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#595522 +(3170)- [X]

<Mod> he was very nasty. called him that word you never wanna call a black man
<Sirak> ??
<Mod> no one ever wants to call a black man the word that begins with 'n' ends in 'r' and has 'ig' in the middle
<Sirak> Neighbour?

#595604 +(523)- [X]

<jeffrey> guys why does amazon.com suck so much
<jeffrey> it says my estimated ship date is jan 3
<jeffrey> yet on the product pages they both say usually ship within 24 hours
<cromicus> i hope you're ordering a copy of the dictionary that contains a definition for the word "usually"

#595616 +(552)- [X]

<Deja> gay, I can't use my GameSpy ID because it has an accented e in it
<Ear> hahahahhah
<Ear> That's what you get for being pretentious. :D

#595645 +(403)- [X]

<godun> hey,i think that you are using a vulnerable version of mirc,please install this security update ->

#595681 +(102)- [X]

[@JigsWithoutWoodstock] Phil: Could you repeat that, I was distracted by a pig flying past my window

#595752 +(2222)- [X]

<dr00d> gd, my gf is so fucking stupid
<stupid> shit, you found out about that?

#595758 +(1298)- [X]

(dez) I had to write an essay about handicapped parking spots
(dez) I chose to write about how fat people are not handicapped
(dez) And how they should get special parking spots at the end of the lot

#595988 +(1306)- [X]

<l0> allright, it's official: i live in a world of retards
<l0> the guy sitting next to me didn't know the answer on the completion test
<l0> so he wrote in "i am retartet"
<l0> the teacher wrote back "no shid"

#596026 +(752)- [X]

<phlick>so apparently there was some tragedy in the neighboorhood involving some people dieing
<phlick>and this ugly chick, nearly in tears, says "words just can't express how many lives those people touched"
<phlick>so of course, taking the literal meaning of that i said "of course words don't. numbers do"
<phlick>and now everyone mourns and hates :)

#596091 +(2571)- [X]

<BUBBLES> Shit. I need a date for a new year's eve concert.
<Nick> december 31st

#596142 +(1023)- [X]

<Sub> crap, I 3got 1 go 2 the store b4 2
<Sub> 4*, 2*, 3*.

#596241 +(1488)- [X]

<Yaksha> I asked my brother what he wanted for Christmas.
<Yaksha> He said he wanted cold hard cash.
<Yaksha> So that's exactly what I gave him.
<Yaksha> I got 20 $1 bills, soaked them in water and put them in the freezer.
<Yaksha> When he got it, it was just a block of green ice that took a day to thaw.

#596693 +(506)- [X]

Keeper36rm: i almost got arrested too last night
interventi0n: for what?
Keeper36rm: racing
interventi0n: get pulled over?
Keeper36rm: we both did
interventi0n: who was the other car?
Keeper36rm: but the girl lied, she told the cop I was harassing her, she was just trying to get away from me
Keeper36rm: so he left her off, and I almost got arrested

#596981 +(1021)- [X]

<E^> Your mom is like HTML
<E^> Tiny head, huge body!

#596983 +(3466)- [X]

<Grid> Hey Psyko, if the world was gonna end in 3 minutes, what would you do?
<Psyko> I'D SCREW ANYTHING THAT MOVES!!! What would you do?
<Grid> ... ... ... I'd stand very very still. o.o;

#597248 +(707)- [X]

<Jono> Have you ever fucked anything artificial?
<Gemma> No
<Smiddy> No
<Tom> Does that girl with the wooden leg count?

#597487 +(1671)- [X]

<<Newtype> "Chrono Trigger was supervised by a group referred to as "The Dream Team", consisting of Hironobu Sakaguchi (producer of the Final Fantasy series), Yuji Horii (director of the Dragon Quest games), character designer Akira Toriyama (of Dragon Ball and Dragon Quest fame), venerable producer Kazuhiko Aoki, and Nobuo Uematsu (of Final Fantasy fame)."
<<Newtype> seriously, the only thing that could have made that any better was having Jesus on that team
<<Schwarz> Jesus was a carpenter, what the hell would he know about video games?

#597870 +(1204)- [X]

<Blowjob-Queen> Is she still internet dating him?
<Fizzly> They were in the middle of a "harsh break up" last I remember.
<Fizzly> Text was flying so fast.
<Fizzly> Emoticons ran wild.

#597875 +(2361)- [X]

<ronald_jeremy> haha, im taking this ethics certificatino thing online...they have the answers in the source code

#597921 +(3543)- [X]

<dura> I really think I'm a moron.
<dura> I just now realised that Neo spelled backwards is one.

#598170 +(478)- [X]

<[CJ]> i feel old when i'm reading the centerfold data in playboy and see that the centerfold was born sometime around the year i graduated high school :\
<Boyzoid> heh
<Boyzoid> old, or dirty
<Boyzoid> ?
<[CJ]> both
<[CJ]> but dirty i'm ok with

#598261 +(622)- [X]

gelishan: one of my friends who's a stats major calculated the significance of their other

#598272 +(523)- [X]

<Snow> So my 100% chance of snow has resulted in precisely 0 snow and the prediction has deteriorated to a 40% chance of snow.
<deimos> welcome to modern meteorology
<deimos> where all those fancy computers are to hide the dartboard

#598280 +(692)- [X]

<conrailto> any German speakers here?
<issq> i own a set of harmon kardens

#598333 +(1671)- [X]

<Rift> i ditch girls for video games all the time
<@monk-work> toggling between your porn window and your gaming window does not qualify as "ditching girls for video games"

#598350 +(258)- [X]

hydroxyl prod: I'm getting a 19" lcd monitor for my birthday.
hydroxyl prod: I'm very satisified.
hydroxyl prod: But it sucks.
hydroxyl prod: My PC blows ass.
hydroxyl prod: so like
hydroxyl prod: playing at 800x600 ut2k4
hydroxyl prod: on a huge monitor
tehBlueness: fun
tehBlueness: it'll be just like the N64

#598430 +(1714)- [X]

<shwatta> never drinking again
<shwatta> went out yesterday for a few lunch time beers in the city right
<shwatta> those 'few' turned into lots
<shwatta> woke up at 9am the next day in a park down by the beach which is 30 kilometres away from the city... no phone, no wallet, no memory, blood all over myself with no obvious wounds
<shwatta> the weirdest thing was that in my hands there was this little statue of a hindu god with a massive grin on its face

#598463 +(1555)- [X]

<WorldEdit> do you think the word emo would be accepted in scrabble
<Sevivrus> Of course not. Emos are never accepted anywhere.

#598537 +(572)- [X]

<greycat> 95% of the time, ssh key authentication problems are caused by incorrect permissions on the server side.
<greycat> the other 5%, it's misspelling of ~/.ssh/authorized_keys
<p0ts> yes
<p0ts> it worked
<p0ts> my private key wasnt where it was supposed to be
* greycat adjusts the odds.  94% of the time, server-side directory perms.  5%, misspelling.  1%, user moved the files around for no good reason.

#598656 +(787)- [X]

<brooksie> what is the point of a name server
<[Piratez]> hi

#598783 +(649)- [X]

<greetz> where is that?
<Rafiki> After "is."

#598987 +(1637)- [X]

<Sceptic> I am not going to argue mideast history and politics here. I have better, more useful things to do--such as draining the ocean with a spoon.
<David> Just out of interest, where will you be putting the water?

#599113 +(553)- [X]

<brukA> I'd hire a pornstar. Everytime I see one they're hard at work.

#599567 +(443)- [X]

<Bran> yesterday at work I asked my boss "What should I use as an icon to show 'loyalty'?"
<Bran> and one of my collegues says with a straight face: "Well, whatever you use, make sure it's not an icon of a woman."

#599639 +(630)- [X]

Unbeliever: i got this letter from deakin university the other day
Unbeliever: and i live like 2 minutes away from them
Unbeliever: and they send it by airmail

#600242 +(636)- [X]

<mango> hey your friends are waiting for you down that hallway...
<gremlin> theres nobody there!
<mango> thats right.. you have no friends

#600802 +(391)- [X]

<esquire> i should name my first born son Zerg
<esquire> just so i can call him a Zergling
<karmasore> what happens if you have a daughter?
<esquire> I buy a gun

#601180 +(1307)- [X]

<Heavy_Clown> Funny how IRC is mostly populated by elitist, ignorant pre-pubescent teenagers who can't even construct an intelligent insult. |:
<Vick> heavy....its funny how your probably 32 or something and have nothing better to do than try to out smart teenagers on irc

#601277 +(757)- [X]

<Happy_Dot> So my dad and I were reading readers digest, and there was this ad for some apocalypse book. It said "The end is near! Dont delay! This book will tell you everything you need to know! Hurry!" Then, at the bottom of the page, it says : please allow 6 to 8 weeks for delivery.

#601337 +(1223)- [X]

<sev> so I was walking through the city with a bunch of roses in one hand and a bag of potaotes in the other, and I had something like five people stop me and ask if I was going to propose to an irishman 8\

#601393 +(2169)- [X]

<StaticFish> Where did I put my stick of RAM?
<StaticFish> I'm losing my memory.

#601449 +(1100)- [X]

<+lax> i feel like an asshole
<+lax> at lunch we couldnt decide if this person was a girl or boy
<+lax> i said it was a girl
<+lax> and so we all chipped in a dollar
<+lax> and someone went over and asked
<+lax> and she started crying

#601458 +(1371)- [X]

<Jeffrey> So I started work today at Cox Communications.
<Jeffrey> Direct quote from Cox Communications, mission statement.
<Jeffrey> "For Cox, it's not about being the biggest; it's about being the best."
<Vann> ...I feel a t-shirt coming on.

#601636 +(1096)- [X]

<alan> if you were a credit card, you'd be a visa, since you're everywhere i want to be.
<sp4nk> You'd be American Express. No one accepts you.

#602050 +(998)- [X]

<trolleyfuck> Hey, nice to meat you
<Caedes> I hope to god that was a typo

#602223 +(1495)- [X]

(TarAldarion) just a bit shocked that my roommate is pregnant
(Ruu) was it a shock to her also?
(TarAldarion) dunno yet
(TarAldarion) havnt talked to her
(TarAldarion) read her blog

#602224 +(1828)- [X]

Lunatic: All those opposed to the patriot act raise your right hand
Lunatic: Raise your hand high
Lunatic: Now raise the other one
Lunatic: Hands behind your back
Lunatic: you're under arrest for treason

#602243 +(1027)- [X]

<Gunth> before i was a teen i thought "Masturbate" was some kind of master or bachelor degree... so when my teachers asked me what i wanted to do with my life.. i told them "masturbate"

#602335 +(817)- [X]

<Yaksha> What's a Jewish conundrum?
<justin> I dunno?
<Yaksha> Free ham
<justin> that's not a conundrum, you take the ham and donate it to charity and get the tax write off.

#602698 +(16214)- [X]

<death09>my girlfriend broke up with me and sent me pix of her and her new boyfriend in bed
<death09>yeah.i sent them to her dad

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