#294105 +(791)- [X]
<Otakutard> Dude... if you put the words "I want to have sex with you until the sun goes down." into a translator, and translate it into Dutch, then back to english
<Otakutard> it comes out
<Otakutard> I want slaughtered with you have to the sun decrease.
<Otakutard> Kinky dutchlanders
#294137 +(390)- [X]
<Bubbaprog> my posters came from the museum of modern art
<Bubbaprog> three huuuge art prints, magritte and miro, for 20 buckls shipped
<Bubbaprog> you should see the giant bazooka they came in
<Bubbaprog> it's like a tampon applicator for rosie o'donnell
#294158 +(1257)- [X]
* kipton is listening to cute gay boy jacking of in his underwear :: 13s
<kipton> the description is misleading
#294724 +(383)- [X]
<Tigwa> how funny would it be if you got held-up by a tshirt ninja
<Tigwa> 'can you describe the man?' 'errr....well he looked like he had a ninja hood made from a tshirt, was very pale and thin, and kept yelling i will haxx0r j00'
#294744 +(726)- [X]
<@Aeriana> University union elections next week, there's this candidate
<@Aeriana> Her poster is like...
<@Aeriana> It says "people + vision = change"
<@Aeriana> I'm thinking.....
<@Aeriana> It doesn't equals change, it will return a data type mismatch.
#294869 +(525)- [X]
<Supamoochu> do you know durex have a guaruntee that their condoms will not get people preggers
<Supamoochu> i wonder how they refund
<Flamebird> with a free coathanger
#294908 +(1527)- [X]
<Karnaugh> Nutmeg: are you still sexy?
<Nutmeg> no i lost photoshop
#294926 +(486)- [X]
*** MindWreck (firstname.lastname@example.org) has joined channel #asianpop
11:07 <MindWreck> !list
11:07 <poeham> --- #asianpop :You're not channel operator
11:07 <poeham> :(
11:08 * poeham was ready to kick that time :(
11:08 <poeham> hey you
11:08 <poeham> LEAVE
*** MindWreck has left channel #asianpop
11:08 <poeham> $$
11:08 * poeham is just as effective from the sidelines
#294940 +(2185)- [X]
amandahirst2007 : why is it that when you ship something by car it's called shipment and when it's shipped by boat it's called cargo
Vincent_Valentine9 : Cargo is simply a term to describe something held on a ship, plane, truck or train. It has nothing to do with what the cargo is actually used for. The "Shipment" is an item being moved, it got it's name because back in the day, before cars, ships and boats down rivers and oceans were the main form of travel.
Vincent_Valentine9 : When Planes, trains and automobiles began to be used, the term simply carried over.
amandahirst2007 : ur stupid. asl?
Vincent_Valentine9 : ..........
#294947 +(1028)- [X]
Terron: I told him I was sick
Terron: He was all like.. bullshit you're not sick
reddkin26: So how'd you get off of work yesterday then?
Terron: I said, "I'm fucking my sister, is that sick enough for you mother fucker?"
Terron: I got my final paycheck yesterday
#295020 +(887)- [X]
<Dante> so this cinco de mayo bullshit right
<Dante> all the mexicans go cruising in their lowriders all decked out with beaner crap down a certain avenue here
<Brian> that would be today
<Dante> so when we got off work, an associate and i
<Dante> we went and bought a big fucking french flag
<Dante> and berets
<Dante> and the french national anthem CD
<Dante> and draped the flag over his Charger
<Dante> and cruised with the mexicans wearing berets and blaring the french anthem
<Dante> we got so many bad looks
<Dante> and whenever we'd pull up at a stop light
<Dante> we'd starting talking about pastries and perfum in french accents to the car next to us
#295093 +(720)- [X]
<SCVirus> John Stamos is getting divorced just as the Olsen twins turn 18.
<SCVirus> Coincidence? I think not. I think someone is going to be entering
<SCVirus> the backdoors of two little houses very soon. Harder, Uncle Jesse!
#295538 +(710)- [X]
<snack`brb> You read about that guy on BBC that got 6 nails stuck in him?
<Crips> yea, mustve been a quake 1 addict suffering withdrawal...i bet he had like 1hp left
<Crips> if it was a super nailgun hed be dead
#295862 +(1299)- [X]
<Anomaly> There's this one guy in my comp diag class who I've started holding up a folder or paper or something when I'm talking to him just to get him to look me in the eye
<Zero> boobs: a breasting and a curse
<Zero> a BLESSING and a curse
#295915 +(730)- [X]
<Fiz> i'd rather type than talk to a fucking computer
<Fiz> i feel stupid talking to a computer
<Fiz> talking to the TV is okay, because it talks back
#295932 +(377)- [X]
<Modok> going to England, Germany, Amsterdam, Italy, and then Netherlands
<Numbus> Amsterdam isn't a country it is the Capitol of the Netherlands...
<Modok> It is?
#295991 +(1584)- [X]
<ednometry> what seperates man from the other animals
<fripple> the 401k
<lavalamp> a condom, hopefully
#295992 +(231)- [X]
<@len> someone just asked me how to print half a page
<@len> "do you type in .5?"
#296099 +(2)- [X]
Sonsquidku: You know how people always say "it could be worse"?
Sonsquidku: Could it get worse than the holocaust?
Sonsquidku: Was there a guy going "it could be worse" while they were being fed into the gas chambers?
#296129 +(1266)- [X]
<Hagane> I can squeeze through 5 foot gaps in Crimson Skies.
<Michael> Trouble is you can't do that in real life...
<Hagane> Yeah, but it isn't that hard in the game... So it can't be that hard in real life...
<Michael> It's exactly that type of mentality that drives this country forward.
#296645 +(2249)- [X]
* Mazca just had a singularly scary experience there...
<Ephialtes> what happened Max?
<Mazca> I was just feeling sorry for myself and pissed off about not having a girlfriend, and wondering what I should do to sort my life out...
<Mazca> then my iTunes, AT THAT EXACT MOMENT, started playing "Gay Bar".
#297120 +(1816)- [X]
niteowl7710: When I went to the website to see what the current cover
niteowl7710: And I got a pop-up from Spice.net...offering me (and I quote)
niteowl7710: MONSTER TITS -- THE LARGEST BREASTS ALLOWED BY LAW
enigmamofm: "By law?"
niteowl7710: That sir, is what it said
enigmamofm: There's some sort of regulatory legislature on this issue?
niteowl7710: I'm not sure but I now have a new goal in life
niteowl7710: Figure out how to get a job in the Department of Health & Human Services (makes sense to me)
niteowl7710: In the "Breast Measurement Bureau"
niteowl7710: I'm sorry ma'am but those are just too large, I'm going to have to fine you
niteowl7710: Well yes Ms. I'm sure this does just seem like titty fucking, but I assure you is a valuable tool we use here at the B.M.B.
enigmamofm: You are a credit to you community sir.
#297858 +(1896)- [X]
<%Makoto> How long can a CAT5 cable be, and still maintain a strong signal
* Makoto (WinNT@hidden-60382.we.client2.attbi.com) Quit (Connection reset by peer)
<@Col_Kiwi> a little shorter than that
#298011 +(294)- [X]
<[Crunt]> dammit i thought the rocky horror picture show was on
<[Crunt]> but nooooooooooooooooo
<ha|cyon> it was just family home videos all along?
#298932 +(-49)- [X]
<Jess> r u chatting to her?
<Orestes`> of course I am!
<Jess> u want to start a 3 way?
<Orestes`> I'll probably never hear a girl say that again.
<Orestes`> I'm keeping that.
<Orestes`> and I'll add it to my "Thing's you'll never hear a girl say" archive
<Jess> don't u dare!!!!!
#299277 +(357)- [X]
<Arkangel> If I caught my mom performing at a strip club I'd cheer her on. You know, pay her back for all those times she cheered me on at little league baseball games.
<Arkangel> It's just good karma, ya know?
* [TMBJ]SensoryOverlord makes no little league comments about getting a good grip on your lumber.
<[TMBJ]SensoryOverlord> 'cause that'd be wrong
#299382 +(880)- [X]
milkmanjb2000: We're talking in biology about dominant and recessive genes in reproduction
milkmanjb2000: and I said "I'm white because I have all dominant genes"
milkmanjb2000: and Matt said, "um, actually, black people have all dominant genes"
milkmanjb2000: looks like someone's genes haven't read world history
#299413 +(1812)- [X]
<Simich> omg its too hot here
<Simich> and yes, hot in canada, and no, my igloo is not melting
<Simich> BECAUSE I DONT HAVE ONE
<Rhodz> heh, we dont insult simich about being canadian so he insults himself then lashes out at us
#299663 +(1931)- [X]
<zetec> I don't think it's physically possible to both laugh and ejaculate at the same time.
<zetec> But I plan on finding out.
* zetec is away - midget porn.
#299857 +(92)- [X]
<nherzhul> I never realized how much my penis looks like Barakka from Mortal Kombat.
#300014 +(1425)- [X]
<Evil Steve> Theres an advert in MSN Messenger: "Buy your winning lottery ticket here"
<Evil Steve> I reckon thats false advertising
<Evil Steve> I should buy one then sue them when I loose
<AnonymousPosterChild> I can represent you in court
<AnonymousPosterChild> I got my law degree online
#300288 +(842)- [X]
(+PJx5x) yesterday u said ur so good at math cuz all u do is think about pie
(+PJx5x) u fat piece of lard
(@OCNoy|At|Work) well you just have to think about it in terms you understand
(@OCNoy|At|Work) for example
(@OCNoy|At|Work) SIN pi
(@OCNoy|At|Work) is 0, because, if you sin (make love to) a pie, there's none left to eat
(@SmurfiCus) good way of rember it...
(@SmurfiCus) whats COS PI?
(@OCNoy|At|Work) it's twice a bad because your cousin had sex with the pie
#300381 +(162)- [X]
<MXi>My family never let me feed the dog under the table
<MXi>So one day, I made everyone dog food for dinner
<MXi>I swear you might as well have stapled a sign saying "Hypocrite" to their heads.
#300848 +(-222)- [X]
<Shempo> Fox just interviewed the 8th grade teacher of the American who was bedheaded in Ira.
<Shempo> beheaded in Iraq*
<leg0man> how the hell does that have any relevance at all?
<Zaphod> how the fuck do you interview someone that was beheaded?
#301230 +(2297)- [X]
FecalAlcoholSyndrome> i love how they try to say that homosexuality is a
leading cause of pedophilia
<angie> i think perverts are the leading cause of pedophilia
<h4ck> homosexuality is the leading cause of caring, compassionate men
<sunrinse> sexy children are the leading cause of pedophilia
#301270 +(893)- [X]
<senorperrito> jesus christ my moms a n00b
<senorperrito> she walked into my room and asked what i was doing and i told her i was burning CDs
<senorperrito> she was like do you want me to open a window so u have ventilation?
#301474 +(599)- [X]
<RU5TY> I just called in to work today. I told my boss I had Anal Glaucoma.
<RU5TY> I told him I just couldn't see my ass coming in today.
#301558 +(627)- [X]
<angeles> i really shouldnt take you seriously should i
<hoyhoy> it makes the channel amusing for the rest of us
<angeles> i'm pretty gullible
<hoyhoy> angeles: LET ME START BY INTRODUCING MYSELF PROPERLY , I AM MR. TIJANI YUSUFU CREDIT OFFFICER WITH THE UNION BANK OF NIGERIA PLC (UBA) BENIN BRANCH, I CAME TO KNOW OF YOU IN MY PRIVATE SEARCH FOR A RELIABLE AND REPUTABLE PERSON TO HANDLE THIS CONFIDENTIAL TRANSACTION,WHICH INVOLVES TRANSFERING HUGE SUM OF MONEY TO A FOREIGN ACCOUNT REQUIRING MAXIMUM CONFIDENCE
#301564 +(-135)- [X]
PsychoJ:My views on the new nintendo DS and Sony PSP...
PsychoJ:PSP is like a hot girl with full round C cup breasts.
PsychoJ:Is experienced and has alot to offer for relatively little effort.
Zaheera:And the DS?
PsychoJ:Her flat chested 12 year old sister with a unibrow.
#301595 +(-34)- [X]
<triple> Hi, I'm a GPL virus, please replace this code with a more bloated one!
#301773 +(807)- [X]
<Greg> I think the messaging service is down.
<Terry> I guess we'll have to go to the backup system.
<Greg> Yes. Paper airplanes. With messages written on them.
<Greg> Like right now, I want to talk to Brian.
<Will> His door is closed. It won't work.
<Will> He's in 'Away' mode.
#301783 +(828)- [X]
<dvdman> I was at a wedding yesterday
<dvdman> and i was drinking at like 10am
<dvdman> the bartender told me I know a place you can meet people like your self
<dvdman> I said where
<dvdman> he said at rehab
#301791 +(2269)- [X]
[Turtle] no jamacians capturing any flags on my computer that i know of
#301862 +(2491)- [X]
EightyAngryApes : so I was sittin outside the gas station, at like 11 30 in the morning.
EightyAngryApes : and suddenly this car pulls up and im like woah that looks like my dads car
EightyAngryApes : then out steps my dad, rap music blaring from his speakers and some lady in his passenger seat (not my mom or anyone I know)
EightyAngryApes : and he looks at me and hes like shouldn’t u be in school? n im like shouldn’t u be at work
EightyAngryApes : so hes like this meeting never took place and im like agreed.
EightyAngryApes : then he went in and walked out of the gas station carryin a box of condoms
WattoEXTAO : !!HAAHAHAHA!!!
#301909 +(708)- [X]
ShortyMcStupid: i was looking at pron on the internet
ShortyMcStupid: and the comp froze
ShortyMcStupid: so i just got up and left
ShortyMcStupid: and came back and put my brother's watch on top of the monitor
Meneeococoa: thats funny....
ShortyMcStupid: and my parents kicked him out
#301935 +(1293)- [X]
<Beer^Me> hey guys
<Beer^Me> i need to print stuff from phothsop and it has a lot of White
<Beer^Me> is their a way to NOT print the white?
<Beer^Me> caue the paper is white
#301963 +(7652)- [X]
<lib1790> so, at this college there was an extra credit question "Is hell endothermic or exothermic"
<lib1790> this is what one kid wrote:
<lib1790> First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass.
If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
<lib1790>As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since, there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.
<lib1790> Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.
<lib1790>So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose (i.e.,Hell is exothermic).
<liv1790>Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over (i.e.,Hell is endothermic).
<lib1790>So which is it? If we accept the postulate given by Ms.Therese Banyan during my freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in hell before I go out with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having a relationship with her, the second case cannot be true. Therefore, hell is exothermic.
<lib1790> the kid was the only one who got credit
#301980 +(741)- [X]
<Last_of_the_Brunnen_G> Arafat is in his office, alone, when his bodyguards hear a loud explosion inside his office. Rushing in, they see him on the floor, face bloodied, and they ask, "What happened, Mr. Chairman?"
<Last_of_the_Brunnen_G> "A letter bomb" exclaimed the injured despot. "But a letter bomb would have wounded your hands, not your mouth," replied one of his experienced men. Arafat replies, "I was sealing it."
#302416 +(1158)- [X]
<@Methical> did anyone else hear about the new dual-proc board for low-end AMD processors? it's optimized for playing 80's mp3's.
<@Methical> They call it the Duron-Duron.
#302824 +(2553)- [X]
<crumpiano> i just discovered a revolutionary way to piss off my neighbor
<crumpiano> i can play porn and broadcast the audio out over the frequency of the radio station hes listening to
<crumpiano> he cant tell me to turn it down when its HIS stereo
<MAME> you're an asshole