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#702947 +(-309)- [X]

Doug: Dude... the funniest thing just happened. I was looking for this smart guy that I know on AIM and his name is Russell... And I almost accidentaly IMed you instead.
Russ: how do you block someone?
Doug: You're probably using a Mac... I have no clue

#703011 +(451)- [X]

<Twisten> Generalised question.
<Blue> Answer.
<Twisten> Was I talking to you!?
<Blue> Ah, comedy gold.

#703138 +(3377)- [X]

<sd> I was once trying to explain to an exec why his account would never be absolutely secure.
<sd> Me: "If somebody wants your account information badly enough, he's going to get it. He doesn't have to hack the system, he can just get it from you."
<sd> Exec: "That's crazy, I'd never give anyone my password."
<sd> Me: "Imagine you come home and find someone's broken in. He's got a gun to your daughter's head, and he tells you he's going to shoot in ten seconds if you don't give him your password. What would you do?"
<sd> Exec: [long pause] ... Which daughter?
<sd> To this day I still don't know if he was joking. But I no longer use that example.

#703157 +(50)- [X]

<BeaVer> why does my wife have to work nights
<BeaVer> :/
<broken> because the milkman's wife works days
<BeaVer> true
<BeaVer> but all the strippers work at night as well
<broken> hence the balance in the universe

#703209 +(206)- [X]

<Comrade> Dude, so the other day after school, this crazy evangelical lady randomly came up to me.
<Comrade> So she was tryin to get me to convert to Christianity and I just ignored her. But I only caught the last few words which were, "Jesus is in all of us!!"
<Comrade> So in an attempt to get her to go away, I said, "Lady, if Jesus was in me I would file charges for rape."

#703541 +(437)- [X]

<dan> I really like this girl
<hannelore> Sneak into her room late at night
<hannelore> And play a hypnosis tape
<dan> hypnosis would be the shit
<dan> I could start dating girls instantly
<dan> and if I wanted to break up with her, I could just snap my fingers

#703545 +(998)- [X]

<tom93> you know you watch too much porn when you start to recognise the MALE pornstars.

#703614 +(-635)- [X]

<Zio> man, I keep expecting my room to fill up with jews
<Jace> eh?
<Zio> it's an oven in here!

#703708 +(1630)- [X]

<zealo> I need sleep....
<zealo> I went to take a crap and took off my shirt instead of my pants
<zealo> I actually sat down before i realised what was wrong

#703713 +(801)- [X]

<Ninja_P> Okay, I just watched a guy puke in a glass, then drink it again
<DragonAtma> Congratulations, you now know how congress operates.

#703787 +(659)- [X]

<RedSkyinWinter> I used to want to date you, back when I was a failure.
<RedSkyinWinter> ...
<RedSkyinWinter> ...not implying that the two coincide in any way.

#704006 +(447)- [X]

[glr] anyone who have this one:ǧQڤҧա by kazuki tomokawa?
[Red Faux] >_>
[Red Faux] ǧQڤҧա
[Red Faux] I love that song.

#704045 +(851)- [X]

I Concordia I: would you kiss a dude for your life?
paintballa265: I for one choose death
I Concordia I: you wouldn't kiss a guy over dying?
paintballa265: Like what are we talking here
paintballa265: How you kiss your mom
paintballa265: or how i do?

#704110 +(1254)- [X]

BluECliQ: believing that Mcafee is going to protect you from hackers and viruses is exactly like believing that republicans can actually protect you from terrorists

#704472 +(1238)- [X]

<nyk> i need a floppy disc, anyone know where I can get one this late?
<Vulcan> walmart maybe, its open 24 hours.
<Jordan_M> i know some mexicans that are hardcore tech guys that could get you a floppy disc
<nyk> so you both say walmart?

#704747 +(2479)- [X]

<jtripp> I own a few sites and one of them sells baby products. A couple of weeks ago a customer ordered a gift for her sister and asked that it be shipped directly to her sister's house.
<jtripp> Well it turns out that she gave me the wrong address. When I called her to get the correct one she said her sister would call me. Unfortunately UPS returned the package before the sister called.
<jtripp> So, I reshipped the package out to the correct address but there were UPS fees for returning and resending the package. When I phoned to tell the customer here is what she said to me...
<jtripp> "I'll never shop online again, this is too much of a hassle. I had NO IDEA the right address would be so important."
<jtripp> What!?!?!?

#704840 +(759)- [X]

dan: i need a serious, business-type description of a blog
null: Unprofitable.

#705161 +(519)- [X]

NBnate14: GOD DAMNIT MY ROOM MATE IS MOONING ME
NBnate14: AND HE WONT STOP
MikeGinn440: kick his ass literally
NBnate14: damnit it's like live goatse

#705361 +(3075)- [X]

<Delanushorse> Dude, I was eating a chocolate bar in my kitchen the other day,
when my mom walks in
<Delanushorse> I was like "it's like an orgasm in my mouth" and my mom says "oh, believe
me, you DON'T want to know what that tastes like".
<Delanushorse> I guess she realized what she said, because she walked out really quickly.
<Delanushorse> :(

#705365 +(2324)- [X]

<Ben> I love the internet.
<@Reb> ...
<Ben> You can ask your girl friends about their problems
<Ben> Play xbox for 20 minutes
<Ben> Come back, say "Yeah you're right..."
<Ben> Then go play some more xbox.
<@Reb> ...You son of a bitch that was me!
<Ben> REBECCA?
*** Reb sets mode: +b Ben*!*@*.*
*** Ben has been kicked by Reb (Asshole)

#705562 +(1152)- [X]

depletedsoul: Dam, my in car CD player has broke!, ive been forced to use the dreaded tape deck, gosh it sounds rubbish.
Anyone wanna buy me a new cd changer?, cheers.
Boonjam: tapes are shit
ninav: i don't really like tapes but i gotta use them for french and german _
ratnerstar: Make sure you keep them separated or pretty soon all your tapes will be German.

#705670 +(283)- [X]

<ComputerNap> if you burn something at a lower speed, it doesn't read slower, does it?

#705689 +(640)- [X]

<Ainslee> does anyone here use a computer that much that they find it physically painful to write after a while?
<MellerTime> Ainslee: you mean, on like... paper?

#705713 +(508)- [X]

<dorkling> I think after four years I've finally managed to make my schools watch list
<dorkling> during the club fair today I found an empty booth and set up an 'I Hate You Club'
<dorkling> Stole some others clubs sign up sheet that was blank and someone elses diorama board and stuck some stuff about hate being theraputic
<dorkling> I actually had about 9 people signed up when a teacher came over and told me that she needed to confiscate everything I had
<dorkling> then she noticed the notes I was taking for an essay (on abortion)
<dorkling> one of them just happened to be a printed wiki article titled in bold letters 'Back alley abortions'
<dorkling> and she starts to take it from me
<sekoku> dorkling: Did you tell her that abortion was for another teacher?
<dorkling> I did when she started to take it

#705784 +(803)- [X]

<ZombieKing> best way to get rid of a client with dial-up, told them to install service pack 2 and call back

#705948 +(15)- [X]

< niblr> the Geneva Convention really should prohibit the forced rewriting of Ruby code into PHP
< niblr> it's an inhumane torture... and I'm being subjected to it, one little piece of code at a time

#706089 +(846)- [X]

<splosh123> Just a question if anyone knows... How many wind power mill things do you need to power... say... Brisbane
<dazzawul> thousands
<dazzawul> and they will be noisy
<dazzawul> and push australia to the west

#706150 +(602)- [X]

<Sheepeep> Welcome to our XHTML <bar />! Sorry, we're closed.

#706258 +(774)- [X]

<Gostie_hungover> the worst thing about having been drunk on irc is that you don't get any blissful ignorance about the things you said the night before
<Gostie_hungover> you just scroll up and there it is

#706281 +(2438)- [X]

TriPod11: bush ain't THAT bad...he kinda knows what he's doin
idaredbeet08: Please, Monica Lewenski had more President in her than George Bush ever will.

#706299 +(2795)- [X]

annonymous: there is this post on the IMDB board asking if saw III has any nudity because they want to know if they can take their kids to it

#706323 +(1245)- [X]

<TMH_> does anyone else find that they are in a fuckton of channels
<TMH_> and they only actually care about two or three
<jmx> define a fuckton?
<Thuryn> ten times a buttload
<LPF> that's a metric fuckton

#706366 +(1366)- [X]

<Vision> you never know the true meaning of pacman til you are underaged driving around after curfew with an expired license plate and a broken tailight

#707214 +(85)- [X]

<@pygmy-> I say we just have ICANN create a new TLD, .bot, for all Windows machines...

#707236 +(-1014)- [X]

Lamesauce: Good god
Lamesauce: There's a Pimple Congressional Meeting going on on my face.
Lamesauce: I think they just passed a bill...

#707257 +(876)- [X]

<__20h_P9_> DOS is the OS of the future.
<__20h_P9_> It doesn't suck. :P
<spaceinvader> __20h_P9_: but it dosent have a decent windowing system
<spaceinvader> and no dos dosent suck, it blows
<spaceinvader> Is there anything that dosent suck or blow?
<__20h_P9_> Feminists

#707258 +(1117)- [X]

<Static> uhh... wow, my mom walked up and saw that I had three windows open in firefox: Incest Wikipedia Entry, Republican Party (United States) Wikipedia Entry, and a Guide on Becoming an Evil Overlord
<Static> she just looked at me and walked away

#707279 +(734)- [X]

ArmAndLeg03: I need to think of a better gay-bar name
ArmAndLeg03: I mean, "Dick's" works for now, but still
Mazuki Projidy: haha
Mazuki Projidy: well you could use...
Mazuki Projidy: Manhole
Mazuki Projidy: it's an actual gay bar (remember from The Most Disturbing Conversation Ever?)
ArmAndLeg03: I remember
ArmAndLeg03: But I like Dick's better than Manhole, unfortunately
ArmAndLeg03: Though Manhole was a gay dance club
Mazuki Projidy: oh whatever
ArmAndLeg03: I could use that for the gay dance club in my story lol
Mazuki Projidy: Dick's isn't a good name for a gay bar
Mazuki Projidy: I know what to call it
Mazuki Projidy: "The Mouthful"
ArmAndLeg03: ...Evan
ArmAndLeg03: I hate to say this
ArmAndLeg03: But you are a fucking genius

#707531 +(385)- [X]

<Thunder> I seriously gotta upgrade my computer, I'm scared that my comp will blow up if I click the wrong tile in minesweeper D:

#707553 +(1251)- [X]

<RobotJunk>  How do I use dBase III database with more that 255 fields in a table?
<teHr0k>  Change out of your parachute pants and get in your 1986 Dodge K Car and
drive to the Airport, while listening to Duran Duran on the radio.  Lastly,
catch a Flight on Braniff Airlines to the 21st Century.

#707689 +(345)- [X]

<Albides> I was insane before I used the internet... I was confused after I used it. Then horrified as I found out about things like dolphin sex and furries.

#707742 +(1716)- [X]

<nerd> my wife installed IE7
<nerd> because she felt like it
<ct> where did you bury the body?

#707762 +(130)- [X]

griffjon: yay, I only had ~8k hits from .mil this year!
ameyer: why does milwaukee get its own tld?
jali: to keep them away from us

#707810 +(410)- [X]

<richard> To be fair to windows, there is one thing you can do on it that you can't do on Unix
<teifion> Can you do it on my Mac?
<richard> No, it is unique to Windows
<teifion> What is it?
<richard> You can defrag stuff

#707847 +(755)- [X]

<nefzen539> What's wrong with maroon 5?
<pr0nstar> They're a boyband, girls like boy bands
<nefzen539> based on the evidence... i must be gay
<pr0nstar> it does seem likely...
<nefzen539>It must be that every male i've come into contact with is horrendously ugly cos i haven't been attracted to any
<pr0nstar> as unlikely as that sounds it is more likely than a straight male liking maroon 5

#707848 +(789)- [X]

<ssdd534> arg... whats the best way to deal with a .rar on solaris?
<Atomix> rm

#707911 +(1335)- [X]

<jaban> IRC channels are like houses...
<jaban> You can kick your friends out of your house for any reason you want, even if you're being stupid and unreasonable. You can even kick them out for no reason at all. It's YOUR house.
<jaban> Now imagine if 3-year-olds owned all the houses.
<jaban> That's IRC.

#707944 +(541)- [X]

SPUNNEER:  whats goth
fist meets colon:  Goth is emo on 5,000 calories a day.

#708017 +(503)- [X]

<bmg505> ja running internet services on windows iis is like playing russian roulette with a glock

#708359 +(837)- [X]

NovaScotia > yes.. us Canadians.. always quiet.. clean.. keep to ourselves.. never bother anyone... sounds like how they always describe serial killers eh?


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