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#266257 +(1437)- [X]

<rzrblade> Yeah so my therepist told me the other day I had "skeptical realism."
<rzrblade> I looked at him like, "what the fuck?"
<rzrblade> And he says, "yeah i just made that up."

#266572 +(1107)- [X]

<Rjx> they really need to make formatting a laptop easier, for lazy people like me
<Rjx> they could make them like etch-a-sketches
<Rjx> you just turn them upside down and shake them
<Rjx> and BAM, new install

#266832 +(654)- [X]

<vidkid7> he told us about some kid who turned in a render of a hunting knife for his project
<vidkid7> and when he asked to see the wireframe "you sure?"
<vidkid7> "yeah, I need to see it"
<vidkid7> "...ok"
<vidkid7> and he turned it to wireframe
<vidkid7> and had written "I'LL KILL YOU" over and over and over like a thousand times behind the image
<vidkid7> @_@

#267287 +(929)- [X]

Tester Bob> Maybe Scott will get fired if we send really bad things over his company's network
Tester Bob> Porn
Tester Bob> Fuck
Tester Bob> Vagina
Abdullah> "Bush/Cheney in '04"

#267308 +(454)- [X]

<StreetPsychologist> Wow I just met a chick online who lives about 10 miles from me.
<punkpet> and her name is ted
<StreetPsychologist> NERD SEX!
<punkpet> create some nerdlings
<punkpet> when he's born it will be the first and last time he sees female gentalia
<StreetPsychologist> Our geographical proximity is making me thing MARRIAGE already.
<punkpet> lol
<phenobarbital> you might even take a shower today
<HellKat> no computer nerds breeding, next you know we'll have children running about with 20 fingers for more efficent keyboard use and an extra arm for cyber sex

#267317 +(1441)- [X]

* Bobber lights up the crack pipe and takes a hit
* Bobber passes it to Jesus
* Jesus takes a hit
<Jesus> Argh, my dad is gonna KILL me

#267360 +(-46)- [X]

<GL> when I wake_lan each morning
<GL> and the tcpdump beats down on me
<natx> only gnuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu can set you freeeeeeeeeee
<GL> and I know we belong join --input=you --output=me

#267372 +(1490)- [X]

<dizzy[subnova]> A YO WHERE MAH NIGGAZ AT?!
<P_40E> over there
<P_40E> take your stuff with you
<P_40E> never come back

#267657 +(2211)- [X]

<Slap_Shot> scooby doo 2 beat passion of the christ in movie theaters
<LeafsFan> i bet the pope blamed those meddling kids :P

#267722 +(-337)- [X]

<Twizzlers> I wanna become a counsler so i can tell rape victims they asked for it.

#267723 +(1495)- [X]

<Trivbot> 18. áA babyádoctor is aá_________.?
<Smitty> o.0
<Rhodz> fucking fast learner

#268247 +(9190)- [X]

<glacial>  I love school
<glacial>  Today our term paper due date's set
<glacial>  Our instructor says that we WILL hand in the paper on time, and she'll accept no excuses except illness, with a note from our doctor, or a death in the immediate family, with a note from the dead member.
<glacial>  So this wiseass pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"
<glacial>  She waits for the laughs to die down and says:
<glacial>  "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand"

#268485 +(423)- [X]

* Kavey starts talking to the internet in binary
<Alver> 10110101011111010100101011010111010100 Kavey? :)
<gavagai> Alver: watch the language
<Kavey> Alver: how dare you... my mother is a saint

#268496 +(809)- [X]

<FuriousC> my computer is performing more illegal operations than doctor kevorkian

#268587 +(323)- [X]

<XX01XX> PSA: Alcohol based marinades and gas ovens SHOULD NOT BE COMBINED.

#268768 +(1723)- [X]

<ShadowFury-> whats command for new nick name
* ChoBo is now known as gaynamehere
<Whitehorn> '/nick
<gaynamehere> err shit

#268803 +(332)- [X]

<Shark463> hey, did u see stevie wonders new album?
<Chaz> No
<Shark463> neither has he.

#268981 +(2343)- [X]

<neo_alex> my maths teacher who looks like gandalf set us a fucking hard half yearly exam
<neo_alex> i was just expecting him to go "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

#269099 +(1411)- [X]

<p2p> I was reading some thing this morning about a new condom with a built-in vibrator
<shxrobert> oh great the rubber that makes you come as you put the fucker on
<p2p> the downside is you have to shove the AA battery up your ass
<Gollie> downside?

#269152 +(695)- [X]

scykon: nope. no matter what you build with lego, if i build the same with
duplo its guranteed to be bigger, and therefore better than yours

#269154 +(1854)- [X]

<cheerios> LITTLE GOLDEN BOOKS THAT NEVER MADE IT:
<cheerios> 1. You Are Different and That's Bad
<cheerios> 2. The Boy Who Died From Eating Too Many Vegetables
<cheerios> 3. Daddy's New Wife Robert
<cheerios> 4. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
<cheerios> 5. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mommy Stopped Loving Her
<cheerios> 6. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
<cheerios> 7. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
<cheerios> 8. Grandpa Gets a Casket
<cheerios> 9. Strangers Have the Best Candy
<cheerios> 10. You Were an Accident
<cheerios> 11. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
<cheerios> 12. Sometimes Your Nightmares Are Real
<cheerios> 13. And Where Would You Like to Be Buried, Li'l Timmy?
<cheerios> 14. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
<cheerios> 15. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

#269157 +(1431)- [X]

<Tori_ness> Camels may not be able to solve complex mathematical equations
<Tori_ness> But those bastards can still eat your tent

#269180 +(49)- [X]

[ZeroFlaw] I got a better idea for a new cereal, 'GhettO's.' Free brass knuckles in every box. Collect 15 UPC's and get a free boombox!

#269275 +(526)- [X]

<CoryS> You know it's a bad sign when you call ISP support to change some dns servers around and they ask if the ip address you just gave them was a phone number or IP address.

#269314 +(646)- [X]

<fluffy> also, you drastically reduce your chances of getting prostate cancer through frequent masturbation
<fluffy> so I think everyone in this channel is safe

#269849 +(19)- [X]

<@smash> my friends dad is stationed there at one of its borders.. some secret military shit.. but the surprising part is.. canada has a military which does stuff... :P
<+JP2> yeh they get coffee for the american soldiers

#270224 +(3144)- [X]

<omgwtf> did you guys hear about that actress who got stabbed
<omgwtf> reese
<omgwtf> reese something
<Boon> witherspoon?
<omgwtf> no with a knife
<omgwtf> HAHA!

#270571 +(797)- [X]

<dman254> so r we gonna talk about anything that has a point
<jv-home> of course not. :P
<nougatmachine> apparently dman254 is new to irc

#270778 +(294)- [X]

<MrMonster> just a sec, want to see if I can find this video of a guy shooting himself
<tack> that para dice kid?
<tack> the one who shot himself after his gf got on the elevator and left?
<MrMonster> it can't beat the crazy video at ogrish.com where the guy gets his throat cut
<tack> which one?
<tack> the one where he gets his throat slit from behind?
<tack> the one where he's already dead and they had to refilm it??
<MrMonster> he's quite alive
<MrMonster> and the blood is gurgling as he tries to breathe
<slh> ah yes
<slh> the internet
<slh> where else can you have a calm discussion about snuff films at 4 in the morning?

#270825 +(679)- [X]

<Borgis> Sad, but true. The lively, fun loving, highly animated and eccentric borgis you know and love is nowhere near as exciting in the flesh.
<Borgis> Except for the eccentric part.
<Borgis> Andthe fun-loving part.
<Tedious_Toad> That's okay, if I was half as lively as I am on the net in real life I'd be arrested and tried for murder, beastiality, sodomy, indecent assault, masturbation in public AND indecent exposure

#270827 +(228)- [X]

<Karma`> Shit, you know you're in trouble when you find yourself listening to ACDC
<Vast|away> yeh, acdc always sneaks up behind me and starts playing and shit
<Vast|away> fucking annoying
<Karma`> You'd think they would have something better to do eh?

#270829 +(331)- [X]

(making NPCs for D&D)
<Stefanf> Hurrah! I have decided what to spend the remaining 535 gp on!
<Stefanf> The captain of the Stade city guard now owns 267 sheep!
<Neko_Ali> Stefanf: make sure to buy him lots of fantasy bling bling.
<Neko_Ali> Gold plated chainmail.
<Neko_Ali> a solid platinum toasting fork.
<Sutekh> gold plated Bikini
<Stefanf> Diamond-covered ring of protection?
<Neko_Ali> and a totally tricked out low-rider horse with hydraulics!
<Stefanf> lmao!
<Neko_Ali> can't you just see him on inspection parade, bouncing along with his magical music box blaring from the saddle?

#270830 +(1053)- [X]

badboy> hi any chicks from berwick
SaintBloodyMary> I'm from berwick. Let's meet up at your place and have wild kinky
SaintBloodyMary> Should I bring my own handcuffs and lube or are you all set?
badboy> awesome u wanna come over now
SaintBloodyMary> Sure... because I often fuck strangers from online, it's my hobby.
badboy> bring it u want
badboy> awesome u sound real kewl :()
Supreme_101> SaintBloodyMary willing to travel ?
SaintBloodyMary> Supreme_101: It depends, I'm willing to travel 100km's per inch that your penis is over the average length.
Supreme_101> hmmm... looks like im coming to you then :P

#271239 +(468)- [X]

<Shinsa-Chan> somebody talks english?
<KidMorbo> I only speak a few words in english
<Shinsa-Chan> well, don` t worry..tell me anything
<KidMorbo> "I want to fuck you NOW", for example
<KidMorbo> Pero no es algo que se pueda decir para iniciar una conversaciˇn ┐no?

#271263 +(399)- [X]

< gt3> a million people applied for the apprentice 2
< gt3> and you know damn well its just gonna get outsourced to india

#271340 +(952)- [X]

<Logan> oh shit, i just got coffee stains and meatball sauce on this guys grandma's death certificate

#271540 +(872)- [X]

<Seigfried> In other random news, there's a movie based on I, Robot by Issac Asimov coming out starring Will Smith.
<Seigfried> I hear it starts with a 5-minute montage of the cast and crew of the film peeing on Asimov's grave. :P

#271566 +(973)- [X]

<Rokkr> humor's a good thing
<Rokkr> i always said if you're an ugly guy and you want to get laid you have 2 choices..play an instrument or make women laugh
<tack> or rape them
<Rokkr> that's not laid tack, that's assault =p
<tack> hey, you do things your way, i do things mine

#271837 +(384)- [X]

<Daleks|> guys i'm seeking for mid 90's hip hop song
<Daleks|> that going like this "na, na na na na, na na na na na..."
<asterax> ...

#272726 +(2566)- [X]

[brianh] smaller boobs are cool
(Akira1) hmm
[brianh] like the kind that 8 year old girls have
[brianh] 18
[brianh] I fucking meant 18
(Akira1) hahaha

#273386 +(1447)- [X]

<The_Spaniard:> The White House had an egg hunt today after which they had to admit that there were never any eggs to begin with.

#273488 +(777)- [X]

<timmyB> yeah well i intend to live forever
<timmyB> so far so good

#273495 +(834)- [X]

<pizza_biz> greggdogg: parole's over. he had to go back in.
<greggdogg> I figured.
<aLfer> what did he do?
<Dark_Fox> your mom :D
<aLfer> well, i hardly think that would land him in jail.
<Dark_Fox> prostitution is illegal
<aLfer> touche`

#273779 +(699)- [X]

<jestuh>  But fans will have to wait a while for the maverick director to complete his bloodstained trilogy as he won't start filming Kill Bill: Vol 3 until 2019.
<jestuh> wtf
<edit_out> Is he going to breed actors for it?

#273902 +(228)- [X]

<JimAM> I wonder how long before illegal operations really are illegal operations with DRM.

#274037 +(8)- [X]

* Sabdo listens to Meat Loaf - Atkins? I FUCKING ATE HIM

#274153 +(402)- [X]

<KRS922> Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.

#274388 +(2101)- [X]

<otto|sleep> 3.  What is theálongestáriveráináScotland?
<otto|sleep> Here's your 1st hint: t__
<rP^paveway> teh river
<otto|sleep> Here's your 2nd hint: ta_
<rP^paveway> tet
<rP^paveway> tat
<rP^paveway> taq
<rP^paveway> taw
<rP^paveway> tae
<rP^paveway> tas
<rP^paveway> tad
<rP^paveway> tag
<rP^paveway> tac
<rP^paveway> tah
<rP^paveway> taf
<rP^paveway> taj
<rP^paveway> tak
<rP^paveway> tab
<rP^paveway> tan
<rP^paveway> tam
<rP^paveway> cmon...
<otto|sleep> Time's up! The answer was: tay
<rP^paveway> mother of god

#274517 +(1039)- [X]

[@DAWG^] song lyrics containing the word "heart" - replace the word with "arse"
[@Chisler] hmmm, interesting idea
[@DAWG^] for example:
[@DAWG^] Celine Dion - my arse will go on
[@DAWG^] Bonnie Tyler - Total eclipse of the arse
[@DAWG^] Kylie Minogue - Hand on your arse
[@DAWG^] Deee-Lite - Groove is in the arse
[@DAWG^] Rod Stewart - You are in my arse
[@DAWG^] Britney Spears - Deep in my arse
[@Chisler] Eurythmics - there must be an angel playing with my arse
[@DAWG^] w00t ^^

#274554 +(1195)- [X]

<@ITV|VimAtWk> oops
<@ITV|VimAtWk> just heard a kid fell off our local multi-storey car park today
<+chrisss> how high?
<@ITV|VimAtWk> high enough for some natural selection


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