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#374938 +(805)- [X]

<Twiztid> My gf called me gay
<Twiztid> I came back with
<Twiztid> "If I'm gay then why do I think of you when I jerk it?"
<Twiztid> There was an akward silence...
<Linguica> whats wrong with that
<Twiztid> nothing
<Twiztid> except I was talking to my grandfather

#374943 +(80)- [X]

<booze> rice makes your dick gain strenght :p
<Margarita> if you shove it in your dick, sure, booze

#374953 +(429)- [X]

Pikeman: I wonder if sex in heaven is considered necrophilia.
    Pikeman: Or hell.
*** Jam (Jam@217.137.88.9) has joined #ev3
    Pikeman: Jam, wanna test my theory?
        Jam: sure
      forge: Heh.
        Jam: do i have to get naked?
      forge: In a way...

#374959 +(987)- [X]

* grannyman jams a slight tune
<grannyman> just slightly
<grannyman> not quite full-on
<grannyman> just slighty sub-par
<grannyman> but not yet sub-woofer.
<grannyman> or sub-sonic
<grannyman> just kinda like sub-way
<grannyman> you know, like eat fresh all day
<grannyman> BUUU dubba Duuuu dubba Duuu dubba deeeee
<grannyman> SHIIIIIIIIIIINEEEE~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<grannyman> dude, I wish i could emulate instruments through IRC.
* grannyman was k-lined by Q (Jesus, I'm a bot, and I can't even take this shit.)

#375014 +(268)- [X]

<XvoiD> We need more members for the forums. I've told all my friends now tell all yours. Im sure they will love it here. Come on and help out the forums.
<debian_> What if people start to advertise and the forums get a flood of people like Ra... noobs.
<thomas> what if we became an elite group of forumers who took over the world by sticking together in a pack of small numbers, fighting the odds, and defeating cobra commander whenever possible?

#375031 +(452)- [X]

<Zazu> omg
<Zazu> wc
<Zazu> that link you posted
<Zazu> eww
<WC`> yeah it's bad
<Zazu> why do you look at things like that? why not normal stuff to jack off to, like shuri's links?
<WC`> because it's fun to 0wn you
<Zazu> but do you have ANY idea how hard it was to jerkoff to that?

#375045 +(616)- [X]

<Fuxm> You know what i wanna do?
<Fuxm> i wanna photoshop a picture of me to make it look like im having gay sex with matt
<rX> WTF why??
<Fuxm> ...and then put it where i keep my weed so if my parents ever find it they wont care about the weed.
<rX> LMAO
<rX> make two copies and put one in a rogers video case and return it to the one he works at

#375058 +(452)- [X]

WarpdArchn: lots of christians don't go to church
WarpdArchn: so they never have to meet the other people who believe the same things they do
WarpdArchn: and therefore never have to lose faith in humanity

#375060 +(523)- [X]

<Phreddy> I'm easily confused
<rens> that's a side effect of having a penis

#375071 +(3041)- [X]

<cow_crap> ok I came to class early one day, considerably early
<cow_crap> and there's a girl there that I'm quite taken aback by
<cow_crap> and she said "wow, you came early" and I said, without thinking, "that's what all the girls say"
<cow_crap> I am such a fucking idiot
<cow_crap> she laughed at me for like 15 mins

#375110 +(913)- [X]

<DAMNIT> My god I hate being new clerk at the pharmacy where I work...
<DAMNIT> Today some 80 year old guy comes in with a giant syringe, asking if we had it.
<DAMNIT> The guy handed me it, I took it in my hand, and I looked in every part of the store possible cause I had no clue in hell what it was.
<DAMNIT> So, I go in back and ask the owner if we have it or can order it, still holding it in my hand.
<DAMNIT> The owner then bursts out laughing and point at me, so I go "What's so funny? The guy just wants to order it?"
<DAMNIT> So the owner goes "That's a enema syringe. It's probally been up his ass plenty of times by the color of it!"
<DAMNIT> I then procede to calmly walk back to the front, give the guy his anal sucker back, and the owner then deals with him about ordering it.
<DAMNIT> Meenwhile I put every soap we have on my hands and rub like hell for 20 minutes till my skin is completely raw.
<DAMNIT> And I'm the laughing stock of the store now, and 2 of my relatives work there, so soon my whole family will be laughing at me......

#375133 +(306)- [X]

<Abracadav> thats a pretty ambiguous statement
<timmo> i wish someone would ban you.
* Abracadav was kicked by knucklz (ask and ye shall receive)
* knucklz sets mode: +b *!*alk3@*.tpgi.com.au
<timmo> hey look at that wishes do come true
<timmo> and you dont even need cancer to make it happen

#375158 +(358)- [X]

cardrealmsk8: i made it to 2nd base today
Nck Tracy: nice.
Nck Tracy: I made it to third, but there was no one else with me.

#375160 +(346)- [X]

<Syko>Anyway, I'm gonna play some Simpsons :P
* Syko is now known as Syko-ShitnRun
<Syko-ShitnRun> oh shit
* Syko-ShitnRun is now known as Syko-HitnRun

#375215 +(1498)- [X]

<<Excel>> Omg, I saw the funniest thing today.
<<Excel>> There was a chalk outline on the floor, like those crime scenes where someone's been murdered.
<<Excel>> And in the middle of it, someone had written 'PWNED!'

#375228 +(204)- [X]

<Darric> Ok, so this guy's playing golf with a priest.
<Darric> And he's really bad, so every time after one bad putt after another, he's like "FUCK I MISSED THE FUCKING HOLE"
<[PervertedMonk]> k
<[PervertedMonk]> ...
<Darric> Next hole... swing... putt... "FUCK I MISSED"
<Darric> And the priest becomes a little unnerved
<[PervertedMonk]> obviously
<Darric> So he says "You really shouldn't keep saying that, or the Lord may well strike you down"
<Darric> Next hole: Swing... putt... "FUCK I MISSED!"
<Darric> And then there's a rumbling in the clouds, and a lightning bolt strikes the priest dead
<Darric> And a voice overhead... "FUCK I MISSED"

#375231 +(-7)- [X]

<Chafey> Macgyver hates the french
<Chafey> He's all like "I'll build a submarine out of this dried camel shit, damned french"

#375250 +(1228)- [X]

<Breadfan>this morning my dad went to go to the bathroom, but my little bro was already in there, my dad turns the knob but its locked, and in his deepest UT voice my bro shouts "DENIED"
<Breadfan>My dad just walked away scratching his head
<Dreyer>ROFLMAO

#375255 +(211)- [X]

<mCh> cd rootmy_head
<mCh> ls -l
<garg^work> bash: directory is empty

#375285 +(1254)- [X]

<Chee|s|e> I can't wait: soon, marijuana will be legal in Canada :)
<Eddf> So you can have a pot garden in your back yard?
<Chee|s|e> No dude, so I can extend the one in the back to the front.

#375287 +(1400)- [X]

<devils_trombone> Hey wana hear a funny story?
<frogslegs> yep
<Crazed_Cousin_Dougal> does it involve clowns and ninjas?
<devils_trombone> no.
<devils_trombone> Last wknd, me and sum mates were down at the pub, and we see this guy looking pretty pissed.
<devils_trombone> Anyway, we hadn't drunk much, so we decided to be good people and drive this guy home.
<Crazed_Cousin_Dougal> was he a clown/ninja?
<devils_trombone> So we helped him up, and he fell over. Then we tried dragging him out and he kept falling over.
<devils_trombone> So we drove him back to his place, and knocked on the door, and this woman answers (presumably his wife) and is all like: "Thanks boys, but where's his wheelchair?"

#375296 +(34)- [X]

<tomato> So Chris, you blew bubbles as a kid?
<Chris> yes tom i did
<tomato> Well Chris he just called, he's looking for you

#375340 +(2410)- [X]

(mistersandman) aw pee
(mistersandman) they require you to register it on the internet
(X_Stickman) well with your 100% perfectly legal copy i'm sure you have no objections
(mistersandman) oh of course not i just.. dont have an internet connection

#375581 +(1130)- [X]

DaLady Firestorm: hm... nother random question: if you could do one video game character, who would it be
DerBrystar522666: now that is a tough cookie
DaLady Firestorm: :-P
DerBrystar522666: First thought is Max Payne
DaLady Firestorm: lol
DerBrystar522666: second thought is Justin from Grandia. Or maybe Roman from Armed and Dangerous
DerBrystar522666: another thought is the Master Chief
DaLady Firestorm: so, I ask which video game character you'd have sex with, and all your choices are men... :-P
DerBrystar522666: oh... shit!
DerBrystar522666: I read that one completely wrong

#375968 +(392)- [X]

* fido2 ponders his next move
<@Doody> Queen to knight four?

#376045 +(128)- [X]

<[S]Supey|Llama> oogm! britney! toxic! my bro has the best songs!!!!1oneoneone(x, where y=2, and x=y/2)

#376558 +(305)- [X]

<bean> i remember back when irc was different
<unseenn> it still is different

#376673 +(1193)- [X]

<FLoYD>  CHILD: Dad, where did I come from?
<FLoYD>  DAD: Okay, we had to have this conversation some day!.. Listen........
<FLoYD>  Dad and mom met in a chat room on the net. I set up a meeting with
<FLoYD>  your mom and we landed in the bathroom at the Cyber Cafi. Then,
<FLoYD>  mom did some downloads from dads memory stick and when dad
<FLoYD>  was ready to upload, we discovered that there was no firewall. Seeing
<FLoYD>  that it was a bit too late to cancel, I just carried on doing the upload.
<FLoYD>  Nine months later, the virus appeared!.
<FLoYD>  CHILD: Huh?

#376790 +(9712)- [X]

Mike3285: wtf is a palindrome
MaroonSand: no its not dude

#377215 +(365)- [X]

* Uman sets mode: +vvv Mode6Nine ostrich Raptor|Sleep
* Quits: ostrich (Quit: )
<Uman> So that's how to get rid of ostrich...
<[dZ]Thane> ..
* Uman sets mode: +v [dZ]Thane
* Uman crosses his fingers

#377280 +(382)- [X]

<sheep--> you are in a race.. and you pass the person who is running second, what position are you now?
<exe|> Well... that depends... if you're the right side or not
<FuIru> pass as in overtake, or fall behind?
<sheep--> overtake
<FuIru> then 2nd
<sheep--> heh.. my dad caught be off guard and i said first
<sheep--> he laughed in my face
<FuIru> heh
<exe|> haha
<sheep--> he also said 'what kind of a programmer are you? hahaha'
<sheep--> :
<sheep--> i got pwned by my dad

#377380 +(363)- [X]

<Timelord> I am heading down to Cingular to go punch a CSR in the face.
<Timelord> Later all.
<Tuan> haha
<TacoWork> chip a tooth for me.
<mattsteg_> if you don't get your monthly quota of punches in, they roll over to next month

#377551 +(700)- [X]

<_tail> i stopped beleiving you a minute ago
<Idiot> i'm surprised you believed me at all
<_tail> you started tlaking a minute ago

#377554 +(592)- [X]

<R3Co][L> i really need to reinstall PS
<R3Co][L> fuck knows where ive put my cd
* Ghozt is now known as fuck_knows
<fuck_knows> it's under the clothes on your floor.

#377606 +(1809)- [X]

<Mild> a choose your own adventure hamlet would be nice too
<Mild> To be, turn to page 73.

#377729 +(157)- [X]

*** 10 points awarded to queen_daisy33. 'carb': (1+1+1+2)x2.
jesus_onacracker: haha
queen_daisy33: woo 10 points
queen_daisy33: take that atkins

#377745 +(-158)- [X]

<Moeancurly> i hate wireless internet
<Moeancurly> constant ping tim<eouts
Moeancurly> everytime i reach for my water i get disconnected
<BakerTime361> where'd Moeancurly go?

#377770 +(899)- [X]

<PeterGriffin> He's always playing that awful FFXI game
<PeterGriffin> Maybe when Madden 05 is released and he'll play something else I'll go over regularly again, but I can't see myself hanging out if all I get to do is watch him kill crabs
<Jakeoff> do MMORPGS even qualify as games?
<PeterGriffin> No, they're more like a treadmills that makes you fatter

#377931 +(4974)- [X]

Miyomei2: I had my portable CD player, and took it in the bathroom with me while I went to pee.
Miyomei2: And the second I whipped my penis out, the theme song to 'Rocky' started playing.
Miyomei2: I've never felt more manly than in that moment.

#378029 +(209)- [X]

* Shadowe`shopping has joined #gamesurge
<Shadowe`shopping> listen
<Shadowe`shopping> word of advice
<Shadowe`shopping> NEVER use an electric razor to shave your scrotum
<Shadowe`shopping> christ
<Br34ch> wtf?
<Br34ch> Why?
<Br34ch> Elaborate, please
<Shadowe`shopping> you have no idea how long it took me to get the bleeding to stop

#378041 +(-103)- [X]

NARHDD:My dad once complimented a woman on having a "bun in the oven".
NARHDD:It turned out she wasn't pregnant.
NARHDD:Whoops.

#378393 +(952)- [X]

<The_Slog> you know how a sink trap works?
<Einer> No.
<Einer> I'm a rocket scientist, not a plumber.

#378883 +(1267)- [X]

<Underscore> /part and /quit are sitting on a boat, they weigh a total of 120kg, the moon is at waxing crescent and it is 12 degrees C outside. How much marzipan can a giraffe eat in 10 minutes?

#379015 +(215)- [X]

SlythDra: Thou shalt not rewire the coffee maker to insult the parentage of anyone who uses it.

#381649 +(701)- [X]

N47H4N:I just made an awsome discovery!!!!!!! When you mix Blue and Yellow you get a entirely new color! I will call it Blellow!

#381873 +(710)- [X]

<Kane> I like to play poker with tarot cards...I get a full house and four people die

#382658 +(1803)- [X]

Eberlin: Nothing accelerates windows like a good ol' fashioned 9.8m/s^2

#383093 +(467)- [X]

<Sebastian> My computer is more than a little confused
<Sebastian> My DVD player thinks it's a zip drive . . .

#383342 +(1397)- [X]

<GvL|OCNoy> hey guys, I'm making a hangman game, I need some 7-10 character words
<Boltskee> homosexual
<GvL|BBA> cockbite
<GvL|Ewout_vB> klootzak
<GvL|BBA> metrosexual
<GvL|OCNoy> Man, that was stupid to ask in IRC
<GvL|Ewout_vB> hemoglobin
<Boltskee> lollersexual
<GvL|Ewout_vB> pak5gene
<GvL|BBA> foreskin
<GvL|OCNoy> sigh
<GvL|BBA> rectum

#384101 +(192)- [X]

<linnie> Whats wrong Duncie?
<duncan> not much
<duncan> im reading is all
<linnie> Oh!!!! okay leave you to it!
<duncan> lol
<duncan> "I'm living in a country i hate with people i dont care about in a job im depressed about where the only thing that gives me pleasure is practising giving death to others in the most painful way possible"
<linnie> LMAO
<linnie> where is that from?
<linnie> I like that
<duncan> ...
<duncan> i just made that up
<duncan> its MY LIFE


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