#303011 +(687)- [X]
<quik-silver> You know, life really IS like a box of chocolates
<quik-silver> A cheap, meaningless gift that noone ever asks for
#303093 +(781)- [X]
<@LoungeServ> For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
#303256 +(613)- [X]
gnabtuls: Ok, so I take this gay Children's Theater class, right?
gnabtuls: and we have this one Jewish girl in there.
gnabtuls: So, one of the groups is doing "The Stinky Cheese Man"
gnabtuls: and she's playing The Stinky Cheese Man
gnabtuls: and the very first thing to happen in that play is they bake the stinky cheese man
gnabtuls: ala the one jew in my class gets put in an oven and baked
#303329 +(732)- [X]
<[X]> What the fuck? Gwyneth Paltrow named her daughter "Apple". What the fuck is it with celebrities naming their kids weird shit?
<Alex> I'm gonna name my kid Strawberries
<bobik-> Alex, you a dumbass
<Schwert> the kid will kill you ,Alex
<Alex> true :(
<[X]> It could be worse... when I was two or so, and living on an Air Force Base in Utah there was a family living on base whose last name was Cane. Their daughters were Sugar, Candy, and Nova.
#303362 +(1556)- [X]
<Steve> Even "The Magic 8 Ball" is smart, and knows Microsoft Sucks. It says "Outlook Not Good."
#303435 +(-32)- [X]
<TornSoul> what's the difference between a jewish woman and an airplane?
<TornSoul> airplane stops whining when it lands in miami beach
#303790 +(1220)- [X]
<Flamon> women are like hurricanes. When they come, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car
#303797 +(308)- [X]
<Zephyr> Isn't American cheese appropriately named? It's fake and processed, just like America.
#304168 +(639)- [X]
<Justin> What's your sign, baby?
#304502 +(2540)- [X]
<Kanush> it's funny, when I tell someone I'm an insomniac they almost always say "that's odd, I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow" which is odd becuase I don't go around telling blind people "that's odd because I can see perfectly"
#304642 +(1661)- [X]
<Jakosin> what is a .tar
<Rivicen> its used to patch .road files
#304653 +(1444)- [X]
<Lurker> one time my mom fell asleep on the couch, no joke, I switched it to a porn and started fwappin it. I later found out she wasn't asleep
<Dan> your kidding right?
#304709 +(-38)- [X]
ShortyMcStupid : Ever hear of Evel Knievel?
ShortyMcStupid : Well I'm going to be a daredevil like him.
ShortyMcStupid : Except I'm going to be Ku Klux Knievel.
ShortyMcStupid : I'm going to try to jump 50 black guys with a steam roller.
#304790 +(-5)- [X]
<phroze> i like the express shirt "Oh her? shes just a friend"
#304808 +(689)- [X]
<CaRlOs``>: who r u ?
<sQuisha>: im squisha who r u
<CaRlOs``>: i would b Carlos...
<sQuisha>: glad we cleared that up
#304811 +(284)- [X]
<mixedknut> drac killed the chats again
<Dracon|s> I was the only person other than you chatting
<Dracon|s> as if my terrible punning would drive people away
#304812 +(1548)- [X]
<rockpapertaxi> so this guy comes to the door
<rockpapertaxi> a jehovah's witness
<rockpapertaxi> and he's like "can i interest you in the word of christ"
<rockpapertaxi> and adam's like "sorry i have to shut the door"
<rockpapertaxi> and the guy goes why?
<rockpapertaxi> and adam's like "our sacrificial goat will get out"
#304879 +(933)- [X]
<NeoSmurf> So there I was waiting for my g/f, when I get a message from some chick wanting to cyber with me.
<NeoSmurf> I told her cybering is for losers and I didnt want to.
<NeoSmurf> So she tells me to tell her what to do with her pussy.
<NeoSmurf> I tell her to wash it, and she just quits talking.
#304885 +(295)- [X]
<phx> 230-Welcome to Leadtek Research Inc.
<phx> 230 Anonymous user logged in.
<phx> motherfucking anime smileys
<phx> theyre everywhere
<phx> i mean what is that?
<phx> a dogs head with a iron rod shoved thru its head?
<phx> i guess that explains it, its probably an asian delicacy
#304889 +(651)- [X]
* SamGamgee has joined #O-Gaming
<RavenBUSY> mister gamgee!
<SamGamgee> mister busy
<RavenBUSY> SPEAK FRIEND AND ENTER
<JDski> thats tattooed on my ex's ass
#304890 +(301)- [X]
<Alex> I've been there
<Alex> always the private bath though
<MrSmartass> Sounds like the Hotel Edison in NYC.
<grue> how did I read that as "pirate bath"?
<Alex> is there a fetish you're trying to repress?
<grue> Could be
<grue> I think the mental idea of Keira Knightley in a bathtub is what did it
<grue> "Avast, lass! Prepare to be boarded!"
#304891 +(2250)- [X]
<lyfe> i just don't keep a fucking book with the names of all the girls who've had their dick in my mouth
#304898 +(635)- [X]
xheliox: Did you see that NASCAR has started a literacy program?
xheliox: Isn't that like using the KKK to promote civil rights?
#304925 +(293)- [X]
<OtherBill> omg. It's the meditation mantra of the internet generation.
#305286 +(1346)- [X]
<zzA> You know it's sad when the highlight if your day consists of calling this girl and checking the status of my quote on bash.org
<neon_stocking> i bet its even sadder when both of them reject you
<zzA> Not funny b/c it's true :(
#306020 +(1397)- [X]
<Jericho24.> -=AFK=- I"m not here right now, if you"d like to reach me on my cell phone, buy me a cell phone.
#306669 +(497)- [X]
<E-Claire> We're doing a play in drama.
<A-C> oh yeah?
<E-Claire> Yeah. A play about soviet Russia
<E-Claire> Only we're using household animals. We got the idea from Orwell's animal farm.
<A-C> Will you have Gerbils?
<E-Claire> Nah...he was nazi germany.
#306831 +(1643)- [X]
<Toggan> Hot Threesome looking for 2 more.... send /msg
#307172 +(545)- [X]
<Jaidev> If you want to know what I think about bottled water, what does 'Evian' spell backwards?
#307185 +(1048)- [X]
<BabyBobDole> this bible thumper that used to work at domino's gave me shit about using slang all the time
<BabyBobDole> he was like "you're so good with linguistics, why do you say stuff like that?"
<BabyBobDole> i was like "it's called colloquialism, BITCH"
#307358 +(643)- [X]
<Arctic_Wolf> My friends parents bought him the nice DDR pads so he could lose some weight.
<Arctic_Wolf> He gets in trouble whenever they find out he's bought a non DDR PS2 game.
<Arctic_Wolf> "HOW IS ARMORED CORE 2 SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU LOSE WEIGHT, WONG?"
#307376 +(813)- [X]
<mehonae128> Was ist den der Fahrplan fur zwei?
<mehonae128> what is the time table for 4?
<Seppel> 1 is not on the time table for 4.
<mehonae128> 4 time 1 is 1
<Seppel> You're an idiot.
<mehonae128> anything times 1 oh wait
#307385 +(1815)- [X]
<passagero> i'm romanian man,i have 18yers old and try to found some one who want to have a relation sheep with me
#307625 +(401)- [X]
<Duo> I paint stripes on my pc, and it makes me feel it can go faster
#307977 +(982)- [X]
<Black> Half-Life II!
* Black falls to his knees.
* enderak unzips
* Black worships
#308049 +(1248)- [X]
<Baloogan> girls who give blowjobs are fucked in the head
#308143 +(359)- [X]
Retrace: so what is she?
Retrace: a .073 or a 10.0000000001
cryptic: shes like an 8
Retrace: wait....a internet 8 or a real world 8?
#308150 +(541)- [X]
-!- Chellez has joined #help
<Chellez> where can i get programs?
<ferret> Chellez: The internet.
<Chellez> does this program have cervers?
<ferret> Chellez: The internet has servers.
<Chellez> how do i access them?
<ferret> Chellez: By pointing a web or ftp browser at them, usually.
-!- Chellez has left #help
<ferret> Another user helped o/
#308160 +(1140)- [X]
<T|gz> Ya know, it'd be kinda cool to taste with your hands like flies...
<T|gz> You can just stick your hand on someones food, and you can taste it.
<t-f-i> Have fun, guess you'll have to give up masterbation.
<T|gz> Oh fuck, nm.
#308197 +(376)- [X]
(%b0x) there used to be this song by Genesis that said "Jesus knows me, and he knows I'm right."
(%b0x) apparently though, i used to go around singing "Jesus knows me, and he knows I'm white!" when I was 5 rofl
#308207 +(252)- [X]
<jrk> who the fuck would pretend to be a lawyer?
<jrk> i want to pretend to be a porn star.
<Ipsa> hey a lawyer fucks more people than a pornstar ever will :)
<Ipsa> I fuck people all day
<jrk> true. but you're the ron jeremy of law.
<jrk> not everyone has your prowess.
#308267 +(506)- [X]
(Damage|rysny) whats the difference between michael jackson and acne?
(tkd-cod|enm1ty) dunno, what?
(Damage|rysny) acne waits till 13 to come on your face.
#308569 +(926)- [X]
<Bopo> 10mbit <-
<@swelt> thats nice for you, and we are all glad you brought it to our attention
<@swelt> we admire your amazing connection, and assume that your penis is proportionally large too
<@swelt> we can only hope to attain such large connections (and genetalia) ourselves
#308626 +(663)- [X]
<jxl> MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FILTHY WHORES.
#308674 +(190)- [X]
<@sxh> anyone got links to the nick berg vid?
<@D1> nick berg is hilarious.
<@D1> whats the video about?
<@D1> oh wait, thats nick cannon
#308708 +(604)- [X]
<J-Mart> this is the sickest thing ive ever heard
<J-Mart> this girl that ive been friends with for a long time
<J-Mart> she got plastered last night
<J-Mart> so she starts laughin and told me that she did something really embarassing and she got grounded
<J-Mart> so im all like "whats wrong babe"
<J-Mart> and she hesitated
<J-Mart> and what came next i would have never guessed
<J-Mart> shes like "i took a poop in my closet"
<J-Mart> and i didnt know what to say so i hung up
<kirbster> wtf.... rofl
<J-Mart> then she called back and said she was sorry and not to tell anybody
<J-Mart> so i promised i wouldnt
<J-Mart> then she was like "maybe the dog did it"
<J-Mart> SHE BLAMED IT ON THE DOG COME ON
<J-Mart> and i stare at her ass all the time!
#308766 +(394)- [X]
<xPinkyx> Nate, did you know my hand is part of an indian tribe called Slapaho?
#308940 +(904)- [X]
<Jessicaaa> :| well thats disserpointing
<Jessicaaa> anyone do the iq test thing on bbc1?
<Jessicaaa> i got dumb this year :'(
<Neodymium> I knew that from the minute you typed 'disserpointing'
#308953 +(1694)- [X]
<Trust> How fast is a 486?
<Archon> dude, a 486 is 486mhz
<Archon> thats why its called a 486 you dumb fucking newb
#308977 +(166)- [X]
<Fandang0-> whats that band that the lead singer looks like Val Kilmer?
<thaRuler> the doors?