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#576041 +(1548)- [X]

<timmo> 20% of americans believe the sun revolves around the earth, 17% of the people who know that the earth revolves around the sun, believe it does so every 24hours
<timmo> jesus
<timmo> people are fucking morons
<wind`> wait what
<wind`> doesn't the earth revolve around the sun in 24 hours?
<timmo> well i guess we found one of the 17%

#576079 +(374)- [X]

<chris> ontario, canada is one of the only places in the world where you can marry a fag but you can't smoke one

#576080 +(432)- [X]

<zerovampire> so I was reading bash.org, and there was this great quote, "A guy at work yesterday saw my stickers on my car, and asked me if Semper Fi was a form of martial arts."
<ryo-ohki> heheh, what is it, an band or something?
<zerovampire> O.o

#576097 +(72)- [X]

jeudrietr: cuz i aint no hollaback girl
dizzygurl_27: is a hollaback girl a slut?
dizzygurl_27: lol
dizzygurl_27: *thinks*
jeudrietr: lol no
jeudrietr: its a girl who yells back instead of just kicking someones ass
jeudrietr: theres more to it, but the rest cant be translated into white terms
jeudrietr: sorry

#576099 +(2047)- [X]

Chronic Munchies: imagine if anne frank had a BLOG instead of a DIARY
Chronic Munchies: currently listening to: nazis pounding on the door
GenAmonX2K: Current Mood: concentrating

#576101 +(420)- [X]

<Danny> Last night I was at my school at like 10pm
<Danny> waiting for my mom to pick me up
<Danny> and this minivan comes in the parking lot
<Danny> and starts doing burnouts and 180's
<Danny> it was the most pathetic thing
<Brad> heh I bet you'd say the same thing about me in my Marquis
<Danny> No, I don't think so.
<Danny> This Minivan had a "Be careful, Honor student on board." bumper sticker on it...

#576116 +(1835)- [X]

<Quast> bbg: homosexuality isn't a badge you get after you fuck a guy in the ass for the first time
<Quast> or get it yourself
<xooz98> which badge do you get again?
<xooz98> the boy scouts system is so complicated

#576126 +(661)- [X]

<pf_x> you might have been passed out
<pf_x> but it's still love

#576134 +(43)- [X]

<Frosty> So, howabout Recent Sports Event?  An impressive display of physical acumen, no?
<LOAF> OH NO EA OWNS SPORTS NOW
<LOAF> Only an *EVIL* monopoly would buy a license for something!
<Frosty> ONLY GOTHS PLAY EVIL MONOPOLY.
<LOAF> I have dotcomopoly
<Halman> Wow, are all the squares reposessed?
<LOAF> Most of them no longer exist.
<Halman> Hehehehehehehehe

#576159 +(392)- [X]

(&Jet) That reminds me of another funny story
(&Jet) Our senior prank last year:
(&Jet) (the seniors have now graduated)
(&Jet) their first attempt
(&Jet) they put birdseed ALL over the ground
(&Jet) like everywhere
(&Jet) too bad for them it was windy
(@Valkarious) LOL, think of all the birdshit
(@Valkarious) awww
(&Jet) and we have gardeners at our school
(&Jet) no wait listen
(@Valkarious) man, foiled
(@Valkarious) kk
(&Jet) the gardeners blew the birdseed
(&Jet) INTO THE PARKING LOT
(@Valkarious) LOL
(@Valkarious) YES
(@Valkarious) YESSS
(&Jet) Yeah baby
(@Valkarious) oh man
(@Valkarious) that's classic
(&Jet) so much bird shit on everyone's cars
(&Jet) it was fantastical
(Leprae) LOL

#576189 +(889)- [X]

<sweet_monica12> any nice boys wanna chat?
<TerrorByte> You know sweet_monica12, saying that on IRC is like walking into a whore house and saying 'Any nice girls want to fuck?'

#576190 +(457)- [X]

Yodo: Foogoo, what makes you think what I say is any less of a surprise to me than you?

#576202 +(672)- [X]

* Mapionetka then wonders what the hell he is going to do with his 32mb mem stick
<ginji> stick it where the sun doesn't shine Mapionetka ?
<Mapionetka> in my computer room?

#576204 +(29)- [X]

babygirl1975150:    im lost
Liv: BE LSOT~!'
blaxthos: seek jesus
blaxthos: i hear he sells maps by the interstate
blaxthos: he also does my yard on occasion

#576262 +(2104)- [X]

McKhaos: this guy asks me
McKhaos: how many people work in your company ?
McKhaos: my answer
McKhaos: about a third

#576373 +(44)- [X]

<Baumann> all I know is that Pascal is really pretty
<Dan> I think Pascal is a little chubby to be called pretty.
<Baumann> <<insert your mom comment here>>
<Dan> man, comparing my mom to pascal would be harsh
<Baumann> on Pascal, I know
<Baumann> you're mom's more like VB
<Baumann> bloaty and only stupid people would touch it

#577081 +(901)- [X]

<Twin`> magneto-optic media a laser heats up one side of the disc
<Twin`> which induces a magnetic quality on the other side
<Twin`> the magnetic head then write to the surface while it's heated
<Twin`> as for playback, the laser bounces light off it's side, and thanks to the kerr effect, reads the information off that way
<Fearless> Really.
<Fearless> I just put the disc in
<Fearless> and hit play
<Fearless> that also works

#577240 +(2161)- [X]

<spree> i wish i had a southern accent
<shy> gday mate
<videogameaholic> not that southern
<shy> hola amigo
<videogameaholic> getting closer
<shy> howdy yall
<videogameaholic> close enough

#577451 +(10305)- [X]

<DmncAtrny> I will write on a huge cement block "BY ACCEPTING THIS BRICK THROUGH YOUR WINDOW, YOU ACCEPT IT AS IS AND AGREE TO MY DISCLAIMER OF ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, AS WELL AS DISCLAIMERS OF ALL LIABILITY, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL OR INCIDENTAL, THAT MAY ARISE FROM THE INSTALLATION OF THIS BRICK INTO YOUR BUILDING."
<DmncAtrny> And then hurl it through the window of a Sony officer
<DmncAtrny> and run like hell

#577458 +(2926)- [X]

<Knives> hey jiv
<Knives> do you know the 4 types of female orgasms?
* Jiv admits he does not
<Knives> Well, the first, is the Religious orgasm
<Knives> or the, Spiritual orgasm
<Knives> it goes something like this
<Knives> "Oh GOD! oh GOD!  OH OH OH GOD!"
<Knives> the 2nd, is the positive orgasm---" OH YES! OH YES! OH YES!"
<Knives> to which comes the third, the negative orgasm... "OH NO! OH NO! OH NO!"
<Knives> and then finally
<Knives> the fake orgasm
<Knives> "OH JIV! OH JIV!  OH OH JIV!"
<Hawk> lol
<Jiv> ....bitch

#577493 +(204)- [X]

<Ned> I should open up a resturant with the claim that it's jewish and kosher and all that
<Ned> and put ham in everything
<Ned> that'd be awesome
<Ned> kind of like rape, but not really

#577504 +(2825)- [X]

<davo0o> My girlfriend has been playing hard to get lately.
<lex> Did you inflate her with helium this time?

#577535 +(693)- [X]

<eXeLoR> My gf was all like, "you havn't made eye contact once this evening", she was hell pissed
<sILLA> You should have told her that breasts don't have eyes

#577670 +(1188)- [X]

pAtRiCkAaRoN06: DUDE..you know what we r gonna name our band?
Jahwarrior06: what?
pAtRiCkAaRoN06: "the big glove"
Jahwarrior06: the big glove? wtf?
pAtRiCkAaRoN06: yea...that way when we get done playing and the PA dude comes up there he can say "let's have a big hand for The Big Glove"

#578064 +(2039)- [X]

<tdo> i was helping my tech teacher out a few days in july or so
<tdo> and i got some calls
<tdo> from potential customers
<tdo> and one of them was this little boy who couldn't have been more than six or seven
<tdo> and he was almost in TEARS
<tdo> "everything i type is in caps what do i do my moms goinng to kill me"

#578314 +(671)- [X]

<Rhett> yes yes, but that's bringing hyperbole into an argument that, while silly, remains grounded in fact
<moros|sreep> I'm not quite sure what hyperbole is, come to think of it..
<Rhett> it's where the ADD children have their football championship

#578715 +(386)- [X]

[Yaksha] We call this kids' mom 'Mapquest'
[norris] why's that?
[Yaksha] She has multicolored veins visible all over her body, looks like downtown Phoenix.

#578721 +(1526)- [X]

Sefy89: God my mom wont stop yelling
Dested: wat did u do this time?
Sefy89: i called her a lazy bitch and told her to get up and do some work
Dested: ...doesnt your mom have a broken leg?
Sefy89: thus the noise

#578788 +(1071)- [X]

<Warmaster_Horus> But some of the stuff you can do with mayo is good
<NiTessine> Yes. Like assassinations.
<Mithran> You assassinate people with mayo?
<NiTessine> Nobody ever suspects mayo.

#578791 +(442)- [X]

<Narbs_> I don't understand why most virus scanners scan media files by default
<Narbs_> I don't need my tranny porn collection scanned for viruses
<bonk`> except HIV

#579611 +(355)- [X]

<M3rlin-> what is the legal age to buy alcoholic in england ?
<p5Ds13a06> you cant buy alcoholics
<p5Ds13a06> but if you wink the right way, some of them will follow you home for free

#579685 +(2017)- [X]

Rude: holy shit people take everything the wrong way. I was having dinner, so when I get back to the comp my buddy asks what I was doing. so i told him, and he's like "oh yeah? that your code name for jacking off nowadays?"
Rude: then just now i was jacking off and someone asked what I was doing, so I told em i was jerking, and they're like "lmao, so what're you actually doing? making dinner or someshit?"
Rude: I'm just going to make shit up from now on :/

#579742 +(1171)- [X]

<digamond> was a dude in a school that installed Firefox
<digamond> the girl next to him asks what he is doing
<digamond> he told her .. that he is installing a new web browser..
<digamond> after that
<digamond> when he started up the Firefox and went to google .. she looked at him and said..
<digamond> that was not so nessesery .. it still shows the same websites

#579857 +(-276)- [X]

‹Degskalle› There is no point in arguing with an idiot, they will just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience

#579863 +(1393)- [X]

Azreal Kurokiba: Oh man, I just came up with the best superhero ever.
Azreal Kurokiba: He could be called THE SOAP BAR.
Azreal Kurokiba: And his catchphrase could be "How about I drop YOU in jail?"

#579865 +(2041)- [X]

Skylos : dang its irritating when I get phone calls and they just hang up
Triggur: call them back with caller ID and then hang up!
Triggur: ever get a Heavy-Breathing call?
Triggur: I did once and I told him, "oh god, that is SO hot.  can I jack off too?"
Triggur: turns out it was my mom winded from walking upstairs.

#580162 +(1072)- [X]

<BigPigPeaches> So my GF and I are watching “The Empire Strikes Back” last night. Let me say that this is possibly my favorite movie of all time.
<BigPigPeaches> But suddenly I consider: we have always thought of R2D2 as a light-hearted comic relief type of droid. With his tweets, chirps, raspberries, and whoops, how could he be anything other than cute?
<BigPigPeaches> But what if people were misunderstanding what he is actually saying? What if he could be accurately translated? And what if he were saying things that weren’t cute at all? To wit:
<BigPigPeaches> (The scene where Luke and R2D2 are leaving Hoth in Luke’s x-wing)
<BigPigPeaches> Artoo: Hey, assclamp, where the hell are you hauling me?
<BigPigPeaches> Luke: There’s nothing wrong, Artoo, I’m just setting a new course.
<BigPigPeaches> Artoo: Oh, goodie. Are we going to see your dad? Cause you know he’s Darth Vader, right? I mean, you know that, otherwise you’re even more of a dumbass than I thought.
<BigPigPeaches> Luke: We’re not going to regroup with the others.
<BigPigPeaches> Artoo: That’s probably because they know what they’re doing, and you don’t.
<BigPigPeaches> Luke: We’re going to the Dagobah system.
<BigPigPeaches> Artoo: The Bagadouche system? What an appropriate destination for a douchebag such as yourself. Are you sure you don’t want me to fly? Cause I’ll bet you’re going to crash us into some godforsaken swampy bog, you mindless pube.
<BigPigPeaches> (Later on in Cloud City, during the escape scene)
<BigPigPeaches> 3PO: Artoo! Where have you been?
<BigPigPeaches> Artoo: Listen, you bronzed dildo, I’ve been dicking around in a frigging swamp for the better part of two weeks while some wannabe wizard has been taking advice from an ancient lizard. I got slime in my droid genitals, a bad yeast infection, and I’m not in the mood for your prissy shit, so put a metal cork in it, buttnozzle.
<BigPigPeaches> 3PO: Well at least you’re still in one piece, look what happened to me!
<BigPigPeaches> Artoo: Yeah yeah yeah, you got blasted to shit, they should have left your ass in that scrap heap. You have contributed absolutely nothing useful to this point. By the way, how is it that you’re even more of a whiny bitch than you were in the first three movies? I thought they wiped your frigging memory.
<BigPigPeaches> Do they have some sort of universal “BitchBot” app that they keep putting in your lame ass? Bitch.
<BigPigPeaches> (while trying to unlock the landing platform door)
<BigPigPeaches> 3PO: Artoo, you can tell the computer to override the security system!
<BigPigPeaches> Artoo: Oh, thanks for reminding me, you pretentious fuckstick. Do you know what else I can do? I can FRIGGING FLY! George Lucas said so! But that didn’t stop me from falling into an effing swamp on that Bagadouche planet. By the way, did you know that Darth Vader is Luke’s father? Cause I DO!
<BigPigPeaches> Oh, look, I got fried by a goddamn computer terminal. Thanks, dickweed.
<BigPigPeaches> 3PO: Don’t blame me. I'm an interpreter. I'm not supposed to know a power socket from a computer terminal.
<BigPigPeaches> Artoo: You’re supposed to know your droid ass from a hole in the ground, but you don’t. Jesus, I should have left your sorry ass on that ship, you sphincter. Just wait till I get to use my little welding thingy on your droid scrote. I hate you and all these miserable bastards. Where’s my Oscar?

#580518 +(-640)- [X]

RWG> my site is back up
@Doraemon> Whore-ray!

#580604 +(1490)- [X]

<Char> i think my favourite smooth move of his was when she said in aim he was kind of being creepy
<Char> so he got her mobile number form somewhere and phoned to apologise

#580682 +(568)- [X]

Petrosjko: How ya doin'?
Keucu: I had a complete nervous breakdown and tried to drive my car off an overpass today and I think I scared the fuck out of Julian.
Keucu: But I'm feeling better.

#580701 +(2923)- [X]

<iibbmm> Stupid World of Warcraft.
<iibbmm> I have no money, I have no skills.  All of the hot hot elvin women are dancing with the big warrior guys.  It's college all over again.

#580702 +(2133)- [X]

<Indiana> What's a cuntwaffle?
<Indiana> Ah, never mind, I'll ask my mom when she comes on. She knows everything about cooking and food.

#581631 +(1822)- [X]

<carkeys> arpad you there?
<Meritt> That's the first time I've seen car keys go looking for their owner.

#582005 +(2375)- [X]

* andy Quit (Quit: Your Mom is so dumb that she tried to minimize a 12 variable function to a minimal sum of products expression using a karnaugh map instead of the Quine-McCluskey Algorithm.)

#582052 +(-443)- [X]

<ardnew> no way. all europeans are the same. they have hearts made of cheese.
<ardnew> and they can breath underwater.
<ardnew> not to mention the tails they are born with...
<SysSpider> i thought it was a replacement penis

#582103 +(730)- [X]

(Sporq) i gotta take a linux.
(Blaxthos) don't forget to flush.

#582133 +(1913)- [X]

<lapyap> i was at this party and this really fuckin ugly drunk chick and I were talkin and she kept trying to get it on with me
<lapyap> so later in the night she come up to me and says ‘don’t you want to go down on me?” so I say “ I;m jewish, I cant eat pig”
<lapyap> she slapped me after that :p

#582647 +(-1069)- [X]

sessorach: you know whats funny?
sessorach: offering people sexual favors in exchange for something
sessorach: be like "Ill give you sexual favors for that whatever"
mathJunkie314: you know whats funny?
mathJunkie314: me reading that last sentence before the rest O_o

#583201 +(1312)- [X]

<silentpyjamas> heeehheeeh.  once my sister's former best friend was having a baby and she couldn't think of a name.  we walked past a coke machine and i said "how about dasani?"  how was i to know she'd totally take my advice?  i'm responsible for a kid being named after a coke product

#583257 +(591)- [X]

Nightcrawler3122: dude, this whole Xbox 360 craze is horrible
Nightcrawler3122: i mean, people are being held at gunpoint for their 360s
Ziddy5: of course
Nightcrawler3122: its so stupid
Nightcrawler3122: all the while, Bill Gates is laughing while playing his Xbox 720


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