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#309123 +(595)- [X]

<dDG> Wait... what the hell
<dDG> There's this NASCAR all-star thing on
<dDG> and there is rap for background music
<dDG> NASCAR and rap music...
<wc16> rofl
<dDG> The terrorists have won

#309195 +(1142)- [X]

dee: mute do you ever talk
mute: No, I never say a word.
dee: why
mute: I think you missed the joke there, dee.
dee: what do you mean
mute: ...nevermind.

#309198 +(740)- [X]

«single_14yrold_male» any1 wanna cyber? im almost 16

#309208 +(434)- [X]

<fetus> Hooters- "Chicken tastes better with a boner."

#309343 +(1712)- [X]

<TheShadowHunter> I wish I wore an eyepatch
<TheShadowHunter> itd give me that air of mystery that the ladies find irresistible
<Saria> Ahahaha
<Saria> Wtf
<Saria> Yeah, eyepatches totally up teh sekz0r fact0r
<TheShadowHunter> psssh you say that now
<TheShadowHunter> but wait till youre milling around at a party
<TheShadowHunter> and all of a sudden the doors open and I walk in wearing a tux and an eyepatch
<TheShadowHunter> and people gasp
<TheShadowHunter> and an uncomfortable buzz fills the room as people try to return to their former joviality
<TheShadowHunter> "I heard he lost that eye defending an orphanage from a killer!"
<TheShadowHunter> "I heard he lost it deep in the amazon!"
<TheShadowHunter> "Hes so mysterious!"
<TheShadowHunter> "So sexy!"
<TheShadowHunter> and all the ladies would want me
<TheShadowHunter> till I tell them I was running with silverware and stabbed myself in the eye with a fork

#309397 +(13009)- [X]

<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you shit on the floor, and you can hear it fall but you have no idea where it actually landed, and spend like 5 minutes looking for it
<peng> ...
<peng> what?
<VolteFace`> oh shit
<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you DROP shit

#309732 +(1102)- [X]

* Inthesto can imagine this dialogue.
<Inthesto> "He's ill."
<Inthesto> "You mean he's dope?"
<Inthesto> "No, I mean he's sick."
<Inthesto> "So he's cool?"
<Inthesto> "NO I MEAN HE IS NOT PHYSICALLY WELL HE IS DISEASED"
<Inthesto> "oic"

#310023 +(378)- [X]

<t-f-i> An officer in the U.S. Naval Reserve was attending a conference that included admirals from both the U.S. Navy and the French Navy. At a cocktail reception, he found himself in a small group that included personnel from both navies.
<t-f-i> The French Admiral started complaining that whereas Europeans learned many languages, Americans learned only English. He then asked, "Why is it that we have to speak English in these conferences rather than you speak French?"
<t-f-i> Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: "Maybe it is because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies, and Americans arranged it so you would not have to speak German." The group became silent.

#310216 +(1526)- [X]

<Anime-Sama> While most people ask themselves "WWJD" (What Would Jesus Do), I've decided to turn to the more appropriate "WTGML," which is an acronym for "Will This Get Me Laid."

#310362 +(887)- [X]

splibob: I think we have a conflict of interest
jenneh: what's that?
splibob: me not being interested in talking to you

#310380 +(355)- [X]

<Rapala> i'm not sure if i'm supposed to go to work tonight
<Rapala> so i'm gonna sit here and see if they call
<DrunkOM> sounds like a plan
<Rapala> there are 2 others doing it as well, and the best way to be wrong is to be wrong in a group
<HFM> the best way to be wrong is to find out it's really not your kid..

#310385 +(855)- [X]

<peebles> how about a new low CARB diet
<peebles> No Cheney
<peebles> No Ashcroft
<peebles> No Rumsfeld
<peebles> No Bush
<peebles> And forget about the Rice.

#310549 +(237)- [X]

<james>once when I was at work at a cafe a man came in and ordered 3 'cappucini'
<morg>haha
<james>I asked him if he would like a biscotto to go with that

#310706 +(529)- [X]

<SoberIRL> my gf is getting her tongue pierced soon :D
<Drewtetz> you can finally find out what it'll be like to have a rod and two balls in your mouth!

#311282 +(859)- [X]

( l008com) Hey does anyone know how David Blaine levitates?
( LoganCale) There are two ways.
( LoganCale) One way he's on a cable and they digitally edit it out.
( l008com) no he's on ABC thats not cable

#311375 +(2478)- [X]

<DigDug> ....
<ogw-iii> ...
<Denshuu> ..
<silicon> all excellent points

#311502 +(1258)- [X]

<SvinX> whats the file in /etc that controls the profile?
<k> /etc/profile ?
<SvinX> .. i realise i didnt word that very well
<SvinX> yea could be it
<SvinX> thx
<shiftyphil> what's the tool you use to shovel dirt?

#314704 +(1076)- [X]

<Knuckleskin> i know someone here who was sent to prison cos he had nunchucks in the boot of his car
<Swiss_Cheese> holy shit, over there ur cars have boots?!
<Swiss_Cheese> ours have wheels

#314712 +(1347)- [X]

(@JH) you know you can get stuff engraved on an iPod? I was thinking about this..
(@JH) RIAA v. JH - Exhibit A

#314798 +(1074)- [X]

<@Shai`tan> Know what the best part of pirated software is?
<@Shai`tan> the cool songs that play in the cracking programs

#314921 +(295)- [X]

CianMTF: So... i was like on this site
CianMTF: "unprecedented computer recovery techniques!"
ShateredLifetime: "We use different hammers to find out which one makes it work"

#315042 +(3388)- [X]

<sexor> I went shopping last night at like 1am. the place was empty, and this old woman, just making polite convertation, said to me: "where is everyone??".
<sexor> I replied: "In bed, same place you and I should be!"
<sexor> Took me ten minutes to figure out why she gave me a dirty look

#315118 +(634)- [X]

InaGreendase: he got arrested...
InaGreendase: for sexually harrassing himself..
InaGreendase: yes, himself.
InaGreendase: he was looking in a mirror or something and saying to himself
InaGreendase: "You're so sexy, you bitch...i wanna fuck you so bad...you'd look even hotter if those pants were tighter.."
InaGreendase: and that dorm's RD was watching the whole time

#315298 +(582)- [X]

<Mr`Death> Hey Queued, know of an easy way to reduce speaker noise?
<Boinger69> turn down the volume?

#315336 +(207)- [X]

Dave: I support R. Kelly.  I saw the video, and that bitch wanted it. The theory is, if the girl is walking in the mall without her parents.. like alone or just with friends... then she's ready to get some dick.
Banderon:  Dave, look!  Those 12 year olds don't have a parent with them! Go! Go!

#315489 +(478)- [X]

<Woodsman> im waiting for duke nukem forever to come out
<Phoenix> Damn, now that's patience.

#315517 +(787)- [X]

<tHEMiDENS> ok, anyone got their list sent to fbi ?
<fyre> i have the fbi with me now
<fyre> we're watching shrek 2

#319249 +(1600)- [X]

<Zeta7> I'll just avoid downloading porn
<Zeta7> heh
<pkeffect> :D
<Zeta7> that's where the viruses come from usually
<pkeffect> just like in real life

#324098 +(513)- [X]

(+fresh27) Before beginning Instant Maya, you should have a working knowledge of your computer's operating system. You should know how to use a mouse.
(+fresh27) i wonder how many people are trying to learn maya
(+fresh27) but then they get disappointed when they find they have to learn how to use a mouse first

#328175 +(745)- [X]

Scrodule: i have an interesting obesrvation
ezeerB: ?
Scrodule: if you swing your finger by your ear really fast, you get this very low sounding "wfff" noise
Scrodule: hmm, that sounded more profound while i was thinking about it

#328236 +(666)- [X]

(@timbaker) man
(@timbaker) today
(@timbaker) me and my fiencee got in a big ass fight
(@timbaker) and almost ended things
(@timbaker) but then we got back together and i takled her into letting me watch her shave her pussy

#328376 +(504)- [X]

<arpit> hmmmm; msn news : mtv launches gay network
<arpit> I thought they'd been doing that since day 1....

#328464 +(12403)- [X]

SparTacus (rulimbaww@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #santcuary
*SparTacus is now known as Betty_Guns
wacko Jacko (lbeedy@1C57684.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #santcuary
<wacko_Jacko>ok spartacus just came n here i know it. which one of you is that loser?
<hunney> I am spartacus
<ji_pper>no im spartacus
<Betty_Guns>I am spartacus
<mistr andersn>I’m spartacus
<wacko_Jacko>ur all freaks thats what u r

#328881 +(602)- [X]

blingbling30012: ugh a photo of my happy family
blingbling30012: ...
blingbling30012: WITHOUT ME...
dannyericci: that's why they're happy

#328886 +(1354)- [X]

fuj1m0t0x: i fractured my wrist
Firehawk18: what you do?
fuj1m0t0x: playin bball
fuj1m0t0x: fell from the rim
fuj1m0t0x: my boner was 3 inches in the air
fuj1m0t0x: boner*
fuj1m0t0x: wtf

#328890 +(365)- [X]

<orevo> Hmm...How about Alamo State Bank?
<Alex> ...
<Alex> Why should I trust them with my money if they couldn't even hold the fort?!

#329222 +(766)- [X]

<glix> oh shit... i farted and a little more than air came out.....
<glix> fuck
<glix> anyone who has tips on how to leave the chair without making a mess, msg me ASAP
<cainBoy> lmao

#329292 +(10149)- [X]

<Batty> Euch, rap is just missing one letter. c.
<zeep> rapc?
<Batty> ...
<Batty> Crap you idiot. you put the c on the other end
<zeep> oic
<Batty> Though you could also say it's missing an e
<zeep> wtf is erap?
* Batty bangs his head repeatedly against a wall

#329345 +(1154)- [X]

<Oiseau> I like how word puts my last name as mistake when I type it
<Zig> even word processors know you were an accident

#329373 +(1126)- [X]

<mixi_dk> Im such a perfectist
<mixi_dk> *pefettionist
<mixi_dk> *perfectonst
<mixi_dk> God dammit!
<mixi_dk> perfrecsist
<mixi_dk> OKAY! I give up!
<MikeClassic> Why? perfectionist is easy to spell..?
<mixi_dk> How did you do that?!

#329397 +(545)- [X]

bug: why arent you sleeping now?
dj:i was having wet dreams so i came to see if you were online =D
bug: errr..
dj: i was trying to be romantic......

#329409 +(2348)- [X]

<benja> A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question
asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the
food shortage in the rest of the world?"
<benja> The survey was a huge failure...
<benja> In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
<benja> In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
<benja> In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
<benja> In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
<benja> In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
<benja> In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
<benja> And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant

#329513 +(465)- [X]

<Hi-Nu> My brother is trying to sing tot he opening score of LotR
<Hi-Nu> The problem is
<Hi-Nu> THERE ARE NO FUCKING LYRICS

#329542 +(1956)- [X]

<`Neonjoe`> http://www.weatherunderground.com/
<`Neonjoe`> hardcore
<vigz0r> its too hard to be normal weather
<vigz0r> they had to go UNDERGROUND
<cooter> dude they tell u the independant weather, not the fuckin main stream sellout bullshit weather

#329553 +(1300)- [X]

<Artemius> LONDON — Iran has established what could be the first training center for Islamic suicide attackers.
<Treen> How does one train for a suicide bombing?
<Traveler> It's indoctrination, plus training on how not to detonate prematurely, and how to get your payload safely to where you are supposed to explode. I'd imagine there's a fair amount of "not getting caught" training involved.
<Sketchboy> So a lot like sex-ed?

#329612 +(414)- [X]

This is during a joke where 2-D is acting Japanese in another room

<The_2-D> He said ditto to me, and I said ditto is japanese for truck
<Ten> AHAHAHA
<Ten> TRUCK
<The_2-D> So he will go through the rest of his life telling people ditto is Japanese for truck.
<Ten> lets hope so
<The_2-D> And on my death bed, someone will end up using the word ditto, and someone around my bed will say, "that's Japanese for truck."
<Ten> AHAHAHAHA
<Ten> youll die laughing
<Ten> and no one will know why

#329622 +(625)- [X]

tehsolace: lets cyber
d j n p h a s e: mmmk
d j n p h a s e: you be the girl
tehsolace: ok
tehsolace: im a girl
d j n p h a s e: ok
d j n p h a s e: i have to go take a shit
d j n p h a s e: one sec
tehsolace: O_O

#329767 +(807)- [X]

<ED> I like my women like I like my coffee
<EliteSoldat> GROUND UP AND IN THE FREEZER

#329774 +(-33)- [X]

* Joins: Melissa (java@IRChat-1E088857.prem.tmns.net.au)
<SL69> no you cant have my children im sorry leave
<SL69> ...
* Parts: Melissa (java@IRChat-1E088857.prem.tmns.net.au)

#329897 +(652)- [X]

volume Maxed out: it's fun talking to "suicidal" chicks
volume Maxed out: because they always make the silliest excuses
volume Maxed out: for why they haven't succeeded in their attempts
volume Maxed out: and i give them like
volume Maxed out: every tried and true suicide method
volume Maxed out: including really simple and painless ones
volume Maxed out: and they make up the dumbest excuses
volume Maxed out: like
volume Maxed out: start a car in a garage
volume Maxed out: and sit back
volume Maxed out: and theyre like
volume Maxed out: i dont have a car
volume Maxed out: or
volume Maxed out: my parents wont let me use their car or something
volume Maxed out: and i'm like
volume Maxed out: bitch your gunna die who gives a shit


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