)- [X]

Muri> "Does it count as crossplay if Im a man, cosplaying a man, who dresses as a woman?"
Dephemait> no... but it's STILL gay

#764140 +(567)- [X]

<Primo> If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

#764292 +(1393)- [X]

Magna Carta: Being in Alexa's top 1000 says a lot for any site...
Motley: Related: In walmart today, it was pretty packed
Motley: and my nephew (11) is going to get some icees, he gets ready to turn left out of electronics
Motley: and he goes 'dude, what flavor?'
Motley: I shouted 'MOAR MUDKIPS' (aka blue)
Motley: Then this is what I hear..
Motley: Far left: 'KILL IT WITH FIRE!'
Motley: Far right: 'NO U'
Motley: Behind: 'DO NOT WANT'
Motley: and then god bless 'em, the guy standing *right* next to me goes 'shut the fuck up btards!"
Magna Carta: ...
Magna Carta: You live in EKY?
Motley: ...yeah
Magna Carta: OSHIT

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