#398019 +(1583)- [X]
<Oxidizer> bah i just ate fudge after eatin tuna
<Lurch> a slip of the tongue can do that
#398160 +(1036)- [X]
<DMod> meh I hate watching the same pr0n twice
<Fatal> watching it twice ruins the ending
<Thorshammer> omg not on her face!! whatta plot twist
#398161 +(1066)- [X]
JBroder873: here's a mindjob
JBroder873: what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?
Key of Love II: it creates a rip in the very fabric of time
Key of Love II: which thus spawns a black hole.
Key of Love II: and kills a puppy.
#398164 +(395)- [X]
<RMerlin> Best one was that night a regular woman on the channel joined it, and asked us if someone could finger her.
<RMerlin> Then she realised what she had just said
#398205 +(1395)- [X]
Eric: make me
Jon: your parents already made that mistake ;)
#398219 +(570)- [X]
<b0b> i can impregnate from 10 meters
* felix takes a step back
#398224 +(2063)- [X]
<[BU]RaptoR`> I'd like to travel back to the year 1337 and point and laugh at everything
#398362 +(3671)- [X]
AngryGackt: did you hear about lindze's dad?
Kagato: you just like..
Kagato: scared me... so bad...
Kagato: cuz when I first read that it looked like "did you hear that Lindze's dead?"
Kagato: I swear my heart jumped into my throat.
Kagato: I was chewing on my heart and freaking out until I reread it.
Kagato: what happened to her dad? ::relaxes::
AngryGackt: He's dead.
#398433 +(1624)- [X]
<arkaneknight> I think my sister went to bed
#398672 +(873)- [X]
sonotayuppy: hey now, Iíve gotten my ass mugged at gunpoint before
hoggman: watergun point
sonotayuppy: thirty eight point
sonotayuppy: the "poor manís machete"
hoggman: you shoulda kung foo'd his ass
sonotayuppy: I wish I knew kung fu
sonotayuppy: do you know kung fu?
hoggman: Iím a 7th degree black belt
sonotayuppy: seventh degree? That sounds rather made up
hoggman: you dare question master thomas???
sonotayuppy: yes, I do dare question master thomas
sonotayuppy: as he sounds made up as well
sonotayuppy: since when are you a master?
hoggman: SHINTO HIRUKEN MASTER PINTO THORAX KICK
sonotayuppy: what in the name of jebus was that?
hoggman: you are paralized from the eyebrows down
sonotayuppy: well Iíll be damned, youíre right
hoggman: here eat this sausage
#398708 +(265)- [X]
You6Know: oh my gah .. everytime i pee in the pool tho im scared it turns purple like that episode of Pete & Pete
#398712 +(265)- [X]
<Xal> how come people from foreign countries find it apt to use every single fucking smiley on msn?
<Puck> Because, Xaleth
<Puck> They find it so amusing :O
<Xal> "My father just beat me with a stick (h):D
<Xal> Today, I got a hysterectimony. 8D :> :|
<Selene> XD XD
#398734 +(664)- [X]
(Nick): Dude, It'll take me weeks to complete a movie.. I am a perfectionist.. But I like to take my sweet sweet time
(CEM): I'm a perfectionist too
(Deranged): mE 2
#398830 +(667)- [X]
<pyromaniac> reality tv is a very sketchy "reality"... one guy picxking from 25 hott chicks... oh yea THATS reality
#398853 +(1944)- [X]
<Psi> is there anyone who doesn't like them?
<Fenris> but you can't blame them.
<Fenris> the only reason they invaded belgium was for the waffles.
<Fenris> those fuckers love waffles.
#398948 +(984)- [X]
<MrFluffy> How do I tell which whores aren't cops?
<MrFluffy> ... irl
<MrFluffy> you nerds
#398954 +(660)- [X]
<@champ> anyone put garlic in their popcorn?
<@Cruz> i spray butter
<@champ> is spray butter any good?
<@crypto> its not real butter
<@champ> i can't believe it!
#399039 +(776)- [X]
<Cruzin3434> member me fag boy
<Cruzin3434> you fucked my grandpa the other day
<zaim> nah dude
<zaim> wasn't me
<zaim> what day was it
#399773 +(1218)- [X]
<Outsyder> so I was sitting in gym on friday
<Outsyder> my friends were talking about some stupid thing
<Outsyder> and I was stroking my leg hair
<Outsyder> and i thought
<Outsyder> "hey, if a supervillian had hairy legs, he wouldn't need a cat"
#399838 +(1035)- [X]
OriginalEmoo: haha someone lost her bronze medal for cyling cuz she failed doping test
OriginalEmoo: god damn if i end up taking drugs to perform better i am not getting my ass kicked by 2 people who didnt
#400008 +(2077)- [X]
óõ quit: (ChanServ) (ChanServ@Services.GameSurge.net) (brb)
(@eFire) the bot just left and said brb?
(@eFire) where the f#@ he think hes going?
(@eFire) to the bathroom!!???
#400403 +(3337)- [X]
<SmilinBob> !8ball... what's wrong with my e-mail?
<FarkStats> SmilinBob: Ask again later.
<SmilinBob> !8ball what's wrong with my e-mail?
<FarkStats> SmilinBob: Outlook not so good.
#400459 +(13853)- [X]
<Sonium> someone speak python here?
<Sonium> the programming language
#400576 +(853)- [X]
IcedEarth156: my bro is coming over to work on the house
and I gotta help him
bobthefish021: oh, go....doing manly work
IcedEarth156: actually I'll be making the lemonade
#400615 +(354)- [X]
<Shuurai> i think it'd be hilarious if you went to coinstar and dumped in $1.02 worth of coins
<Shuurai> and then they deduct like 10 cents
<Shuurai> so you're left with coins anyway
#400668 +(1588)- [X]
<@Weedums> You know the rodeo?
<@Weedums> When your doing a chick from behind then you say something to freak them out
<@Weedums> like your sister bit me in bed last night
<@Weedums> and she tries to get away?
<@Weedums> And you see how long you can stay on?
<@Weedums> Well... the best thing to say is...
<@Weedums> "I have fucking siphilis bitch"
<@Weedums> But when she said
<@Weedums> "oh I already have that"
<@Weedums> The game changed pretty quickly.
#400730 +(384)- [X]
strangeanya: yah he's a prick...
porter is a dick: men are such pigs
porter is a dick: show me your tits
#400741 +(434)- [X]
KazeoHin: can I lick your penis?
SmarterChild: What if I want to lick my penis?
#400761 +(2359)- [X]
<blanco> how about you greet me like a white man?
<NESS> HEIL DEUTCHLAND
#400813 +(3771)- [X]
<Shadowless> How can I tell if I'm circumsized or not? From everyone's descriptions, I'm assuming I am not. I think I even recall my father telling me they decided not to have it done to me because of problems that can develop. I'd ask but I'm a little too embarrassed. I'm very private with my body.
<Shadowless> I do have quite a bit of loose skin below the glans, but it's still clearly separated when erect. When I was young though, before I was getting erections, the skin was always bunched up around the glans and I could easily slide it over. I am also extremely sensitive on the under-side of my shaft toward the top -- exactly where the skin is. I get ejaculate by just massaging this.
<Shadowless> My sincere apologies if this was too graphic for anyone.
<Shadowless> I'm tempted to just suck it up and use Google image search to find out.
<Baloogan> dude, WHAT THE FUCK
#401323 +(-861)- [X]
<@Kouji_Minamoto> A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis were all sitting around one day talking about how much their lives sucked. The cucumber said, "Man, my life sucks. Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, someone cuts me up and puts me in a salad." So the pickle looks at him and says, "You think you have it bad? Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, someone puts me in vinegar, puts spices on me, and sticks me in a jar." The penis glared at them both and said, "You guys think you have it rough? Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, they put a rubber tarp over my head, stick me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall until i throw up and pass out."
#401445 +(1212)- [X]
<^Sasquatch^> AFK = Away From Komputer
#401556 +(2815)- [X]
<BlueStar> my dad used to leave the dish on the porn channels
<BlueStar> so i'd turn it on and there'd be porn
<BlueStar> i was always like "augh!!"
<BlueStar> then i discovered the internet... haha.
<hotdogcore> ta da
<BlueStar> my mom walks in as I've got like 10 windows of BME hard open
<BlueStar> I'm usin win 98 at that time
<BlueStar> so i try to click the desktop icon
<BlueStar> and its too slow
<BlueStar> so i turn my computer off
<BlueStar> she yelled at me: "you're going to get bad sectors! if you're looking at porn you dont' want me to see, turn off your monitor!"
<BlueStar> ....I got bad sectors.
#401908 +(703)- [X]
<reb> Girls are like rocks; you skip the flat ones.
#401970 +(636)- [X]
<Aragel> goth in this area means...mommy and daddy both work till 6pm and im home alone all day so i rebel by looking like a racoon and wandering main street claiming to have a drug problem and drinking Lattes for attention
#402026 +(2016)- [X]
<Keolah> whats up?
<Zarggg> A direction away from the center of gravity of a celestial object.
#402160 +(664)- [X]
<+Sam2> Pregnancy tests: Blue line means your pregnant, yellow socks mean you missed.
#402185 +(108)- [X]
<mookster> Florida's getting fucked again... That really sucks. Good luck, man
<litty> not to avoid or make light the seriousness of any hurricane, but saying florida gets fucked by a hurricane is damn funny. it's like the eye of the hurricane (the vagina) is on a mission to get it on with something. and there could be no better way to fill it's gaping gash with the biggest penis in the world (florida).
#402200 +(1854)- [X]
<oobey> my school year is off to a great start
<oobey> I was in the back of my physics auditorium, trying not to fall completely asleep. The professor asks a question about what method we use when doing math in science, so to pretend like I'm not falling alseep, I shout out "sig figs"
<oobey> I then open my eyes and realize the prof is currently talking about vectors and scalars, so the question was dreamed, but the answer was not, and the entire class has come to a complete stop now
<oobey> at this point I'm at a loss as to what to do, so I pick up my bag and walk out without saying another word
#402202 +(16)- [X]
<Mr-d> How do you make love to a fat girl?
<Graham> Slap and ride the waves?
#402212 +(2389)- [X]
<Ingo>I can't uninstall it, there seems to be some kind of "Uninstall Shield"
#402230 +(371)- [X]
<thedeathart>Say, If you have a username and a password for a FTP server, how do you get the address?
#402242 +(2195)- [X]
[fris] whats the most rebel thing you have done
[O_o`] destroyed the death star
#402280 +(676)- [X]
<random_monkey> "UPS" - that's the noise they make when they drop your parcels
#402401 +(691)- [X]
<YouDeadSucka> What do Pink Floyd and Dale Earnheart have in common?
<YouDeadSucka> Their last big hit was "The Wall"
#402726 +(1549)- [X]
<CookieMan> from slashdot: "InternetNews.com has a report of a new Internet2 land-speed record: '859 gigabytes of data in less than 17 minutes.' InternetNews goes on to say, 'This record speed of 6.63Gbps is equivalent to transferring a full-length DVD movie in four seconds.'"
<CookieMan> and i thought 56k was slow...
<@RuneB> CookieMan: "and that great disturbance you just felt was a million RIAA and MPAA executives screaming out in terror all at once, and then nothing."
#402739 +(874)- [X]
<mrlogic> you know, for a moment I misread this headline: "Bush and Kerry Hit Road, Trade Blows on Jobs"
<lordandrei> And yet, they still oppose Gay Marriage
#402959 +(343)- [X]
Hyp3rHax0r: they say office romances never work out
Hyp3rHax0r: they're probably right
Hyp3rHax0r: what kind of weirdo falls in love with an office?
#403219 +(2400)- [X]
<skycreatoR> hehe awesome
<skycreatoR> today at my job (i work in a cinema) we had the premiere on shrek 2
<skycreatoR> and because of the ocation, green popcorn
<skycreatoR> then some little girl came over to my booth and asked why the popcorns were green
<skycreatoR> i said it was because we put mashed shrek down in the popcorn machine
<skycreatoR> then she began crying and ran away
#403269 +(588)- [X]
<chiptuned> I just noticed that I have a worn out pattern in the shape of a boner on my underwear