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#372928 +(938)- [X]

Exar Khan 666 : there are certain aspects about me that i want exactly the same in a potential mate and there are things that I would never want her to have
Yesterday Dying : like a penis
Exar Khan 666: I'm talking personality wise but yes that would be at the top of the list

#373090 +(-776)- [X]

<SC_DNO> i was holding the Canadian flag one day, and i jumped into a car...lmao wait a second!
<SC_DNO> THEY'ER CANADIAN, they dont have a flag
<Eric|TheWheelman> sure they do
<Eric|TheWheelman> its a piece of cloth with a leaf on it
<William> You can wipe your ass with both.

#373286 +(1350)- [X]

KaresMexxDWNxx: last night me and tawny were in a car.
KaresMexxDWNxx: she was in the backseat reading a magazine.
KaresMexxDWNxx: and i was infront trying to get some rest.
KaresMexxDWNxx: A cop comes by and ask me how old I am.
KaresMexxDWNxx: i told him that i was 23.
KaresMexxDWNxx: then he asked me how old tawny was.
KaresMexxDWNxx: i told him that she turns 18 in 11 minutes.

#373292 +(974)- [X]

Psychosis555: Dude who's that hot chick in the picture with you?
Psychosis555: The one with the nice tits
Jorden666 Sxe: Dude thats my sister!!
Psychosis555: So?
Psychosis555: I'm not related to her
Jorden666 Sxe: Dude she's 4!!!
Psychosis555: I stand by what I said

#373305 +(1336)- [X]

<annillace> we landed in vegas, and the pilot says
<annillace> "those of you needing wheelchair assistance, please remain seated"

#373397 +(1659)- [X]

<aidan> i'm going to rule when i leave home
<wyki> why?
<aidan> i was concerned about the amount of food in the house
<aidan> i now sit here with four, yes, four peanut butter and jam sandwiches and a glass of milk
<aidan> i could live like this for weeks
<wyki> ahh but when you are living on your own you will need to shop, and then you will be greeted with the problem that has faced many broke young men living by themselves. to buy bread and peanut butter, or to buy condoms and bear
<aidan> why i would EVER buy condoms and a bear is beyond me

#373400 +(59)- [X]

<Androo>haha I got honked at by hot chicks today
<Priest>that was my grandmother and her friends.

#373735 +(301)- [X]

<andyroo> So, whats everyones new years resolution?
<AnimeMan> no more lacking sex
<AnimeMan> 2 times a day minimum
<AnimeMan> what about you andyroo?
<andyroo> With every passing moment, I want to type more gramatically.
<andyroo> I'm just practicing at the moment.
<andyroo> I want to believe that I'm smart, while others think I'm a d#8khead.
<andyroo> Hopefully, now and again an intelligent operator will ban me for this
<AnimeMan> hahah
<AnimeMan> you forgot a period
<AnimeMan> hopefully god doesn't forget to give my gf one

#373736 +(932)- [X]

<AnimeMan> my bed is evil.
<norad> how so?
<AnimeMan> it's a spy.
<norad> how can a bed be a spy?
<AnimeMan> well at night.. it squeeks.
<AnimeMan> It's as if it's telling my mum, "he's masturbating, he's masturbating!"

#373740 +(404)- [X]

* @etelmo gets the RIAA on Merlin for his MP3's
<Merlin> what MP3s?
<@etelmo> They can find anything, even if it isnt there
<@etelmo> they should make em search iraq
<Merlin> haha

#373797 +(1433)- [X]

<Xenecrite> wanna hear a joke?
<Xenecrite> Women's Rights
<Lone_wolf_gurl> you have 5 seconds to start running.

#373798 +(770)- [X]

<Robot> I heard that a lemon is a good contraceptive.
<end_game> yeah mate,
<end_game> i heardit's actually tested to be better protection than a condom
<Robot> Really????
<end_game> yeah. you can't get a lemon pregnant.
<Robot> ahahaha
<Robot> No harm in trying it. Might sting a bit.
<end_game> you or her?
<Robot> She can get her own god damn lemon.

#373955 +(523)- [X]

arabella: you don't wear thongs bcuase they're comfy, you wear thongs becuase your boy likes them.
arabella: it's advertising.
firewalk: in some cases, false advertising.

#374061 +(381)- [X]

<mojo1701> I remember being in class, and the teacher started talking to us about communicable diseases
<mojo1701> our teacher's a real whore
<mojo1701> and she kept on saying to us: "Flies can carry diseases. You don't know where they've been"
<mojo1701> and I looked at her and said, "Then you should stop unzipping so many of them if you don't know where they've been."

#374163 +(558)- [X]

Rob: But I'm not horny.
Tiffany: pretend
Tiffany: girls do all the time

#374239 +(380)- [X]

(@sml) jesus
(@sml) Bizarre & Weird Porn Links < PenisBot... Fetish Bloody pussy pics of teens changing menstrual tampons & pads, + tampon eating. A Sex With a Twist Interesting and unusual porn - midgets, twins, latex ...
(@sml) anytime you think something's too weird to be on the intarweb
(@sml) it is there
(@sml) and pushing >> 85mbit of movie bandwidth, fo sho
(@sml) ugh
(@sml) that's fuckin gross, even for me
(@mamba_X) tampon eating urk
(@mamba_X) way to get your iron i guess
(Blaxthos) only someone who has gone down on his girlfriend after pucking her cherry the night before would think of that
(@Sabboth) or someone who has earned their red wings
(@pachell) that's some fucking filthy shit
(@pachell) i'll fuck a bitch on the rag, but that's about it
(Blaxthos) it was an accident
(Blaxthos) or call it lack of forethought

#374240 +(9)- [X]

20:15 < Nitrocld> FUCK
20:15 < Nitrocld> NO
20:15 < Nitrocld> NOT PORN
20:15 < Nitrocld> I coulda had someone behind me
20:16 < Nitrocld> Bastard
20:16 < acid> lmao
20:16 < acid> hehe
20:21 <@guk> porn is jokes tho
20:21 <@guk> "Well son ... lets have a man to ... holy shit she has big tits"
20:21 <@guk> :D

#374274 +(344)- [X]

<Jesus> oh mean, my underwear elastic thing just came off
<MoonKatz> haha
<MoonKatz> mine's painted on, no elastic to worry with
<MoonKatz> although, the way the paint is flaking, I've been considering updating to aluminum siding
<Jesus> aluminum siding?
<Jesus> jesus, your underwear is more classy than my home

#374277 +(286)- [X]

Demonic: .............  Whoah, this conversation just took the offramp into Pervert Pike, going a good 80 mph even.
Demonic: Not that I'm entirely against such a happening.
YRS: niehter am I
YRS: lol
YRS: I could go for a good hentai right about now
Demonic: Good ole hentai, glossing over Japan's major social problems since 1946.

#374313 +(1616)- [X]

jdayish: what do you think of bush and kerry
perfectblue_halo: the movie trailer for Aliens Versus Predator comes to mind... "Whoever wins, we lose."

#374317 +(2)- [X]

MuffinMn626 [9:58 PM]:  FUCK PEOPLE
MuffinMn626 [9:58 PM]:  i jsut got fucked over
Jin Iz Back [9:59 PM]:  what happened this time
MuffinMn626 [10:01 PM]:  bah
MuffinMn626 [10:01 PM]:  you no faustina right?
MuffinMn626 [10:01 PM]:  well like, she signed on
MuffinMn626 [10:01 PM]:  and she told me that she liked me at the end of the year
MuffinMn626 [10:02 PM]:  so im like "wow..thats really cool, im flattered"
MuffinMn626 [10:02 PM]:  and we got all talkign and shit
MuffinMn626 [10:02 PM]:  then she sigend off randomly
Jin Iz Back [10:02 PM]:  ...
Jin Iz Back [10:02 PM]:  uh huh
MuffinMn626 [10:02 PM]:  she jsut signed on right now..and i said "hey, why you sign off so suddnley last night?"
MuffinMn626 [10:02 PM]:  she siad "i wasnt on last night..my cousin was..why?"
MuffinMn626 [10:02 PM]:  AOIRNOAFOAWN FUCK
MuffinMn626 [10:02 PM]:  damnit
Jin Iz Back [10:02 PM]:  ROFLMAO YOU GOT SERVED
Jin Iz Back [10:02 PM]:  HOLY SHIt

#374339 +(482)- [X]

<_rev> in fact, i've gotten further with my sister than anyone i know

#374364 +(477)- [X]

insane_elmo88: sometimes i get serious anal pressure
insane_elmo88: and i'm not sure if it's fart or shit
insane_elmo88: and sometimes i just gamble, not knowing if i'm gonna rip a humonguous fart or defecate my pants
insane_elmo88: so far i haven't lost
weaselmaster07: rofl
insane_elmo88: i've shit my pants every time :p
weaselmaster07: roflmao

#374385 +(207)- [X]

<brokenpodium> dude im about to talk to some kid from my high school that tried to kill himself when he got drunk
<JaaLin> thats fucked up
<brokenpodium> im going to ask if he wants to get hammered with me

#374400 +(260)- [X]

<DeathPool> You know that internet culture has reached its peak when the first comment on a news post about an ape that walks upright is: HILARY DUFF APE SEX!

#374404 +(1491)- [X]

<EggdropBot> {MoxQuizz} The question no. 24 by OllyPomm is:
<EggdropBot> (Sport) What sport do the following terms belong to - "Toucher & Dead Length"?
<liz> ouch, my boobs hurt
<EggdropBot> {MoxQuizz} liz solved after 5 seconds and now has <5> points (+1) on rank 3.
<EggdropBot> The answer was: Lawn or Indoor Bowls
<Reuven> Say what?
<liz> what?
<Ken> whaaaat?
<Ken> how...did...she...do...that?

#374422 +(138)- [X]

tavilach: i could just block you now
tavilach: and never
tavilach: talk to u again
tavilach: but no
tavilach: i need help with samba
CzarDerivative: you asshole

#374451 +(1128)- [X]

<barnaby> TheMage: jess was hinting that i should ask her out :/
<TheMage> barnaby: ask ExZippo for advice.
<ExZippo> barnaby: Punch her in the tit.
<TheMage> barnaby: or not.

#374464 +(861)- [X]

lonelychic0190: WHY DO BOYS LIKE RECIEIVING ORAL BUT THEY DONT LIKE GIVING GIRL ORAL
Goat Desecration: BECAUSE WOMEN CAN'T TALK WITH A DICK IN THEIR MOUTH

#374475 +(1880)- [X]

<@Kukuman> this fundrace.org site lists people near you who have made contributions to a presidential candidate
<@Kukuman> looked up my zip code
<@Kukuman> 4 people contributed to bush/republicans
<@Kukuman> something like 35 people contributed to democrats
<@Kukuman> oh and all 4 of the people who contributed to bush are retired!
<@philc> you spelt retarded incorrectly

#374531 +(52)- [X]

<coffee4me> Tazers are killing old people and crack heads
<Joeytgstk> And/
<Joeytgstk> ?

#374544 +(182)- [X]

<Vartia> by the way... reading the entire review for doom on pcgamer... I could not find why they really gave it 94%
<eldeerk> you want to know why they gave it 94? they are all giddy school girls sat infront of the screen gooo "ooooh doom 3, think he'll ask us to the prom, he so dreamy"

#374570 +(660)- [X]

<radar> been in the middle of a shag when the g/f's friend called... I just slowed down, and stated teasing her button... 
<Lashanna> lol
<radar> meanwhile, my g/f was saying, "Hmmmm! yeeeessss...." and "Thaaat's goood"
<Lashanna> lol
<Lashanna> she didn't hang up?
<radar> no... and it took about 10 minutes for her friend to work out what was goin
no... and it took about 10 minutes for her friend to work out what was going on... then she kept listening
<Lashanna> lol
<Lashanna> so what was the friend doing?
<radar> after a while, she was singing along 
<radar> closest I've got to a threesome

#374577 +(201)- [X]

sugarat: how to tell if you're a nerd - subtract the number of boyfriends/girlfriends from the number of computers you've owned.  if you're left with a positive number, you're a nerd.
LordWork: lol
ltcolumbo: I'm not a nerd, I'm a geek
SPLURGE: whew
SPLURGE: im not a nerd
SPLURGE: you know
SPLURGE: i really am a nerd
SPLURGE: that test sucks
SPLURGE: i wonder if hookers count
ltcolumbo: can i just call you a "john"?
SPLURGE: i suppose you could
SPLURGE: but the girls i have sex with are too ugly to be paid for it

#374691 +(376)- [X]

<ashp> cogito ergo sum
<Phallus> libido ergo sum
<Phallus> i'm horny therefore i am

#374695 +(95)- [X]

<Yo-DUH_87> next gen is here, but it isn't mature enough for me yet
<Yo-DUH_87> the pci express motherboards and etc
<M[at]> heh, micheal jackson should use that excuse

#374708 +(521)- [X]

<Tweeder> No, I love my Mac. It's aweseom!
<Tweeder> It's everything I want in a computer
<Tweeder> ...but I haven't been able to find any good IRC progs for OSX
<quade> how the fuck are you on irc then?
<Tweeder> I'm using my boyfriend's PC

#374734 +(327)- [X]

<Kool-Afk> Man, I had the greatest day at work today
<DigitalGnome> how so?
<Kool-Afk> some guy offered me a joint to clean his gutters
<Air|LordOfNUTs> wtf
<DigitalGnome> sweet, i had a great day too. I offered some low life to clean my gutters for a joint

#374746 +(351)- [X]

14:51 <@phoniq> so these guys have three kenyans, three indians and an egyptian
14:51 <@phoniq> and they're gonna behead one every 72 hours
14:52 <@phoniq> and their pictures are available
14:52 <@phoniq> so i think i'm gonna make a website where you can vote for
                which one should get it first
14:53 <@phoniq> see if it's possible to make the news
14:53 <@arp> damn
14:54 <@arp> Survivor: Iraq
14:54 <@phoniq> that's f***n' wrong, right?
14:54 < bean_tmt> ... can i laugh?
14:54 <@phoniq> i dunno
14:54 <@phoniq> i think a kind of shocked choke is the appropriate response

#374762 +(214)- [X]

<Disco_Stu> The Iraq conflict is our business and we will straighten it out.
<Disco_Stu> you have to sit there and take it.
<Disco_Stu> if you want our help when we are good, then you have to take our shit when we aren't
<marble> love the sinner, hate the sin
<esch> You don't stop loving your wife because she gets fat, do you?
<marble> esch: my husband stopped loving me when I got fat. people are rotten. what's your point?
<esch> marble: That you were probably annoying.

#374773 +(468)- [X]

<E-Claire> So how can I help?
<Mochomi> I just wanna know how to get on well with my bf, y'know?
<E-Claire> Ah. Well, I recommend you make him feel as good as he thinks he is...try laughing at his little jokes.
<Mochomi> And if he doesnt tell funny jokes?
<E-Claire> Laugh at his little penis.

#374795 +(326)- [X]

<Xira> I seriously hope ATi catches up with nVidia
<Xira> (read: OpenGL)
<ByronT> I seriously hope my wife is in good mood tonight.
<ByronT> (read: sex)

#374797 +(275)- [X]

<+div0> hm... if an infinite number of monkeys typed like wild on typewriters... how many would be arrested for copyright violations?
<@CCFreak2K> Exactly half of them.
<@CCFreak2K> Even if that means half of a monkey is arrestred.
<@CCFreak2K> So be it.
<@CCFreak2K> This world's an asshole.

#374798 +(423)- [X]

<Outsyder> they fell for the "look gulliable isn't in the dictionary!"
<Outsyder> and they tried to find it
<Outsyder> but they couldn't spell it

#374822 +(769)- [X]

Becca: find a penny pick it up all day long you'll have good luck
Matt: yeah... but
Matt: if you throw the penny at someone
Matt: it's funny

#374848 +(1131)- [X]

<Torgina> so wtf is up with mirc saying I have 7days left?
<Azathoth> It's the tape you watched.

#374855 +(338)- [X]

[anigirl82] my friend found out he was allergic to latex the first time he had sex
[Sil<3rium] o.o
[anigirl82] it sucked because he had been with his girl for like 3 years..and they had been waiting
[Sil<3rium] oh noo
[Urbal T] that is...wrongery
[Sil<3rium] yeeeeeeees
[blue><3dge] talk about a night he'll never forget! hahahah! ... ha... ha... ow...
[blue><3dge] that poor man's wang

#374858 +(176)- [X]

<Irish_GothDragon> he just figured out spiders have no genitalia
<Aryn> yes they do
<Irish_GothDragon> no they dont
<Aryn> yes they do
<Irish_GothDragon> they have orafices for fluid transfer
<Aryn> err, good to know
<Irish_GothDragon> the female rubs her tail sac over the orafice to get the sperm.. no real sex occurs
<GlassRain> wtf
* GlassRain exits
* Quits: GlassRain
<Aryn> it sounds very dirty, that's how I know it's real sex
<Irish_GothDragon> hey.. I'm a biology major
<[PR]Swift|ZzZzZ> that mean your getting turned on?

#374880 +(304)- [X]

(Deranged): Having my right hand as a girlfriend is the best relationship I've ever had.
(Deranged): It's always up for threesomes, it'll never cheat on me.
(Deranged): And best of all, I don't have to talk to it after sex, because I don't know sign language.

#374930 +(606)- [X]

<Duo> i love it when youve been drinking for a while
<Duo> and you think youre completely sober
<Duo> but then you stand up and you're like, "oh there it is"


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