#495715 +(2111)- [X]
aspuffnstuff: The third one looks like something they used in Star Wards
alykat: lol "star wards"
alykat: an epic about a hospital set in space
alykat: "use the forceps, luke"
volcanogirl: come.. to the bed pan. the bed pan!
aspuffnstuff: OBGYN kenobi!
#495760 +(3323)- [X]
<jack> Urk. I just typed "a" instead of "10"
<anubis> jack : someone must have cast a hex on you
#495887 +(1455)- [X]
<srty> Light travels faster than sound.
<boya> This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
#496098 +(922)- [X]
<Mrs_Grima_Wormtongue> My dad once said that we should just combine Hanukah, Groundhog Day and Easter. We spin the dreidl, and if it lands on "Nun" Jesus has to stay on the cross for 6 more weeks.
#496182 +(675)- [X]
Itsm3: Cardboard, when you were little your parents used to tell you to stop making that face or you would be ugly for the rest of your life.
Itsm3: And then they realized. . . you weren't making a face.
#496748 +(1874)- [X]
<ChapelPaige> Oh tell me why, do we build castles in the sky?
<@Apoc> to make them harder to assault
<ChapelPaige> ...good point.
<@Apoc> Lets see you get a trebuchet up here bitch
#498482 +(2110)- [X]
Crimson Seiko: Maybe a newer version of AIM obliterated the future?
Crimson Seiko: * feature
#499346 +(693)- [X]
<Erin> No manners these days ...
<Erin> like, this policeman last nite
<Erin> there was a breathaliser thing, so we had to stop, n this policeman came up to my mum's window and shone this light right in her eyes
<Erin> and was like "can u see this lite"
<Erin> she like ... "yes sir your shining it in my face"
<Erin> so he goes, "thats what your lights are doing to us, turn them down madam"
<Erin> "its an offence"
<Erin> and didn't even breathalise her.
#499474 +(906)- [X]
<chanman`> everyone at school is saving for a car
<chanman`> im saving for a server rack
#499609 +(485)- [X]
<shen> My computer is broadcasting an IP address...
<shen> I wonder if I can annoy the neighbours by broadcasting it REALLY LOUD
#499764 +(997)- [X]
<Tonberry> I hate it when people forward me God crap.
<Tonberry> Like 'God is our savior, why should we only worship him on Sundays! We should worship him at work, at school, during sex, yaddayaddayadda.'
<Arch|Ryuugan> Wait... during sex... do I need to, like... pray?
<Tonberry> Well, I think 'Oh, God' is sufficient.
#500125 +(2773)- [X]
<Animix> WHO THE HELL HAS 18 CHILDREN
<Animix> 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, IT'S A VAGINA, NOT A CLOWN CAR'
#500338 +(1325)- [X]
<robotobon> i am a bastard operator from hell
<robotobon> i used to sneek into the server room and unplug ethernet at random and run
<robotobon> then 5 minutes later i'd get a call at my desk
<robotobon> and i'd fix it really fast and be a hero
#500728 +(2072)- [X]
<Nalah> My mother marks the English national exams. She was marking one creative writing paper today, and she got to the bottom of the page of one that read "the doctor knelt down beside her and raped her" - she turned the page and it finished "leg in a bandage". Hehe.
#500874 +(3257)- [X]
<possessed27> i <3 philosophy
<prop4g4nd4p4nd4> wtf does that mean
<possessed27> rotate it 90 degrees, you foo
<prop4g4nd4p4nd4> i "ball sac" philosophy?
#500890 +(2888)- [X]
* UB3R-B0T is now known as Kwame
* Kwame is now known as Wheeler
* Wheeler is now known as Linka
* Linka is now known as Gi
* Gi was kicked by Xeiliex (Xeiliex)
* Gi has joined #jasio
* Gi is now known as Ma-ti
* Ma-ti is now known as Everyone
<Everyone> GO PLANET
* Everyone is now known as anonymous
<anonymous> BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED...
* anonymous is now known as Captain_Planet
<Captain_Planet> I AM CAPTAIN PLANET
<Xeiliex> Moiph, NEVER AGAIN
#501347 +(331)- [X]
<@Blaxthos> five, i know of no police department that has a year long academy
<@Blaxthos> i call bullshit
<dk|laptop> obviously you haven't watched police academy
#501429 +(441)- [X]
tj: tho there is this other girl who is like STUNNING i mean... kinda like a blonde cross between avril lavigne and melissa joan hart
@mojo: jesus fucking christ.
@mojo: what is her special power? killing erections?
#501495 +(2231)- [X]
<Kupo> Firefox can fuck itself
<DarknessTear> It can? So THAT's what the Firefox logo is doing.
#501650 +(1472)- [X]
<RobbiePaul> I'm going to work on an econ paper which states that walmart has hurt america, but not the way most people think
<RobbiePaul> i say by keeping prices low, people that shouldn't survive are able to
#501719 +(-876)- [X]
rydia 917: I have an insanity test
rydia 917: 1. Do you speak French? Yes No
rydia 917: Yup, you're insane. Only insane people speak French.
#502084 +(1876)- [X]
* xargs should not drive a bike
<xargs> o _ _ _
<xargs> _o /_ _ \o (_)__/o (_)
<xargs> _< _ _>(_) (_)/<_ _| _|/' /
<xargs> (_)>(_) (_) (_) (_) (_)' _o_
#503373 +(1371)- [X]
Mike: give me a good hosting company tag line
Bleys: "We won't go down on you... unless you pay us extra."
Mike: thanks for your help :P
Bleys: no problem ;)
#503423 +(1795)- [X]
<infoe> silmaril: what about jesus on the cross
<infoe> and he calls to peter
<infoe> and peter tries to approach
<infoe> and the roman guards prevent him with violence
<infoe> they blacken his eye
<infoe> and scuff him up pretty good
<infoe> and jesus calls him again
<infoe> <jesus> peter.
<infoe> and peter cries "i'm coming lord" and throws himself at the guards
<infoe> who beat him roughly and break his arm
<infoe> at which point he whimpers off
<infoe> again jesus calls to peter <jesus> peter...
<infoe> peter yells to christ "i am coming!" and he throws himself at the guards again
<infoe> putting up a vicious struggle but not laying a hand of violence on the guards
<infoe> finally they concent to let him pass
<infoe> and peter .. his broken arm.. badly bruised and slashed makes it before jesus and kneels and says "i am here father what is it that you want of me?"
<infoe> <jesus> peter, i can see your house from here
#505005 +(934)- [X]
ChronikG: Dude, I'm going to hell. I was typing in a porn site and was about to hit enter when all of a sudden "Jesus Walks" comes on the radio.
TragicEnd: did you still go to the site?
ChronikG: Yea, I figured Jesus just wanted to chill and watch porn with me.
#505117 +(3445)- [X]
<7ruth> Oh my god! I'll be right back, parents are making me barbeque.
<Sentral1>Im pretty sure that was a literal version of 'omgbrbbbq'
#505242 +(2219)- [X]
<Zoiks> its my birthday in two weeks :D
<Zoiks> I'mma throw a big party and invite all my friends
<Zoiks> shit dude, I need to start making plans
<+madhtr003> and friends
#505705 +(1655)- [X]
X Garxx X: i found a bag of little black balls in my cabinet
X Garxx X: and i was like cool chocolate balls
X Garxx X: so i started eating them
X Garxx X: and i was lik WHOAH THESE FRICKIN RULE ASS
X Garxx X: I BET THEYD BE GREAT WITH MILK
X Garxx X: ...thats when i realized i was eating coco puffs.
#505728 +(445)- [X]
<duncan> i should get oli to come here.
<duncan> and we should make him get alcohol poisoning.
<n3wt> Or poison poisoning
#505731 +(931)- [X]
miLKm4n2kj: there's a police scanner in my room at work
miLKm4n2kj: it's fun to listen to
miLKm4n2kj: it would be more fun if i could memorize this police code
IcEmanhAxx0r: look at this one
IcEmanhAxx0r: 11-25X Female motorist needs assistance
miLKm4n2kj: that seems rather specific doesn't it?
miLKm4n2kj: 11-25Y = male?
IcEmanhAxx0r: it doesn't have it
miLKm4n2kj: of course
miLKm4n2kj: male motorists don't need assistance
#505739 +(-146)- [X]
(Twisted) you can get 7,200Rpm and decent graphics on Laptops
(@randomPaul) yes with free crotch burn and the associated infertility
(Twisted) Too true
(@randomPaul) I don't see the damn point
! Twisted is glad his laptop is a) Broken b) Sucks
(@randomPaul) if I need to remember something on the move, or do some work on a train.... I use a pen and paper :P
(moredread) hey is that true? I know ppl that would pay good money for crotch burn
(@randomPaul) no infertility there ;)
(@randomPaul) "too skint for condoms? just buy a laptop - with an intel P4 prescott processor!"
(@randomPaul) "the intel P4 prescott, with centrino technology - so you can talk crap on alt.comp.laptop.infertility!"
(Twisted) Newsgroups for teh win!
(moredread) new definition for roast nuts
#505741 +(2943)- [X]
<jsCLASS> lets talk about my johnson
<Mercster> small talk, eh?
#505743 +(2278)- [X]
<dice> You're in Sydney?
<Scott> ahhh yea
<dice> Whatcha doing there?
<dice> Really? You stud! How many?
#506077 +(627)- [X]
<lokk> GM posts 1.9bil loss
<Booster> they should have saved money switching to geico
#506092 +(903)- [X]
<Enjoi> I broke up with my girlfriend because she didn't know what 'modest' meant, so I know how you feel.
<Raven> modest? fuck modesty lol.
<Enjoi> No, she actually didn't know the meaning of the word :P
#506275 +(2388)- [X]
WormyWyrm: I don't think half as many people would pirate games and movies
WormyWyrm: if they didn't give it such a cool name
thelandofsiam: Yea, nobody would do it if it was called Illicit Data Transmition
WormyWyrm: noone would talk about it at all, too hard to spell
thelandofsiam: ARRR IM A SOFTWARE PIRATE
WormyWyrm: Gimmie yer booty and new versions of half life
thelandofsiam: I must restart my ship
#506323 +(-477)- [X]
<[omni]> wtf... it took you like 15 seconds to show us a picture of your hymen, but I have to wait hours to see a pictures of the pussy I'm actually interested in?
#506600 +(733)- [X]
chaseaskew9642: I'm going to get a restaurant to compete with crackerbarrell and I will call it niggerbucket.
#506989 +(2)- [X]
<Varrus> sloppy seconds :(
<pushplay> sloppy seconds
<Varrus> you cant jinx, you got pwned
* pushplay punches Varrus in the penis
<SandCannon> youd have to kick his girlfriend in the purse for him to feel it.
#507011 +(1830)- [X]
<Ashryd> Prepare for the new revolution in freeing space on your hard drive, waste no more
time on searching through old files to delete, simply leave it up to DaveBot!
<Methuen> New program aye?
<Ashryd> Doesn't work quite right yet though...
<Ashryd> Does something a little more interesting at the moment...
<Ashryd> It spends 12 hours searching through your folders and files finding and sorting
them into things that must be deleted, could be deleted and mustn't be deleted, compiles the
information into a database, deems the database an item that must be deleted then erases
your whole hard drive.
#507131 +(3659)- [X]
* Kederaji is now officially offended by the Red Cross.
<FraX> How much blood did they want today?
<Kederaji> Well, you know that questionnaire they ask you before they poke you with the needle?
<Kederaji> Well, the guy took a look at me and started marking all the sex related questions as "No".
<Kederaji> Didn't even bother to ask me, just marked them "No."
<Kederaji> The bastard.
<FraX> Was he right?
<Kederaji> He was, but that's not the point!
#507269 +(7215)- [X]
<acidwar> last night, tony and I decided to stop off on the way to the party to get some beer
<acidwar> we come out of the shop a few minutes later and there's a parking guy writing a ticket
<acidwar> tony goes up to him and asks him what the ticket's for, parking guy explains that the car is parked in a no standing zone
<acidwar> tony starts abusing him and tells him to cram it up his ass, so the guy writes a ticket for abusing him
<acidwar> so tony gets up him even more, and every time he says something the guy writes another ticket
<acidwar> 14 tickets later, the guy gives up and walks off
<acidwar> and we both PISS ourselves laughing as we walk back to tony's car around the corner, leaving some poor bastard with 14 parking fines :D
#507298 +(-121)- [X]
<+digital-lemon> im gonna invent a tv that blocks out commercials and put dancing stick figures with smilie faces on instead
<+digital-lemon> ill call it STV
<+digital-lemon> pronounced stevie
<+digital-lemon> stick telivision
<+digital-lemon> i'll be filthy rich
#507309 +(1434)- [X]
<Matt> Hey, I just realized...
<Matt> While encountered together in captivity, in the wild, the stapler and the staple remover are natural enemies.
#507722 +(3435)- [X]
EvilEye:i just found out that i have competition for student government president
EvilEye:so heres my campaign slogan: "I have a vision"
#508163 +(1503)- [X]
Zipalooie: i'd rather walk home from boston on train tracks drunk
Zipalooie: and blindfolded
Zipalooie: with headphones on blasting slayer at full volume
Zipalooie: than get in a car with your sister again
#508598 +(2442)- [X]
<nJess> God that stings like a motherfuck
<nJess> I just picked up my airsoft
*** Kederaji has joined channel #C&T
<nJess> And it discharged, into my face.
<nJess> At a range of about a foot and a half.
<Kederaji> I always walk in at bad times.
#509133 +(503)- [X]
<TheWizrd> i wrote my paper ... its 2 pages ..... min length = 5 pages
<TheWizrd> wtf ?
<nerdcore> add 3 pages of "um" and "er"
<nerdcore> "And so we, um, see that, um, um, Shakespeare was trying to, er, say that, um..."
<nerdcore> "And then that one guy--what's-his-name--picked up the, oh yeah! It was Laertes! He picked up the, um, that thing that you use when you want to stab somebody--a sword! Yeah. That's it."
<nerdcore> easy +3 pages.
#509376 +(2045)- [X]
<CardiacVio> Dude, are you skipping homeschool again?
<Metatag> Yep, I'm in the computer lab at the high school.
#509504 +(2246)- [X]
<TLF> im calling u out hustlah
<TLF> bring it
<MegaSmokeX> Why, bitch?
<TLF> first person to hack the other person wins
<TLF> lets see your 1337 skillz bitch hahaha
*** Signoff: TLF (Connection reset by peer)
<Ginnsu> Goddamn O_O
<MegaSmokeX> I think thats the luckiest Ive ever been in my life...