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#631810 +(2015)- [X]

Stacy: Raymond is correct.
Raymond: I always am
Esuna: Raymond, what number am I thinking of?
Raymond: Esuna, you're not thinking of a number
Raymond: You're thinking of something to say when I do say a number.
Esuna: Damn it! How'd you know?

#631847 +(1335)- [X]

bcreasy: come check this out
gbarnes: no
bcreasy: *shiny thing*
gbarnes: oh, be right there

#631850 +(761)- [X]

Tammy: julia is having to cancel lunch, her uncle was murdered
tladd: :O
Tammy: you want to do lunch :)
tladd: sure.

#631863 +(179)- [X]

<notjoe> yesterday i brought my cat to the vet since he wasnt peeing. So, the vet forced him to pee by putting pressure on his bladder but i swear i saw his finger was on the my cats asshole
<tripsta> did he put his finger in his mouth after
<samurai_> did he light up a smoke?
<notjoe> no and no
<notjoe> but there was no need to be fingering the cats ass by doing what he was doing
<notjoe> this other time he commented on how nice the cats testicles were

#631879 +(562)- [X]

<Towzzer> hey ufo
<ufo8mydog> hey ugly
<Towzzer> that's not my nick
<ufo8mydog> sorry, i'm a faceperson, not a nameperson
<Towzzer> ouch

#631921 +(543)- [X]

Tanith: Today was so fucked up; in science we have a really hot teacher and she was bending over talking to a student and this other kid stood behined her and pretended to hump her and i was standing glarign at him coz i have a thing for her.
Tanith: she fucking turned around and saw me staring
Tanith:....now she thinks im a pervert :(

#631937 +(2734)- [X]

<who> i can't watch brokeback mountain for the same reason i can't watch horror movies
<who> i would scream "HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!" in the middle of the theater

#632087 +(905)- [X]

<sceadu> i really need to figure out how to use a debugger in emacs
<iank> pfft, how could you *not* know?
<iank> It's just ctrl+alt+meta+f7+numlock+c+e+m+<
<iank> Hell, you could discover that by accident in emacs..

#632373 +(805)- [X]

<Alex>      i
<Alex> f       s h
<Alex>   t   c  k  s
<Alex> s     i
<Laila> ...what is he trying to do?
<Reiz0r> Trying to make a fish from fishsticks.
<Reiz0r> It's MODERN ART
<Reiz0r> It's the true pesonification of the juxtaposition of the sombre emotion that the world of man made aesthetics is slowly and irrevokably destroy the nature of that which is ...
<Reiz0r> Something
<Reiz0r> Modern art doesn't have to look like much. It just needs an explanation with lots of long words

#632442 +(919)- [X]

<Coma.> I'm drawing a pony for my friend
<Coma.> Except I can't draw so basicly I am drawing a horse only making it look small.
<Coma.> Because a pony is basicly just a little horse.
<Fish> wtf?  No they aren't!
<Fish> That's like saying a midget's a person!!

#632445 +(1148)- [X]

scuttlemonkey: This [face recognition] technology should speed airport check-ins, but it could also be used in banks or for checking ID cards as it allows full identification in less than one second.
mcc: Great, I can't wait until the day when I get punched in the face, and suddenly I can't use ATMs anymore.

#632609 +(-108)- [X]

chewp: so i have to make a movie for chinese class
ransom: must be a pretty short movie huh?
chewp: fucker...

#632703 +(2790)- [X]

<WarMoose> Think about how stupid the average person is. Now realize that half of them are dumber than that.
<Chunda> Why half?

#632794 +(2870)- [X]

Kanuck: i like to look at porn in pdf files.. just so i can make the little hand grab things.

#632841 +(1281)- [X]

monetcopy: girls are like nun chucks
monetcopy: they are awesome!
monetcopy: but when u mess up it hurts
monetcopy: ...alot

#632900 +(704)- [X]

<sdodson> can you provide that in wma format?
<Corydon76-home> Only if you can provide an encoder
<Corydon76-home> but it has to be able to run on my Apple IIgs
<Wonton> Wma sucks
<sdodson> you can encode oggs on your Apple IIgs?
<Corydon76-home> No, but if you're going to be an asshole about encoding formats, I'm going to be an asshole about the platform the encoder needs to run on.
<Catonic> lol

#632906 +(3763)- [X]

<bloodmaster> this guy keeps sending me notices, how do i send them back?????
<`Trust`> ./notice <nick> <message>
<bloodmaster> ty!
<bloodmaster> ./notice <Tommyboy872> <hello tommy, my name is john i am from michigan im 16! Im 5 foot 11 inch tall, you sound cute n we should talk more often ok??>

#633270 +(542)- [X]

<calvin909> I don't know what gives, but the last 3 movies i've downloaded are in frigging spanish.
<princess> dey took our pirating jobs!
<calvin909> yeah no doubt

#633436 +(13)- [X]

<benjick> i talked to a friend, who is a bit geeky about doctypes
<benjick> "when it comes to girls, i'm xhtml 1.1 strict, you are like 4.01 loose" :(

#633515 +(1823)- [X]

<werro> damnit :/
<werro> my dad found my porn
<Bob112> So what? I bet my dad knows I have porn.
<werro> but my dad didnt know Im gay :/
<Bob112> Um, like, neither did I
* werro has left #hookerz

#633530 +(632)- [X]

<KillerB> man, while I'm excited about the interview, getting my ass up at like 1:30pm is gonna blow.

#633735 +(2585)- [X]

<Chcherrycola>Oh shit I'm fucked
<Chcherrycola>I hid my weed in my PSP carrying case. So I get up to go get some and I can't find it anywhere, then I realise my little brother must have taken it with him on the plane to Florida with my family... O_O

#633742 +(1075)- [X]

<Chairboy> Windows Me is the kind of OS even a catholic would abort

#634090 +(415)- [X]

<sai sce> what's up?
<marc> nm, just plotting to kill my psych teacher
<sai sce> he'd probably be like "THE GUN SHOWS THAT YOU FEAR INTIMACY!!!"
<sai sce> while you were shooting him.

#634091 +(2835)- [X]

Clainsynar: What if all numbers were multiples of pi and our integer system was wrong?
TokMor: stop having such irrational thoughts

#634093 +(992)- [X]

shotz190: my cellphones just gettin worse as time goes on
shotz190: whenever somebody sends me a text, it just takes longer and longer to get here
shotz190: either that or jake wants to know if i can give him a ride to school yesterday

#634201 +(1601)- [X]

Rabid Manyak: Oh man, my mid-term mark update is awesome
Rabid Manyak: computer science: 61% science: 74% math: 51% philosophy: 97%
Rabid Manyak: Thanks LSD!

#634546 +(394)- [X]

<Josh> i ogtta go to an apointment
<Josh> i cant spell
<Josh> ps its not a spelling appt
<Phil> smart of you to abbreviate it the second time

#634805 +(414)- [X]

<@Miss_Morgan> heh
<@Miss_Morgan> ok get this
<@Miss_Morgan> I came up with a marketing campaign for a new cereal
<@Miss_Morgan> I was staring at some fruit loops I poured myself
<@Miss_Morgan> and after about 5 minutes of staring and munching, I realized something
<@Miss_Morgan> red... orange... yellow... green... blue... violet
<@Miss_Morgan> it's the 6-color rainbow!
<@Miss_Morgan> so get this
<@Miss_Morgan> in an approaching perspective and going up, stars and glitter-things coming off of the name
<@Miss_Morgan> Hom-O's
<@Miss_Morgan> and have three gay guys in the corner of the box
<@Miss_Morgan> on the bottom of the front pane, there'll be the slogan
<@Miss_Morgan> "They're fruity, they're colorful, they're fabulous!"

#635032 +(1959)- [X]

ZA|Drinking|: I remember in high school, during somebody made an off hand remark about wondering why they sacrificed virgins
ZA|Drinking|: And I was all like, they sure as hell ain't going to give up the ones that put out
ZA|Drinking|: And then I got detention

#635060 +(1956)- [X]

<MJak> whats that movie with the the planet full of talking apes?
<Nitrix> Planet of the apes...?
<Mjak> Yah the one where the space guy crash lands there whats it called
<Nitrix> Planet of the apes...?

#635159 +(339)- [X]

<Choko> i know 101 ways to use a penis
<HamsterMan> cool
<HamsterMan> does it include writing with it and playing baseball
<Choko> okay... now i know 103 ways
<HamsterMan> XD

#635274 +(1790)- [X]

<dil-hole> Today I was at a restaurant and was waiting for my food. 
<dil-hole> Then I started to play my DS on pictochat see? And I found someone that was playing it too. 
<dil-hole> We started to draw pictures and thinking it was some older guy and everything, I was joking around and drew a penis.
<dil-hole> I looked up to see who it was and about 20 feet away, I heard a gasp. I look up and itís a 10 year old girl with a DS in her hands.
<dil-hole> I immediately closed my DS and hid it. That was freaken scary.

#635335 +(910)- [X]

<Doc> All this pollen is killing me,  You can see the green clouds of it floating in the air.
<Doc> pollen is just tree sperm...
<Doc> I feel like mother nature just gave me a facial..

#635424 +(111)- [X]

Scouthouse: king kong was a good movie
elcucarachaloco: an AWESOME movie
elcucarachaloco: only one better is return of the king
Scouthouse: never seen it
elcucarachaloco: awesome movie
Scouthouse: but how can he return when hes dead?

#635469 +(292)- [X]

< f0rd> you can't do loops in html can you

#635493 +(863)- [X]

<BenS> Matt, have you heard about that webserver that's running off a potatoe for power ... just displays a text smiley face and takes like 15 seconds to load?
<Omnica> Brings new meaning to the term "server farm"
<BenS> You should be shot.

#635581 +(800)- [X]

< traicovn> I'm stealing wifi at the shearton right now
< traicovn> until security comes and gets me
< traicovn> Some older upper 30s drunk woman invited me up to her room. 
< traicovn> But I think the high speed is just about the same up there so I turned her down.

#635590 +(1107)- [X]

<&TwoZero> so.. the internet at work died completely and after trying to fix it I said fuck it and went home
<&TwoZero> and ran netstumbler on the bus.. and found 336 accesspoints
<&TwoZero> the bus stopped in front of a church, and the SSID 'satans partyhouse' appeared
<&TwoZero> must be some student living next to it or something

#635674 +(204)- [X]

aaront: :-P
aaront: Whatever ya say
xxkuku4purplexx: dont stick ur tongue out at me, are u like 2 or something?
aaront: you take emotiocons way too seriously <3
xxkuku4purplexx: ewwwww
xxkuku4purplexx: gross

#635683 +(1703)- [X]

<Harkila> i've always wondered what "holy shit" actually is
<Harkila> my strongest mental image is about the pope taking a crap
<bleak-> a radiant turd with a halo
<Rancid-> like, xbox?

#635705 +(62)- [X]

<Simon>man, i'm farting like a motherfucker over here! you can really smell the decaying hampster flesh...
<Simon>there's a two week backlog of shit held up by that furry fucker
<Nick> OMFG, that is WRONG, you're fucking sick!
<Nick> you put a P in HAMSTER...sicko

#635741 +(831)- [X]

<Mr_Saturn> Diagnosing computer problems over IRC is like trying to diagnose brain cancer with a pointy stick

#635834 +(1050)- [X]

<Triumph> No wonder we can't win in Afghanistan.
<Triumph> We drop a dozen bombs and when no one is left standing, drop a bag of food.
<Triumph> Instead, we should drop the bag of food first and when everyone gathers around it, drop a single bomb.

#635838 +(1406)- [X]

Lush Puppy: I lost my virginity at an anime convention - this sentence makes me sound a lot fatter than I actually am.

#635862 +(440)- [X]

<Ezekiel> When we were doing about the 3rd world in RE, the teacher was saying how we live in the 1st world, africa is the 3rd world, but there isn't really a 2nd world
<Ezekiel> So this kid asks the teacher "Where was world war 2 fought then?"

#635901 +(693)- [X]

jrronimo: Hah! On a whim I figured I'd check some of the bigger companie for open jobs in Boulder... so what do I get? Comcast's career website: "Could not connect to remote server". Sounds like they've got a Network Engineer position open for me. :D

#635951 +(-107)- [X]

dracony_gentoo: C#?
dracony_gentoo: i like to keep away from objects
dracony_gentoo: especially sharp ones
dracony_gentoo: get it

#636156 +(1438)- [X]

<Jonno> What's the difference between regular garlic and roasted garlic?
<Arclight> A gypsy once told me it was the roasting, but you shouldn't trust the gypsies

#636171 +(184)- [X]

<Mik0r> I wish they made cars that run on methane cause I sure produce a lot of it
<gerbil> i wish they made cars that run on methadone
<gerbil> cuz id siphon everyones fuel

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