#191082 +(331)- [X]
<Feranis> Is it bad...
<Feranis> When this:
<Feranis> Vividly reminds me of the planetary ion cannon they had on Hoth?
<Gararion> ah lol
<Zork> That's bad. It's a frowny-face, not an ion cannon
#191097 +(43)- [X]
<DownKaos> dude I think free willy and tupac are hiding in cuba together
#191121 +(450)- [X]
<brenty> Did you guys know there are boobs on the internet?
brenty> I just found out today.
<En1gma> brent, there is a fundementual flaw in that
<En1gma> you can't grope them!
<En1gma> *shakes head*
<brenty> Like hell I can't!
<brenty> I can print them and put them on a stuffed animal, idiot.
#191171 +(346)- [X]
<xScoobyxDoo42ox> "My name is Saddam Hussein. I am the president of Iraq and I want to negotiate," he told the US troops in English, according to Major Bryan Reed, operations officer for the 1st Brigade, 4th Infantry Division.
<xScoobyxDoo42ox> i used that on the cops last week
#191182 +(1259)- [X]
JustAnotherFetus: If I had a dollar for every time I had 60 cents, I would be Canada.
#191305 +(401)- [X]
<Kyre> I'm re-enacting Final Fantasy 8
<Kyre> err I mean ...
#191350 +(319)- [X]
<Rayt> I blame Jesus for everything
<Shu> I BLAME IT ALL ON ALLAH.
<Rayt> Allah is kewl in my book
<Rayt> If you can convince people to blow themself up in your name, you've done well in life
#191423 +(409)- [X]
<Plank> there's a special halloween version of goatse! the image if modified so it looked like a halloween pumpkin! www.goatse.cx
<Suave|Away> Bloody hell.
<Suave|Away> And I clicked it, too.
#191532 +(1293)- [X]
<Zeroflowne>what is the name of that oral sex move that can kill your partner?
<sHaDoWkAiO>The oral sex "move"? You mean like punching her and yelling "HADOKEN!" while performing cunnilingus?
#192096 +(306)- [X]
<Agent_Mono> vote for me to be op and you will go to heaven
<ZestyO> great campaign
<ZestyO> you work for the bush administration?
<Seraya> Sure sounds like it.
#192099 +(622)- [X]
(Crazy) my shampoo is for blonde people :/
(topher) the instructions are in big letters ?
#192115 +(624)- [X]
<pakman> opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and they all stink
<goatasaur> but they're fun to poke at
#192129 +(396)- [X]
<Snoody> I am wearing a sports bra. It makes my boobs look all flat and weird.
<tanjo> as opposed to ?
#192136 +(1032)- [X]
<Pascal> Aieee! On a company's resume submission form: What level of education do you possess? yes no
* Pascal answers 'yes'
<fEk> Who would answer 'no' to that? :)
<Pascal> The person who designed this form?
#192153 +(487)- [X]
<Adora> you know what I just realized boobs are really good for?
<Enigma> holding stuff up?
<Adora> they're PERFECT for cleaning fingerprints off cds
<Adora> all soft and squishy
<Enigma> really? who knew
<Adora> no hard edges
<Enigma> my next guess was going to be luring sexually deprived teenaged geeks into helping you with your computer problems
#192173 +(60)- [X]
<Jim> The blue man group is a complete ripoff of the smurfs
#192191 +(572)- [X]
<PoofServ> WOOHOO! My mom is getting off!
#192195 +(795)- [X]
<LadyLazaruss> LOL my student just sent me an email with the subject line "hey baby"
<LadyLazaruss> closely followed with an "oops... disregard that last email!!!"
#192267 +(641)- [X]
<burntash> try this shit on for a size, a telemarketer just called me and when i answered hello they told me "please hold on, all our staff are currently busy"
#192337 +(162)- [X]
<s2k|D_Holt> anyone have scented condoms?
<s2k|Alchemeron> after using them, all condoms are scented
#192384 +(726)- [X]
<MadTom> Bob the Builder porn is hard to find
#192433 +(908)- [X]
-([AfZ]Curse)- i just ripped the most putrid fart ever
-([AfZ]Curse)- and my fucking dog looked at me and walked out of my room
#192469 +(340)- [X]
<codespace> who is the father of genetics?
<Swish> Dr. Genetalia
<codespace> go team.
#192474 +(428)- [X]
* vryxnr does a happy dance again
<Keioto> you broke your arm
#192531 +(6339)- [X]
<riesto> So I discovered that half my students are failing because they just read bash.org every day in class.
<tumnest> How'd you determine that?
<riesto> One of them *accidentally* e-mailed me explaining how no one does anything in the class, dumbasses.
<riesto> So if you're reading this, students, GET TO FUCKING WORK! MODULE 10!
#192619 +(697)- [X]
<cayde> It's getting harder to get a summer job these days
<tam> cayde: maybe cos it is winter?
#192741 +(930)- [X]
<@MrAnderson> Renegade0FX: And with the clicking, came the ticking, of the page that was no more
<@MrAnderson> Renegade0FX: Quoth the server, 404
#192769 +(302)- [X]
<xa-mua> i think i'll go rent seabiscuit
<reboot> you leave my wife alone
#192834 +(381)- [X]
<Min1ster> I have been captured My Regime has fallen and my sons are dead. But I have some good news..... I just saved hundreds on my car insurance by switching to Geico
#192848 +(895)- [X]
<DthPool> Im trying to milk myself
<DthPool> its not working
<DthPool> my nipples hurt
<TranceDude88> say hello to bash.org
#192857 +(301)- [X]
<Yurijin> HOLY CRAP
<Yurijin> i was playing a song
<Yurijin> and forgot i left some porn video in the play list
<Yurijin> and all of a sudden
<Yurijin> "AHHHH <music ends>" "OHH OHH OH <slobber> OHHH"
#192888 +(1455)- [X]
<Jim_McNeat> Is there like a way to put a compiler in "Just trust me on that one" mode?
#192957 +(276)- [X]
<darklink570> tubgirl is like the luigi to goatse's mario
#192961 +(284)- [X]
<[RIT]Vyper> RIT women are like parking spaces. They're either taken or handicapped.
#193061 +(591)- [X]
<drew> um..quick..does anybody remember how to make a cat vomit?
#193137 +(46)- [X]
<I_D> what's this I hear about you and the arab army?
<bugkiller> I_D: nha.. but the Israeli defense army didnt accept me to intellegence devision for some fucked up reason
<[-Locky-]> get on one of your jockey camels
<[-Locky-]> and haul ass over here
<I_D> he can't locky
<I_D> that's a military vehicle over there
#193180 +(254)- [X]
<drakin> sorry, turn my back and a kitty sits on the keyboard..
<Stokesy> fuck you all you fucking fuckers
<Stokesy> sorry, that was my parrot
<drakin> isnt it spelt torrettes..
#193186 +(433)- [X]
<ld>: my parents got really pissed at me for my grades
<leet eskimo>: sux to be you
<ld>: but i ownd their faces off
<leet eskimo>: how
<ld>: well "i cant belive you have a 50 in gym" "it's ok, i had subway for lunch"
#193198 +(771)- [X]
<@Infinik> Do you think the Matrix ever gets netsplits?
<@Infinik> Quits: Trinity (smith.matrix.com jackson.matrix.com)
<@Infinik> Quits: Morpheus (Quit: Observe the powers of the red pill, bitch)
<@Infinik> Smith has been kicked by Neo (Cloner) (-M-a-t-r-i-x-)
<Swanky-Tuna> Why would you take a pill from a bald black man in the middle of nowhere?
<warpunk> Cuz I paid for 'em!
<Swanky-Tuna> there was a flash about that
<Swanky-Tuna> everybody started smiling as he was passing out
<warpunk> All your matrix are belong to us.
<Swanky-Tuna> and trinity was just a crossdresser
<Infinik> "The Trinity?" "The Trinity who hacked the IRS d-base?" "That was a long time ago." "I thought you were a guy." "That was a long time ago too."
#193247 +(403)- [X]
<[K]orangeboy> nah, i live in wales, which is like the dirty retarded cousin that lives chained in the basement of the uk
#193314 +(435)- [X]
<Jonathan> anyone here seen the movie pi?
<Yesenia> yea, I saw it 3.14 times.
#193322 +(803)- [X]
<Fox_Jenny> alan, please dont wear socks tonight
<Borlath_Mon> Yeah. Use a condom, you cheap fucker
#193342 +(35)- [X]
<Godsey> I have a great idea for a porn movie
<Godsey> Humping Dumpty
<_megan_> we had a 70 year old man fixing our huge fence while you sat your ass and watched him
<Godsey> all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn't satisfy Dumpty again
#193399 +(267)- [X]
<SumGeye> I met God once.
<SumGeye> Yeah. He was on the same bus as me. He smelt like whiskey.
#193438 +(232)- [X]
<Lemmih> a_shadow: You could start rollerskating. That was how I meet my first girlfriend.
<Sonarman> or you could just masturbate to porn
#193439 +(132)- [X]
<Chocoboko> I wonder what things would have been like had Square stuck with Nintendo.
<DragonFogel> I doubt we'd see FFT. =P
<Soulcleaver> Imagine FF7- with all the "objectionable" and "offensive" material removed.
<Indogutsu> <Barret> You Shinra are the vermin, robbing the Planet of its dreams! And that makes you King Vermin! So hush your mouth, you... you... jackaninny!
#193460 +(566)- [X]
youatemypancreas: Diablo won't work. it keeps minimizing itself. >_<
Areku: Oh hey. I've got a great plan.
Areku: I'm going to set up a murder. And just before I murder the person, I'm going to ask. "Are you scared?" And when they say yes, I'll reply "You shouldn't be, you're on Scare tactics!" Then when they're all happy, and relieved they're not going to die.. I'll stab 'em good.
#193571 +(432)- [X]
<OwnerDemon> Subliminal (kill) messaging (your) is (parents) awesome!
#193625 +(274)- [X]
* Kosaku has Lee raped by some random tentacles.
* Lee dies.
<Tash> Its Rape 'o clock.
<Tash> Oh wait.
<Tash> I'm reading my watch wrong.
#193646 +(2472)- [X]
<Bonz> Light bulbs are not actually "light bulbs" but dark absorbers. When you turn them on, they suck the dark out of the room. You can prove this by holding your hand under a "light bulb". The dark will stack up under your hand where its path to the absorber is blocked by your hand. When they quit working and turn a dark color, it's not because they burnt out, it's because they're full.