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#653125 +(371)- [X]

<Royall> Hey everyone, did you know it's illegal to destroy coins or bills?
<Royall> Those are the govenment's, they are just lending it to you.
<Monstro> Which means they can take it back at any moment!
<Royall> Yea
<Royall> It's called tax.

#653227 +(418)- [X]

Kristopolous: I don't think we should have thermometers, speedometers, or odometers.
Kristopolous: This is America damn it!
Kristopolous: Thermofeet, speedofeet, and odofeet for me, thank you very much!

#653295 +(804)- [X]

<lostmx89> ok i like this torrent thing but when you turn off your computer how do you make sure it is still downlowding

#653631 +(543)- [X]

<vintendo> yesterday we had to pull the plug on my grandma, i needed the outlet for my laptop.

#653759 +(633)- [X]

<Ian-W> lesbian porn
<Ian-W> actually lesbian/gay porn
<Ian-W> because its like two girls that are guys
<CK-[away]> what would you call 2 hermaphrodites
<Ian-W> tetris

#653828 +(2012)- [X]

<reva> so I was babysitting my cousin's kid the other day.  who's like, 15 months old.
<reva> he was trying to get up on the computer chair, so i put him up there.
<reva> he just starts randomly banging on the keyboard randomly
<reva> and the first thing that pops up says "Are you sure you want to delete Internet Explorer?" 
<reva> I hit "no" (because it's my parents computer).
<reva> so he starts hitting more keys...
<reva> the next thing that comes up: "Are you sure you want to delete Outlook Express?"
<reva> ...I've never had more hope for humanity than that moment.

#653976 +(1367)- [X]

<Leonn> Apparently the military has been experimenting with lasers that are supposed to fire at the speed of light.
<Glaive> No shit.

#654066 +(296)- [X]

<Dann> this is so sad...
<Dann> i want to find the "super mario bros movie" on limewire, just for old times' sake... but guess what my first search result is?
<Dann> the 40 year old virgin

#654091 +(367)- [X]

<Zahava> <3<3happy valentines everybody!!<3<3
<@Silva> Roses are Red
<@Silva> Violets are Blue
<@Silva> i could never love you
<@Silva> because you're 1/16 jew
* Zahava has quit IRC (quit: )

#654170 +(2080)- [X]

D1v1d3 8y Z3r0: i got owned by my bio TA earlier in the year
D1v1d3 8y Z3r0: she was like "So, what are some possible effects from mutated genes?"
D1v1d3 8y Z3r0: i said "Well, it could cause different coding of proteins, or it could cause you to develop special powers, like retractable claws from your hands"
D1v1d3 8y Z3r0: the TA was like, "Wrong.  Those claws are government implants.  Wolverine's mutant power is his healing ability."

#654194 +(432)- [X]

<Mr_Owen> I really think I should have been born Asian. Being white sucks, anyway, and I don’t like country music or tailgating or alcohol or owning engineless trucks or never mowing my lawn or not wearing a shirt or screwing fat chicks at all. So I’ve been trying to come up with a word for someone who’s white on the outside, but yellow in the inside.
<mirasaki> Like the opposite of Twinkie?
<Mr_Owen> Yeah. Exactly.
<mirasaki> Well, what’d you come up with?
<Mr_Owen> I don’t know. The only thing I could think of was a toilet… And once I thought about that, damned if I could get it out of my head.
<mirasaki> You’re storing information endlessly! You really are Asian!

#654551 +(45)- [X]

<Seraph> wow, on gamefaqs, they have this "top 10 games that work on mac"
<Seraph> I didn't even know there were games that would run on macs
<Zack> Well now that macs can boot windows they're not quite as useless
<Seraph> true, but it's just creepy, like a polo player going to nascar

#654603 +(999)- [X]

<blazemore> my brother is in a quake3 clan
<blazemore> and he had a ctf game tonight
<blazemore> we were walking out of tilt
<blazemore> his friend goes "dude hurry up, you're gonna be late for you clan meeting"
<blazemore> and these black guys were walking by
<blazemore> and looked like they were about to kick our asses

#654608 +(754)- [X]

Charmaine----: I'm a 26 year old single mom ;-)
Kolobos Psychi: Holy crap! a black women IMed me! @_@
Charmaine----: How did you know I was black?

#654674 +(1130)- [X]

<sh4ve> hehe, i wrote a assembly proggy to convert normal numbers to roman ^^
<GodOfGoats> You are so MCCCXXXVII

#654677 +(127)- [X]

Begging to Limp: heh
Begging to Limp: so, apparently al gore's last speech on global warming flopped badly
Begging to Limp: he gave a speech last winter in new york city on global warming
Begging to Limp: the result? -1 degree fahrenheit average temperature for the day, the coldest day in new york's history
Begging to Limp: when mother nature disagrees, she proves it

#654788 +(285)- [X]

<Sid> I'm running a joke so far into the ground it'll become the next major oil supply.

#654797 +(546)- [X]

<Greenbox> the place i ordered chicken parmesan from forgot the chicken
<Greenbox> so instead of calling and complaining, like a normal person would
<Greenbox> I used asterisk and called them from the number of the department of health
<Greenbox> and told them a random screening of their food had just been conducted, and they failed miserably
<Greenbox> so they were ordered not to serve food until an inspection later today

#654840 +(354)- [X]

<Kero> I'm so emo i wear square contacts.

#655055 +(992)- [X]

<Heiler> I feel stupid asking this, but how many pints are in a cup?
<Swinky> it depends on how big the cup is
<Heiler> Thanks, suddenly I don't feel so stupid.

#655064 +(1018)- [X]

sw0813: you know, the movie ray really was inspiring
sw0813: he was blind, and yet still managed to hit his wife
sw0813: that means either of two things:
sw0813: 1. his wife was stupid or
sw0813: 2. he wasnt really blind
sw0813: i mean seriously, was it like "marco," "polo" WHAM!

#655157 +(437)- [X]

<Eddo36> sometimes I feel like shit, you know, what sick shit I get off to. but I can't change
<Littlelisa> You know eddo, if you never said anything, people may like you
<Eddo36> if i never said anything, who would know me?
<Littlelisa> thats the point

#655201 +(560)- [X]

<Beowulf> ever since I switched to wireless I get disconnected whenever I get a phone call
<Beowulf> :(
<squirrel_remote> What's your phone number?
<Beowulf> fuck you

#655302 +(1277)- [X]

<Orphic> you any good at physics?
<meowcow> when i run into a wall i usually stop

#655324 +(738)- [X]

<kosh> we have a bug that occurs on the 31st of a month
<kosh> so once a month we get a bug report
<kosh> it gets assigned to a developer within 24 hours
<kosh> who then fiddles for a bit before marking it "unable to reproduce"

#655518 +(308)- [X]

<Rolan> I think black people on TV is illegal in Texas
<CatSkills> and it will remain so until they televise executions

#655627 +(463)- [X]

<Nacho> So, you have several types of tourist: You have the "I'm on vacation, so I'm just gonna relax" types, that just wear comfy clothes.
<Nacho> You then have the "I'm in some place special, so I'm going to dress nice" types.
<Nacho> And then you have the "What happens in $location stays in $location, so I'm going to dress like an exhibitionist slut" types.  I like those... ;-)

#655652 +(837)- [X]

Sleepaholic88: >>>
Sleepaholic88: Err. I tried to capitalize a period so it would be bigger.

#655659 +(206)- [X]

<Shadow> A super computer running on Windows XP? Thats like a tight rope walker walking on barbed wire...

#655706 +(1127)- [X]

<AwwJeah> I want to fill a super soaker with cheap vodka and spray down other drivers.
<AwwJeah> Then call the police and tell them I think they're driving drunk.
<AwwJeah> Because, seriously, who would believe that story?

#655775 +(452)- [X]

<codyryan> because men, have problem controlling their testosterone
<Skiz> not me I'm a pretty good shot.

#655859 +(723)- [X]

<@pinata> i am going to be patenting my new method of internet access.
<@pinata> it will be 6 times as fast...
<@pinata> but drop 90% of all of your connections.
<@pinata> i will call it ADHDSL

#655875 +(715)- [X]

<HarbPBN> I got home at like 4am.
<TruckPBN> Get layed?
<ebolaaaa> Isn't it "laid"?
<TruckPBN> ebolaaaa: I'm married... I dont remember.

#656065 +(289)- [X]

ClonaZjeveni5: It isn't a biased opinion
ClonaZjeveni5: its true
xenotwuz: I'm thinking your opinion on biased opinions is biased.

#656271 +(620)- [X]

<Rathen> Ha, this torrent of United93 is 747mb big. Beautiful.

#656312 +(1695)- [X]

<Razhal> The internet is a beautiful place....
<Razhal> Because no matter what kind of twisted freak you are, you've got a friend out there :D
<Razhal> You could ask the internet "Find people who have sex with goats on fire."
<Razhal> And internet will ask you, "What kind of goats?"

#656346 +(231)- [X]

nocashvaluedrumz: they need to reinvent the internet
nocashvaluedrumz: so i can enjoy it with both hands

#656426 +(305)- [X]

(+Cafe`) I am into AZN GANGSTAS
(tehjeebus|x) gangstas that can do math... that means they're the worst people to buy crack from

#656458 +(895)- [X]

<ido> anywho, i'll go write my own
<ido> it should only take a few hundred lines of coke
<ido> i mean code...

#656481 +(2295)- [X]

Hekili_Manu: Ok. So I called my bank's fraud dept about that hotels.com letter I got since I apparently used them twice with two different cards. I forgot completely that when I signed up you can assign your own security question online.
Hekili_Manu: So when I called and spoke to the guy they use the same security question and he asked me "Ok, I just need to verify one thing. How big is your c**k?"

#656576 +(331)- [X]

<HardlyJW> anyone know how to change an ip?
<lysip> yes
<lysip> clone your mac
<HardlyJW> ?
<HardlyJW> i have windows...

#656592 +(465)- [X]

MightyMooquack> Huh. This is something I've not seen in C code before...
Iconoplast> comments?
Iconoplast> HA HA HA BURN

#656603 +(332)- [X]

<Nick> how come everytime I see the phrase "Future-Proof" I read it as "yesterday's obsolescent"
<Lanei> because you posess sufficient quantities of the cynicism necessary for survival
<Force10> Man, if cynicism is all you need to survive, I'm gonna live to be 150.

#656771 +(806)- [X]

<S_Sprite> oh god
<S_Sprite> all I can hear
<S_Sprite> right now
<S_Sprite> is the squeeking of my housemates mattress
<S_Sprite> I'M TRANSLATING ANCIENT GREEK YOU INSENSITIVE FUCKS
<S_Sprite> well they'll be sorry when my hard studying has got me a PhD in classical studies and all they'll have is MDs from some top-rated med school
<S_Sprite> fuck

#656856 +(798)- [X]

eI pianisto: So..
eI pianisto: I called to complain about the slow DSL speeds.
eI pianisto: and they told me
eI pianisto: that it was because all the kids are out of school and "in their stupid chat rooms"

#656898 +(979)- [X]

<Mikey> So theres this chick at work thats pretty cute
<Mikey> And she saw me outside having a smoke one time on a break
<Mikey> And she goes "You should give that up"
<Mikey> That means she cares about my wellbeing and would possibly sleep with me right?
<stevenst> No, it just means she's an opinionated bitch
<Mikey> :(

#657165 +(544)- [X]

<Eric> I feel bad when handshaking with PuTTY. It supports so many features. "I can tell you what sort of client I am, would you like to know?" "Nope." "Well, in that case, let me just tell you my screen dimensions." "No thanks." "Do you... uh... want to support environment variables? I got some variables." "... no." "Well, I guess it's echo off and raw mode, then."

#657186 +(860)- [X]

<iFx|shade> this guy aidan was aruging with this chick emma at tea
<iFx|shade> and shes like saying it wouldnt hurt that much getting kicked in the balls
<iFx|shade> and he goes spread your legs then and ill kick you in the balls
<iFx|shade> and shes like i dont have balls
<iFx|shade> and he goes who are you trying to kid with a mostache like that
<iFx|shade> and she got up and left

#657206 +(1521)- [X]

<Gayo> I miss being able to type.
<Gayo> It was nice.
<Amy> ...
<Amy> What are you doing now then, using telepathy?
<Gayo> I'm dictating to my secretary
<Gayo> semicolon close parantheses

#657269 +(383)- [X]

<okin^2> hi
<okin^2> how can I retrieve my password?
<@shasta> refresh your memory
<@shasta> :)


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