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#560559 +(1224)- [X]

<VUlpixLover> making fun of people who can't read is intolerable.  you shouldn't say anything mean about them.
<NoTruth> Yeah you should write it.

#560613 +(672)- [X]

<Black_Kniggit> That's nothing compared to back when I played Fallout 2
<Black_Kniggit> I stole the coins from every NPC in the entire game!
<Black_Kniggit> and I didn't just steal it as such, I stole it one coin at a time until I had five coins (unless if I failed in which case I would load my game and try again) then I got 150 exp and saved my game. Then I did it again. This gave me A LOT of exp points.
<Medmera> WTF?
<Black_Kniggit> Sometimes I used the steal skill to give them back money, so I could steal some more
<Medmera> you will lose your virginity in your next life.

#560674 +(1341)- [X]

GeoffSharron: a spider just hid inside my keyboard
GeoffSharron: and this sentence probably crushed him
GeoffSharron: i think he was under the m key
GeoffSharron: mmmm
GeoffSharron: m key
GeoffSharron: m m m m

#560710 +(764)- [X]

<andkore> can somebody say something positive the government has done in the past 5 years? please?
<gorn> no, you'd have to go to before bush was elected to see something positive
<JuggaloAnt> when clinton banged that chick?
<gorn> yeah
<gorn> that was positive
<gorn> make love not war

#560745 +(86)- [X]

<shaine> Siege: kansas' best song is dust in the wind. listen to it
<Siege> k ill download it
<Siege> Haha i accidentally typed in "dst in the wind" in the search box
<Siege>  and child pron came up.
<shaine> you must have turned on 'my favorites' or something.

#560932 +(397)- [X]

<ckoo> haha some lady asked me where she could get headphones so I told her "the source"  aka radioshack.   She walked outside,  turned,  and walked straight toward "SOURCE adult video"
<reaper> Ahahahah!

#561141 +(1881)- [X]

<quadropheniac57> so we're talking about aboriginal symbols in school today
<quadropheniac57> and i tell my group that i read it was bad luck to kill an emu, except i say emo on accident
<quadropheniac57> so i laugh and say "actually, it's pretty good luck to kill an emo"
<quadropheniac57> this girl, overweight, dyed black hair, eyeshadow, not goth but close
<quadropheniac57> says "no, emo is sad. emo is short for emotional"
<quadropheniac57> so i respond "no, emo is short for stupid"
<quadropheniac57> she says "no, it's for emotional. emo people are emotional beings who live that way to relieve their pain"
<quadropheniac57> i say "emo people are self-absorbed attention-seeking idiots who listen to crappy music"
<quadropheniac57> rest of class, she gives me the most dark and depressed death glare
<quadropheniac57> THE WHOLE REST OF CLASS, that's like 45 minutes, she's just death-looking me, not even turning her head
<quadropheniac57> i swear, she's gonna kill herself this weekend, and it's all my fault
<civilpunkbikes> good luck coming your way
<quadropheniac57> amen

#561357 +(504)- [X]

<Mr_Blud> That looks like a mosquito
<ThunderMax> I hate mosquitos
<ThunderMax> they're like the Jehovah's Witnesses of nature

#561386 +(362)- [X]

<Ryuhou> bravo is pissing me off with its "movies that changed the world!" crap.
<Ryuhou> they keep saying "men stopped having affairs in 1987 after fatal attraction."
<Ryuhou> i'm sorry.  what world are you from?
<Ryuhou> of course
<Ryuhou> they follow that up with a
<Ryuhou> IT STAYS IN VEGAS commercial

#561408 +(402)- [X]

<Baintz> Wikipedia is now used like the dictionary, meant to be serious but used to look up dirty words

#561572 +(185)- [X]

<stark> hi guys, anyone got a webpage on how ms exchange works?
<@normal1> sure
<@normal1> <html><title>How MS exchange works</title><head><body> MS EXCHANGE SUCKS ARSE </body></head>
<takeaction> normal1: WOW! I think that's the best explination of exchange I have ever seen...

#561675 +(1786)- [X]

<Ashley> No, believe me... my job SUCKS.
<Ashley> We have to clock out to go to the bathroom. What kind of shit is that?
<Robert> The kind you don't get paid for.

#561902 +(835)- [X]

<Klaatu> I logged into the admin account in a comp at my uni.
<Klaatu> I drew the word "Owned" and set it as the wallpaper.
<Hl1> Meh, that's good enough to hang with us. >.>
<Klaatu> 1337 :D
<Hl1> You just lost your cred.
<Klaatu> Aw fux0r. :(
<Hl1> And slowly going into the negatives...

#561914 +(1192)- [X]

<DJnerate> I saw the epitome of laziness today
<DJnerate> there was this family at the mall, they were pretty overweight
<DJnerate> they were headed for the escalator but maintenance had shut it down for the day
<DJnerate> and the mother exclaims, "Oh no, how are we gonna get down?"
<DJnerate> i was laughing my ass off watching them trying to figure it out

#561940 +(1031)- [X]

(surfer) we tried to take off a stop sign
(Katriel) what did the sign say?
(surfer) stop

#562130 +(572)- [X]

<thatbox> jpg artifacts are no fun for anyone!
<Binjuice> What about jpg archeologists?

#562344 +(1642)- [X]

<DarthFoamy> Ah, unstable connections
<DarthFoamy> How do I despise thee?
<DarthFoamy> Let me count the ways!
<DarthFoamy> 1
<DarthFoamy> 2
* DarthFoamy has quit IRC (Quit: Ping timeout)

#562582 +(1079)- [X]

<tumnus> i just set my clock the easiest way ever
<tumnus> i waited until it was midnight then i plugged it in and left it

#562727 +(1186)- [X]

Sui Kiogi Az: you have such a succinct way with words you know
RuShKiN AsS: Damn skippy i do
RuShKiN AsS: I"m a fuckin magician with words
RuShKiN AsS: Ask amy!
RuShKiN AsS: Watch... you see the word fuck
RuShKiN AsS: I'll cut it in two
RuShKiN AsS: Now i will make it disapear
Sui Kiogi Az: you're a true wordsmith
RuShKiN AsS: 
Sui Kiogi Az: I...don't know ::cries::
RuShKiN AsS: Oh whats that behind your ear... **pulls fuck out**

#563043 +(142)- [X]

<ILuvChitlins> listen buddy you had best stop trying to hack people with your script kiddie ways
<ILuvChitlins> or someone might get pissed off and ban you from the internet
<Arsvith> Remind me again. You know /how/ much about computers?

#563331 +(1245)- [X]

<chrisg> is it star wars ep. 2 thats got the litte green guy jumpin about fighting and stuff?
<grifferz> what you have just asked, is, to a star wars fan, akin to saying, "so, that bible, is that the one where the beardy guy conjures up a heap of fish?" to a christian

#563614 +(971)- [X]

<Fenril> That reminds me, there's a deaf person in one of my classes, and she has a personal sign-language person.
<Fenril> And it's really freaking distracting.
<Satan> Now there's a job I wouldn't mind having.
<Cact> I don't have a beef with the deaf, it's just that they freak me out with their moans and grunts sometimes.
<Fenril> I don't either, but it's hard to learn with a person standing 3 feet from you and looking like she's having a sock-puppet fight with herself.

#564038 +(116)- [X]

<Obliterat> do you have a fast connection or are you just fast at typing?

#564053 +(251)- [X]

fukapuka: im gonna go to my other pc for a bit
idolcrash: ooh your other PC?
idolcrash: where you talk dirty to me and act like your dad?
idolcrash: and I act like some kid in michigan?
idolcrash: and if that is your dad please don't tell me

#564059 +(339)- [X]

<Mivalekan> the next generation of games will feature not consoles
<Mivalekan> but the games only which will only be tiny capsules
<Mivalekan> with which you insert into your anus and the game plays in your brain
<Nosnam> So basically, the next generation of games will be an LSD suppository?

#564186 +(671)- [X]

<Raidonkid> My sister is fucking slow. She came home last night complaining about how her boyfriend lied to her and got her pregnant. He told her he was circumcized twice and she thought it meant he was sterile.

#564197 +(469)- [X]

<+host> finally, I got some good help in #debian in freenode
<+host> and another lesson learned
<+host> I will never let someone ssh to my computer to upgrade it
<+host> again

#564283 +(2299)- [X]

<jdigittl> i just filled out an online mortgage application to test something. I just received a phone call from a mortgage broker: "Hi, I'd like to speak with, um, Mr Testy McTest..."

#564342 +(761)- [X]

<Kiell> So I get a text message on Friday from a number I didn't recognise...
<Kiell> it reads:
<Kiell> "Hi agatha this is betty i do not have very many clothes to be ironed this week i am sorry but please can you come next week. i hope you are well. betty."
<Kiell> I ponder this for an hour or two, and then reply:
<Kiell> "That's ok, betty.  I fucking suck at ironing. See you next week.  Aggie."

#564744 +(683)- [X]

<YelseyKing> I was in a spelling bee once, when I was in second grade.
<YelseyKing> The funny part is, it was for fifth and sixth graders.
<YelseyKing> I was one of the last ones left standing, but I lost thanks to &%&$&(%(&$& Mary Poppins.
<Indogutsu> They made you spell "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?"
<YelseyKing> No. "Chimney."

#564748 +(776)- [X]

Gimpy: lifes a bitch and im her pimp
HjMC: Fuck life!
Gimpy: that'll be 50 dollars

#564774 +(1970)- [X]

<narg> So my sister is about to enter college, and she was telling everyone her room number - 404.
<narg> Then one day, she was looking at a college letter with my parents, and she's like crap, my room number is 414!
<narg> Reflexivly, I said if people went there, they would be like 404: Julie not found.
<narg> No one even looked my way ;(

#564842 +(1564)- [X]

<%typobox43> (I/O, I/O, it's to the bus we go)
<%typobox43> I can just imagine the electrical pulses singing that.
<+BlindFool> You need to be shot

#565246 +(971)- [X]

<snow> hurricanes are like women
<snow> when they come, they're wet and wild, and when they leave they take your house and car.

#565281 +(645)- [X]

<cjr> My dad was in Edinburgh on holiday, and he was walking around a street with lots of expensive restaurants
<cjr> And there was a homeless guy selling magazines at the corner
<cjr> So he bought one, and had a chat
<cjr> Then he asked "Do you know any good restaurants around here?"
<cjr> The homeless guy just stares at him for about ten seconds and says "Yeah, I don't really eat out very often... but I'd imagine they are all pretty good"
<cjr> I think my dad ran away after that

#565565 +(1621)- [X]

<Buddy`leftBehind`Lee> My wife demanded I take her out some place expensive
<Buddy`leftBehind`Lee> I took her to a gas station

#566068 +(52)- [X]

Yojimbo: Why do they bother calling them biker chicks, why not just "dykers?"

#566576 +(1262)- [X]

<Shinji> good thing my microphone converts text two words! i never half too worry about some won beeting me two the punchlime.

#567023 +(578)- [X]

<RamaWURK> THe first few hours of work
<RamaWURK> Just drag on
<Jato> Hey Rama.
<The_Orichalcon> Rama, play "What's that noise"
<The_Orichalcon> it helps pass the time
<Jato> How do you play "What's that noise"
<The_Orichalcon> you listen for a little while, and try to hear a noise that you can't quite make out
<The_Orichalcon> then you go around finding out what's making the noise
<The_Orichalcon> or the multiplayer version
<The_Orichalcon> if you have mates that are bored
<RamaWURK> lol
<The_Orichalcon> they make some noises
<The_Orichalcon> and you have to find out where and what they are
<Jato> TO, you are on a whole other level of boredom.

#567151 +(-817)- [X]

<@ChrisH> Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes
<@ChrisH> by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident"
<@ChrisH> "OH DEAR GOD NO!!!" George W. Bush exclaims. "That's terrible!!"  His
<@ChrisH> staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the
<@ChrisH> president sits, head in hands. Finally, the President, devastated, looks
<@ChrisH> up and asks..........  "How many is a Brazillion??!"

#567437 +(2201)- [X]

Nail: my chemistry teacher has bad grammar
Traceur: how so
Nail: princiPAL laws of quantum numbers
Traceur: he put principle?
Nail: no
Nail: put principal
Traceur: do yuo know the difference between those two wordS?
Nail: yeah, principal is like the school administrator
Nail: because he's your pal
Traceur: 'principal' also means 'main'
Traceur: a 'principle' is a concept
Traceur: your principal failure comes from not understanding the principles of grammar.
Nail: fuck you.

#567959 +(470)- [X]

Genovese Laptop: so how long does it take to eat doom 3 hell
OpenSourceKeys: depends on the size of your bytes
Genovese Laptop: ba-zing

#567966 +(1780)- [X]

<n909> cool the girl across the street has her window on
<n909> and it's light enough that i can use binoculars
<n909> brb
<jack|ass> n909: you are a horrible person.
<jack|ass> n909: a gentleman would set up a webcam so all could enjoy.

#568344 +(422)- [X]

<Brian> I'll drink to that.
<Huitzil> You'll drink to changing the batteries in your smoke detector!
<Huitzil> Which is quite important, don't get me wrong, but not really a drinkable occurance.
<Brian> Hey!  I don't have a drinking problem!
<Brian> If anything, I'm TOO good at it. <_<

#569075 +(325)- [X]

<Nitrix> Im using VI to edit a file, is anyone able to tell me how i save and exit?
* EvolutionCrazy has joined #ev1servers
<agruetz> Nitrix :wq!
<Nitrix> whats :wq!?
<Nitrix> as in i press colon on the keyboard?
<Nitrix> so ALT ; ?
<agruetz> no shift + ;
<agruetz> maybe you should not be touching a computer let alone be a server admin on a *nix box...

#569178 +(179)- [X]

<SharpShooter>  else if( $A['type'] ']']']']']== ']']']']']==']']']']==']']']==']']==']=='poll' )  <--- anything wrong with that line?
<@Gordon> Ya, I get kinda dizzy when I try to read it
<@Working> what the fuck.

#569287 +(261)- [X]

[@Swiftar]: 1-800-Flowers just sent me the "I Fucked Your Sister, I'm Sorry" deal. Buy 24 roses get 24 free.

#569645 +(1467)- [X]

<Thrice> my computer has 400 NIGGABYTES FREE!!!!!!
<Deadbolt> niggabytes count as 3/5 of a byte, right?

#571740 +(2452)- [X]

DerANgeD: not cool! ctrl+w closes firefox 
DerANgeD: I was trying to press shift+w and accidentally hit my ctrl button 
Triumph: whats shift+w?
DerANgeD: a capital W dumbass

#571826 +(373)- [X]

Annabel0Lee: I saw Jesus in my pop tart this morning.
LUunfortunate: did you eat it?
Annabel0Lee: Yes, is that wrong?
LUunfortunate: You coulda made money off of it
LUunfortunate: and then bought like a bunch of replacement poptarts
Annabel0Lee: Well, I haven't had communion in a while...

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