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#747191 +(136)- [X]

DeathDread26: Ever consider lifting a lawnmower up and using it like a weapon against a horde of people?
NiNj4 4Ss4SsiN: no
DeathDread26: oh
DeathDread26: so... i am the only one?
NiNj4 4Ss4SsiN: lol i guess
DeathDread26: damn.  know any good psychologists?

#747233 +(810)- [X]

<D4> Want to hear my idea for a Star Wars porno?
<Jolyon> Only if Han shoots first

#747235 +(2920)- [X]

<mav> I've always wanted to change my legal name to ;DROP DATABASE; and see what kind of havoc ensues...

#747246 +(1632)- [X]

<nyetwerk> why is it that they always make the stupidest person on a project team be the leader?
<DocRadium> what are you in charge of now?

#747447 +(70)- [X]

Archpo: Ok, I’m stealing that.
Drmn: haha
*** Auto-response from Archpo: rm * /dev/bladder; cat /dev/fridge | grep food
Drmn: trouble with that is remembering to treat /dev/fridge as a FIFO and not a block device
Drmn: *contemplates 3 day old pizza vs. 2 day old indian food*

#747531 +(1857)- [X]

<muse06> you ever think god gets stoned?
<humphrey> have you ever seen a platypus?

#747877 +(735)- [X]

Maybe_Factor: C++ doesn't have a compiler, it has a complainer.

#748074 +(2141)- [X]

<Fuzion> research has shown that men are less likely to attempt suicide, but more likely to succeed.
<Kadaj>  it's because they tend to use guns, while women use things like sleeping pills.
<Fuzion> that just pisses me off.
<Fuzion> the last thing you are ever going to do... would it kill you to do it right?!
<Fuzion> ...
<Fuzion> wait

#748176 +(593)- [X]

[•%Nakedkira•] HERE'S A REAL CATGIRL
[•%Nakedkira•] :D)333-<
(•+DB•) o.o
(•+Renoki•) 3 sets... of boobs?
[•%Nakedkira•] meow, bitch

#748314 +(443)- [X]

<CimmAway> Spam subject of the day: "Proven Safe! Give Your Little Brother 3-Inches Longer With This High Demaning Herbal Pill tlet"
<CimmAway> Something just sounds wrong there...
<CimmAway> Giving 3 inches more to your brother...
<Reddman> he's getting better at taking it

#748763 +(455)- [X]

<BillyBob> napolean was 5 feet 7
<BillyBob> that i did not know
<NobleArc> Napoleon
<NobleArc> It's just francais. Spelling en francais isn't that hard.
<BillyBob> good to know you can catch typos in multiple languages
<BillyBob> almost as helpful as the microsoft office paperclip

#748785 +(789)- [X]

<SyntaxError> So how do you guys think Bush is doing
<Pacster> Don't get me started ...
<Merrick178> I'm sick of people hating Bush
<Pacster> Omg -.-
<Merrick178> He's doing pretty good for a retarded person

#749227 +(1442)- [X]

<denshuu> I just spent the better part of four fuck hours trying to get on IRC from campus
<denshuu> just to talk to you artards
<Desu|Away> rawsome
<whereisJ> What would you do without us?
<denshuu> graduate

#749486 +(735)- [X]

<Biff> News of the World is reporting that Angelina Jolie is planning to adopt for the fourth time, just weeks after she adopted a 5-year old boy from Vietnam.  She has also adopted Maddox from Cambodia and Zahara from Ethiopia and she of course has Shiloh, her natural daughter with her boyfriend Brad Pitt.  Now Jolie wants to adopt a girl from Chad to "balance the family."
<Biff> she's collecting kids from other countries as if they were pokemon

#749697 +(1691)- [X]

<Suriko> I HAVE DONE IT
<Suriko> I HAVE BEATEN THE CLAW MACHINE
<Suriko> I HAVE BURNT ITS FIELDS, AND HEARD THE LAMENTATIONS OF ITS WOMEN
<Suriko> I got a teddy bear and a Shrek donkey <3

#749816 +(588)- [X]

FeNdErBeNdEr04: how does one go about achieving a relationship with someone who thinks one is confused as m'kay about what one wants, but one knows she truly isn't confused, it's just that someone who's very confusing at times.
SkaRules: i can see how one would find you confusing

#749986 +(4315)- [X]

PwNzAgE33: ok so in assembly language we learned that processes in the cpu get set priority levelsPwNzAgE33: 0-7, 7 being the highest priority
PwNzAgE33: this is the example the book gives
PwNzAgE33: "For example, a computer's payroll program may run overnight, and at PL0. It has all night to finish - not terribly urgent. A program that corrects for a nuclear power plant current surge may run at PL6. We are perfectly happy to let the payroll wait while the nuclear power correction keeps us from being blown to bits."
PwNzAgE33: this begs two questions
PwNzAgE33: first
PwNzAgE33: who in the hell is running payroll and a nuclear power surge correction on the same machine
PwNzAgE33: and second, if nuclear power surge correction gets PL6, what on God's green earth gets a fucking PL7?

#750058 +(155)- [X]

<Rjx> How to get laid? Uninstall Linux.
<Rjx> case closed

#750237 +(866)- [X]

<Hybridfusion> i found out last week that if you see a big black man who works for BFI (garbage truck / pickup company)
<Hybridfusion> dont ask him if BFI stands for "big fucking idiot"
<Volte> did he say "why as a matter of fact it does and id appreciate if you didnt call attention to it thanks"
<Hybridfusion> he threw a metal pipe at me and i ran like a motherfucker

#750332 +(891)- [X]

<Tinkymamma> I think the downfall of my popularity at school was when I humped my best friend to show some other kids how tigers mate.

#750346 +(930)- [X]

<tastycake> anyone know of a voice changer program
<denke> ya
<denke> its called puberty

#750735 +(1124)- [X]

<[Faer|eggs]> oh yeah, Easter
<[Faer|eggs]> which means I will have baskets of chocolate to go with my bucket of candy and can of DIET soda
<LoneSamurai> hahaha
<Tremens> well
<Tremens> you have to watch to make sure you dont get fat
<Tremens> hence the diet soda
<[Faer|eggs]> This reminds me of a related, true, and funny story
<LoneSamurai> uh oh, everyone run, here comes a Faer story
<Akuma> be less bitter lone
<Akuma> faer stories are really good
<LoneSamurai> hahaha
<LoneSamurai> if your 13
<[Faer|eggs]> When I worked at BK there was this woman who would regularly come to my DRIVE-THRU window and order a Whopper, an Angus Steak Burger, Double Bacon Cheeseburger value meal, large Chocolate shake, large onion rings, lots of sauce, and a DIET coke
<[Faer|eggs]> Each and every time, when I would hand her the order, she'd make a fuss "Are you sure this is DIET?"
<[Faer|eggs]> So after about a month of this I finally got fed up with the whole thing
<[Faer|eggs]> And when she came for her daily visit, and threw the daily fuss, I said:
<Tremens> (this is where faer gers fired)
<[Faer|eggs]> "No ma'am, I'm terribly sorry, we're out of DIET coke today. Instead I filled your cup with water, some bacon grease, and a bit of leftover breakfast gunk from the cinnamon rolls. I know it sounds strange now, but trust me, when you drink it, it'll taste just the same as the DIET coke does after you inhale all that fat and grease you order from me every day."
<[Faer|eggs]> So she asked if she could see my manager
<Akuma> ROFL
<[Faer|eggs]> Of course, I smiled, and walked away to get my manager
<[Faer|eggs]> Manager spoke to her a few moments, there were some harsh hand symbols, and eventually the woman drove off
<[Faer|eggs]> My manager came back to me with the most PISSED OFF look on her face
<[Faer|eggs]> And said "That woman has been coming here for the past two years. She's been our most loyal customer at this shop, and you just drove her away forever."
<[Faer|eggs]> The next day, I got a raise.
<Tremens> haha
<[Faer|eggs]> And that, my friends, is the end of my tale.

#750832 +(1965)- [X]

<Elle> There are two PhDs playing Lego Star Wars II in my living room, and neither of them can figure out how to get past the first level

#750836 +(56)- [X]

<throdgrain> i just shot a bloody rat in my garden
<throdgrain> in broad daylight ffs!
<throdgrain> it was like
<throdgrain> boom headshot
<throdgrain> i was a dirty awping camper out the bathroom window

#751455 +(532)- [X]

<aon> i wonder if visual basic runs on wine
<number-g> pervert.

#751491 +(1006)- [X]

<Zakk> Lash you are crossing a train track and you find a naked woman tied to it and a train is comeing. Is this awesome?
<Lash2828> Of course
<Lash2828> Stupid question
<Zakk> even though shes going to get killed by the train
<Lash2828> How long untill the train hits?
<Zakk> like
<Zakk> 1 minute
<Lash2828> Thats enough for me.

#751687 +(1059)- [X]

<Mike> We should have internet rings like Captain Planet.
<skauert> TCP, UDP, FTP, SSH, HTTP
<skauert> By your protocols combined
<skauert> I'm captain internet

#751973 +(959)- [X]

<+Rafe> you wanna' know how geeky my school is
<+Rafe> rather geeky, but not quite geeky enough
<+Rafe> we rate our girls in binary
<+Rafe> one bit though.
<+Byan> Rafe: O_o
<+Choco_Reisen> how many are actually 0? :o
<+Rafe> most of them
<@beyonder> 0 = i'd hit it, 1 = i'd hit it hard

#752060 +(-28)- [X]

<Delvan> Regex is latin for "saw off thine limbs"

#752980 +(960)- [X]

<@LukeB> I haven't even bothered downloading Second Life
<@LukeB> I figure I should get a first one before starting a second

#753599 +(3032)- [X]

<Nomenumbra> 1 bottle of beer on the wall, 1 bottle of beer, you take 1 down, pass it around, 0 bottles of beer on the wall.
<Nomenumbra> 0 bottles of beer on the wall, 0 bottles of beer, you take 1 down, pass it around, 4294967295 bottles of beer on the wall.

#753830 +(1551)- [X]

<Chipper> Hexidecimal counting systems are awesome!
<Chipper> On a scale from 1 to 10, I give them an E

#754254 +(1521)- [X]

<slifty> Your mom is so fat she sat on a binary tree and turned it into a linked list in constant time!

#754304 +(2589)- [X]

justsara: so, i started a new job today
justsara: one of my co-workers, feels like i've known him for years
a2so4: Where are you working now?
justsara: CSO
* sillyme has joined #random
sillyme: I had the strangest day at work.
sillyme: The new girl started today.
sillyme: Seems nice enough, but looks like a fucked-out whore.
a2so4: You work for CSO, right?
sillyme: Yeah, why?
justsara: that was me, asshole

#754399 +(-913)- [X]

<mayb> procrastination is like masturbation
<mayb> it's fun until you realize you just fucked yourself

#754533 +(2754)- [X]

Kraigen: Since the creation of the Internet, the Earth's rotation has been fueled, primarily, by the collective spinning of English teachers in their graves.

#754623 +(684)- [X]

srjames: my girlfriend called asked me to come over, i told her i was setting up freebsd
srjames: she thought i was doing drugs

#754624 +(244)- [X]

<Batou> QUIT FUCKING MIDGETS
<Malf> i cant
<Malf> they're so hot
<Malf> they are tight like kids but legal

#754652 +(520)- [X]

<Flac> Ahh, IRC, Kind of like downloading porn on limewire, When you open it up, your never quite sure what your going to see, but odds are good that it will scar you for life.

#754839 +(593)- [X]

< Sousaphone> Hey, if I'm dead, yet still here, that makes me a sysadmin zombie!
< Sousaphone> And I'm doing power cable documentation and labeling today :-D
< daven> fun
< Sousaphone> Maaaaaaaaaiiiiiinnsss

#754846 +(1474)- [X]

* dal3 has joined #math
<dal3> anyone good with math? could you tell me what 10+10-10+10+10-10-10-10+10+10-10+10-10-10+10-10-10-10+10+10+10+10-10+10 is?
<zepelin-> 17
<dal3> really?
<zepelin-> yeah
<dal3> thanx
* dal3 has left #math

#755026 +(1574)- [X]

<Paragon> man i remember in like second grade the teaxcher asked what 2-3 was
<Paragon> and someone was like "you can't do that"
<Paragon> and she was all "right you can't
<Paragon> and i was like "nooo, NEGATIVE NUMBERS"
<Paragon> and she ignored me
<Paragon> bitch

#755062 +(407)- [X]

Zedian: D&D Monopoly
Pregga Zexas: "I land at Wallstreet Avenue and roll a critical hit so all of the orcs in your hotels die."

#755080 +(480)- [X]

<lanken> suppose I have a file tree, and I want to move all the leaves to the root of the tree
<infernal_jesus> lanken: shake tree -h

#755143 +(1701)- [X]

<G-Nat> i love the graffiti in the physics toilets at uni
<G-Nat> a physics student wrote "Arts Degree Dispenser" on the toilet paper dispenser

#755170 +(672)- [X]

<THC|Rawk> I've literally got a -blind- date tonight.
<THC|Stone> ORLY? o_O
<THC|Rawk> It suits me fine for two reasons. First of all, I'll get to see if this "wonderful personality" crap I keep getting from girls actually is true.
<THC|Rawk> And if not, she'll never see what I slip into her drink.

#755180 +(514)- [X]

<Chrysalid^Revenge> LOL! Worst mom evar!
<Sectoid^Authopsy> Coming from you, I'm tempted to ask if you got laid again... ^_^
<Chrysalid^Revenge> I'll smack your ass later for that, but anyways
<Chrysalid^Revenge> I was hanging out with a friend today, and he had BB-gun with a cracked barrel.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> So he decides to fix it with epoxy, getting it functional before the seaguls arrive
<Chrysalid^Revenge> And in a futile attempt to get the glue to harden faster, he puts the damn gun in his mouth and starts blowing down the barrel.
<Sectoid^Authopsy> I'm starting to sense where this is going...
<Chrysalid^Revenge> Now his mother walks in with some laundry, takes a look at her son with a damn good replica of a 9mm Beretta stuck in his mouth
<Chrysalid^Revenge> And her only words were "Try not to make a mess, and don't get anything stuck in your throat."
<Chrysalid^Revenge> What a lovely relationship those two must have...

#755535 +(800)- [X]

<mithro> anyone know how to get find to remove all files which are older then 7 days?
<cherez> crap
<cherez> I tried to google to help that
<cherez> thinking to search a man page
<cherez> "find older man"
<cherez> it was bad :(
<cherez> real bad...

#755629 +(554)- [X]

<+knife> i produce enough semen in one day to feed half of africa
<+msBob> no wonder they all have aids

#755665 +(1122)- [X]

<melol2> wapityyy, so you are giving up computers, for a girl you hardly know, even when you dont know she has a problem with it?
<wapityyy> yeah
<wapityyy> thats totally me
<wapityyy> follow your instinct
<melol2> hmm. Sounds good :)
<r3v> if i followed my instinct
<r3v> there would be streets littered with dead babies
<r3v> and the word virgin would not exist
<wapityyy> what the FUCK


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