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#238254 +(305)- [X]

mooseybaby4247: my acceptance would be like "I would like to thank all the other nominees who lost so that i could win, my family and friends, I love you all, and to everyone I worked with, you were great but I was greater because I'm the one with the award. Thank you."

#238256 +(396)- [X]

KajiTheGaurdian: Funny thing. There were these papers by kids posted on the wall of the temple about why being Jewish is good, and one kid wrote "I like being Jewish because it means I'm special," but he wrote it as "spechul".
Dolorous Decay: He sounds pretty fucking spechul to me

#238276 +(724)- [X]

Dublyner: I was up in Winnepeg and some guy on the street asked me if I had two loonies for a toonie. I thought he was going to rape me or something.

#238334 +(996)- [X]

<Kadon`> Can a dead girl have an orgasm?
<TheMoxy> God.. lol
<Anonymous> How long has she been dead?
<Kadon`> Uh, let me check.

#238361 +(197)- [X]

<RealaNightmaren> that fucker is linking to our files
<RealaNightmaren> AGAIN
<dosdemon> reala who hosts sonic cult
<RealaNightmaren> dos: a friend of mine
<Sushi-D> reala... you should make one of those scripts..
<dosdemon> ah
<RealaNightmaren> i used to have one
<RealaNightmaren> i replaced it with htaccess
<RealaNightmaren> which unfortunatly doesn't cover the subdomains
<Sushi-D> that bites the bullet...
<Sushi-D> so....how are youe gonna correct this problem...
<RealaNightmaren> easy
<RealaNightmaren> I'll replace it with porn

#238410 +(559)- [X]

<Schwab> so I bought some mary jane last night
<Schwab> about a quarters worth
<Schwab> then I planted it in this jackass's car
<Schwab> then I called the cops
<Schwab> and now he's on parol violation
<Schwab> lesson in all of this....don't ever..EVER.. fucking touch my food, especially with the intention of ruining it while I'm eating

#238425 +(323)- [X]

poetica09: i need to think of more ways to make an ass of myself
poetica09: it's fun stuff
poetica09: i was considering going somewhere next weekend
poetica09: and putting up a sign, like maybe outside of a store
poetica09: and a tin can
poetica09: and the sign would say
poetica09: "donate to help a deaf blind man stay alive"
poetica09: and i could be sitting on a lawn chair
poetica09: reading a magazine and listening to my cd player
poetica09: and waving at people who walk by :-p

#238448 +(397)- [X]

<@iretd> Problem with bash is: after reading it for like half an hour, you go back to irc and you don't understand the jokes ppl make, like "where's the punch line" and then you realize there's no joke, it's just back to boring old IRC
<@dalias> actually i have that problem on bash
<@dalias> i read a quote and i'm like "where's the punch line?"

#238461 +(309)- [X]

<pussyfart> jesus h. christ..
<mycheese> wtf does the h stand for
<pussyfart> ...
<pussyfart> henry

#238463 +(521)- [X]

+SharpSchutze: Hard Drive Installed On: Thursday, January 1 1970
+SharpSchutze: That can't be good.

#238510 +(962)- [X]

*** Signoff: Froz- (Quit: and /exit were sitting in a park. /exit left, so who was still sitting in the park?)
*** Froz- (~nogonnta@dsl-lprgw4g4c.dial.inet.fi) has joined channel #mpsource
*** Mode change "+o Froz-" for channel #mpsource by ChanServ
<Froz-> /quit and /exit were sitting in a park. /exit left, so who was still sitting in the park?

#238517 +(472)- [X]

[SB|Ranter] I played the Sims for 1 hour and realised I was making such an effort to clean the dishes when there's a whole stack of them beside the sink in real life
[SB|Ranter] so I deleted the fucker

#238559 +(298)- [X]

<DeuceOfHearts> So I'm thinking about buying a title...
<DeuceOfHearts> Should I be an Earl or a Duke?
<DeuceOfHearts> I know... maybe a Marquis?
<mistaelitez> Well, I dunno.... do you scroll down the street?

#238603 +(217)- [X]

<Azrael> notepad + random windows system files = fun for the bored

#238640 +(1394)- [X]

<jimmiejaz> http://news.myway.com/odd/article/id/388409|oddlyenough|03-01-2004::10:26|reuters.html
<Jay1> fucking LINK
<Jay1> argh
<Jay1> you made me open it bich
<Jay1> and it opened in my insurance quote windows and fucked it up
<jimmiejaz> deal with it, I didn't tell you to click it.
<Jay1> it opens it self
<jimmiejaz> so links in your IRC window open all by them self?
<Jay1> yes
<jimmiejaz> http://www.tubgirl.com
<jimmiejaz> get a real client, one that doesn't open www.tubgirl.com when it sees it.
<jimmiejaz> www.lemonparty.org
<Jay1> i HATE YOU
<jimmiejaz> www.lemonparty.org
<-- Jay1 has quit (Client Exiting)

#238718 +(282)- [X]

<ShajJee> i am muslim and i never belive on sex
<jackfig> oh, that's good
<Dormir> congrats
<ShajJee> and a muslim can never do sex with anyone
<jackfig> ummm, then why are there so  many of them?

#238734 +(1257)- [X]

<shortigo> I can't find my enlightenment configuration files
<BedMan> look in ~/.enlightenment
<shortigo> I don't seem to have one
<hazard> 'the path to enlightment is hard to find'

#238749 +(213)- [X]

<Ransome_LightHawk> You know, I heard "The Passion" I so good they are going to make a book about it
<Jaffar> Yeah. I think they're calling it "The Bible" or something
<Jaffar> I dunno, sounds kind of silly to me.
* Ransome_LightHawk nods
<Jaffar> I mean, who'd read a book called "The Bible". Psh.

#238766 +(323)- [X]

[ExCal]: hey andre, do you live on welfare?

#238771 +(2463)- [X]

Tetramaster3k: Omg.
Tetramaster3k: My mom was just outside my room, and she saw me chewing on the chords to my headphones
Tetramaster3k: She goes
Tetramaster3k: "If you keep doing that, you'll reach wire and electrocute yourself"
Tetramaster3k: So I stopped
Tetramaster3k: Then she goes
Tetramaster3k: "I didn't tell you to stop"

#238812 +(762)- [X]

<raindog> I'll ring you when I head out...
<morgamic> <3
<raindog> lol
<morgamic> want me to pick you up?
<raindog> nice testicles
<morgamic> it's a heart you jackass.
<raindog> oh

#238827 +(330)- [X]

<Bobman> Im gonna take the catalytic converter off my car, bend the muffler to the side and rig a spark plug on the inside
<Bobman> Drive-by flamethrower

#238837 +(499)- [X]

* @Falco|LAN goes to kick his sister's ass
<@pandairo> heh
<%hurricane> just beat her boyfriend up, its more satisfying
<@pandairo> isnt she too young for boyfriends?
<%hurricane> i dunno how old is she
<@Falco|LAN> she's 12
<@Falco|LAN> well
<@Falco|LAN> I couldn't get her to get off
<%hurricane> please tell me you mean the phone or computer

#238880 +(1478)- [X]

<LexMortis> have i told you about a dream i had?
<LexMortis> a lion attacked me
<LexMortis> and bit off my finger
<LexMortis> after the fight n all was over
<LexMortis> i looked at my hands
<LexMortis> and went like "great, now i can only count to 9"
<LexMortis> even my unconsciousness is retarded =

#238914 +(420)- [X]

<nien_rima> actually, jaffars right there
<Jaffar> Oh for the love of Christ, shut the Hell --
<Jaffar> Oh wait.
<Jaffar> You were agreeing with me.
<Jaffar> Nevermind then, carry on.

#238915 +(468)- [X]

<nimja> so I am afraid I might have scared some people in my photo iii class tonight
<nimja> this fucking housefly landed on my notes in the middle of a lecture on split-filter printing techniques
<nimja> and so I used my ultimate nimja powers to kill it with my bare hand
<nimja> (it seriously was impressive)
<nimja> but then I stabbed said housefly three (or maybe ten) times with my ballpopint pen while yelling "DIE!! DIE!!! DIE!!!"
<nimja> *class went silent*
<nimja> I said: "Sorry, it just seems like it was the thing to do right then."
<nimja> prof didn't miss a beat, pretended to wipe bug guts off his tie, and then proceeded to discuss the use of filters 1/4 vs 0/5

#238929 +(301)- [X]

hadesup: for a quarter? you capitalist whore.
badgerwithagun: hey, a quarter is a fifth of a dollar!
hadesup: ...
hadesup:um. you mean fourth
badgerwithagun: whatever.

#238969 +(1341)- [X]

* Reddog is now known as You
* You have performed an Illegal operation, please Restart Windows
* You is now known as Reddog
* Desh has quit IRC (Quit: brb gotta restart windows...stupid trillian yelling at me)

#238979 +(656)- [X]

<Sherazard> some times i wonder when i was 10 if i had hair in certian areas
<Sherazard> sometimes i wish i could go back in time and check
<Sherazard> just to put my curiosity to rest, you know
<Sherazard> but then i think, what would i say to 10 year old me?
<Sherazard> "hi, i'm your future self, take your pants off. i need to check something"
<Sherazard> that'd probably scar me
<Sherazard> and as a result my current self would be even *more* fucked up

#238989 +(585)- [X]

<korosu> I can't believe I just took a shit in my bathing suit at the beach. What the fuck? I cant stand up and take it to the ocean, because I am wading in a puddle of feces at this very moment. Any change in my seating position will send my poo spilling down my legs and into view of every sunbather within 30 feet of me. There is no way I can play this off as a fart.
<korosu> It doesn't help at all that I've been spun out for 3 days. I can hardly see straight! How am I possibly going to explain this to my wife when she comes back from getting chili dogs to ask me what the fuck I just did in the presence of my children? She'll make me drop trau in front of everyone again. There it is. The family on the blanket to the right of me just asked if I could smell "that". I gotta go.

#239005 +(917)- [X]

<Rewt> oooh
<Rewt> panic room is on.
<Rewt> I'd have wireless internet in my panic room
<Rewt> except with my luck, my plea for help would end up posted on bash.org

#239040 +(734)- [X]

<dawm> i wonder
<dawm> if i can ban myself
<dawm> oops
<dawm> you can
<dawm> im banned from my own blog
<dawm> shit
<dawm> thats unreversable

#239081 +(986)- [X]

<Midnight> Telemarketers are sooo fun to screw with.
<Midnight> Like this one time, I got a call from one obviously trying to get me to change my long distance carrier or some b.s. like that.
<Midnight> The dialogue went something like this:
"May I speak person who is in charge of the phone services in your house?"
"Ummmm...We don't have a phone."
"Well, then what are you talking to me on?"
"A banana?"
<Midnight> I think they hung up after that.

#239088 +(576)- [X]

<JazzMan131> Dude, don't you find it weird that read and read are spelled the same?
<BenBish> ....
<BenBish> Naw man, not really.

#239102 +(1769)- [X]

sdrawkcab yekim: tomorrow i'm going to drink 10 gallons of water
revmoo: why
sdrawkcab yekim: i wanna see how long i can pee for one time
revmoo1: that's it, I'm done with the Internet

#239106 +(306)- [X]

[zekester] who the hell likes siliconed up tits
[DreadQ] any tit is better than no tit
[DreadQ] except them ones you pay some ho 10 bucks in the park to flash
[zekester] 10 bucks to flash?
[zekester] you can get a baseball bat for 10 bucks and that'll get you more than a flash

#239140 +(816)- [X]

<CactusJac> I remember the days when I was angry at the world for no apparent reason

#239151 +(836)- [X]

<ColonelCoroner> Damn, my girlfriend just fucking confused herself in trying to use the calculator on her cell.  Stupid bitch.
<Piro-nuts> ...dude, what did you expect from the peroxide-bleached blonde?
<ColonelCoroner> I dun fuckin know.  She CALLED me on her cell, to ask how to USE the calculator on her cell. 
<Piro-nuts> I think women are INNATELY stupid, that's the only reason to explain it.
<ColonelCoroner> Dude, with all this cloning and genome shit going around, there's gotta be a time when women will contain intelligent DNA.
<Piro-nuts> Yah, but like, 90% of them spit it out...

#239159 +(550)- [X]

<Dave> You know, Bash should merge with SomethingAwful. Then it could be a homogenous collection of stupid and unfunny crap
<Mobsta> Something Bashful?

#239178 +(1113)- [X]

* MouLDY_LLaMa is now known as JohnnyDepIsCrap
<JohnnyDepIsCrap> :
<I_Am_Great> you spelt it worn
<I_Am_Great> g
<I_Am_Great> *worng
<JohnnyDepIsCrap> i know
<I_Am_Great> *wrtong
<I_Am_Great> *wrong
<I_Am_Great> damn
<JohnnyDepIsCrap> hahaha
<I_Am_Great> talk about spelling thing worng
<I_Am_Great> fuck

#239192 +(376)- [X]

<@[LH]PeterDoug> i am answering peoples questions on private messages if anyone is interested
<@megat> ... peter you just said that to 2000 people.
<@megat> good luck.
<@[LH]PeterDoug> hang on there is too many of you
* @megat giggles
<@[LH]Sam|WORK> Peter will be here for the next 6 weeks :D
<@[LH]NeilOfDoom> there are 2600 of you
* +meeb headbutts the nearest wall
<[DWC]-Web^Douch> :)
<@[LH]ChrisB> Peter's poor computer has 2000 PM's and 5 laughing developers...

#239215 +(278)- [X]

<kellin> I honestly don't think I'm all that big.
<fishphood> I don't like big penis.
<Dairenn> fishphood, meet kellin.
<kellin> UH.

#239322 +(2671)- [X]

<stuberg> we got home from fishos at about 3 am drank as fuck
<stuberg> drunk*
<stuberg> and decided to have this mass acid/shrooms binge
<stuberg> and we kept goin all mornin on it like trippin out crazy and watching some chinese subtitle moviee
<stuberg> and at about 8.30 in the mornign paulie decides he has to go to school and he actually left and walked to school
<pualat> ur friend went school on an acid/mushies trip nice
<stuberg> no no u dont get it, hes 24 and owns his own business hes not sposed to go to school

#239353 +(463)- [X]

<[Yu-Ominae]> brb nature calls
* [Yu-Ominae] goes outside and rolls in the bushes naked

#239395 +(844)- [X]

thebud: the passion of the christ?
Indago: if i wanted to see a bad actor get nailed, I'd watch the paris hilton video

#239434 +(1647)- [X]

<Prtygrrl> what does OMG mean?
<gi> Oh my god.
<Prtygrrl> well escuse me for being a little newbie, mr. oh-im-so-1337.
<gi> What?
<Prtygrrl> you know, you dont have to be so mean. i hope you fall and hurt yourself reallyreally bad.

#239439 +(265)- [X]

(+{-ReV-}) http://www.eden.rutgers.edu/~husainm/Animated/milkit.gif thats stupid the glass isn't even filling up how am i supposed to believe it then
(jizzypop_) hehe
(jizzypop_) you just have to have faith
(+{-ReV-}) like the song
(@J_bomb) rev it's a new GIF version
(@J_bomb) if you wait long enough, they'll fill up
(@J_bomb) it has extra frames
(+{-ReV-}) ok
(@J_bomb) just sit and stare
(+{-ReV-}) i'll put my finger on the screen to mark the progression of the milk

20 minutes later...

(+{-ReV-}) ok dammit
(+{-ReV-}) i fucking quit
(+{-ReV-}) screw the milk

#239455 +(556)- [X]

[@Killer2{SoB}] WTF
[@Killer2{SoB}] Stupid CNN
[@Killer2{SoB}] "PHILADELPHIA, PAŚResearchers at the University of Temple announced yesterday that they had finally discovered a cure for nicotine addicts: smoking cigarettes."
[@Killer2{SoB}] "The only way to effectively fight the cravings associated with the highly-addictive drug, nicotine, is to give your body its supply of desired nicotine, via smoking another cigarette. Smoking allows the nicotine found in cigarettes to travel to your brain in just seven seconds, effectively satisfying the craving.""

#239529 +(248)- [X]

<04+Makkavelli> damn it all
* +Makkavelli is back from "Carefully soldering a mod chip into my PS2." I was gone for 1hr 51mins <+Makkavelli> As soon as my dad saw what I was doing, he tried to "help"
<+Makkavelli> His version of "help" was to burn through the fucking laser cable
<+Makkavelli> with the soldering iron
<+Makkavelli> Son of a bitch

#239554 +(322)- [X]

<Asmodean> WTF?  I'm watching this guy with a leaf blower, blowing mulch across he parking lot.
<Xuande> Lots of people with names from Three Kingdoms on bash.org
<Asmodean> He blew it all one way
<Asmodean> then walked around, and blew it back in the opposite direction.
<Asmodean> da hell?
<Icchan-san> he's getting paid by the hour

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