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#670270 +(1005)- [X]

PinkBabe571: i have to beat guys off with a stick
PinkBabe571: =/
ALLSTAR4212: just beat them off with your hands

#670334 +(743)- [X]

JakerzInc> so here i am
JakerzInc> logging into irc
JakerzInc> and the first thing I see is "hard throbbing cock"
Anfael> that's normal, that's how you know it works

#670335 +(2120)- [X]

John423: I love her with all my <3.
Acsabh: You love her with all your less than 3? Inches?

#670375 +(16147)- [X]

<JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z
<JonTG> wait, shit

#670420 +(813)- [X]

<shyster> the other day
<shyster> my girlfriend asked me about my wildest fantasies
<shyster> I probably shouldn't have told her they all involved other women

#670444 +(534)- [X]

<impl> If I were a cow and getting assraped, I wouldn't just be thinking
<crimsun> you'd be using emacs.
<crimsun> woops, ECHANNEL
<iank> That doesn't make sense, but it sounds like he's making fun of emacs so I like it.

#670448 +(58)- [X]

<Miri> Can I give you an e-hug?
<Jade_Work> yes of course Miri >.>
* Miri e-hugs Jade
<Rollyn> I want an e-mug
<Jade_Work> with e-coffee? :P
<Rollyn> So I could sip my e-soda
<Rollyn> Until I've had more than e-nough

#670450 +(286)- [X]

<balls> my sister is an idiot
<balls> my dad was doing something with our phones, so he called my brother (who was at work) to turn off his cell phone.  this WHOLE TIME my sister is right at his side.  so when hes done, he tells my sister to call my brother and tell him that its ok to turn his cell phone on.  so she calls his cell phone, walks into the room and goes "hes not picking up, so i left a message"

#670471 +(57)- [X]

<loo> every fucking bj should be two-handed
<mit3> actually it pretty much depends.
<mit3> like what if you ask the girl to choke herself.
<mit3> you gotta pick your poison

#670637 +(222)- [X]

<Lucy> Anyways... Like no one is online coz it's friday and everyone is doing stuff and it's not fucking fair coz I wasn't invited.
<OnslaughtSix> Aww.
<Lucy> Yeah, that's right!
<Lucy> So you have to be nice to me!
<OnslaughtSix> brb
<OnslaughtSix> Sorry, I had to get my violin to play you a sad song on.

#670728 +(427)- [X]

<Blarrrg> Holy shit, best idea for a doormat ever.
<Blarrrg> 10 HOME
<Blarrrg> 20 SWEET
<Blarrrg> 30 GOTO 10

#670911 +(881)- [X]

<Sic> I seen a story about a guy who took the horse cock up the ass but it was angled so it pushed in all the way, he died from internal bleeding.. There was a whole video. :p
<LLora> your ass is designed for poop
<LLora> not for horse cock
<antek> i wonder what the last thing going through his head was
<antek> BESIDES A HORSE'S COCK

#670925 +(1043)- [X]

<Lapsus> Okay, I get an error beep, anyone want to help me decipher it?
<Lapsus> it's just regular, long beeps.
<Lapsus> beeeeeeep. beeeeeeeep...
<Fox> its gaydar. it must be picking up on a local source

#671042 +(361)- [X]

handler.: germans like american wrestlers
nos-spec: yeah cause american wrestlers look like german girls

#671062 +(467)- [X]

<Phroziac> why do they make such huge suvs?
<Phroziac> i went to a car dealership today and saw one with a hood that was higher than the roof on my friend's volvo.
<Phroziac> and it's an OL, it's not like it's a small car.
<Dawson> At the rate they're going, there will be SUVs big enough to use Hummer H1s as escape pods.

#671126 +(541)- [X]

<Mandi> why can't I find the picture I want
<Borgs> that's because the governement closes those sites and procecute people who download those sorts of pictures

#671178 +(103)- [X]

<pg> you canít rape the willing.
<pg> rape is the first casualty of consent.

#671221 +(551)- [X]

<Vermilion> So I was pushing a Laserjet in a handtruck, and then I saw this lady pushing a baby in a stroller, and suddenly I felt like such a loser.

#671254 +(163)- [X]

<fichen973> Your porn is so old that the women in the pictures have offspring with their own porn sites.

#671620 +(901)- [X]

<fiednmade> also before last year of my mom accusing me of being crazy for talking to people over the internet
<fiednmade> she thought I wasn't really talking to other people
<fiednmade> but to myself in some sort of game
<fiednmade> and I got medicated and placed in an institution for three months

#671747 +(233)- [X]

<Chichi> have u ever been up to neck in pussy?
<Ree Cakes> Yeah, when you stand by me.

#671819 +(618)- [X]

<Grover> On my linux box, I once swapped out the motherboard, put in a new video card, doubled the RAM, installed a CD burner, installed a RAID array of (6) 200GB SATA Drives, and overclocked the CPU without ever rebooting it
<Rusty> Didn't you reboot it a few weeks ago?
<Grover> Yeah, I had to reboot to install my Thumb Drive

#671860 +(1302)- [X]

TheMan: Can one person type !add 2+2?
Node: !add 2+2
Aranjedeath: it dont work
Aranjedeath: yeah
Zabikten: $calc(2+2)
Zabikten: hm
Node: !add 2+2
Zabikten: dude
Zabikten: it's fucking 4
Zabikten: why do you need a calculator?

#672030 +(331)- [X]

<BackF> like a month ago, i moved my mousepad to the left of the keyboard
<BackF> to practice, i wanted to switch mouse-hand.
<BackF> so, when i got used to it, i went and bought a lefthandmouse
<BackF> i spent 2 hours wondering why i was rightclicking all the time

#672235 +(897)- [X]

<Method> good evening gentlemen.
<Method> would you like to play a game?
<Method> It's called "guess what intoxicated state I'm in".
<Method> It's really fun.
<Method> on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being the least, 2 being the most, and 10 being somewhere around the middle...

#672497 +(701)- [X]

<equiraptor> Sheesh. A hardware review site has been blocked as pornography!
<equiraptor> I guess our sysadmins really must be geeks...

#672549 +(655)- [X]

<MLu> how clever of me
<MLu> to go out drinking today
<MLu> i work tomorrow
<MLu> how's that for a drunken haiku

#672555 +(666)- [X]

<@Fallaware> oh fuck
<@Fallaware> apparently you can't select 3 gigs of mps and do "play in foobar"
<@Fallaware> I have like 10,000 instances of foobar running
<@Fallaware> holy fucking shit.
<@Fallaware> I don't know what to do about this
<@Fallaware> except restart.
<@Fallaware> this has to be the best argument for foobar
<@Fallaware> 10000 instances does not cause significant slowdown.

#672642 +(55)- [X]

arcanis41190: im so pissed that i spilled chlorine on my shorts
arcanis41190: it was a good pair too
arcanis41190: not even a sharpie is working
arcanis41190: magic marker my ass

#672690 +(585)- [X]

<Paragon> :j
<Metal_Massacre> is that supposed to be a happy guy with herpes?

#672706 +(1519)- [X]

<Kaleidoscope> Alright, so this hermaphrodite walks into a bar..
<r3c0n> go fuck urself
<Kaleidoscope> Oh, so you've heard this one before..

#672988 +(1505)- [X]

<kam`> you know... i used to have a crush on you
<Katie> Oh? and what did you learn?
<kam`> i have very low standards

#673012 +(391)- [X]

<Dezner> that was the bitchiest security sticker I've ever removed from a CD case :x
<Blackjak> what CD?
<Dezner> Excel Saga Great Experiment 2 :O
<Blackjak> ...I was going to say something about whatever band being hardass
<Blackjak> but fuck man, get laid

#673097 +(246)- [X]

<FrogboY> i hate this, i have pretty much no transfer limit for the next 9 days and can't think of anything to download
<Rambo_6> get a virus
<Rambo_6> or fill your harddrive with beastiality
<Rambo_6> whichever comes first

#673145 +(325)- [X]

Dudespunk7: 90% of domestic abuse happens due to shitty compaq products.
Dudespunk7: They don't want to ruin their expensive shit so they take it out on the wife, or kids.
Famethrow1: and because that bitch doesn't vacuum.
Dudespunk7: Exactly.

#673211 +(1111)- [X]

Pugsley: someone called me from a bar last night and I don't know who
Pugsley: the song hip hop hooray was playing
Pugsley: so they may have been calling from 1992

#673290 +(364)- [X]

<terminal> sir you must do it
<terminal> and film it
<Tark-Indy> yeah my flatmate is in there whipping the weasel and I go kool-aid man on him
<Tark-Indy> OH YEAH

#673372 +(2061)- [X]

itchy92: Aha! I figured out why all the 1337 hackers in movies use Linux.
theNihil: Um, because it's mysterious and unknown to mainstream movie viewers?
itchy92: No, man. It generates so much output so easily.
itchy92: Need a scrolling console window to make it look like you're doing something? Type any nonsensical word with a verbose switch and BAM! you've got scrolling text for like 3 hours. So it seems like you're engaging in some hardcore NSA decrypting when in fact, you're compiling ksolitaire or something.

#673540 +(221)- [X]

<Sohcahtoa> When I first saw that image, I said "This is so obviously photoshopped.  NOBODY has a nutsack that hangs THAT low."
<Yosh|Surf> wait
<Yosh|Surf> how did my girlfriends picture get back into discussion?

#673771 +(2439)- [X]

< Codegen> one day my gf and I were watching TV, when the news reports came on talking about how there were suicide bombers in london, and how they destroyed the transit system. The news reporters said that these bombing were similar to the previous suicide bombings from a week before. Then my gf turns to me and asks, "Do you think that they are the same suicide bombers?"

#673833 +(769)- [X]

<nmopal> Now if I had to follow a religion it would be whatever them clapping black people follow.
<nmopal> That looks fun.

#673877 +(29)- [X]

<cy> so i went to the store and bought some hebrew national hot dogs right
<borndbad> huh?
<borndbad> wtf is that?
<cy> and i got home.. and i look.. there's fuckin 7 hot dogs in the pack
<cy> not 8 like a normal pack, but 7
<cy> im like fuck the jews jewed me again

#673912 +(856)- [X]

<@Raeven0> What's the difference between array $_GET and array $_REQUEST
<+Matrixfan> one is polite

#674006 +(304)- [X]

Madrigal: I once went to an Applebee's with my ex-boyfriend.
Madrigal: We had this waitress named Jinko.
Madrigal: He accidentally called her Plinko.
Madrigal: She came back with five coasters.

#674136 +(1100)- [X]

<BrettBits> My website's stat counter uses Javascript to detect whether or not my viewers have Javascript enabled.
<BrettBits> Naturally, it appears that 100% of the people visiting my website have Javascript enabled.

#674262 +(1905)- [X]

<Jesus> The guy does not understand the concept of the "Shift" key
<Noser> the what key/

#674312 +(1236)- [X]

<Truin> anyone seen Bush lately? 
<Espresso> nope
<Espresso> wait
<Espresso> the band, the man, or the body part?
<Truin> take your pick
<Espresso> the answer is still nope

#674379 +(1)- [X]

<fonz> that's all black people are
<fonz> they're white people with chocolate instead of blood
<stav> hence all the stabbings
<fonz> exactly they are just looking for the golden ticket

#674532 +(1329)- [X]

Dev100666: I bet in 1997 you would not have guessed you would be getting married before duke nukem forever came out

#674686 +(429)- [X]

chickenrising: if playing an actual guitar picks up girls, playing a video game about playing the guitar is sure to pick up some sort of girl... it only makes sense


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