#687535 +(595)- [X]
xxnjbeauty23xx: im also short
xxnjbeauty23xx: but its a good thing for me because im jewish
xxnjbeauty23xx: which means im closer to the pennies
#687603 +(794)- [X]
<ad_man> ya so me and mitch were sittin in english
<ad_man> and we always had a habit of writing dumb stuff in each other's books
<ad_man> so he writes in my book "adam is a fagget"
<ad_man> what we didn't know was that the teacher was standing behind us
<ad_man> so she says
<ad_man> "it's spelled -ot", and just walked on
#687845 +(863)- [X]
<Linuxgeek> How do i find the model of my card?
<Serena[T]> your nick is misleading, seriously
#688227 +(775)- [X]
<Dro0> i dont wanna be alarmist here
<Dro0> but i'm prety sure that the guy trying to configure the core router in chicago
<Dro0> is googling "subnetting"
#688279 +(862)- [X]
<Numi> i m so FUCKEßING WASTED FUCK
<Haddock> You have to be pretty wasted to typo ß
#688766 +(403)- [X]
puffster: Can you really start a sentence with "With almost 100% accuracy..."?
killdbykangeroos: I think I'm positive you can.
#688824 +(357)- [X]
<MALF> ebay is where cocaine addicts sell things for profit
<tak> thats what pawn shops are for
<tak> ebay takes too long
<tak> need crack NOW
<spun> but you actually need shit to sell at pawn shops
<spun> ebay you can sell a picture of a laptop
#689328 +(1012)- [X]
Chico: i would never consider her at all
Chico: shes like 100% emo
Chico: to the bone
QueenRen24: aww, but emo kids are so cut
#689386 +(327)- [X]
<total_meltdown> Writing to an NTFS filesystem in Linux is like using Windows ME - you /can/ but when it bombs and you lose everything, nobody will feel sorry for you.
#689481 +(400)- [X]
<jcm> would having a woman as the main character change anything?
<jcm> it would still be GTA
<gwizz> grand theft alimony
#689521 +(841)- [X]
<r34en> i'll show her.. one day when i'm 1337 i'll have my own channel and she'll beg me to op her
<r34en> do you know what i'll say
<gary> "how do you add ops?"
#689719 +(111)- [X]
<andreaskem> All this washin powder pretending to make your clothes whiter
<andreaskem> One day I will invent one that really works
<andreaskem> And I'm going to call it "white pow(d)er"
#689789 +(2)- [X]
(Jani) the wii is going to get raped in the console war
(Jani) unless xbox360's start exploding like dell laptops
(%Ransom) ps3 will destroy everything
(Jani) including your wallet
#690820 +(123)- [X]
<freznel> hey got a computer question, if my mother board requires 5 volts, what size power supplies can I use
<seeess> you cant go above the voltage rating on your motherboard
<seeess> so you need a <5v psu
<seeess> or you can use a standard PSU and only plug it in half way
#690961 +(529)- [X]
<Uki> i don't feel much different, this whole being 21 thing
<Aphelion_> in that case, you did it wrong. go back and try again, this time with more vodka.
#691240 +(394)- [X]
OhTheCommotion: This "Comedy Central presents..." was brought to me by Windows Vista
OhTheCommotion: But this show came on at the time it was scheduled to come on
OhTheCommotion: So someone is lying to me.
#692014 +(795)- [X]
<Makenshi`> the creator of the qwerty keyboard must have had a fetish
<Makenshi`> I don't think it's a coincidence that you can type 'stewardess' with one hand
#692739 +(776)- [X]
<BigNTall> Ohhhh Kay... I'm on some clothing seller forums, and a common theme is how to get a stain out of an otherwise perfect garment. Someone posted a "Guide to removing stains from children's clothing". Possible stains include liquor, wine, and semen
#693037 +(1247)- [X]
ChaosPid: She was already mad at me and she yelled "I'm gonna kill you"
ChaosPid: and I responded....
ChaosPid: "This is wierd, I swear to god I just heard you offer to make me a cake, but the words didnt match up with your lips at all........but chocolate, I suppose."
Curt: What'd she do?
ChaosPid: She looked like she was gonna die... left the room and then came back a few minutes later.... in a rage.
ChaosPid: I then told her she shouldnt have left, if she wanted to go to the store to buy ingredients, she knew she would need a man to drive her to the store, and then I called her silly.
#693046 +(1133)- [X]
<Royall> My "e" k y is brok n
<Royall> Oh wait.
#693049 +(1324)- [X]
<squipple_> who's got my name with underscore
<squipple_> kick them pls
<squipple_> oh wait, I can..hahaha
<_aa_> I don't get it
* squipple_ was kicked by squipple_ (Kick)
<_aa_> did he just kick himself?
<Znarl> There's a good argument against drinking and IRCing.
#693061 +(370)- [X]
TANNER3000: I decided I'd try Meatball Marinara today.
TANNER3000: It's good, but no cigar.
Luigigamer Golem: You're abusing the idiom.
TANNER3000: No, I meant you'd have a hard time smoking it.
#693244 +(475)- [X]
<addeman> after some bad experiences with fat chicks I no longer ask their asl
<addeman> instead I ask for their BMI
#693565 +(351)- [X]
<Ant_> yay. my loan came through. my bank balance is no longer preceeded by a "-".
<SC> You should've tried depositing a negative amount of money.
#693937 +(680)- [X]
<Swiich> greatest thing ever in 20th century history today in school
<Swiich> teacher was going on about the million man march
<Swiich> this kid raises his hand and says "don't you mean the 600 000 man march?"
<Swiich> teacher says "no, why?"
<Swiich> "well, 600 000 is 3/5ths of a million"
#694073 +(631)- [X]
<gwizz> so i broke our microwave today
<gwizz> luckily best buy still sold the same model
<gwizz> so i go get it, bring it home, set it up, and hide the box in my car
<gwizz> my parents get back and my mom goes 'did you clean the microwave?'
#694289 +(925)- [X]
<PinkeyPooh> my wireless connection is going slower then 2 turtles fucking in jello
#694493 +(594)- [X]
Brendan: A client of mine wants a cheesy backup solution
jbailey999: Cheese is no good as a data storage medium. It's unstable at room temperature.
#694821 +(2190)- [X]
<Telius> Nobody escapes the Spanish Inquisition!
<codepoet> \S\p\a\n\i\s\h\ \I\q\u\i\s\i\t\i\o\n
#694822 +(599)- [X]
[Sioux]: THAT JOKE IS OLD!!!!!!!!
[Sioux]: It's over 10 years old. I told it to all my friends back in 1991.
[CwR]: Run out of fingers to calculate the exact difference? :)
#694824 +(-192)- [X]
<Azn[Busy]> I've always wondered how to say his name...
<malevolence> GOOD THING IT DOESN'T HAVE L'S!
<malevolence> M I RITE!?
#694826 +(-35)- [X]
<Frostfyre> Why not slap windows stickers on toasters? I mean think about it. Toasters get ridiculously hot, burn things easily, and can be operated by a fucking moron.
#694829 +(659)- [X]
<@Never> I had this insane professor who constantly alluded to being an alcoholic and to hating his wife
<@Never> somehow this meshed with economic theory perfectly.
<@Never> Once he went to the board and drew a simple X-Y graph, on one axis he wrote "GIN CONSUMED" and on the other he wrote "LIFE EXPECTANCY"
#694831 +(463)- [X]
Chronz > my girlfriend dumped me for playing too much eve
Chronz > she said she couldn't take it anymore
Chronz > she took the shotgun to the moniter
Chronz > and i pointed it at my forehead
Chronz > i said me first
Chronz > she dropped the gun
darrenX > thats unforgivenable
Chronz > and walked out
#694931 +(360)- [X]
<Chr1stina> This girl I went to high school with is writing me emails through classmates.com
<Kancer> I reply to those people, "big whoop our parents just happen to bone at the same time and in the same location, it dosen't make you special"
<Alex> I'm pretty sure my high school class wasn't the result of one giant orgy in 1978.
<Kancer> Alex: are you sure? it was the 70s
#694984 +(724)- [X]
<Amun> just bought a server
<Amun> did a harddrive restore on it
<Amun> found nothing of interest
<Amun> except... his poems
<Amun> let me recite a few
<Amun> this one is called 'wishful thinking'
<Amun> The money Iíve blown
<Amun> Getting high with dirty bitches I wish Iíve never known
<Amun> Puffin on the pipe while they choke on my bone
<Amun> Theyíre never grateful of the kindness Iíve shown
<Amun> Or of all the times Iíve made them mown
<Amun> So from now on Iím just going to fucking leave them alone
#695059 +(762)- [X]
< Milenko> im so bored..
<@ALGORYTHM> get a job
< Milenko> i have a job
< Milenko> Im in the army kid
< Milenko> im on leave because i got shot in the ass during basic training :-/
#695066 +(150)- [X]
<LouZiffer> We just got back from the ultrasound. Everything's good. I'm the proud father of a lima bean with a heartbeat.
<RangerRick> LouZiffer: oh no! it'll be a vegetable!
#695310 +(428)- [X]
<Hrung> yeah, i was going to go to bed like 20 mins ago, but i'm a horrible procrastinator
<Hrung> too lazy to go to bed..
#695338 +(-863)- [X]
[ Pwyff ] So one day, George Bush and The Queen of England are sitting in her room talking about politics, when Bush asks the Queen, "How do you know if the highest members of your state are smart enough to be doing their job?"
[ Pwyff ] And the Queen replies, "Well, I usually ask them riddles, and see how fast they respond. That's usually a good way to see if they can think for themselves."
[ Pwyff ] So the Queen calls Tony Blair in, and asks him, "If your Parents had a child, but it's not your sister, and it's not your brother, who is it?"
[ Pwyff ] And Tony Blair immediately replies, "That's easy, it's me!"
[ Pwyff ] And the Queen, who is very pleased, send Tony Blair away.
[ Pwyff ] Now, Bush, who is very impressed, brings the Queen to find Donald Rumsfield and asks him, "Hey Donald, if your parents had a kid, but it's not your sister, and it's not your brother, who is it?"
[ Pwyff ] And Rumsfield ponders for a long time, and then admits to Bush that he has no clue.
[ Pwyff ] Pissed off, Bush drags Rumsfield and the Queen to Dick Cheney, where Bush asks Cheney, "Hey Dick, if your parents had a kid, but it's not your sister or your brother, who is it?"
[ Pwyff ] And Cheney ponders for a long time, and then he finally lights up with an idea, and says "It's me!"
[ Pwyff ] And Bush gets REALLY pissed off, and yells at both of them, "NO YOU IDIOTS! IT'S TONY BLAIR!"
#695356 +(279)- [X]
<SasukeUch> I loved SA because i was finally living the dream of being a black man and being able to say "nigger" without getting beaten down in the comfort of my own home.
#695378 +(555)- [X]
<FyreStorm> 'cute'=fat, 'stud'=small penis, 'kitten'=usually over 50 yrs old, 'sexy'=desperate, 'girl'or'gal'=usually
<FyreStorm> over 40 yrs old, 'cuddly'=exceptionally over-wieght, 'hot'=lousy in bed, 'wet'=incontinent, 'boy'=still a virgin at 30,
<FyreStorm> 'single'=married but horny, 'hard'=on viagra, 'divorced'=will be if his wife finds out
#695392 +(11)- [X]
<chakie_work> time to go home
<ahigerd> Don't segfault.
<ahigerd> I always knew you were. ;)
#695394 +(506)- [X]
<Monso> is california on the east coast or west?
<cpM> did it move?
#695404 +(1437)- [X]
<phenom> would you bang the queen
<phenom> for $10000
<nacho> i dont have that kind of money
#695450 +(1442)- [X]
<Apollyon> I was at a store and some little kid comes in and says "Do you buy Pokemon cards?"
<Apollyon> The owner looks at them, he responds "No, but I'll take them as trade. Would you like anything in particular?"
<Apollyon> And the little kid goes "Money?"
#695675 +(115)- [X]
Bhuddist Pimp: I love how if you right click the type box in AIM, you can select Undo before you do anything
L3ech3r: Undo nothing?!?
L3ech3r: Would be rather odd if it undid the last thing you said
L3ech3r: Thus erasing a bit of history
L3ech3r: You would forget I ever said that
L3ech3r: ..that would be awesome
Bhuddist Pimp: what would be awesome? I clicked undo.
#695850 +(2563)- [X]
(Ike_Aran) Our health teacher told us that "1 out of 3 people who start smoking will eventually die." The other two apparently became immortal.
#695854 +(1289)- [X]
<fox1023> Anyone know that analogy between baseball and how far you go with a girl?
<missy13> Yea, where like 1st base is kissing etc?
<fox1023> Yea thats the one.
<fox1023> I was wondering. What do you call stealing home?
<missy13> Probably rape.
#695858 +(611)- [X]
<Roxus> what's the longest a USB cable can run ?
<zengolfer> Roxus: depends on how much it trains and conditions