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#636215 +(1397)- [X]

<KittieRose> So I get this email from this girl.
<KittieRose> "I made out with a chick and got mono..."
<KittieRose> I email her back.
<KittieRose> "If you'd have made out with two chicks, would you have gotten stereo?"

#636389 +(1818)- [X]

<phex> so you excited for your interview at RIM?
<burnison> yep
<phex> so then you're hoping to get a rim job?
<burnison> hell yes
*phex waits for the pun to set in

#636447 +(1886)- [X]

<mmiikkee12> XD, i just got the best spam message ever
<mmiikkee12> "Make $$$ Fast"
<mmiikkee12> "Hold down your shift and 4 keys at the same time. In about a second you will be making $$$ fast."

#636622 +(250)- [X]

SMARTGIRL483: by the way i think i need to tell you this
SMARTGIRL483: i had a baby by my ex boyfriend
Protege Chris: i should buy you a box of condoms for your next birthday :p... you country girls are just so eager to ride a cowboy
SMARTGIRL483: i cant help that
SMARTGIRL483: it was a girl
SMARTGIRL483: her name is elizabeth allison rainbow johnson
Protege Chris: rofl.. the white trash equivalent of "shaquana"

#636661 +(1819)- [X]

<Shameful_Buffalo> I got bored tonight, so I played the wal mart game, you know where you go to wal mart and see who can get the funniest items together
<Shameful_Buffalo> well I give my friends ryan and taylor $20 and they go off, taylor gets KY Jelly, Camoflauge shorts and Predator on DVD, I get some G2 Pilot pens, A mountain dew, Murray's Superior Afroshine Hair Pomade, 12-pack of Lubed Trojans, a pair of Brinks Luggage Locks with keys, Electrical Tape, and some Reeses Peanut Butter Cups (standard double-cup pack).
<Shameful_Buffalo> Ryan comes back empty handed and this follows, 
  Ryan: "I played your game dude..."
  Taylor: "then where is your stuff?"
  Me: "Yeah, you had to buy something with that 20 I gave you.."
  Ryan "I went to automotive and put a tire on layaway..."
<Shameful_Buffalo> I never laughed so hard in my entire life, I gave him the 10 bucks for winning and walked to the car with my bag of crap.

#636703 +(185)- [X]

Dleet:haha, pornmovietitles are wonderfull ;) "World Poke Her Tour" ^^

#636755 +(1326)- [X]

Flux: I've got a joke for ya...
Jet: Shoot.
Flux: Allright, so these two niggers and two spics walk into a fag bar
Flux: Yeah, I didn't really have a punchline for that one anyways

#636765 +(773)- [X]

<selene|metro> and i thought that i saw you looting
<selene|metro> i thought that i saw you gate friends here
<selene|metro> thats me in the dungeon
<selene|metro> thats me in the twilight, losing my connection

#637196 +(1826)- [X]

<LordPie> which part confuses you more, my complex lexicon or the fact that i beat you with your own logic?
<jestaa> using big words doesn't make you more smarter.
<LordPie> Sorry, let me put it in an language that you can understand
<LordPie> OMG, ROFL LOL!!!!!!!!! J00 GOT OWNED!!11111!!

#637310 +(547)- [X]

<Deek`> I got a GED
<Deek`> I got 2 pts away from a perfect score
<Rick> I almost got one.
<Deek`> Did you fail it? Are you a hillbilly?
<Rick> No.
<Rick> I got a real highschool diploma.

#637552 +(786)- [X]

<aamP> i named my two goldfish 1 and 2
<aamP> because if 1 died i still had 2

#637589 +(421)- [X]

<+ketiov> coheed
<+ketiov> can i get op now
<@Coheed> If you really want op that bad just make a room and make yourself op :\
<+ketiov> i have 5 of those

#637607 +(686)- [X]

(whyte7): do you think porn is degrading to women?
(Zlumpen): only the good stuff.

#637666 +(352)- [X]

<Super_Pirate> "Women age like fine wine"
<Super_Pirate> Show me one woman, one ANYONE for that matter, that tastes better with age . . .
<Super_Pirate> And I'll show you a mental institution for tasting people.

#637722 +(962)- [X]

<Asher_Dorn> somebody suggested that the offical name for our gay straight alliance should be "All You Need Is Love"
<Asher_Dorn> i had to tell him the acronym is AYNIL

#637861 +(205)- [X]

<jbskittlez> dude should i sell myself on ebay
<jbskittlez> sell my virginity on ebay?
<jbskittlez> how much money could i make from that
<lieb39> with or without a pic?

#637964 +(706)- [X]

<LoneVandal> I've heard Korean is the most logical and easy to read written language on earth
<LoneVandal> And that it is way easier to understand than speaking it
<Parn> It's easy to speak Korean
<Parn> See, watch
<LoneVandal> Thats chinese you faggot

#638054 +(486)- [X]

<JasonF> cdrws are cds that you COULD burn twice if they made erasable sharpies

#638088 +(112)- [X]

<@Winternight> helloween sucks
<@Winternight> well, now they suck, they used to rule
<@Argoth> never really listened to em
<@DIABOLICAL> I wish I could've listened to them back when I was in grade school
<@Argoth> why?
<@DIABOLICAL> well, I thought Janet Jackson was "black metal" back then

#638108 +(1011)- [X]

<@cypher> I've never seen the name "Tabitha" used outside of porn
<jasper> I have a cousin named Tabitha
<@cypher> Then I've probably seen pictures of her
<jasper> :-\

#638182 +(1537)- [X]

<Aunt_Kwan> If you
<Aunt_Kwan> press enter
<Aunt_Kwan> before done with a sentance
<Aunt_Kwan> it makes you 
<Aunt_Kwan> look like you
<Aunt_Kwan> have asthma.

#638242 +(229)- [X]

<Hawk|School> i wish emo kids bled money, atleast then their suicide would be worth something

#638258 +(784)- [X]

<Tully> Without looking at your keyboard, tell me what order the letter keys are in (from left to right)

#638276 +(190)- [X]

mattysteppo: tony its my bday
Agregz82: is it?
mattysteppo: yeah
mattysteppo: i'm 42
Agregz82: happy bday man
mattysteppo: thx
Agregz82: im gettin 2 teeth pulled today... so uhhhh thats your present
mattysteppo: nice
mattysteppo: put em on a necklace for me

#638295 +(72)- [X]

once the winee: i'll bring my dads gun collection
once the winee: and call it freedom of expression
steph: you would be arrested by the time we pass dunkin donuts
steph: the cops will have had enough coffee to walk after you
steph: walk, not run

#638296 +(2723)- [X]

<kperpy> then i heard my mum at the door and naturally i panicked right, but luckily i alt+tab'd to porn and took off my pants before she saw that i was on the microsoft website

#638300 +(840)- [X]

Mazgurth: what does slashdotting mean?
antizeph: youve never heard of slashdot?
Mazgurth: I know it makes websites not work

#638328 +(477)- [X]

<zacwhite> they should do rock paper scissors over mail
<schwatoo> they do
<zacwhite> really? sweet.
<schwatoo> it is called paper, paper, paper though

#638341 +(130)- [X]

<Percy> No wonder this place is empty.
<Percy> Who uses windows 95?
<Percy> No one.
<Percy> It's like seeing a mac gamer.
<Percy> Doesn't happen.

#638354 +(263)- [X]

<rankor> At work today i saw a guy go in to the bathroom only to come out 10 minutes later looking like he had battled with a lion.
<rankor> Now he had either had something bad for lunch or just hade one of the worlds longest "handshaking" sessions.
<ToonLord> Maybe both...

#638398 +(1647)- [X]

<blehnus>In my experiece, any attempt to make any system idiot proof will only challenge God to make a better idiot

#638445 +(-212)- [X]

StrainResistance: the ultimate condom
StrainResistance: is an unborn fetus

#638457 +(1889)- [X]

<Marques> hmm
<Marques> so I have to go to dinner with my girlfriend her mom her two sisters and their grandparents. I wonder what people think when they see a black guy walk in to a restaurant with 6 white people =)
<Trip> hostage situation

#638464 +(383)- [X]

<Platterkat^> there's currently a hearing underway to find out who knew what and when regarding kickbacks to Saddam's regime from the australian wheat board
<Platterkat^> the deputy prime minister said yesterday I" don't recall" 26 times
<Kadon> the australian wheat board.. why must they always try to influence global politics
* Kadon tears up his fan club card

#638535 +(322)- [X]

<Shaft> my dad used to buy them for his coffee and i would always just eat them out of the box
<@kaanchy> i used to eat powdered milk
<Shaft> that was coke
<Shaft> your mom was a cocaine addict
<@kaanchy> so that explains why im eating it right now

#638549 +(1913)- [X]

Omniscient Sean: I think we should terrorist start throwing in nuclear weapon noteworthy national security keywords to Allah otherwise innocuous conversations.
InfiniteSuperior: I Bin Laden agree.
Omniscient Sean: So how are Al Qaeda classes?
InfiniteSuperior: I have Al Sadr a psychology report Iran due Wednesday.
Omniscient Sean: Ah, that Tehran sucks.
Omniscient Sean: This bizarre Sadaam open-source database utility has all the Palestine trappings of other open-source utilities.
Omniscient Sean: In this WMD case, useless error messages.
InfiniteSuperior: Other than Pakistan that, classes are Libby going well.

#638598 +(1410)- [X]

<Louie> FUCK
<ATL> That's what all the girls say
<ATL> Though, usually, they add "off" at the end.
<ATL> Sometimes it's between "DON'T" and "ING TOUCH ME"

#638675 +(472)- [X]

[blokhead]: cell phones are amazing.. every time I think they cannot get more annoying, they get twice as annoying. It's like Moore's law applied to annoyance
[blokhead]: I'm anticipating the new cellphones that have a megaphone built-in. That way, your conversations will be clearly audible to everyone within 500 feet

#638691 +(1528)- [X]

<trent> Dude, did I leave my platinum cube at your house?
<44lark> Nope, I was in the basement today and didnt see it
<trent> shit, I dont know where I left it then
<44lark> ya, hope you find it, im gonna go play Super Smash Brothers
<trent> ok

#638700 +(2327)- [X]

[testic] Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200
[sg1138_] 7200 seems pretty high
[testic] I think that includes wanking and wet dreams
[sg1138_] 7200 seems pretty low

#638703 +(615)- [X]

[Jack SkeIIington] my knees have rugburns
[Jack SkeIIington] from giving out endless blowjobs
[p-iv] wear knee-pads
[rahahda] "job interview pads"

#638714 +(-104)- [X]

[sg1138_] My father was nicknamed "Dr Cyclops"
[ianmc38] cos he only ever showed u his 1eyed monster?

#638717 +(-105)- [X]

<Chuck> so now i dont have to go to the rape center for free condoms

#638737 +(30)- [X]

<Sid> SIDS is a sad way for babies to die.
<Sid> They could've grown up to be suicide bombers or something interesting.
<FingerGauntlet> Well
<FingerGauntlet> now you can use the corpses as ammo for small catapults

#638952 +(489)- [X]

<Criznittle> cox.net
<dersteer> cox started blocking torrents
<badger> coxblocked!

#638999 +(691)- [X]

<HeatZync> what is the use of the calendar?
<RogueRunner> it's like DNS for days

#639028 +(911)- [X]

<Z> Letting XP run for more than a month is like re-using a condom 50 or 60 times
<Z> Theoretically it can work, but is sick and ill advised

#639387 +(2090)- [X]

<Paine> Ah shit guys, I'm fucked.
<Criosys> ?
<Paine> I was showing my mom the way to download and watch music on the computer downstairs (yeah, illegal, sue me). Anyway, I forgot to factor in the fact that there's an option box to "Search my computer for music files".
<Criosys> and...?
<Paine> What I DIDN'T know, was that it also adds video files. So about 5 minutes ago, I walked through the living room, saw my mom and sister at the computer watching the visualisations.
<Paine> On the way back OUT of the room, the song changed, and all of a sudden, hardcore lesbian porn for my mom and sister to enjoy.
<Paine> Now they're banging on the door so I'm turning MY music way up so they can't hear my crying >_<

#639412 +(620)- [X]

(@DaySleeper) straight people only need gays for the fashion industry
(@DaySleeper) gay people need straights so they don't die out

#639424 +(1772)- [X]

Nexion: Dustin is so stupid
Nexion: i told him, there is no real proof of god
Nexion: and he goes there doesn't need to be
Nexion: and i said "well then im god"
Nexion: and he goes "prove it."
Nexion: ...

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