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#203024 +(565)- [X]

<j0n> Let me tell you about the first time I ever made love to a girl. We were out in a little meadow/park kind of thing, and we laid down on the blanket, and afterwards we both just lay there staying into each other's eyes. Neither of us said anything, it was kind of creeping me out. Then finally she looks to me and she says, "Baaaaaaa."

#203096 +(172)- [X]

<Beska> Look at these tom:
<Beska> SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
<Beska> FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
<Beska> ACTION: Turn glass other way up so that open end points toward ceiling
<Beska> lo
<Tommy> wtf.. rotf
<Beska> SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dark.
<Beska> FAULT: The Bar is closing.
<Beska> ACTION: Panic.
<Tommy> O.o

#203220 +(512)- [X]

<@Butcher90210> lesbian porn is gods way of telling man "you fucked up but i still love you"

#203226 +(393)- [X]

<Kalium> "Home is where the bandwidth is."
<Milkdud> lol
<Kalium> Someday, I'll have that line on my doormat

#203247 +(7206)- [X]

<@maddox> FUCK!
<@maddox> my mom just found my website
<+DMTec> isn't she proud?
<+khoveraki> ha
<@naken> you've been on tv 2 times, in the newspapers several times, been banned from a country, has 40 million pageviews
<@naken> and you didn't tell your mother?
<@maddox> "what is this? Did you draw this? It looks like a penis."  "No mom, I didn't draw a penis"
<+DMTec> ROFL
<+DMTec> "no mom, i didn't draw a penis" thats good
<@maddox> now she's crying
<RichK> haha, your mom doesn't know about your website?
<@maddox> (on the phone)
<+DMTec> maddox: did she see the "suprise - I have a penis"-greeting card?
<@maddox> dmtec: oh fuck, I forgot about that.. yeah I guess I did draw a penis.
<RichK> bahahahaha
<@maddox> hahahahahaha she just said "I wish I would have died and not raised you"
<+khoveraki> rofl
<@maddox> she hung up
<RichK> You are dispwned maddox

#203250 +(68)- [X]

<spider> sigh, i gotta go find my alcholic truck again, bbl
<FRiZzO> oh yeah she didn't come home with you last night?
<spider> negative

#203288 +(1136)- [X]

<shortyz> call your isp
<shortyz> god help whoever has to help your sorry ass
<bette> how do i call internet explorer?

#203333 +(266)- [X]

<Masoumi> guys do you know what 133t means?
<Zandog> t m ' fkg hk ߮

#203417 +(1062)- [X]

<FirebirdGM> I just called my Futureshop and asked them how much a 20 GB Hard drive weighed when it was full with information, compared to when it was empty. <FirebirdGM> The guy that was on the phone told me that it was only a few pounds difference.
<FirebirdGM> And that's why I don't shop at futureshop.

#203571 +(527)- [X]

FFVI: I once told a friend to shoot me if I ever passed 3000 posts on AT. Total Posts Made - 8000...wow :/ 
arctic pirate: you once had a friend?
FFVI: One. But then his parents got a restraining order when I showed up for his kindergarten graduation.

#203786 +(833)- [X]

< DiEsElBoY-DnB> i gotta a pretty hot woman, she cooks and cleans for me too
<@Scruffypoo> DiEsElBoY-DnB: and every night you kiss her before she tucks you in, cause you love your mommy

#203815 +(6113)- [X]

<Fooz> In a perfect world... spammers would get caught, go to jail, and share a cell with many men who have enlarged their penisses, taken Viagra and are looking for a new relationship.

#203911 +(1072)- [X]

<DrBacchus> fajita: RFC 2795
<fajita> DrBacchus: excuse me?
<DrBacchus> fajita: You're supposed to give me a link.
<fajita> DrBacchus: i'm not following you...
<DrBacchus> dumb bot
<fajita> Stupid human

#204086 +(622)- [X]

<PitChic> did you all see about that 97 year old woman who was found alive in the rubble of the earthquake in Iran, after 8 days burried?
<Marcus``> that's fucked up
<Marcus``> old people are like indestructible, as long as they don't don't fall down and break their hip
<Marcus``> help! i've fallen and I can't get up!
<Marcus``> and a house is on me!

#204164 +(236)- [X]

<InuYasha> Rabies isn't an STD is it?
<Ronald_MacK> It is if it's oral sex.

#204180 +(660)- [X]

<Xenocide> i brought a dvd for a teacher
<Dodge2k1> huzzah!
<Xenocide> and i have 2 differnt things named EVA on it
<Xenocide> iatneh and regular
<Dodge2k1> lol
<Xenocide> :( i was supposed to bring the regular
<Xenocide> but i brought the iatneh on accident
<jasonn02> PRON?
<Xenocide> It was about to start on the projector
<Xenocide> but then i saw the label on the dvd
<Dodge2k1> omfg
<jasonn02> IT WAS PR0n?!?!
<Xenocide> and jumped over and pressed eject before it could start
<Xenocide> YES
<jasonn02> LOLOL
<jasonn02> ROFLMAO
<Xenocide> ALMOST PROJECTED ON A HUGE FUCKING SCREEN
<jasonn02> NEET
<Kabuki_Dude> OMG
<Xenocide> i almost had a heart attack

#204205 +(132)- [X]

lgcbmb on topic question; where can i get more old man porn?

#204222 +(477)- [X]

* trib has just *almost* burned his flat to the ground
<bobstay> wow
<bobstay> how did you manage that?
<bobstay> the ground's quite a way away
<trib> I put a big lump of meat int he oven and roasted it
<trib> and used the smoke detector as a timer

#204225 +(306)- [X]

* jane masturbates
< applemacdude> god
< jane> YES!
< jane> found it

#204240 +(608)- [X]

<Kintai> Yes, boobs are like toy trains
<Wallaroo> ?
<Kintai> They're meant for children, but grown men tend to end up playing with them anyway.
<Placebo> hahahahaha
<Placebo> ROFL

#204248 +(2063)- [X]

< tcowher> personally I'm annoyed that they can get 11KBps from mars but can't get me a stable 5KBps over 17 miles.

#204432 +(831)- [X]

<Ruth> hmmm first thing to do when one gets home is .... check spam for emails

#204672 +(340)- [X]

<@Karnaugh> amazing, Cat5 seems reletivly imune to cellphone radiation
<@Pandaemon> Karnaugh: you're going to start wearing a Cat5 turban, aren't you?
<@Karnaugh> Pandaemon: Thats what all the arabian hackers wear these days

#205195 +(7504)- [X]

<MortalKombat> stfu mat|t u cu.nt
* Acaila sets mode: +b MortalKombat!*@*
<@Acaila> FINISH HIM
<mat|t> rofl
<MortalKombat> omg wtf man
* MortalKombat was kicked by Acaila (forward, forward, back, back, forward, punch)
<@Acaila> FATALITY!

#205221 +(478)- [X]

<Eglin> yuck.... didn't think that asking about a c# like static string method would start a stinking flame war.
<pedantic> Eglin: you are new to irc aren't you

#205321 +(337)- [X]

<Fuzzi> I've never seen more stars in Ozzfest before.
<GoRe> Stars? I've seen bigger stars when I accidently sat on my nuts.

#205332 +(482)- [X]

<fate-sg> it's almost as bad as rofl
<fate-sg> which to me is a bark gone wrong

#205394 +(1067)- [X]

* maria hurts
<maria> and whenever i close my eyes i can see scrolling arrows and hear j-pop
<peterS> the first step toward getting rid of a ddr addiction is to admit that you have a problem
<maria> yes, i do
<maria> one of the pads is broken

#205408 +(6047)- [X]

<malaclypse> The general rule on about people on IRC seems to be "Attractive, single, mentally stable: choose two"

#205493 +(1260)- [X]

<@TunaRoll> wow, i  spelled bukkake wrong and google corrected me

#205557 +(6224)- [X]

<Dark_Fox> Kami: if you changed your name to Kame, you would have a much more interesting name :)
<Kami> Dark_Fox: And if you changed yours to Dark_Fax, you'd have a more communicative name. :)
* Dark_Fox is now known as Dark_Fax
<Kami> It'd be... 'telecommunicative.'
* Dark_Fax makes noises and bitches because he's out of paper ant toner *
<Kami> Oh god, that happened at work today.
<Dark_Fax> FEED MEE!!!
<SailorV> Nuuuuuuuu
* Dark_Fax displays wrong time *
* Dark_Fax rings for no reason *
* Kami is now known as VCR-clock
* Dark_Fax gets a paper jam *
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
<Dark_Fax> PAPPPERRRRR
* VCR-clock blinks
<Dark_Fax> TOOOOOONEEERRRR
* VCR-clock blinks
<VCR-clock> :)
* Dark_Fax breaks a bearing and bounces around on the counter *
<Dark_Fax> FEEEED ERROORRR!!!! NEED PAPER!!
* Dark_Fax rings again for no reason *
* VCR-clock blinks some more
* SailorV runs and hides becuz there are weirdo's in here
* Dark_Fax chases SailorV *  MY PAPER!!! MY PREEESCIOUUUS!!
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
<SailorV> EEEE!
* SailorV unplugs the VCR
* VCR-clock has quit IRC
* Dark_Fax is now known as Dark_Fox
<Dark_Fox> ok i think ive peaked the humor of that

#205567 +(1452)- [X]

<[NCA]Spank> I was pretty dumb about computers. <[NCA]Spank> Then I learned you could get porn on them. <[NCA]Spank> 3 years later I'm a system administrator.

#205595 +(366)- [X]

<The`Artful`Dodger> My fucking physics teacher has a spongebob squarepants poster in his class :|
<The`Artful`Dodger> It says "E = MC Squaredpants"

#205633 +(7071)- [X]

WallJam7: roses are red
WallJam7: violets are blue
WallJam7: all of my base
WallJam7: are belong to you

#205713 +(526)- [X]

<asial> fuck you, youre sometimes just a fucking baby!
<`Riku> oh yeah?
<`Riku> Well, guess what that makes YOU?
<`Riku> A pedophile!
<`Riku> and I'll be damned if I'm being lectured by a pervert!

#205797 +(644)- [X]

<Trigger> anyone here know what kind of virus would create about 100 directories that don't exist?
<Rakoth> windows
<Adam9> or a corrupted filesystem
<Rakoth> that's what I said ;)

#205824 +(582)- [X]

Berrik I swear I hate German
Berrik You take some 3-letter word in English
Berrik and in German it's "Schtuffwaftefloswhosit"

#205825 +(695)- [X]

* Quits: Serge (Connection reset by peer)
* Joins: Abe
<Locke|Away> Have you considred sacrificing a pig to appease the evil spirits plaguing your internet connection, Serge?  Western medicine seems to have failed you.
<Abe> well, right now it all comes down to the network engineer's bad back. if he hadn't hurt his back, he would have fixed it by now; as it is, he's off until monday
<Locke|Away> Well, have you considered sacrificing a pig for his back?  An evil dab may have followed him home from work.  It might be eating his marrow.
<Locke|Away> Look, I'm hungry and I want some fucking bacon.  Just kill a pig already.

#205836 +(118)- [X]

<acrimonious> dude
<acrimonious> Celeron
* acrimonious feels unclean

#205847 +(2062)- [X]

<tangent3> george bush wants to send missions to moons and the mars
<tangent3> i think the search for weapons of mass destruction is getting desperate

#205870 +(320)- [X]

--> therevelator (~none@artemis.stud.uni-goettingen.de) has joined #linux-kernel
<therevelator> hi. does anybody know how to make the init-process look look like star wars?

#205895 +(205)- [X]

<auto-jack> one of my users needs to disable their antivirus
<auto-jack> "to run a test."
<Redline> testing their will to be employed

#205928 +(385)- [X]

<Chiffy> hah
<Chiffy> I was at a local skateboard shop with my mom
<Chiffy> and I look up and see a deck with a picture of a drunk mexican screwing a crocodile and I laugh
<Chiffy> she looks up
<Chiffy> and mentions something like 'oh animal planet crocodile guy'
<Chiffy> it took about 5 seconds for her to go 'uh, wait'

#205944 +(413)- [X]

<felix> what is asl?
<felix> asshole?

#205970 +(2761)- [X]

<jaga> does anyone here have a computer?

#206020 +(244)- [X]

<santa> if nasa was smart they'd send something tomars to grab a huge fucking bucket of mars sand
<santa> and take it back
<santa> and sell it by the gram
<santa> like "MARS SAND KEYCHAINS - 300 bucks"
<santa> talk about grassroots funding programs ;)

#206068 +(656)- [X]

bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
Katie_007: What the f*ck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.

#206190 +(503)- [X]

<[]OTB[]Orange> apparently girls gone wild "just got wilder"
<ninex-knp> ?
<[]OTB[]Orange> i don't know about you, but i certainly don't want to see willy wonka bare his breasts

#206281 +(683)- [X]

<gordo> who here knows their trance well?
<gordo> i need the title of that trance song, with the choir singing in the background
<gordo> (high pitch) la la la la la, la la la la
<gordo> (lower) la la la laaaaaaa, la (high) la la
<WardoG> Wow that's specific

#206333 +(243)- [X]

<douchebag> do u declare your variables when doing pseudo code?


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