#244799 +(765)- [X]
<awed> i almost started a cult once
<awed> by accident
<awed> irc is weird like that.
#244859 +(142)- [X]
<visi-work> I could feed a hundred hungry walruses with $10 at taco bell
#245030 +(693)- [X]
<rAJ> wooo, i had sex tonight :D
* pikkle holds back another "my mom" joke
<pikkle> argh. YOUR mom, not mine. :(
#245140 +(444)- [X]
<Crazy^Donna> are we in english class!?
<Kaowyn> no but i'm tired of hearing you fuck up every damn sentence
#245206 +(1111)- [X]
<schmidt> i can kill a person with no hands
<SirBlack> so can I, when they don't have hands it's hard for them to fight back :P
#245376 +(788)- [X]
<paroneayea> Oh man! Oh man! Oh man!
<paroneayea> I have to tell you people the funniest thing ever.
<paroneayea> This friend of mine, a theater major, walks into my room. "Do you have a printer I can borrow?" she says.
<paroneayea> "Yes," I say, "but it's an old LaserJet 4L. Is that alright?"
<paroneayea> "Should be," she responds.
<paroneayea> Then she hands me this paper. It's like normal paper, but thicker, and... not friendly.
<paroneayea> I ask what it is and she says "cardstock."
<paroneayea> I raise an eyebrow and say, "you do realize that there's no way in hell my printer is going to print on this paper."
<paroneayea> "Well," she says, "could we print it on normal paper and somehow transfer it to the cardstock?"
<paroneayea> "What, like print it out and literally cut it up and glue it on there?"
<paroneayea> "No, like, if you printed it out and then stuck it in your scanner, maybe we could print it out again on the cardstock?"
<paroneayea> She couldn't understand why I was laughing so hard
<althalus> that needs to go up on bash.
#245382 +(319)- [X]
* Kurayamino chews on 3DSmax
<Kurayamino> it knows i'm gonna replace it with version 6, i swear to my lack of fucking god.
<Kurayamino> max5: "whats this cunt downloading? holy shit! max6!" max6: "muah hah hah, bow to me, for i am superior and you will be deleted" max5: "fuck this. lets CRASH TO DESKTOP at RANDOM INTERVALS for NO FUCKING APPARANT REASON!"
#245572 +(290)- [X]
Eudox says: my god...
Eudox says: I'm really not used to sending letters
Eudox says: it just took my 10 minutes to work out I had to lick the thingy to make it stick :|
#245695 +(435)- [X]
<Disciple> my bowels are at a state of civil unrest
<Disciple> ugh... looks like the rebels are winning
<Disciple> gotta go, bbiab
#245710 +(1082)- [X]
<Schizo> I once knocked out a toddler with a door. Wasn't funny at the time, but it's hilarious now lol
<sleepbu> i almost frostbitereered my nuts last night :p
<sleepbu> since we're being honest
<sleepbu> it was a hot night
<sleepbu> bag was all hot and sweaty
<sleepbu> thought i'd try out my can of duster
<sleepbu> compressed gas :P
<sleepbu> little did i know that shit comes out as liquid if it's upside down
<sleepbu> drip drip *freeze* OMG WORLD OF PAIN WORLD OF PAIN WORLD OF PAIN
#245718 +(7048)- [X]
<+mOrphz> damn it :/
<@Lego> damn it :/
<+mOrphz> stop that
<@Lego> stop that
<+mOrphz> Lego smells
<@Lego> Lego smells
quit: (Lego) (~leet@apex|Lego.user.gamesnet) (Quit)
#245777 +(399)- [X]
<Soulcleaver> Once me, my dad, and some of his employees were having a racist joke contest, but midway through we remembered we were still in Wendy's.
#245797 +(1040)- [X]
<surreal> i've often wanted to drown my troubles, but i can't get my girlfriend to go swimming
#245856 +(423)- [X]
<pyro> I remember when I was younger this chick wanted me to give her a hickey but i didn't know how.. so i went on google
#245883 +(1072)- [X]
[+Elkrider] Goat, my name's on the JW blacklist for well over 10 years now.
[+Elkrider] Almost 15, I think.
[+Elkrider] One day they rang at my door. Two women, one about 50 and ugly, the other one around 20 and very pleasant to look at.
[+Elkrider] When they started to talk, I interrupted and said the following, immortal words....
[+Elkrider] "Hold a minute. Before we keep talking, the young one will come in and give me a blowjob. If it's good, we can talk. Agreed?"
[+Elkrider] Perfect win-win situation.
[+Elkrider] Either they piss off or I get a blowjob.
#245902 +(62)- [X]
<taig3R> so blinker fluid comes out the transmission?
#245906 +(1429)- [X]
<Malevolyn> last night i was at chili's and i got a big sandwich that had a big knife. so i went to cut my sandwich and started chanting 'knife knife knife knife'
<Malevolyn> and the waitress came by and took my knife...
#245916 +(46)- [X]
<narcotiKz> sent: could be his blinker pistons
<narcotiKz> i heard the blinker master cylinder goes bad on those things
<narcotiKz> i think factory did a recall
<taig3R> where do blinker pistons go and how much they cost?
#245943 +(245)- [X]
[suxbad] im coming to visit asheville soon
[@teki] oh god
[@teki] maybe we not get arrested this time
#245967 +(920)- [X]
<ecks> I'm so virgin, there isn't even a word to describe how much sex I have not had.
#245988 +(503)- [X]
<FHCI_SS> I work as a tech support and someone called yesterday with the following conversation taking place
<FHCI_SS> Customer: "Hi, I was wondering if you could fix my laptop. It's under warranty."
<FHCI_SS> Me: "What seems to be the trouble with it?"
<FHCI_SS> Customer: "My wife got mad and threw it in the pool."
#246054 +(342)- [X]
<RamsusXIII> lol foodus
#246057 +(-5)- [X]
* bare [~firstname.lastname@example.org] has joined #brained
#246123 +(818)- [X]
<Ryft> I made some brownies... want one?
<bnyfoofoo> you baked?
<Ryft> No, are you?
#246129 +(118)- [X]
* nekogirl knits
* Ryft watches her knit
<nekogirl> my yarn just ended!
<Ryft> And you didn't see that coming?
#246140 +(938)- [X]
<Tonitrus> My biological clock says 12:00 and blinks.
#246164 +(161)- [X]
<InvisibleCaper> anyway, if youll excuse me, i have to kill myself
<InvisibleCaper> i unintentionally gave myself the image of rosie odonnel frisking herself
#246190 +(832)- [X]
<@FirebirdGM> What a gayass question. This is on my Chemistry Homework.
<@FirebirdGM> 'If x = 4, What is x equal to?'
<@FirebirdGM> How the hell does that relate to HydroCarbons. That isn't even a real question.
<@FirebirdGM> Damn stoner teacher.
#246239 +(542)- [X]
CREdragon) it takes a man very comfortable in his heterosexuallity to have sex with another man
CREdragon) ... wait that came out wrong
~SS) You have been bashed.
#246241 +(283)- [X]
--> Kelle has joined #vendetta
<StarFreeze> What goes up must come down. You're gonna run out of Viagra soon enough.
<Kelle> I came in here at the WRONG time..
#246243 +(331)- [X]
<Brynneh|w3rk> im doing my girlfriend all weekend
<Brynneh|w3rk> lol whoops
<Penfold> doesnt stop
<Brynneh|w3rk> *doing stuff
<Brynneh|w3rk> *doing stuff with
<Cavey> I shall mention that quote to her when I next se her
<Brynneh|w3rk> that was the mother of all typos
#246262 +(523)- [X]
<Zardoz> Damn those blow-up sheep.
<Zardoz> I got fucking TWO of them for my 21st.
<Zardoz> from DIFFERENT PEOPLE !
#246267 +(1357)- [X]
<Maddawy> see i always wonder when i'm lookin at pr0n and jerking off so to speak
<Maddawy> and if my mom walks in.. would i hide my dick or the pr0n?
<cerebrus> jerking off so to speak? wtf? jerking off is jerking off, you don't need to so to speak.. RETARD
<greeny> see this hypothetical scenario happened to me...
<Maddawy> lol.. wat did u do?
<greeny> as the matter of fact i did neither..
<greeny> see, it was after the point of no return.. so i just ejaculated, while quietly moaning and looking at my mom apologeticaly
<Maddawy> LOL AHAHAHAHAHAHAH
<greeny> yes.. it's one of the main reasons why i live on campus now...
#246310 +(279)- [X]
<incoherent>:I AM not giving steam my fucking credit card.
<Adopted>: can I have it?
<incoherent> Yah sure, you seem more secure then STEAM....
<KellyX>: LOL ouch....
#246380 +(520)- [X]
Alex: what do i click on 2 d/l it
giorgio: didnt i just give you the direct link?
Alex: yea u did but want part on it do i click to start the d/l
Alex: Download via CNet dBpowerAMP Music Converter Release 10.1?
giorgio: Normally DOWNLOAD means it DOWNLOADS the fucking file
Alex: i dont see anythign that says it
Alex: the page is still kinda loading
Alex: does it come up under the picture?
giorgio: what... are you talking... about
giorgio: click download and wait
Alex: theres a little picture
giorgio: what .. picture?
giorgio: ok my friend told me what to do next
giorgio: you right click on your C drive, or your local drive, and then click format
Alex: right under the black heading dBpowerAMP Music Converter (dMC)
giorgio: you shouldnt be on the computer
giorgio: JUST CLICK THE FUCKING LINK
Alex: i opened the link
giorgio: and then!?
Alex: i just dont know where to go next
giorgio: are you at download.com now?
Alex: i need directions
Alex: im at the LINK!
giorgio: and what do you see?
Alex: that u sent me!
giorgio: you're still at the one i sent!??D?Sgfoih3597gh3
Alex: i see a heading called dBpowerAMP Music Converter (dMC)
Alex: theres alittle picture right under it
giorgio: you told me yourself you saw the link "download blah blah"
Alex: i said there somethign called Download via CNet dBpowerAMP Music Converter Release 10.1
Alex: is that what i click to d/l it?
giorgio: are you kidding?
giorgio: it SAYS "download"
giorgio: what ELSE would you click!?GFryf93654j542
Alex: well there was so many options
giorgio: but it was the only fucking "download" optioN!
#246405 +(10535)- [X]
<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> "The animals will hear!" bellowed the ear licking penguin as the awesomely endowed midget sucked her oozing charlies and plugged his purple middle leg into her festering cunt.
<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> wrong window
<d|syztem> what the FUCK
#246432 +(548)- [X]
<kiwibonga> oh fuck
<kiwibonga> it's 5:45AM
<kiwibonga> you'd think I would have noticed since it's written next to every fucking line in this window
#246465 +(421)- [X]
<FeLisha`> Im not a barbie girl, and I dont listen to any of the music they do, but I still don't like being made fun of.
<FeLisha`> They always put me down, I have like a negative amount of self esteem right now.
<endoskelet0n> guess what
<endoskelet0n> fuck them.
<FeLisha`> You dont think ive tried
<FeLisha`> ...that sounded bad
#246467 +(948)- [X]
<Thiefmaster> Fucking hell man
<Thiefmaster> my brother just blew a mouse up in the microwave
<Thiefmaster> he thought he could warm up his mouse for feeding the snake
<Thiefmaster> iam glad stupidty passed to the youngest in the family
<Thiefmaster> godamm the whole house smells like death mouse
#246484 +(105)- [X]
expyro: I loved setting those things that came in the packages on fire. THey would ignite, then explode. Then on exploded in my hair. It wasnt funny anymore
#246488 +(904)- [X]
<homenerd> How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
#246512 +(352)- [X]
cwelks: I found out that if you are out of dishwashing detergent, that you shouldnt replace it in the dishwasher with Tide.
cwelks: Bubbles all over the kitchen
cwelks: Not my brightest moment
#246540 +(546)- [X]
<syberghost> Ok, it's clear that I'm losing my mind; I had the TV muted so it wouldn't interrupt our conversation.
#246585 +(531)- [X]
Montehall: eh 9 inches less and I would have a scar
TwitchOSX: uh huh
HomeBrewR: 9" less and you'd have a 7" deep pussy
#246589 +(521)- [X]
<Andoryuu> I KICK YOU AND EAT YOUR BACON.
<BuruusuEXE> I have no bacon.
<Andoryuu> I KICK YOU
#246605 +(478)- [X]
<DoCa-Cola> ALL rap is bullshit
<DoCa-Cola> all it is is "fuck that nigger, he fucked my woman, fuck that woman, she fucked my nigga"
#246624 +(480)- [X]
<Koban> "Coke"®, "Coca-Cola"®, "The Real Thing"©, "Always"©, "It"©, "Christmas"©, "Summer"©, "The Olympics"© and most other words are owned by the Coca-Cola® Corporation.
#246810 +(342)- [X]
<Drag> Hi Melvin
<Drag> How's it hanging?
<Melvin> From hooks in the ceiling.
#246829 +(147)- [X]
<Eiko> CyberSitter: The Virus you can BUY!
#246870 +(1005)- [X]
<mindstorms> windows asked me to put in a new password, and i put in penis.
<mindstorms> and it told me to come up with a new fucking joke.