#417081 +(715)- [X]
mojo: oh my god that was the greatest ever
mojo: UPS guy was at my door delivering some stuff to me
mojo: and this guy from across the street was on the sidewalk talking to him about a cell phone delivery or some nonsense
mojo: and the UPS guy says "crazy foreigner from across the street keeps bothering me, i don't even think he has a house"
mojo: "he probably drives a taxi because he can't get a real job"
mojo: and i smiled at him and said "yea. nothing at all like driving a UPS truck." *SLAM*
#417089 +(325)- [X]
<blanco> chicks dig ignorance
<blanco> but only as long as do it with an accent
#417106 +(792)- [X]
<janelle> i hate guys
<PacerX> hey, people can piss me off too, but i don't write off their whole gnder
<PacerX> that would make me a feminist
#417107 +(3071)- [X]
<PacerX> i made a kid stop crying today
<bemyfreak> awww, how sweet
<PacerX> i knocked him unconcious
#417139 +(1427)- [X]
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<snoldak> im so lonely
#417147 +(620)- [X]
<doom-> i never seen a canadian battleship
<[C1RCA]> cuz we STEALTH NUGGA!'
#417153 +(109)- [X]
(Deranged): I wanna get a job in a candy store putting fudge into boxes.
(Deranged): That way, when people ask what I do for a living, I can say I'm a fudge packer.
#417254 +(323)- [X]
<Mark_Ryan> those of you using mIRC, for a neat trick, hold down shift and click the "#wikipedia" button up the top
<Slowking_Man> I'm betting that closes it.
<Mark_Ryan> nah it does a 3D animation
* Parts: neilc (~email@example.com)
* Parts: squash- (~firstname.lastname@example.org) ("Leaving")
* Joins: squash- (~email@example.com)
<squash-> it works on xchat too
#417265 +(307)- [X]
<Dave_A> Raping Secial Ed Kids is Fucking Retarded.
#417362 +(321)- [X]
<Deepsy`SilentHill4> my ex came with BitchX internally intergrated.
#417967 +(491)- [X]
<@asym> I bet rob zombie would win the election if he came on TV and said "elect me or I will open the gates of hell."
#418422 +(1644)- [X]
<AnGeLcAkE-14fFA>ok, i move close to u
<AnGeLcAkE-14fFA>i start rubbin your chest and unbutton your pants
<shiroi>hmm? oh..er. Yea cool.
<AnGeLcAkE-14fFA>u suck at this
<shiroi>I suck? You're the one signing on to irc with your asl in your nick looking for a lovelife. You suck at life.
<shiroi> You're probably not even a girl.
AnGeLcAkE-14fFA has quit IRC. (Quit)
<shiroi>Damnit, I'll never get a net gf at this rate :(
#418770 +(-224)- [X]
MynameisTim: Oh my fucking god, I was just whacking off and I have these crazy lumps on my coozer I think they are warts, anyway I'm sitting there ALMOST at climax when BOOM! one pops and coats my face with pus
MynameisTim: so what are you guys up to?
#418773 +(190)- [X]
<sticker> Scientists have recently dicsovered that most women will, at some time in their life, contain small amounts of intelligent DNA.
<sticker> Unfortunately for a large majority of females, this is only a temporary state, as over 95% of them will SPIT IT OUT!!!
<MrSupreme> rofl, good one
<CouldItBe> lmao nice one sticker
#418790 +(1529)- [X]
<@drift_nax> i had 2 options
<@drift_nax> close the porn
<@drift_nax> or pull up my pants
#419629 +(598)- [X]
<@Kamui> whats a flamewar without music?
#419730 +(95)- [X]
<Cheese> I'm going to Visit Canada one day anyway :/
<microburn> Cheese, we'll go drinking.
<Cheese> microburn, not until I'm like 23/24 ;s
<Cheese> What would be funny is
<Cheese> if we all still talk
<microburn> Cheese, : That would be sad if stayed on IRC for 8 more years talking to you all.
* microburn commits suicide.
<microburn> I have 8.
<microburn> I'm 16.
<Cheese> microburn, I can't see a day when we still don't come on IRC
<Cheese> we might have graphics then
<muert0> yeah me dancin naked in a box to your left
* microburn quits IRC, now.
#419733 +(830)- [X]
Rain Complex: That was depressing Drew
Rain Complex: Please hold while I stab myself to death
BLUeTalon24: hurry back
Rain Complex: Okay, I'm back
Rain Complex: I went to Hell ):
BLUeTalon24: that musta sucked
Rain Complex: Thank you
Rain Complex: Yes
Rain Complex: Well I'm still there
Rain Complex: They have computers!
BLUeTalon24: they have AIM too?
Rain Complex: They're 133s running only WinNT and AOL
BLUeTalon24: with spyware galore
Rain Complex: And pop-up makers
Rain Complex: Bootlegged Britney Spears WMAs playing in fast forward 24/7
BLUeTalon24: haha WMA is evil
Rain Complex: Linux users are crying everywhere
Rain Complex: And all the Mac people jumped into the pit of fire and sulfur
Rain Complex: The keyboards are DVORAK
Rain Complex: They only have trackballs
Rain Complex: And tape-drives
Rain Complex: 4.25 floppy drives that don't work
BLUeTalon24: left handed single click dirty rolling ball mice with no scroll wheel.
Rain Complex: No scroll wheels for thousands of miles, my friend
#419746 +(33)- [X]
<worstazn> yo i need to find a new bitch..
<mejmanyme> k i have a plan
<mejmanyme> you running windows or linux?
<mejmanyme> k, hit start and then "run"
<mejmanyme> type in "cmd"
<mejmanyme> after commandprompt opens
<mejmanyme> type currentbitch /release
<mejmanyme> then currentbitch /renew
<mejmanyme> now type currentbitch /all and send the results
#419747 +(811)- [X]
cpufreak04: Fun fact.
cpufreak04: Take 'HAL' from 2001: A Space Odyssey
cpufreak04: And move every letter one letter forward (Y=Z, X=Y)
cpufreak04: What do you get?
#419832 +(2131)- [X]
<cbatoday> my friend walked in on me having sex on his bed last night
<Nemoso> was he pissed?
<cbatoday> well yea, it was with his girlfriend :
#419930 +(-843)- [X]
<Bilbo>: Pac Man time!
<Bilbo>: < ............. M
<Bilbo>: < ........ M
<Bilbo>: < . M
<Bilbo>: Oops. I died.
#420169 +(704)- [X]
<lh> oh shit
<lh> started pickin my nose
<lh> then realised i got like my webcam on to 7 ppl
#420181 +(2105)- [X]
<sic1> so you tried to go home
<sic1> and it wouldn't start?
<sp4nk> I wish I knew a thing or two about cars.
<sp4nk> I wonder if there's a troubleshooter online that's like Microsoft's thing.
<sp4nk> Problem: My car will not start.
<sp4nk> Suggestion: Have you tried turning the key?
<sp4nk> [ ] Yes, this solved the problem.
<sp4nk> [x] No, the car still will not start.
<sp4nk> This troubleshooter is unable to solve your problem.
#420275 +(1943)- [X]
<ColdRage687> do you like psychiatry
<Avs4Cup2K3> my mom's a psychiatrist
<ColdRage687> i dont
<ColdRage687> i used to think the brain was the most fascinating part of the body
<ColdRage687> but then i realized
<ColdRage687> look whats telling me that
#420391 +(1652)- [X]
<Cyb> heh this guy I knew in high school forgot to write an english paper until like the day before it was due and it was supposed to be a work of fiction a couple pages long
<Cyb> so he wrote down the half-life sp story
<Cyb> and stretched it out as much as he could
<Cyb> and got an A
#420439 +(371)- [X]
<@Casper> Girl from work and I went to the pool hall
<@Casper> I asked her if she wanted to start talking
<@Casper> She said we would talk about it tomorrow
<@Casper> She has a nice looking sister too
<@cypher> start talking about what?
<@Casper> going out
<@cypher> people _plan_ relationship status?
<Vehementi> not only do they plan relationship status, they plan *talking* about relationship status.
<Vehementi> later in the relationship this is more commonly known as the "Let's talk about our relationship" trap
<@cypher> Vehementi: <3
<sh> new Relationship;
#420517 +(646)- [X]
<Managore> Heh.. All I ever drink is cock and fanta.
<Apocalypse> !!!ROFLMAO!!! ..Freudian slip eh??
#420589 +(2098)- [X]
<@dawoker> my manager dropped by and told me to stop using things like "my president is an assclown" in string testing for some of our code.
#420634 +(404)- [X]
<SnowBlind> We need to get that professor who mutated Oranges to have THC, so that Bacon has THC.
<^goat^> mmmmm potbacon
<SnowBlind> GET HIGH WHILE YOU FRY!
<SnowBlind> We'll call it JAMAICAN BACON!
<Gazoo> Oranges have THC?
#420685 +(2314)- [X]
<tadpoleofdeath> Why do so many math majors confuse Halloween and Christmas?
<tadpoleofdeath> Because Oct 31 is Dec 25
#420839 +(2017)- [X]
<Siege>: Omg theres this really hot girl at my school.
<WarHawk>: Aww. Siegebear is in wuv.
<Siege>:Everytime she smiles i wanna cum all over her face.
#420855 +(9292)- [X]
gentoogod: omg dude
gentoogod: today i might the stupidest 3 people i ever met
gentoogod: thier 3 brains combined couldnt solve the dilemma they faced today
siral21: what was it
gentoogod: ok before i say this
gentoogod: 100% true, not one second of a lie
gentoogod: this lady went into mcdonalds today and ordered a big mac for her
gentoogod: and ordered 2 mcgrittles one for each kid. one had bacon one without
gentoogod: her sons are around 18 or 19 so not infants
gentoogod: she went to the counter furious cause the son that wanted bacon has no bacon on his and the one that didnt want bacon has bacon on his
gentoogod: i fell on the floor beside her and couldnt stop laughing
gentoogod: so i finally stood up and asked her to repeat, thinking maybe shes drunk
gentoogod: i swear to god she looked at me straight faced and repeated it. and her 2 sons were beside her mad that they didnt get the order they wanted
#420926 +(1277)- [X]
<WooWoo> i was walking through goodwill with my daughter to look for costume ideas and there was this stuffed trout adn i gave it to her, adn literally, she smacked me with it and laughed
<WooWoo> and i'm like.
<WooWoo> she just trout slapped me
<WooWoo> she's not on irc
<WooWoo> it was all big too
<WooWoo> like 3 feet long
#420954 +(304)- [X]
<JonnyCash> man i was having this bad dream about driving piss drunk but then i woke up from it
<JonnyCash> well i had to because the light turned green
#420967 +(745)- [X]
<whitay> i just wanna kill mysql
<heaika> that's an odd warning..
<whitay> mmm stupid reflex typing
#421080 +(740)- [X]
<seekm> this was a call someone had that i was helping them with
<seekm> "is you caps lock key on?"
<seekm> "i think so, the keyboard is in all capital letters"
#421163 +(917)- [X]
< [Syntax]> woah, I just cracked open my fortune cookie and it was dead on..
< Feenyx> how so?
< jonnyv> "you will eat a cookie"?
#421385 +(2101)- [X]
<SKS> Hey, type lana backwards.
<LadyGrace> SKS, anal?
<SKS> Yes, please.
<WhoaOutOfControl> Hey SKS, type cips backwards.
* SKS was kicked by Anubis- (Racist language detected (4 hour ban) -- (207 served))
<rancid_alan> What an ass.
#421516 +(1393)- [X]
<konfuzed> i'm at this lan party...
<konfuzed> most of the others are downstairs, drinking.
<konfuzed> now they've all got goatse as their background image.
#421526 +(-54)- [X]
<r0y_g3rb1l> police stations are clubs for thick-skulled short dicked racist gun-nuts that took every civil-ass test they could because no one else hires people that put "former nigger beater" on their resume.
#421528 +(804)- [X]
<GaronSemi> The media players of the future will -kill you- if you associate their filetypes with another program.
#421551 +(162)- [X]
<LegCow> he's about as funny as aids
<`Sage> HAHA AIDS! HAHAHHA!
<`Sage> LOOK AT THAT CUNT DIE! HAHAHA
<`Sage> HEY! HOWS YOUR IMUNE SYSTEM? OH? DONT HAVE ONE? HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHA
#421559 +(82)- [X]
<TorpedoDog> well whats your take on the whole refugee bit then?
<MalcomX> sailings not the fastest way to get places
#421667 +(2113)- [X]
<adidasdood> anyone smallville 403 yet?
<spacerat> verbs, dude, verbs
<spacerat> that sentence clearly requires a verb
#421788 +(1263)- [X]
*** DickHead5 was kicked by TJ32 (3.80265176 × 10^-09 millenia long ban. (394 Served.))
TJ32 sets mode: +b *!*java@*.cos2.cable.ntl.com
<@DrLavaGoddess> Now that's funny
<WhoaOutOfControl> how long is that ban
<@TJ32> 2 minutes.
#421793 +(-167)- [X]
<Casualty-> i did weed once, fuck that shit
<Casualty-> and pot once
<CAL-bf|Russ> Weed was amazing
<eI|Katie> weed = pot
* emolithic|Icon_class has joined #gxl
<Casualty-> not pot
#421829 +(298)- [X]
<d-dog> know any thing that stops acne oh great kurty
<kurty> uh yeah
<kurty> finishing puberty
#422419 +(1451)- [X]
<leif> well I used to go to a "special" school for troubled kids, so our classes were really easy and pretty dumb. One of them was "work study" and I remember one day a few kids were playing jenga on the main "study" table, and i got the most exellent idea to grab a small model plane from the teachers desk, throw it at the blocks, then after they fell over I shouted " HEY GUESS WHO I AM?!?!"....
<leif> That's why i'm home schooled now :-(
#422720 +(772)- [X]
<RedLeader> So you like ju-jitsu tonight?
<Cigz> Yea, it was fun but I prefer my judo
<RedLeader> why, you think all of that throwing people around is cooler?
<Cigz> Ya damn right, the laddies love that stuff
<Cigz> shit, LADIES
<RedLeader> ba HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
<Cigz> look, let's just keep this our little secret, alright?
<RedLeader> Sure dude, don't worry about it ;)
<Cigz> you bastard....