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#678774 +(650)- [X]

<siddy> stupid internet
<mutley> whats up with it? works fine for me :|
<siddy> its slow as hell
<siddy> im going to call them up and ask for it to be restarted
<mutley> the internet?
<siddy> yeh...

#679080 +(1791)- [X]

<Ulm> Sigh. I've lost my cow.
<Ulm> I think she's learned to open her gate and she's gone.
<Ulm> Been looking for about 5 hours now.
<dal-X> Need more cowbell.

#679319 +(375)- [X]

< Cillian> WTF is ubuntu christian edition!?!??
< Cillian> It's not like normal ubuntu is spawn of the devil
<@BlackRatchet> thou shalt not kill -9?

#679854 +(1166)- [X]

<bTm> I swear to God, if you ever say that to me again, I will remove each and every one of your limbs, including your tiny penis, with a rusty spoon, shove your bleeding stumps into buckets of rock salt, then force you to eat your way out of a hole filled with your own feces and body parts.
<Xeonspire> Er. All I said was, "Hi".

#680262 +(1635)- [X]

<roddyboy> man it sucks...
<roddyboy> phone got stolen tonight :(
<drjazz> call someone who cares
<drjazz> oh wait

#680317 +(-179)- [X]

<jumpcho15> I foind out how to write a code
<KevinJB> you must be like a prmgerz or somfing

#680418 +(679)- [X]

<darkdread> Three Middle Eastern Men Found With 1000 Cell Phones...
<videogameaholic> you just used middle eastern and cell in the same sentence.  answer the door, it's the fbi.

#680487 +(527)- [X]

<wicked> They are playing multiplayer in GTA SA
***FatCat has joined the room (#hih)
<wicked> my brother is a stripper and his tits are hanging out
<FatCat> older or younger?

#680498 +(379)- [X]

<@Canis> i wanted to move my nintendo once but didnt want to lose my game
<@Canis> so i wired on a second power cord
<@Canis> and then walked it from outlet to outlet
<@Canis> im really lucky i didnt hit two circuits out of phase
<@Canis> that would have SUCKED

#680513 +(1389)- [X]

<JohnFlux> There are two kinds of people: 1) those who start arrays with one and 1) those who start them with zero.

#680845 +(438)- [X]

<lark> shit dude im in deep shit with my gf
<Solid_Snake> What'd you do this time?
<lark> well her doctor was rude to her and I found it hilarious
<Solid_Snake> Brilliant.
<lark> hes like this young new doctor and she went in for some shit I dont remember and hes like "well  I got a prescription for you. you could just take my..capsule" motioning to his dick
<lark> she rolled her eyes and then he said "its a suppository"

#680946 +(534)- [X]

SignorMartinelli: how is the weather?
vacapalida: Dunno. I'm in a room with no windows.
vacapalida: My widget says it's 84 and sunny.
vacapalida: ...trust the widget...

#680953 +(321)- [X]

<DarbySniper> My mother got a digital camera today. She wanted to know how many pictures it could take before she replaced the film in the memory card.

#681057 +(359)- [X]

Sholiz: i'm lucky to get laid once a quarter
Sholiz: it's like big corporations profit reports
Sholiz: comes 4 times a year and usually it's a let-down

#681183 +(2333)- [X]

Ron34: Why havent you been in school?
Joe: because its summer vacation?
Ron34:  its sept 13
Ron34: school started the 5th
Joe: WTF
Joe: ITS SEPTEMBER?

#681240 +(399)- [X]

<Farcaller> to get spare parts disassemble/assemble some device
<Farcaller> repeat until you get enough spare parts

#681285 +(1306)- [X]

Niv)Mutal: There is a crack in my window blinds, and every time I turn around, I see an eye staring through the glass at me. I can't deal with this any longer, its making me lose games. Any opinions / comments / suggestions?
Hot_Bid: take the ring off

#681428 +(768)- [X]

<Splinton> So I'm on my honeymoon with my wife right...and after we're done fucking, I get up to go to the bathroom, and without thinking I left a $50 on the bed.
<Aron> Oh shit..
<Splinton> Yeah...
<Aron> She'll get over it right though? She can't possibly expect you've never been with a woman up til now?
<Splinton> Yeah that's not what I'm worried about...she gave me $20 change!

#681885 +(791)- [X]

<rushfan> im getting out of shape
<rushfan> I only did 25 pushups and the room is already spinning'
<qupada> drink some booze
<qupada> maybe it will make the room spin the other way and they will cancel out

#681933 +(615)- [X]

<MGS05> vegans are the most enviromentally unsound people
<MGS05> they totally take advantage of "survival of the fittest"
<MGS05> the plants can't move
<MGS05> they can

#681997 +(415)- [X]

<dst> mirc is a piece of shit
<dst> I wouldn't let any of my kids use it
<dodgo> i would let my kids suck my dick, doesnt mean i'd stop everyone from it
<dodgo> i wouldn't
<doogsey> er
<dodgo> oh fuck

#682020 +(569)- [X]

<Loki> would dismantling a self-aware computer be considered murder?
<Rane> Why don't you ask it?

#682046 +(-10)- [X]

<Raikou`> what if you had a keyboard with a key for every character
<Dratini927> it'd be like, 15'x15'
<Dratini927> It's like "Brb I gotta go press a"

#682066 +(47)- [X]

<Metl>Anyone else notice that the dude who claims he killed that Ramsey girl looks extremely similar to the g-man?
<Metl>I suddenly no longer have the urge to play HL anymore...

#682292 +(419)- [X]

<+billy_s> im taking a break from programming and trying to escape the world of geekness and then winamp brings up "Norah Jones - Pointer Song" GODAMN IT LEAVE ME ALONE

#682355 +(987)- [X]

<Ghrens> Halo had a story?  I thought it was about 13 year old boys with prepubescent voices calling me a homosexual.

#682409 +(2766)- [X]

<Ranbert> someone shoot me please....
<tele>   o                              \O_ Arrgh!!
<tele>  <\==-   -   - -   -  -  - --- __/
<tele>  / \                             \

#682477 +(470)- [X]

<b1rdn> WTF are you talking about, courtney love is like the girl next door
<LegenD> yea if you live next to a methadone clinic

#682642 +(880)- [X]

<ds4l> Tried to beat off today when mom was at the store
<ds4l> Itís just me and mom living in this house
<ds4l> I popped in my fav porno and it started in a different place then where I left it.

#683100 +(921)- [X]

<pR@y4m0jo> Man, i have to take a huge dump, I have such a backlog of shit I could be a bash moderator.

#683143 +(547)- [X]

<%spock1104> lmao, some poor bastard in florida had his house burn down thanks to a dell
<+Toba> I would make a joke about needing a firewall on his home box
<+Toba> but that's just too low

#683616 +(47)- [X]

< soultan> how come when i view the contents of a binary i don't see no 0s and 1s?
< soultan> they don't exist after all?
< soultan> we've been fooled

#684045 +(2442)- [X]

<Numi> I was having trouble getting screen dumps in unix so I went into #unix and said
<Numi> "Does anyone know how to do a screen dump in unix?"
<Numi> 5 minutes and no reply, so I modify it a bit
<Numi> "Two hot girls are stripping on webcam for me, how do i take a picture to show you guys?"
<Numi> 13 offers of assistance within 2 minutes. Brilliant.

#684098 +(769)- [X]

<zip> IRC really has terrible markup.  So many unclosed tags.
<zip> Oops. </zip>

#684273 +(550)- [X]

<Oddness> Is it safe to put a 100W lightbulb in a 60W outlet?
<Atma-Mage> Do you enjoy having a face full of glassy shards of red-hot pain?
<Fire_i> Read: Yes, it is.

#684453 +(690)- [X]

<leoboiko> I wanted to search for that flamewar in which Linus called the Gnome guys "fucking idiots"
<leoboiko> so I googled for "torvalds gnome fucking"
<leoboiko> luckly, google still doesn't give you exactly what you ask for

#684758 +(355)- [X]

<IanT> is it just me
<IanT> or is it a little creepy that my mp3 player put "call me when you're sober" right next to "date rape"

#685013 +(455)- [X]

<Warbum> Hey guys, I'm guilty of "intellectual property theft"
<Warbum> The other day, I walked into a library, got out a book, went home, and read it.
<Warbum> And the copywright holders didn't even get a dime!

#685122 +(2039)- [X]

Faustmaster300:My friend got kicked out of french once.
Faustmaster300:He goes,'Madam! I have a joke for you!'
Faustmaster300:'What is it Zach?'
Faustmaster300:'Why wasn't Jesus born in Paris?'
Faustmaster300:'THEY COULDN'T FIND THREE WISE MEN!'
Faustamster300: and after about 10 min of sitting the hallway, he pops his head back in the door and goes, 'Oh, and they couldn't find a virgin either.'

#685262 +(479)- [X]

<Bushka|W0rkzo0rz> so i ditched her didnt answer her calls etc
<Bushka|W0rkzo0rz> and she totally brushed me
<Bushka|W0rkzo0rz> and hooked up with my mate
<joop`> so you fucked him to make her jealous?

#685293 +(2418)- [X]

<blotch> heres a cool office trick
<blotch> unscrew the speaker part of your coworkers phone and throw in a roll of quarters and seal it back up
<blotch> then after about 2 months of them being used to the weight remove the coins when they're away
<blotch> and watch them lift the phone the next time someone calls and bash themselves in the face

#685827 +(1550)- [X]

<cheater> legal drinking age in poland is "i have 3 dollars"

#685900 +(44)- [X]

Corey: that butterfinger commercial
Corey: has got to be the worst marketing idea i've ever heard of
PfhorRunner: which?
Corey: it's got that hand with the orange index finger
Corey: and every time i see it
Corey: i can't help but think someone took it in the ass
Corey: or the ear
Corey: or somewhere their finger was NOT supposed to go
PfhorRunner: LOL

#685939 +(1557)- [X]

<pmcall221> I'm wondering when Windows will work they they say it will.
<Kittyflipping> You're criticizing millions of lines of code and you can't even get one sentence right?

#686031 +(540)- [X]

<Nano> Is it "cheating" or wrong to mastubate over another chick when your married?
<Syco> thats like asking is it rape if they smile?
<Nano> wtf... no its not :/

#686184 +(160)- [X]

F4T4L: by making TV's bigger all we're doing is making black people stronger
F4T4L: soon they'll rule the world

#686305 +(791)- [X]

actualism: if you bet an emo kid 20 bucks that he won't kill himself, you'll either be 20 bucks richer or break even

#686488 +(451)- [X]

greyfox80988: The average American spends 6 years in the bathroom, and 6 months at a stoplight.
greyfox80988: I want to know who figures this stuff out o_o
greyfox80988: Cause that's what I'm gonna be when I grow up ^_^

#686929 +(730)- [X]

<ArianaK> I want my money back.
<ArianaK> I forgot the name of the tea I'm drinking thats supposed to help your memory

#687224 +(58)- [X]

9mm: I suppose Steve Irwin should have worn sunblock to protect from harmful rays.


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