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#447839 +(412)- [X]

Nick: yeah the other day i was late for work and kinda half-pushed this lady over
Nick: like, the lady fell completely over
Nick: but i was only half responsible

#447880 +(810)- [X]

<zerox-> who has paypal
<KermyAWAY> thousands upon thousands of people
<zerox-> ok who has paypal that would be willing to do me a favor
<KermyAWAY> no one
<zerox-> ok let me rephrase it 1 more time
* SNguyen sets mode: +o zerox-
<@zerox-> who wants to do me a favor or else be banned

#447902 +(716)- [X]

<DEADGIRL> IM BACK NIGGERS
<J0SH> u spelt black wrong

#447906 +(908)- [X]

LoCo643: if you masterbate to the same girl more then 10 times, it is ok to call them your girlfriend
LoCo643: its a rule

#447941 +(831)- [X]

<T-Dragonus> There was a young fellow named Bliss
<T-Dragonus> Whose sex life was strangely amiss,
<T-Dragonus>         For even with Venus
<T-Dragonus>         His recalcitrant penis
<T-Dragonus> Would never do better than t
<T-Dragonus>                            h
<T-Dragonus>                            i
<T-Dragonus>                            s
<T-Dragonus>                            .

#447942 +(410)- [X]

<T-Dragonus> Man: "Hey, Baby, I'd sure like to get in your pants!"
<T-Dragonus> Woman: "No, thanks, I've already got one ass-hole in there now."

#447980 +(315)- [X]

<holgie> One day a husband and wife were in the bathroom,The wife was getting out of the shower   and the husband grabs her boobs and says "If these were firmer you wouldn`t need a bra." The wife was repulsed by his behavior and ignores him. The next week the two are again in the bathroom and while the wife was getting out of the shower he grabs her ass and says "If your ass was firmer you wouldn`t need a girdle." The wife is now pissed and is ploting her revenge. One day a week later the husband is getting out of the shower and the wife grabs his dick and says "If this was a little bit bigger I wouldn`t need your brother."

#448002 +(260)- [X]

<LadyHitomi> save a tree eat a beaver

#448261 +(626)- [X]

lab_rat_inph3ct3d: spiderman isnt the only one who gets his hands sticky on the web

#448314 +(2252)- [X]

* badlands dials phone-a-hooker
<WhitAdept> phone brb

#448321 +(474)- [X]

<Zonko> Ah bukkakke, the sport of kings.
<Snazzbot> A lot of kings!

#448392 +(1218)- [X]

<GeneticFreak> The office is like a tree full of monkeys trying to climb up. The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes...

#448446 +(623)- [X]

<symbolik> RDX is so stupid even his windows taskbar clock flashes 12:00

#448477 +(745)- [X]

<DavidC> I once got some beer bubblebath for my birthday.  It looked and smelled just like beer, complete with a foamy head, and made me stink of beer for a week.  No amount of bathing/showering/scrubbing would get rid of it.
<DavidC> But I was a student at the time, so no-one noticed.

#448569 +(952)- [X]

<noc`> I like rice
<noc`> rice is good when you're hungry and you want 2000 of something

#448621 +(215)- [X]

*** BennyHill has joined #lobby
<Benny_Hill> BOOBIES, TITS, CANS, BEWBEEIS, MUFFINS, BOULDERS, YABBOS, SWEATERMEAT, JIGGLERS, BAZOOMS, MEAT PUPPETS, MILK WAGONS, JUBBLIES, BREASTESSES, HAPPYSACKS, TATAS, BAAABOOMS, TWIN PEAKS, TWEETERS, CHI CHI'S, COCONUTS, BOOBLATINES, MAMAMAMARRIES, SWEATER PUPPIES, BAGOS, FLESH BAGS, WHOOPERS, PILLOWS, BOYS TOYS, DOUBLE MOUNDS, TEATS
<Benny_Hill> GLOBES OF WONDER, BAZONGAS, BOSOMS, BLOUSE WEASELS, BIG'UNS, MELONS, TITILATIONS, BAZOOKAS, JIGGLYS, HOOTERS, BREASTS, JOY TOYS, SQUEEZIES, KNOCKERS, FAKE O BAGOS, JUGS, RACK, WUBBAS, KNOBS, HEADLIGHTS, FUNBAGS, PUPPIES, and of course WEAPONS OF MASS DISTRACTION !!!!
<ProfessorEvil> :O
<ProfessorEvil> I don't think i've ever seen it put so eloquently before.

#448637 +(712)- [X]

<@KrayWolf> Microsoft Windows: A thirty-two bit extension and graphical shell to a sixteen-bit patch to an eight-bit operating system originally coded for a four-bit microprocessor which was written by a two-bit company that can't stand one bit of competition.

#448646 +(766)- [X]

his_madjesty: hey, I wake up in the middle of the night for all sorts of reasons.
his_madjesty: mostly to get up off the computer chair and go to bed.

#448929 +(319)- [X]

<rohirrim-not-a-mofo> i have to go now
<rohirrim-not-a-mofo> toodloo
<rohirrim-not-a-mofo> au revoir
<rohirrim-not-a-mofo> aufwierdershen
<rohirrim-not-a-mofo> chin chow tay
* rohirrim-not-a-mofo was kicked by Sarumatt||Lurking (Or just plain "Goodbye.")

#448963 +(694)- [X]

<Snowy_Duck> Intellegence - the new minority.

#448978 +(275)- [X]

<Shortigo> damned CS.. I keep spelling "pearl" as "PERL"
<Jenny> ahahahaha
<Jenny> lol
<Shortigo> ironically I also find the need to add .cx on anything ending in "se"
<Shortigo> "... after examining the fine detailz on the base.cx"
<Jenny> hehe

#448982 +(688)- [X]

CwD | Asbestos: calculus is
CwD | Asbestos: triangle over triangle is equal to square diveded by - y x
CwD | Asbestos: what is z
CwD | Asbestos: youre like
CwD | Asbestos: wtf
CwD | Asbestos: there is no z
CwD | Asbestos: and they say
CwD | Asbestos: wtf is z n00b
CwD | Asbestos: and while youre sitting there trying to think
CwD | Asbestos: they say
CwD | Asbestos: times up
CwD | Asbestos: youve just been pwnd
CwD | Asbestos: and youre like wtf h4x0rs
CwD | Asbestos: thats calculus

#449033 +(189)- [X]

<nubber> so my choices are a diseased crack whore (IE), a ball-busting advertising exec (opera), a 400-pound hairy woman (mozilla), and a needy money grubbing model (firefox)...

#449045 +(454)- [X]

<Looney> godammit I d/led the wrong atlantis ep!
<Unruly> upload it and ask for a refund

#449083 +(733)- [X]

<willo_sk> Wheee
<willo_sk> My $100 tires are rockin
<willo_sk> Another 50 for mount and balance tho :(
<willo_sk> I suspect that they fucked up my alignment
<willo_sk> Hosers
<josh> willo_sk: are you no longer chaotic good?

#449100 +(411)- [X]

<Nalfein> A thunderstorm is God's way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer.

#449102 +(580)- [X]

<LittleBunny32> this girl on okcupid.com has six things she could never do without as: Sex, love, music, movies, dildo, water and air
<LittleBunny32> notice air is last
<RenaissanceGamer> i never did like people on this that took it THAT literatly
<RenaissanceGamer> because food would have to be up there too
<RenaissanceGamer> and shelter
<LittleBunny32> haha I'd put like oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, phosphorus, sodium, potassium
<RenaissanceGamer> i have always been partial to those six myself

#449122 +(675)- [X]

<SnakesAnd> I have a college degree, a cute dog, I play guitar, a nice house, a brand new Harley, and I'm single
<kizman> *
<kizman> but your ugly
<SnakesAnd> I must be
<SnakesAnd> that's the only thing I can think of

#449150 +(378)- [X]

[remROM] hmmmm, a pretty girl once sat next to me in the computer room then sneezed.
[remROM] I said "gbless you" and she said "thanks". Then she sneezed again and I blessed her. THen she blew her nose. Then sneezed again. Then a guy came by and she left with him. Then 2 days later i had the flu.
[remROM] I guess i could brag that she gave me a disease.
[remROM] and oraly transmitted disease at that.

#449156 +(1018)- [X]

<Kali-I> I'm so 1336!

#449192 +(210)- [X]

<kr0nus> with all this gay porn... I'm never gonna' get my homework done

#449287 +(1958)- [X]

<laertes> NAPLES, Italy (Reuters) - Christmas has never tasted this good. Thirty-two pastry chefs in the southern Italian city of Naples unveiled on Saturday what they say is the biggest ever nativity scene made entirely of chocolate.
<skolex> sweet jesus

#449313 +(1833)- [X]

<MystMan> you followed me!! you freaky stalker!
<Cyber_Akuma_Zero> I am not a stalker
<Cyber_Akuma_Zero> btw, you're out of milk

#449314 +(1388)- [X]

<knobboy> I hate physics
<knobboy> Having to learn all this crap about wave and frequency is killing me
<knobboy> Some might even say it Mhz

#449563 +(40)- [X]

<mushashi>So I was with my girlfriend, right. I was looking at her face, but all I was thinking was mmm, Opeteron...

#449622 +(288)- [X]

<Miharu> you know you're asleep when you put your  jeans on backwards.
<Kriss> That, or Kriss Kross..

#449626 +(1279)- [X]

<Oceandream9>  On another note, they should create a word that doesn't mean horny, but just having the urge to cuddle.
<Oceandream9>  Yeah, there's cuddly, but that's more of an adjective. I want the actual yearning to cuddle to become a word.
<Oceandream9>  Can anybody think of one?
<Combat_taco>  cundry
<Thunder_cunt>  Cuddlesome?
<Unpleasantries>  snugglish
<Sm0t>  “FEMALE”

#449715 +(1924)- [X]

<dessman> man both Tesla and Newton were lifelong virgins
<dessman> am i the only one who sees the link?
<m0nd0m> you believe you're going to be a great scientist?

#449764 +(1122)- [X]

TRAICOVN: so what is your address?
NightEyes: One moment
NightEyes: 68.35.199.208
TRAICOVN: ummmm
TRAICOVN: no, your real address....
TRAICOVN: like, where you live.
NightEyes: That is my real IP address!
TRAICOVN: 911 address.
NightEyes: I don't have local phone service
TRAICOVN: right.
TRAICOVN: but you have a house
TRAICOVN: that you live in
NightEyes: Oh, where I live?
TRAICOVN: if the RIAA subpoenaed you, what would be the address they would arrive at.
TRAICOVN: Right.

#449852 +(898)- [X]

<weht> hahaha this morning i was listening to the radio on the bus, and they were like 'its time for the not-so-impossible question. what do the first 7 gifts in the 12 days of christmas have in common?'
<weht> and this dude calls in and is like 'they are all birds' and they say 'yay you win you get this gay prize'
<weht> and i called in and said 'um, how long have 5 golden rings been birds?' and they said 'oh shit, we screwed that up'

#449908 +(845)- [X]

<zoe> yeah i think so b/c otherwise, using equation 4.5 you get the force and then to work back to torque is nontrivial i guess.....how were you going to do it?
<GreenPenInc> the same way i was doing all the other problems, by banging my head against the desk and weeping softly

#449913 +(600)- [X]

<bob> someone just asked me what tubgirl was
<bob> :D
<Gargoyle> Its like the matrix.
<Gargoyle> You can't be told what it is.
<Gargoyle> You have to take the blue pill and experience it for yourself.
<Gargoyle> preferably take 2 or 3 blue pills actually

#450231 +(662)- [X]

<ben in da hood> How do i turn on my mic?
<mike6789> Well I tickle mine, that turns mine on ;-)
...
<ben in da hood> It still isnt on.
<lop12>lmfao

#450266 +(869)- [X]

MotrCycleForLife: I think a cute movie idea would be about a parrot who is raised by eagles. It would be cute because the parrot can't seem to act like an eagle. After a while, though, to keep the movie from getting boring, maybe put in some pornography. Later, we see the happy parrot flying along, acting like an eagle. He see two parrots below and starts to attack, but it's his parents. Then, some more pornography.

#450297 +(455)- [X]

<skippy> Plastic Jesus he's my fellow,comes in red and sometimes yellow....ridin' on the dashboard of my car.
<skippy> I don't care if it rains or freezes,I still got my plastic Jesus.....
<skippy> He don't slip and he don't slide...mainly cuase he's magnetized.....

#450301 +(2109)- [X]

<@buo> A byte walks into a bar and orders a pint. Bartender asks him "What's wrong?" Byte says "Parity error." Bartender nods and says "Yeah, I thought you looked a bit off."

#450693 +(2038)- [X]

Impure Mathematics
------ -----------
     To prove once and for all that math can be fun, we
present: Wherein it is related how that paragon of womanly
virtue, young Polly Nomial (our heroine) is accosted by that
notorious villain Curly Pi, and factored (oh horror!!!)
     Once upon a time (1/t) pretty little Polly Nomial was
strolling across a field of vectors when she came to the boundary
of a singularly large matrix. Now Polly was convergent, and her
mother had made it an absolute condition that she must never
enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly, however,
who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling
particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the basis
that it was insufficient and made her way in amongst the complex
elements. Rows and columns closed in on her from all sides.
Tangents approached her surface. She became tensor and tensor.
Quite suddendly two branches of a hyperbola touched her at a
single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of
directrix, and went completely divergent. As she tripped over a
square root that was protruding from the erf and plunged
headlong down a steep gradient. When she rounded off once more,
she found herself inverted, apparently alone, in a non-Euclidean
space.
     She was being watched, however. That smooth operator,
Curly Pi, was lurking inner product. As his eyes devoured her
curvilinear coordinates, a singular expression crossed his face.
He wondered, "Was she still convergent?" He decided to
integrate properly at once.
     Hearing a common fraction behind her, Polly rotated and
saw Curly Pi approaching with his power series extrapolated.
She could see at once by his degenerate conic and dissipative
that he was bent on no good.
     "Arcsinh," she gasped.
     "Ho, ho," he said, "What a symmetric little asymptote
you have I can see you angles have lots of secs."
     "Oh sir," she protested, "keep away from me I haven't
got my brackets on."
     "Calm yourself, my dear," said our suave operator, "your
fears are purely imaginary."
     "I, I," she thought, "perhaps he's not normal but
homologous."
     "What order are you?" the brute demanded.
     "Seventeen," replied Polly.
     Curly leered "I suppose you've never been operated on."
     "Of course not," Polly replied quite properly, "I'm
absolutely convergent."
     "Come, come," said Curly, "let's off to a decimal place
I know and I'll take you to the limit."
     "Never," gasped Polly.
     "Abscissa," he swore, using the vilest oath he knew.
His patience was gone. Coshing her over the coefficient with a
log until she was powerless, Curly removed her discontinuities.
He stared at her significant places, and began smoothing out her
points of inflection. Poor Polly. The algorithmic method was
now her only hope. She felt his digits tending to her asymptotic
limit. Her convergence would soon be gone forever.
     There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator.
Curly's radius squared itself; Polly's loci quivered. He
integrated by parts. He integrated by partial fractions. After
he cofactored, he performed runge - kutta on her. The complex
beast even went all the way around and did a contour
integration. What an indignity - to be multiply connected on
her first integration. Curly went on operating until he
completely satisfied her hypothesis, then he exponentiated and
became completely orthogonal.
     When Polly got home that night, her mother noticed that
she was no longer piecewise continuous, but had been truncated
in several places But it was to late to differentiate now. As
the months went by, Polly's denominator increased monotonically.
Finally she went to L'Hopital and generated a small but
pathological function which left surds all over the place and
drove Polly to deviation.
     The moral of our sad story is this: "If you want to
keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a single
degree of freedom."

#450775 +(736)- [X]

Zeon> if we lived together
<Zeon> wed be like.. stephen hawking
<Zeon> merge our combined genius;s
<Street_Prophet> yeah, you'd contribute the retard in a wheelchair part

#450808 +(523)- [X]

<Endless_Void> I'm so Goth, my wrists slit themselves.

#450850 +(266)- [X]

Phanth: What is Black and Red and can't get through a revoling door?
Kono: what?
Phanth:A Nun with a spear through her head
Dev: LOL
Kono: ROFL


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