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#542595 +(679)- [X]

themadchef: they dont hire that often
themadchef: i went there awhile ago
iLOVEthat AliceD: and?
themadchef: they werent hiring
themadchef: lol
iLOVEthat AliceD: thats a fucked up story man
iLOVEthat AliceD: i liked the twist ending

#542943 +(751)- [X]

<Vipsta> I once keylogged this guy coding C
<Vipsta> biggest fucking mess ever :\

#543059 +(414)- [X]

<ag> Diablo-D3: Have you considered Front Page?  It's much easier, and you still get to look dumb.

#543436 +(3260)- [X]

<opensoar> you know how my wife looks really young right?
<jb> yeah - she looks about 15
<opensoar> we'd been playing tennis and she was in little shorts and a t-shirt
<opensoar> we went to a mall and i figured i'd embarrass her with a bit sloppy kiss..
<jb> lol - you bastard!
<opensoar> after i'd slobbered all over her, she pushed me away and shouted out "Ew! Dad! GROSS!"
<opensoar> the whole place thought i was some kind of pervy..

#543726 +(1169)- [X]

<root66> so, I was contracted to write a text messaging client for windows. I said I wanted $250 upfront and $250 upon completion. He only sent $200
<root66> so I completed it but made it crippled and put "demo" in the titlebar
<root66> and he told me "this is just some demo you downloaded. I am not giving you any more money"
<root66> so I changed "demo" to "cheapskate version - that means you dave" and sent it again
<root66> now he won't answer my emails

#543728 +(1262)- [X]

(placid|work) i knew a girl that was fat just because of her asthma medication
(@Rayn) what was she taking for asthma ... cheeseburgers?

#543730 +(878)- [X]

<JDProject> can someone explain the difference between a hub and a router ?
<ffejtable> one works at layer 2, the other at layer 3+
<LeddyWK> if he's asking the difference, chances are he doesn't know the osi model

#543764 +(757)- [X]

diggertrocknroll: Graham, my girlfriend just listed bukkake as one of the top five ways to kill a man
diggertrocknroll: I blame you
Grahamenstein: why me?
Grahamenstein: there were four other guys

#543807 +(-57)- [X]

<tally> why does it seem like out of the ton of people listed on the right, only four are talking
<vette> the rest are whispering

#543933 +(2422)- [X]

[Buck_Satan] take the amount of pussy you've gotten, times that by three and that should be a rough estimate of how much I've gotten
[Buck_Satan] fag
[Baron von Mannsechs] 0 x 3 = 0, Buck

#544203 +(913)- [X]

<atrus> i worked on a project once where somebody named variables defined in various places explicity so on one line of code, it showed up as:
<atrus> function_name($all, $urBase, $rBelong, $toUs);
<atrus> closest i've ever come to manslaughter

#544452 +(115)- [X]


#544637 +(2436)- [X]

MasterKayin: Dude, those Kamakazi pilots in WW2 were crazy...
MasterKayin: If they threw me in a plane and told me to go crash into something
MasterKayin: I'd just take off and go somewhere else
MasterKayin: Like on vacation or something along those lines
MasterKayin: I'd go to Hawaii
MasterKayin: Er... wait...

#544722 +(491)- [X]

<%Justin> lol
<%Justin> I've always wanted to ask a girl for a cron job and see what they would say.
<+Steph> probably, WTF
<%Justin> hmm
<%Justin> Steph, will you give me a cronjob.
<%Justin> Everynight @ 2

#545197 +(1025)- [X]

<Papa_Trousers> you ever think the guys who invented the word sex spelled it that way so we could type it with our left hands?

#545495 +(539)- [X]

[GmJ] some idiot made a iso of 2 more isos
[GmJ] so when I burned it
[GmJ] there are 2 isos on the cd

#546198 +(1095)- [X]

<hammergunner>  i want to see a big red button one day that read "push here to understand women"
<cccnnn> hammer: yeah that's the withdraw cash button on the ATM machine.

#546383 +(461)- [X]

<Shiv> really, how can you make a "combatting illiteracy" poster anyway?
<Shiv> make it a map to the library?

#546800 +(1192)- [X]

<Dogan> but I knew this one mathematician guy in college
<Dogan> he tried to apply for a grant to get funding for his project
<Dogan> and on the form he said his project involved "studying the effects of tropical vacations on mathematicians"

#546813 +(989)- [X]

<itior> XML is like violence, if it doesn't solve the problem, just use more.

#547569 +(3506)- [X]

M8525888: here, you gotta press a and e really fast
Ryoji 17: ae
Ryoji 17: ae
Ryoji 17: ae
Ryoji 17: ae
Ryoji 17: ae
Ryoji 17: ae
M8525888: i o u
Ryoji 17: ae
Ryoji 17: ae

#547572 +(798)- [X]

Blade Madrigal: Why don't Libraries carry books on suicide?
Ice Sickle: They'd never get returned?
Blade Madrigal: there you go.
Ice Sickle wins.
BanishTheShadowKing: .. Dang. That's the first time I ever saw anyone answer a joke. That's awesome.
HailFire: Neko, you have l337 skills.

#548669 +(1604)- [X]

(SirJohnny) How do you feel about the US in the middle east?
(Talya) Uhhh
(Talya) They give us money
(Talya) so w00t
(SirJohnny) What if Bush woke up one day, and was like "WE'RE GOING TO INVADE ISRAEL BECAUSE...UHM...LIKE, I THINK THEY HAVE NUCLEAR WEAPONS!" what would you do? XD
(Talya) (we do have nuclear weapons)

#548837 +(515)- [X]

<rhc> apparently it's rude if
<rhc> somebody asks if you have a light
<rhc> and you reply: "yes, but it's at the end of the tunnel"

#549412 +(542)- [X]

<AmW> I got rearended by a car with "CARMA" vanity plates today.
<AmW> destiny can't spell.

#549598 +(1020)- [X]

Threatis I'm trying to figure out what "geek" tattoo I'm getting.
khmer Threatis: get <blink> tattooed on your eyelids

#549651 +(1122)- [X]

<Velk> I have my school pay phones on my cell contact list
<Velk> my friend and I plan to go to New York city and take down as many pay phone numbers as we can
<Velk> and single out a person, and every payphone he passes we'll call
<Velk> just to creep him out

#551813 +(2233)- [X]

Mike: I had a random thought in the shower just before
Mike: I think I was still half asleep
Mike: if you smacked a kid in the face with a bottle of johnson's no more tears, would it create beautiful irony?
Hopper: ROFL

#552501 +(1079)- [X]

Keewa: ::buries her head in your shit:: X3
Keewa: ...errr
Keewa: shirt*

#553209 +(805)- [X]

<timmo> it blows my mind
<timmo> that some people want to just be born, grow up, etc just in one place
<timmo> and not go out and explore the world
<v3dd3r> shutup magellan

#553301 +(1305)- [X]

<EvilBlood> i had a crazy dream last night
<EvilBlood> my mother barged into my room and started hitting my computer
<EvilBlood> i threw her down, and ended up sniffing her pussy through her panties
<EvilBlood> weird
@ tanlin999 so what was the dream?
<EvilBlood> oh yeah that
<EvilBlood> well

#553362 +(399)- [X]

<pab> dude, how do you know what condom size to get
<pab> I dont want it to be ockward... but I have no idea
<pab> is there a way to view webcam over irc?
<omnica> ....
<omnica> bring the measurements to the pharmicist
<pab> it's 2am...
<omnica> bring measurements to the 7-11 attendant

#553790 +(3746)- [X]

<Victorian_Skunk> Is there a new virus going around? My Windows has suddenly changed to another language! I think it's Croatian.
<Dan> You Got Serbed!

#553813 +(533)- [X]

<earmuff-man> Yeah the last plane out of Sydney's almost gone
<earmuff-man> And it's really got me worried
<earmuff-man> I'm goin' nowhere and I'm in a hurry
<earmuff-man> And the last plane out of Sydney's almost gone
<spinifex> earmuff man can i be an op?
<spinifex> just for tonight?
<earmuff-man> ok 
* earmuff-man sets mode: +o spinifex
* ChanServ sets mode: +l 12
<earmuff-man> Well the last plane out of Sydney's almost gone
* earmuff-man was kicked by spinifex (quit your singing bitch)
<spinifex> bahahahhhaa

#554294 +(516)- [X]

SuperGiddyup222: I just watched an episode of married with children and ate a TV dinner
work it joe: youre living the american dream
work it joe: one heartbreaking piece at a time

#554631 +(1213)- [X]

<Diamant>I just compleated intercourse with your female parental unit, as they say in the hood.

#554632 +(742)- [X]

thejew: omg i just found a memory leak that has existed since the dawn of time
PlasmaHH: hm, this would explain why the universe is so big...

#554689 +(1769)- [X]

Steve: I was buying condoms for a friend of mine at the beach in a drug store
Steve: and I also picked up one of those freezable ice packs cuz I hurt my knee surfing that day
Steve: I put both of the items on teh counter
Steve: the big black guy behind the counter looks at me and says quite loudly
Steve: son, what are you gonna do to that poor girl
Steve: this older couple that was checking out looks at me and then hurries out fo the store

#554909 +(130)- [X]

<boon> today started out so aweful
<boon> I got up early, poured a bowl of cereal, OJ...I was set. Had 45min until I had to leave for work.  I thought I'd go downstairs and grab the laundry from the dryer before I started eating
<boon> I get to the bottom of the stairs and *slam*...the door to my place closes behind me
<boon> SCREWED
<Kammo> oh, no! You had to open the door?!

#556104 +(1540)- [X]

<themole> I was thinking of quiting my job at target
<soapy> you should look into getting a job at goatse
<soapy> I heard they have a large opening

#556673 +(1941)- [X]

prettykittikat: Im going 2 the club 2night
Syric 2005: im going 2 lern 2 tipe 2nite 2
prettykittikat: what?
Syric 2005: Exactly

#556995 +(621)- [X]

<Rev> my house of 1000 corpses download is done
<ix> what a waste of bandwidth
<@Volsus> unless that's a sims expansion pack

#557489 +(875)- [X]

marksmith101: hello there
Le Steph0rz: hi
marksmith101: wanna cybur??
Le Steph0rz: sure babe asl
marksmith101: 16/m/ca in florida, titusville
Le Steph0rz: 29/f/ca
Le Steph0rz: holy shit man!
marksmith101: oh strip for me babe
marksmith101: wat?
Le Steph0rz: i think i know u!
marksmith101: wtf?
Le Steph0rz: oh shit, its me, ur teacher, ms. stephanie brown!!
Marksmith101 has logged off.

#558075 +(1254)- [X]

<@RaptorIIC> Error: Too many arguments when calling GirlFriend();

#558467 +(1517)- [X]

<Canas> your humor pleases only the children and the dim witted
<JackPhantasm> same with your penis

#559155 +(443)- [X]

Maxim: My alarm clock software demo expired.
Maxim: So I changed the system time by a week, and it worked.
Maxim: But I forgot to change the alarm setting accordingly.
Maxim: So the alarm didn't go off, and I missed the appointment.
Maxim: :-(

#560292 +(568)- [X]

SleepyDog Two more generations and you'll be able to fit an iPod in your rectum
SleepyDog comfortably

#560470 +(470)- [X]

<nick> grah windows just crashed again, unstable crap.
<yukito> Windows isn't unstable, it's just spontaneous.

#560513 +(10)- [X]

tboz86: okay, so... some guy in new york stabbed a 10 month old baby last night that was just hanging out in her stroller
squeamish: was he from New Orleans?
tboz86: idk, but who stabs a 10 month old
kimono: a mental case on drugs
tboz86: seriously, that kid will be scared for life

#560540 +(491)- [X]

<anarch> A restaurant in northeastern China that advertised illegal tiger meat dishes was found instead to be selling donkey flesh _ marinated in tiger urine, a newspaper reported Thursday.
<anarch> cant wait to go to china!

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