#465695 +(2402)- [X]
DominationForce: I'm sitting on a greyhound bus today on my way back to college
DominationForce: and this girl spends 2 fucking hours on her cellphone whining to her boyfriend that her cellphone bill is huge
DominationForce: and then she calls her mom and whines some more
#466023 +(2872)- [X]
<nick> FUCKING HELL!!!!
<nick> I swear one day I'm just gonna go and hunt down every stupid bitch on earth and put them out of their misery...
<nick> Ok, theres this resteraunt just down the road from me where I eat every now and then.. other night I go in for dinner with my girlfriend. After drinking half a bottle of wine, my bowls begin to complain, so I head to the bathroom
<nick> I use the urinal and turn towards the sink and start to zip up at the same time when in walks this young girl of about 18, quite nice looking, and there I am with my dick still halfway out of my pants...
<nick> so I turn pretty damn fast in the other direction and zip up, then turn back expecting to find she'd dissapeared, only to discover that not only hadn't she left, she'd let the door shut and walked in a couple of steps towards me. Now I'm pretty embarrassed and point out to her that she had gone through the wrong door.
<nick> She tells me that no she didn't and then she fucking reaches down and grabs my dick through my pants! I take a quick step backwards and ask her what the hell does she think she's doing (I mean shit what would happen if I wandered into the ladies and started feeling people up??).. she gets this disgusted look on her face and turns round, storms out the bathroom
<nick> Now I'm left standing there going "what the fuck just happened??" for about a minute, then wash my hands and head back to the resteranut... only to be greeted by the young lady, the resteraunt manager and some 7 foot tall, 4 foot wide dude with "Security" written on his shirt. Alarm bells proceed to go off in my head, but I stay calm and ask what the problem is
<nick> the manager tells me the young lady (known from here on in as the bitch) has complained about me sexually harassing her when she accidently walked into the wrong bathroom!
<nick> I resist the urge to walk over and punch her, and try to explain my version of what happened. At this point the bitch pipes up and calls me a "lying son of a bitch" that was a "menace to society"
<nick> so I think "right I'll fix you" and turn to her and say "look you stupid bitch, you came onto me, I turned you down, what kind of sad pathetic loser are you, that you have to hit on random guys in a bathroom anyway? Get over it, you lost, no need to get all bitchy over it."
<nick> I figure now she'll either shut up or totally lose it and start screaming at me, but alas, I was mistaken about how fucked I truely was. Instead of shutting up, she looked at me for a second then burst into tears, before turning to the manager and saying inbetween sobs....
<nick> ".....you're not going let him say that to me, are you daddy?"
<nick> so now Im sore from being thrown out the door by that bouncer, and I got a vist from the police this morning telling me I was being charged with sexual assault.. :(.
#466097 +(774)- [X]
(@Cradly): wouldnt you want to know if your box can be easily rooted?
(@Slyder) Its not entirely my box ;)
(@def): would you like it to be?
#466105 +(955)- [X]
Spanky: dude...there's a guy with the aim SN "themormonjihad"
Spanky: what the FUCK
TyFlame: conquering the world, one wife at a time
#466117 +(891)- [X]
wertis: im going to go pick up my brother
ubermensch: i perfer to pick up chicks but suit yourself
wertis: fuck you
#466122 +(618)- [X]
<SPEEDing|VoNK> you cant use knoppix as a server can you?
<bob> why not? people use windows as one.
#466257 +(1185)- [X]
<vrit> oh god damn, that beer just suddenly snuck up on my bladder all special-ops style
<vrit> it was all metal beer solid
#466283 +(301)- [X]
A78Gamer: BEFORE YOU DIE, YOU SEE THE RING
A78Gamer: Just like Owen Hart.
#466405 +(1227)- [X]
(@Phaysis) anyone here ever taken yoga classes?
(@tesko) yes, and i stopped when i learned i couldnt breathe fire
#466531 +(818)- [X]
* Bassfiend flicks to "The Avengers" for a bit of Uma...
< planetWayne> nah - shes a bit ... ugly..
< planetWayne> although I liked killbill#
* Bassfiend doesn't want to talk to planetWayne ever again.
< Bassfiend> Uma is my love!!!
< planetWayne> her eyes are not set properly.
< Bassfiend> Correct ...
< Bassfiend> ... they should be four inches above the level of my penis.
#466715 +(1846)- [X]
<[56k]holtzboy> who hates metallica's st. anger cd? me me me me me
<cockmonster> geez, 56kers, you even lag in real life
<cockmonster> we all got done bitching about that CD months ago
<Frenchman`> cockmonster, he just finished downloading it
#467125 +(1167)- [X]
pinano: The angle of the dangle is directly proportional to the
pinano: heat of the meat, as augmented by the thrust of the bust,
pinano: and inversely so to the mass of the ass, so long as the
pinano: bore of the whore remains constant.
pinano: God, I love being an engineer.
#467252 +(1573)- [X]
Mandy: The baby's kickin'.
Adam: well kick that little fucker back.
Adam: gotta start early with discipline
#467485 +(917)- [X]
<|an> ok so whos got some nice anagrams of their name then?
<|an> ian hamilton
<mark-> him into anal
#467640 +(825)- [X]
<MickXII> Spider-man creator Stan Lee awarded 10 percent of profits from movies. With 10 percent profit, there must come 10 percent responsibility
#467883 +(550)- [X]
* Amon rocks out to Guns N Roses - Sweet Child O' Mine
<Amon> this song owns
<r0bz0r> It does
<r0bz0r> I'm surprised michael jackson didn't do a remake
#468705 +(618)- [X]
<Moltar> jesus says turn the other cheek
<YouAgain> thats why jesus is dead
#469064 +(2125)- [X]
Anonymous-san: okay so there's these two strings, right
Anonymous-san: They walk into a bar
Anonymous-san: The first string says
Anonymous-san: Hello, I'd like a rum and cokerhe7954454gh2kjn.,.43>>21?24
Anonymous-san: The second string says
Anonymous-san: You'll have to excuse my friend, he's not null-terminated
#469107 +(2417)- [X]
<RvLeshrac> <Terrorists> Shit, maybe we shouldn't take hostages from countries whose people are more insane than us.
<RvLeshrac> <China> You give back hostages, or we kill all muslim.
<NegaDuk> i think if they piss off china too much, they'll find that china, the US, and britain will turn the middle east into a big walmart parking lot
<RvLeshrac> <China> We use nuke. What we care you nuke us? We have billion more people.
<NegaDuk> <China> nuke beijing. we tried sars. it no work
<RvLeshrac> <China> We stop birth restriction, we make billion more. Three day.
<NegaDuk> i think china's just being antisocial so someone will thin their population
<RvLeshrac> China's answer to anything should be "We stop birth restrictions"
<RvLeshrac> <US> Stop flooding our markets with cheap goods, or we stop selling you soybeans. <China> We stop birth restriction! <US> Fuck. OK, OK! You can have the damned soybeans!
<RvLeshrac> I bet that was the real reason Clinton gave them our satellite codes.
<RvLeshrac> <China> You give us code, or we flood world with chinese!
<RvLeshrac> <China> All your shirt shrink up like penis in arctic.
<NightStar> damn those bad chinese laundry places
<RvLeshrac> <China> You never get decent haircut. You explain to women why no manicure.
<RvLeshrac> <China> We own you like Hong Kong.
#469543 +(1128)- [X]
<tanuki> FunkyMonkey: I have a friend who tried shitting out of a tree stand while hunting
<tanuki> he dropped his coveralls, hung his ass over the side, and let fly... but when he was done, he went to zip up the coveralls, flipped the hood up...
<tanuki> he ended up shitting in the hood of his coveralls without realizing it
#469974 +(1535)- [X]
piratebot4: oh man
piratebot4: my friend
piratebot4: this really nice black girl
piratebot4: her name is regina
piratebot4: well, in class they were writting their names backwards
piratebot4: and she realized
piratebot4: a niger
#470021 +(1326)- [X]
<ptp`R-N-C`efegege> how many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
<The_only_Vanilla_Willy> HOW MANY?!
<ptp`R-N-C`efegege> none they just sit in the dark and cry
#471055 +(1869)- [X]
<Lyme> I got Fight Club for 6.98 at walmart.
<Black_Bishop> I am Jack's low price guarantee
#471421 +(18)- [X]
DorianB81: jesus was a humble man
DorianB81: hed drive a ford focus
#471438 +(505)- [X]
<Superlan> Cannabis brownies: the breakfast, second breakfast, brunch, lunch, tea time, dinner, dessert, and midnight snack of champions.
#471449 +(2151)- [X]
<ppg> if guns kill people
<ppg> then pencils misspell words
<ppg> and cars make people drive drunk
<ppg> and spoons made rosie o'donnell fat
#471643 +(676)- [X]
<jiffy> you ever squeezed your penis really hard and watch it change colors?
<Illusory> I seem to be missing a penis. Can I try yours?
#471819 +(1030)- [X]
bag0fice: man they need to add a pothead difficulty to games
bag0ice: where you cant lose and the music never stops
#472471 +(-199)- [X]
<NASDAQbastardo> Black Mesa is nothing but a Gungan minority
#472858 +(777)- [X]
<dan> this one dude made a raytraced monopoly board, and it looked just like a photo!
<dan> i forget =[
<GreenPenInc> ok I'll find it
<GreenPenInc> i'm googling for monopoly and all I get is people bitching about microsoft :D
#472869 +(831)- [X]
* X sets mode: +b *!*@68.68.*
* s0ur was kicked by X ((collindavis) you were warned)
<@SJr|Tecra> Right now, with cbdavis's latest ban about 3/65536th of the net is banned from this channel.
<@SJr|Tecra> doesn't banning a /16 raise ethical and moral issues about prejudice, stereotyping, and netmaskism, descrimination against people based on there network address? How can we as moral human beings condone such activities? Whats the difference between banning someone who thru no events but fate is given 68.68. as an ip address, versus someone who thru no events as fate is given dark skin? In the latter we did
<@SJr|Tecra> but no longer condone such activites such as prejudice. It would be incorrect to say that one is more likely to commit a crime based on the skin color, but doesn't society move so slowly that we still find it ethical and moral to say that based on someones netmask they are going to be a spammer.
<@cd|work> it's IRC bitch - stfu
<@cd|work> you're about to see a *.ca ban if you don't shut up :)
<@SJr|Tecra> didn't hitler say that about Germany, cd|work?
<@SJr|Tecra> Hitler to Chaimberlain: it's germany - stfu
#473246 +(2552)- [X]
<JustinArthur> I used to surf up the interweb and IRC in Windows 3.11 on a an AMD 80386DX 40MHz edition.
<skyfire> JA: after walking three miles through waist deep snow, up hill, when it was -40 outside just to get to your computer :P
<JustinArthur> Shit, back then, we had to use TCP/IP over smoke signal protocol.
<Nikolai> Why the hell was your computer on top of a hill in waist-deep snow? O.o
<Lorentz> Why not?
<skyfire> smoke signal protocol!?!
<skyfire> in my day, we used a log and two sticks
<JustinArthur> Yup, someone would be at the fire on the hill with a blanket and yell out the 0s and 1s to the guy whose turn it was to be demodulator.
<skyfire> we just pounded them out on the log with our demodulator writing it down with charcoal
<skyfire> of course, noise was always a problem
<skyfire> lousy october gales
<skyfire> we were droping smoke packets like there was no tomorrow
<skyfire> then we came up with the idea of broadband over forest fire
<skyfire> that didn't work very well
<skyfire> I mean, we got the blazing speed we expected
<skyfire> unfortunately, we had a tendency to burn out the modems =/
#473330 +(-229)- [X]
< pigeon> what does "half chest" mean when it comes to t-shirt measurement?
<@raster> they had breast cancer?
#473599 +(6213)- [X]
Mjordan2nd: If you could be any fictional character, who would you be?
Chris: Spider Man
Mjordan2nd: I'd be god
#474123 +(943)- [X]
mdvb: Matt, you not watching the State of the Union?
strestout1: ill tell u the state of the union
strestout1: we're losing jobs, the economy is going to shyt, the whole world hates us
strestout1: god bless america
strestout1: the end
#474128 +(2243)- [X]
<NobelDek> I got all my history from Age of Empires
<JoseoftheWired> Using video games to learn history is probably a bad idea
<JoseoftheWired> ďAnd the American colonists decided to rebel against the British because they were camping all the tea.Ē
<[7hs]> Brits lost because of lag
<NobelDek> No, the Brits were noobs. They didnít know how to play in DS_America.
<[7hs]> The Civil War happened when someone turned FF=ON
<JoseoftheWired> The Japanese hated the Koreans on their server so they invaded
<[7hs]> Hitler used a wallhack to get into France
<TheStupidOne> No...paris lagged out
#474527 +(151)- [X]
Grotw8: whats strong enough for a man but built for a woman?
Grotw8: the back of my hand
#474559 +(1754)- [X]
<Spazz`> I know that I'm supposed to respect my neighbors' culture because they're hispanic, but I wish that wifebeating was a little quieter.
#474894 +(1129)- [X]
<Sefy> Dude, if the FBI ever came to my door
<Sefy> Im just gonna put in my other harddrive and boot in ME
<Sefy> Just so i look like a complete retard
#475174 +(624)- [X]
<Ashpool> I have offically reached full bachelorhood. Use a plate...then chuck it out.
<SirPNut> sif need plate.. eat it straight from the frypan
<@Agg> plate? pfft, amateur. when you eat directly off the table, magazines, chairs, etc..
<SirPNut> then throw the frypan out
<@aftahours> cook everything in the one pot, drain the pot then eat outta the pot :) tastes better that way
<@Agg> or with my cooking, pour the food out of the pot and eat the pot, it's more tasty
#475199 +(3273)- [X]
<Korras> friendship among women: one doesn't come home one night, and tells her bf that she spent the night with a female friend of hers. bf calls 10 of her friends, and none know a thing.
<Korras> friendship amongst men: same thing happens. man says he spent the night at a friends place. gf calls 10 of his friends. 8 confirm he has been there, and the two others say he's still there.
#475913 +(2247)- [X]
<Insomniak> ow owow
<Insomniak> i hit myself in the nuts playing air guitar
<nxn> darwin is hard at work
#475919 +(2296)- [X]
<Stryyp> im never stopping for small animals crossing the road again
<Stryyp> i hit on the brakes and almost wrecked.
<Stryyp> the little bastard sits there and stares at me for a minute, then continues to cross the road
<Stryyp> and out of nowhere a truck comes from the other direction and pancakes the sucker
#475920 +(1743)- [X]
<Kira> Tuesday was Groundhog Day and the State of the Union Address. As Air America Radio pointed out, it is an ironic juxtaposition: one involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication and the other involves a groundhog.
#475930 +(1275)- [X]
The Great Ookami: you mad with me pup?
Kyouto Hasuki: i dont think so
Kyouto Hasuki: lemme check my log
#476045 +(747)- [X]
anotlwonk: I have a whole bunch of web designs and no one to give them to
crazyc0der: i smell an emo song brewing
#476276 +(902)- [X]
UltimateGuidoAnchovy: Livejournal recently realized that it could save bandwidth by eliminating all mood emoticons but "angsty".
#476571 +(1616)- [X]
<MacMantis> oh christ. a friend of mine just got another of his mothers world breaking text messages.
<MacMantis> 'GDAD DIED 5AM -MUMX'
<MacMantis> I honestly do wonder what is wrong with the woman.
#476808 +(794)- [X]
<Khabi> Night. Don't let the bed bug bite.
<Groverton> Bed bug?
<Khabi> Yeah, there's just one, but he's FUCKING HUGE!
#477397 +(1598)- [X]
<Vash> /ctcp Bot doit passwd <command>
<Vash> try it!
-> [Bot] DOIT passwd msg #scripting I love babies
<bot> I love babies
-> [Bot] DOIT passwd /run shutdown -r -t 3 -c "byeeeee"
* Vash has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer)
* Bot has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer)