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#206391 +(575)- [X]

<INTERNET> god
<INTERNET> I reemmber this one time
<INTERNET> in an airplane
<INTERNET> I was with my mom
<INTERNET> and I was like... 11
<INTERNET> well I saw these things called Sanitary Napkins
<INTERNET> I thought they wre wetnaps
<INTERNET> like those things from restaurants
<INTERNET> so I got like a handful of them
<INTERNET> and ran out of the bathroom and I screamed, "MOM!!!! I GOT THOSE SANITARY NAPKINS YOU LIKE SO MUCH!!!!!!"
<INTERNET> EVERYONE ON THE PLANE WENT APESHIT AND MY MOM WAS JUST LAUGHING!!!!
<INTERNET> she was like, "WILLIAM THOSE ARE TAMPONS NOT WETNAPS!!!"

#206429 +(992)- [X]

<@Fam|work> I was at the airport, and this family were having ALL their bags searched
<@Fam|work> and the one teenage girl was bitching at the other teenage girl saying "I told you not to make a joke about a bomb".

#206712 +(341)- [X]

<afk> thats why people who "try" to commit suicide dont really want to die
<SLoW> did you know, on average, men are more likely to succeed then women?
<SLoW> and that a man's weapon of choice is a gun, and a woman's is pills
<Candy^^> men never care about making a mess
<Candy^^> ;p

#207373 +(21145)- [X]

<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
<anamexis> :<

#207692 +(542)- [X]

<[G4]CowBook> weren't u beat up by an 8yr old girl like last year?
<DannyBoy> she was 12 dude
<DannyBoy> big difference
<DannyBoy> she caught me off guard
<DannyBoy> I would have pounded the little bitch

#207919 +(458)- [X]

<Altoid> "There are now fewer than 30,000 orangutans left and it is likely that they will become extinct in the wild in as little as 20 years' time if this decline continues,"
<BridgetJ> awwww poor orangutans
<Altoid> I knoooow
<Altoid> :(
<dregn> i think we should eat more of them
<dregn> enjoy them while they are still around

#207952 +(432)- [X]

<Sans_Scope> Oh no!  How will Macgyver escape this debacle?
<+Shaezerus> Duct tape, chewing gum, and an orbital laser (made from duct tape and chewing gum).

#208037 +(1209)- [X]

-!- WetWired has joined #linux
< WetWired> Wow, how... boring.
-!- WetWired has left #linux []
<@supruzr> he's gone. bust out with the clowns and the drugs and the hookers.

#208066 +(679)- [X]

<|404notfound> when you play DDR, you're dancing with SATAN
<|404notfound> unless, you know, you're doing two player
<|404notfound> because then Satan doesn't have room to play

#208102 +(858)- [X]

<Kormiic> Ever look at your own code and think, "What the fuck is this meant to do?!"
<maznaz> most mornings
<Kormiic> I said "code", not "cock"
<Kormiic> ;)
<maznaz> oh
<maznaz> yeah, still most mornings :)
<Kormiic> Right, if that doesn't get approved for Bash, I'll rub cum in my eyes.

#208254 +(849)- [X]

<+far2stoned> that reminds me, bought a book when i was in china last year, called How To Woo, thought it might help me with my seduction techniques
<+far2stoned> turns out it was volume 2 of the chinese phone book :(

#208854 +(-882)- [X]

<@MORA> THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
<@MORA> Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
<@MORA> Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
<@MORA> Between 31 and 35 she is like India. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
<@MORA> Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently ageing but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
<@MORA> Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia. Lost the war, haunted by past mistakes and massive reconstruction is now necessary.
<@MORA> Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia. Very wide and borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.
<@MORA> Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.
<@MORA> After 70, she becomes like Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

#209198 +(949)- [X]

<frubsen> NEVER tell a girl that your dad just died so she feel sorry for you and go out with you
<frubsen> cause when she comes to your door and your dad answers
<frubsen> you got some major problems
<frubsen> FUCK i'm screwed

#209228 +(474)- [X]

<Lannen> (>^_(>O.o)>
<Lannen> GAY KIRBY!

#209460 +(1396)- [X]

<Karl[LB]> I put Linkin Park on and my cat goes running to the speakers and starts attacking them

#209461 +(449)- [X]

[Cerixus] I'll give you $50 if you'll stop trying to tell me how to save money.

#209828 +(965)- [X]

*** Now talking in #blackpride
<Rosen> no, in a perfect world we'd be treated as equals
<@Ph43rDnky> no, in a perfect world we'd be treated as superiors
<Jaayy> In a perfect world, you wouldn't even exist!  Whadya say to that?
<@Ph43rDnky> that's not a very appropriate comment for a black pride channel
<Rosen> shut up jaay you fag
<Jaayy> Oh, you mean this is a channel for proud black people? I thought it was for white people who are proud of their slaves
<@Ph43rDnky> Jaayy, stop now or I'll ban you.
<Jaayy> Alright fine... anybody play warcraft 3?
<Therman> I do
<Jaayy> Want to join a clan?
<Therman> Sure, what's it called?
<Jaayy> K-hadgar's
<Jaayy> K-razy
<Jaayy> K-illers.
*** You were kicked by Ph43rDnky (bastard)

#209867 +(-66)- [X]

* FJ arranges M&M's on his keys
<FJ> mm mmmm m mmm mmm

#210645 +(1218)- [X]

<@a-arse> sheeit, think me mum saw pr0n
<@a-arse> alt-tab doesn't work when the other window is porn too :(

#210766 +(6085)- [X]

<Casey8> Diana Ross' husband died
<Tarrier> how
<Casey8> fell while climbing in South Africa or something
<JennAway> that's sad
<Bubbaprog> i guess there is a mountain high enough

#211081 +(1436)- [X]

<evildemi> what's your yearbook quote gonna say?
<helveti> "TRAPPED IN A YEARBOOK FACTORY PLEASE SEND HELP"

#211403 +(624)- [X]

<Moonpie> one time
<Moonpie> this kid was talking about how hitler only had one nut
<Moonpie> and i said 'poor hitler' and got kicked out of the class

#211415 +(228)- [X]

crossoverfanatic: well, go to chinatown in your state, if its possible and soak in the atmosphere
crossoverfanatic: its fun
crossoverfanatic: word of caution, wear bright colours
crossoverfanatic: preferably red
DWKomodo: why's that?
crossoverfanatic: red is a lucky colour
DWKomodo: that explains why communism caught on so well....

#211416 +(3674)- [X]

<+darthpony> geez dude
<+darthpony> with my last gf
<+darthpony> I made the most terrible fruedian slip
<+darthpony> we were sitting at breakfast the one day, and I wanted to ask her "pass the sugar please"
<+darthpony> instead I said "you're ruining my life, you fucking bitch"

#211672 +(341)- [X]

<Elly> ChanServ is actually a 14-year-old sex slave who sits in Bergee's apartment at a PC typing out commands over and over
<Bergee> 14? try 16
<Bergee> I have some class

#211839 +(1163)- [X]

<Homer> OMG!!!
<Homer> OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
<Homer> OWOWOWOOWOWOW
<Homer> SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK AHHH MOTHERFUCKING HELL THIS HURTS
<Homer> AKINFINAasnloannSANFINADFNfANfaNfafa
<Homer> FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
<Homer> AOISMFASINASINISNAIMDMASDMA
*** Homer has quit IRC (Quit: )

...time passes...

*** Homer has joined #hackers
<Homer> whoever said that shaving your balls is fun, is wrong
<Homer> very, very wrong... :(

#211933 +(299)- [X]

* Pilgrim has joined #lockergnome
<Pilgrim> is it just me, or did this chan get bigger since the last time i was here? :p
<Rage> when were you last here?
<Siren> yeah, we knocked out that wall --------------------------------->
<Siren> :P

#211949 +(720)- [X]

maddox> hehe if I still lived at my parents' house I'd be grounded for sure
khoveraki> the basement is still part of the house, maddox.

#211966 +(472)- [X]

<Rosss> I watched a crazy japanese gangster movie today
<Rosss> A yakuza boss drowns a hooker hopped up on heroin in a kiddie pool full of her own feces
<Lev> Was it a comedy?
<Rosss> uh no
<Lev> Oh

#212226 +(1343)- [X]

<DoCa-Cola> dude, i just saw this porn video, every 30 seconds it cut to a turtle just sitting on a rock...
<DoCa-Cola> What kinda shit is that?
<SilentAvenger> DoCa-Cola, Turtle porn.
<DoCa-Cola> It's like suck suck suck suck bang bang TURTLE

#212261 +(211)- [X]

<Chicken> i used to work at the zoo cleaning up crap
<DigitallyChallenged> hahaha
<Chicken> they paid my 645 an hour
<Chicken> me
<DigitallyChallenged> woah holy shit
<DigitallyChallenged> i could do that!
<DigitallyChallenged> gimmie a shovel!
<Chicken> no
<Chicken> 6.45
<DigitallyChallenged> oh
<Chicken> LOL
<DigitallyChallenged> well that's not as good...

#212271 +(181)- [X]

<NEGRO> i find out if i can get 1.5mbit cable tomarrow
<NEGRO> comcast keep dicking us around
<NEGRO> "yes, service is available in your area"
<NEGRO> "oh, its available, but not in your neighborhood, but in your area!"
<NEGRO> "oh, it is available in your neighborhood."
<NEGRO> "well, maybe its not, we just like getting your hopes up you stupid fuck ass!"

#212284 +(682)- [X]

<jesus> hey hows it doin
<jesus> any little children in here
<Nyghtshade> ITS JESUS
<Nyghtshade> HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET OUT OF MY TRUNK

#212321 +(886)- [X]

<AlmightyBob> I built a tesla coil for electronics in high school. It worked once. It's entire construction connsumated in one arc of electricity to to my lab partners left ass cheek.

#212483 +(246)- [X]

<gelfwag> So, I'm in the administration room now. What do I do to really fuck them up bad?
<@mooie> how did you get on the computer in there?
<+greg> give the computer a good shock to fuck up the hard drive or just knock it over
<+greg> and burn the windows/office/etc CDs
<gelfwag> haha! this is awesome the CD cases are melting.
<gelfwag> the mouse is melting it's so awesome
<gelfwag> oh shit the mousepad caught fire
<+greg> dump it somewhere
<gelfwag> fuck the room's getting filled with smoke what the hell do I do now?!
<+greg> let it start burning then get away and pull a fire alarm somewhere in the halls
<gelfwag> hahaha
<gelfwag> oh shit the library bitch is coming wtf do I do now?!?!?!!
<+greg> Beat the shit out of her and run.. or if she saw your face, kill the ho and move to mexico
* Quits: gelfwag (Connection reset by peer)

#212484 +(556)- [X]

<CG> I just fell asleep watching the tennis
<CG> all I heard was "uhnn oof uhnn oooooof uhnnn" from the two girls on tv
<CG> sounded alright ;)

#212492 +(503)- [X]

<nitrofenix> fucking cunt
<nitrofenix> i mean
<nitrofenix> er
<nitrofenix> distasteful individual.

#212553 +(306)- [X]

<Prescient1> what's the syntax for sending a message to the whole channel on a timer?
<|sliq|> /timer 0 (delay in seconds) msg #channelname Message
<|sliq|> don't do 0 0, you'll flood out right away
* Prescient1 Quit (Excess Flood)

#212619 +(204)- [X]

<+l4mby> HOLY COW !
<+l4mby> there's a cockatoo on here selling for 12,000$
<@Phoenix> Must be good in bed or something

#212627 +(273)- [X]

<budb> i find chicks in real life, and they are dating someone else, chicks find me online, and they are bisexual guys

#212630 +(464)- [X]

<Surye> My mom was like "Why don't you put on "Wake Me Up" By Wham for your alarm"? I just looked at her and said "So you want me to wake up gay?"

#212641 +(530)- [X]

<@GM`> My god damn script is disobeying me.
<@GM`> It's like I programmed a woman >:(

#212642 +(255)- [X]

<Drav> where the hell can a well-intended, modest, christian fellow go to get a handjob around here?
<ktrout> look no further than the end of your arm
<CoverSlide> Drav: are you under 12?
<CoverSlide> because you could become catholic

#212732 +(299)- [X]

<Grezshnaw> I didn't discover masturbation until I was around 12/13, and then it was by dressing a pillow up in my sisters clothers and humping it.

#212739 +(190)- [X]

<sangre> what operating system do you use?
<sangre> which version of windows?
<CHICAGO> IBM

#212775 +(9074)- [X]

Primus521: hey dude the funniest thing happened to me today
Primus521: im at walmart and this chick is buying a box of tampons and they are missing the upc and wont ring up
Primus521: so the cashier tells his buddy to get a price check on tampax
Primus521: the dude looks at him and says, "the kind u push in, or the kind you hammer in?"
Primus521: lol
Primus521: turns out he misheard him
Primus521: he thought he said thumbtacs
Primus521: you should have seen the look on the chicks face
Primus521: omfg
Primus521: til the day i die
Primus521: i will never forget it

#213028 +(1488)- [X]

<{LD}>  roses are red
<{LD}> violets are blue
<{LD}> in soviet russia
<{LD}> poems write you

#213192 +(870)- [X]

<Yonjuuni> Goddamn charity telemarketers.
<Yonjuuni> Bad enough that they're telemarketing in the first place, but when they have the nerve to try to fucking lay a guilt trip on you...
<Gally> what was it for?
<Yonjuuni> Sponsoring poor kids to go to a hockey game.
<Gally> i'd rather give poor kids food.
<BrianS> I'd rather turn poor kids into food.
<Gally> A modest proposal.

#213194 +(169)- [X]

<speedy> This chick is hot, in a creepy "i'm a rapist" way

#213203 +(494)- [X]

<Demamas> <Jew> I WORSHIP THIS GOD, WHO SAYS THIS AND THIS AND THIS. <Christian> AND THERE WAS THIS OTHER CARPENTER GUY WHO DID SOME STUFF, HE'S FUCKING GREAT. DIE, JEW! <Muslim> I AGREE TOTALLY, NOW I WILL KILL YOU BOTH!
<Renzian> THEN OPTIMUS PRIME SWEEPS IN WITH LAS0RBEAMS :D


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