#403295 +(1554)- [X]
<fatmanippo> i watch hentai for the story
<fatmanippo> hentais are hilarious
<KingTaco> a samurai who sucks at everything but sex goes on a quest to have sex with sex ninjas so he can gain treasure for his clan XD
<KingTaco> ingenious plotline XD
<Konis> ... "sex ninjas"
<Pruin> my my, this world certainly lacks sex ninjas
<StormGrass> imagine how it'd be like if we DID have any...mm
<Pruin> any hot chicks here wanna dress up like a ninja and fuck my (and/or others) brains out?
* StormGrass nearly grows a stiffy
<airwaffle> if sexual frustration was harnessable energy, this channel could power the US
#403326 +(447)- [X]
<Slave`Shadu|Gone> So, Nall, what kind of porn you looking at...
<XShadow[Gone]> Anal AND Oral?
<XShadow[Gone]> Irish boxing?
<Slave`Shadu|Gone> Wait, Wtf.
#403374 +(1508)- [X]
<GC> do you have any idea how hard it is killing flies on your screen when its a touchscreen!? you have to wait till they walk off a button
<GC> i swear they have started to get wise and just sit around on the close buttons of all my apps!
#403378 +(541)- [X]
<Darkening> something doesn't feel right on my system now i just upgraded my nivida drivers
<Borgs8472> do you sense a disturbance in the force?
<Borgs8472> "theses aren't the driver's you're looking for"
#404099 +(1290)- [X]
<russki> still reading bash?
<Zaichik> Yeah... :(
<Zaichik> I got myself off reading webcomics, I can get myself off reading this!
<Zaichik> That sounded SO wrong.
#404244 +(892)- [X]
* XeniX has the bestest most gorgeous g/f in the world
<Toughie> thanks BF
<Steppenwolf> Toughie and XeniX, sitting in a tree
#404336 +(73)- [X]
leafhound> i find it humorous as fuck that what is babyfat on girls is on guys...a beergut
mo0nChiLd> nah, its a fuel tank for a sex machine
#404361 +(-65)- [X]
<Colorblind_18f> if u did find out u had children how would u feel?
<Cocknocker> sorry for myself
#404470 +(-265)- [X]
<Wodeh> After that I never searched google for "naked dog sex fuck whore cock" again
<Wodeh> I was looking for artwork by Ian Van Dahl
<Wodeh> Then I realised Ian Van Dahl was some guy who made crappy trance music
<Wodeh> So I just put random words in, in the hope I might get that picture of dogs playing cards
#405221 +(15475)- [X]
<T-Wolf> man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named robert
<RdAwG20> you don't live in Hope mills do you?
<T-Wolf> ya, why man?
<RdAwG20> lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
<T-Wolf> you mother fucker
#405498 +(1106)- [X]
<Nefesis> I did stop smoking weed
<Nefesis> I need my brain 24/24
#405617 +(-47)- [X]
Hyp3rHax0r: haha, I feel stupid now
Hyp3rHax0r: I went and installed this really powerful GBA developer kit, 208MB, and I figured I'd do all sorts of crazy C stuff
Hyp3rHax0r: now I can't find the EXE to start it.
#406061 +(22)- [X]
<Jontler> feel my wrath
ωνω Topic (#freebsd): changed by Jontler: derrich is mean
derrich/#freebsd waits for the wrath
<Jontler> yea whatup
<derrich> as far as wrath goes
<derrich> that's filed under the 'premature ejaculation' category
#406167 +(1291)- [X]
<Chobes> You there, Mr. Mercman2000?
<Mercman2000> I'm talking with a chick. Piss off.
<Chobes> Text recognition AI has gotten so advanced.
<Mercman2000> This is ME. Mercman2000 you little Chobesey fuck. I am talking with a chick, this is the first non-postal related female contact I have gotten in for fucking never, so I don't care if your pubes are on fire and you need tech spit to douse the flames, whatever it is, IT CAN FUCKING WAIT.
<Chobes> omj poynt taken
#406366 +(1104)- [X]
Cap'n Steve: I have no girlfriend, no money, I live at home and work at Taco Bell, but my domains don't expire until 2014 and DAMN IT FEELS GOOD!
#406373 +(11730)- [X]
<[TN]FBMachine> i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction section
#406381 +(8050)- [X]
#408273 +(372)- [X]
< pillBOX_w> "You can just grab both sides and twist - as you might twist a squirrel - and then eat the halves over the sink wildly while the juice runs down your arm." -- Tycho, on eating nectarines
< pillBOX_w> How would one go about twisting a squirrel?
< jer> pillBOX_w, one hand on body, one hand on head, move in opposite directions
< pillBOX_w> jer: I see you've lived in Arkansas before, or at least watched a show about their cuisine?
#408285 +(457)- [X]
<Javin> *I* could put together a flash site that quotes 1000 imaginary people saying they saw a giant space monkey come and throw flammable poo at the pentagon. Doesn't make it true.
#408386 +(-5)- [X]
The wolf catches Red Riding Hood and rapes her violently.
After he's done, Red Riding Hood threatens him, "I'm gonna go to the police and tell them that you violetntly raped me four times!!"
The wolf looks at her puzzled and says, "What do you mean FOUR times?"
Red Riding just looks at him and replies, "Well, we've still got time"
#408550 +(778)- [X]
<BunnyMan730> So in my massive driving fit yesterday, I went into a Smiths up in north ogden to get a drink and a snack, I saw the pharmisit thingy and decided to walk up to it and ask for some condoms... The guy there said "Sure... What are you going to use them for?"...
<keucu> What the Hell.
#408590 +(368)- [X]
BillyLove: Half awake, some of my large mammal friends and I are sitting around playing Scatergories at around 1 AM.
BillyLove: Then out of noware we get the subject "Things you've never tasted" and the letter C... BillyLove: We thaught that was bad till be got the letter N and the fallowing subjects: "Things that are black," "Things you save up to buy," "Tools," and "Things your afraid of."
BillLove: Right before we got the letter H and "People who work at night", we got W and "Female athletes", then someone yells out "WHO CARES?" That's the last time we play that late.
Bufford: I think our game of Apples to Apples was worse. The word was "spicy" and someone played the card that said "JFK Assassination."
#408649 +(1418)- [X]
(Chimerasame): I HAVE COMBINED TWO JAPANESE WORDS TO CREATE A MASTERPIECE OF HORRIFYING PROPORTIONS
#408882 +(1388)- [X]
<Raxor> I love the way my mom bursts into my room while I'm masturbating
<Raxor> then when I suddenly lean forward to cover my genitals she stands there and pretends nothing happened
<Raxor> just looks straight at me and says "come set the table"
<Raxor> then she kept standing there until I finally said, "okay..."
<Borisyen> she was waiting to be asked to 'help out' bwahahaha
<Raxor> then as she was leaving I noticed I never turned the porn off, so there was some girl sucking on a dick on the screen the whole time
<Raxor> well bbl.. I've got to do some awkward table setting.
#408891 +(271)- [X]
Reynir > Have you ever tried prostituation?
Reynir > it's not like sex at all. more like multiplayer masturbation
#408913 +(1746)- [X]
(ComradOtter) "A train station is where a train stops. A bus station is where a bus stops. On my desk I have a workstation..."
#408949 +(1026)- [X]
<Ghozt> So I was brushing my teeth and had to go to the bathroom, so I walked into the bathroom to take a #1 while brushing my teeth. I get my thing out and all the sudden my left hand starts jerking off my dick. I'm like, wtf!? Turns out I just had one of those "pat your head while rubbing your stomach" moments.
#408950 +(1493)- [X]
[eddo] What's the job application to Hooters?
[eddo] They just give you a bra and say: Here, fill this out?
#408951 +(481)- [X]
<ExT> Can you spell *CENCUR*
<ExT> Or was it... SENSUR?
<Clownie> not any more
<ExT> maybe SENZUR?
<ExT> Allright then
<Clownie> I'll just pick letters from a scrabble bag, I have more chance of being right than you
#408973 +(2856)- [X]
<FoXeh> The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass
<FoXeh> Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
<FoXeh> Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
<FoXeh> Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
<FoXeh> Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
<FoXeh> Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
<FoXeh> Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
#409151 +(894)- [X]
<rolo> alright, someone pls explain to me what the fuck "it" is in the phrase "keep it real"
<draco> yeah, and how/why does it become fake?
<thrgy> and why the fuck is everyone its keeper?!?!?!
* traxor has quit IRC (Quit: it has failed to be kept real in here)
#409223 +(2497)- [X]
<Apocalypse> So I was at work and decided to entertain myself, everyone else went out to lunch and I was by myself
<Apocalypse> Pron was 1st on the list, so I start surfing the internet, following links to various sites, and after 5 minutes or so I decided to stop
<Apocalypse> By then I had 30 or so screens opened up, all maximised, and while I'm closing them one by one (admiring the pics one last time) I hear a door open nearby and turn around to look, and I kept clicking
<Apocalypse> Unfortunately, my mouse must have moved a little, because when I turned back I realised I was clicking on the "print" button instead, over and over and over :/
<Apocalypse> And to make things worse, things get printed downstairs in a special room, then get brought up to us to make things more conveniant
<Apocalypse> In brief, in 10 minutes time I have to see the boss and explain why I decided to print out 10 or so full page pictures of two girls fingering each other on the floor :(
#409361 +(83)- [X]
<Vartia> whats up Xery?
<Xerion> just looking at my harddrives hoping they are capable of mating so i can put some data on their offspring :)
#409549 +(-97)- [X]
[Talrin] (OOC), "When you beat me in hand to hand combat..."
[Axel] (OOC), "*challenges Talrin to Rock, Paper, Scissors*"
[Cordt] (OOC), "Hand to hand."
[Cordt] (OOC), "He's got a point."
[Talrin] (OOC), "Okay..."
[Talrin] (OOC), "...1...2...3...ROCK!"
[Axel] (OOC), "1...2...3...NATURAL TWENTY!"
[Talrin] (OOC), "..."
#410657 +(1679)- [X]
KelBell853: im 4'12'' 82 pounds, hazel eyes, brown hair blond highlights, medium length hair
i am KTIK: 4'12"?
KelBell853: yeah 4 feet 12 inches
i am KTIK: I hope you're kidding.
KelBell853: im dead serious
i am KTIK: How many inches are in a foot?
i am KTIK: Put two and two together...
KelBell853: opps yeah im 5 foot
#410676 +(353)- [X]
* dfs|Sleep is now known as dfs|Sleeping|Really
<dfs|Sleeping|Really> Damn you all.
<Ant> if you really want to sleep i can timeban you until morning. :P
* Quits: ChanServ (ChanServ@Services.GameSurge.net) (*.net *.split)
<Ant> ... or not.
#410847 +(773)- [X]
nordic24sweet: Statistically speaking, the job of pizza delivery driver is a more dangerous job than that of fire fighting.
wastedVegas: that makes sense. A friend of mine who was a pizza dilivery guy was once offered a blow job by a guy he delivered a pizza to. That shit doesn't happen to Firefighters
#411155 +(234)- [X]
<Twins> I watched a vesectomy reversal last night
<Fullauto> I hate nose surgery
<Fullauto> it's soooo sick
<Twins> Vasectomy = genital surgery D:
* Fullauto runs back to modelling
#411654 +(7)- [X]
<SoulFlayer> i have read every single quote on bash.org
<VDJ> you know, thats kinda like saying i have memorized the windows 95 source code
#411849 +(28)- [X]
• Mugen clutches his hard
(+Mugen) O_O damn
#411986 +(209)- [X]
<Arkangel> hey, bork
<[TMBJ]Bork_Tanbey> hi ark
<DCz_power> hey borg
<Arkangel> they should make Borg porno
<Arkangel> and the catch phrase is "RESISTANCE IS FERTILE"
<[TMBJ]Bork_Tanbey> YOU WILL BE INSEMINATED. RESISTANCE IS FERTILE.
#412106 +(587)- [X]
<brently> i want a girl
<enigmiac> me too
<brently> a good girl
<enigmiac> we'll see
<brently> a partner
<enigmiac> good girls are hard to fuck
<enigmiac> find FIND!
<enigmiac> I MEANT TO SAY FIND
#412119 +(115)- [X]
* Hugahay is like a deer in headlights
<Entrak> Stupid enough to see it coming?
#412122 +(2347)- [X]
<Tscully> Gimme a C!
<Tscully> Gimme a H!
<Tscully> Gimme a EESE!
<Tscully> Gimme a CAKE!
*Tscully runs off with the three cakes
#412140 +(1701)- [X]
* Therapist is now known as TheRapist
<TheRapist> What? I like capitalizing random letters..
#412146 +(-65)- [X]
VerusMaya: my business card :-P
VerusMaya: I have 75 or so business cards printed
VerusMaya: 50 going out with flyers around neighborhood
PooMaster451: you should sell lemonade too
PooMaster451: 25 cents a glass
PooMaster451: on the street corner
PooMaster451: like THE WHORE YOU ARE
#412159 +(505)- [X]
marksydneyshaw: I haven't been at school since 1981
ChristianOtte87: No, you're old.
marksydneyshaw: Yes I was19 then!
marksydneyshaw: But I'm really just a big kid, as Legion said, who still reads comics!
ChristianOtte87: No, you're pretty much an old guy living in denial.
#412232 +(445)- [X]
<Lalavava> Load this room with 1000 bananas and what do you get
<K19> Banana netsplit
#412241 +(1938)- [X]
<Elysium> I think I need to watch some porn for luck
<gNaRKiLL> doesnt work
<gNaRKiLL> id be the luckiest fucker alive
<gNaRKiLL> id shit leprachauns
#412248 +(12005)- [X]
<Locl-Yocl> I helped the EMTs at a car wreck and got blood all over my arms and shirt. It looked like I murdered 20 people with a fork... anyway, I walked into a convieniance store down the street and said my girlfriend needs a tampon. The guy at the counter was mortified.