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#663126 +(1757)- [X]

<Xeph> fuck
<Xeph> i meant to create 2 rar files at 200000000 bytes a piece
<Xeph> not 200000000 files
<Xeph> at 2 bytes a piece

#663208 +(408)- [X]

<RetardedMonkey> Fuck I drink too much coke
<RetardedMonkey> 4 x 1.25L bottles
<RetardedMonkey> 2 x 2L bottles
<RetardedMonkey> 2 x 600ML bottles
<moth> Say hello to my little friend - diabetes

#663304 +(735)- [X]

<greggk> will somebody please tell me why, in our self-proclaimed conservative society, do homophobic parents teach their children "rub a dub dub, three /men/ in a tub"?
<greggk> not only does it endorse homosexuality and promiscuity, but it also implants children with the false stereotype that all butchers and bakers are sodomites.
<joshmunki> what about the candlestick makers?
<greggk> actually, the rhyme is right about them. they're all assdildo fags.

#663354 +(1921)- [X]

<Chalklatemilk> ok so im wacking off to a video of two lesbians fucking eachother
<Chalklatemilk> then i hear my mom walking down the hall to this room
<Chalklatemilk> so i quickly close the video
<Chalklatemilk> then she walks in and im sitting with my pants down, left hand around the cock, and she looks at me...then looks at the screen...my desktop was open and had three naked gnomes standing by a fireplace...the look on her face as she left the room will stick with me till the day i die.

#663380 +(151)- [X]

rated U for ugly: Maybe they should put the IRS at the border instead...
rated U for ugly: cause illegals
rated U for ugly: seem to be afraid of paying taxes

#663524 +(1843)- [X]

SpUnGe14: I should name my nuts Trinidad and Tobago
skater067: or
skater067: the virgin islands
SpUnGe14: Ouch

#663726 +(441)- [X]

<drjazz> I don't use an IP address, too dangerous
<DeeTee> yeah, all those websites kept telling me my ip address. was like wtf, so i rang my ISP and asked them to delete it.
<drjazz> indeed, I got that error that my computer was broadcasting an IP address
<drjazz> took care of that shit pronto
<DeeTee> oh hell yeah, cant have that shit out there for those fucking crazies to use.

#664028 +(765)- [X]

< alx> wow irc feels like television right now
< alx> 75 channels and not a thing worth watching

#664122 +(1064)- [X]

<DjK> well, I noticed that the noise my kid makes when he gets into a tantrum at the shops wanting chocolate is EXACTLY the same noise he makes when I accidentally cut off the top of his finger when he's helping me prepare the carrots.
<Rovie> ...
<DjK> and they say I'm a bad parent - but I notice these little things!

#664245 +(1519)- [X]

firedevilsfriend: dude! skype for pocket pc
firedevilsfriend: that means I can use my cell phone as... a phone!

#664248 +(1259)- [X]

<Lynxis> so i was outside today..
<Lynxis> i seen this bird chasing after this a butterfly
<Lynxis> my first thought was that the bird was probably trying to rape the butterfly
<Lynxis> then my second thought was maybe the butterfly was playing hard to get
<Lynxis> and my third thought was "Wow, I must really hang out in the wrong places on the internet."

#664268 +(-128)- [X]

<kaleido> Instead of distributing condoms in gay bars and at productions of the play "Rent," where they might have done some good, Koop insisted on distributing condoms in kindergarten classes, in prder to emphasize the point that AIDS does not discriminate, which it does.
<kaleido> i got suspended in 7th grade over some shit like that
<kaleido> <teacher> straight people can get aids too
<kaleido> <me> name one
<kaleido> they had me on the curb out front waiting for my mom to pick me up so fast i wasnt sure if id been expelled or just suspended

#664308 +(413)- [X]

<ratSrdnaW> One time.. I went to the store and got some clothes.. and went to the changing room to try them on.. get the key from the lil attendant lady.. then I shouted out.. "oh man! we're out of toilet paper in here!"

#664348 +(578)- [X]

<ScriptBlue> the first thing I've been invited to in high school was our graduation party

#664427 +(2226)- [X]

Magus5311: I got a C- in Spanish 1.
Magus5311: Then I got a summer job doing construction
Magus5311: Next year I had an A+

#664440 +(704)- [X]

schraitle: have you ever noticed how geeks and the rest of the world are going backwards from each other?
schraitle: i mean, the geeks started on email and chatrooms, while the rest of the world were using phones
schraitle: and now, everyone's using text messaging and stuff on their cell phones, while the geeks have VoIP and skype
schraitle: somebody's going the wrong way

#664482 +(566)- [X]

<@Witchlord> omg
<@Witchlord> I just thought of a website that I had to go to
<@Witchlord> and then for some reason went to hotmail instead, when I havent needed to go to hotmail in over 5 years
<@Witchlord> and my first thought was "holy shit, i drove home this drunk"

#664484 +(1909)- [X]

<@Ustas> Sigh. Got to go buy some food. A mouse hung itself in my fridge and left a note "can't live like this"

#664485 +(741)- [X]

Godchicken: One of my co-worker's roommates is a total myspace whore. She's gone through 5 boyfriends in 4 months plus other random dates... and all off Myspace.
Godchicken: I want a piece of it before she's all worn out
Method: Put a quarter on her head and call next, like in the arcade

#664495 +(1564)- [X]

<Mod> So, how many are you inviting?
<Ned> Dunno. I'll check the random number generator.
<Ned> Oh. It says 22345780
<Ned> We're gonna have to get more dip.

#664605 +(220)- [X]

<Jake> Caffeine and I are getting along well today.
<Nismorack> Didn't you break up?
<Jake> We talked it over
<Storm> how the hell could you break up with caffeine?
<Storm> that's just insanity
<Jake> I already have to deal with transient insomnia
<Jake> Caffeine just compounds the issue.

#664684 +(620)- [X]

<krangface> man fucking big brother... border security... soon they're gonna have a show called the fascist purge... which consists of people being rounded up and systematically shot
<drexen> that's the 'war on terrorism'

#664742 +(2153)- [X]

<AsPHy> if you could torrent hardware it would be awesome
<Doitle> If we disregard logic, we can do all kinds of fun things!

#664753 +(677)- [X]

<TheWickerMan> My cousin
<TheWickerMan> Is the epitome
<TheWickerMan> of stupidity
<TheWickerMan> I told her to clean the turkey for some dumb party we are having
<TheWickerMan> And she puts it in the oven right
<TheWickerMan> and sets it to
<TheWickerMan> "clean"
<TheWickerMan> and I was like "y u do dat"
<TheWickerMan> "oh the oven has a clean setting"
<TheWickerMan> so we all ate
<TheWickerMan> TV dinners that night

#664770 +(3189)- [X]

<overkill_78> So this chick came over today.
<overkill_78> We talked for hours.
<overkill_78> Then she went to go take a piss.
<overkill_78> I busted in on her while she was pissing, and she got mad at me.
<overkill_78> So I trapped her in my room and set my room on fire.
<overkill_78> Fucking bitch is dead now.
<camdaman86> How are you not in jail?
<overkill_78> It was in The Sims.

#664845 +(3840)- [X]

<Merrick178> OMFG
<Merrick178> My Mom just called and I sound like my dad
<Merrick178> She said "Is that you?" I said "Yea" She said "Im glad you answered cause boy am I horny!"
<Merrick178> WTF

#664847 +(1365)- [X]

<+Zeraliten> FUCK!! That cat needs to die a horrible death. He's chewed through the wires on my $120 headset
<@CCFreak2K> Zeraliten, electrical tape can take care of that.
<Teqonix> What, killing the cat, or fixing the headphones?

#664898 +(954)- [X]

<Chappy> how did you go online?
<Quasi> I'm on someone else's wireless.
<Chappy> oh really??? that s great!
<Quasi> It's not too bad, but I have to stay completely still or it disconnects.
<Quasi> I'm getting horrific leg cramps, but great download speeds.

#665000 +(933)- [X]

<neotiger> jesus damn I'm bored
<neotiger> nothing to do all day but sit on IRC or play games
<neotiger> woo.
<^Migs^> are you at work or something?

#665115 +(581)- [X]

maus: man do I need a wifi card for my laptop; I tried to plug into a router at a downtown coffee shop and they got all mad at me

#665198 +(756)- [X]

sluissa: I feel sorry for gay people in america who are saving themselves for marriage.

#665552 +(927)- [X]

<pete_> Dude, if I ever become an emt
<pete_> I'm so driving the ambulance to a funeral home,
<pete_> Walk in and just be like, "Hey, sorry if I'm late..."

#665565 +(-211)- [X]

<wixard> so... anybody know of any cool soldering irons?
<nugent> yeah the soldermatic4000 supermax version 2.0

#665628 +(876)- [X]

<Derkum> You know your mom has humour when her password to the computer is "divorce05"

#665705 +(3113)- [X]

<LenaWarrior> Does Australia float around or is it stuck there
<KoreaPro> Are you serious?

#665715 +(52)- [X]

<&arcanum> IdleRPG is like Runescape only with better graphics.

#665751 +(275)- [X]

<addeman> the difference between me and a soccer player is that i score then shoot

#665792 +(196)- [X]

<djbjrca> Loonietoon: what OS are you on
<Loonietoon> im not on os
<Loonietoon> isnt that mac
<Loonietoon> im windows

#665807 +(9185)- [X]

omg its zack wtf: my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

#665846 +(352)- [X]

[Warmonger] my phone is always off in fact
[AstralSin] my grandma would kick my ass if i didnt answer every once in a while
[AstralSin] and of course, there's always the slim hope that a girl will call
[AstralSin] but they never do
[AstralSin] other than my grandma, but thats not the same
[Warmonger] someone else's grandma maybe
[AstralSin] ew

#665959 +(342)- [X]

spaceinvader455: heh
spaceinvader455: I saw lake house yesterday
spaceinvader455: and when they first started trading letters
spaceinvader455: (the guy that lives in '04 and the girl that lives in '06)
spaceinvader455: I thought to myself, "Ok, first letter, So, how was star wars episode III?"

#665971 +(54)- [X]

<Winchester> I just watched a PSA video of how to save ourselves from atomic bombs in the `40s.
<Winchester> And I realized: "Oh, shit, we`re at risk."
<Winchester> And then I watched a video of the Brady kids and I was too happy to care.
<Winchester> Conclusion: The Ruskies used the Brady kids to distract us.
<Winchester> Reason for Failure: The Bradys lacked musical talent and Jan was an emo bitch.

#666045 +(614)- [X]

<Glock> So i attended this sudden death the other day, a guy hung himself
<Glock> The guys partner was there and said he'd been pretty depressed lately
<Glock> Then my stupid partner says 'Has he ever done anything like this before?'
<Glock> Should have seen the confused face of the poor girl
<Izzy> Maybe it was jesus....he'll come back

#666104 +(538)- [X]

pugg: My worst gig was doing sales on salary + commission.
pugg: That's sort of like being a waiter, except you have to go out on the street, pull people into the restaurant, and convince them they're hungry.
pugg: Also, you don't get your tip until a month after they've finished eating.

#666214 +(1414)- [X]

«%[indy]Muaddib» I'm so in the closet, I'm practically in Narnia

#666394 +(1981)- [X]

<BigMac> Omg, My dad’s just died suddenly in hospital…
<BigMac> I’m gonna go see his corpse in the morgue…
<Pleston> I doubt that.
<BigMac> What?
<Pleston> Well, firstly, any person would go see their father BEFORE mourning to us about it.
<Pleaston> Secondly, I remember your other father dying about two weeks ago, on another chat.
** BigMac has quit (quit: Stfu)
<Pleaston> Thought so

#666406 +(547)- [X]

<@Efrael> Funny thing about hard drives: the bigger they are, the more porn you download.
<@Efrael> After a while it seems that there was no upgrade at all.

#666428 +(1033)- [X]

TTim2627: i try to restrain from illegal activities on sundays
igcatastrophe:really? I don't. i figure, gods resting, get him in his blindspot
TTim2627: africa?

#666469 +(150)- [X]

<punkomatic> so i saw superman last nite...not only did it suck, but it was super predictable and super emotionless.
<youSuck> Well of course it was emotionless. if superman showed his super feelings, he'd be emo-man
<youSuck> lol "I'm EmoMan! my tears of Justice will destroy you!"

#666516 +(866)- [X]

<godix> Well, I know my NES was picky, if you didn't touch it in the right way it wouldn't let you play anything at all. Kinda like a woman actually...
<Aqua|Editing> I thought it was more like a man, because it wouldn't work unless you blew it.

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