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#303011 +(685)- [X]

<quik-silver> You know, life really IS like a box of chocolates
<quik-silver> A cheap, meaningless gift that noone ever asks for

#303093 +(782)- [X]

<@LoungeServ> For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

#303256 +(613)- [X]

gnabtuls: Ok, so I take this gay Children's Theater class, right?
ch405kn16h7: mhm
gnabtuls: and we have this one Jewish girl in there.
gnabtuls: So, one of the groups is doing "The Stinky Cheese Man"
gnabtuls: and she's playing The Stinky Cheese Man
gnabtuls: and the very first thing to happen in that play is they bake the stinky cheese man
gnabtuls: ala the one jew in my class gets put in an oven and baked

#303329 +(731)- [X]

<[X]> What the fuck? Gwyneth Paltrow named her daughter "Apple". What the fuck is it with celebrities naming their kids weird shit?
<Alex> I'm gonna name my kid Strawberries
<bobik-> Alex, you a dumbass
<Schwert> the kid will kill you ,Alex
<Alex> true :(
<[X]> It could be worse... when I was two or so, and living on an Air Force Base in Utah there was a family living on base whose last name was Cane. Their daughters were Sugar, Candy, and Nova.

#303362 +(1553)- [X]

<Steve> Even "The Magic 8 Ball" is smart, and knows Microsoft Sucks. It says "Outlook Not Good."

#303435 +(-33)- [X]

<TornSoul> what's the difference between a jewish woman and an airplane?
<TornSoul> airplane stops whining when it lands in miami beach

#303790 +(1219)- [X]

<Flamon> women are like hurricanes. When they come, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car

#303797 +(309)- [X]

<Zephyr> Isn't American cheese appropriately named? It's fake and processed, just like America.

#304168 +(637)- [X]

<Justin> What's your sign, baby?
<The_Gevil> Yield

#304502 +(2540)- [X]

<Kanush> it's funny, when I tell someone I'm an insomniac they almost always say "that's odd, I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow" which is odd becuase I don't go around telling blind people "that's odd because I can see perfectly"

#304642 +(1660)- [X]

<Jakosin> what is a .tar
<Rivicen> its used to patch .road files

#304653 +(1443)- [X]

<Lurker> one time my mom fell asleep on the couch, no joke, I switched it to a porn and started fwappin it. I later found out she wasn't asleep
<Lurker> :(
<Dan> your kidding right?
<Lurker> no

#304709 +(-39)- [X]

ShortyMcStupid : Ever hear of Evel Knievel?
ShortyMcStupid : Well I'm going to be a daredevil like him.
ShortyMcStupid : Except I'm going to be Ku Klux Knievel.
ShortyMcStupid : I'm going to try to jump 50 black guys with a steam roller.

#304790 +(-6)- [X]

<phroze> i like the express shirt "Oh her? shes just a friend"

#304808 +(685)- [X]

<CaRlOs``>: who r u ?
<sQuisha>: im squisha who r u
<CaRlOs``>: i would b Carlos...
<sQuisha>: k
<sQuisha>: glad we cleared that up

#304811 +(285)- [X]

<mixedknut> drac killed the chats again
<mixedknut> bastard
<Dracon|s> bah
<Dracon|s> I was the only person other than you chatting
<Dracon|s> as if my terrible punning would drive people away
<GOD|away> <---

#304812 +(1547)- [X]

<rockpapertaxi> so this guy comes to the door
<rockpapertaxi> a jehovah's witness
<rockpapertaxi> and he's like "can i interest you in the word of christ"
<rockpapertaxi> and adam's like "sorry i have to shut the door"
<rockpapertaxi> and the guy goes why?
<rockpapertaxi> and adam's like "our sacrificial goat will get out"

#304879 +(932)- [X]

<NeoSmurf> So there I was waiting for my g/f, when I get a message from some chick wanting to cyber with me.
<Merry> yeah...
<NeoSmurf> I told her cybering is for losers and I didnt want to.
<NeoSmurf> So she tells me to tell her what to do with her pussy.
<NeoSmurf> I tell her to wash it, and she just quits talking.
<Merry> LMFAO!

#304885 +(294)- [X]

<phx> 230-Welcome to Leadtek Research Inc.
<phx> 230-=^.^=
<phx> 230 Anonymous user logged in.
<phx> motherfucking anime smileys
<phx> theyre everywhere
<phx> i mean what is that?
<phx> a dogs head with a iron rod shoved thru its head?
<phx> i guess that explains it, its probably an asian delicacy

#304889 +(650)- [X]

* SamGamgee has joined #O-Gaming
<RavenBUSY> mister gamgee!
<SamGamgee> mister busy
<RavenBUSY> SPEAK FRIEND AND ENTER
<JDski> thats tattooed on my ex's ass

#304890 +(300)- [X]

<Alex> Mosser!
<Alex> heh
<Alex> I've been there
<Alex> always the private bath though
<MrSmartass> Sounds like the Hotel Edison in NYC.
<grue> how did I read that as "pirate bath"?
<Alex> is there a fetish you're trying to repress?
<grue> Could be
<grue> I think the mental idea of Keira Knightley in a bathtub is what did it
<grue> "Avast, lass! Prepare to be boarded!"

#304891 +(2249)- [X]

<lyfe> i just don't keep a fucking book with the names of all the girls who've had their dick in my mouth

#304898 +(633)- [X]

xheliox: Did you see that NASCAR has started a literacy program?
linenoyz: no
xheliox: Isn't that like using the KKK to promote civil rights?

#304925 +(292)- [X]

<OtherBill> omg.  It's the meditation mantra of the internet generation.

#305286 +(1345)- [X]

<zzA> You know it's sad when the highlight if your day consists of calling this girl and checking the status of my quote on bash.org
<neon_stocking> i bet its even sadder when both of them reject you
<zzA> Not funny b/c it's true :(

#306020 +(1396)- [X]

<Jericho24.> -=AFK=- I"m not here right now, if you"d like to reach me on my cell phone, buy me a cell phone.

#306669 +(495)- [X]

<E-Claire> We're doing a play in drama.
<A-C> oh yeah?
<E-Claire> Yeah. A play about soviet Russia
<E-Claire> Only we're using household animals. We got the idea from Orwell's animal farm.
<A-C> Will you have Gerbils?
<E-Claire> Nah...he was nazi germany.

#306831 +(1642)- [X]

<Toggan> Hot Threesome looking for 2 more.... send /msg

#307172 +(544)- [X]

<Jaidev> If you want to know what I think about bottled water, what does 'Evian' spell backwards?

#307185 +(1048)- [X]

<BabyBobDole> this bible thumper that used to work at domino's gave me shit about using slang all the time
<BabyBobDole> he was like "you're so good with linguistics, why do you say stuff like that?"
<BabyBobDole> i was like "it's called colloquialism, BITCH"

#307358 +(644)- [X]

<Arctic_Wolf> My friends parents bought him the nice DDR pads so he could lose some weight.
<Arctic_Wolf> He gets in trouble whenever they find out he's bought a non DDR PS2 game.
<Arctic_Wolf> "HOW IS ARMORED CORE 2 SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU LOSE WEIGHT, WONG?"

#307376 +(810)- [X]

<mehonae128> Was ist den der Fahrplan fur zwei?
<mehonae128> what is the time table for 4?
<mehonae128> 1,4,8,12,16,20
<mehonae128> or
<mehonae128> eins,vier,acht,zwolf,sechzehn,zwanzig
<Seppel> 1 is not on the time table for 4.
<mehonae128> 4 time 1 is 1
<Seppel> You're an idiot.
<mehonae128> anything times 1 oh wait

#307385 +(1813)- [X]

<passagero> i'm romanian man,i have 18yers old and try to found some one who want to have a relation sheep with me

#307625 +(400)- [X]

<Duo> I paint stripes on my pc, and it makes me feel it can go faster

#307977 +(981)- [X]

<Black> Half-Life II!
* Black falls to his knees.
* enderak unzips
* Black worships
<WizzoMaFizzo> :S

#308049 +(1247)- [X]

<Baloogan> girls who give blowjobs are fucked in the head

#308143 +(359)- [X]

Retrace: so what is she?
Retrace: a .073 or a 10.0000000001
cryptic: shes like an 8
Retrace: whoa
Retrace: wait....a internet 8 or a real world 8?

#308150 +(542)- [X]

-!- Chellez has joined #help
<Chellez> where can i get programs?
<ferret> Chellez: The internet.
<Chellez> does this program have cervers?
<ferret> Chellez: The internet has servers.
<Chellez> how do i access them?
<ferret> Chellez: By pointing a web or ftp browser at them, usually.
-!- Chellez has left #help
<ferret> Another user helped o/

#308160 +(1139)- [X]

<T|gz> Ya know, it'd be kinda cool to taste with your hands like flies...
<t-f-i> ....
<T|gz> You can just stick your hand on someones food, and you can taste it.
<t-f-i> Have fun, guess you'll have to give up masterbation.
<T|gz> Oh fuck, nm.

#308197 +(377)- [X]

(%b0x) there used to be this song by Genesis that said "Jesus knows me, and he knows I'm right."
(%b0x) apparently though, i used to go around singing "Jesus knows me, and he knows I'm white!" when I was 5 rofl

#308207 +(251)- [X]

<jrk> who the fuck would pretend to be a lawyer?
<jrk> i want to pretend to be a porn star.
<Ipsa> hey a lawyer fucks more people than a pornstar ever will :)
<Ipsa> I fuck people all day
<jrk> true.  but you're the ron jeremy of law.
<jrk> not everyone has your prowess.

#308267 +(505)- [X]

(Damage|rysny) whats the difference between michael jackson and acne?
(tkd-cod|enm1ty) dunno, what?
(Damage|rysny) acne waits till 13 to come on your face.

#308569 +(925)- [X]

<Bopo> 10mbit <-
<@swelt> thats nice for you, and we are all glad you brought it to our attention
<@swelt> we admire your amazing connection, and assume that your penis is proportionally large too
<@swelt> we can only hope to attain such large connections (and genetalia) ourselves

#308626 +(661)- [X]

<jxl> MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FILTHY WHORES.

#308674 +(189)- [X]

<@sxh> anyone got links to the nick berg vid?
<@D1> nick berg is hilarious.
<@D1> whats the video about?
<@D1> oh wait, thats nick cannon

#308708 +(602)- [X]

<J-Mart> ok
<J-Mart> this is the sickest thing ive ever heard
<J-Mart> this girl that ive been friends with for a long time
<J-Mart> she got plastered last night
<J-Mart> so she starts laughin and told me that she did something really embarassing and she got grounded
<J-Mart> so im all like "whats wrong babe"
<J-Mart> and she hesitated
<J-Mart> and what came next i would have never guessed
<J-Mart> shes like "i took a poop in my closet"
<wc16> ...rofl
<J-Mart> and i didnt know what to say so i hung up
<kirbster> wtf.... rofl
<J-Mart> then she called back and said she was sorry and not to tell anybody
<J-Mart> so i promised i wouldnt
<J-Mart> then she was like "maybe the dog did it"
<CJinx> rofl
<J-Mart> SHE BLAMED IT ON THE DOG COME ON
<[SG]> roflmao
<J-Mart> and i stare at her ass all the time!

#308766 +(393)- [X]

<xPinkyx> Nate, did you know my hand is part of an indian tribe called Slapaho?

#308940 +(903)- [X]

<Jessicaaa> :| well thats disserpointing
<Jessicaaa> anyone do the iq test thing on bbc1?
<Jessicaaa> i got dumb this year :'(
<Neodymium> I knew that from the minute you typed 'disserpointing'

#308953 +(1693)- [X]

<Trust> How fast is a 486?
<Archon> dude, a 486 is 486mhz
<Archon> thats why its called a 486 you dumb fucking newb

#308977 +(165)- [X]

<Fandang0-> whats that band that the lead singer looks like Val Kilmer?
<thaRuler> the doors?


Start -10 < 329-330-331-332-333-334-335-336-337-338-339 > +10 End
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