#193777 +(122)- [X]
<[HCC]Freeman> Yiff is another way of saying fuck? Awesome.
<Cel> ....uh huh.
<Mage[CS]> "I want to yiff you like an animal..."
#193779 +(749)- [X]
<ducklord> You may think I'm retarded, but I actually know some things
<ducklord> Like the square root of my telephone number
#193820 +(461)- [X]
ashgromnies: Let's play some Oregon Trail
technocloak: I've never played that game since fourth grade . . . the character I named after myself DIED on my birthday.
#193892 +(1455)- [X]
<ascian> why do you guys need a car?
<Odat> cause people look at you funny when you run down the highway making vroom noises with your mouth
#194098 +(356)- [X]
hottieanda69er69: i was like haveing a hudge organism in the shower
#194117 +(208)- [X]
<Mike> MY TOASTER IS ON FUCKING FIRE
#194253 +(755)- [X]
<chanman3> does irc stay open on christmas
#194258 +(613)- [X]
<Thom`Manson> "The Hammurderer is quickly becoming regarded as the worst-received advertising mascot since Kool-Aid's 1989 discontinuation of "The Grapist," a huge purple monster who sodomizes thirsty children."
<Manboy> OH YEAH
<Manboy> OH YEAH!!!
#194401 +(389)- [X]
<@HollowmaN> The goverment was sterilizing retarded people for a few decades but stopped in the 70's. luckily i was born in the 80's
#194561 +(687)- [X]
<Bota> well, either my balls smell like propane, or my propane smells like balls : either way i think we have a problem
#194628 +(794)- [X]
<[SA]Mastiff> No. You are underage, and should not drink.
<[SA]Mastiff> Go back to playing with Legos.
<MaryFuckingPoppins> I don't have any Legos =(
<Rigel> Fuck you Mastiff, Legos kick ass
<Rigel> I set them up as the OPFOR while playing with my Moses Action Figure and army men
<Rigel> The Legos lost because moses had the Ark of the Convenant
<Rigel> And just like in the Bible it shot lightning and stuff.
<Rigel> And then the Army Men put the legos in a concentration camp and that was the end of the Third Reich
<Rigel> And THEN Moses beat hitlers face in with the Ten Commandments
<Rigel> "Thou Shalt Not Be a Faggotyass Dictator"
<Rigel> "Thou Shalt Not Raise the Undead"
<Rigel> "Thou Shalt not put foxy agents in skintight leather and give them silenced Sten guns"
<Rigel> And then back into the Time Portal he jumped, taking the army men with him!
<Rigel> I should film this shit
#194647 +(2321)- [X]
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> if any of you have rats in the house
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> WASH YOUR FUCKING WANK RAGS REGULARLY
<[dSx]h34dsh0t> you're kidding, right?
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> i am fucking serious
<[dSx]awpMAN> not all of us have wank rags, dumbass
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> so i had this wank rag i forgot about and left in a corner of the room under some shit right
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> i find it today and it has FUCKING HOLES IN IT RIGHT AT THE STAINS
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> and there's RAT SHIT ALL OVER IT
<[dSx]awpMAN> idiot, hahahahahahahaha
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> i'm going to have trouble sleeping now that i know that SOME FUCKING RAT IN MY HOUSE ATE MY SEMEN
<[dSx]h34dsh0t> i love you
<[dSx]h34dsh0t> i really do
<[dSx]h34dsh0t> but it would be a crime not to submit this to bash
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> NO WAIT FUCK
#194678 +(1045)- [X]
<Lafarga> bada: I'm throwing peanuts at your head at this moment.
<bada> funny, I dont feel them
<Lafarga> bada: That's because you're thousands of miles away, across the internet, so my peanuts are bouncing off my monitor instead.
#194770 +(125)- [X]
* Spin2 has quit IRC (Quit: On the roof of the Church of the Future, Malgaard gets the amulet. His powers are increased by a factor of nothing. Plus wearing the amulet around his neck makes him look like a gay disco dancer.)
#194777 +(1181)- [X]
<MaoistBanker> The Olsen Twins Announce Where They Will Go To College.............
<MaoistBanker> NEW YORK UNIVERSITY, You can bet they will be getting a torrent of applications for the summer and fall semesters.
<WhatTheChrist> lol remember last time new york had a set of twins
<Smackbilly> Yeah, they went down on a lot of people.
#194887 +(920)- [X]
<Shanaynay> HEY FAGS
<oval> Shanaynay, how in the HELL are you gonna say "hey fags" when your nick is Shanaynay? ;)
<Shanaynay> OH NO YOU DIDN'T
<Shanaynay> I KNOW YOU DIDN'T JUST DIS THE NAME MY MOMMA GAVE ME
#194906 +(383)- [X]
<sincere> there was a huge protest here
<sincere> i walked out into the middle of it
<sincere> i was like
<sincere> get away hippies
<sincere> im only trying to get to the liquor store
#195132 +(616)- [X]
<Eck> British Prime Minister: I hope this can signal a reconciliation and a unity of the Iraqi people meaning freedom and hope for the people against whom the atrocities have been committed etc.
<Eck> American Guy: WE GOT HIM! YEAAAAHHHH!!!!!
#195212 +(940)- [X]
Daniel: heh i met this chick online who had laser eye surgery today, she lives in California
Daniel: and there was also an earthquake in california today
#195649 +(653)- [X]
* |BEER| is AFK, i'm just a bot...day in and day out all i do is serve you....thats it!!!! I QUIT!!! TELL CB TO FIND HIMSELF A NEW BOT!!!! —I-n-v-i-s-i-o-n—
* |BEER| has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer)
<dr_binks> damn the bot just became self aware
#195964 +(349)- [X]
<Shaft> this is nice, customer calls in and opens a troubleticket, hes been suspended for non pay and his CC declined. Only way to turn abck on is by certified funds
<Shaft> heres the kicker
<Shaft> They are a collection agency
#195969 +(2049)- [X]
<TXTerron> wanna know whats geeky?
<TXTerron> I'm driving down the road
<Jennifer> I drove down the road today too...
<Jennifer> Wait, You mean you're on irc in your truck?
<TXTerron> yeah, using my wireless card
<Jennifer> Jason, is that safe?
<TXTerron> na, i just type with one hand while I'm driving and halfway watch the road, its cool, dont worry
<Jennifer> You're good with typing with one hand?
<TXTerron> shaddup :D
<TXTerron> i just rear ended a lady
<TXTerron> brb :(
#196025 +(-950)- [X]
<m00> Why does the mexican olympic team suck?
<m00> everyone who can run, jump or swim is already in the US
#196154 +(2057)- [X]
<APingLDer> So how did it go with that cheerleader from down the street that wanted to seduce you?
<naeblis15> Well, I was going to go along, but at the last minute, I had one of those 'Grinch' moments, when my heart went up past my level, and Satan's and Stalin's and Hitler's and a few more levels, to where it was something like normal, and I decided that I should wait until I could have a meaningful relationship, not just casual sex with someone infinitely more popular and beautiful than I am.
<APingLDer>And where was your brain at this point?
<naeblis15>I don't know, but when he gets back he is so fucking grounded
#196258 +(1438)- [X]
<MakoClause> i am so dead
<MakoClause> there is this huge dent in our christmas ham
<MakoClause> where i decided to liberate some of it for a sandwhich
<MakoClause> but i liberated too much
<Zappy-Holidays> ham raeper
<Zappy-Holidays> where are your morals
<Zappy-Holidays> I know why you really carved out a little bit
<Zappy-Holidays> *nudge* *nudge*
<Zappy-Holidays> *wink* *wink*
<MakoClause> i didn't fuck the ham
<Zappy-Holidays> U FUCKED THE HAM
<Zappy-Holidays> HAM FUCKER
<MakoClause> I DID NOT FUCK THE HAM!
<Zappy-Holidays> UR FAMILY WILL EAT YOUR SEAMEN
#196311 +(393)- [X]
<muffins> Okay, earlier, when I said "FUCK" and left, my grandfather came with a truck load of wood for me to cart someplace. Because "Good Christian Young Men" do things like use chainsaws and cart wood.
<muffins> Another thing Good Christian Young Men do is shoot guns. And go to church. I think I'm failing.
<RedBeard> muffins: so kill two birds with one stone. shoot guns in church.
#196317 +(640)- [X]
<STEELE1381> I just spent about 10 minutes taking an online IQ test that popped up onto my screen.
<STEELE1381> Then, when I was finished, they made me fill out all this registration stuff before giving me my score.
<sirhc614> How'd you do?
<STEELE1381> Judging by the fact that I game them my email address to find out a number representing my intelligence that they semi-randomly calculated, I think I failed.
#196333 +(721)- [X]
<CAMeRON> i have the best new insult - cockgoggles
<CAMeRON> aaHAEHaeH aeHaeHaeHaehaeH
<KEiRAN> thats pretty pisspoor cameron
<CAMeRON> SHUT UP, COCKGOGGLES
<KEiRAN> yeah, i didnt see that one coming
#196362 +(504)- [X]
<vindalou> but you know how all gossip has a grain of truth
<Bishi> I heard your mom's a real dirty slut
#196386 +(415)- [X]
<Santa> all these chocolate bullets
<Biscram> isnt there something you're forgetting to do tonight santa
<Santa> THE PRESENTS!?
* Santa is away, (brb delivering presents)
#196411 +(749)- [X]
<deo> theres a road near me called "the queens passage"
<deo> heh....the funny thing is....theres a pub next to it.........called "the kings head"......
#196421 +(216)- [X]
<fudge> i am blessed
<fudge> ffx-2 AND an AOL 9.0 disc
<ShinakuTK_> ...some one gave you a AOHELL disk for a crimbo present?
<fudge> i doubt it's a xmas present
<fudge> i just get them all year then give them away at halloween to the kiddies
#196425 +(778)- [X]
<ubmentor> guys..greatest dialogue ever
<ubmentor> check this out
<ubmentor> girl: oh my god, that was incredible
<ubmentor> guy: yeah.. you're amazing. you almost made me come
<ubmentor> girl: what?! then what the hell did I swallow?!
#196573 +(562)- [X]
Manghuntr9: i am taking a piece of KRAFT cheese to church with me in the hopes that i can get an extra piece of jesus and make a sandwich
#196725 +(299)- [X]
<_pr1me> Nothing says christmas like handjobs in the olive garden bathroom for $2 a piece
#196793 +(464)- [X]
<ElderGodSmack> The quickest way to a woman's heart is with a knife.
#196797 +(253)- [X]
<EiNHanDeR MK II> does anyone find it peculiar that the winner of the running olympics is black, and the white guys always win rifle and accuracy competitions?
#197075 +(662)- [X]
<[On-Air]NiM> I watched that movie with my mom
<Bijiy> I did too
<[On-Air]NiM> I will never watch a movie with my mom again
<[On-Air]NiM> at the part in the stable she was like
<[On-Air]NiM> WOW LOOK AT HOW BIG THE HORSES C0CK IS
<[On-Air]NiM> and I was like, OMG PLEASE NO...
#197437 +(889)- [X]
<darklink570> at first i thought that "ping? pong!" was just chanserv making fun of my chinese heritage
#197652 +(-54)- [X]
LoRrigeer--: Dont dl porn
ULVENMASTER: i dont, im mature
LoRrigeer--: you dl mature porn?
ULVENMASTER: no, im mature so i dont dl porn
LoRrigeer--: so like ur married?
#197753 +(331)- [X]
<Capt_Suicide> god fucking damnit
<Capt_Suicide> my sister puked all over my toilet
<Capt_Suicide> i just fucking cleaned that thing earlier from where nathan shit all over it
<Capt_Suicide> good thing i bought that toilet bowl cleaner today
<Kornered> what a rediculous thing to waste your money on
<FaQz0r> get a dog
<FaQz0r> dogs clean everything
#197845 +(6776)- [X]
<SRG> Metallica sold out in 45 mins :/
<NotOneOfUs> Yeah I know.
<NotOneOfUs> Oh wait
<NotOneOfUs> You mean, like, a concert?
#198076 +(1063)- [X]
SomethingTrifty: I'm vegetarian for a different reason
SomethingTrifty: It's not because I like animals
SomethingTrifty: i just fucking hate plants
#198132 +(775)- [X]
<@SLing> anyway I love grocery shopping because I get to make my family look like fools
<@SLing> the other day we were at the grocery store
<@SLing> and the first place was all the melons (like canteloupe, grapefruit, etc)
<@SLing> anyway I remembered hearing from some TV chef that before buying melons you're supposed to knock on them
<@SLing> I stood there
<@SLing> for five minutes
<@SLing> knocking on melons
<@SLing> people started looking at me strange
<@SLing> I was like "It's ok, the TV chef told me to"
<@SLing> I'd knock on one and be like "This one sounds fresh"
<@SLing> long story short I don't have to go grocery shopping anymore
#198381 +(565)- [X]
<Jeff> god...yesterday morning sucked hard
<Jeff> I woke up and took a shower, when I got out to find clothes, I opened the dryer and as I was rummaging around, I saw a dollar, so im like yoink...then I found another dollar, im like yeah! some sucker lost their dollars........then I found my paycheck...then my wallet.
#198383 +(187)- [X]
<Nemo> i was like downstars
<Nemo> making a sandwich
<Nemo> and i started singing subconsciously
<Nemo> and when i realized that i was making noises
<Nemo> it turned out i was like screaming the theme song to crank yankers
<Nemo> and like
<Nemo> the lady next door called the cops and shit
<Nemo> oh man
#198447 +(525)- [X]
<Hackwiz> oh yeah plus today my dad's car ran out of gas on the way out of the exit towards crawford street and we started pushing then a cop came behind us, gave us a ride home to get keys to the car's trunk to get gas tank. then so I go back to get gas tank I walk through the field because I think it will be shorter than going around the corner and walking all the way down the highway. I did not notice there was a mother fuc*ing stream there!!! i was like a mile down the highway and I said fuc* it so I tried,.... TRIED to jump the stream, came up short, broke through the ice and got full-body soaked, this was 3:40 pm, i had to work at 4, well I got out of the water, muddy and soaked. then i see a fuc*ing fuc*ing fuc*ing!!! barb wire fence!!! bitc*, i jump it slicing my thumb, i bleed, but it's aight. get the gas can and my computer games and crossover cable, start walking back home soaked, two hot girls stop and pull over to give me a ride home then i forogot, also the office smelled alcohol on my dad's breath so he said if my dad went back to drive the car home he would make sure he got arrested.
<Hackwiz> How was your day?
#198452 +(593)- [X]
<Dante> <Alb-guy> I just caught my 15 year old girl, masturbating with a vibrating 'control pad' on a Nintendo Gamecube. Now I am banning this vibrator from my household, but I am concerned about other teenagers who are using these products as masturbation aids.
<Dante> so GameCubes do have their use after all!
#198764 +(1544)- [X]
<Death> Hey, Jeff, how do you kill someone when they're on your nick?
<Jeff> Oh, easy /ns ghost nick password
*** Signoff: Jeff (Killed (NickServ (GHOST command used by Death)))
#199293 +(483)- [X]
<davidr> w00t! I installed a camera and a monitor ... the cam points at my door so I don't have to turn my head to see if somebody opens the door
<davidr> and now I'll start recording everything so I don't even have to listen to my family, I'll just watch it when I have time