#384176 +(441)- [X]
<Reedy> man im lame
<Reedy> i was walking around the city tonight
<Reedy> looking at the signs and billboards etc
<Reedy> street lights, traffic lights
<Reedy> and im like "pfft, doom3 has way better lighting than this shit"
#384228 +(695)- [X]
<Aragorn^> I tried using the old "show me yours and I'll show you mine" trick...maybe I should reverse it...show me yours OR I'll show you mine.
#384243 +(914)- [X]
<ExplosiveTwinkies> Ok, my sister calls Compuserve to cancel my net(thank god), but unfortunetly, only the account holder(Me) can speak to the operator. But I'm a 'minor' so I can't.
<ExplosiveTwinkies> So I can't speak to the operator AT ALL. I can't give my sister the 'authority' to talk, cause I cannot speak to the operator.
<ExplosiveTwinkies> Then... suprise suprise, the operator asks for my WIFE.
#384245 +(421)- [X]
(weaseL) the nurse at the the reception at the doctors is hot
(Venge) oh, so that's why they think you have asthma...
#384265 +(2110)- [X]
<Devilbunny> when talking to a girl who's a programmer about dating prospects, I said not to worry.
<Devilbunny> as a programmer, she'll be exposed to geek boys who may have never seen a girl before, and she can have her pick of the litter
<Devilbunny> someone else interjected saying "The odds are good, but the goods are odd."
#384331 +(655)- [X]
<+Badger> ...would you pose nude for, like, a billion dollars? o.o
<+Nightwish> who wouldnt
<+Nightwish> then again i'd pose for like 5 cents and a candy
#384495 +(436)- [X]
<Mansion_Maniac> I just realized something
<Mansion_Maniac> if you renamed "humans" as "Terrans"; "aliens" as "Zerg"; and "Predators" as "Protoss", the new Aliens vs. Predator movie would totally be a movie adaptation of StarCraft.
#384674 +(1411)- [X]
<stout> that smiley has a really long nose
#384735 +(1424)- [X]
[Maimed_Perfection] Anything with numbers replacing letters is just fucking stupid.
[Sanctum] NO ONE THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SEVEN SPEAK
#384762 +(114)- [X]
<`Jamesy> i saw this old guy buy doom3 today
<`Jamesy> as he's buying it the shop assistant asks him what kinda pc/video card he has
<`Jamesy> and he mutters something about 32mb
<`Jamesy> and the assistant says it wont run and that he needs a new card with at least 128mb
<`Jamesy> and then the twit says
<`Jamesy> but it runs doom 2 ok!!!!!!
#384861 +(290)- [X]
<Murielle> this just in from ABC Radio - a man went to defend himself when he heard a noise, stuck a .22 caliber pistol in his shorts.. accidently pulled the hammer back... felt this stinging sensation, and a trickle of blood down his leg....
<Murielle> he had performed a self-orchectomy
<Charron> hmm, so shooting your testes off "stings"?
<StephanieNYC> a stinging sensation?
<StephanieNYC> this makes for a new definition to the term "numb nuts"
#385125 +(2214)- [X]
<chibo> Found something pretty rad. $5 FBI hat purchased at HOPE. Blew past a cop at 85. Looked over at the cop, he read the hat, saluted, and retargeted someone else with the radar gun. Not too bad for $5. Highly recommended.
#385163 +(456)- [X]
<Matrix_McCloud> by the way, is "legend of lumpy" our final answer
<Matrix_McCloud> this is for $100,000
<Matrix_McCloud> you have 2 lifelines
<Tenchi147> I would like to use a life line
<Tenchi147> I want to call a friend
<Matrix_McCloud> you alrady used that one, and all you said was "WASAAAAAAAAP"
#385461 +(427)- [X]
<Alvin> so there are four guys in one prison cell. One is a zoophile, one is a sadist, then there's a necrophile and an extremesports athelete.
<Alvin> the zoophile says: ahh, if I had a cat here, I'd fuck it till I pass out.
<Alvin> the sadist says: ahh, after that I'd torture it until it's dead
<Alvin> the necrophile: wow, after that I'D fuck it till I pass out
<Alvin> the extremesports guy is sitting in a far corner and very quietly says: mjau
#386016 +(904)- [X]
Ruben: You know it was a good shit when you come back and your screensaver's on.
#386207 +(823)- [X]
<Paul> So anyway, i hit him over the head with a shovel
<Paul> and now he's all "Lawsuit" this and "Jailtime" that
#386222 +(2339)- [X]
Trikkz R 4 Kidz: YO
Trikkz R 4 Kidz: WASSUP?
tetsu2051: presumably not your shift key
#386488 +(417)- [X]
<KainSularei> ah, bash.org
<KainSularei> 17037 quotes approved; 13482 quotes copied from the top 100 bash quotes pending; 5 original quotes pending
#386538 +(272)- [X]
<simon-say> CNN is reporting that Lance Armstrong may be stripped of his 6th Tour de France title.
<simon-say> In a random check for banned substances, three were found in Armstrong's hotel room.
<simon-say> The substances banned by the French that were found in his hotel room were as follows: (1) Toothpaste, (2) Deodorant, (3) Soap
<simon-say> The French officials also found several other items which they had never seen before, including a testicle and a backbone...
<simon-say> Earlier reports that French Government officials attempted to surrender to Armstrong as he entered Paris were apparently erroneous.
#386757 +(441)- [X]
* Jadyn wacks Murad with a very large book
* Murad dies
* Jadyn pokes Murad
* Murad pokes Jad back from the bowls of Hell
* Jadyn searches Murad's dead body for stolen presents
* Murad asks his good friend Lucifer to send out a few demons to get Jad
* Falkan asks them for papers
* Falkan deports the demons
* Murad hides his stolen presents away and sets his evil elf minions to guard them
* Jadyn eyes the elf minions
* Falkan points out the use of non-union elf labour.
#386769 +(747)- [X]
(@_mara) A tall, well-built woman with good
(@_mara) reputation, who can cook frogs
(@_mara) legs, who appreciates a good fuo-
(@_mara) schia garden, classical music, and tal-
(@_mara) king without getting too serious.
(@_mara) But please only read lines 1, 3 and 5.
#386777 +(485)- [X]
<Abby> nice language
<Abby> you kiss your mother with that mouth?
<nether> no, i kiss yours
#386793 +(529)- [X]
SnatchFace: I stumbled into the bathroom this morning after being up half the night with stomach pain and grabbed the wrong tube out of the cabinet in my stupor. I brushed for a half minute with Anusol HC when it slowly seeped into my addled brain that somethign was not quite right. I have been barfing ever since. Am I dying?
Rouge: Perhaps you should change your name to Assface.
Blazert40: I'll give you 32 mins to live.
vi-edit: Going by your screenname, at least it wasn't Vagisil.
#387388 +(85)- [X]
[Lamsey> lol, i'm running UT in spectator mode to run down my laptop's battery and the camera's right next to a biorifle spot
[Lamsey> whole screen's covered in green goo, hehe
<-FuNkY CaPrIcOrN-> that happened to me last night
<Lamsey> ok FC, please don't elaborate in any way or form please
<-FuNkY CaPrIcOrN-> I sneezed and all this stuff came out of my nose
<-FuNkY CaPrIcOrN-> all over the screen
<Lamsey> ugh, too late
<-FuNkY CaPrIcOrN-> people tell younger guys to make sure they have enough money...comdums...etc when they go on a date
<-FuNkY CaPrIcOrN-> also remember to blow your nose before you go out
<-FuNkY CaPrIcOrN-> could cause problems
<Lamsey> 'snot usually a problem for me
#387392 +(329)- [X]
* tweekie promptly dies
<Davidious> Hey babes
<tweekie> no necrophilia play tonight, i'm too tired
* Davidious sighs
* Davidious Quit (Connection reset by peer)
#387397 +(441)- [X]
(OldSkOoLephant) My sister works in a video store
(ElPresidente) Well my sister IS a video store. >_>
(Loafaeralus) Yeah pres, everybody's been in her, but only a certain amount have paid...
#387433 +(586)- [X]
<OppeSnopp> anyone know how to clear the history out of explorer's damned "textbox memory"? (dont
wont my wife to get 'black monseter cocks' when she's going to do a google that starts
with the letter b)
#387548 +(124)- [X]
crazycougr: saw rick james died?
phaded 001: yup
crazycougr: 'natural causes'
phaded 001: wonder what chappelle is gonna do now
crazycougr: cocaine is natural isnt it?
#388717 +(1537)- [X]
<Jason> One time I walked into my parents bedroom and they were having sex, it was traumatizing for them
<Jason> Not so much that I walked in, but that I started shouting "LET THAT BITCH HAVE IT"
#388718 +(235)- [X]
<Warped^2K> we just got back from hiking in the bush
<BIoNYX> i hiked in the bush once but i told her to shave that shit or i'd never do it again
#389195 +(551)- [X]
<reddz> love does not make the world go round... just up and down a bit.
#389483 +(1635)- [X]
<TomTheBomb> what the most racist thing in the world?
<|Snaker|> most racist thing in the world?
<TomTheBomb> a sprinkler
<TomTheBomb> they go chinkchinkchinkchinkchinkchink SPIC nigganigganigganigganigga
#389514 +(740)- [X]
<Quasadu> i'm the kind of guy who, when i accidentally see myself naked in the mirror, i think "my god if i saw that in the woods i'd shoot it and run back to the car"
#389517 +(134)- [X]
[adam_tharrington] does anyone here have a keyboard
#389536 +(1538)- [X]
<Foxx> im never fallin in love
<Foxx> i've decided
<FuriousC> you dont choose who you love, love chooses you
<FuriousC> and that little fucking son of a bitch sticks itself to your face like the godless bloodsucking bastards in Alien and refuses to let go until it has drained your soul and left you an empty shell of a human being
#389734 +(865)- [X]
<K418> Bash.org is false advertising.
<K418> I expected IRC to be all funny and interesting, instead you're lucky if you can find a chanel people actually talk in...
<K418> And then when you do it's full of complete idiots, whose intelligence could probably be scientifically proven to be equal to that of the average turnip, and horny geeks, whose only interest is getting into your virtual pants.
#389811 +(951)- [X]
<BS>I walk into school today and the girl that sits beside me tells me that she lost 10 pounds from laughing at me.
#390150 +(203)- [X]
<Breach> I just got another "make your penis larger for $20.00" email. I already spent $140 and now when I get excited I fall over forward.. the only good thing is the kickstand effect.
#390427 +(691)- [X]
<RST> you suck huge donkey dick
<RST> and not only you
<RST> but your sister too
<Felon> what happens in Tijuana stays in Tijuana
<Felon> you know the rules
#390445 +(2273)- [X]
<Erdage> WTF dude help me, i have lost my dick!!!
<DakuTenshi> What are you talking about?
<Erdage> help me daku, it's missing!
<DakuTenshi> Erdage... you are drunk right?
<Erdage> Err.. no...
<DakuTenshi> Yes you are
<Erdage> WTF??? How do you know?
<DakuTenshi> Erdage, you are a girl...
#390681 +(539)- [X]
zhiryst: its what p2p is all about
zhiryst: i just leave it on overnight
zhiryst: let people take shit from me
zhiryst: i take shit from them
zhiryst: p2p is just a variety of communism
djnogo 4: haha
djnogo 4: you sure?
djnogo 4: i picture it more as a circle jerk :-)
zhiryst: yeah, but who's getting bukakeed?
zhiryst: the RIAA?
djnogo 4: bingo :-)
zhiryst: A HAHAHAHA
#391193 +(1242)- [X]
*** Mavert changes topic to 'Men are like cement... after getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
(EviLGirL-) Women are like a carpet... lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them forever''
#391224 +(1206)- [X]
<bloodeu> Outback Steakhouse has ridiculous prices
<bloodeu> i'm here now with my date
<bloodeu> palm pilot + wifi is cool
<bloodeu> i got my keyboard
#391241 +(1495)- [X]
aakashdheer: my grandmother gave me a wish
aakashdheer: i could either have a perfect memory or a huge penis
aakashdheer: i can't remember my decision
#391795 +(590)- [X]
(@b0wser) i like the fact that she says "we can still arrange fuck dates" even though we're not together
(@Bocki) a fuck girlfriend: nothing better then that
(@jason127) I had a relationship like that
(@jason127) then one day she just disapeared
(@jason127) then two years later i seen her in Tatoo magazine
(@jason127) she had moved to Ohio
(@Bocki) sounds like Forrest Gump - The XXX Version
#392195 +(847)- [X]
<@graspee_leemoor> brazil v italy women's volleyball is about to start
<@graspee_leemoor> you'll get no sense out of me
* Snaar hands graspee some tissues
< Bucket_Mouse> who you cheering for
<%Snaar> the girls
< Bucket_Mouse> which girls?
<%Snaar> you know
<%Snaar> two legs
<%Snaar> two arms
<%Snaar> various holes
<%Snaar> THE GIRLS
< Bucket_Mouse> ITALY GIRLS OR BRAZIL GIRLS
<%Snaar> why are you being racist :-
<%Snaar> they are both fine girls
< Bucket_Mouse> oh, i thought you were playing favorites
<%Snaar> the point of female sports is just to enjoy the show
#392267 +(1890)- [X]
* kitten has quit IRC (Killed (NickOP (Kill requested by kittster)))
<BlackAIR> kitten got killed??
<Propagandhi> ALRIGHT, WHO IN HERE IS MASTERBATING!?
#392288 +(1191)- [X]
<monkey216> FUCK! im dead
<monkey216> Im sitting here hitting my bong and my dad just imed me from korea and was like, I can see you in the webcam
<monkey216> I forgot I had the damned camera turned on
<wrenchy> LMAO see you next year dumbass
#392848 +(581)- [X]
<X-G> Yay, I wrote a todo list
<X-G> Now I can procrastinate more efficiently!
#393177 +(1139)- [X]
<Poinky> so, there is to be war between us...
<Mororvia> good god ya'll