#636215 +(1392)- [X]
<KittieRose> So I get this email from this girl.
<KittieRose> "I made out with a chick and got mono..."
<KittieRose> I email her back.
<KittieRose> "If you'd have made out with two chicks, would you have gotten stereo?"
#636389 +(1815)- [X]
<phex> so you excited for your interview at RIM?
<phex> so then you're hoping to get a rim job?
<burnison> hell yes
*phex waits for the pun to set in
#636447 +(1878)- [X]
<mmiikkee12> XD, i just got the best spam message ever
<mmiikkee12> "Make $$$ Fast"
<mmiikkee12> "Hold down your shift and 4 keys at the same time. In about a second you will be making $$$ fast."
#636622 +(245)- [X]
SMARTGIRL483: by the way i think i need to tell you this
SMARTGIRL483: i had a baby by my ex boyfriend
Protege Chris: i should buy you a box of condoms for your next birthday :p... you country girls are just so eager to ride a cowboy
SMARTGIRL483: i cant help that
SMARTGIRL483: it was a girl
SMARTGIRL483: her name is elizabeth allison rainbow johnson
Protege Chris: rofl.. the white trash equivalent of "shaquana"
#636661 +(1811)- [X]
<Shameful_Buffalo> I got bored tonight, so I played the wal mart game, you know where you go to wal mart and see who can get the funniest items together
<Shameful_Buffalo> well I give my friends ryan and taylor $20 and they go off, taylor gets KY Jelly, Camoflauge shorts and Predator on DVD, I get some G2 Pilot pens, A mountain dew, Murray's Superior Afroshine Hair Pomade, 12-pack of Lubed Trojans, a pair of Brinks Luggage Locks with keys, Electrical Tape, and some Reeses Peanut Butter Cups (standard double-cup pack).
<Shameful_Buffalo> Ryan comes back empty handed and this follows,
Ryan: "I played your game dude..."
Taylor: "then where is your stuff?"
Me: "Yeah, you had to buy something with that 20 I gave you.."
Ryan "I went to automotive and put a tire on layaway..."
<Shameful_Buffalo> I never laughed so hard in my entire life, I gave him the 10 bucks for winning and walked to the car with my bag of crap.
#636703 +(180)- [X]
Dleet:haha, pornmovietitles are wonderfull ;) "World Poke Her Tour" ^^
#636755 +(1322)- [X]
Flux: I've got a joke for ya...
Flux: Allright, so these two niggers and two spics walk into a fag bar
Jet: HEY GOD DAMNIT MY PARENTS ARE IN THE ROOM SHIT SHIT SHIT.
Flux: Yeah, I didn't really have a punchline for that one anyways
#636765 +(767)- [X]
<selene|metro> and i thought that i saw you looting
<selene|metro> i thought that i saw you gate friends here
<selene|metro> thats me in the dungeon
<selene|metro> thats me in the twilight, losing my connection
#637196 +(1820)- [X]
<LordPie> which part confuses you more, my complex lexicon or the fact that i beat you with your own logic?
<jestaa> using big words doesn't make you more smarter.
<LordPie> Sorry, let me put it in an language that you can understand
<LordPie> OMG, ROFL LOL!!!!!!!!! J00 GOT OWNED!!11111!!
#637310 +(544)- [X]
<Deek`> I got a GED
<Deek`> I got 2 pts away from a perfect score
<Rick> I almost got one.
<Deek`> Did you fail it? Are you a hillbilly?
<Rick> I got a real highschool diploma.
#637552 +(783)- [X]
<aamP> i named my two goldfish 1 and 2
<aamP> because if 1 died i still had 2
#637589 +(420)- [X]
<+ketiov> can i get op now
<@Coheed> If you really want op that bad just make a room and make yourself op :\
<+ketiov> i have 5 of those
#637607 +(680)- [X]
(whyte7): do you think porn is degrading to women?
(Zlumpen): only the good stuff.
#637666 +(346)- [X]
<Super_Pirate> "Women age like fine wine"
<Super_Pirate> Show me one woman, one ANYONE for that matter, that tastes better with age . . .
<Super_Pirate> And I'll show you a mental institution for tasting people.
#637722 +(958)- [X]
<Asher_Dorn> somebody suggested that the offical name for our gay straight alliance should be "All You Need Is Love"
<Asher_Dorn> i had to tell him the acronym is AYNIL
#637861 +(200)- [X]
<jbskittlez> dude should i sell myself on ebay
<jbskittlez> sell my virginity on ebay?
<jbskittlez> how much money could i make from that
<lieb39> with or without a pic?
#637964 +(699)- [X]
<LoneVandal> I've heard Korean is the most logical and easy to read written language on earth
<LoneVandal> And that it is way easier to understand than speaking it
<Parn> It's easy to speak Korean
<Parn> See, watch
<Parn> CHING CHONG PING PONG
<LoneVandal> Thats chinese you faggot
#638054 +(483)- [X]
<JasonF> cdrws are cds that you COULD burn twice if they made erasable sharpies
#638088 +(106)- [X]
<@Winternight> helloween sucks
<@Winternight> well, now they suck, they used to rule
<@Argoth> never really listened to em
<@DIABOLICAL> I wish I could've listened to them back when I was in grade school
<@DIABOLICAL> well, I thought Janet Jackson was "black metal" back then
#638108 +(1006)- [X]
<@cypher> I've never seen the name "Tabitha" used outside of porn
<jasper> I have a cousin named Tabitha
<@cypher> Then I've probably seen pictures of her
#638182 +(1528)- [X]
<Aunt_Kwan> If you
<Aunt_Kwan> press enter
<Aunt_Kwan> before done with a sentance
<Aunt_Kwan> it makes you
<Aunt_Kwan> look like you
<Aunt_Kwan> have asthma.
#638242 +(223)- [X]
<Hawk|School> i wish emo kids bled money, atleast then their suicide would be worth something
#638258 +(779)- [X]
<Tully> Without looking at your keyboard, tell me what order the letter keys are in (from left to right)
#638276 +(186)- [X]
mattysteppo: tony its my bday
Agregz82: is it?
mattysteppo: i'm 42
Agregz82: happy bday man
Agregz82: im gettin 2 teeth pulled today... so uhhhh thats your present
mattysteppo: put em on a necklace for me
#638295 +(68)- [X]
once the winee: i'll bring my dads gun collection
once the winee: and call it freedom of expression
steph: you would be arrested by the time we pass dunkin donuts
steph: the cops will have had enough coffee to walk after you
steph: walk, not run
#638296 +(2716)- [X]
<kperpy> then i heard my mum at the door and naturally i panicked right, but luckily i alt+tab'd to porn and took off my pants before she saw that i was on the microsoft website
#638300 +(835)- [X]
Mazgurth: what does slashdotting mean?
antizeph: youve never heard of slashdot?
Mazgurth: I know it makes websites not work
#638328 +(473)- [X]
<zacwhite> they should do rock paper scissors over mail
<schwatoo> they do
<zacwhite> really? sweet.
<schwatoo> it is called paper, paper, paper though
#638341 +(125)- [X]
<Percy> No wonder this place is empty.
<Percy> Who uses windows 95?
<Percy> No one.
<Percy> It's like seeing a mac gamer.
<Percy> Doesn't happen.
#638354 +(257)- [X]
<rankor> At work today i saw a guy go in to the bathroom only to come out 10 minutes later looking like he had battled with a lion.
<rankor> Now he had either had something bad for lunch or just hade one of the worlds longest "handshaking" sessions.
<ToonLord> Maybe both...
#638398 +(1641)- [X]
<blehnus>In my experiece, any attempt to make any system idiot proof will only challenge God to make a better idiot
#638445 +(-217)- [X]
StrainResistance: the ultimate condom
StrainResistance: is an unborn fetus
#638457 +(1884)- [X]
<Marques> so I have to go to dinner with my girlfriend her mom her two sisters and their grandparents. I wonder what people think when they see a black guy walk in to a restaurant with 6 white people =)
<Trip> hostage situation
#638464 +(381)- [X]
<Platterkat^> there's currently a hearing underway to find out who knew what and when regarding kickbacks to Saddam's regime from the australian wheat board
<Platterkat^> the deputy prime minister said yesterday I" don't recall" 26 times
<Kadon> the australian wheat board.. why must they always try to influence global politics
* Kadon tears up his fan club card
#638535 +(322)- [X]
<Shaft> my dad used to buy them for his coffee and i would always just eat them out of the box
<@kaanchy> i used to eat powdered milk
<Shaft> that was coke
<Shaft> your mom was a cocaine addict
<@kaanchy> so that explains why im eating it right now
#638549 +(1908)- [X]
Omniscient Sean: I think we should terrorist start throwing in nuclear weapon noteworthy national security keywords to Allah otherwise innocuous conversations.
InfiniteSuperior: I Bin Laden agree.
Omniscient Sean: So how are Al Qaeda classes?
InfiniteSuperior: I have Al Sadr a psychology report Iran due Wednesday.
Omniscient Sean: Ah, that Tehran sucks.
Omniscient Sean: This bizarre Sadaam open-source database utility has all the Palestine trappings of other open-source utilities.
Omniscient Sean: In this WMD case, useless error messages.
InfiniteSuperior: Other than Pakistan that, classes are Libby going well.
#638598 +(1406)- [X]
<ATL> That's what all the girls say
<ATL> Though, usually, they add "off" at the end.
<ATL> Sometimes it's between "DON'T" and "ING TOUCH ME"
#638675 +(467)- [X]
[blokhead]: cell phones are amazing.. every time I think they cannot get more annoying, they get twice as annoying. It's like Moore's law applied to annoyance
[blokhead]: I'm anticipating the new cellphones that have a megaphone built-in. That way, your conversations will be clearly audible to everyone within 500 feet
#638691 +(1522)- [X]
<trent> Dude, did I leave my platinum cube at your house?
<44lark> Nope, I was in the basement today and didnt see it
<trent> shit, I dont know where I left it then
<44lark> ya, hope you find it, im gonna go play Super Smash Brothers
#638700 +(2322)- [X]
[testic] Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200
[sg1138_] 7200 seems pretty high
[testic] I think that includes wanking and wet dreams
[sg1138_] 7200 seems pretty low
#638703 +(615)- [X]
[Jack SkeIIington] my knees have rugburns
[Jack SkeIIington] from giving out endless blowjobs
[p-iv] wear knee-pads
[rahahda] "job interview pads"
#638714 +(-109)- [X]
[sg1138_] My father was nicknamed "Dr Cyclops"
[ianmc38] cos he only ever showed u his 1eyed monster?
#638717 +(-109)- [X]
<Chuck> so now i dont have to go to the rape center for free condoms
#638737 +(25)- [X]
<Sid> SIDS is a sad way for babies to die.
<Sid> They could've grown up to be suicide bombers or something interesting.
<FingerGauntlet> now you can use the corpses as ammo for small catapults
#638952 +(483)- [X]
<dersteer> cox started blocking torrents
#638999 +(684)- [X]
<HeatZync> what is the use of the calendar?
<RogueRunner> it's like DNS for days
#639028 +(908)- [X]
<Z> Letting XP run for more than a month is like re-using a condom 50 or 60 times
<Z> Theoretically it can work, but is sick and ill advised
#639387 +(2086)- [X]
<Paine> Ah shit guys, I'm fucked.
<Paine> I was showing my mom the way to download and watch music on the computer downstairs (yeah, illegal, sue me). Anyway, I forgot to factor in the fact that there's an option box to "Search my computer for music files".
<Paine> What I DIDN'T know, was that it also adds video files. So about 5 minutes ago, I walked through the living room, saw my mom and sister at the computer watching the visualisations.
<Paine> On the way back OUT of the room, the song changed, and all of a sudden, hardcore lesbian porn for my mom and sister to enjoy.
<Paine> Now they're banging on the door so I'm turning MY music way up so they can't hear my crying >_<
#639412 +(616)- [X]
(@DaySleeper) straight people only need gays for the fashion industry
(@DaySleeper) gay people need straights so they don't die out
#639424 +(1767)- [X]
Nexion: Dustin is so stupid
Nexion: i told him, there is no real proof of god
Nexion: and he goes there doesn't need to be
Nexion: and i said "well then im god"
Nexion: and he goes "prove it."