#756353 +(1986)- [X]
<knightmare> sixtho I challenge you to IRC DDR!
<sixtho> ummm ok
<knightmare> + ddrbot start 10
<DDRBot> Game Started!
<DDRBot> knightmare wins!
<sixtho> where the shit is the down arrow
#756448 +(812)- [X]
<@Longcat> Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
<Edible> Thrown out of Windo-
* Edible goes to cry.
#756534 +(1107)- [X]
<AlexMax> holy hell
<AlexMax> i just spent 3 hours working on what's essentially the equivalent of "if then"
<bioXar|K0Li0> AlexMax, i kno i guy who had an exam. the question was "what is bravery?".
<bioXar|K0Li0> he had 4 hours for that exam
<bioXar|K0Li0> he sat 4 hours without writing anything
<bioXar|K0Li0> and in the last minute he wrote
<bioXar|K0Li0> "THIS IS BRAVERY"
<bioXar|K0Li0> and got an A
#756642 +(1598)- [X]
<SaxxonPike> I turned in a paper today
<SaxxonPike> and just now realized the title said "American Herpes"
<SaxxonPike> instead of "American Heroes"
#756658 +(426)- [X]
<RustyBridge> does the NotePad ever run out
#756661 +(483)- [X]
<MrKurtz> I intend to get tattooed and/or pierced again in costa rica
<MrKurtz> in keeping with tradition
<JBlitzen\AG> What better to do in the third world then experiment with needles
#756664 +(5)- [X]
walshy117: im afraid of the internet pr0n
walshy117: its like
walshy117: i was playing around the stove
walshy117: and i got burned
walshy117: now i dont fucking go in the kitchen anymore
walshy117: not saying i was literally beating off in the kitchen of course
#756693 +(-82)- [X]
* ChanServ sets mode: +l 32
* mentalinc has quit IRC (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
* JP has quit IRC (ETG-Hub.EnterTheGame.Com NewZealand.EnterTheGame.Com)
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<hoppers99_> bugger for them
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#756715 +(437)- [X]
SpleeGuy: i'm bored
SuperSu: ok let me do something
SuperSu signed off
#756741 +(350)- [X]
epilnivek: I don't know what time i'll be there... i've got a date with ashley and her Wii
epilnivek: that sounds horrible
parabolo: yes it does
epilnivek: but I really do mean the nintendo
#756762 +(2698)- [X]
The Fishchaser: we should tell the japaneese we found a planet full of giant tentacle monsters and their females are somehow little school girls
The Fishchaser: we'll be going faster than the speed of light in a week
#756793 +(-13)- [X]
<tigrow> if u think its getting to hot masterman
<tigrow> put water on it
<tigrow> use icewater
<tigrow> they need that the first 2 hours or so
<Crimpy> dont forget to jam knives into the back while you do it
<Sacred_> you guys are mean
<Sacred_> yer gonna fuck his box up
<Sacred_> use olive oil
#756797 +(709)- [X]
<Ralf> programmers and old people have a lot in common.
<Ralf> we're both always looking for ways to control leaks.
<Ralf> and dumps.
#757049 +(622)- [X]
<Tarnagh> You know why the Clean Air Act was first established?
<Tarnagh> So the people in Colorado could see the mountains
<Tarnagh> and so people in California could see each other
#757065 +(510)- [X]
* TRWBW was taught god doesn't play dice with the universe. not after that drunken night with the devil where he lost classical mechanics in a game of craps.
#757181 +(1122)- [X]
<knightmare> wasn't expecting the 'what makes you stick out from other candidates' in a phone interview
<knightmare> I don't think 'I have an afro' was a good answer
#757207 +(733)- [X]
<iank> I accidentally type valid perl when I'm angry.
#757250 +(617)- [X]
(Deranged): If you're driving a hearse with a corpse in the back, is it ok to use the carpool lane on the highway?
#757252 +(680)- [X]
<SlyBoy> Your momma's so fat, I had to integrate her by parts.
#757584 +(566)- [X]
<BethOOC> If it were my dad, he'd be making jokes about being hard-headed.
<BethOOC> After they amputated his toe he joked about having to learn to count in base 19
<Rach> Your dad is a dork...
#757644 +(855)- [X]
Zoolig: I've had enough of weak, indecisive people.
Shoe: I think I have too.
#757657 +(978)- [X]
<recursive> If being an idiot was illegal, it would probably be easier to keep the criminals outside the jails and use them as fortresses.
#757679 +(1314)- [X]
<Bob The Plumber>: Some people had a day of silence at our school to raise awareness for something today.
<El Chupacabra>: What were they raising awareness for?
<Bob The Plumber>: I dunno, they wouldn't tell me
#757724 +(2577)- [X]
<CtrlAltDestroy> Here is my impression of Wikipedia.
<CtrlAltDestroy> "There are five fingers on the human hand "
#757871 +(449)- [X]
cmk314: i said Civil engineers have the biggest erections
cmk314: Some other guy said mechEs make weapons, civEs make targets
cmk314: and at the exact moment i realized i need to get out of engineering.
#757896 +(704)- [X]
<Joby-> so i moved into this new neighborhood right
<Joby-> and like
<Joby-> i rode my bike right
<Joby-> and i saw these 2 hot girls
<Joby-> and they saw me and they waved at me
<Joby-> but then i crashed into a parked car :<
<Mkoll> Real ladies man, arn't you?
#757929 +(-104)- [X]
<SgtBallard> There was this kid back in Junior High that asked our group about how to Masturbate. Well Saint there and I decided to play a joke on him. We told him that the key to jacking it was the firestarter method
<Uberm4cht> fire starter?
<SaintAlvus> Thats when you take your dick in both hands, and rub opposite directions quickly as if you are rubbing a stick to start a fire. Ballard though told the little prick to flick the tip when his dick became numb.
<SgtBallard> Yep, Kid comes back the next week and tells us that he did it until he started bleeding but he never came. That will make me laugh till the day I die.
#758032 +(7312)- [X]
dftpnkezln: For all of you reporting a score more than 100 as you iq lol @ you. How can you possibly score more than 100%?
dftpnkezln:I'm very happy with my score of 89.
#758379 +(10295)- [X]
< Alkivar> we're on our way back from partying in NYC over the weekend ... it was like sunday afternoon we're headed back west
< Alkivar> we're cruisin... maybe 130-140mph
< Alkivar> flew past a trooper on the side of the road
< Alkivar> trooper lights up ... siren blasting ... chasing us down the highway
< Alkivar> we're both like should we stop ... there's no way he can catch up to us
< Alkivar> we decided to be good and stop
< Alkivar> cop catches up to us ... comes out gun drawn ... pissed as hell
< Alkivar> walks up to the side of the car and goes
< Alkivar> "SON CAN I SEE YOUR PILOT'S LICENSE"
< Alkivar> Jason pulls out his fucking pilot's license
< Alkivar> cop's jaw hits the fucking ground
< Alkivar> most stunned face I've ever fucking seen
< Alkivar> in this practically a whimper goes "get the fuck out of here"
< Alkivar> no ticket... too embarassed apparently
< Alkivar> I'll never forget that day long as I live
< Alkivar> I was sure we were goin to jail
#758565 +(524)- [X]
Cataclaw: "You are on day 2135 of your evaluation period"
Cataclaw: o sorry paint shop pro
Cataclaw: mind if i use it one more day?
Tinactin: Were I to ever release a bit of software and have the nerve to charge to "activate" it, I'd have those messages become ruder and ruder as the use progressed past the trial period.
Tinactin: Until, "You motherfucking cunt, why not just pay for the fucking software already? Jesus fucking Christ, what do you think, I coded this shit out of the goodness of my fucking heart? Bullshit, you've been using this shit for a fucking year already, and I haven't gotten a single fucking thank you, let alone a goddamn cent for it. Fuck you, you worthless, mooching son of a bitch. Fuck you. [Activate] [Continue Unregistered]"
#758669 +(248)- [X]
<sharquedo> I'm a zombie, braiiinnnssssss
<DemonHeart> I'm homeless, chaaannnggeeeee
#758854 +(616)- [X]
Hawkins030: Why are people in 90 degree weather so white?
Hawkins030: Because the tan of 90 degrees doesn't exist.
#758872 +(157)- [X]
<Emmie> Dilt, remember: Life takes VISA, but Death runs on Linux.
<Dilt> no wonder death can't be escaped
#758893 +(88)- [X]
phractured: why did the emo prostitute make a good carpenter?
phractured: because she knew how to cut and screw!
#759102 +(1446)- [X]
smack: get that .45
NOFX: looks nice
smack: it's the nicest gun i have ever shot/owned
NOFX: wtf 7 rounds
smack: it's a .45 man
smack: if you need more than 7 .45 rounds, you either can't shoot, or are in WAY over your head
#759239 +(290)- [X]
<@dagger> did you hear the one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?
<@dagger> he stayed up all night wondering if there was a god
<@dagger> er, dog
#759242 +(54)- [X]
< xxxt> Hi, how do I join this IRC takeover group? CHANFIX has mad skills
< xxxt> i dont even know how he does it
< xxxt> ;-)
#759323 +(262)- [X]
<Bane|Gone> that's ok...i had a dream once that a friend came over in the morning and was stabbing me in the nutsack. then i woke up and it turned out that a spring in my mattress had broken and was poking through.
#759367 +(1022)- [X]
Coff:We should bring rain ponchoes back. Problem Solved.
Cyg:New Problem: I don't want to look like a homeless wizard.
#759408 +(679)- [X]
<@Berryful> The typing is strong in this one
<@Berryful> but i fear he has fallen to the dvorak side
#759646 +(255)- [X]
[ + [Adam] ]: MAN
[ + [Adam] ]: I want an arab inflatable sex doll
[ + [Adam] ]: they blow themSELVES up
#759722 +(591)- [X]
thisismykittyx: so i went into victoria's secret and asked one of the bra-fitting ladies if they carried AAs.
thisismykittyx: and the lady goes, "try radioshack".
#759747 +(91)- [X]
<cinco`de`mayo> Are Mexicans really baptized in bean dip?
<cinco`de`mayo> Yes, but only because Jesus once said, Blessed are the refried, for they shall inherit the southwest United States.
#759758 +(1948)- [X]
dantose: Do u get a trophy 4 it????
rocker576: It occurs to me that typing "u" instead of "you" and "4" instead of "for" saved you 4 (not "for") keystrokes. Typing "????" instead of "?" used 3 keystrokes plus the use of the shift button for a total of 4 keystrokes. Thus, you have saved no effort whatsoever by kicking the English language.
#759772 +(293)- [X]
Informatik: My final iMac price ended up at $3,752
Motley: the hell did you add? a used car?
#759821 +(239)- [X]
<Greystripe> one day, i'm gonna own my own company
<Greystripe> and it's gonna get big
<Greystripe> and i'll be like bill gates, but less of an arse
<Greystripe> and i'll be all rich and famous
<Greystripe> but i'll still come in here
<Greystripe> and i'll be like "hey guys, did you see me on the news?"
<Greystripe> because, let's face it, i'm never gonna have a social life
#759858 +(1342)- [X]
<KaiserPanda> spiderman, spiderman, does whatever a spider can
<KaiserPanda> clings to walls, licks his balls
<KaiserPanda> but not at the same time or else he faaaaalls!
#759906 +(852)- [X]
<jeet> u guys are dumb... i like shemale porn its like regular porn but with more boobs
<vrunt> uhh... okay
<LainWave> jeet: putting the xy back in sexy
#759974 +(183)- [X]
<mranostay> I have this dream of hiring a hooker, and when she asks what I want done, one word "Cronjob".
#760002 +(834)- [X]
*Anony-X has joined #mac*
<Emoxin> sometimes when im masturbating i look at pictures of dogs. not dogs having sex or anything, just dogs. like chasing frisbees and shit. just the way they move and their bark gets me so hot. i can fit 3 more fingers in my pussy when theres a dog around.
<Anony-X> mac users, i swear to god...
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