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#274808 +(-861)- [X]

<[01]-Ex> Did you hear about the new nigger barbie?  It comes with 12 kids, aids, and a welfare check.

#274826 +(6710)- [X]

<aryov> This cake is soooo good
<aryov> it's like sex, except I'm having it

#275061 +(224)- [X]

<The_Capn> Must be a space mummy!
<Card> or, an even more mysterious species
<Card> The species that is so rare, that there is only one left
<Card> and it needs to procreate, so it has come to my bedroom
<Card> Yes, I am talking about the elusive "Your Mom"

#275093 +(-161)- [X]

<destroyer> What does FUBU stand for
<Furious> dunno.. for us by us ?!
<destroyer> Nope!
<furious> Then what does it stand for
<destroyer> Farmers Used to Buy Us
<Juggalo> No it Means Farmers Used to Beat Us
<Furious> Rofl

#275311 +(796)- [X]

<xIHaveRicketsx> I almost got killed by some Asian woman today.
<xIHaveRicketsx> Asians should learn how to fucking drive.
<slamyouinthebutt> But...you're Asian...
<xIHaveRicketsx> I'm more like a banana: yellow on the outside, white on the inside.

#275546 +(1331)- [X]

<zurt> When the moon hits your eye like a big piece of pie that's amor'e......... When you're hit by a jug in a South Auckland pub....... that's a mao'ri

#276636 +(822)- [X]

<Korvus> i found a message in a bottle today
<Korvus> it floated past
<D> what'd it say?
<Korvus> it said: "can you put this in a bin for me please?"

#276774 +(695)- [X]

<ReFFi|Work> I don't like condom's as it is...
<ReFFi|Work> But I use them faithfully
<ReFFi|Work> I don't want to be that statistic, being the one time I didn't wear it, she got preg...
<Aronnyn|Work> Reffi - I have a friend who affectionately calls her three kids pill, condom, and diaphragm. Nothing worked for her ;)
<Endymion> i'd be worried if she calls her fourth one vasectomy

#276955 +(7337)- [X]

<Locke|Away> I found a note in one of my old word .docs that said Note to self: Get revenge on Valvados.
<Locke|Away> Except I couldn't remember what I was supposed to get revenge for.
<Locke|Away> But I trusted my own judgment, so I went with it.
<Valvados> ...
<Valvados> o.o
<Valvados> hmm
<Valvados> i dunno what you were supposed to get revenge for, either
<Locke|Away> I can only assume you got what was coming to you.  Not 100 percent sure, though.
<Valvados> well, whatever i did, i guess i deserved it
<Locke|Away> Let that possibly be a lesson to you.

#277337 +(7175)- [X]

<XnD> Personally its not God I dislike, its his fan club I cant stand

#277461 +(1426)- [X]

<DannyCat> The Fonz playing DDR would be like, him standing there looking cool throughout the song, but not stepping on anything. Then, right as the results screen came up, he'd whack the side of the monitor and it would give him an AAA.

#277759 +(1733)- [X]

(@der-carsten`) tim? no school today?
(@Alucard`) it's saturday...
(@der-carsten`) no, it's thursday
• Alucard` is now known as Alucard`school

#277817 +(1079)- [X]

DANIEL: I found a site called SparePartsWarehouse. Being that I'm stupid, I failed to check ResellerRatings or any such thing. My dad ordered a new keyboard from them. $70, I believe. Two days later it gets here, it's not a keyboard. It's a hinge. No, I'm not kidding. They sent a goddamn hinge.

#277857 +(-270)- [X]

<Vampirate> Wow, I maxxed out the mem card in my camera for the first time today
<Vampirate> My daughters dance team was performing in the state/national dance championships today.

#277906 +(1046)- [X]

ZolaOnAOL: You can't judge a book by its cover.
DrRocksicle: you can if it has no pages

#277959 +(158)- [X]

(+Jimbo1`friends) where did my savior go
(@Monoxide) did you try the hill top?
(@Monoxide) i heard he was hanging around there

#278214 +(1214)- [X]

<FireFox> asshole
* FireFox was kicked by Reaper (i dont like your mouth)
<Reaper> ...
* bob sets mode: +b *!*@3AD5BC55.8E488FF8.273333E5.IP
<Reaper> ...
<Reaper> wait no i didnt kick him!
<Reaper> that was a /me!
* Reaper was kicked by bob (your no longer welcome in this channel)
<FireFox> haha
<FireFox> oops

#278288 +(1871)- [X]

(Thoth) Funniest toilet graffiti this evening: "I fucked your mother!" underneith: "Dad, you're drunk! Go home!"

#278745 +(427)- [X]

Hyp3rHax0r: bah
Hyp3rHax0r: "Quote #278743 is pending moderation."
Hyp3rHax0r: why don't they just come right out and say it
Hyp3rHax0r: "Quote #278743 is pending rejection."

#278755 +(884)- [X]

<Whammo> I lost my virginity to a ham sandwich
<WeblionX> That's not losing your virginity.
<Whammo> baloney

#278790 +(338)- [X]

<kraus> omg, dude i love you in a way that is illegal in most countries.
<pyro> in school i want you to keep atleast a one meter distance away from me. :|

#278797 +(1144)- [X]

<Ownage|Josh[Owner]> Here's your 1st hint: audre_ _______
<jaGuar> !next
<san`> audrey hepbourn
<Ownage|Josh[Owner]> Winner: san` Answer: audrey hepburn Time: 12.219 Streak: 1 Points: 12 WPM: 13 Rank: 7th
<aenima> !
<jaGuar> wtf
<Ownage|Josh[Owner]> 48.  Category: Trivia : What is the square root of -1?
<aenima> googled >.<
<san`> close enough i suppose
<Ownage|Josh[Owner]> Winner: san` Answer: i Time: 1.532 Streak: 2 Points: 13 WPM: 7 Rank: 7th
<san`> WHAT

#279100 +(1219)- [X]

<Rayn> if you had to pick between a compaq and a dell, what would you take?
<Draco> death

#279279 +(1986)- [X]

<Snoper> how do i find the book I want
<Vultar> Type "@find bookname"
<Snoper> "@find bookname"
<Snoper> It didnt do anything. now what do I do ?
<Vultar> Tell your parents that cousins shouldn't marry...

#279357 +(1550)- [X]

<Klowner> I listen to rap now and then, just so I can communicate in case my car breaks down in a scary part of town

#280066 +(1392)- [X]

<Jaeger> whats an oxymoron
<Edgy> Microsoft Works

#280579 +(563)- [X]

<SwiftWrk> so... warcraft 3 in like 2 hours?
<fugimax> so...
<fugimax> my balls in yo' mouth in like 3 hours?
<LockeCole> erm...if I'm available sure
<LockeCole> damn

#280918 +(440)- [X]

<Borgis> I think there's air in the pipes in my house
<Borgis> Every time you turn the tap on, the water heater outside makes this loud 'BBBRRRAAAAPPPPP' noise
<Uric> yea
<Uric> that happened at my old house
<Uric> I dont know what it is
<Borgis> Your old house didn't explode or anything did it?

#280927 +(914)- [X]

<+[GG]Kou> Wow, I was in the bathroom, reading the comic strips, and I came across one I liked, and so I thought "wow I wonder what the score on this one is" and I was expecting something like (894), but instead, it said "Dilbert". :(
<+GPT> wtf is wrong with you... lol
<hi> yeah seriously you fuckin loser who the hell reads dilbert

#280934 +(727)- [X]

Lord High Rikonian:: then they are not truly letting me "have it my way"
Lord High Rikonian:: Because I want my whopper served to me on the stomach of a nubile quivering 19 year old's belly
Lord High Rikonian:: and I want her vagina filled with ketchup for dipping the fries
Lord High Rikonian:: but will Burger King do that? Nooooooooo
Lord High Rikonian:: fucking false advertisements
anastas:: ummm. Rik... that was nasty
Lord High Rikonian:: I know
Lord High Rikonian:: if a company says you can have it your way...
Lord High Rikonian:: then they should let you have it your way
Zerebus:: .....they obviously weren't referring to Lord High Rikonian.
Lord High Rikonian:: well obviously
Lord High Rikonian:: why must I be persecuted so by corporate America?
Zerebus:: because you're one sick bastard

#281238 +(757)- [X]

<seisan> New hacking tool: chocolate
<seisan> A survey of office workers in London found that almost three quarters would reveal their network-access password in exchange for a bar of chocolate.
<Echo|Fox> The same survey also revealed that 84% of male respondants would give up their bank PIN code for a blow job.

#281263 +(848)- [X]

<CloneGamer> dude
<CloneGamer> i just went to put this tape on and its at the bottom of the pile right..
<CloneGamer> so in true table cloth style i yanked it out swiftly
<CloneGamer> also in true table cloth style, it went miserably wrong and like 15 tapes landed on my head
<CloneGamer> and like then my mum come in, wondering wtf the commotion was
<CloneGamer> and like, i was also like a little 'uncovered' cus i was 'polishing'
<CloneGamer> and i see the door move and see her face and covered myself up but my balls were still showing
<CloneGamer> she just looks at me, looks down, looks at the tape, rolls her eyes and walks off
<CloneGamer> i tell you, i aint leaving my room for days :'(

#281421 +(5097)- [X]

mdiym42: note to self
mdiym42: make sure your cat is not sleeping in the bass drum before you start playing them

#281470 +(-157)- [X]

<Cannibal> god damnit
<Cannibal> no one wants to play monopoly with me
<Cannibal> i need to stop getting mad at people and stabbing them when i play that game
<Cannibal> gives me a bad rep
<Hellise> lolll

#281780 +(1401)- [X]

<MrRoboto1024>she said she was hot for me, so i gave her a spare heatsink.
<MrRoboto1024>she didnt seem happy :(
<MrRoboto1024>i just dont understand women.

#281791 +(383)- [X]

<InaneCathode> Oh dear god, i just drank the most vile substance known to man
<|D-X|> pepsi?

#281855 +(1678)- [X]

<TokenBlackGuy> my friend and i were writing l33t notes back and forth in spanish class and our teacher caught us and was like "im gonna read this to the entire class" and stopped and was like "are you two writing in tounges?"

#281967 +(1551)- [X]

<|Chris> i know i'm killing more quotes than i should
<|Chris> just due to the fact that i'm not finding a whole lot of things funny due to my current situation in life
<|Chris> i'm so sad...she took the gamecube man
<|Chris> the fucking gamecube

#281987 +(507)- [X]

<@rakaur> maybe when i get back
<lily> ok well when you're ready call me on the telephone
<@rakaur> well you know i had planned on smoke signals but telephone is ok.

#282032 +(1354)- [X]

<Van> huh. if you inject dye into eggs, when they hatch the chicks will be whatever color you injected
<@Unarmed> similarly, if you inject radioactive compounds into eggs, when they hatch the chicks will rip you apart with their massive talons

#282091 +(2035)- [X]

<Kathleen> wtflolz
<Alex> lololorz
<Kevin> lol]
<Alex> haga
<Alex> 0wneef
<Kathleen> omg y3s.
<[X]> Is this some sort of idiot mating ritual? Should I get the Discovery Channel in here with cameras?

#282096 +(1025)- [X]

<skylift> I think I'm going to flip a coin to decide if I should work today
<skylift> damn
<skylift> I didn't catch it and it fell down the hot air exchange

#282745 +(759)- [X]

seph429: lol 3 weeks ago someone posted a post on this board "I'm looking for some cool things macosx can do" hes bumped it every day since, today he posts
seph429: "OKAY I GET IT, THE OS SUCKS AND UR ALL FUCKS I HOPE YOU DIE"

#282906 +(109)- [X]

<Kiyone> i know you live in australia and everything, but do you know who vanilla ice is?
<reaper> yes
<reaper> he used to be a jazz musician, and became a pornstar

#282982 +(-61)- [X]

#slackware on efnet 4-22-04 12:57 am EST -5.00
<mfbian_> how will you compare slackware and freebsd
<Cheethoe> apples and oranges
<mfbian_> fair enough
<`justin`> slackware = for people that have been molested freebsd = people that want to molest their mothers
<`justin`> openbsd = for people that probably wont ever get molested
<`justin`> netbsd = molesting of all minorities, and cock asians
<mfbian_> how about gentoo
<`justin`> I dont know ask khai
--> biggy (something@1Cust26.tnt1.columbus.in.da.uu.net) has joined #slackware
<`justin`> oh wait I do know
<mfbian_> you don't know anything
--> supergoad (~supergoad@pcp08611785pcs.waldrf01.md.comcast.net) has joined #slackware
<`justin`> mfbian_: gentoo = people that want to molest their mothers, fathers, uncles, aunts, sisters, brothers, dogs, but can't get it up

#282983 +(497)- [X]

* Lexica-chan watches an ep of Yugioh. :)
<[chibi]> how come they can't tell when he magically doubles in size
<[chibi]> "there's something a bit different about him..more...confidence?"
<[chibi]> NO YOU FUCKWITS, HE JUST HIT PUBERTY IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE

#283009 +(375)- [X]

* BldackFlag has joined #twistedmonkey
* BldackFlag changes topic to 'Once you go black you never go back.  Once you go white, that ain't right!'
* BldackFlag has left #twistedmonkey
<Nerje> I wonder if he realises he spelt his name wrong

#283022 +(524)- [X]

<+DEK> i heard oral sex is better than fucking
<%Disarm10> Uh, depends.
<%Disarm10> On what you're in the mood for.
<%Disarm10> 9 times outta 10, a hand job is perfectly fine.
<+DEK> ahh i guess
<+DEK> masturbation works too
<+DEK> it works for me, since my hands are girly and soft
<+DEK> <33
<%Disarm10> >_> I meant getting one, not giving yourself one, but yea =P
<%Disarm10> lol
<+DEK> its fun watching myself in the mirror cuz it looks like a girl is giving me a handjob
<+DEK> but in reality, it is me
<%Disarm10> ...
<+DEK> masturbating
<+DEK> infront of a fucking mirror
* +DEK cries
* You were kicked by Disarm10 (ZOMG)

#283097 +(2194)- [X]

<Sabdo> So I went into my school's band room for the first time today
<Sabdo> Biggest bunch of nerds I've ever met.
<Sabdo> and this one girl walks in, really hot,
<Sabdo> and I swear to fucking god,
<Sabdo> three kids pulled out inhalers

#283329 +(103)- [X]

MUTANT1042: Man, fuck porn spam!
AvariceManifesto: That's the general idea.


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