#648832 +(1285)- [X]
<Prysm> my dad just said 'I just exploded'
<Prysm> and my mom said 'that's not the first time today'
<Prysm> I REALLY HOPE THAT WASN'T SEXUAL
<Prysm> or I will kill myself
<Taidahn`> Prysm, it was
* Prysm dies a little inside
<Taidahn`> Prysm, and a little of your dad probably died inside your mom.
<Taidahn`> Prysm, or maybe on
#648899 +(1917)- [X]
<Nietzche> what kind of weird keyboard are you using
<Nietzche> dvorak or something
<Nietzche> BECAUSE GUESS WHAT
<Nietzche> IM USING QUERTY
<Nietzche> how can i misspell qwerty
#649296 +(1699)- [X]
Iridium24: If there is one thing i can do, its multitask
#649341 +(289)- [X]
<aptget> I have $50 on Duke Nukem Forever finishing before Vista.
<carpespasm> can anyone quote from the bible which comes first, horsemen, ps3, DNF, or vista; I always forget
<soogy> Mark 13:4 "Tell us, when shall these things be? and what [shall be] the sign when all these things shall be fulfilled?"
<soogy> Even the Bible can't save us now.
#649383 +(469)- [X]
<crowke> With the current web2.0 hype, I think Mary Poppins should have an Ajax-powered website at http://super.cali.fragi.listic.expi.ali.do.cio.us.
#649536 +(244)- [X]
<NCommander> Its nothing like coming back from a two month vacation, and discovering a surprise in the toliet
<g4lt-U60> in fact, you've left the TMI thoroughfare and entered the "why the fuck do you have free speech" turnpike
<NCommander> g4lt-U60: I didn't say that surprise was shit.
#649649 +(359)- [X]
<iND-RLM> i heard a good comeback by my friends 13yr old brother the other day
<iND-RLM> his sister was talking it up
<iND-RLM> and he just comes in and says
<iND-RLM> u know if i made a mould of you out of shit.. it would still only be as half as full of shit as you really are
#649664 +(1010)- [X]
<Knightmare> Well that was a night of fear and terror.
<Knightmare> I bought a bag of mushrooms and a bottle of Everclear.
<Knightmare> Settled down for a nice evening of mind altering psychadelia
<Timork> Bad trip huh?
<Knightmare> Horrible, I never want to go through it again.
<Knightmare> Somewhere along the line I installed emacs.
#649693 +(747)- [X]
<MrAccident> My laptop really is like an Etch-a-Sketch now
<MrAccident> The slightest jostling or movement while it is running will cause a BSoD
<MrAccident> And it won't recognize the hard drive after that until you turn the thing upside-down at least once
#649726 +(960)- [X]
<fluffy> blue_: I like how you mistyped 'pwned' as [wned when pwned itself is an intentional reproduction of the common mistyping of owned
<fluffy> I have a feeling that in a few years people will be typing \wned without any shred of irony
#649885 +(1081)- [X]
(Sethy) How many Supreme Court Justices can you guys name?
(Sethy) Aaaand how many members of the Bradey Bunch can you name?
(MasterOfHyrule) Marsha, Cindy, Jane, Peter, Bobby, Greg, Mom, Dad, Alice
(Sethy) ...Now what does that say about you?
#649908 +(945)- [X]
<Litzer> I bought a $3200 escort to take me to the movies last night
<mechanicvirus> a car or a hooker?
#650161 +(728)- [X]
<+Ethelion> i hate how busses come screaming out of no where..
<+Ethelion> it's weird
<+Ethelion> they're like fucking ninjas
<+FlameDrake> 2 tonnes of moving flureo yellow steel ninjas?
#650276 +(1187)- [X]
<Monkey> NERD JOKE
#650283 +(1789)- [X]
<Shaft> i was just reading a news headline and i thought it said "double amputee conquers everquest" and i was like whoa
<Shaft> but is said everest
<Shaft> which is far less impressive
#650334 +(91)- [X]
<@Malf> dude im pranking people on skype
<@Malf> i called this american pizza place
<@Malf> and i go "are you mexican"
<@Malf> "ok i'd like to order a pizza then"
<@Malf> "sorry we dont sell to racists"
#650342 +(703)- [X]
<Sam> But why is it 69 and not 96?
<Sam> Oh wait...
<Tim> :/ Thats a weird fetish and I don't want to know what it is :(
#650354 +(-6)- [X]
<Khobai> ive never seen a fat girl who was bulemic
<Khobai> so apparently the diet works :P
#650542 +(282)- [X]
<SHn> how come its cheaper to fly from brisbane to sydney then the other way?!!!
<disco[burrito]> cause you need all the smart people you can get
#650599 +(1320)- [X]
<*> This mouse wheel is so loud I can beatbox with it.
<*> This is a skill about as far removed from "Hunter Gatherer" as it gets.
#650665 +(-46)- [X]
Nerdmaster I always say backups are for losers anyway.
Nerdmaster I don't believe in "backing up" data. My data moves forward, never backward.
Nerdmaster I'm a forward thinker. A real e-enabler of data.
#650684 +(1299)- [X]
<cathy_n> That's because processed food is so manipulative.
<Yawgatog> Sometimes chicken nuggets force me into situations I am uncomfortable with.
#650829 +(1048)- [X]
spaceinvader455: some people smash guitars after rock concerts
spaceinvader455: I smash keyboards after I type up a school project
#650907 +(915)- [X]
<bill> neo is spending all his time fixing his new van
<Kevin> If its new, why does it need fixing?
<bill> Kevin: heh, if you asked that question about software, it would sound completely idiotic
#651010 +(1946)- [X]
<pengrate> Because, contrary to Window's opinion, searching the internet for ethernet drivers does not go over so well
#651293 +(1365)- [X]
<Vanion> where is everybody from in here?
<Vanion> am I the only american?
<NemoMac> Last time I checked, Indiana was in the USA..
#651378 +(638)- [X]
ThPhox: Dude...there's free Cinemax, and there's porn on.
ThPhox: AAAAnd it's anal.
ThPhox: *does the field goal sign*
SNAPEK1LSDMBLDOR: He shoots, wrong goalll!!!!!!
#651404 +(414)- [X]
<Random> I wanna do a cpu stress test
<Valaris> please to install norton antivirus
<Valaris> and windows
#651411 +(236)- [X]
<Baloo> Supermarkets should have a newbie lane for the self-checkout.
<Baloo> "If you're a loser who hasn't seen the bag boy scan shit at the checkout before, and you've never bought a soda from a vending machine in your life, use this line."
#651418 +(280)- [X]
<Hroth> bush's family supported the nazi's
<videogameaholic> you know who didn't support the nazi's? jews. look what happened to them.
#651467 +(558)- [X]
* kafiend sets mode: -o kafiend
<kafiend> with beer comes great irresponsibility
#652012 +(2404)- [X]
<Brenty> You know, I think the media really fucked up when they called it "software piracy"
<Brenty> Everyone WANTS to be a pirate
<Brenty> If they'd called it "software faggotry" everyone would still buy all their shit
#652068 +(1193)- [X]
<yadrisil> Quit being emo.
<alexsavage> i'm not emo, the glass is half full
<yadrisil> Half full... with tears.
#652212 +(688)- [X]
<fholmes> My 8 month daughter was given her first taste of Gentoo today.
<fholmes> Literally as she ate my boot cd.
#652221 +(684)- [X]
<lunchbox> so get this
<lunchbox> i delivered pizza to the Microshaft building today but I couldn't park close to the door because they have all these fancy picnic tables out back for their employees
<lunchbox> so they're standing there watching me carry all these pizzas to them and I finally get to the door and they stiff me. nothing.
<fallingdogs> are you surprised?
<lunchbox> next time they order I'm going to send them a bunch of empty boxes
<lunchbox> and write stop messages inside
<lunchbox> "0x0000000A" ...
#652242 +(507)- [X]
<Nofrag> It's bullshit, the police won't do a fucking thing. They destroyed one of the transformers now the power's out for twelve blocks
<bawheid> It obviously wasn't one of the better transformers
<bawheid> Optimus Prime, say
#652284 +(812)- [X]
<CaCtus491> I think I have just met the dumbest courier ever
<CaCtus491> I receive parcel
<CaCtus491> Courier hand me a palm/PDA style device for signature
<CaCtus491> Courier hands me a ball point pen to sign with
<CaCtus491> I look at screen and see lots of ink and scratches from previous signatures
<CaCtus491> I smile and say thankyou politely, slowly back away and close the door
<CaCtus491> before breaking into hysterics
#652381 +(950)- [X]
Chutt: my wife drops an earring down the bathroom sink
Chutt: so i take the sink apart and get it back
Chutt: while i'm hooking everything back up, she helpfully cleans out the bucket i used under the drain
Chutt: of course, i called out "it's in the bucket" after she took it
Chutt: but apparently that didn't register. so i got to take apart the basement drain
#652425 +(1164)- [X]
<justie> i did something stupid
<justie> chmod -x chmod
<justie> anyone knows how to fix it?
#652454 +(948)- [X]
<godgrrl43> killing babies before they're born is murder!
<azlo335> I think abortions should be allowed up until two years after the baby is born
<greggk> the splatter pattern on the wall is more satisfying after they're out anyway
** godgrrl143 has left the room
#652472 +(861)- [X]
<Jlax> So we were watching this D.A.R.E. video in health
<Jlax> and they did that thing that they always do.
<Jlax> You know, when they're like,
<Jlax> "If you smoke, THIS will happen to YOU!"
<Jlax> And then they show a picture of a black person.
#652619 +(610)- [X]
<Commander> whoa that's not good
<Commander> the end of my mobile plug (plugged into the USB port on my PC) was sitting in the side of a potplant IN WATER
<Commander> i pulled it out and it said "new usb device found"
<Commander> dunno how long it's been sitting there for
<CompHobbyist> new USB device found: potted plant v.001
<CompHobbyist> power usage for this device: -10W
#652626 +(422)- [X]
<-- djjkotze_home has quit (Quit: setlife -> work())
<lordvetinari> that's not only sad, but syntactically incorrect
#652730 +(597)- [X]
<heywood_jablomi> A lady came in today with her resume written down on notebook paper by hand and asked me if I could help her "copy and paste it onto the internet."
<heywood_jablomi> It was 4:30-ish and I leave at 5, so I told her to hold it up against her monitor for about 45 mins and it would copy itself onto the internet.
#652810 +(471)- [X]
<Kiell> My system clock is gaining one minute every twelve hours.
<Kiell> As a result, I'm completing tasks slightly quicker than normal.
<Kiell> I don't like it.
#652817 +(662)- [X]
mysteryparabola3 : at work today, my boss and another guy were talking about their status on the computer
mysteryparabola3 : and my boss say "oh crap, i'm Amber" and the other guy says "yeah, i used to be Amber"
mysteryparabola3 : and i said "yeah, before the operation"
mysteryparabola3 : he just stared at me
#652858 +(335)- [X]
<Forcepath> i need advice!
<Forcepath> on second thought: asking for advice in IRC is one of the classic movie blunders...
#652870 +(171)- [X]
<Gargoyle> seriously, between dance dance whatthefuck, singstar, and now this, what the fuck is actually wrong with asian people?
<Gargoyle> I blame the americans, after all the japanese people are the only ones to have ever been nuked
#653083 +(633)- [X]
<SSmith> Wow, I was just watching this porno, and the people in it had the same monitor as I used to
#653097 +(674)- [X]
lprocks: can you link me to a place that i can download roms?
lprocks: der i tried and it kept taking me to different sites