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Start -10 < 369-370-371-372-373-374-375-376-377-378-379 > +10 End

#626932 +(2029)- [X]

<mcsuede> so i was half way through drinking a dr pepper
<mcsuede> and my wife sexed me so i fell asleep
<mcsuede> and when i woke up she had drank my dr pepper
<mcsuede> it was the last one
<mcsuede> i fear it was a plot

#627046 +(770)- [X]

<@generated> i wish i was dead
<@mehh_> generated: why? :(
<@mehh_> actually i really need to go...tell me some other time :)
<@mehh_> bbl

#627168 +(4109)- [X]

<Cobra> so i was watching a pr0n
<Thunder> wait
<Thunder> why u guys always say pr0n instead of porn ??
Thunder has been kicked by Guardian (No porn on this channel !)
<Cobra> ...
<Cobra> so i was watching a pr0n

#627243 +(892)- [X]

* GLE has joined #motl
<implode> if you want to blow the dealer, thats your option
<{Excabus}> If I was a girl, I'd totally give head for magic cards.
* GLE has quit IRC (Quit: Note to self; stop coming here)

#627287 +(613)- [X]

<NG-Buddhist> I found something humorously racist on Friday
<NG-Buddhist> I was reading a magazine from my English room after my exam, about the most influential people of the last 50 years
<NG-Buddhist> and various pictures were cut out, but i didnt think about it
<NG-Buddhist> then i got to the back of the book, and someone glued in Rosa Park's picture of her sitting there

#627349 +(774)- [X]

<e-shark> so i was in physics today, and my mechanical pencial snapped
<e-shark> my teacher noticed it, and then went on this tangent about how he went through school with one mechanical pencil
<e-shark> and a giant white eraser that was german made, since it was really good at getting rid of mistakes
<e-shark> then my friend states, "yea, those germans are really good at getting rid of big, annoying mistakes."

#627406 +(798)- [X]

<SwampFox> my way of determining the validity of a holiday is where I am at 9:00 AM
<SwampFox> if I'm in bed, it's good
<SwampFox> if I'm in Physics, it's a Hallmark holiday

#627522 +(3278)- [X]

<comwalk> Remember, here in the U.S.A, we have reached a new age.
<comwalk> NOBODY is responsible for their own actions.
<comwalk> Remember that.
<comwalk> Holy shit! I killed somebody! Bob made me do it!
<comwalk> Bob: Joe made me do it!
<comwalk> Joe: I blame the media!
<comwalk> Media: Videogames.
<comwalk> Videogames: Personal responsibility?
<comwalk> Personal Responsibility: <AFK>

#627530 +(635)- [X]

<Thuryn>  irc is the u-bend under the sink of society

#627974 +(1306)- [X]

TheItch: Dude, funniest thing ever!
TheItch: I walk into the bathroom at work, walk up to a urinal, and get ready to... you know.
TheItch: From one of the stalls, I hear a low rumble, which escalates to a groan, and then to a roar.
TheItch: What follows can only be described as the most vile and putrid sounds of human excretion in history. This man apparently pooped out his intestines.
TheItch: Moments later, I hear from the same stall, "Oh god! Someone CALL AN AMBULANCE!"
TheItch: Now, this is an executive restroom at a private bank, and the door has a number lock on it, so it's not some kid trying to be funny. And the man sounded genuinely distressed.
TreesSneezing: lmao! What did you do?
TheItch: Suppressed my laughter as best as I could, zipped up and got the hell out of there.

#628022 +(1180)- [X]

tohayer: My windows machine crashes scarily
tohayer: Whatever audio is playing, slows down
tohayer: Like when Dave is disconnecting Hal's memory
tohayer: "Ted... Ted... why are you opening the task manager. You're scaring me, Ted"

#628051 +(1748)- [X]

<walt> So I play Tony Hawk Pro Skater all the time right
<walt> And I'm thinking
<walt> That's so awesome, I should learn how to skate!
<walt> So one of my sister's friends left her skateboard here, and I started to dick around on it
<walt> Long story short, I fell over and broke my wrist
<walt> Now I can't play Tony Hawk.
<norl> lol dumbass

#628071 +(1451)- [X]

<Darius> What's a round number?
<Archy> 0

#628315 +(373)- [X]

<gwizz> there were just 2 police cars in front of my neighbors house right
<gwizz> and i was watching from my room and i told my dad, so he goes and opens the front door to look
<gwizz> but he didnt know the alarm was set, so it goes off
<gwizz> my mom turns it off, and then one of the policemen come over and were like 'did we go to the wrong house?'

#628327 +(457)- [X]

* Gakl grumbles.
<Gakl> you can put linux on an ipod, but you can't access an ipod from linux. blech
<Summoner> well yeah.  Porting an OS gives a much bigger epenis than porting an IO driver

#628411 +(2964)- [X]

<b3nz0rz>: A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too".

#628424 +(709)- [X]

mac: LOL the vending machine at school hate blacks!
mac: I was waiting in line behind three black guys
mac: they each put in their money press the same button and nothing happens
mac: I walk up put in my money press the same button and four Dr.Peppers fall out!

#628447 +(2058)- [X]

Newzfoxjr: Holy shit dude
Newzfoxjr: my friend ding dong door bell ditched a house across the street
Newzfoxjr: he ran to a bush and hid, the guy answered and he was dressed up in a freaking S&M suit
Newzfoxjr: so my friend comes out of the bush, looks at him, AND GOES INTO HIS FREAKING HOUSE.
Newzfoxjr: it's been like 2 hours

#628582 +(1491)- [X]

<TSPhoenix> You're so lame that you can encode mp3s.

#628630 +(9671)- [X]

<samsim> I heard about this guy who broke into a lion's den at the zoo
<samsim> and got mauled
<samsim> and people were talking about how there should have been better defences put up to prevent people getting into the cage
<samsim> a friend of mine suggested setting up some kind of deterrent
<samsim> for example, putting some sort of fierce animal in the cage, which would attack anybody who climbed in

#628721 +(1068)- [X]

kaytodaizzik: that's like my outlook on life
kaytodaizzik: "cautious optimism"
kaytodaizzik: It's like, I'm pretty sure the Sun will rise tomorrow.
kaytodaizzik: But chances are someone's gonna try and fuck me
kaytodaizzik: So I wear sunglasses and a buttplug.

#628786 +(1587)- [X]

<yogurt1> dude, the saddest thing happend today. My mom woke me up at fucking 9 in the morning, cause our garbage can blew open and spread it all around the street. So I throw on clothes and go out to clean. It takes me fucking 2 hours to finish it. Then some punk kid comes by and kicks it over, and it all blows away again. I go up to this kid and I say "You stupud fuck clean it" this punk ass kid says to me "haha fuck that".
<yogurt1> I couldn't hear him because I had earmuffs but I knew thats what the kid says. So after mouthing off I punch the kid in the face and walk home. like an hour later the kids mom comes to the door and says shes going to sue me for punching...her 13 year old daughter.
<benji443> HAHA LMAO!
<jiirco> ROFL YOU PUNCHED A GIRL!!!!!!!!!
<yogurt1> She was wearing a hat and a hood for fuck sakes!

#628866 +(431)- [X]

Ignus Firestorm: Do that shit again and I'm getting back on my other SN.
Ignus Firestorm: And you'll never hear from me again.
Ignus Firestorm: =]
CanYouSaySanity:  Oh...darn....
CanYouSaySanity:  ...
CanYouSaySanity: That was by far, the worst threat in the history of mankind.
CanYouSaySanity: It wouldn't even work on France.

#628877 +(752)- [X]

Erik: wow sad, mexico beat u.s. in baseball
Erik: well, then again, them mexicans sure are able to get things past fences

#628880 +(1159)- [X]

<Fenris> Man..
<Fenris> I need to get a monitor
<W1N9Zr0> yeah, stop guessing what's on the screen

#628906 +(1481)- [X]

<jjccp> i broke my leg
<jjccp> masturbating is evil
<[Slaryn> O_O I hope to god those two incidents weren't related

#629232 +(1099)- [X]

<JasonM> Oh my god.
<JasonM> I was at the train station today, and this REALLY EMO GUY comes up to me and asks me if i have a lighter
<JasonM> So i get it out and go to light it
<JasonM> Then his fucking fringe catches on fire
<aikon> LOL!
<JasonM> I pissbolted.
<JasonM> I'm scared of going back there tomorrow and seeing a burned emo corpse on the ground

#629240 +(819)- [X]

<Varka> cds are made of pikachu skins
<Orcinus> is that why they turn to lightning in the microwave? :D
<Varka> Yes.

#629344 +(1818)- [X]

* Qwyxzl growls at his connection
* Furion sees his virus is working.
* Qwyxzl gets out his Furion voodoo doll
* Furion Quit (Ping timeout)
<Elessa> whoa!

#629500 +(1492)- [X]

<corncob> I was in networking class
<corncob> and the disccussion randomly turned to personal freedoms.
<corncob> some girl said there should be a law against parents smoking around kids to keep them from encouraging them to smoke
<corncob> and someone else counters with "Well, I saw my parents having sex all the time and I'm still a virgin!"

#629711 +(2287)- [X]

Laudanum: I think my ability to communicate has gone downhill.
kaltegeburt: I don't understand.

#629927 +(1646)- [X]

Vfirthd: someday, I'm going to be great.
Vfirthd: someday, I will have all the money I want and no financial trouble
Vfirthd: and I'll have a great, big house with a laptop and high fi stero systems
Vfirthd: oh, and I'll have a job that I love so much, and make a good profit from
Vfirthd: and at that great job that I love, I'll find the lovely woman of my dreams...
Vfirthd: yeah...someday...
GeniusChef: You work at a McDonalds, don't you?
Vfirthd: Burger King

#630041 +(535)- [X]

<Benjula> Dude, I thought of the best name for a Christian rap CD ever
<Benjula> The RhapCD

#630066 +(670)- [X]

<Whittney> does anyone know what the C++ test tomorrow covers
<Arc> chapters 1-16
<Whittney> thats up to waht exactly
<Whittney> then end of arrays...or does that inclue char?
<Arc> um...linear integration of the Hermholtz plasma intereferometry function
<Arc> as applied to post-modern dadist theories
<Whittney> wtf are u talking about
<Arc> I could ask you the same...have you even attended the course?? 0_o

#630094 +(1299)- [X]

<Revolution|AngeL> he thinks because we idle 4 of the same channels
<Revolution|AngeL> we're somehow friends
<Revolution|AngeL> i dont even know how it started.
<Revolution|AngeL> a casual glance here
<Revolution|AngeL> a soft touch there
<Revolution|AngeL> gentle, warm and caring chatting.
<Revolution|AngeL> brokeback irc.
<Revolution|AngeL> i wish i knew how to /quit you

#630110 +(1665)- [X]

<puertoroo> so, i was at the store and the hot female clerk was checking me out and stuff
<puertoroo> then we came back to my place and tore my bedroom up
<puertoroo> then we did it on the stove and then on the washing machine
<HuhWhat> And in the real world, what happened?
<puertoroo> ....i never even made it to the store :(

#630243 +(953)- [X]

<meeb> what the fuck
<meeb> highly religious client just rang up
<meeb> wants us to automatically take their website down at sunset on a friday until sunrise on a monday
<meeb> as using an online shop is bad and evil over the sabbath

#630541 +(2089)- [X]

<Sneux_Duck> so today at school we had this guy talking about sexual predators online and crap like that for a good hour. and he said something like "girls don't put your pictures online. these freaks will only collect, trade and sell them" and i said a bit too loudly "gotta catch 'em all"
<Sneux_Duck> he was the only one not laughing...

#630686 +(2808)- [X]

<@Quasi> I feel like my life is a movie.
<@Quasi> But it's being shown on TV.
<@Quasi> So all the sex scenes are cut.

#630789 +(1620)- [X]

Ziggy: Everytime I hear a strange noise, I have a zombie panic attack.
Lusty: what is it with you and zombies?!
Ziggy: Are you not afraid of zombies?
Lusty: they don't exist.
Ziggy: That's what they think in movies too.
Ziggy: Right before the invasion.

#630836 +(2198)- [X]

<spazdor> how do you get a Cisco Certified Network Administrator off your porch?
<cnug> ...?
<spazdor> pay for your pizza

#630859 +(475)- [X]

<Shard>: I think my GF is pregnant...
<Sapphon>: You should pimp her out to cover the abortion, she cant get pregnant twice ;).
<Shard>: ....

#631051 +(1267)- [X]

<jimmy_> i use norton
<BoltBait> Norton's is the most annoying anti virus software ever!
<jimmy_> what do you meen? i hardly notice notice its there
<BoltBait> Really? Then it's probably not working.
<jimmy_> ...
<jimmy_> u may be right
<jimmy_> the tray icon isnt there anymore
<jimmy_> shit!

#631180 +(359)- [X]

EvILpYRoMaNiA: my dad tried to sit on my lap: he tackled me off my chair.
EvILpYRoMaNiA: dog*
EvILpYRoMaNiA: shit
EvILpYRoMaNiA: that was the worst typo ever.

#631408 +(-65)- [X]

< Redb3ard> so, im using this godawful slow pcanywhere connection
< Redb3ard> 2 hours to scroll through a list, check off the things i need to
< Redb3ard> idiot customer comes along, closes the window at 97% done
< Redb3ard> doesnt minimize it, closes it
< Redb3ard> so i locked the keyboard, blanked the screen, and locked it like that

#631598 +(1342)- [X]

<DooMGoaT> OMG
<DooMGoaT> shame none of the 360 games are as good as the spider squashy banner

#631627 +(603)- [X]

bananza: i feel bad for ugly people
rotino: empathyy
bananza: yeah
bananza: like a lot
rotino: look up empathy
bananza: oh fuck u

#631753 +(1198)- [X]

Banjax: dude, totally hilarious, I'm walking down the street and around the corner I see these people protesting outside a coat shop that sells fur coats. They had buckets of red paint
TurboJesusDELUXE: oh boy
Banjax: this one woman comes around the other corner wearing a fur coat of her own. The whole crowd turns on her like wolves on a lamb, and the closest girl with a bucket of paint throws it on her
Banjax: so she's dripping with paint and starts screaming like she's been shot, and then she's like "it's a fake fur coat, you dumb bitch!"
Banjax: and without missing a beat the other chick says "that's okay, it's fake blood"
TurboJesusDELUXE: HAHA, awesome

#631768 +(38)- [X]

* Acetal changes topic to 'Snakes! In a movie theatre!'
<Acetal> There's an idea for a promotion.

#631772 +(2290)- [X]

castuslumen: whats the name of those hats that Green Berets wear?
foranzan: are you being stupid on purpose?
castuslumen: what?
foranzan: you are officially the Rolls Royce of stupid.

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