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#247517 +(332)- [X]

<Mr_Nutty> once in a west texas town of el paso
<Mr_Nutty> I fell in love with a mexican girl
<Fina> It didn't stop her from charging you, though

#247524 +(361)- [X]

< euronium> i never understood the concept behind flavor colored condoms
< Skarack_> do you suck dick?

#247790 +(1037)- [X]

<Cold_Fyre> back. I had to talk to my sister about sumtin
<fReAkEr> is she hot?
<Cold_Fyre> She's 8...
<Cold_Fyre> O.o
<fReAkEr> I didnt ask her age...

#247808 +(216)- [X]

<Vile> I saw the most hilarious billboard today. All white, with black letters. '"Invite me back to school." - God.' <Vile> A being that can create a sunset must communicate with us by way of our BILLBOARDS! <Vile> *Driving, glances up at one such board* "Jerry. Don't sleep with your neighbors wife.

#247834 +(308)- [X]

ArgosBM : hell, i think i modong protty good for typihg whting my eyes closed
ArgosBM : ...or not...

#247843 +(374)- [X]

* Joins: kcar181-
<kcar181-> baah
<kcar181-> My HDD drive is dead
<@matt1frek> dead?
<kcar181-> dead
<kcar181-> like the bios says "Where the fuck did your HDD go?"

#248750 +(803)- [X]

vince: i just emailed the hotmail staff that i wasnt able to open and read any emails
vince: my email: i have a problem, i cant open or read any emails
vince: they answered: yes you can

#249194 +(337)- [X]

<Dokstarr> can anyone think of a good way to appeal and indecent exposure charge.. i can't believe people would actually cite me for that :(
<Zanza> dokstarr: how indecent?
<Xagemo> Dokstarr, say that your clothes had been soaked in some kind of acid
<Dokstarr> i only mooned people from a car windown.. and then at a toll booth mooned people fot a while
<Dokstarr> sunroof
<Zanza> can't think of an excuse for that
<Krinos> of course you run the risk of people chucking stuff at your naket arse
<Dokstarr> who knew a cop would be waiting a mile down because people called and complained
<Xagemo> Dokstarr, i think you are screwed
<Dokstarr> dont 136 people have better things to do than call the cops
<Dokstarr> krinos they loved my "arse" they probably took some snapshots
<Krinos> people who love an arse don't call the cops -_-
<Aoshi> lol.
<Dokstarr> when the cop stopped me i thought maybe only 1 or 2 called.. .but 136 they need a life
<Zanza> 136 people?
<Dokstarr> yeah i did all the way down the highway.. then at the toll booth.. and then when there was a traffic jam
<Dokstarr> well i am off... gotta think of some sort of plea bargain or something to get it off my record...

#249231 +(1565)- [X]

<MrCoffee> my pokemon bring all those nerds to the yard and there like, do you wanna trade cards, damn right, lets trade some cards, ill trade you, but not my charizard

#250375 +(254)- [X]

<Fuyutski> Canada has 32,200,000 people. :o
<Dami> And I am one of them. XD
<Fuyutski> America has 290,300,000
<Fuyutski> =o
<Dami> Fuyu: We're bigger, and we're on top. If this was prison, they'd be our BITCH.

#250661 +(1037)- [X]

<RSX-2003> my friend might get suspended from school
<RSX-2003> she's enrolled in child developement, so she has to work with the special kids on campus
<RSX-2003> and they had their own dance, and my friend cintheia was the DJ
<RSX-2003> and she put on the song by black eyed peas called "lets get retarded"
<RSX-2003> if she didn't start laughing she probably wouldn't have gotten in trouble

#251404 +(50)- [X]

<the-dude> Is there something like an API Documentation for c++?
<mod7t9z730> the-dude, windows api -> msdn
<mod7t9z730> http://msdn.microsoft.com
<the-dude> for linux?
<mod7t9z730> uhm

#251614 +(7)- [X]

<strlen> i know someone who was half german half korean
<strlen> i asked him if he makes soap out of his dog

#251739 +(442)- [X]

<Null> So I downloaded the O'Reilly bookshelf set on cd
<Null> Then I couldn't mount the iso
<Null> Out of curiosity I ran file on it and found out it was a Divx 3 file
<Null> So apparently my O'Reilly bookshelf iso set is softcore porn
<Null> I'd hate to be the guy who downloaded porn and got my bookshelf set
<Calidore> Well, now he can improve himself while downloading porn.
<Calidore> You, on the other hand, can look for the books one-handed.

#251985 +(168)- [X]

<dlanod> The great thing about aural sex is that you can play it by ear.

#252134 +(553)- [X]

<Kyle> The band Disturbed is holding open auditions for a new bass player. That's my ticket outta this hell hole! Hey, where can I rent a bass?
<icabod> I'll lend you one
<Kyle> Niiiice. Now, how do I play?
<icabod> It's just like guitar, except you get fewer chicks

#252198 +(2090)- [X]

<Kuja> How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but it takes three episodes.

#252293 +(452)- [X]

<Mattimeo> I've decidedthat IRC is an MMORPG where I play the role of a hopeless nerd :(

#252487 +(144)- [X]

<TheOracle> :
<TheOracle> WHY IS AIM A WHORE?
<jednet> she's young and needs the money

#252491 +(77)- [X]

<Gadfly> Did you see The Passion of the Christ yet? I hear Salman Rushdie's writing the novelization.

#252577 +(487)- [X]

<Shinitenshi> "No entry found for faces."
<Shinitenshi> "Did you mean feces?"
<Shinitenshi> Fucking thesarus.com.

#252655 +(441)- [X]

Lah Deez Mahn: sweet
Lah Deez Mahn: outlook 2004
Lah Deez Mahn: now handles
Lah Deez Mahn: all my email accounts
Lah Deez Mahn: from  *everywhere*
Lah Deez Mahn: hotmail, adelphia, yahoo, b4k3r.com
Lah Deez Mahn: ahh, i like it
afmomania: now all you need is someone to email you

#252656 +(1799)- [X]

<Nyphur> DIX has a point. That kind of muscle development at that age isn't something to be celebrated. It's unnatural and as such, the body isn't designed to do it. It's going to cause him unforseen problems in the future.
<Nyphur> Good. He deserves it.
<MonkeyDLuffy> ...?
<MonkeyDLuffy> Nyphur, did you just reply to what you just typed?
<Nyphur> I did, yes. This kind of thing happens at 4AM.

#252713 +(443)- [X]

* Now talking in #linux
<jeramir> hello, can somebody recommend me a good p2p program?
<glassjoe> GoBuyIt v6.03
<jeramir> i can't find it
<glassjoe> ...

#252759 +(588)- [X]

<DuTcHiN> This dude at my work had red hair so we call him santa.
<XtACY> ???????
<DuTcHiN> Well he obviously has a red sack

#252793 +(547)- [X]

<DuTcHiN> U know how you get all lazy and wash your clothes at the last minute?
<EVILeye04> Um, yeah
<DuTcHiN> Well i was ready to go out to this party right, so there i was irc'ing in my shirt and boxers waiting for the load of washing to finish..... and i hear my ride beep from out the front, so i log off, grab my phoe, wallet and half-wet pants from the wash and throw them on and as i am bout to get out the door mum yells 'Wait' so i go 'no time mum' and hop in the car. By the time we get to the city and get out there is this weird smell.....
<EVILeye04> and????
<DuTcHiN> And then i turn on my mobile phone and see '1 message received' from 'mum' ---> Sorry i tried to get you to come back, the cat puked in the washing machine.           So i had to spend the rest of the night in my stinky pants and all the chicks looked at me funny. :(

#252818 +(1178)- [X]

<B-HAX> damnit my neighbor enabled security on his wifi router
<B-HAX> i am so annoyed
<B-HAX> i probably shouldnt have stuck the antenna right in my window pointing at his house
<B-HAX> i don't give people very much credit sometimes

#252993 +(1221)- [X]

<1337man> i jast walked in on my brother stripping to a web cam.... >.<
<heyall> lol
<me101> just another case of "hey bro whats AHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

#253018 +(237)- [X]

<q8D> jesus christ I have the runs this morning
<q8D> woo
<q8D> it's like my ass is yelling at the toilet

#253029 +(991)- [X]

<kasp> I got a shirt that had integral signs all over it,
and read: "Math is an integral part of life."  I got another shirt 
that has a small symbol of pi on the front, and 1000 digits of pi 
(followed by "...") on the back
<glasnost> wow kasp
<brouwer> i've never met you, but i want to beat you up

#253043 +(246)- [X]

<JonyBlaze> u have anyideas why a computer wouldnt boot the slack cd
<drw> good taste?

#253326 +(462)- [X]

(+Clarke): i was hanging out with some friends last night, and this guy was saying how lesbian porn doesn't turn him on becuase his sister is gay
(@h0ns`b0ll0x): Not too big into lesbian porn myself.
(+Clarke): and he'd be like "oh cool, those chicks are going down on each other......and my sister's friend is sleeping over... OH GOD"

#253352 +(142)- [X]

<diminishe> Anyone wanna help me debug some code?
<PreZ> diminishe, do you have a specific problem?
<diminishe> well, its more like pseudo code

#253362 +(1003)- [X]

(@Aircraftkiller) I want a drum of oil
(@Aircraftkiller) They're only like $50 I think, full barrel of oil
(@Aircraftkiller) I just want the barrel of oil
(@Aircraftkiller) Then
(@Aircraftkiller) When someone comes over, and asks you "hey dude, is that a drum of oil? Real oil?" You can say "Yeah. Where's YOUR oil?"
(@Aircraftkiller) Because real men own oil.

#253683 +(845)- [X]

<Sarah> I just saw 28 Days Later
<rude-inverse> that's one of those movies I always planned on seeing but never did.
<rude-inverse> what was the significance of "28 days"? the only thing I associate 28 days with is a menstrual cycle.
<Sarah> maybe that's why there was so much blood.

#253841 +(335)- [X]

<|_Hyper_|> bush on tv :S
<|_Hyper_|> oh wait
<|_Hyper_|> it'a documentary
<|_Hyper_|> something about monkeys :D

#253947 +(937)- [X]

<FatalError1> how to delete a directory in Linux?
<FatalError1> delete entire contents with one command?
* rm-rf isnt sure

#254023 +(520)- [X]

Ishbu566: haha i guess i was fucked up though
Ishbu566: cuz i had my headphones on
Ishbu566: and pink floyd blasting
Ishbu566: and my dad came out and was yelling at me to turn it down
Ishbu566: the headphones werent plugged in =(

#254116 +(505)- [X]

<paranoid/> i just realized that my dads a hardcore redneck
<stonedgamer> how so
<paranoid/> he came out of the shower and i saw a tatoo on his ass that said "exit only"

#254207 +(781)- [X]

<SorcererX> Dispatched on March 21, 2004  Delivery estimate: Mar 19, 2004 - Mar 22, 2004
<SorcererX> now... I've seen inaccurate estimates before... but this takes the cake
<SorcererX> "we assume that it'll arrive two days ago or in the next 12 hrs... and the package has to go 2000 km"

#254271 +(263)- [X]

<dunce> We were doing shots of BBQ sauce at the anime con
<dunce> Granted, that BBQ sauce also had vodka in it
<dunce> And I hadn't eaten for 2 days
<Nd> Weren't you there to like... er, what did you do there?
<dunce> I was there to drink
<dunce> And have fun with half naked girls
<dunce> What... you think I give a shit about that anime stuff? :P
<dunce> Didn't actually see any anime while I was there
<dunce> I mean, I can watch it at home, didn't see what the big deal was

#254287 +(1585)- [X]

<jadedlphoto> Maybe the free masons control porn now.
<gz> the carnal cabal?
<firegod> the illuminaughty?

#254358 +(619)- [X]

<Pornosaur> My mom gave me one of those plants you can't kill
<Pornosaur> I think it commited sucicide

#254361 +(1428)- [X]

<RizBow[RF]> winmx if the song is popular (you can download same song from multiple people simontaneously) , soulseek if its rare
<maddox> I get my mp3s from the store.. it's pretty nice, they already have them burned on CD and they come with cases and booklets.
<RizBow[RF]> maddox: where?

#254442 +(296)- [X]

HefnersCrew2005: If you rape a hooker, is it theft?

#254595 +(1071)- [X]

<zombiemann77> i tied this girl up and she told me to do whatever i wanted to her so i took her stereo, dvd player, and all her money

#254773 +(424)- [X]

<Beercaps> its not easy spelling bukkake
<RedX> specially with your mouth full ;-)

#255086 +(455)- [X]

<methangas> this is EA's support lines automatic answering machine; we already got your money, now please go away

#255209 +(1425)- [X]

<arsifoofoo> you know...
<arsifoofoo> people rub corn on themselves for skin therapy
<arsifoofoo> "hard pore cornography"

#255364 +(366)- [X]

<+EvanTH> You'll have to be Smacky The Heroin bear.
<+Kulstad> w00t!!
<+EvanTH> You must sit in a corner and lose your hair
<+EvanTH> All the children will laugh and stare
<+Kulstad> you mean like Fuzzy Wuzzy
<+EvanTH> For you will be Smacky, the stiff-veined bear
<+EvanTH> yes.
<+EvanTH> Sometimes I wonder why the hell I even let myself type.


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