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#363821 +(1356)- [X]

<neo_alex> stop arguing you fucks
<enz0> Maybe it's YOUR mum
<spandrick_doll> fuck you
<spandrick_doll> you just cant haxk it
<spandrick_doll> *hack
<neo_alex> that does it, im creating characters of you in The Sims and im gonna make you have a gay marriage

#364005 +(1576)- [X]

Spreadursunshine: wow you werent online all yesterday
EinhanderMKII: Yeah I was out doing things PRODUCTIVE
Spreadursunshine: omg! its a breakthrough
Spreadursunshine: like what?
EinhanderMKII: fixing my internet

#364046 +(1601)- [X]

<TriPa^> my mother is a cleaning fanatic
<TriPa^> one Saturday she told me and my brother to get down to the playroom and straighten it up
<TriPa^> we had a party there the previous evening, and she was none too happy about the mess
<TriPa^> as she watched us work, it was clear that Mom was completely dissatisfied with our cleaning efforts and let us know it
<TriPa^> finally my brother, exasperated with having to do it all over, reached for a broom and asked Mom:
<TriPa^> can I use this, or were you planning to go somewhere?

#364176 +(860)- [X]

<sunfish>I stopped a rape in the city last night
<Donnyman>How'd you do that
<sunfish>Simple I stopped following her.

#364339 +(2296)- [X]

<rhyno> okay
<rhyno> I must be losing my mind
<rhyno> I just walked to the PJ station
<rhyno> because I can't find my car keys
<rhyno> and they were right fucking here an hour ago
<DaemonX> pj station?
<rhyno> yeah
<rhyno> gas station
<rhyno> but the thing was
<rhyno> I was going there to get gas
<DaemonX> without your car?
<rhyno> and I couldn't find my keys
<rhyno> so I just thought "I'll walk"
<rhyno> go all the way up there.. and I'm like "wtf was I going here for.."
<rhyno> "OH YEAH! DUMBASS!"
<rhyno> then walked back
<DaemonX> ... i can't even comment on that

#364341 +(2343)- [X]

<@reflir> also, my harry potter sex bot arrived
<@reflir> err
<@reflir> I mean boxed set

#364587 +(952)- [X]

<@HndlWCare> I just got email from postmaster@adelphia.net telling the mailbox for postmaster@adelphia.net is over quota, and if I feel this message is in error I should reply to postmaster@adelphia.net

#364676 +(1295)- [X]

<philosophiliac> lol this arvo some guy started quoting the 2nd amendment at a teacher after knocking some crow out of a tree
<MissBitch> hahahahaha
<philosophiliac> with a shoe
<MissBitch> ...
<philosophiliac> seriously he goes
<philosophiliac> "the 2nd amendment states that all citizens have the right and obligation to bear arms"
<philosophiliac> "and shoes"
<MissBitch> lol
<philosophiliac> "we made it very clear to those terrorists that we would tolerate no more attacks"
<philosophiliac> and lockie here just got shat on"
<philosophiliac> we have decided it is time to attack with neccessary force to show the crows that we mean business"
<MissBitch> lol
<philosophiliac> if they hit us"
<philosophiliac> we hit back
<philosophiliac> HARD
<philosophiliac> with whatever comes to hand
<MissBitch> im holding my nose so i dont burst out laughing here
<philosophiliac> and we cannot be held responsable for a war they started
<philosophiliac> in the war on crowism, ur either with us
<philosophiliac> or ur against us
<MissBitch> hahahahahahaha
<MissBitch> thats just so hilarious
<philosophiliac> oh yeah
<philosophiliac> the teacher was in hysterics
<philosophiliac> but the guy got a detention neway
<MissBitch> hahahaha
<MissBitch> oh well
<MissBitch> woulda bn worth it!
<philosophiliac> yeah
<philosophiliac> we were basically on the ground we were laughing so hard
<MissBitch> hahahahaha
<philosophiliac> and he didn't crack up once
<philosophiliac> and as the teacher leads him away he goes
<MissBitch> if i didnt want to wake my parents, id b killin myself laughin
<philosophiliac> "u can lock me up, but this war is a neccessary one"
<MissBitch> oooooooooooooh
<MissBitch> lol
<philosophiliac> "and one that will be contnued by freedom loving students with shoes everywhere"

#364782 +(6970)- [X]

<Pahalial> "ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge" - Charles Darwin
<kionix> wtf? begets isn't a word. quit trying to make up words, fuckface.

#365072 +(9215)- [X]

<xxxGirlygirlxxx> Thank you for listening to me.
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> You know your a really good listener.
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> Sweety please say something.
<Sandaedar> Ok I'm back.

#365264 +(1544)- [X]

Alh4zred: You know, I realized something.
GenduShini: You love me?
Alh4zred: I'd rather play games than have sex, you know why?
Alh4zred: Think about it.
Alh4zred: During sex, you have to please TWO people.
Alh4zred: Or more.
GenduShini: because Games last more than 10 minutes
GenduShini: err
GenduShini: that too
Alh4zred: AND
Alh4zred: In a game, if you're not doing well, someone just goes "fgt" or something
GenduShini: and you just go "my current PC sucks" or "It's an off day"
GenduShini: But in the sack...
Alh4zred: In real life, you have some chick (in my case) that goes "Are you a faggot? That sucked"
Alh4zred: You can't blame a bad orgasm on lag.
Alh4zred: Dude.
Alh4zred: You can't.
Alh4zred: "I faked all those orgasms"
Alh4zred: "stfu i was pinging 300"

#366119 +(199)- [X]

<kungtotte> Probably have back-logs from hell at bash. Geeks on IRC are like those one million monkeys with typewriters
<[moose]HuBBa> with less intelligence though :)

#366266 +(1231)- [X]

<Emperor> Oral sex is when you talk dirty, dumbass

#366903 +(1057)- [X]

<neverrain> omg i went outside
<neverrain> i havent been outside in weeks
<neverrain> it was.....freaky
<c7r> nerd
<Axis100> I can usually determine the last time I went outside by using /systemuptime.
<Axis100> 6 days, 28 mins and 16 seconds

#367188 +(679)- [X]

<Schitz02> its microsoft. they don't have bugs
<Schitz02> they have unpublished features
<Qooiii> like the function office calls randomly called void Randomly_Crash_And_Delete_Document(void)
<Schitz02> right, just like that one
<Qooiii> i wish they had at least made it predictable
<Qooiii> like the paperclip guy could pop up and say
<Qooiii> "it looks like word is going to crash. would you like to save your document?"

#367567 +(492)- [X]

<x`fearless> whoever's turn it is says like "never have I ever done this..." and if you've done it u gotta drink
<x`fearless> omg some girl was like never have I ever had anal sex and 3 girls at the table drank I'm like OMGOMGOMG

#367755 +(1447)- [X]

<SPLURGE> bitch tells me i got a drinkin problem
<SPLURGE> i tell her she has an ugly problem and im tryin to make it less obvious
<SPLURGE> we dont get along so well after that

#367808 +(6172)- [X]

*** Zeron is now known as you
* you farted.
* you sigh in frustration.
* you lose
* you suck at life
*** Wildfyre is now known as our
* Goblin_Leecher thinks you need a life
* our conversation is entirely too weird
*** Goblin_Leecher is now known as we
* we are going stir crazy
* you are going a little too far
* our laughter fills the offices nearby.
* you are fired.
* we need new jobs
* you agree
* you wonder when this madness will end
* we are not sane
* you are correct
* our sanity has left?
<Talathar> you know...if a sane person were to walk in here...they'd be very very confused right about now...
* you are one with the matrix.

#367871 +(612)- [X]

[LoTek] my girl bleeds a lot.
[LoTek] like, for 5 or 6 days
[LoTek] that cant be normal.
[Dissembler] wow, you should take her to the vet.

#367884 +(726)- [X]

(+sok|puppet): i loves my cereal
(+Harri): i'm hungry
(@Zaphod): Yeah, cherios should be just about the right size for you to 'love' as much as you want
(+Harri): now i'm not

#367896 +(9026)- [X]

<Fashykekes> Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."

#368251 +(1260)- [X]

Titanium_Dragon> Hey everyone
Titanium_Dragon> I had a revelation today
Titanium_Dragon> Everyone knows that more intelligent creatures (humans, dolphins, chimps, ect.) tend to have sex for fun
Titanium_Dragon> But some people believe that sex for any reason but procreation is wrong
* Titanium_Dragon never put two and two together

#368691 +(668)- [X]

<cmdline> 1010100110001001
<cmdline> 101101
<nystagmus> yea i know.
<nystagmus> tell me about it.

#368808 +(10733)- [X]

<@David> Yay I get laid today! Been a month.... needing it by now
<@Sony> ...........
<@David> Only a few hundred pounds but its better than nothing
<Malpine> Thanks for the info
<@David> eh?
<@David> damn i meant PAID
<@David> I get PAID today
<@David> dammit

#368878 +(905)- [X]

iamnotavirusbot: hi friend, check out my new profile: http://jsc.uk.uy/progs/admin/virus.exe
iamnotavirusbot: what do you think?
iamnotavirusbot: ops i got to go by
Natural Defiance: What are you a f-in retard?

#370001 +(983)- [X]

<}813-Error{> i ask a question in #perl and get RTFM and they go back to talking about metallica...
<}813-Error{>  d  Match digit character <that would be numbers right?
* C4 knows nothing of perl
<modem> same here :/
<modem> ask in #metallica

#370251 +(362)- [X]

<Ashen> NP: [bangles - eternal flame.mp3]
<Ashen> k, i feel really gay right now
<Ashen> NP: [Lords Of Acid - Show Me Your Pussy.mp3]
<Ashen> there we go

#370253 +(1001)- [X]

<ScasE> You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo.

#370601 +(750)- [X]

< segphault> command line interfaces, and convoluted keyboard shortcuts I
             have no problem with.... but the childproof cap on the advil
             bottle... its my arch-nemesis.

#370812 +(2130)- [X]

EndOfForever: So, how do you like being a jew?
AvatarOfPirate: It's ok.
EndOfForever: What's speaking hebrew like?
AvatarOfPirate: It's ok. It's hard to read though. There aren't any vowels expressed in it. You have to.. sort of figure it out. It's like...
EndOfForever: Talking to people on AOL?

#370931 +(458)- [X]

* nufan Is a GENUIS
<nufan> oops

#370933 +(1317)- [X]

<GinjaNinja> Your momma is so fat, she gets -8 to her AC.

#370939 +(476)- [X]

<Psyche> hi
<steve_> sobering up yet?
<Psyche> no
<Psyche> im still drinking
* ecks sets mode: -o Psyche

#370987 +(433)- [X]

<+Synista> so
<+Synista> I downloaded this fly fishing movie
<+Synista> since I need to learn how to cast properly
<+Synista> turns out it was a pr0n movie called fly fishing

#371438 +(2759)- [X]

* ^haksor^ has joined #pipari
<^haksor^> anyone have a serial for Soldier of Fortune 2???
<tiltti> Y34H-R1GH-TYOU-N3RD-4SS
<^haksor^> thanks

<^haksor^> not enough letters in that???
<tiltti> try adding -H0L3 to the end of it
<^haksor^> ok

#371444 +(2303)- [X]

<Christina> *kisses back* I love you
<Josh> I love you too babe
<Christina> I take off your pants, sliding my hands up your thighs, watching your cock get hard.
<Christina> That's what he said to me
<Christina> I was like "Wtf dude? One, I'm a chick and two what the hell?"
<Christina> And he was like "Oh shit, wrong conversation"
<Josh> ...
<Christina> Oh shit, wrong conversation

#371808 +(515)- [X]

<MoF0-> hmm
<MoF0-> why has nortons said all my keygen are " at risk files"
<Blaqeagle> because norton is like that schizophrenic kid at school who
            keeps on yelling out in class shit about flying cows or
            something when your trying to do your work
<Blaqeagle> occasionally he actually yells out something coherent, but
            you suspected it anyway

#371868 +(857)- [X]

<TheShadowHunter> I won three purple hearts once
<Wildcard|Comicing> ...no you didn't. You were just playing Zelda.
<Wildcard|Comicing> You really need to adjust the color on your TV
<TheShadowHunter> oh
<TheShadowHunter> I guess that couldve been it

#371960 +(2671)- [X]

<@Lerou> Lag makes baby Jesus cry.
<@TempusRob> pssh
<@TempusRob> talk about lag
<@TempusRob> it took him 3 days to respawn

#371989 +(804)- [X]

<SkyJammer> I need a cute girl to give me a neck massage.
<shellspark> What about a semi-attractive monkey?
<SkyJammer> No.
<SkyJammer> A cute girl.  Human.
<MousePad> Your standards are way too high.
<SkyJammer> Your standards are way too low.
<shellspark> Perhaps, but I bet he gets his neck massage

#372012 +(1092)- [X]

<mysticsick> Merc- last night, half my family was drunk and walking into shit.  It was great to hear my 65 year old aunt say 'I didnt run ito that wall, motherfucker jumped out at me'

#372048 +(399)- [X]

(FireballX301) this dude says that we need a nation's consent to bomb it
(FireballX301) whoo
(FireballX301) The Iraqi government, he added, was "fully informed" about the attack on Falluja, the latest of several bombings against suspected safe houses for Mr. Zarqawi's militants, and he said it "agreed with us on the need to take action."
(FireballX301) "The point is, we didn't just act on our own," Mr. Armitage said. "A sovereign nation had to agree."
(FireballX301) so basically...
(FireballX301) Germany: Lets invade France!
(FireballX301) France: Help us Britain!
(FireballX301) Britain: Hey, Germany, can we bomb you?
(FireballX301) Germany: No.
(FireballX301) Britain: Oh well, sorry France.

#372065 +(423)- [X]

<Max2645> Now my kid is all pissed off, and she won't even let me talk to her, see her, or even touch her.
<Piggah> yes, sometimes you have to feed them candy

#372174 +(2115)- [X]

<frogger> does anone know of an algorithm to generate random numbers in an increasing sequence?
<JubJub> Use the Pullit-Hofften method
<frogger> what's that?
<JubJub> Just ask cheesy how many times he's masturbated today
<CheeseZone> 11, why?

#372240 +(-166)- [X]

<bahumat1> my mother is a cleaning fanatic
<bahumat1> one Saturday she told me and my brother to get down to the playroom and straighten it up
<bahumat1> we had a party there the previous evening, and she was none too happy about the mess
<bahumat1> as she watched us work, it was clear that Mom was completely dissatisfied with our cleaning efforts and let us know it
<bahumat1> Finally my brother, exasperated with having to do it all over, reached for a broom and asked Mom:
<bahumat1> can I use this, or were you planning to go somewhere?

#372434 +(1593)- [X]

<MR_T> I miss the good old day when you had to pull down the girls pants to see her ass
<MR_T> Nowdays you have to spread her ass to see her pants.

#372636 +(1206)- [X]

<Bonz> Paracelssus couldn't get a clue if he were drenched in clue pheromones, dancing in a clue field in the middle of clue mating season, wearing a clue suit, and shouting, "Clooo! Cloooo!"

#372643 +(-93)- [X]

<mac5> my mom threw away all the computers i've taken apart
<mac5> but
<mac5> i saved the processors
<Neomonkey57> ...
<mac5> a pentium 2 and..what i think is a pentium 3
<mac5> it's got all those little spikey things on the bottom

#372853 +(412)- [X]

[RainWind] what's the point of a big pipe if you can't get any uptime?
[RainWind] that appliest to both sex and downloads mind you

#372880 +(795)- [X]

<SS_Gogeta_27> you know how people put 'wash me' on cars in the dust?
<Zorak> yeah?
* ChanServ sets mode: +v SS_Gogeta_27
<+SS_Gogeta_27> when we came out from the movie my friends car said 'i wish my wife was this dirty'

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