#678774 +(652)- [X]
<siddy> stupid internet
<mutley> whats up with it? works fine for me :|
<siddy> its slow as hell
<siddy> im going to call them up and ask for it to be restarted
<mutley> the internet?
#679080 +(1793)- [X]
<Ulm> Sigh. I've lost my cow.
<Ulm> I think she's learned to open her gate and she's gone.
<Ulm> Been looking for about 5 hours now.
<dal-X> Need more cowbell.
#679319 +(377)- [X]
< Cillian> WTF is ubuntu christian edition!?!??
< Cillian> It's not like normal ubuntu is spawn of the devil
<@BlackRatchet> thou shalt not kill -9?
#679854 +(1166)- [X]
<bTm> I swear to God, if you ever say that to me again, I will remove each and every one of your limbs, including your tiny penis, with a rusty spoon, shove your bleeding stumps into buckets of rock salt, then force you to eat your way out of a hole filled with your own feces and body parts.
<Xeonspire> Er. All I said was, "Hi".
#680262 +(1637)- [X]
<roddyboy> man it sucks...
<roddyboy> phone got stolen tonight :(
<drjazz> call someone who cares
<drjazz> oh wait
#680317 +(-177)- [X]
<jumpcho15> I foind out how to write a code
<KevinJB> you must be like a prmgerz or somfing
#680418 +(682)- [X]
<darkdread> Three Middle Eastern Men Found With 1000 Cell Phones...
<videogameaholic> you just used middle eastern and cell in the same sentence. answer the door, it's the fbi.
#680487 +(529)- [X]
<wicked> They are playing multiplayer in GTA SA
***FatCat has joined the room (#hih)
<wicked> my brother is a stripper and his tits are hanging out
<FatCat> older or younger?
#680498 +(382)- [X]
<@Canis> i wanted to move my nintendo once but didnt want to lose my game
<@Canis> so i wired on a second power cord
<@Canis> and then walked it from outlet to outlet
<@Canis> im really lucky i didnt hit two circuits out of phase
<@Canis> that would have SUCKED
#680513 +(1391)- [X]
<JohnFlux> There are two kinds of people: 1) those who start arrays with one and 1) those who start them with zero.
#680845 +(440)- [X]
<lark> shit dude im in deep shit with my gf
<Solid_Snake> What'd you do this time?
<lark> well her doctor was rude to her and I found it hilarious
<lark> hes like this young new doctor and she went in for some shit I dont remember and hes like "well I got a prescription for you. you could just take my..capsule" motioning to his dick
<lark> she rolled her eyes and then he said "its a suppository"
#680946 +(534)- [X]
SignorMartinelli: how is the weather?
vacapalida: Dunno. I'm in a room with no windows.
vacapalida: My widget says it's 84 and sunny.
vacapalida: ...trust the widget...
#680953 +(321)- [X]
<DarbySniper> My mother got a digital camera today. She wanted to know how many pictures it could take before she replaced the film in the memory card.
#681057 +(360)- [X]
Sholiz: i'm lucky to get laid once a quarter
Sholiz: it's like big corporations profit reports
Sholiz: comes 4 times a year and usually it's a let-down
#681183 +(2334)- [X]
Ron34: Why havent you been in school?
Joe: because its summer vacation?
Ron34: its sept 13
Ron34: school started the 5th
Joe: ITS SEPTEMBER?
#681240 +(402)- [X]
<Farcaller> to get spare parts disassemble/assemble some device
<Farcaller> repeat until you get enough spare parts
#681285 +(1306)- [X]
Niv)Mutal: There is a crack in my window blinds, and every time I turn around, I see an eye staring through the glass at me. I can't deal with this any longer, its making me lose games. Any opinions / comments / suggestions?
Hot_Bid: take the ring off
#681428 +(772)- [X]
<Splinton> So I'm on my honeymoon with my wife right...and after we're done fucking, I get up to go to the bathroom, and without thinking I left a $50 on the bed.
<Aron> Oh shit..
<Aron> She'll get over it right though? She can't possibly expect you've never been with a woman up til now?
<Splinton> Yeah that's not what I'm worried about...she gave me $20 change!
#681885 +(793)- [X]
<rushfan> im getting out of shape
<rushfan> I only did 25 pushups and the room is already spinning'
<qupada> drink some booze
<qupada> maybe it will make the room spin the other way and they will cancel out
#681933 +(618)- [X]
<MGS05> vegans are the most enviromentally unsound people
<MGS05> they totally take advantage of "survival of the fittest"
<MGS05> the plants can't move
<MGS05> they can
#681997 +(416)- [X]
<dst> mirc is a piece of shit
<dst> I wouldn't let any of my kids use it
<dodgo> i would let my kids suck my dick, doesnt mean i'd stop everyone from it
<dodgo> i wouldn't
<dodgo> oh fuck
#682020 +(567)- [X]
<Loki> would dismantling a self-aware computer be considered murder?
<Rane> Why don't you ask it?
#682046 +(-8)- [X]
<Raikou`> what if you had a keyboard with a key for every character
<Dratini927> it'd be like, 15'x15'
<Dratini927> It's like "Brb I gotta go press a"
#682066 +(47)- [X]
<Metl>Anyone else notice that the dude who claims he killed that Ramsey girl looks extremely similar to the g-man?
<Metl>I suddenly no longer have the urge to play HL anymore...
#682292 +(419)- [X]
<+billy_s> im taking a break from programming and trying to escape the world of geekness and then winamp brings up "Norah Jones - Pointer Song" GODAMN IT LEAVE ME ALONE
#682355 +(987)- [X]
<Ghrens> Halo had a story? I thought it was about 13 year old boys with prepubescent voices calling me a homosexual.
#682409 +(2769)- [X]
<Ranbert> someone shoot me please....
<tele> o \O_ Arrgh!!
<tele> <\==- - - - - - - --- __/
<tele> / \ \
#682477 +(472)- [X]
<b1rdn> WTF are you talking about, courtney love is like the girl next door
<LegenD> yea if you live next to a methadone clinic
#682642 +(883)- [X]
<ds4l> Tried to beat off today when mom was at the store
<ds4l> Itís just me and mom living in this house
<ds4l> I popped in my fav porno and it started in a different place then where I left it.
#683100 +(921)- [X]
<pR@y4m0jo> Man, i have to take a huge dump, I have such a backlog of shit I could be a bash moderator.
#683143 +(549)- [X]
<%spock1104> lmao, some poor bastard in florida had his house burn down thanks to a dell
<+Toba> I would make a joke about needing a firewall on his home box
<+Toba> but that's just too low
#683616 +(47)- [X]
< soultan> how come when i view the contents of a binary i don't see no 0s and 1s?
< soultan> they don't exist after all?
< soultan> we've been fooled
#684045 +(2444)- [X]
<Numi> I was having trouble getting screen dumps in unix so I went into #unix and said
<Numi> "Does anyone know how to do a screen dump in unix?"
<Numi> 5 minutes and no reply, so I modify it a bit
<Numi> "Two hot girls are stripping on webcam for me, how do i take a picture to show you guys?"
<Numi> 13 offers of assistance within 2 minutes. Brilliant.
#684098 +(767)- [X]
<zip> IRC really has terrible markup. So many unclosed tags.
<zip> Oops. </zip>
#684273 +(552)- [X]
<Oddness> Is it safe to put a 100W lightbulb in a 60W outlet?
<Atma-Mage> Do you enjoy having a face full of glassy shards of red-hot pain?
<Fire_i> Read: Yes, it is.
#684453 +(693)- [X]
<leoboiko> I wanted to search for that flamewar in which Linus called the Gnome guys "fucking idiots"
<leoboiko> so I googled for "torvalds gnome fucking"
<leoboiko> luckly, google still doesn't give you exactly what you ask for
#684758 +(355)- [X]
<IanT> is it just me
<IanT> or is it a little creepy that my mp3 player put "call me when you're sober" right next to "date rape"
#685013 +(455)- [X]
<Warbum> Hey guys, I'm guilty of "intellectual property theft"
<Warbum> The other day, I walked into a library, got out a book, went home, and read it.
<Warbum> And the copywright holders didn't even get a dime!
#685122 +(2041)- [X]
Faustmaster300:My friend got kicked out of french once.
Faustmaster300:He goes,'Madam! I have a joke for you!'
Faustmaster300:'What is it Zach?'
Faustmaster300:'Why wasn't Jesus born in Paris?'
Faustmaster300:'THEY COULDN'T FIND THREE WISE MEN!'
Faustamster300: and after about 10 min of sitting the hallway, he pops his head back in the door and goes, 'Oh, and they couldn't find a virgin either.'
#685262 +(479)- [X]
<Bushka|W0rkzo0rz> so i ditched her didnt answer her calls etc
<Bushka|W0rkzo0rz> and she totally brushed me
<Bushka|W0rkzo0rz> and hooked up with my mate
<joop`> so you fucked him to make her jealous?
#685293 +(2418)- [X]
<blotch> heres a cool office trick
<blotch> unscrew the speaker part of your coworkers phone and throw in a roll of quarters and seal it back up
<blotch> then after about 2 months of them being used to the weight remove the coins when they're away
<blotch> and watch them lift the phone the next time someone calls and bash themselves in the face
#685827 +(1550)- [X]
<cheater> legal drinking age in poland is "i have 3 dollars"
#685900 +(46)- [X]
Corey: that butterfinger commercial
Corey: has got to be the worst marketing idea i've ever heard of
Corey: it's got that hand with the orange index finger
Corey: and every time i see it
Corey: i can't help but think someone took it in the ass
Corey: or the ear
Corey: or somewhere their finger was NOT supposed to go
#685939 +(1556)- [X]
<pmcall221> I'm wondering when Windows will work they they say it will.
<Kittyflipping> You're criticizing millions of lines of code and you can't even get one sentence right?
#686031 +(538)- [X]
<Nano> Is it "cheating" or wrong to mastubate over another chick when your married?
<Syco> thats like asking is it rape if they smile?
<Nano> wtf... no its not :/
#686184 +(162)- [X]
F4T4L: by making TV's bigger all we're doing is making black people stronger
F4T4L: soon they'll rule the world
#686305 +(794)- [X]
actualism: if you bet an emo kid 20 bucks that he won't kill himself, you'll either be 20 bucks richer or break even
#686488 +(453)- [X]
greyfox80988: The average American spends 6 years in the bathroom, and 6 months at a stoplight.
greyfox80988: I want to know who figures this stuff out o_o
greyfox80988: Cause that's what I'm gonna be when I grow up ^_^
#686929 +(731)- [X]
<ArianaK> I want my money back.
<ArianaK> I forgot the name of the tea I'm drinking thats supposed to help your memory
#687224 +(56)- [X]
9mm: I suppose Steve Irwin should have worn sunblock to protect from harmful rays.