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#255430 +(523)- [X]

<Foobar> livejournal no longer requires referral codes to make a new lj
<Fluster> sweet.  now i can bitch about my life without having friends first.

#255497 +(743)- [X]

<Syl_Aran> my computer randomly got a bios again
<Syl_Aran> i strangely think it happened when the power went out.
<Syl_Aran> i don't fucking understand this thing >_<
<TheHumanCow> yeah, i don't think you do

#255581 +(314)- [X]

<@unfnknblvbl> I love it when Outlook crashes
<@asuma> then you'll always be in love

#255630 +(1412)- [X]

<bullava> I was watching Conan one night and there was a scottish guy on and he was saying that the original kilts where used as a sleeping bag as well as clothing .... and that since the kilt was so heavy scottish warriors would take it off and run into battle butt naked
<BraveFencer> Makes sense.  Exit the world the samre way you entered.  Naked and screaming.
<bullava> and plus whats more scarier seeing a man painted blue and butt naked running at you
<BraveFencer> The above, only with an erection and a bottle of lube in one hand.

#255660 +(2033)- [X]

<ColonelCoroner> Nah, this one's good.  Alright, so it was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day when you died.  The Angel at the gate said to the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died."
<ColonelCoroner> "No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 10th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife half naked. I knew she was fucking some bitch, I glanced out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips!  Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This pissed me off even more. I wanted to kill the fucker! So I unplugged my refrigerator, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 10 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."
<ColonelCoroner> The Angel considers this, and let's him in cuz it WAS a bad day....The next dude comes up, and is asked the same question.  So the dude replies, "But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 11th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I was really pushing hard, and I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, started cussing, and stomps on my fingers. I fell and fucking hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground in shock and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the 10 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly."
<Piro-nuts> rofl...
<ColonelCoroner> So the Angel chuckles, thinks his job is pretty cool, and let's this dude in...the third dude comes up, and again the Angel asks him the same question about how he died.  So the dude goes, 'Okay, picture this, I'm hiding in this refrigerator right..."

#255670 +(-24)- [X]

<Wiku> jmmm
<Wiku> hmm*
<Wiku> fix
<Wiku> doh
<Wiku> vix
<Wiku> man, and I haven't even been drinking

#255674 +(26)- [X]

<Madflojo> jesus christ calm down with the trout slapping in here
<Madflojo> heh maybe it will help if i scroll down before commenting after being idle

#255719 +(2213)- [X]

* om3ga has joined #hangman
<hangbot> Hello om3ga! current game is as follows:
<hangbot> a _ _   _ _ _ _   _ a s _   _   _ _ _ _ _ _   _ _   _ s
<om3ga> all your base r belong to us
* om3ga has left #hangman

#255785 +(466)- [X]

<Salec> how would you go by changing the look of a checkbox in flash?
<SHiZNiT> add a moustache

#255830 +(1503)- [X]

<BobInDaShadows> It's been my life goal to have a quote on bash
<BobInDaShadows> That and to meet somebody from Wyoming.
<Keiser> Why Wyoming?
<BobInDaShadows> Have YOU ever met somebody from Wyoming?
<Keiser> Good point

#255859 +(76)- [X]

<BaD-CooL> for the first time in history, two zombie movies are at the movie theaters at the same time
<BaD-CooL> dawn of the dead and passion of the christ
<BaD-CooL> jesus is the original zombie
<BaD-CooL> then he sucked the brains out of all the dumbass christian faggots

#255909 +(1028)- [X]

Lizerati: So, when it's dark and you're driving past a church, the "Worship 11am" sign looks like "Worship Ham"

#255991 +(2728)- [X]

<TribGuru> How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a light bulb?
<TribGuru> You don't know, man.  You don't KNOW.
<TribGuru> cause you weren't THERE

#256059 +(433)- [X]

<lofty> hello anyone know how to kill 900gb bandwidth in 6 hours?
<Neodymium> Yes
<Neodymium> Give me a shell

#256258 +(281)- [X]

<Spear> what's an american idol?
<Exorcist|iDM> money

#256296 +(407)- [X]

<dave2away> furries are people too! and animals

#256557 +(450)- [X]

<MetaBean> my wifes boobies will be huge soon
<Nobara> ???
<Nobara> She is pregnat, or you are rich?

#256669 +(398)- [X]

<astaroth> the other minor annoyance with this laptop is that the IRDa port keep changing the channel on the TV

#256715 +(1284)- [X]

<MrBump> my irc logs kept me going throughout my 6 months offline
<Lord_Blix> you need to get out more often.
<MrBump> i did, i took printouts

#256732 +(383)- [X]

<CrazyDUMPLING> i treat my women like sUGAR
<Tetsuo> How so?
<CrazyDUMPLING> i put them inbags and lick them
<CrazyDUMPLING> or at least i did until that financially debilitiating lawsuit
<Tetsuo> ...

#256956 +(1107)- [X]

<Firehawk> so, in english class, we had to write this paper
<Firehawk> and my friend wrote in it "I don't like rapping", as in music
<Firehawk> only, when he typed it up, he typoed and it came out "I don't like raping"
<Firehawk> so my english teacher wrote "that's good to know" on his paper

#257016 +(715)- [X]

<JediJawa> So I have this suit jacket and tie on for a speech in English
<JediJawa> I go to sit down and this girl looks towards me and says, "You look cute."
<KageGamer> ...
<KageGamer> A girl actually called you cute?
<JediJawa> I'm all surprised and I say thanks.
<JediJawa> Fortuantely no one heard me say that because she was actually talking to the girl who sits in her line of sight from me. :/

#257265 +(464)- [X]

<allcuishpa> they should do a crossover with tubgirl and goatse
<allcuishpa> "CATCH!"

#257354 +(374)- [X]

LordTwarog: i totally stalked her but only around school
LordTwarog: so it was like "oh, i'm on break too" and not "i see you from the bushes"

#257382 +(2177)- [X]

<Berawler> Is there any sanity or light left in this shrivelled husk of a world?
<SingingDancingMoose> There was, but we had to trade it in for the internet.
<Berawler> That is quite possibly the best response to any question ever.

#257396 +(347)- [X]

<spyderballa> you know back in my day white powder in envelopes was a good thing

#257464 +(1678)- [X]

<Kel> I got in trouble at the Canadian border. The guy said "Do you have any guns or weapons in your vehicle?" and I said "Why? What do you need?"

#257506 +(523)- [X]

<pengwuan> at least ian curtis died doing what he loved
<whitcomb> killing himself?
<pengwuan> precisely

#257646 +(11)- [X]

<dreln> i change my nick alot
<Renski> ah
<Renski> you were on the last bsrf irc too then, I remember some guy say exactly the same thing
<Renski> cant you just choose one and stick with it?
<dreln> no im the unstable release

#257700 +(1559)- [X]

<ManicV> sleeping pills are for pussies
<proto_> No no no, you take these orally.

#257831 +(1738)- [X]

<Bwaa> I tend to do stupid things when I panic
<Bwaa> Like when I accidently poked my friend in the eye, panicked and poked him in the other one.. because it seemed the sensible thing to do

#257863 +(1021)- [X]

<x-horizon> I was reading a magazine at work while my boss came to my office and asked me why I am not working...
<x-horizon> I said "I didn't see you coming, sir"

#257878 +(590)- [X]

<drag0n> Subject: threat level raised
<drag0n> Due to explosives that were found under a rail bed in France, the Chirac government has raised the threat level in France to the second highest level.  The President of France announced that as of 10:00 a.m., the threat level will officially go from "run" to "hide."

#257898 +(391)- [X]

<TehTipper> what do u call bread made by a buffalo?
<DoomGuyPaul> Unsanitary.

#258104 +(1359)- [X]

<rjbs> billn: you some kinda jehovah's witness??
<billn> rjbs: I wouldn't say 'witness.' I mean, I clearly saw God hit that guy with his car, but there's no way I'm gonna testify against him.

#258240 +(1280)- [X]

<@cs_weasel> my latest viagra spam subject line: "adolph"
< ponds`zombie> ein reich, ein volk, ein schlongpill

#258308 +(1062)- [X]

<MacMan> OMG GUYS GUESS WAT!!!
<The_Spaniard> Stupid is getting louder?

#258383 +(965)- [X]

<kwigibo> Guns are for people who can't humiliate criminals with elaborate swinging paint-can contraptions

#258539 +(622)- [X]

<Mighty> I'm hoping I misheard my mother; she said the daycare my brother is going to is called "Little Third Reich"

#258595 +(694)- [X]

< SnPz> skal jeg gå inn på den siden??
< SnPz> er du norsk??
< [Mosh]> I dont have my secret decoder ring on

#258609 +(1018)- [X]

<bunnyrape> Unscramble this: tq/iu
* Quits: mnk0 (~mnk0@router.globaladsl.adsl.golden.net) (?)

#258614 +(306)- [X]

<Iyouboushi> hm.. personally, if it was me.. I'd be more worried about finding Kouga (who has 2 shards in his legs) and Kohaku (who has a shard in his back)
<Iyouboushi> I'd get the two shards from Kouga and take them to the modern times
<Iyouboushi> that way Naraku couldn't complete the jewel
<Iyouboushi> because you know once he has the jewel from the "after-life" place, he's immedately going to kill Kouga and Kohaku
<Rowen_Hashiba> man i can't breathe... too much geek in here, it's affecting my sinuses

#258768 +(635)- [X]

<+flash> WHER CAN I DOWNLOAD A VIRUS?THAT KILLS MY PC FOR FREE?
<Server> flash: www.windowsupdate.com

#258778 +(2397)- [X]

<neott> stop();
<WorkLord> hammertime();

#258861 +(68)- [X]

<blacklegions666> is here anybody into BLACK METAL
<blacklegions666> ?
<Ne[r]d> like... living color?

#258908 +(16012)- [X]

<Ben174> : If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours.
<ChrisLMB> : If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly.
<Ben174> : Where u work?
<ChrisLMB> : I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com
*** Ben174 (BenWright@TeraPro33-41.LowerMyBills.com) Quit (Leaving)

#259256 +(2355)- [X]

<+shiachan> i am having the worse day for the past 3 years
<+shiachan> someone console me :/
* Edible hits shiachan with a gamecube.

#259303 +(108)- [X]

<Defister> you guys seen that video of the girl shooting live eels out her ass and having another jap girl eat them?
<Monga> The japanese like sushi WAY too much.

#259320 +(755)- [X]

<helv> WHAT THE FUCK
<helv> a giant mini egg just drove past my house

#259326 +(447)- [X]

<Erin> does anyone else think that maybe dairy farmers have been tricking us, and that cows are really bulls, and we all buy bull semen by the litre?
<Erin> it's just whenever I see milk I think of semen that's all
<KateK> Um, maybe you shouldn't let your dad prepare your cereal anymore.
<Homestarrr> hellooo calcium deficiency


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